The Nostalgia Critic/Season 17

Quotes from the 17th season of The Nostalgia Critic, which aired in 2024.

Aladdin

[Jasmine and Aladdin are watching a parade in China; note that Lea Salonga is the singing voice for both Jasmine and Mulan]

Jasmine: It's all so magical.

Aladdin: Yeah.

Nostalgia Critic: You can see me also singing for Mulan down there.

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[Jasmine, in a sexy slave outfit, is seducing Jafar]

Jasmine: I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.

Nostalgia Critic: She's 15. [shows Simpsons clip of everyone spitting in shock] It's all just lines, they always get an adult to play her, I don't think anyone cares, nobody's going to change their porn now.

Jumanji

[The focus of the film shifts from Alan and Sarah to Judy and Peter]

Nostalgia Critic: I guess the movie got sick of those two kids, so here's two brand new ones.

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[Judy uses a barcode scanner to blind Van Pelt, set to epic music]

Nostalgia Critic: Apparently that was the triumphant "no sale" scene. Guess the music really thought everyone was going to be talking about that moment.

Superman

Nostalgia Critic: And then it gets dumb. Yeah you all know what's coming. Easily the worst part of the movie: Superman spins the Earth in reverse and causes time to move backwards. There's a million reasons why this doesn't work. Some say he could always do it but didn't because it would interrupt in human affairs. Well what, he hasn't already? And what, he couldn't do this a million times before then? In fact, is that really a good ethical code? [Shows the earlier funeral scene for Superman's father] "All those powers and I couldn't save him... Oh wait, I can now!" Like what so he doesn't have to live with his humanity? But okay okay, let's say the death of Lois was what gave him the extra adrenaline to do this trick, like it's a one time thing. Did he stop the extra missile? The gas station still blew up and he saved Jimmy from the dam, but the earthquake didn't happen? And let's say he did. Is there just another Superman flying around that stopped that missile? What happens to him? [shows two alternate Supermen together] Does he just go out to him and act like "Who are you?" "Oh I'm you from a timeline where Lois dies." "Oh is she okay?" "Well she is now." "Well what happens to me?" "Well you die." [alternate Superman explodes] There can be only one.

Superman II

[Superman somehow erases Lois's memories by kissing her]

Nostalgia Critic: But as I've said in the past, he could literally stop a super villain in their tracks by just kissing them and making him forget who they are.

Nostalgia Critic: [as Lex Luthor] Superman. Allow me to explain my evil plot. [Superman kisses him] Who the hell am I?

Nostalgia Critic: And don't lie, a really weird messed up part of your brain, even if it was just for a second, thought of that too. And no Superman movie should be making you think that, even if it's just for a second.

Superman III

[The opening credits rise at awkward angles across the ground]

Nostalgia Critic: To hell with those epic opening titles in space. This sequel opens literally walking over the names of Superman and Richard Pryor. Can't get more fitting than that.

The Land Before Time

Nostalgia Critic: This is going to look weird without a Roman numeral next to it. We made 14 of these?!

[Shows the numerous Land Before Time sequels, then a clip from Liar Liar superimposed with the Universal logo]

Fletcher: How do you sleep at night?!

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[After Littlefoot's mother dies]

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, better get that spring song from Bambi ready!