Jenny: Oh, my God, I love it. I've seen it five times and still gets me every time.
Marnie: You're kidding. I don't get it.
[Jenny turns off the TV.]
Jenny: Okay, it's like "The Twilight Zone".
Marnie: Twilight Zone.
Jenny: A movie within a movie.
Marnie: I get that, but it's illogical. It begs the question: That if the beginning of "Stab 7", is "Stab 6". Then if the beginning of "Stab 6", is "Stab 5". And if so, What is "Stab 4" about?
Jenny: Your over-thinking it.
Marnie: Am I, or did whoever make it just underthink it?. That's the reason I don't watch these movies.
Jenny: I can't believe you haven't seen them. We live in Woodsboro.
Marnie: That has nothing to do with Woodsboro. I-I thought you said "Stab" was based on true stories.
Jenny: The first three, the original trilogy is based off of Sidney Prescott, but then she threatened to sue them if they used her stories. So they just started making stuff up. Stab 5 has time travel, which is by far the worst.
Marnie: Don't we hear enough of this story every year?
Jenny: At least Woodsboro's known for something. [hears a noise from upstairs.] Did you hear that?
Marnie: Uh... No, I didn't hear anything...
Jenny: I did.
[Jenny stands up and goes to investigate outside; Marnie realizes what she's trying to do]
Marnie: Jenny, don't try to scare me.
Jenny: I'm not trying to scare you.
Marnie: You do it all the time.
[Marnie begins following her.]
Jenny: No, I don't!
Marnie: Where are you going?!
Jenny: I told you, I heard something!
[Jenny goes upstairs.]
Marnie: I know you're trying to scare me.
Jenny: I'm not!
[Jenny starts looking everywhere in the hallway.]
Marnie: What is it?
[Jenny turns on the lights in her room.]
Jenny: I must have left a window in my room open.
[The phone rings.]
Jenny: Could you get that? Marnie?
Marnie: Yeah... [goes to the kitchen and answers the phone] Hello?
Ghostface App: Hello, Who's this?
Marnie: Marnie, who's this?
Ghostface App: This is the last person you're ever gonna see alive.
Marnie: [disturbed] What?
Jenny: [laughing] I'm sorry, I had to.
Marnie: You bitch! So not funny!
[Jenny closes the window.]
Jenny: Somebody falls for it every year.
Marnie: I don't see why you get off under the---
[Marnie is killed.; The phone hangs up]
Jenny: Marnie? [leaves the hallway] Marnie? [checks downstairs.] Marnie? [goes downstairs and finds the phone on the floor] Good one, Marnie! Lights out, phone on the floor. You know,... [picks up the phone and tries to look around the house.] You really should direct horror films. Wherever you are. Let me guess, you want me to walk by an open door frame so you can pop out, huh? [turns around but no one is there. The phone rings] Okay, timing. Timing is perfect! But you don't have an app on your phone, so you can't talk like Ghostface, [puts the phone in her ear] can you?
Ghostface: Yes, I can.
Jenny: [shocked] Who is this?
Ghostface: Not an app.
Jenny: Is this Trevor?
Ghostface: Do I sound like a Trevor to you? Think of me as your director. You're in my movie, you got a fun part, so don't blow it.
Jenny: What movie?
Ghostface: Same one Marnie's in, only her part got cut way back. But you? You're the dumb blonde with the big tits. We'll have some fun with you before you die.
Jenny: I have a 4.0 GPA and 135 IQ, asshole! What did you do with Marnie?
Ghostface: She's on the cutting room floor!
Jenny: That's not funny!
Ghostface: This isn't a comedy, it's a horror film. People live and people die, and you'd better start running!
[Marnie's lifeless body is thrown through the window]
Jenny: [horrified] Marnie?
[The killer appears and begins chasing Jenny around the house]
Kirby: Before you get in the car you have to promise not to kill me!
Jill: Why? What'd you do?
Kirby: Trevor called me last night!
Jill: Why is he calling you?
Kirby Reed: Because you won't take his calls and he knows I have your ear!
Jill: [sees Olivia coming] Can we not talk about this right now?
[Olivia gets in the car]
Olivia: So Trevor called me last night!
Jill: He called you, too?
Olivia: He thinks that your cousin coming to town is making you forget how sorry he really is!
Jill: [sarcastically] Well, that's inventive!
Robbie: [while recording the girls] I'm here with the beautiful Olivia "Don't-Look-At-My-Tits-I-Have-A-Mind" Morris! And my annual Woodsboro question "What's your favorite scary movie"
Olivia: [sarcastically] That's original!
Jill: Where did you hear that anyway?
Charlie: It's a line from Stab 1!
Robbie: Um...You're a genre nut, Kirby! What's your favorite scary movie?
Kirby: [sarcastically] Bambi. [pushes Robbie out of the way] Dork. [flirting with Charlie] What?
Charlie: That's funny, Kirby!
Robbie: Totally unaware you exist!
Charlie: Yeah! [after Robbie has walked off] Asshole!
Jill: I think Charlie likes you!
Kirby: And I like him - To tease, to torment, to make him squirm!
Kirby: Trevor's being weird. I mean, if it is him, I don't know.
Ghostface: This is not fucking Trevor!
Kirby: Well, then who the fuck are you?
Ghostface: Open the closet door.
[Kirby looks at the closet.]:
Kirby: You do know there are cops all over the house?
Ghostface: I think I have just enough time to slice someone open!
Jill: I'll talk to him.
Olivia: What's going on over there, you guys?
[Jill puts her phone on her ear.]
Jill: S-Sorry I? I don't know? [turns to Kirby.] Kirby-
Ghostface: Come on, do it.
Kirby: There's no way you're in there. [stumbles to the closet.]
Ghostface: See for yourself.
[Kirby stumbles further to the closet.]
Jill: Kirby? Kirby, come on, talk to me. This isn't funny. Kirby!
[Kirby opens the closet and investigate, but no one is in there]
Kirby: [relieved] Liar. I'm over this!
Ghostface: I never said I was in your closet.
[The killer breaks through Olivia's closet and begins attacking her]
[After Sidney finds Olivia dead, she answers her phone]
Ghostface: Welcome home, Sidney. Preview of coming events.
Sidney: Why don't you come for me, you got the balls for that?!
Ghostface: Oh, poor Sidney. You think this is all about you? You think you're still the star?
Sidney: This isn't a fucking movie!
Ghostface: It will be.
Sidney: These are innocent people!
Ghostface: Spare me the lecture! You've done very well by all this bloodshed, haven't you? Well, how about the town you left behind? I've got plans for you. I'm gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don't blink when I stab you in the face. You'll die when I want you to, Sidney, not a moment before. Until then, you're going to suffer!
[The killer hangs up.]
[Sidney rushes to Jill]
Sidney: Stay right there.
Jill: Is she-?
Sidney: Do not look, okay?
Jill: She said you were the angel of death.
[Sidney gets out of the room. Rebecca goes to Sidney.]
Rebecca: So Sidney, [checks on Sidney] Ooh, ow. Anyway, long story short: Random wants to lock you into three more books now. [shows her the contract.] See the blank line in your contract, you can name your price. And as soon as your clear in this investigation, We're on the next plane in New York: The book today, the view, Nancy Grace and MTV-
Sidney: Excuse me, can... Can I ask you a question?
Sidney: Did you read my book?
Rebecca: I thought I'd wait for the movie.
Sidney: Book tour's over. [begins to leave]
Rebecca: Sidney... [grabs her] Accept your situation, you're a victim for life. So embrace it, use it. I know you care about your readers, all those little down-trouble fucks, that just need a light at the end of the tunnel so that they don't jump off a bridge. And a lucky break like this, I'm talkin' a hundred percent increase in sales in minimum. That's maybe a million more people get your message and you get a ton more checks, and then...
Sidney: [sighs] I won't be needing you anymore.
Sidney: You're fired.
Rebecca: [stops] Fired?
Sidney: [while leaving] Fired!
Rebecca: Fine! [walks away]
Rebecca: This is Rebecca!
Ghostface: Sidney Prescott, please.
Rebecca: I'm handling Ms. Prescott's calls and appearances. May I take a message?
Ghostface: You are the message. [Rebecca looks back] Are you writing this down?
Rebecca: Yes, I am. It's kinda hard to hear you. I'm in the hospital with Sidney, if you can hang on this one second-
Ghostface: I've got time. It's you that doesn't. You know, Rebecca, it doesn't sound to me like you're in the hospital. Sounds like you're in a parking garage. A dark and deserted parking garage. But if you wanna be in the hospital, I'd be happy to put you there - in the morgue!
Sidney: This... You film your entire high school experience, and, what, post it on the 'net?
Robbie: Everybody will be doing it some day.
Charlie: It's kind of the one component the killer is missing.
Gale: Wait, what do you mean?
Charlie: Well, if you wanna be the new, new version, the killer should be filming the murders.
Robbie: Yeah, it's like the natural next step in the psycho-slasher innovation. I mean, you film them all real-time, and before you get caught, you upload them into cyberspace.
Charlie: Making your art as immortal as you. [speaking the same time as Robbie] Not to implicate him.
Robbie: [speaking same time as Charlie] Not to implicate me.
Sidney: So, who do you think is doing the murders?
Charlie: Well, it's a Stab fanatic, clearly. Working on less of a Shrequel and more of a Screamake.
Robbie Mercer: Copyright terms, by the way.
Charlie: 'Cause all there are now are remakes. Only horror studios green-light. I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed. The unexpected is the new cliche.
Robbie: Yeah, you gotta have an opening sequence that blows the doors off - gallop some music video direction and the kill's gotta be way more extreme.
Charlie: Modern audiences get sappy to the rules of the original. So, the reverse has become the new standard. In fact, the only sure-fire way to survive a modern horror movie, you pretty much gotta be gay.
Gale: So, why are you so sure that the killer is working by the rules of a horror remake?
Robbie: Well, the original Stab structure is pretty apparent.
Charlie: Yeah, two kids killed in a house when their parents are away?
Robbie: And, then the school's 'hot chick' savage beyond recognition.
Charlie: We all know where it goes from there...?
Sidney: A party.
Charlie: Exactly. A party. Guaranteed third-act-main-cast bloodbath.
Robbie: Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change...
[Sidney picks up the phone]
Sidney: Roberts residence!
Ghostface: You're a survivor, aren't you, Sidney? Your one and only skill: You survive. I've one question for you. What good did it to be a survivor in this little drama, if everyone close to you is dead?
Sidney: ...Who are you?
Ghostface: Turn on the TV to channel 6.
Sidney: Who the fuck are you?
Ghostface: Turn it on. Watch the teaser.
[Sidney turns on the TV]
Newcaster: ...But it nearly turned deathly tonight, with the latest victim of this attack being the wife of the Woodsboro Sheriff: Gale Riley, AKA Gale Weathers, who is in serious condition tonight after being stabbed. Her assailant then disappeared in sea of identic--
[Sidney turns off the TV]
Ghostface: [giggling] Glad you came home, Sidney. Has it been worth it yet?
Sidney: Why are you doing this?
Ghostface: Ah, friends count, but it's the family ties that cut deep. Am I right?
Sidney: What do you mean?
Ghostface: The ones you care about most. And what's closer than family? The bond of blood.
Ghostface: You can't save them. All you can do is watch.
Charlie: Alright, I hope no-one minds, but I'm putting on Stab 7! No-one cancels my movie night!
Jill: [eating popcorn] Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't want to watch that after what happened with Olivia!
Kirby: Oh, come on! It was her favorite!
Charlie: Wow, Kirby. You've got some real classics here!
Kirby: Yep. I could trivia your ass under the table, Cinema Boy!
Charlie: Alright... Who played Leatherface first?
Kirby: [swallows her alcohol] Gunnar Hansen!
Charlie: Wow, did you feel that charge between us just then?
Kirby: Oh, that was me! I have powers!
Trevor: [interrupting Kirby and Charlie's kiss] Hey, have you seen Jill?
Kirby: [slumps back against the chair] Yes, Trevor! She's upstairs! Thank god you're here to protect her, when you can't even find her!
Trevor: [watching the TV] Oh, I love this part! Just when they think they're safe...Ghostface comes in, and BAM! [Charlie storms off and Kirby glares at Trevor] Did I interrupt something?
Kirby: Who invited you, Trevor?!
Trevor: Okay! Sheesh! Obviously, it wasn't you. [leaves the living room] I'm going to find Jill!
Kirby: Get out of my house!
[After Robbie is being stabbed in the shoulder, Ghostface is about to strike the final blow]
Robbie: Wait, no. No you can't... you can't... those rules... I-I'm gay! I'm gay! [Ghostface pauses and tilts his head] If... if that helps?
[Ghostface continues stabbing him]
[Kirby's phone rings.]
Kirby: [checks on her phone.] It's Charlie's phone. [unlocks her phone.]
Ghostface: Tell Sidney it's the rule tonight! Tell Sidney it's all because of her! Or maybe she was into his place. I promise to be quick!
Kirby: [turns to Sidney] It's him.
Sidney: Okay, Kirby, I'm gonna get Jill. Wish me in the same place. Just keep him on the phone. I-I'll be right back okay?
Kirby: Let him go, please.
Ghostface: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab. Instead, you get to live it.
Kirby: No. No, no, no, no. He's the expert. It's not me.
Ghostface: Warm up question: Jason's weapon?
Kirby: Uh, it's a machete.
Ghostface: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?
Kirby: Uh, butcher knife.
Kirby: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!
Ghostface: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?
Kirb: Don't worry, Charlie. I fucking won. I won. He tried to beat me, but I fucking won!
Charlie: [holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her in the stomach.] Four years of class together, and you notice me now? You stupid bitch! It's too late! [stabs Kirby again.] Shhh, I know. It doesn't happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.
[Charlie gets irritated and drops Kirby and he runs away]
Sidney: How could you do this?
Jill: Do you know what I was like growing up in this family? Related to you? I mean, all I ever heard was: "Sidney this!", and "Sidney that!", and "Sidney, Sidney, Sidney!"! You were always so fucking special! Well, now I'm special!
Sidney: You'll slip, they always do.
[After Jill kills Charlie.]
Sidney: Even your friends?
Jill: My friends? What world are you living in?! I don't need friends, I need fans! Don't you get it? This has never been about killing you, it's about... becoming you! I mean, for fuck's sake, my own mother had to die - no great loss there - so I could stay true to the original! It's sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane! You had your fifteen minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around; We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people get famous anymore? You don't have to achieve anything! You just got to have fucked up shit happen to you. So, you do have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There's only room for one lead, and let's face it; Your ingenue days, they're over. [stabs Sidney in the stomach.] Don't tell me you didn't know this day would come.
[Sidney collapses on the floor, as Jill creates the fake scene.]
[Dewey enters Gale's room.]
Gale: Is she gonna be okay?
Sheriff Riley: Yeah. She's a strong kid.
Gale: She's gonna have to be.
Sheriff Riley: She has the few okay? She thinks you guys should write the book together with your matching moves.
Gale: [surprised] Why, she was stabbed in the shoulder? [Dewey nods.] How does she know... I was too...?
[They rush out of the hallway]
[While Sidney is sleeping, Jill enters her room.; Sidney wakes up.]
Jill: You just won't die, will you? Who are you? "Michael fucking Myers"? [Sidney tries to attempts to use the call button, but Jill sees this and grabs it.] I don't think so. [throws it away and begins chokes her] Just fucking die, already!
[After Jill knocks Dewey unconscious, she gets his gun and goes to Sidney.]
Jill: Is this how it's gonna be, Sid? The ending of the movie was supposed to be at the house! I mean, this is just... [through clenched teeth] Silly!
Sidney: Consider this an alternative ending. You're never gonna get away with this, Jill.
Jill: Of course I will!
Gale: Dewey! :[enters Sidney's room, Jill aims her gun at her] Sid... [turns to Jill.] Easy... Okay, okay... What about the book?
Jill: Looks like I'll just have to write it myself! [Judy appears and saves Gale through the hospital bed. Jill shoots, but misses] Goddammit! [Gale and Judy hide under the bed.] Don't even think about shooting, [aims the gun at Dewey.] or I'll blow Dewey's head off. [Gale and Judy turn to each other] What, you think I won't do it?! Give me your gun!
Gale: [to Judy] Do it.
[Judy slowly rises. Sidney gets up and sees this. Judy slowly raises her hands.]
Jill: Just had to be the hero, huh? [aims the gun at Judy.] Give me your gun. [Judy doesn't respond.] What are you, deaf?! Give me! Your gun! [Judy tosses the gun to Jill, who kicks it away. Sidney reaches for the defibrilator] Now get up. [Judy does so] And keep your hands over your head.
Deputy Hicks: Don't do anything stu---
[Jill shoots her in the chest.]
Jill: Don't fucking tell me what to do!
Gale: Oh, God...
[Jill aims the gun at Gale.]
Jill: Now get up, bitch!
Jill: Get up! [Gale looks at her] Now!
[Gale slowly gets up and checks Sidney.]
Jill: Come on! [Gale checks Dewey, who regains consciousness.] Let's go. Get your skinny ass out here!
[Sidney turns on the defibrillator.]
Jill: I'm gonna enjoy blowing your head off.
Gale: Okay, but... Can I just have one final word?
Jill: [scoffs] What? "Please?"
[Sidney grabs two defibrillator pads.]
Gale: No... [The defibrillator charges to 360 joules.] Clear.
Jill: [confused] Clear?
[Sidney appears behind Jill, with the defibrillator]
Sidney: Clear. [electrocutes Jill, until she collapses on the floor.] You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill: "Don't fuck with the original".
[Gale goes to Dewey.]
Gale: Oh, my God, Dewey!
Sheriff Riley: What did I get hit with?
Sidney: Don’t ask.
Gale: [to Sidney] Are you okay?
[Jill gets up and grabs a glass shard.]
Sheriff Riley: She was standing right behind me!
Sidney: They always are.
[Jill stumbles further to Sidney and tries to to kill her, but Sidney grabs the gun and shoots Jill in the chest. Jill collapses on the floor, dead. Everyone sighs]
Gale: Oh, my God...
[Judy gets up]
Deputy Hicks: Nice one.
Gale: [shocked] Hicks, you're alive?!
[Judy unbuttons her uniform, revealing she's wearing a bullet-proof vest.]
Deputy Hicks: "Wear the vest, save your chest".
[Judy collapses. Dewey responds on his radio.]
Sheriff Riley: I got two officers down, several injuries, and a new suspect. [faints]
Gale: We need a doctor! Goddamn it! [rushes out to the hallway]
Sidney: [to her cousin's dead body] I don’t know about you, but I feel a whole better.
[A group of news reporters are reporting outside the hospital.]
News Reporter #1: We're live at Woodsboro Community Hospital awaiting for the public statement for Jill Roberts, survivor...
News Reporter #2: A survivor, what is now being called the Woodsboro Massacre Reboot".
News Reporter #3: Jill Roberts is her name, who'll soon the whole world will now know.
News Reporter #4: ...who single-handedly put a stop in those 21st century Woodsboro killing spree.
News Reporter #5: Jill Roberts of Woodsboro, a girl who's lifted all our spirits tonight. An American hero, right out of the movies.