The Nostalgia Critic/Season 11
The Nostalgia Critic: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
Quotes from the 11th season of The Nostalgia Critic, which aired in 2018.
- [A real life Lara Croft appears in front of Critic, looking EXACTLY like the PlayStation character]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, your smooth pointy face, your terrifyingly large lips, and your breasts. Oh, so square.
- Lara: You know nothing will ever be sexier than me.
- Nostalgia Critic: Never. Never!
- Nostalgia Critic: I know there's a mic for his audio, but can we get a mic for his inner thoughts?
- [The scene of Yogi talking with Smith is shown again, as we hear Nostalgia Critic speaking the inner thoughts of Tom Cavanagh]
- Tom Cavanagh: Just shoot me, just shoot me. Get me out of this dumb flick. What's this Bigfoot Jar Jar Binks that's supposed to be next to me?
- Yogi: Urinate on her to mark her as your territory.
- Tom Cavanagh: Jesus Christ, did he say "piss on her"? He totally said "piss on her"! What the hell kind of movie is this?
- [A pine cone hits Yogi, leading to the Wilhelm Scream]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, I didn't know there was a wrong way to use the Wilhelm Scream, but Yogi Bear found a way.
- [The animation has switched to an animesque art style for no apparent reason, and Horton fires a blast of energy like in Dragon Ball]
- Nostalgia Critic: Where does the elephant of Dr. Seuss even watch anime? Is there a...Crunchyrhyme?!
- Nostalgia Critic: The vulture attacks Horton, resulting in one of my favorite jokes in the movie.
- [Horton escapes Vlad out of the bamboo field]
- Horton: I just know he's gonna jump out somewhere.
- Vlad: [appearing right in front of Horton] Hello. [Horton screams]
- Nostalgia Critic: I can't help it. I like it when the movie critiques its cliches before I do.
- Gerty: How does it feel to be the city's newest, most eligible bachelor? Gotham must know! OH!
- Nostalgia Critic: Is everyone's acting channeling a constant orgasm?
- Nostalgia Critic: At the very least, we have David Cross' cynicism to get us through all this sappiness...
- Ian: I've been there. I wish I could get back all those years I spent plotting my revenge.
- Nostalgia Critic: No. No... Don't you ruin Cross, movie!
- Ian: Hate, anger, regret. They're what consumed me. And they're consuming you.
- Nostalgia Critic: Don't you ruin him, movie! Don't you ruin...he was the only funny thing in any of these!
- Ian: I-It's not too late to do the right thing.
- Nostalgia Critic: [cries out] NO! DAVID CROSS!
- [The clip from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is shown]
- Obi-Wan: You were the Chosen One! You were my brother. I loved you!
- Nostalgia Critic: [upon learning Diaval's name] It's not a name, that's the sound that a goose makes when it farts.
- Nostalgia Critic: Isn't this just what you imagined with the Mad Hatter as a little kid? Imagine the animated one as a child bouncing off the walls, or the Martin Short one acting like a wild animal. And this one... as bland as that kid who gets axed off in Revenge of the Sith!
- Nostalgia Critic: I'm so glad they decided to humanize her with more faults. But even that's not impressive, as there's only 12 books in this... library/church? That's like saying you're a movie buff, if you've only seen 8 films. And they're all Pure Flix!
- Belle: [singing] Oh...
- Nostalgia Critic: DAH! Okay, I'll buy you, just stop singing! You sound like Tina from Bob's Burgers.
- Nostalgia Critic: Universal? Ooh! Maybe Woody's part of... the Dark Universe! [logo is shown] That's what Tom Cruise changed into at the end of The Mummy! [chuckles] And, by God, he's more scary-looking than I could have imagined.
- Woody Woodpecker: Boy, someone's in a hurry for the credits.
- Nostalgia Critic: At last, this movie said something right! This film is... [imitating Woody Woodpecker's laugh] A-a-a-awful! A-a-a-awful!
- Nostalgia Critic: [heartwarming music plays] In 1986, Don Bluth released the animated classic An American Tail. With an aggressive yet still heartfelt tone, it chronicled the lives of a family separated, used clever commentary to display the expectation versus the reality of immigrants arriving in America, and showed the power of the fighting spirit to locate what you thought was lost forever. And then the sequel came out. It's a cowboy movie! [heartwarming music is replaced by lighthearted western music] Released in 1991, Fievel Goes West clearly has little connection with the original in terms of tone, animation, or even the people who made it, and instead decides to make a goofy western. I don't know why this movie exists, why they took this angle with it, or why fate was so cruel to make it Jimmy Stewart's last role. But, here we are.
- Nostalgia Critic: Fievel sticks a fork in him, though, leading to... well, I'll let the scene speak for itself.
- [The lady squeezes the scared Cat R. Waul right into her breasts]
- Lady: Pussy! Pussy, pussy, pussy! Pussy, pussy! Oh, pussy!
- Nostalgia Critic: Is there a word that exists to describe how uncomfortable that was?! [Beat] I don't think there is, so I'm just gotta make one up. That was uneckhable! That was a very uneckhable scene! Uneckhable!
- [Tanya starts to sing "The Girl You Left Behind" as everyone in the saloon exclaims in awe. Tanya's dress becomes transparent by the light of a candle]
- Nostalgia Critic: What was up with seeing through her dress there for a second? That was a little uncomfortable.
- Nostalgia Critic: It starts off with the Columbia logo having its picture taken and given an emoji. I immediately hate all life. We're told how everybody is on their phones, but seeing how this is a Sony movie with Sony products, they don't portray this as a bad thing.
- Gene: That's our user: Alex.
- Nostalgia Critic: You can call him Riley. [Riley from Inside Out appears] It's not his name, but it's who he is.
- Alex: I gotta reply to Addie's text. What should I write?
- Travis: Nothing.
- Alex: Nothing?
- Travis: Words aren't cool.
- Nostalgia Critic: It's like a film mocking a generation's idiocy while also adding to that generation's idiocy.
- Nostalgia Critic: It looks like they have to dance or... um... death.
- Gene: What does she mean by "out"?
- Jailbreak: Digital death.
- Nostalgia Critic: Just Dance got a lot darker in recent years. But Jailbreak can't dance, so Meh shows her how.
- [As this happens, Jailbreak grows enamored with him]
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Jailbreak] Oh, well...he knows how to dance! Clearly, this is a relationship material!
- [Hi-5 dances shaking his butt]
- Hi-5: Nice! Shake it, Gene!
- Nostalgia Critic: Why does a hand have a butt?! Why is that my biggest question, but more importantly, why does a hand have a butt?!
- Nostalgia Critic: [after Shaggy and Scooby scream in each other's faces twice] Whoa, I think this shit just got dim, man!
- Boss Baby: I'm on a mission from above.
- Tim: Are you the Baby Jesus?
- Boss Baby: [sarcastically] Yes. I'm the Baby Jesus.
- Nostalgia Critic: [stops the caption "WHAT!?!" from appearing] This movie's dumb...it's not that dumb.
- Tim: So this is where babies come from?
- Boss Baby: Where'd you think, the cabbage patch? Magic fairies?
- Nostalgia Critic: Vaginas? Actually, they kind of address that.
- Tim: My parents told me that... [whispers something into the Boss Baby's ear]
- Boss Baby: What? Ugh! No, it's disgusting!
- Tim: Yeah, it didn't sound right to me either.
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Tim] That's why I created this fantasy of denial. That's my most probable movie theory!
- Cameraman: Well, at least we can sell the video to Chickens Gone Wild.
- Nostalgia Critic: I don't know what's more disturbing. The fact that there's a show called "Chickens Gone Wild", or the fact that a little boy qualifies to be in it?
- Buck: I'd like to see the movie they make about you now.
- Chicken Little: I just hope they stay true to what really happened.
- Buck: Oh, son, these people are from Hollywood.
- Nostalgia Critic: This irony is so thick, Tony Stark is making a suit out of it.
- [The characters watch a new movie called "Chicken Little: The True Story", a science fiction action film featuring tough, attractive, adult versions of the main characters]
- Nostalgia Critic: The movie is, of course, overblown, ridiculous, and has no connection to the original tale, and the film version they watch isn't that good either.
- [Red throws a plunger into a pig's chest. Another pig takes out a plunger and puts it on the other breast, and the latter starts twirling them like nipple tassels]
- Nostalgia Critic: [traumatized] Nobody needs that in their lives! Nobody needs that in their lives...
- Nostalgia Critic: Funny. They took a long time to establish the bomb bird's ability to blow up and even create a character arc for him, but the first time we find out about this bird's weird power is...
- Red: Well, how about that? My teacher can shoot fireballs out of her butt.
- Nostalgia Critic: How'd that song go from the Rankin/Bass version of Return of the King? ["It's so Easy Not to Try" is played]
- Nostalgia Critic: I like that Bartok, essentially a cute Don Bluth animation, knows he's not gonna be able to turn down a cute Don Bluth animation.
- Girl: [tearfully] Please.
- Bartok: Oh...
- [The girl's eyes grow larger as an ominous chorus plays in the background]
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Bartok] Oh, God! How is she doing that? The eyes! They're getting more and more Don Bluth-y! Aah! Okay, okay. Just stop everything going on in front of me.
- Nostalgia Critic: Again, any movie that has a bear on a plate saying "cabbage" is weirdly doing something right!
- Nostalgia Critic: I'd be laughing more if I wasn't certain that somebody somewhere is getting turned on by this. [A shot of Ludmilla's breasts expanding is shown; to the audience] You know you're out there! And you're weird!
- Mr. President: No! Stop! Come back, Sara!
- [As Sara and Robotnik leave, one of the robot minions holds up a sign that literally says "Goodbye Sara!!" Nostalgia Critic stares at the sign in disbelief]
- Nostalgia Critic: I just want to make sure...we are high right now, right?
- Nostalgia Critic: Knuckles and Tails save Sara, but, big shock, things get sexually awkward.
- [After crashing, Tails is holding on to Sara's breasts]
- Knuckles: Tails! Get off!
- Tails: I'm so sorry.
- [Nostalgia Critic stares in shock]
- Knuckles: I never thought you'd stoop that low!
- [The "Wow!" scene from Marley and Me plays]
- Nostalgia Critic: Well, can't act like I'm shocked that I have to play this. [snaps his fingers and cuts to "Sonic Says"]
- Sonic: Kids, there's nothing more cool than being hugged by someone you like, but if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good.
- Raphael: Hey, April! Are your bits on the other side of the wall?
- Nostalgia Critic: Well, if it was Megan Fox, probably, but... [realizes] Oh! Oh, oh! By bits, you meant...Oh, God, I'm sorry! I thought you were talking about...uh... I think this is a good spot for a commercial.
- Nostalgia Critic: They send Wolf to the wrong house, though, and he interrupts a kids' birthday party, who confuse him for a clown.
- Duncan: It's the clown! Let's hurt him!
- Marty: Excuse me, si-
- [All the kids in the house trample Marty, who tries to fight them off]
- Nostalgia Critic: Again, embracing asshole children. It's even better when the adults start attacking the kids.
- Nostalgia Critic: [Jason holds Marty's monkey toy hostage] I...feel like I missed a page of the script. How did we get to this point?
- Marty: Give me back my monkey.
- Jason: Come and get it.
- Nostalgia Critic: He chases him down to get his monkey... Again, I really wish I saw that page.
- Johnny: It's clobberin' time.
- [Doom gives a simple gasp and get punched]
- Nostalgia Critic: It's just so frigging funny! What were the other sounds that didn't make the cut? [as Doom] Aah! / Oh, no. / Uh-oh. / Uh-huh?! / AHH! / Doy? / Ba-gawk! / The least you could do is follow it up with a... [plays Goofy holler]
Top 11 Stephen King Movies
[edit]- Nostalgia Critic: [as Jojo goes berserk around the lab] Hey, it's how some fans react to the new Powerpuff Girls cartoon.
- Nostalgia Critic: [about Mitch] Boy, Popeye's testicles dropped at an early age.
- Quinn: Is Santa going to die? [Eli nods]
- Nostalgia Critic: The Search for Santa Paws just asked that question! What is wrong with you?!
- Mary: [blandly] My father's magic pebble.
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Nicholas] Oh, I never liked pebbles. It reminds me of sand. It's so coarse, rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. [as Mary] You were made for me. [as Nicholas] I can tell by your rush of emotion.
Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike
[edit]- Penguin: Hey, look, boss. I can do your mom. [forms a shadow puppet of a woman]
- Nostalgia Critic: [facepalming] You know exactly what you said.