Total Drama Action

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Seasons: 1: Island 2: Action 3: World Tour 4: Revenge of the Island 5: All-Stars and Pahkitew Island | Main | Spin-offs: The Ridonculous Race / DramaRama

Total Drama Action is the second season of Total Drama.

Episodes[edit]

Monster Cash [2.01][edit]

[the 14 contestants who we're tied from last season's finale get dropped off at a film lot.]
Duncan: Man, I miss the smell of the city.
[everyone else got off the bus.]
Heather: [with her new wig] Step off!
Gwen: You step off!
[Both growl at each other, before falling off the bus and Gwen runs into Harold and Harold runs into Leshawna]
Harold: Ow! Sorry, Leshawna!
Leshawna: No harm done! [the bus drove away] Where is everybody?
Gwen: Uh. Maybe we got off at the wrong stop.
Justin: That broken-down bus only had one stop.
Heather: I'm not hanging around here.
Leshawna: You're gonna give up the chance at a Million Big-Ones. That's a lot of hair-weaves.
Heather: Guess I can stay for a bit.
Beth: Face it. The money's the reason we all put up with Chris.
Trent: Beth, you got your braces off. Nice!
Justin: Hot as ever.
Leshawna: [pulled Justin away from Beth] You look Fi-I-I-ne, girl!
Gwen: You really do!
Lindsay: You're totally on your way to looking the part of my new BFF! That's my new best French friend. I'm so moving to France when I win.
Beth: My mom said my world would totally open up when I got my braces off! She was right! I'M going to France!
Lindsay and Beth: Yay!
[suddenly, Chris drives up in a cart.]
Duncan: Dude! It's about time!
Chris: Hop on, Everyone! C'mon, people! Sheesh! We haven't got all day! This cart's rented by the hour!
Owen: Izzy! Run! [Izzy whistles] I mean, Kaleidoscope.
E-Scope: No one leaves E-Scope behind! [Tarzan yell]

[Owen eats all the food on the table and mumbles after he finishes all of it. Chris comes up to Owen, after watching him eat everything in the craft services tent]
Chris: Owen, the man of many appetites. How was it?
Owen: The turkey was a bit-- [burps] --dry.
Chris: Not surprising, since the food was fake.
Owen: Fake?
Chris: Yep! Just props made from foamcore, silicone, sawdust and wax. It wasn't a speed eating contest. It was a contest to find the key.
Owen: What key? [burps out a key] Oh! You mean this key?
Chris: That'd be the one.
Owen: Does this mean I win?
Chris: Yes. Yes, it does.
Owen: Alright!

Alien Resur-eggtion [2.02][edit]

Chef: [chasing Heather] This is for last season when you put laxatives in my brownies! The only thing that should give people the runs is my under-cooked meat! [shoots Heather with the paintball gun and her wig falls off]
Heather: My wig! [She jumps to grab it but it was too late] No! Don't look at me! [Confessional] Ever since my head was shaved last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I have tried everything. Lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine, [she sips from her cup but ends up spitting out the medicine in disgust and throws the cup to the side] Loser shamin'!

Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to Trent, Gwen, Harold, Duncan and Izzy.
E-Scope: E-scope!
Chris: Fine! E-Scope! Lindsay, Justin and Beth are also safe!
Both: [Hugs Justin] Yay!
Chris: And so is Owen, my man!
Owen: Aww. Thanks, Chris! And thanks Chef! For doing what the prunes couldn't!
Chris: Next is DJ, surprisingly Heather and last but not least... [Bridgette, Geoff and LeShawna are the bottom three] LeShawna!
LeShawna: Whoo-Hoo! [Hugs Bridgette and Geoff] Oops! My bad!
[Geoff and Bridgette had their first elimination that consisted of a double elimination, in which the two castmates with the highest number of votes would be eliminated.]
Bridgette: But, But. I thought everyone liked us.
Duncan: Liked being the operative word. [Confessional] I know exactly who's going to get it this week! [mimics Bridgette and Geoff kissing]
Lindsay: [Confessional] Two words! Bridgette and Geoff!
DJ: [Confessional] Least they'll have each other!
Chris: Any final words?
[Bridgette and Geoff continue to make out, much to some of the contestants' disgust, and they continue to make out as they head for the Lame-O-Sine]

[Exclusive clip: Geoff and Bridgette are at the Lame-o-sine after their elimination]
Geoff: Who gets kicked off a show for making out anyway?
Bridgette: It's not like we weren't serious about the game. We so-so we're weren't we?
Geoff: Yeah. Well, money isn't everything.
Bridgette: Says who?
Geoff: Money doesn't bring happiness.
Bridgette: Really. What does?
Geoff: My mom's mac and cheese?
Bridgette: That ridiculous!
Geoff: You're ridiculous!
Bridgette: I can't believe I blew a million bucks for you!
Geoff: Oh, worth, woo. [Bridgette gasps as she and Geoff start to kiss] I'm sorry.
Bridgette: I'm sorry.
Geoff: I love you.

Riot on Set [2.03][edit]

[Gwen and Trent begin choosing their teammates for their teams]
Chris: Okay, let’s get this bloodbath started. You’re gonna choose schoolyard style. Boy, girl, boy, girl. Ladies first. Since we have no ladies here, Gwen.
Gwen: [sighs] I dunno. Duncan?
Trent: [gasps; Confessional] I can’t believe she just went ahead and chose Duncan! I mean, they’re kind of alike. And now she wants to be on the same team? What am I supposed to make of that? You think you know a person! I choose the beautiful Lindsay!
Lindsay: Yay!
Gwen: [confessional] “The beautiful”? What, was Trent trying to tick me off by picking Lindsay like that? You think you know a person. [End confessional] Because I like to keep things cool, I pick Leshawna.
Leshawna: The girls are back in town!
Lindsay: [gasps] You know what would be so great? If you picked Tyler!
Trent: Tyler’s not in the game anymore.
Lindsay: [disappointed] Seriously? Bummer.
Trent: I choose Justin.
Gwen: Oh. Pick all the good looking contestants. That’ll get you far.
Trent: It will in show biz.
Gwen: [growls] DJ.
Trent: Beth.
Leshawna: Remember, keep your enemies closer.
Gwen: No. Really? You don’t mean... Fine. We choose Heather.
Heather: Really? [Confessional] It’s about time someone realized who’s the most valuable player here. I mean, seriously, people.
Trent: [Confessional] How do you choose between flakier and flakiest? At least Owen got farther in the last game, that’s worth something. Dude, I don’t know. I had to pick someone. I choose Owen.
Owen: Woohoo! [high fives Trent]
Harold: Uh, hello? Don’t wicked skills count for anything? I mean, who else here went to film camp and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer with a thorough knowledge of lighting filters, film stop–
Gwen: I pick Harold. If for no other reason but to shut him up.
Harold: Wise choice.
Gwen: There were no other guys left.
Harold: Still.
Trent: Um, I guess Izzy is on my team then. Izzy?
[E-Scope ignores and whistles]
Lindsay: She likes to be called Kaleidoscope.
Trent: [sighs] Oh, right. E-Scope?
E-Scope (Izzy): Here! Hi!
Chris: Gwen, I christen your team, The Screaming Gaffers. Trent, you’re the Killer Grips.
Beth: Grip? I-I don’t wanna be a grip.
Heather: Please. It’s not like being called a gaffer is something to brag about. It sounds like something that has rabies.

Izzy: I'm a reincarnation of my great-grandma Mavis.

[E-Scope got eliminated because she lost the acting challenge for her team.]
Chris: ...Izzy! Time to go.
E-Scope: I'm not going anywhere. That's not my name.
Chris: Can I get a pen, over here? [is given a pen and writes on the results] It says "E-Scope, now, okay? [E-Scope nods] Yo, guys, wanna make sure we keep this ballot in the files as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure? I'll notarize it. Foresight, that's why they pay me the big bucks!

Izzy: [in Lame-o-sine after her elimination] Woo! I feel so alive! I'm the Izzy E-Scope! I can kick backsides on reality programs! I can tie my ankles together and do back flips down an up escalator! Wanna see! [camera nods] Well then, we will have to go someplace with a up escalator, won't we? Yes, when Hollywood starts calling, E-Scope will have a lot a things on the special skills portion of her resume! [goes down the the floor of the car] I just made myself invisible! Can we stop for banana milkshakes and cheese? Oh, oh, oh, oh! Let's go some place with an up escalator! Do you know what I mean!? Woo!

Beach Blanket Bogus [2.04][edit]

Lindsay: [freezing] When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?
Chris: [wearing winter clothing] As some of you can see, we're actually in the shooting studio.
Duncan: [freezing] And the AC's cranked because...?
Chris: All the cameras and lights get so hot, they can melt Chef's heart. [Chef smiles and waves] And the network told my agent sweaty isn't a good look for me. Your first challenge: hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup.
Leshawna: [aggravated] What did you just ask me to do?
Trent: He means whoever stays on the surfboard the longest wins.

Harold: The only lady fan I actually have is my mom.

Lindsay: Yay! Go Justin!
Beth: Yeah! Go!
Lindsay: Copycat.
Beth: Tan-orexic. [gasps in horror at what she said] Sorry! Friendship bracelet?
Chris: [staring at Justin posing on the surfboard] So... perfect... Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race... [loads seagull firing gun] Almost.
Beth: [as Chris loads the seagull gun] Justin! [in confessional] I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god. Instead, I said... [the camera cuts back to Beth at the challenge] Your face! Watch your beautiful face!

3:10 to Crazytown [2.05][edit]

[Heather continues climbing with LeShawna following behind.]
LeShawna: At least I have hair!
Heather: Your afro is so big, it has it own gravity!
LeShawna: Oh. I'll give you gravity! [pushes Heather off the board, but, holds on to LeShawna and the two girls fall]
Gwen: Where'd they go?
Chris: Not there! Way up there!
[Heather and LeShawna are hanging by a weather vane]

[Trent got eliminated because Justin heard that he was throwing challenges for Gwen and told Gwen that she owed them. Gwen then requested the team to vote him off]
Trent: [after he got eliminated] What? This has to be a mistake!
Chris: Trent, it’s time to go.
Trent: But I can’t leave without saying goodbye to Gwen!
Chris: Yo, Chef? A little help here?
Trent: [gets carried by Chef] Gwen! [gets dropped off the limo]
Chris: 3:10 to Crazytown. Trent is now aboard.
Gwen: Did you call me in here just to make me feel bad?
Chris: Yes, yes we did.
Gwen: Well it worked.
Chris: My work here is done.

Trent: [in Lame-o-sine after his elimination] So, it really stinks that I gotta go. I thought, this season, I'd go all the way, with Gwen. Things with Gwen and I were great. You know that sweet spot on the sofa? The one you spent years carving? That's how Gwen felt to me. Things got a little nuts. Okay, I got nuts. Liking Gwen made me crazy. Crazy enough to lose a million bucks. I guess the Grips are better off without me. UH! [bangs his head against the wall] Think my forehead needs a bit of time to heal.

Aftermath I [2.06][edit]

Bridgette: Trent was such a stand-up guy. He did not deserve what happened, right?
Sadie: Oh, totally not.
Bridgette: And all because of Gwen.
Geoff: Whoa, back up, Bridge. Couples break up; it wasn't Gwen's fault.
Bridgette: Trent lost out on a million bucks because of Gwen.
Geoff: So, Gwen went behind Trent's back and told his team to vote him off, that doesn't mean...[hears the audience gasp in shock] Whoa, what?
Trent: [backstage, having just heard what Geoff said] Awww man, what?! Are you kidding? Gwen did what?! This is a joke, right?
Geoff: Whoa... did someone not tell the dude?

Sadie: Trent is nuttier than my sister's peanut allergies. Hi, sister Cindy.

Trent: My grandpa gave me a toy train with ten wheels as a gift. One of the wheels fell off leaving only nine wheels on my train. My grandpa died. My mom was the one that told me that nine was my lucky number.

Geoff: Trent isn't innocent in this. What about the time he kissed Heather? Gwen was totally wrecked. Remember?
Sadie: [gasps] I remember! Trent totally cheated on Gwen, first season.
Bridgette: That was Heather's fault. She tricked Trent into kissing her.
Geoff: A dude hardly needs to be tricked into kissing the hottest chick on the show. [the audience, Izzy, Katie, Sadie, and Bridgette gasp at what Geoff said] What?
Bridgette: I cannot believe you just said Heather was the hottest girl on the show!

The Chefshank Redemption [2.07][edit]

[Izzy emerges from the soil and returns to the game]
Screaming Gaffers: Kaleidoscope?!
Izzy: Yip! Yip! Yip!
Duncan: Yep, I'd say that's her.
Izzy: Yep! I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs. [an angry prairie dog emerges from her hair, growling] Aw, Butchie, it's okay. These are my friends.

Beth: My dad would have been very angry at me when I have lost it.

Gwen: My brother puked on me in the tilt-a-whirl.

[Gwen got eliminated because she threw the challenge and voted herself off in order to repay the Killer Grips for when Trent was throwing challenges for her]
Chris: Time's up! I'll tell you the votes! Duncan, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold. Another award and one day to compete. Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million goes to... Heather!
Heather: [to Gwen] Sorry, Gwen, you're not the winner. You lost, so you're a loser. It's just logic!
Leshawna: [in confessional] Voting for Gwen? Yeah, that hurt. I'm not saying Heather was right, but something must have gone on for Gwen, smacking Harold upside his sweet, little head like that. Girl wasn't right, and when you're not right, YOU'RE WRONG.
Harold: [in confessional] Thing is, if Gwen had stayed in the game; according to prison rules, I'd either have to break a shovel over her head or fall in love with her. Obviously, neither option was feasible.
Heather: [in confessional] My vote plus Leshawna and Harold's equals the greatest day of my life. Bye bye, Gwenny!
[Chef puts handcuffs on Gwen]
Chef: Dead girl walking!
Duncan: Leave her, take me!
Chef: Sure, whatever. [Chef takes handcuffs off Gwen]
Duncan: What? Wait, wait! Okay, I didn't actually mean...
Gwen: [takes handcuffs out of Chef's hands] Nice try, Duncan. You're not getting off that easy. Good luck, eh? [in confessional] Definition of lousy: being a stickler for your word and having to vote yourself off. [looks and points upwards] Whoever's in charge of karma, I hope that counts for something!

Gwen: [in the Lame-o-sine after her elimination] Guess I'm not going to get my necklace back from Trent. Oh, well. Guess that's karma for you. [sighs] I'm so relieved that this whole thing is all over! Is that... Trent!? Hurry up, driver! Can we please shut this off now? Aftershow? There's an aftershow!? Oh, you've got to be kidding! [tries to open the door] Let me out of here!

One Flu Over the Cuckoos [2.08][edit]

Owen: Hey! You know what my brothers and me did once? We had a no hands pizza off! [laughs] You should've been there!
Izzy: Let's pretend I was... here!
[Izzy jumps off her chair, gets on her hands and knees, and begins tearing into one of the pizzas]
Owen: You're magnificent.
[Izzy eats pizza with no hands and goes overboard]
Lindsay: My hair!
Justin: My pecs!
Owen: My pizza!

Izzy: [confessional] I am so glad to be back! I was top of my pre-med class before the RCMP started chasing me, so this should be a snap! And Owen is just the sweetest thing ever! If he were a candy bar, he'd taste just like caramel covered marshmallows.
Owen: [confessional] It's so sweet to have Izzy back! It's like Christmas, but with pizza! [laughs] It's Pizz-mas!

Harold: Mother, is that you?

Heather: I leave all my belongings to my mom in a written will and have the option of spending time away with me have I been chosen to accept the prize.

Heather: I call my brothers and sisters lazy slackers.

Duncan: This pie is rad! Who knew Chef could rock the za!?
Harold: Aren't you having any, Leshawna? [Leshawna looks up from her reading]
Leshawna: [confessional] I love pizza, but me and dairy do not agree, and, brother, you do not wanna be around for that.
Duncan: Well, [grabs another slice] no pizza for Leshawna, means more for the rest of us.
Harold: Hey, slow down, DJ hasn't had any.
Heather: Where is DJ?
DJ: [sneaks into the mess hall from the kitchen after making the pizzas] I've been here the whole time, obviously. Now, hand me some pie. [Duncan throws a slice to him, he holds under his breath after tasting it] Man, I am good.
Leshawna: Hmph. Well, I'm not gonna just sit around and watch y'all eat. Tomorrow's a Reward Challenge. No need to bust our humps when no one's getting kicked off.
Duncan: [puts down book] Lady has a point. I'm out.
Heather: [in confessional] I could have forced them to stay, but it's not like they'll help us win. I mean, medical terms? Please. Those two would only come in handy if the challenge is about piercings or plus-size shopping.
[Duncan and Leshawna are talking outside the mess hall]
Leshawna: Now that Gwen's gone, we gotta watch our backs around Heather. I was thinking, what if you, me, and Harold form an alliance?
Duncan: [laughs] What, you, and me, and Harold!? In an alliance!? [laughs uncontrollably]
Leshawna: I'm serious!
Duncan: [walks away] Yeah, yeah, whatever.

The Sand Witch Project [2.09][edit]

LeShawna: Since when does Chef interfere in challenges? Smells kinda funny to me.
Harold: Oh, that's me. Sorry. I was saving them for later.
Justin: You guys gotta let me be the killer! The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!
Izzy: Okay, I am such the better scarier. My own dog is terrified of me, okay?
Owen: But you're cute as a bug in a rug!
Lindsay: Hey, you guys? Um, Beth?
Justin: Later, Lindsay. I wanna be the killer, okay? And that's it.
Izzy: But look at my scary face! [babbles]
Owen: D'aw, that's not scary, that's adorable.
[Izzy growls]
Owen: This is a scary face.
Lindsay: Beth is going to be our serial killer and that is that! Beth's a non-screamer. We have to have her as the killer or we're going down!

Duncan: [to the Screaming Gaffers] Me and my brothers would cover ourselves in fake blood and try to scare kindergarteners on Halloween, even causing up to a dozen five-year-olds to have seizures.

Lindsay: When me and my sisters choose where to go shopping I'm always the third vote.

[The Killer Grips are at the ceremony after they lost the challenge]
Chris: And now, fraidy-cat Grips, it's time to announce who will not win a Gilded Chris this week! Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes? [Chef, with a glare, gave Chris a slip of paper] And the Gilded Chrises go to Izzy, Beth, Owen. Still on the chopping block, Lindsay and Justin.
Lindsay: What? I can't be going. Why would people be mad at me? Beth?
Beth: You were a little… bossy.
Lindsay: Hello! It’s called leadership.
Chris: And the final Gilded Chris goes to…
[Lindsay was about to be voted off, but DJ announced that he was quitting the game out of guilt for the secret alliance he had with Chef Hatchet]
DJ: STOP! I'm gonna do what I've should've done long ago. Make mama proud. I'm voting myself off.
Chef: DJ! [laughs sheepishly] Why don't you and I have a chat before you do anything stupid!
DJ: No, Chef! I'm not listening to you anymore! Chef and me, we had an illegal alliance. [Everyone gasps upon hearing this] He's been tutoring me and tuff, coaching me through the challenges. I'll miss you all!
Owen: Wait. Wait. Wait. You've been cooking all the delicious food. The pizza, the cheesecake, the sandwiches.
Duncan: Dude! You can't leave!
Justin: [The Killer Grips walk onstage] Yeah! Can't we just vote Chef off instead?
DJ: Sorry, buddy! Gotta make it right for mama!
All: Aww…

DJ: [inside the Lame-o-sine after quitting the game] Wednesday, momma and I are going to the petting zoo. She likes the ducks because they have honest faces. I like the bunnies because they don't lie. I hope she isn't as mad at me in real life as she was in my dream. I did the right thing in the end. Isn't that what matters? So I lost out on a million bucks, but I still have my integrity. Well, with everyone who didn't watch the show, I guess. As for the people who did watch the show, maybe I can bake them my famous cinnamon buns.

The Sand Witch Project (Ft. Gumball, Anais, Mac, Bloo, Cartman, Stan, Panty, Stocking, Mordecai, Junior, Cody, 1Smash18) [2.09.5][edit]


Justin: You guys gotta let me be the killer! The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!
Anais: [Correctly Impressed] I guess that could be okay.
Izzy: [Lindsay raised a finger to speak, but Izzy interrupted her] Okay, I am such a way better scarcer, My own dog is terrified of me, okay?
Owen: But you're cute as a bug in a rug! [Izzy looks at him in disgusted]
Gumball: Dude, little tip: You're only picking Izzy as our serial killer for stupidity.
Bloo: [To Gumball] Just give it a chance, Just this once?
Mac: I think I'll have to go with Gumball on this one, Bloo, Sorry.
Lindsay: Hey, you guys? Um, Beth?
Justin: Later, Lindsay, I wanna be the killer, okay? And that's it.
Cartman: No way..
Panty: [To Justin] Yeah, and your beautiful face are the size of dinner plates. and fierce, and oh, God, are they sensitive!
Stocking: Of course girls who freak out over Justin's beautiful face. I say titters because his face is so beautiful, that actually make me laugh.
Panty: Ah. It's cool. Your tits keep you from looking like a girl. I get it. Then you won't feel like you're hooking up with a pedophile.
Izzy: [To Panty And Stocking] But look at my scary face! [she made a face, that is more silly than scary]
Stocking: [To Izzy, And gets it now] I do not understand how I can ever be related to you, You're nothing but a crazy, hoe-bagging nutjob!
Panty: Remember that time when I told you to become a killer? You gotta be the killer with that inner fucking peace!
Owen: [To Izzy] D'aw, that's not scary, that's adorable. [Izzy turns around, and hisses at him] This is a scary face.
Lindsay: BETH IS GOING TO BE OUR SERIAL KILLER AND THAT IS THAT!
Stan: [Growls Loudly And Then He Violently Begins To Shout At Her] I DON'T CARE!!!!! DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE????!!!!!!!!!!! [Wrap sound, Stan opens his eyes, only to see everyone on his team are understandably and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful things he said, proceeding them to beat him up, it became silent, but for the next 10 seconds] I'm Dead Aren't I?
Izzy: LET'S GET HIM!!!!
Stan: no..No..NO...NO! [in lighting fast, they aggressively begin to beat him up mercilessly as the screen fades to black] AAAAGH!!! GET OFF OF ME YOU BUNCH OF MONSTERS!!!!!!
Gumball: So?
Anais: It looks like your face to face turned into more of a... face to fist...
Gumball: What the... What?!
Lindsay: [confessional] Can I just tell you that fel-
Stan: [Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst] YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [With A lot Of Rage, Stan Violently Throw A Huge Rock At Lindsay, Smashing Her To The Sky, Screaming In The Process, Earthy Crust starts playing]
Mordecai: OH REALLY STAN!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!?!?!?!?!
Stan: [Yells Back At Mordecai] YEAH REALLY!!!!!!!!
[Stan's Behavior Got Worse, And As Of A Huge Result, This Challenge Erupted Into A Violent Argument Of Fury, While Gumball And Anais Watches Them In True Horror]
Mordecai: YOU'VE KILLED YOUR OWN TEAMMATE YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!
Stan: STOCKING IS GONNA BE THE FUCKING SERIAL KILLER!!!!!! LOOK I DON'T CARE!!!! [Points at Beth angrily] BETH IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!! [That Was It, It Was At This Moment Where Lindsay's Patience Went Completely Dry]
Lindsay: [Finally Fed Up With Stan's Rudeness and Jerkass] AAAARRGHHHHHH!!!!!! [runs at Stan and pins him hard against studio 9] BETH IS GOING TO BE THE KILLER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! YOU'D BETTER GET ALL OF THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!! SHE IS GOING TO BE OUR SERIAL KILLER, AND IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN!!!!!!!
Stan: [He Violently Loses It, Talking In Cartman's Voice] FUCK YOU, LINDSAY!!!!!! [releases a furious fist, knocking Lindsay to the ground]
Cartman: FIGHT!!! [Stan begins to bruise her up violently, Mordecai punches Stan in the face, leads them into a full blown fight, everyone gather round to watch, Half of them are cheering them on, the other half stay quiet, Wendy cries and hides her face with her notebook, terrified at Stan's Violent Outburst]
Cody: Hoh-Woah, School Fight!
Junior: Yeah, Stan Marsh! You Beat Her Up, And You Keep Fighting Him!
1Smash18: Oh You Got The Best Of Both Worlds Right There! Except There Attacking Each Other! [Eats Some Popcorn]
Anais: I guess logic of reason just went down the drain.

[The Next Day Before DJ got booted off and Stan being disqualified for his violent outburst, Bloo alongside with Mac are talking to a group of the team Screaming Gaffers: Haorld, Heather, Duncan & Leshawna]
Bloo: ...It was completely crazy! Lindsay shouts that Beth would be the killer and that is final, But then out of nowhere...Stan suddenly snaps and smashed her into the sky with a huge rock and grows increasingly uncooperative into the completion of accepting Beth as a killer and insulting her saying "Beth is stupid anyway!", so Lindsay begins to yell at Stan, slams his head into studio 9, and threatens him that she will SMASH his teeth in if he keeps being such a jerk and Stan just started WHALING on her, And started to tear her limb from limb!
Leshawna: Smells kinda funny to me.
Bloo: [Being Serious] I'm telling you! Stan just bruise Lindsay up, and beat the shit out of Mordecai, and then he got disqualified as of a result!
Haorld: Stan did that? that was very harsh.
Heather: Are you being serious?
Mac: He is being serious!
Bloo: We need to avenge Stan right now! Or else at some point, The Killer Grips might start suspecting something's up!

Masters of Disasters [2.10][edit]

Chef: [pulls out giant book] Ahhh, my unpublished manifesto. I've lived a lotta years! [he hurls the book at Owen nailing him in the mouth]
Owen: Ouchie! That'll hurt come morning.
Izzy: Oh, no! Owen! Are you okay?
Chef: [smugly] My editor was right, my life really is dangerous!

Beth: [confessional] Did Owen actually break his jaw?! [gasps] That’s so tragic! Owen lives to eat!
Izzy: [confessional] Owen is my buddy! He’s the only one who truly gets me. If something happens to Owen, I’ll be stuck with my imaginary friends. And let’s face it. I should’ve ditched them years ago. [hollow knock] Yeah, Phil. I’m talking to you!

Chris: The good news is, it looks like Owen won the challenge for the Killer Grips!
Leshawna: Oh, no, he didn't!
Harold: Yeah, we got our whole team across the finish line!
Chris: Serious injury trumps all!
Heather: You just make up the rules as you go along, don't you?
Chris: I love my job!

Izzy: How's Owen doing?
Chris: Oh, Owen's fine, a little broken jaw, but it's all wired shut now. Shouldn't take more than 4 - 6 weeks to heal.
Beth: Oh no! It's that bad?
Chris: [with feigned enthusiasm] I mean, he's doing fine.
[The Killer Grips glare at him.]

Justin: What is that?
Beth: I really wish my boyfriend was here. He's a registered lifeguard.
Izzy: Uh-huh. Yeah. It would be great if he were here, you're right. You know what would be better?
Beth: What?
Izzy: If he existed in the first place! Now let's get out of this death trap!

Beth: Oh no! It's a combination lock!
Izzy: Sound familiar?
Lindsay: How are we ever going to open it?
Beth: Guys, we better get to it quick before the water gets too high!
Justin: I'll do it.
Lindsay: No, I wanna do it.
Justin: Just give it to me. Lindsay. Lindsay. Lindsay.
Lindsay: Look, I just...But I wanna do it! Come on!
Izzy: Urgh...
Justin: So come on, what are the numbers? Read 'em out.
Izzy: Ugh! I'm surrounded by loons!
Justin: Where?
Lindsay: Oh, I love ducks!

Chris: Really, it might be time to end the challenge. The water's getting pretty high. And uh, those kids are terrible swimmers.
Chef: Focus! I want my chips back. I'm starving. [crunch]
Chris: This is getting serious. Turn off the water! [gasps] We've gotta get the cast out of there! Simple formula! No more contestants equals no more episodes equals no paycheck and the end of my luxurious lifestyle!
Chef: Texas Hold 'Em?
Chris: You're not hearing me!
Chef: What? Gin Rummy?

Masters of Disasters (Ft. Panty and Stocking) [2.10.5][edit]


Izzy: How’s Owen doing?
Chris: Oh, Owen’s fine. A little broken jaw, but it’s all wired shut now. Shouldn’t take more than four to six weeks to heal.
Beth: Oh no! It’s that bad?
Chris: I mean, he’s doing fine.
Panty: [To Everyone] Well, I hope you've all learned something from all of this.
Lindsay: Wait, What?!
Panty: [To Izzy] If you would of climb or just told Owen to duck like you were supposed to, NONE of this would of happened! [In responses, Izzy punches Panty in the face, and everyone cries out in shock, Stocking and Lindsay hold Izzy back while Beth and Justin hold Panty back]
Chris: Izzy, what are you doing?!
Izzy: What is your problem, Panty?! This has nothing to do with us losing the challenge! He just won for our team!
Panty: And look where it got him! [points to the Ambulance] Your fatass friend over there is just only gonna make us lose again!
Izzy: [laughs harshly] Yeah right, taken from the harmless jerk named Panty about friends, since you've got so many of them!
Panty: [Folds her arms] I have friends.
Izzy: No you don't! Everyone only hangs out with you because you're new! Owen only won the challenge for us, He doesn't deserve to have a broken jaw because of it!
Brief: Hey, Panty? How's it going and all that your father here was kind enough to show me the way to your room through his bedroom he is a very affectionate large man.
Garterbelt: Now, don't forget I am single and look's for some Mingle's Angel.

Full Metal Drama [2.11][edit]

Owen: [clenched teeth] It’s not about what I’m doing, it’s about what I’m not doing.
Harold: Pipes a little backed up?
Owen: [clenched teeth] Who knew a diet of blended corn beef and cheese puff shakes could stop my whole system? [strains] C’mon, c’mon! Just a nugget!
Chef: Make way, coming through!
Owen: [clenched teeth] Chef, a little privacy? I’m trying to poop-a-doop here.
Chef: Doctors orders, I’ve got the cure for your no-can-doo-doo right here. One part fruit, nine parts bran.
Owen: [clenched teeth] That isn’t even food-esque!
Chef: Don’t push, kid. They’re making me serve you on account of my bad behavior.
Leshawna: Give it here. I’ve been starving half to death since DJ left! [drinks it all]
Chef: Girl’s gonna feel that.
Leshawna: My, my! Who knew liquid bran could be so tasty? [burps] Even on the return trip.
Owen: [clenched teeth] I’d say that my work here is done, but I never even got started.

[Izzy got eliminated again because Justin convinced Beth and Lindsay to vote her off, as opposed to him, when she told him that he wasn't that cute.]
Chris: This one's a nail-biter. I'd say no one's safe. Lindsay, how do you feel about your chances?
Lindsay: Let's face it, Chris! It was my lousy Admiraling that cost us the challenge, if I go home tonight, I won't blame anyone, except Beth.
Beth: Why me?
Lindsay: I had to blame someone.
Chris: Then, there's Izzy. You overdid it on the first challenge and cost your team an important victory. Will it be your crazy bum sitting in the lamousine tonight for the second time?
Izzy: Explosivo does not answer most questions!
Chris: Justin! Beth and Lindsay seem to have kinda left your corner, pretty boy. Are you worried?
Justin: I never worry! Causes wrinklage!
Chris: All right then. Votes have been tabulated. So, it’s time to present the awards. [A parachute falls along with the vote sheets] Tonight, the Gilded Chris goes to… Beth, Lindsay, and… Owen. [Izzy and Justin are the bottom two] And now, only two nominees left. The final award goes to... JUSTIN! [Justin is given his Gilded Chris, Izzy is shocked]
Izzy: Porqué?
Owen: I'll miss you, Iz. [Owen is about to kiss, but Chef grabs Izzy, and carries her to the Lame-o-Sine]
Justin: [in confessional] I'm not saying I voted for Izzy just because she said I'm not cute. Okay, it was because of that. Thing is, Beth and Lindsay told me they were sending me home. So, you see? I didn't lose my mojo. I just needed to... shake things up, huh. With my new patented all-time, lady-killing, Mega-Flip. [Justin flips his hair, by shaking his head] I'm back, baby.

Izzy: [in Lame-o-sine after her second elimination] Yeah, getting voted off feels like it happened weeks ago. I guess cause it did happen weeks ago! [giggles] But I know my team loves me! I know it was Justin who got me voted off. But I don't blame him! And if Big O voted against me, I'm not even mad at him! But Explosivo? He is one crazy vengeful hombre! So, Big O, I'd check your sleeping bed before you get into it tonight. I think Explosivo might have left you a little something to remember him by! [takes out bomb] A little something that goes: Boom Boom! [she almost drops the bomb and tries to catch it]

Aftermath II [2.12][edit]

Gwen: Duncan didn't vote me off.
Courtney: Only because you had your goth girl hooks into him!
Gwen: Courtney, we're just friends! Please tell her, Trent.

Sadie: Hi, Auntie Gwen.

Gwen: Ugh! we're just-
Geoff: Uh-uh! [Pointing to the anvil] Watch what you say!
Gwen: ... Friends.
[The anvil stays where it is, proving that she's telling the truth]
Courtney: I am so calling my lawyer!

Ocean's Eight - Or Nine [2.13][edit]

[Courtney returns to the game after winning her lawsuit against the show]
Chris: [straining to read a document from Courtney's lawyers] Teams, it is my honor to report that Courtney is back for the duration of the game. [Courtney waves to the Gaffers as Duncan looks scared] And, we're all exceedingly happy about it!
Heather: She got voted out fair and square!
Courtney: Sorry, Heather, but myself and the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen and Strauss would beg to differ. We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers and won.
Harold: Great news, eh, Duncan?
[Duncan shoves Harold in the face and to the floor]
Chris: So, Courtney, since you were our bank teller in the challenge, great job by the way, you get to decide which team deserves to win first prize, your bag of loot.
Courtney: The choice is obvious, it's Duncan! I mean the Gaffers, since they were the only team that managed to get to my ticket. [Duncan walks up to get the bag] Congratulations.
Duncan: [very confused and strained look and cracking voice] Thank you?
Heather: I've seen manlier men trying on women's shoes.
Chris: [waves hand over Grips] So that means, The Killer Grips win second prize!
Justin: What's second prize?
Chris: [waves hand over Courtney] Courtney! For the rest of the game, or until she's eliminated!

Heather: "Non-negotiable Chris cash. Accepted only in the Total Drama Action craft services tent towards the purchase of water from the tap?!"
Harold: Sometimes, I really hate that smile of his.

[Although all Killer Grips voted off Courtney, her lawyers made it so she could not be voted off in that episode. She voted off Owen for losing the challenge]
Chris: Like always, Killer Grips, one member of your team will not be receiving a coveted Gilded Chris, made of the finest Belgian chocolate. [Owen's stomach grumbles and his jaw holder breaks lose and a piece hits Courtney in the eye] But not like always, and this is important to remember: This week, according to our lawyers, none of you are allowed to vote off Courtney. You got that, dudes!? The show can't afford any more lawsuits! [whispers] My massage budget has been sliced in half! [The Killer Grips casted their votes. Chef gives the vote sheets to Chris] And the Gilded Chris Awards go to Beth, Lindsay, Justin. [looks at the vote sheet] Why do I have four votes to boot out Courtney when I specifically said you COULDN'T?
Justin: I guess we couldn't help ourselves.
Lindsay: No matter what? My finger would only press the Courtney button.
Chris: Well, that leaves us with one vote that counts.
Courtney: Owen, you've been eliminated.
[Owen walks up to Chris]
Justin: This is bull!
Lindsay: You can't do that!
Chris: Sorry, bud, no Chocolate Chris Award for you.
Owen: Not even an ear?
Justin, Beth, and Lindsay: Speech, speech, speech, speech!
Courtney: He lost the game for us, guys. Hello?
Chris: Anything in your contract that'll stop him from speaking?
Courtney: Um, no... but --
Chris: Then... a little light for my friend here.
Owen: [laughs while wearing his suit] Wow! I'd like to thank the academy!
Chris: The Academy of the Glided Chris. Trademark patented and all mine.
Owen: [reading his speech] This has been the role of a lifetime. Thanks to Justin, [shows Justin as a hot dog in Owen's eyes] who inspired me every day with his physical perfection and "hot dogginess." To Lindsay, [shows Lindsay as a bottle of soda] who is also beautiful, in a "soda-poppy" kind of way. To Beth, [shows Beth as a chicken leg] who motivated me with her delicious crispy skin, [Beth frowns] and her tender, juicy goodness. To Chris, [shows Chris as a slice of pizza] who also smells -- [The Gilded Chris theme begins to play, as to cut Owen's speech short] What? No, no, you can't play me off yet! To my mom, who let me quit piano lessons! To my brothers, I'm sorry for scamming you out of your Halloween Candy.
Lindsay: [in background] We love you, Owen!! [Lindsay, Justin, and Beth throw their Chocolate Chris' at Owen]
Justin: This Chris is for you.
Owen: [begins to mumble because of the Chris that landed in his mouth, and awakens from the flashback in regular clothes, on the ground] I love this game!
Chris: And that wraps up another totally dramatic episode, without absolutely no loose-ends to tie up. Isn't that right, Chef?
Leshawna: [still locked inside] Guys? Yoo-hoo? What do you say?
Chef: Nope.
Chris: Nah. Didn't think so.

Owen: [in Lame-o-sine after being voted off by Courtney] If Lindsay and Beth hadn't looked so tasty, none of this would have happened. I guess you can't win 'em all, especially after suffering an injury to the body's most important organ - The mouth! Hey. Now that I'm free, I can go anywhere I want. [chuckles] Driver, take me to the nearest food court, and step on it! I've had more than enough action, it's time for some snackin'! Hoo-hoo! One last cheese squeeze before I go. [farts]

One Million Bucks B.C. [2.14][edit]

Heather: [Confessional] It kills me. That Lindsay-iot has all that hair on her head when it's her fault I lost mine. I would've chopped it off, but all I had was a hairbrush.

Lindsay: [Confessional; angered by Courtney's actions] Courtney thinks she knows everything. But she doesn't know that when I was twelve, my flat iron once accidentally set fire to my grandma's house. Twice!

Chris: Thanks to Courtney's lawsuit, she'll be playing by a set of different rules.
Duncan: You said there are no rules.
Courtney: There are if you have a good lawyer.
Chris: Chef, Let's get this over with... Ahem! Rule one. Notwithstanding that contestants are not permitted with contact from the outside world. The contestants hereafter refer to as "Courtney" may retain a Personal Digital Assistant. AKA her PDA.
Beth: What?! That's so not fair! I'm the one with a boyfriend!
Chris: Care to take that up with our legal department, Beth? [Chef breaks a court mallet and Beth gasps] Didn't think so... Rule Two. Whereas contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Chef Hatchet, Courtney shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience consisting of producers, and myself as applicable. I hope you like lobster.
Beth and Heather: No way!
[everyone, but Chris and Courtney yell in protest]
Chris: Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one.
Courtney: What?! I'm still sleeping in the girl's trailer!
Chris: Where she will have a pure goose down pillow, extra comfy loftier, and 700-count sheet. Oh, and her Own... Private... Bathroom! [everyone yells in protest at Chris and Courtney again] Those are the new rules. Let's call them "Courtney's Rules" in honor of Courtney. Who gets special treatment. And an unfair advantage.
Duncan: Nice. Our spoiled princess didn't waste any time hooking herself up!
Courtney: And you didn't waste any time hooking up with Gwen after I left!
Duncan: While I'm touched, you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business.
Courtney: You're on TV! They're everyone's business!
Duncan: Well then the whole world knows that at least I play by the rules... Most of the time! What? Don't think you can win the million bucks fair and square?
Courtney: I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed and both hands tied behind my back!
Duncan: Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that! [both growl at each other]

Million Dollar Babies [2.15][edit]

Leshawna: [recorded video on Courtney's PDA with Leshaniqua] Ooh, Heather! Mm! Just mean for the sake of being mean. Lindsay has half the brain cells, max. And is usually gone out shopping. Ooh, Ooh! Probably with Justin's giant ego. [laughs] Duncan, likes to think he's a bad boy, but when Courtney was there, she basically dragged him around by his eyebrow ring. Beth, actually wears a side ponytail. A side pony! And Harold? Darn fool's sweet on me, but he's getting about as much play as an old school cassette in a world of MP3s! [She and Leshaniqua laugh hysterically]
Leshaniqua: Ooh, girl.
[After watching the video, everyone turns to Leshawna and glare angrily at her]
Leshawna: You don't understand, that was outside the game! I didn't know anybody'd see it!
Lindsay: So, you weren't just joking? I thought maybe you were joking.
Leshawan: Uh, yes. I was. And I wanted you to see it. Isn't that right? [laughs] Psych!

[Heather got eliminated because Leshawna's cheerleading convinced Duncan and Harold to vote for her, who lost a challenge and had a bad reputation from past actions, instead of Leshawna]
Chris: So, the Gaffers lose it again! Must be tough! Especially with your own teammate dissing you all over the World Wide Web.
LeShawna: Hey! I got enough problems with you messing things up.
Chris: And Heather, you would have to feel awful about your humiliating. loss to Beth on the badminton court. [pause] Heather?
Heather: Sorry! I'm trying to remember what feeling awful is like.
Chris: Duncan might remember, since he lost to a girl in wrestling.
Duncan: She's not a girl. She's Courtney! It's a whole other thing!
Chris: Harold! I'd say you might be the only one who might be safe.
Harold: Well, Chris. I...
Chris: No one wants to hear it! [Gave Harold a Gilded Chris] Just take the statue! [Tosses another Gilded Chris to Duncan] Diaper Shark! You're safe too! [Heather and LeShawna are the bottom two] LeShawna...
Leshawna: [nervously] Yes?
Chris: I'm sorry, but...heads up!
[Leshawna catches the award and stands up in delight]
Leshawna: Yes!
Heather: What?! You voted me off?! Me?!!

Heather: [in Lame-o-sine after her elimination] You know, it's really just a total relief to be out of there. In a mill isn't worth wasting another second of my time with those freaks. At least I didn't have to lick anyone's armpit this time. And now, I have the time to get a weave and correct this travesty. I mean the million would have come in handy to get some totally rad extensions, and my dad's so cheap I'll probably end up with pony-hair. Maybe I can cut my mom's off while she's sleeping. She's always had nice volume. Now that the dumb game's done, the possibilities are endless.

Dial M for Merger [2.16][edit]

[Lindsay tries using the doorknob to get in the girls' trailer, and a camera, scans her face.]
Voice: Intruder alert! Entry denied!
[The stairs dissolve and it sends Lindsay falling down a hole. Duncan comes over.]
Duncan: What the?! [A tranquilizer dart hits him and he passes out and falls in the hole]
Courtney: Duncy!
Harold: Duncy?!
[A bowler hat knocks Courtney out and falls in the hole, the others gasped.]
Justin: Run for cover!
[Leshawna, Beth and Justin take refuge in the boys' trailer, Harold tried to follow, but, the door closed on him.]
Beth: What's happening?! Are we gonna die?
Harold: [in confessional] I used to think the producers were mean. But now I think they're actually trying to kill us! If you ask me, it's a conspiracy to- [An intern knocks him out by hitting him in the back of the head with a nightstick]
[Justin, Beth, and Leshawna are trapped in the boys' tralier]
Justin: Hey, where's Harold?
Beth: We're all gonna die!
Justin: Beth, it's gonna be alright. Just focus on my calming beauty, and my soothing complexion. [Beth cries her eyes out] Ah! I'm hideous!
Leshawna: Oh no! This is not happening to me!
[a gas bomb is thrown inside, and Justin, Beth, Leshawna get knocked out]

Justin: [after Beth elbows him in the eye] My eye! My beautiful, un-insured eye!
Beth: I'm so sorry! Are you okay? [Beth touches his elbow]
Justin: Ah! I bruise easier than a clingstone peach. Must prevent swelling... I need ice! Ice! [Justin runs away, then looks at himself in a mirror] I... am... a hideous beast! No one will ever hire me now! My modeling career is over! I'll have to go work in the circus as one of those... circus freaks.

[Lindsay is talking to Courtney at the Lim-o-sine as she ignores her]
Lindsay: Isn't this fantastic? You and me together. Oh, I hope there's a cracker factory next door. I love cheese with crackers. Let's play a game. You name all the cheeses you can and I'll do the same.
Courtney: Ah! [angrily lets go of Lindsay]
Lindsay: Gorgonzola, swiss, cheddar. Seriously strong cheddar. Can you guess what it tastes like? Seriously strong. [Courtney angrily leaves the Lim-o-sine] This is fun. Cream cheese, cheese sticks. Cheese in a can.

Super Hero-ld [2.17][edit]

Chris: Where are your tights?
Duncan: I don't do spandex, I'm The All-Seeing Eye, and I've got psychic powers. I can see into the future.
Harold: Yeah, right.
Duncan: Harold is about to experience a painful life lesson. [punches Harold in the arm]
Harold: Ow!
Chris: Even I saw that one coming. Two points.

[Harold was goaded into voting off Leshawna by Duncan and Courtney.]
Leshawna: You guys voted for me?
Harold: [cries] I'm sorry. I didn't know if I could trust you, but I made a big mistake. A big mistake.
Leshawna: Awwww, honey-pie, don't you worry. I made a mistake once too. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Harold: Do you forgive me?
Leshawna: Come here, sugar baby. Leshawna's gotta a whole lot of love. [gives Harold a hug]

Leshawna: [in the Lame-o-sine after her elimination] I gotta say, I didn't really see that coming. I should've, but I didn't. Hmph, go figure. Who knew that free matty patty would cost me a million big ones? Poor Harold, I'm sure he was bullied into it. Just one more reason I can't stand Duncan! [growls and grabs a cushion from the car seat; camera skips, revealing Leshawna has torn up the Lame-o-sine interior due to her rage] Don't worry, I'm good. I'm good. You just wait, Duncan. I'm coming for you. One little scratch on my boy Harold and Leshawna will be getting all up in your business. Oh man, I broke a nail!

Aftermath III [2.18][edit]

Bridgette: You don't have to do this, Owen.
Geoff: So, Owen...
Owen: AAAH! [talks about his childhood flashback] In the 3rd grade, I cheated on my math exam. In 4th grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and glued it to a goat's butt at the petting zoo. In 5th grade, I knocked my little brother down a flight of stairs and blamed it on my other little brother. When my mom sent me to summer camp for fat kids and they served us lunch, I pigged out, and the rest of the camp had nothing to eat for an entire week. But the worst thing I've ever done... I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and went to school and hid the puke in my jacket. And then I made a noise like this [makes retching noise] and I dumped it all over-
Bridgette: Owen! I don't think that's what Trent meant. [shows people in VIP section smiling; almost as if they're about to laugh]
Owen: What other kind of truth is there?

Heather: They can shock me all they want. My parents tried electroshock therapy on me when I was a kid to try and make me nicer. Worked like a charm.
Geoff: ... So, Heather, before you were voted out, Courtney was brought back. Do you think she's a worthy competitor?
Heather: No. [gets electric shock]
Geoff: Awesome! Do you think Lindsay's as dumb as she looks?
Heather: Yes. [gets electric shock]
Geoff: This is too easy Do you think Beth could be a threat?
Heather: Beth? Absolutely not! [gets electric shock]

The Princess Pride [2.19][edit]

Justin: No, I am a noble gentleman, a brave knight, a handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.
Harold: Although a guy who's working with you is apparently fair game!
Justin: I said I was sorry, Harold. I refuse to raise a sword to Courtney. I give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now... [puckers his lips, expecting a kiss from Courtney]
Courtney: Sorry, Justin. I just can't let immunity go. You understand. [pushes Justin off the tower with sword]
Justin: I forgive you, princess! [falls and hits the castle backdrops and then, lands painfully on the ground] I'm okay.
Chris: Courtney wins immunity, again!

[Justin got eliminated because Courtney pretended to like him to get him to throw the final part of the challenge to earn invincibility for herself as well as tensions between him, Duncan and Harold]
Chris: So, with immunity, Courtney is the first to win a Gilded Chris.
Courtney: [Catches the Gilded Chris, then feels the pain] Ow.
[It's revealed that Beth was pinning the Princess Courtney doll.]
Beth: I think she felt that! Cool!
Lindsay: Get her elbow!
Chris: Before we continue the awards though, I have some news. Courtney's lawyers called and demand an 80% of all the profits of the Princess Courtney merchandise. So not gonna happen! So, we're renaming them after the only other two brunettes left in the competition. Beth! [Beth squeals excitedly and hurries onstage] You get your very own Princess Beth doll. And the contract stating you get 0% of the Princess Beth profits. Along with a Gilded Chris award. You live another week!
Beth: [Squeals] Fairytales do come true! [Notices something] Oh my gosh! [runs off] Take the pins out!
Chris: Also still in the competish. Lindsay! Eh. Harold! [Justin and Duncan are the bottom two] Who will lived happily ever after? And who will die penniless? And the last Gilded Chris goes to... Justin! Duncan, you're out.
Courtney: WHAT?! This is an outrage! Justin should be going home!
Chris: Yeah, you're right. I was just kidding. Justin's actually the one who's been eliminated! [gave Duncan the last Gilded Chris]
Duncan: [to Courtney, smirking] An "outrage," huh?

Justin: [in the Lam-o-sine after his elimination] What I've learned, well maybe the good looks won't take you everywhere you want to go. I mean what if I ended up with, a wounded face, bruised ego, and a show that I can't even wear. Oh Courtney, maybe if I stopped modeling and threw all my energy intro getting smarter, you can fall in love with me but modeling pays and Heyzeus my booker says that even with my severe facial wounds he could give me a bunch of leg modeling and some celebrity kid's birthday party.

Get a Clue [2.20][edit]

Harold: I failed him!
Beth: Oh, the humanity!
[Harold and Beth screaming]
Lindsay: Dead guy on the train! Ew!
[Harold and Beth screaming]
Duncan: Would you pull it together, losers? We've got to figure this out!
Lindsay: This reminds me of the time we were on the bus on the way to cheering camp. The head cheerleader, Carmalita Santos passed right out! I always hated Carmalita because Carmalita thought she was so great. But we had to do something! She was drooling! So me and Bitsy Stephanopolis ran to the front of the bus. Bitsy's real name is Elizabeth, but everybody calls her Bitsy.

Lindsay: So Mrs. Witlock came running back from the rest stop with some full sugar fruit punch! Not the aspartame saccharin stuff. That doesn't work for these types of situations. And she gave it to Carmalita and we have to get some fruit punch for Carma...uh, Chris!
Courtney: Yeah. Okay, anybody else have any great ideas?
Harold: Knowing a bit about trains myself, I can say that an engineer is probably steering this thing, and could be counted upon for aid. Duh. Beth, try the phone to the engine.
Beth: Hello? Hello?! Nobody's answering!
Lindsay: We're trapped! We're all gonna die!
Courtney: Is everybody here really that gullible? Yeah, Chris just happens to croak right here in front of us, and we can't reach anybody? [grunts] He's probably not even dead! [grunts] I only watched when you guys had to jump out of a plane. You guys were in that episode. Doesn't anyone remember that there was no plane? [grunts]
Beth: She's right.
Courtney: I guarantee the crew is just shaking the train car. And the window view is a holographic projection. This is obviously all make-believe. [grunts]

Rock 'N Rule [2.21][edit]

[Owen returns to the game after his elimination]
Lindsay: Why is Owen eating my popcorn?
Owen: [reappears and laughs] Hey everybody!
Everyone: Owen?
Chris: Owen! You were supposed to wait for your cue, what is wrong with you?
Owen: I was hungry! And when I'm hungry I forget everything except what my tummy is telling me. [in confessional] Me and my tummy are very close, we'd be even closer if it weren't for my chest.
Chris: Owen! Get lost! Until I get you your cue! [Owen runs off] I have an announcement to make because I'm the host and can do whatever I want I've decided to bring someone back to the show. Anyone guess who that might be?
Lindsay: Is it? What the name of the boy I liked again? Tyler?
Courtney: [sighs angrily] I can't take it anymore!
Owen: [shows up again] Hi everyone! I just can't help myself!
Lindsay: Yay Owen! [Owen hugs her]
Beth: Hi Owen! [Owen hugs her]
Duncan: Hey man!
Harold: Good to have you back! [Owen hugs him and Duncan]
Chris: Fine Owen! Fine!
Courtney: Hello?! Not fine! No way Owen is allowed back. I had to file a lawsuit to get back on this show. I'm contacting my lawyers.
Chris: You're not the only one with lawyers; Owen also filed a lawsuit...and won. His jaw was busted by Chef, and he was unfairly kicked off the show. Is that good enough for ya?
Owen: [confessional] I didn't really file a lawsuit. I'm back because my mom spent 50,000 bucks we don't have, kind of put the family in a big hole. So Chris offered me 50 big ones to come back and stir up the doodoo. Oh! I don't want to cause any trouble because Lindsay and Beth and Duncan and Harold are my friends! Oh, and Courtney's okay, I guess.
Chris: All right people. Time for the big gig. Meet me at the big stadium in 10 minutes! You can't miss it!

[Lindsay accidentally voted for herself, and was eliminated in a 3-2-1 vote.]
Chris: Six left! One must go! And it won't be Courtney.
[The gang casted their votes.]
Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to Beth, Courtney, Harold and Owen. Only one left and the last Gilded Chris goes to... Duncan! Lindsay's going Bye-Bye!
Beth: But, Lindsay? Harold and I voted for Duncan.
Chris: Thought so. In fact, what happened is a first for the show. A contestant accidentally voted themselves off.
Lindsay: What?!
Chris: Take a look, unlike me, the camera never lies. [shows a video clip of Lindsay voting herself off as everyone gasps and Duncan laughs] Lindsay, it's time to say sayonara. [short pause, with Lindsay staring at him blankly] That means goodbye.
[Lindsay sadly gets up and walks to the limo]
Beth: [runs up] It's my fault. I distracted you. And now you've lost your chance at the million!
Lindsay: [brightening up] Don't worry. Friends are worth way more than money.
Beth: Lindsay, that's the sweetest thing anyone said all season.
Lindsay: Really?
Beth: Totally.

Lindsay: [in Lame-o-sine after voting herself off] Getting kicked off the show may be the best thing that ever happened to me! Now I can devote my time to something real meaningful. Like, helping the poor look better! I see them on the street and think, uh, with some blush, some eyeshadow, okay, and a lot of foundation, I could work miracles! And I'd have a line of skin care products named....Lindsay! And I'd make sure that none of them are tested on animals. Well, at least not the cute ones!

Crouching Courtney, Hidden Owen [2.22][edit]

Owen: Whoa! Harold did you hear that?
Harold: Did Leshawna Jr say something?
Owen: I think LJ has a message for us.
Harold: What is it girl? Speak.
Owen: [opens Leshawna Jr's box] Sounds like something about beating Duncan to a gooey pulp.
Harold: Can't be LJ would never [gasps about what Leshawna Jr said] did she just say kick his butt?
Owen: She totally did.
Harold: [sighs] Leshawna, Leshawna. As Confucius once said "Forgive thy enemy, be reconcile to him" You inspire me to be better LJ. Let me do the same for you.

Owen: So Harold, what do you miss most about Leshawna. Not the one in the box, the one you voted off.
Harold: Well, there's her melting laugh.
[Duncan laughing]
Owen: Go on.
Harold: And her delicate beauty.
Duncan: [laughs] Sorry, sorry. It's just that girl's as delicate as a freight train and... [Harold takes his glass and throws the water in his face as he is rubbing his eyes] What the... [Harold punches him hard in the face, knocking him out, then running ahead]
Owen: Sorry Duncan. [Sasquatchanakwa comes out of cave and roars at Owen and Harold]
Harold: Silence Geisha. [takes his glass and spills it]
Sasquatchanakwa: [referring to Harold purposely spilling his water; in confessional; gruffly] Not cool!

2008: A Space Owen [2.23][edit]

Chef: That was smart sealing the bridge with those two pillows.
Chris: Uh, Chef... those aren't pillows!

[Courtney and Beth get in a fight in the their trailer after Beth won immunity]
Harold: I, too, love a catfight, but only between actual cats wearing tiny boxing gloves.
Courtney: I can't believe you went against me like that!
Beth: You deserved it for being so mean and bossy towards me!
Courtney: Oh, if that's how you feel, the girl alliance is over!
Beth: Fine!
Courtney: Fine!

[Harold got eliminated because Owen voted for him to keep himself covered, since he had been caught by Harold. Duncan also voted for him after he squished Scruffy.]
Chris: And five will soon become four as we bid farewell to another cast member. Everyone! Cast your votes!
Duncan: This'll teach you to mess with my Scruffy. [votes for Harold]
Harold: Bye-bye, traitor. [votes for Owen]
Owen: Harold's on to me, I know it! [also votes for Harold]
Beth: The girl alliance is over! [votes for Courtney]
Courtney: [to the viewers] Back off! There's a reason why this is called secret voting, people.
Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to… Beth, Owen, Duncan, and… Courtney! [throws the final Gilded Chris to Courtney] Sorry, Harold, you limousine awaits.
Duncan: Get on with it, Doris! [Harold runs to Duncan, and pulls his pants down, Chef grabs Harold] I kinda had that coming!
Harold: Fifth place?! But Owen's the traitor! You've gotta watch that guy like a hawk! [Chef tosses Harold into the Lame-o-sine] No wait! A falcon! Their eyesight is way superior.
Beth: Goodbye, Harold. I'll wait for you.
Harold: Haven't I suffered enough?
Chris: We'll see about that.

Harold: [in the Lame-o-sine after his elimination] I suppose 5th place is better than 6th place. But it would have been sweet to place in the top four over that traitor Owen! I almost got 3rd place in the school archery competition. Till I put an arrow through the principles Achilles tendon! I still have another two years of detention to look forward to when I get back. I get to hang with all the bad kids! They let me do their homework for them and stuff! You could say that I'm their leader! Man, just wait till they hear I have a sort-of girlfriend! Do I have to tell them it's Beth?

Top Dog [2.24][edit]

Owen: Where were you all night? An alien abduction? It was, wasn't it?! You were subjected to an endless night of alien probing! Oh, the humanity!
Duncan: Chill, Owen, I spent the night in Courtney's trailer.
Owen: Really? What did you two do all night? Come on, come on!
Duncan: Down boy! We talked. About relationship stuff, mostly. [Takes out contract]
Owen: Dude, Courtney gave you...homework?
Duncan: [in confessional, holding the stack of papers] Courtney wrote me a thirty-two-page letter outlining all my faults and how to correct them if we're ever going to have a serious relationship. All of which she expects me to memorize! I think I would have preferred a night of alien probing.

[Courtney got eliminated because Duncan betrayed her and Beth thinks she was a bigger threat than Owen. Chris also fired Owen because Courtney's lawyers told her and Beth about his purpose of returning, causing Chris to fire him from the show.]
Chris: This is a big one, cast. Beth is safe from elimination, which means the rest of you are fair game. So sharpen those claws and cast your votes. Someone is going home for the last time!
Beth: Owen betrayed us... but Courtney's the bigger threat! [votes for Courtney]
Owen: I like Duncan, but Beth and Courtney eat less. More for me! [votes for Duncan]
Courtney: See you never, traitor! [votes for Owen]
Duncan: [snores, then wakes up, unnoticeably votes for Courtney] Huh?
Chris: The Gilded Chris goes to... Beth, and... Duncan! Courtney, since Beth and Duncan both voted for you, it's time for your ride home! Owen, I'll deal with you in a moment.
Courtney: WHAT?! Duncan voted for ME?! UGH! [Tosses away her voting device]
Duncan: [in confessional] Court's popularity's in the toilet; I can't have her dragging me down. But the real reason? The thirty-two-page letter. And people call me psycho!?
[The other contestants uncovered Owen's identity as Chris' mole, so Chris fired Owen from the show]
Courtney: [As she was forced in the Lame-O-Sine] How could you do this to me. After everything! We are so done!
[Chef closed the door. Duncan and Beth looked at each other and Chris led Owen to the Lame-o-Sine]
Owen: Uh, Chris? I think you forgot to give me my Gilded Chris Award...
Chris: Sorry, Owen. You've been fired.
Owen: But... whyyyy?
Chris: [pushes Owen into the Lame-O-Sine, while Courtney is shouting indistinctive in the limo] What's the point of having a spy who's already been spied?

Courtney: [in the Lam-o-sine after her elimination] Better be Duncan who wins. He signed an iron-clad contract, and I'm taking my 50% of the million bucks! I don't care if it gets locked up in the courts for years. My lawyers will take my calls, when they realize how much money I'm going to make them. "On vacation for three weeks?!" I'm not paying them to take personal time! [throws the PDA out the window] Fine, I'll represent myself. Who needs lawyers, anyway? All I need is this little paper that holds my entire future. [the contract gets blown out the window] Nooooooooooooooo!

Mutiny on the Soundstage [2.25][edit]

[Beth and Duncan are becoming the finalists of the season]
Beth: I never thought I'd be the last girl left on Total Drama Action! Yep, now it's just me...all alone...in the scary trailer...I miss all my girls, even Heather! [teeth chatter]
Duncan: [hears Beth's teeth] Ugh! It's Beth chattering again! With a face like that, I'd be scared too, right guys? [no answer] Right... nobody left to laugh at my excellent zingers. The good news is there's also no one left to reek up the trailer with jungle breath, nobody to wake me up with screaming night terrors - "Mommy! Mommy!" - and nobody with any chance of taking my guaranteed million away. [hears Beth] Put a blindfold on, loser! Man, I'm never gonna get to sleep. [a bomb is placed in Duncan's trailer causing him to pass out] What the?
Beth: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING DUNCAN? [a bomb is placed in Beth's trailer causing her to pass out]

Duncan: My mom made me join the muskrat scouts to learn how to tie knots.

Gwen: My brother owns a Gibson guitar.

Beth: Justin cried at her aunt Lady Cici Mimi Didi Leduda's wedding.

Bridgette and Geoff: And the winner is...
[everyone looks on in admiration, until both Duncan and Beth come in at the same time]
Bridgette: It's a... tie?
Geoff: So, um, what exactly are we gonna do about the million dollars?
[The others are shocked or upset about the results]

Aftermath IV [2.26][edit]

DJ: [voting for Beth] I really, really, really hate to choose, but I had to vote for Beth. She wins for being so gentle, and there's not enough gentle millionaires out there.

Owen: [voting for Duncan] I vote for Duncan for being such a healthy eater and because he still feels like one of the guys. [farts] I think I maybe had one fiber-rich scoop too many and my psyllium blendy this morning.

[Duncan's ending]
Chris: The Season Two Total Drama Winner is... Duncan!
Duncan: [laughing triumphantly] AHAHAHA, YEAH!!!
Courtney: [runs up and hugs him] We're rich!
Duncan: Whoa-ho-ho-ho, not so fast, sister. Who said I'd share anything with you?
Courtney: [kisses Duncan, who subsequently looks content] Every king needs a queen.
Duncan: "King," huh? That doesn't sound so terrible... [they continue kissing]

[Beth's ending]
Chris: The Season Two Total Drama winner is... Beth!
Beth: Yeeeeaaaaaah! [the other contestants cheer and Brady enters] Brady! [Beth and Brady hug]
Lindsay: Wow!
Heather: He's not only real, he's really handsome!
Justin: Now I wish I didn't vote for her.
Duncan: Wanna get outta here and grab a bite to eat?
Courtney: I don't usually hang with losers..
Duncan: Neither do i but i asked you didn't I?
Duncan: So uh where do u wanna buy me dinner?
Courtney: I would like to give you a homemade Knuckle-Sandwitch!
Courtney: But first let me look up a strategy and call my lawyers! an election-fraud?

Celebrity Manhunt's TDA Reunion Show [Special][edit]

Geoff: Why didn't you dummies open the door?!
[reveals test dummies]
Trent: Uh, dude. Those are dummies.
Geoff: Oh, yeah. [suddenly realizes something] Wait a minute. Isolated location? Dummies? Nuclear-testing signs? Flesh-eating mutants?!
Mutant: Hi.
Geoff: [gasps] Dudes, we gotta get out of here!
[Geoff and everyone else runs away as a bomb drops out of the sky and the building blows up.]

[when Geoff, Justin, Beth, Trent, Katie, Sadie, and Eva arrived at the Celebrity Manhunt studio]
Geoff: We gotta rescue the gang! Then, we gotta party!
Blaineley: Too late, Big Guy!
[The contestants and Chris appear on TV, celebrating the new season]
Trent: Hey! What's Chris doing with everybody on TV?
Geoff: And bags of money?
Josh: Looks like you missed the boat, Chris just cast your buds on the next season of Total Drama!
Blaineley: And one of them will walk away with one million dollars!
Geoff: No! No! Nooo!!!
Eva: [starts getting furious] What?! No way! I'M GONNA LOSE IT! [starts hurling objects]
Blaineley: We better sign off!
Josh: I agree! Thanks for watching Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Reunion Special! [gets hit by a camera]

Sierra: [during her first confessional] O-M-G. This is my first confessional EVER! I am so excited! I never thought I would be on Total Drama, my favorite show in the world! Talking to all of my favorite TV stars is SO fab! Now I will finally put to rest all those Cody blog questions, like "How many freckles does he have on his back?," "What kind of deodorant does he use?," "How many times does Cody sleep facing west?," and "What song does he sing in the shower?" Ooo. [giggles] Oh! [giggles] Oh, my! [giggles] That last one will definitely be a six month analysis. Oh, yeah! [laughs and shrieks]

Harold: I read my sister's psychology books, insinuating that she is older than me.

Gwen: Heather's younger cousin sent her a video of her cat Bruiser licking her face as she sleeps.

Alejandro: [during his first confessional] Watch out Total Drama nerds! The new guy is going all the way to the top!

Chris: [about the new season] 16 teens, a trip around the world, What more could you possibly want?
Chef: How about music?
Chris: Yeah, everybody's doing the musical thing, now. Sure, and music! See ya next time, on "Total Drama..." [cut to on top of the control tower]
Chris and Chef: [singing] Musical! [cut to baggage car, where they stand on top of] Musical! [cut to the front of the plane] MUUU-SIIIII-CAAAAAL!! [the front of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet falls and breaks]
Chris: Uh, maybe not! [the third season's TRUE name is shown: Total Drama World Tour]

External links[edit]

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