Total Drama Island

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Seasons: 1: Island 2: Action 3: World Tour 4: Revenge of the Island 5: All-Stars and Pahkitew Island | Main

Total Drama Island is the first season of Total Drama.


Not So Happy Campers [1.01-1.02][edit]

Chris: [first lines] Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now! [moves to Dock of Shame] Here's the deal, twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, ha ha, and leave Total Drama Island, for good! [moves to campfire pit] Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all, but one camper will receive... a marshmallow. [takes a bite of one marshmallow] In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it: they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies... [flies buzzing] Grizzly bears, [grizzly bear roars] Disgusting camp food!
Grub on Plate: Hey now.
Chris: And, each other! Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of camera situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here right now on... TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND!

Chris: [after the show's theme song] Welcome back to Total Drama Island. All right, It's time to meet our first 11 campers. We told them they'd all be staying at a five star resort, so if they seem a little T.O.ed, that's probably why. [Beth arrives] Beth, what's up?
Beth: Its so incredulous to meet you. Wow, you're much shorter in real life.
Chris: Uh, thanks. [DJ arrives] DJ.
DJ: Yo, Chris Mclean. How's it going? Hey, you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub at?
Chris: Yo, dawg, this is it. Camp Wawanakwa.
DJ: Humph. Looked a lot different on the application form.
Chris: [Gwen arrives] Hey, Gwen.
Gwen: You mean we're staying here?
Chris: No, you're staying here. My crib is an airstream with A.C. That-a-way.
Gwen: I did not sign up for this.
Chris: Actually, you did. (Gwen tears some papers) The great thing about lawyers is... they make lots of copies.
Gwen: I am not staying here.
Chris: Cool. I hope you can swim though, because your ride just left.
[Horn honking]
Gwen: Jerk! [Geoff arrives]
Geoff: Chris Mclean! 'Sup man! It's an honor to meet you, man!
Chris: The Geoff-Ster. Welcome to the island, man.
Geoff: Thanks, man.
Gwen: They say man one more time, I'm gonna puke.
Chris: Everybody, this is Lindsay. [she arrives] Not too shabby.
Lindsay: Hi. Okay, you look so familiar.
Chris: I'm Chris McLean. ...The host, of the show.
Lindsay: Oh, that's where I know you from.
Chris: Uh, yeah. [Heather arrives] Heather.
Beth: Hi! Looks like we're your new friends, for the rest of the next 8 weeks! [Duncan arrives]
Chris: Duncan! Dude.
Duncan: I don't like, surprises.
Chris: Yeah, your parole officer warned be about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you returned to juvie.
Duncan: [sniffs] Okay, then. Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous.
Heather: Drop dead, you skeez. [walks to the other side of the dock] I'm calling my parents. You cannot make me stay here!
Chris: [Tyler arrives] Ladies and gentleman! Tyler!
(Tyler hits luggage)
Heather: Uhgg, my shoes!
Chris: Wicked wide out, man! [snickers]
[Tyler gives a thumbs up]
[Harold arrives and breathes loudly]
Chris: Welcome to camp, Harold.
Beth: What's he looking at?
Harold: So, you mean this show is at a yucky summer camp and not on some big stage or something?
Chris: You got it.
Harold: Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills.
Chris: [shudders' Trent arrives] Contestant number nine is Trent.
Trent: Hey, good to meet you man. Saw you on that figure skating show. Nice work, man.
Chris: Hey, thanks man. I knew I rocked that show.
Beth: I saw that! One of the guys dropped his partner on her head. So they got an immunity that week.
Harold: Lucky. I hope I get dropped on my head.
Lindsay: Me too!
Trent: So, this is it... All righty, then. [Bridgette arrives]
Bridgette: Hey, what's up.
Chris: All right, our surfer chick, Bridgette, is here.
Duncan: [snorts] Nice board. This ain't Malibu, honey.
Bridgette: I thought we were going to be on a beach.
Chris: We are!
(Cut to a poor bird caught in trash)
Bridgette: [sighs] Great.
Chris: All right! That makes- [Bridgette accidentally hits him with her surfboard while crouching to get her luggage] Owwww, darn it! That hurt!
Bridgette: Hey guys.
Geoff: Hey, I'm Geoff.
[Bridgette almost knocks the campers with her board]
Bridgette: What's up.
Harold: Dang! Watch the board, man.
Beth: Hi! I'm Beth!
Bridgette: Hey.
Heather: Okay, we've all met surfer girl, can we get on with the show, please?
Duncan: Looks like someone missed their double cappuccino macchiato this morning.
Heather: Get bent. [Noah arrives]
Chris: Our [huffs] next camper is Noah.
Noah: You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?
Chris: I'm sure someone did.
Noah: Good. Is this where we're staying?
Duncan: No, it's your mother's house and we're throwing a party.
Noah: Cute. Nice piercings, original. Do them yourself?
Duncan: [Grabs Noah's lip] Yeah, you want one?
Noah: Uh, no thanks. Can I have my lip back please? [Duncan lets go] Thanks. [Leshawn arrives]
Leshawna: What's up, ya'll? Leshawna's in the house.
[Harold gasped]
Leshawna: Yo baby, hey how you doing? How's it going? Feel free to quit now, save yourself the trouble cause I came to win. Oh, what's up my brother, give me some sugar, baby!
Harold: I've never seen a girl like you in real life before.
Leshawna: Excuse me?
Harold: You're real big.. And loud.
Leshawna: What did you say to me? Oh, no you didn't! You have not see anything yet! I'll show you big, baby! [grunts] Oh yeah, you want some of this? Well, come on then!
Chris: All right, campers! Settle down. [ship shows up and Katie and Sadie arrive] Ladies, Sadie, Katie. Welcome to your new home for eight weeks.
Katie: Oh my gosh, Sadie look! It's a summer camp.
Sadie: Okay! I always wanted to go to summer camp. Eee! [Ezekiel arrives]
Chris: Ezekiel! What's up, man?
Ezekiel: [actually looks up] I think I see a bird.
[Trent laughs]
Chris: Okay, look dude. I know you don't get out much, been home schooled your whole life, raised by freaking prairie people, just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early. Okay.
Ezekiel: Yes sir.
Gwen: That's just... Wow. [Cody arrives]
Chris: Cody! The Codster! the Code Meister!
Cody: Dude psyched to be here, man. I see the ladies have already arrived. All right.
LeShawna: Save it, short stuff. [Eva arrives]
Chris: Eva. Nice. Glad you can make it.
Cody: (with his feet crunched) Ow! What's in there? Dumbbells?
Eva: Yes.
Duncan: She's all yours, man. [Owen arrives]
Owen: Wooohoooo! Chris! What's happening? [laughs] This is awesome! Wooohooo!
Chris: Owen! Welcome!
Owen: (crunches Chris in a hug) Awesome to be here, man! Yeah! Man, this is just so...
Gwen: Awesome?
Owen: Yes! Awesome! Wooooo! Are you going to be on my team?
Gwen: Oh, I sure hope so.
Owen: Woooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Chris: You about finished?
Owen: Sorry dude, I'm just so psyched!
Chris: Cool, and here comes Courtney. [she arrives]
Courtney: Thank you. Hi, you must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all.
Owen: How's it going? I'm Owen.
Courtney: Nice to meet you Ohhhhh [she noticed Justin arriving] wow.
[Sadie faints]
Chris: This is Justin! Welcome to Total Drama Island
Justin: Thanks, Chris. This is great.
Chris: Just so you know, we picked you based entirely on your looks.
Justin: I can deal with that.
Owen: I like your pants.
Justin: Thanks man.
Owen: Cause they look like they're all worn out. [laughs] Did you buy them like that?
Justin: Uh, no. Just had them for a while.
Owen: Oh, cool. ]whacks his own face] Stupid! [Izzy arrives]
Chris: Hey everyone! Izzy!
Izzy: Hi, Chris! Hiiiii! Whoa! [trips]
Tyler: OOOOH. That was bad. [laughs]
Courtney: Guys! She can be seriously hurt.
Izzy: That felt sooo… Good! Except for hitting my chin. This is summer camp? That is so cool. Do you have papier-mâché here? Are we eating lunch soon?
Owen: That is a good call!
Chris: First things first. We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone on the end of the dock! [they walk there] Okay! 1, 2, 3. [Snap] Oops! Okay, forgot the lens cap. [click] Okay, hold that pose. 1, 2. Oh wait, cards full. Hang on.
Leshawna: [rolls eyes] Come on, man. My face is starting to freeze.
Chris: Got it, okay. Everyone say Wawanakwa!
Campers: WAWANAKWA! [the dock snaps] AHHH!
Chris: Okay guys. Dry off and meet at the campfire pit in 10.

Chris: This is Camp Wawanakwa, you home for the next 8 weeks. The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. you dig? The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000.
Duncan: Excuse me? What will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her.
Heather: They're not co-ed, are they?
Chris: Noooo. Girls get one side of each cabin and dudes get the other.
Lindsay: Excuse me, Kyle. Can I have a cabin with the lake view since I'm the prettiest?
Chris: Okay, you are. But that's not really how it works here and it's Chris.
Katie: I have to live with Sadie or, I'll die.
Sadie: And I'll break out in hives. It's true.
Gwen: This cannot be happening.
Owen: Awww, come on guys! It'll be fun, it's like a big sleepover!
Tyler: At least you don't have to sleep next to him.
Chris: Here's the deal. We're gonna split you into two teams if I call your name out go stand over there. Gwen, Trent, Heather, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, Kadie, Owen, Leshawna, Justin, and Noah. From this moment on, you are officially known as, the Screaming Gophers!
Owen: Yeah! I'm a gopher! Woooo!
Katie: Wait! What about Sadie?
Chris: The rest of you over here. Geoff, Bridgette, D.J, Tyler, Sadie, Izzy, Courtney, Ezekiel, Duncan, Eva, and Harold. Move, move, move!
Sadie: But Katie's a gopher! I have to be a gopher!
Courtney: Sadie, is it? Come on, it'll be okay.
Sadie: This is so unfair! I miss you Kadie!
Katie: I miss you too!
Chris: You guys will officially be known as the Killer Bass!
Harold: Awesome! It's like.... Amazing.
Chris: All right, campers, you and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition.

Chris: All right. Any questions? Cool. Let's find your cabins. Gophers, you're in the east cabin. Bass, you're in the west.
Heather: Bunk Beds? Isn't that a little summer camp?
Gwen: That's the idea, genius.
Heather: [In Canadian dub] Shut up, weird goth girl. [In American dub] Shut it, weird goth girl.
Cody: You're so smart, I feel that.
Gwen: Should you be on the boy's side?
[Gwen throws Cody out of the cabin]
Lindsay: Where are the outlets? I have to plug in my straightening iron.
Chris: There are some in the communal bathrooms. Just across the way.
Lindsay: [In Canadian dub] Communal bathrooms? But...I'm not Catholic... [In American dub] Where's the spa? I'm confused.
Chris: [In Canadian dub] Not Communion, Communal. [In American dub] Wow, that's a... shocker.
Gwen: It means we shower together, idiot.
Lindsay: [whining] Aww, d-- no! C'mon!
Owen: I'm glad we're in our own cabin with just guys. Know what I mean? [laughs; crickets chirp] I mean no! I didn't mean it like that! I love chicks. [laughs] I just don't wanna sleep near them. [incoherent noises] I mean..
Geoff: Excuse me, Chris? Is there, uh, a chaperone of any kind in this facility?
Chris: You're all 16 years old, as old as a counselor in training at a regular summer camp. So other than myself. You'll be unsupervised. You've got half an hour to unpack and meet me back at the main lodge, starting now.
Geoff: Nice!

Chris: Welcome to the Main Lodge!
Geoff: Yo, my man. Can we order a pizza? (chef throws a cleaver) Whoa! It's' cool G! Brown slop is cool! [laughs nervously] Right guys?
[Campers nod in agreement]
Chris: Your first challenge begins, in one hour!
Katie: What do you think they'll make us do?
DJ: It's our first challenge, how hard can it be?
[When they're on a cliff]
DJ: Oh...(beep)
Chris: Okay. Today's challenge is three-fold. Your first task is to jump off this 1,000-foot-high cliff into the lake.

Heather: [Refuses to jump] I'm sorry, there's no way I'm doing this.
Beth: Why not?
Heather: Uh, hello, national TV., I'll get my hair wet.
Gwen: You're kidding, right?
Lindsay: If she's not doing it, I'm not doing it.
Leshawna: Oh, you're doing it!
Heather: Says who?!
Leshawna: Says me! I'm not losing this challenge cause you got your hair did, you spoiled little daddy's girl!
Heather: Back off, ghetto-glamor, too-tight-pants-wearing, rap-star wannabe!
Leshawna: Mall-shopping, ponytail-wearing, teen girl-reading, peeking in high school prom queen!
Heather: Well, at least I'm popular.
[Gwen looks shocked, Noah looks amused, Cody looks scared, Justin pulls out his mirror and admires himself]
Leshawna: You're jumping!
Heather: Make me! [Leshawna grabs Heather and throws her down] AAAAAAAAAH! [lands in the safe zone] Leshawna, you are so dead!
Leshawna: Hey! I threw you into the safe zone, didn't I? [to herself] Now I just hope I can hit it, too. [jumps] AAAAAAAAAH! [lands in the safe zone, right next to Heather]

[In the main lodge, the teams are having dinner.]
Katie: So, uh, what do we do now?
Courtney: We have to figure out who we should vote off.
Duncan: Well, I think it should be princess or the brick house here.
Courtney: What? Why?
Duncan: Because, unless I'm mistaken, you two are the only ones here wearing chicken hats, and if we ever have to lift a truck, I like my odds with the big guy.
Courtney: You guys need me! I'm the only one...
Bridgette: We know! Who used to be a real C.I.T. So who would you pick?
Courtney: What about him?
Lindsay: No! I mean, no... salt. There's no salt on the table. Bummer.
Duncan: Hey, at least he jumped off the cliff, chicken wing!
Courtney: Shut up!
Geoff: Okay, let's just chill out. This is getting way too heavy.
Duncan: Ah, I've had enough prison food for one day. I'm gonna go have a nap. [leaves]
Courtney: You can't do that! We haven't decided who's going yet!
Ezekiel: Well, I don't get why we lost, eh. They're the ones that have six girls.
Katie and Sadie: [gasping]
Bridgette: What's that supposed to mean?
Eva: Yeah, home school. Enlighten us!
Ezekiel: Well, guys are much stronger and better at sports than girls are.
Geoff: Oh, snap! You did not just say that!
Ezekiel: My dad told me to look out for the girls here, eh, and help 'em unless they can't keep up.
Eva: [grabs Ezekiel by the throat] Still think we need your help keeping up?
Ezekiel: Not really.
Geoff: Okay, guys, let's give him a break. I mean, at least he doesn't think that guys are smarter than girls.
Ezekiel: But... they are.

Chris McLean: Killer bass, at camp, marshmallows represent a tasty treat that you enjoy roasting by the fire. At this camp, marshmallows represent life.
(Geoff pretends to hang himself for Bridgette, who laughs.)
Chris McLean: You've all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the dock of shame to catch the boat of losers. That means you're out of the contest and you can't come back... Ever.

[first elimination of the series; Ezekiel got eliminated instead of Courtney because his sexist comments against women angered the female members of his team.]
Chris: [after Ezekiel got eliminated] Can't say I'm shocked. I saw you picking your nose, dude. Not cool. Dock of shame is that way, bro. The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows. You're all safe for tonight.

Courtney: Are you recording this? Good. They can enjoy their little part all they want, but I am gonna win this competition and no one is gonna stop me.

The Big Sleep [1.03][edit]

Leshawna: It’s 7:00 in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?!

Eva: Oh, so you’re funny now? You know what I think would be funny?
Courtney: Eva! Try to control your temper.
Eva: [to Chris] You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?!
Chris: A little. You have thirty seconds.
Courtney: [confessional] Okay, that girl Eva has got to get a handle on her temper. She’s only been here one day and she’s already thrown her suitcase out a window and broken the lock on one of the bathroom doors.

Gwen: Don't walk beside me.
Heather: Do you mind?

Owen: Can't....catch....breathe....must....have....condition.
Heather: Yeah, It's called "overeating". Look into it.
LeShawna: What's your excuse, you skinny, annoying...oh, I'm too tired for insults.
Chris: Pick it up, people! If you're not back by dinnertime, you don't eat!
Heather: Ugh, I hate him so much.

Eva: [growls] Where is my MP3 player!? One of you must have stolen it I need my music! No one is going anywhere until I get my MP3 player back.
Courtney: OK, whoever took it better give it up now before she destroys the whole camp.
Heather: Hey, guys. Wow, this place is a real mess.
Courtney: Someone stole Eva's MP3 player.
Heather: You don't mean this, do you? I was wondering who it belong to. I found it by the campfire pit, you must have dropped it.
Eva: Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!
Heather: Sure thing.

[Eva got eliminated instead of Harold because she had her temper after Heather stole her MP3 Player, and believed that somebody on her team had taken it.]
Eva: [sarcastically] Nice, really nice. Who needs this stupid TV show anyway?! [kicks Chris in the knee]
Chris: [clutching his leg] OW! Have a good night sleep tonight. You're all safe.

Courtney: To the Killer Bass. And to NOT end up here again next week.

Dodgebrawl [1.04][edit]

Heather: Bring it on, fishies. Otherwise, winning three in a row just won’t be as satisfying.
Tyler: Oh, you're going down! We're gonna bring the dinner to the table, and then we're gonna eat it!
[Courtney faceplams herself]

Harold: Time to unleash my wicked skills.
Leshawna: Yeah? Then bring it, string bean! Let’s see what you got!

[Cody throws the ball to hit DJ but, he ducks and the ball hits him on his bottom]
Chris: That is one tough ball to dodge!

Lindsay: Tyler...
Heather: This is so against the rules.
Lindsay: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!
Tyler: Hey, why don't you just chill out?
Heather: Why don't you dodge this?! [she throws a canoe to crash Tyler]
Tyler: Ow!

Chris: Gophers, what happened?
Noah: What can I say? Weak effort. [the other gophers glare angrily at him]
Gwen: Oh, shut it, Noah. [walks off]
Heather: You know, for once, I agree with her. [walks off as well]
[the female gophers including Cody get up from the bleachers and leave]
Noah: Touchy. [the boys glare at him] I'll tell you, the team spirit is severely lacking lately.

[Noah got eliminated instead of Lindsay because he refused to participate in the dodgeball game, and ticked off his teammates by being overly sarcastic.]
Noah: [after he got voted off by his fellow teammates] What, are you kidding me?! [Lindsay receives the final marshmallow] All right, see if I care. Good luck, because you just voted out the only one with brains on this team. [the members of the Screaming Gophers start pelting him with marshmallows]
Leshawna: You need to learn a little thing called respect, turkey!
[the other gophers cheer]
Noah: Whatever. I'm outta here. [leaves to the Dock of Shame]

Not Quite Famous [1.05][edit]

Lindsay: [obviously playing diversion] Gwen! It's you! Hi! What are you doing here, outside the cabin, Gwen?
Gwen: Trying to get into the cabin.
Lindsay: Oh, you're trying to get into the cabin! That's very interesting! Wait, stay here! We can get tans together, and you could totally use one!

Heather: Originally, I was going to dance for you, but instead I want to celebrate team spirit with a collaboration. [Pulls out Gwen's diary, which she stole]
Gwen: [whispering to self] She wouldn't! [winces in fear]
Heather: With words by Gwen, performance by me, enjoy. [clears throat] "Okay. So, I'm trying to ignore him, but he's just so cute. If they had custom-ordered a guy to be a distraction for me here, it would have been McHottie. [Lindsay gasps; Cody points to himself, smiles, and nods, believing the words are about him] We just totally connect. He's pretty much the only person I can relate to here and I know it's a cliche, but I love guys who play guitar." [Gwen watches in horror as her diary is being read to the whole world]
Cody: Wait... I don't play guitar. [Camera pans over to a guitar-holding Trent, who Cody makes eye contact with in a confused manner]
[Gwen nervously scooches to the right and runs off.]
Heather: [closes Gwen's diary] Thank you.
Courtney: That was so mean.
Bridgette: Seriously.

Heather: [confessional] People thought I was mean to Gwen. Whatever. All I needed was four votes against Justin. Lindsay and Beth were easy. Izzy's just crazy, and Owen...piece of cake!
Owen: [confessional, eating a piece of cake, laughing] Piece of cake!

[Justin and Heather are in the bottom two.]
Chris: Justin, you reminded us all that looks matter a lot, and Heather, you're full of surprises. But reading another chick's diary out loud to the whole world? Man, that is whack. No kidding, that's really messed up, dude.

[Heather convinced her alliance, Owen and Izzy to vote Justin off, as opposed to her]
Chris: [after Justin got eliminated] Time to catch the boat of losers, bruh.
Heather: Later bruh.

Gwen: [in confessional, regarding Heather] If that evil little cow thinks she's going to get away with this, she's got another thing coming. [scene switches to Gwen knocking on the Killer Bass' boys cabin door and Harold coming out] Did you say you brought a red ant farm with you?
Harold: Yes.
[later, Heather runs out of the cabin as she screaming and covered in red ants]
Gwen: [in bed] Sweet dreams, everyone! [chuckles as Heather is still heard screaming outside]

The Sucky Outdoors [1.06][edit]

Chris McLean: Campers, today’s challenge will test your outdoor survival skills. I’m not gonna lie to you. Some of you may not come back alive.
(Beth & Owen gasp)
Chris McLean: Just joking. [laughs] All you have to do is spend one night in the woods. Everything you need is at your team’s campsite in the forest. You just have to find it. Oh, and watch out for bears. Lost a couple of interns in pre-production. First team back for breakfast wins invincibility! [blows airhorn] Well, off you go!
LeShawna: Did he say there are bears up in here?
Owen: I had a little encounter with a bear once. Let’s just say his head looks real nice up on my mantle.
Izzy: Ooh! This one time, I saw a bear eating our garbage! He had old spaghetti noodles hanging from his big, huge teeth! It looked like blood and guts! (Lindsay groans) It was so gross. And we thought he was eating the neighbor’s cat Simba, but it turns out he was just lost for a week. Uh, you didn’t eat spaghetti, did you? Good, let’s go!
(Lindsay gulps)

Sadie: You don’t know where we are, do you?
Katie: Yes! Okay, no. It’s so not my fault. Have you ever notice that all trees look the same?
Sadie: Ooh, I knew I should have known better than to listen to you.
Katie: What, you don’t think I’m smart enough to find them?
Sadie: You’re not exactly the best with like, directions.
Katie: Yuh-huh, I am!
Sadie: Nuh-uh! Apparently, you’re not! ‘Cause we’re L-O-S-T. Lost! [Katie blows raspberry]

Katie: Well, at least I know how do to drive, you… you have-to-walk girl. Now who’s smarter?
Sadie: Trip to the beach last year ring a bell?
Katie: Oh, I can’t believe you’re bringing that up. I did have a totally fetch bikini on that day, though. Ha.
Sadie: You drove my mom’s car into a snack shack!
Katie: It was totally in my blind spot! Whatever. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be riding the bus to the mall!
Sadie: Well, if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be able to find your way to the mall!
Katie: Oh, I know my way to the mall!
Sadie: You lean on me! [purple squirrel mimics her] If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be on this show!
Katie: [gasps; blue squirrel mimics her] You’re just saying that because I’m prettier than you are!
[The two squirrels start laughing]
Sadie: [gasps] I knew you thought that!
Katie: It’s true. Everybody thinks so.

Owen: Okay. Fire’s hot. Fish are grilling. Tent is tenting.
Trent: Nice goin’, man. Fish looks awesome.
Owen: Thanks, man. I owe it all to grandpa.
Trent: So you and your grandpa really fought a bear once?
Owen: Heck yes. It was the scariest day of my entire life.
(Lindsay gasps)
Owen: We were out in the woods when we came upon the great beast. I tell you, he was ten feet high if he was a foot! And then he roared his terrible roar! [imitates roar] We grabbed our shotgun. We knew it was either him or us. It was nothing personal, just the law of the wild. And then, bam! One shot was all it took to fell the great beast. We took his blood and marked ourselves to honor him. It was a good death.
Heather: Yeah right. There's no way you took down a 10-foot bear. [notices that Izzy has mysteriously disappeared] Hey! Has anyone seen crazy girl?
Lindsay: I think she had to pee.
Trent: That was over an hour ago. Izzy! Izzy!
Owen: Izzy the Gopher, where are you?!
[bushes rustling]
Owen: [laughs] Good. We thought we lost you there for a minute– Great Pyramid of Giza!
(bear growls)
Owen: [screams] We’re all going to die! We’re gonna get eaten alive by a bear! Oh, the horror! Somebody help us! I want my mommy! [whoosh, thud]
(bear growls)
Heather: The trees! Climb into the trees!

(Bridgette sighs)
DJ: Be cool. It’s just an owl.
Bridgette: Sorry. I just get real freaked out in the forest.
Duncan: This reminds me of this really scary story I heard once.
Geoff: Awesome. Tell it, man.
Duncan: Are you sure? Because the story I’m thinking of is pretty hardcore.
Courtney: Ooh, we’re so scared.
Duncan: All right. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. One night, a lot like this one... So suddenly, they heard this tap-tap-tapping on the side of the car. The girl started to freak out, and by this time, even the guy was getting a bit scared. So he turned the car on and he stepped on it. When they got back to the girl’s house, she opened the door and screamed. Because there, hanging from the door handle... was the bloody hook. They say that this killer is still alive, wandering these very woods. He could be just about anywhere, really. Maybe even right [holds up his right hand wearing a hook] HERE! [The Killer Bass campers scream terrifyingly and he starts laughing evilly]
Courtney: Duncan, that was SO not funny!
Duncan: Oh, yes it was! I just wish it was all on camera! Uh, oh wait, it is!
Courtney: You are so vile. Do your parents even like you?
Duncan: I don’t know, Jumpy McChicken. I haven’t asked them lately.

(bear growls)
Trent: So what do we do now?
Heather: Don’t look at me.
Gwen: It was your idea to climb the trees.
Heather: Well, why don’t you ask the bear hunting expert? Hey Owen, what now?
Owen: How should I know?
LeShawna: Dude, you said you killed a bear!
Owen: I was being theatrical!
Heather: This is all your fault! If you hadn’t been growling like that, we never would’ve attracted him to our site!
Owen: Excuse me for living! (cries and knocking for 3 times)
Trent: Hey, hey, hey. Ease up on the guy. He did bring us all that fish.
(bear sniffs)
Heather: Hey! Lay off our fish!
Lindsay: (pants) It’s probably already eaten Izzy!
Heather: Then it shouldn’t be hungry anymore!
(Gwen gasps)
Heather: What? This is survival of the fittest. She should’ve just peed in her pants like Cody.
[tree branch snap and break, LeShawna falls down and bear growls]
(Heather and Trent gasp)
Owen: Dear Abby, she’s going to die!
(bear growls and thunk)
LeShawna: [grunts] Eh, nice bear. [screams] Somebody help me!
Heather: Leshawna, get up!
Trent: Run, look out!
Gwen: Don’t move!
Izzy: [laughs] Hey, are you okay?
LeShawna: Uh, did that bear just ask me a question?
(Gwen and Heather gasp)
Owen: Oh my goodness, I did not see that coming!
Lindsay: Okay, I’m so confused right now.
Gwen: What are you, some kind of weirdo?
Izzy: I thought it would be funny! (laughs) [in confessional] Okay, okay, that was so funny, like “Oh, it’s a bear! Oh no!” And like “We’re all gonna die now! Help! Help!” (laughs) And I’m like, “Rah! I’m gonna eat you!” (laughing) Like I could actually do that! There’s no way, okay? (laughing)

Katie: We made it!
Sadie: We’re safe! Oh my gosh, guys! We got totally lost and then got in this massive fight!
Katie: And there was this huge bear, and he was all "Rahhhh! You’re in my crib, so get out!"
Sadie: And we had to run, and it was like, so scary!
Katie: Oh, Sadie, I’m so sorry I said I was prettier than you.
Sadie: And I’m so sorry I brought up the snack shack.
Katie: And I’m sorry I said your butt was too big to fit in the bus seats.
Sadie: You did?
Katie: Um, well, not to your face.
Sadie: Oh, who cares? We’re safe! And you’re my best friend and I love you!
Katie: Oh, I love you too!
Courtney: You two finished your little love-fest? [Katie and Sadie both nod yes] Good. Because thanks to you, we just lost the challenge!

[Katie got eliminated after she and Sadie had gotten lost and showed up too late at camp to save their team]
Sadie: I miss you already!
Katie: [sobs] I miss you more!
Sadie: No, I miss you more!
Katie: No way, I totally miss you more!
Sadie: I miss you infinitely more, bye!

Courtney: [sighs] What do you want now?
Duncan: I just wanted to say, I’m sorry I scared you.
Courtney: I was NOT scared, it was COMPLETELY circumstantial, and there’s no such thing as a “hook-man”.
Duncan: Yeah, you’re probably right.....[pulls out the hook again] OR ARE YOU!!!
Courtney: [screams] UGH!!! I HATE YOU. [walks away]
Duncan: She so doesn’t hate me. [accidentally cuts himself with hook] AH!

Phobia Factor [1.07][edit]

[Sadie lays on the end of the dock crying after Katie was eliminated from the previous episode]
Bridgette: Katie would want you to keep going. [Sadie continues sobbing; sighs] Come on. Let’s go back and join the others. [pulls Sadie from the end of the dock breaking a piece of wood]
Sadie: No! [crying] Katie! I miss you!
Bridgette: [to Courtney] It was a long goodbye.

DJ: [gasps] SNAKE!
Cody: Chill, dude. It’s just a gummy worm.
DJ: Sorry for trippin’. Snakes just freak me out.
Tyler: I feel you. Chickens give me the creeps, dude.
Gwen: You’re afraid of chickens?
Duncan: [chuckles] Wow, that’s… That’s really lame, man.
Gwen: [Confessional] So suddenly, everyone’s having this big share-fest by the fire. Like Beth went on and on about how her mortal fear is being covered by bugs, Harold’s afraid of ninjas, even Heather admitted she’s afraid of sumo wrestlers. [end of confessional] What’s my worst fear? I guess being buried alive.
Lindsay: Walking through a minefield. In heels.
Owen: Flying, man. That’s some crazy stuff.
Izzy: Hah. I would never go up in a plane. Never!
Geoff: I’m scared of hail. It’s small but deadly, dude.
Bridgette: Being left alone in the woods.
Sadie: [sniffling] Bad haircuts.
Lindsay: Oh, okay. I change mine! That’s so much scarier than a minefield!
Cody: Having to defuse a time bomb under pressure.

Courtney: [to Duncan] What's your phobia?
Duncan: C-Celine Dion music store standees.

Trent: You still alive in there? Only three more minutes.
Gwen: [through walkie-talkie] And then you’ll dig me up, right?
Trent: Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.
Gwen: I need some kind of distraction. Tell me a story. Why do you hate mimes so much?
Trent: [sighs] My mom took me to this carnival once when I was four so I could see the elephants. I was stoked.
Gwen: Yeah?
Trent: I was so busy watching them that I lost her for a minute. I called out, but when I turned, all I could see was the horrible white face with black lips pretending to be me! I screamed and tried to run, but every time I turned around, he was there, doing this creepy fake run and scream routine.
[Trent's worst fear touches him and he turns, screaming, and runs off and drops his walkie-talkie]
Gwen: [through walkie-talkie] Trent?

Courtney: We need this point, DJ! Suck it up! [Geoff, Duncan, Harold and Tyler all shook their heads] What?! We're heading back to Loserville, People!

Courtney: [Confessional, tearful and embarrassed about not overcoming her fear of green jelly, which cost the Killer Bass the challenge] I'm so embarrassed! How could I be so weak? I deserve to go home! Ugh, okay, stop it. You're pathetic. Show some confidence, Courtney! [starts crying, but, slaps herself to stop]

[Tyler got eliminated instead of Courtney (and Bridgette) because his phobia of chickens was seen as a large nuisance and his inability to conquer them contributed to his team's loss]
Chris: [as Tyler leaves] Looks like a new pecking order has been established here.

Up the Creek [1.08][edit]

Chris: Legend has it, if you take anything off the island, [in spooky voice] you'll be cursed forever.
Owen: Yeah, haha! A cursed island! Whoo!
Chris: Now, get in your canoes and let’s have some fun!
Owen: Yes!
[The campers head for their canoes, Beth just got out of the bathroom]
Beth: What I'd miss?
Chris: Canoes.

Cody: [Confessional] Chris told us to pick a paddling partner. It was time for me to make my move. If I could just get Gwen alone for five minutes, I knew I could woo her with my manly charms. [Gwen finds Trent at the dock and they smile at each other. Gwen tries to walk to Trent, but Cody grabs her] Come on, Gwen. You and me, open water. What do ya say? [Gwen then puts Cody in a headlock while pulling his arm]
Lindsay: [with Beth] Trent? You have to come with us.
[Gwen see Trent being pulled away by Beth and Lindsay, Cody's still struggling]
Gwen: [sighs as she lets go of Cody] Fine, but I'm in charge!
Cody: That's the way I like it. [in confessional] Yes, yes, yes! It is so on! [plays air guitar solo]
Gwen: Cody? He's like an annoying brother. A really annoying little brother. [Cody continues playing air guitar solo] So much for hooking up with Trent.

[Cody and Gwen are paddling together]
Cody: So, do you wanna go out sometime?
Gwen: No.
Cody: How about Friday night?
Gwen: Uh, no.
Cody: Saturday's fine with me. How about Saturday?
Gwen: I'm never going out with you, ever!
Cody: Okay. Fine. Jeez. So... Is Sunday out of the question? [Gwen twirls her paddle like a baton and rams it against Cody's groin] Uh... Got it... [in confessional] Okay. Maybe she wasn't quite ready for the Code-meister.

Geoff: Ahh! My leg! I’m down! I’m down! Oh, it’s so unfair! Why did this have to happen now? Oh! Why? Why?!
Bridgette: Geoff!
Geoff: You’ve gotta go on without me!
DJ: We’re not leaving any man behind! Not on my watch!
Geoff: [Confessional] I didn’t know if I was gonna make it. It was touch-and-go.
Bridgette: [Confessional] I’ve seen surfers get eaten by sharks before, but this? This was horrifying.
DJ: [Confessional] The man just... kept going. Dude’s got heart.

Cody: I think I know why you keep shooting me down. It's because of Trent, isn't it? [Gwen looks at him] Look, I'm pretty tight with Trent, and I was definitely sensing an "I'm into Gwen" vibe from him. [Gwen stares at him] I'll put in a good word for him, if you will.
Gwen: [surprised] Wow. That's really cool of you.
Cody: Aw, well.
Gwen: If you can get us in the same boat back, I'll so owe you one.
Cody: Interesting that you would say that. See, I'm in a bit of trouble myself.
Gwen: [looking uneasy] What do you mean?
Cody: Well, I kind of bet Owen that if I got you [wiggles fingers] bra, he'd do all my dishes for the rest of the competition. [Gwen, irritated, hits him in the groin with her paddle again] HA, OW! Ha... right... asking too much. Got it.

Chris: [Confessional, laughing about Trent stepping in quicksand]

[Cody was able to save Trent and Lindsay from the quicksand]
Trent: Thanks for saving my butt, man.
Cody: Just lookin’ out for a fellow Gopher. [opens a soda can] Want a sip?
Trent: Nah, I’m good.
Cody: Trent, let’s talk. Mano y Mano.
Trent: O-Okay. What do you wanna talk about?
Cody: Gwen. See, I hit on her, but I struck out. A-A few times. The point is, she’s not into me. She’s into you.
Trent: If you’re lying, I could easily rearrange your face. You know that, right?
Cody: Dude, buddy! What do I have to gain from lying to you?
Trent: Okay. So, what do you think I should do about it?
Cody: Well, I'll tell ya, Trent. Here's how I'd play it.
Heather: [to Trent and Cody] Ladies, are you almost finished with your tea party? We're in the middle of a challenge here!

Heather: Where did you learn to do that?
Izzy: Oh, you know, I spent a summer training with the reserves. Yeah, I got in to some trouble there and like, blew up the kitchen by accident, which is why the RCMP is like, still all over my butt. I am so totally AWOL!

Chris: The Bass are the winners!
[The Killer Bass members cheer for their victory]
Leshawna: [to Izzy with rage] You cost us the game! You are dead!
Izzy: Right. Okay, you are so lucky that my license to kill is currently expired.
[Leshawna angrily picks up an oar and starts chasing Izzy]

[Izzy eliminated herself from the game because the RCMP arrived to arrest her]
RCMP Officer: [from a helicopter] Izzy! We know you are down there! You are under arrest! [a searchlight tries to spot Izzy]
Leshawna: You mean all that trash you were talkin' was true?
Izzy: No, just the RCMP part. See ya! [goes psycho while the helicopter's searchlight immediately focuses on her] You'll never get me ALIVE!!!!!!!! [laughs hysterically and runs off with the RCMP in hot pursuit]

Paintball Deer Hunter [1.09][edit]

Leshawna: Okay, that dude is really starting to get on my last nerve!
Heather: [yawns] Whatever. He just loves ruining our mornings. Beth, Lindsay, go warm up the shower for me. [they don't move] Now! And remember...
Beth: Not too hot this time, I know. [yawns]

Beth: What are you doing?
Owen: Masking my scent so the deer don’t smell me coming.
LeShawna: Tell me that isn’t…
Owen: Pee? Yes. Yes, it is!
Lindsay: Ew!
Owen: I’ve got some more if you need some.
Beth: We’re hunting other campers. You don’t have to hide your scent.
Owen: You mean, I collected all this pee for nothing?
[Owen throws a jar of pee on a ground; Beth and Lindsay scream]
LeShawna: Dude. You are one sick ticket.

Duncan: What are you lookin’ at?
Owen: Oh, nothing. Bambi.
Duncan: [threateningly] You’d better be a good shot, tubby.

Heather: What took you so long?
Beth: Were we supposed to come find you?
Heather: Hello? Alliance, anyone?
Lindsay: Ooh, ooh, me! Can I be in one?
Heather: You already are, Lindsay. That’s the point! Now go find me some berries! I’m starving!
Lindsay: Woohoo! Yeah!
Beth: Shouldn’t we be, y’know, hunting?
Heather: She is hunting. For me. But actually, berries won’t be enough. Go get me some chips.
Beth: In the forest?
Heather: In the dining hall. Now. And not barbecue!

Beth: [Confessional] So I’m running for my life from this psycho Chef when all of a sudden, it hits me! I’m doing this for Heather?! I don’t even like her!

[Beth stood up to Heather and ends their alliance together.]
Heather: What took you so long?
Beth: Here. I hope you know what I had to go through to get those.
Heather: [snags the bag out of Beth's hands] There’s like... eleven chips left. [sniffs] And they’re barbecue! Go exchange them for dill pickle.
Beth: No.
Heather: What did you just say?
Cody: I’m just gonna… yeah.
Heather: Take it back.
Beth: [inhales deeply] No.
Heather: Take... it... back.
Beth: No, I’m tired of being your slave. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete.

Cody: [eating a barbecue chip bag] Mm. Barbecue. Mm, the king of chip flavors.

Heather: Hey, Beth!
(Sadie gasped)
Beth: Oh. I totally had her!
Heather: We’ve been talking about you.
Lindsay: We have?
Heather: Zip it! Lindsiot. We’ve decided to give you one last chance. If you take it back, you can rejoin our alliance.
Beth: Take back what?
Heather: The “N” word. No.
Beth: I don’t wanna take it back.
Heather: You are nothing without me!
Beth: Do you know why we keep losing challenges?
Heather: Because they’re lame and stupid?
Beth: No. Because you’re so busy being mean that you don’t even try. All you can think of is bossing us around! (Heather gasped) Unh! Oh, that’s it!
Heather: Bring it, dweeb!

Heather: I am giving you one last chance.
Beth: Why? Because you know you can’t win without your little alliance?
Heather: I can make your life miserable here!
Beth: You already do, Miss Come-Put-Lotion-On-My-Nasty-Alligator-Skin! What do I have to lose?
LeShawna: 2 hours of sneakin’ around in the woods and I haven’t shot a darn thing. What kind of messed up person actually does this for fun?
Heather: Fine! Be all alone then! Loser!
Beth: It’s better than working for you!
Heather: Bring it, dweeb!
Beth: Oh, that’s it!
[paintgun shoots]
Heather: Ow! Who was that?
LeShawna: Oh! I knew I should’ve gone to the optometrist before I came out here! Ha, sorry about that!
Heather: You! Gimme your gun! Give it! Ow! Charliehorse! [thud]
LeShawna: Girl, you crazy.
Beth: Heh. Just looked like a lot of fun when you did it.
(Beth and Leshawna laugh)
Heather: Stop laughing!

Duncan: [sniffs] Beans... [looks up and grins] Owen! [Owen farts while hidden behind leaves] Nice try, Farticus! You almost had me! [runs away]

Harold: Hey. Where are Duncan and Courtney?
Gwen: Oh, this is too much.
Owen: [laughs] Duncan, you sly dog, you!
Duncan: The girl can’t keep her antlers off me. [Courtney kicks him in the groin in a pain-pitched voice] Can’t even bend over.
Chris: Easy, Courtney. Our medical tent is really only equipped for one at a time and Cody’s pretty messed up.

Chris: The camper-
Gwen: Who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and leave. Can't we just get this over with?

Cody: [in the confessional, about the elimination ceremony] Okay, I know I got mauled by a bear, but I'm feeling confident about this. Heather's as mean as a snake, dude! Her own team shot her like eighteen times! They'll never kick me off.

[Cody got eliminated instead of Heather because he was in a full body cast after being mauled by a bear and his team thought he wasn't useful, so Beth wheeled him to the Dock of Shame]
Beth: I know, I can't believe I stood up to her, either! [Cody mumbles more; Beth cannot understand, however] Don't worry about me. I'll be fine! And... I still have my good luck charm! [shows Cody the tiki idol] See? I found it on Boney Island last week. Cool, huh? Goodbye Cody! Take care! [Beth kisses Cody on the cheek, and he falls off the dock and his wheelchair sinks]

If You Can't Take The Heat... [1.10][edit]

Geoff: Okay. We’ve got like, three courses and six people. So everybody partner up!
DJ: I know how to make pasta sauce.
Bridgette: I know how to boil pasta.
Harold: Me and Sadie can rock the antipasto. I’m like a black belt when it comes to cutting cheese. [the Bass campers laugh] What? What?!
Duncan: I guess that leaves you and me on dessert detail.
Courtney: Oh no. No way!
Geoff: Come on, Courtney. For the team.

DJ: Uh, where do you want the water, Brid– [spills water on Harold's pants] Oops!
Harold: Hey! Smooth move, Dork-ahontus!

Heather: Gwen, Lindsay, you’re both on the citrus macadamia upside down cake flambé.
Lindsay: Know how to make an upside down flamer thingy?
[Owen bumps into Heather, drops some oranges, slips on them and squashes them all]
Heather: Go back to the truck and get more oranges.
Owen: I'm on it! [leaves to the truck]
Heather: Trent, you and Owen are both on ribs. Leshawna and Beth, you’re both on pineapple skewers and mango dip.
Leshawna: Girl, let me handle the appetizers. I know how to make a pineapple chutney that will knock the socks off the devil.
Heather: Oh, really? Well, that’s so great! But since I’m head chef, we’re gonna stick to my plan. And my plan is pineapples with sticks through them. Got it?

Courtney: Careful your big paws don't mash the pastry.
Duncan: Careful your uptight butt doesn't curdle the custard.
Courtney: Oh, ha ha ha.

Heather: These slices are totally uneven. Switch places with Leshawna.
Leshawna: What are you talking about? They look fine to me.
Heather: Um, I didn’t get to be head chef because of poor presentation
Leshawna: No! You got to be head chef because you called it. And who you think you foolin’ with this crispy white apron power trip you on?
Heather: Are you gonna be a team player or not?!
Leshawna: Ooh, I’m a team player all right, but I’m also allergic to pineapples!
Heather: Just get slicing. Now! Thanks, guys.
Leshawna: Ooh! Two-faced, bossy, little– [gets pineapple allergy rash on her arms] Ooh! Ugh! Yo! What do you recommend I do about this?
Heather: Yo, I recommend you scratch after we win. Get back to work.


Heather: Pay attention, girls. This is how you flambé. Step one, Pour the flambé which you did manage. Step two, light it. [lights it which causes a flame burst and it burns off her eyebrows] Aaah! My eyebrows! Owen!
Owen: [runs up] Is it finally lunch time?
Heather: No! Go get my makeup bag from the cabin!
Owen: But, the bees!
Heather: NOW!
Leshawna: Excuse me, I need a bathroom break.
Heather: Well, evidently, I need new eyebrows. But we don’t always get what we want, do we? Ugh! It’s like I’m on a team of morons!
Leshawna: [Confessional, furious about Heather] Oh, that is it! Someone’s gotta teach this girl a little respect.

Duncan: Nice jammies.
Harold: This is all I’ve got left. So if you sickos want to see me butt naked, hit me with your best shot.
Duncan: Well, stop leaving your butt bags all over the cabin and we’ll back off.
Harold: I told you it wasn’t me!
Duncan: Well, I tried.
Geoff: Hey, guys! I made some sandwiches! We can chow down while we work!
Harold: Aw, sweet! I’m seriously starving. [chomp] This tastes like sweat and lotion. It’s probably the worst sandwich ever. Gross!
[DJ, Duncan, Geoff, and Sadie laughing]
Geoff: We’ll return all your shorts and panties when you admit your guilt, dude.

Heather: [locked inside the fridge] Hey! You can’t do this, I’m head chef!
Lindsay: Do you think Heather’s really mad at us?
Heather: [pounds furiously from behind the door] I WILL DESTROY YOU! [starts weeping]
Leshawna: She’ll get over it. Girl needs to learn how to chill.

Leshawna: [to Owen angrily after he ate the whole rib plate] Tell me you did not just eat that entire plate of ribs!

Chris: (After nearly choking to death on the Screaming Gophers' food) What the heck is this?!
Lindsay: It's Heather's recipe. (Gasps) Oh my gosh, she's still in the fridge! [runs into the kitchen]
Leshawna: What? Girl was making everyone trip.
Chris: Oh, I hear that.
Owen: (gasps horrifyingly) Oh, the horror!
[Heather is out of the fridge with her whole body skin completely light blue]
Heather: (angrily shivering) You guys are s-s-s-so dead!

Courtney: I'm like the most easy going person I know!
Duncan: Oh yeah, you're totally laid back.

[Beth got eliminated instead of Heather because she was exposed for taking a cursed tiki idol from Boney Island, causing her team to blame her for their losses.]
Heather: [talks to Beth about her elimination] You heard him. Boat of Losers. That away. Not really was silly of you to take that doll from the island.

[Harold wakes up naked at the Dock of Shame while Courtney and Leshawna laugh]
Courtney and Leshawna: Good morning, Harold!
Harold: EEEEH! [he covers his groin with his pillow]
Duncan: So, learned your lesson, yet?
Harold: Yes! Okay?! Yes!!
Geoff: Oh, we're going to need more than that, man!
Harold: I'll never leave my crusty underwear out again! I swear!
Geoff: What the heck? I believe him. Pleasure doing business with ya! [throws bag full of Harold's underwear and shorts]

Who Can You Trust? [1.11][edit]

[Heather sneezes after being locked in the freezer from the previous episode]
Gwen: Need a little echinacea?
Heather: Ha, you’re so funny. You think you can just lock me up in a freezer and get away with it? I am gonna make you sorry that you ever met me.
Gwen: Too late.
Heather: You are such- [sneezes] Ugh! I hate this place!

Courtney: [after unknowingly seeing Duncan stuff another mug in this shirt] I saw that! How could you just steal a mug?
Duncan: ‘Cause it’s cool looking and I don’t have one. Hm. Didn’t have one, that is.
Courtney: But you might get kicked off!
Duncan: Awww, and here I thought you didn’t care about me.
Courtney: We’re one player short and I don’t wanna lose because you feel like going all criminal on us.
Duncan: Pfft, whatever. You dig me.
Courtney: Ugh! Why do I even bother?!

Chris McLean: Muy caliente!

Duncan: This bites!
DJ: Big time!

Trent: [deep voice, slurring] I thought you said you passed biology!
Lindsay: I said I took biology. [Trent falls back on the ground and vomits as he gags] Ewww!
Chris: It’s cool. Give him twenty-four hours and he’ll be up walking and breathing, good as new.
Geoff: Uh, is anyone going to help this guy?

[Sadie kept shooting Courtney, just after LeShawna got the bullseye.]
Sadie: I got her this time!
Chris: LeShawna won already!
Courtney: Hey, moron! It's ov...Oof!

Gwen: [Confessional] Sometimes, the universe gives you a freebie!

[Courtney convinced her teammates to vote Sadie off after she continued shooting crab apples at the former even though they lost the challenge.]
Sadie: [after she got eliminated] You know what? That’s fine with me, you… marshmallow eating freaks! [runs off crying loudly]
Chris: The rest of you are safe. For now.

Basic Straining [1.12][edit]

Chef Hatchet: Lone up and stand at attention! You call this proper formation?! Knees together! Arms down! Eyes forward! Head up!
Gwen: Oh, this is gonna be a fun day.
Chef Hatchet: What did you say to me, soldier?!
Gwen: Um… Nothing?
Chef Hatchet: And you’ll continue to say nothing until I tell you that you can say something! Today’s challenge will not be an easy one. In fact, I do not expect everyone to come out alive.
Owen: (chuckles) Aww, that hurt!
Chef Hatchet: My orders are to make sure that all of the babies in front of me drop out of my boot camp except one. The last one standing wins immunity for their team!
Heather: Uh… what happened to Chris?
Chef Hatchet: Rule number one! You will address me as Master Chief! Have you got that?!
All: Yes, Master Chief!
Chef Hatchet: You will sleep when I tell you to sleep! And you will eat only when I tell you to eat! Is that clear?!
Geoff: Yes, Master Chief!
Chef Hatchet: Rule number two! When you are ready to give up, you will walk to the end of the dock and ring the bell. Which brings me to rule number three! I’ll have to get one quitter before the end of the first day! And that day will not end until someone drops out! Now get your butts down to the beach, soldiers! Now, now, now!
(Campers screaming)

[Harold rigged the votes to eliminate Courtney, in order to get revenge on Duncan, for bullying him.]
Harold: [in confessional, rigging the votes] You guys think you're soooo funny? Let's see how you like it when someone messes with your love life.

X-Treme Torture [1.13][edit]

Gwen: Did you ever think that maybe Trent's doing this as a form of self expression... like haiku?

Bridgette: So, your guy's a metro with a broken back!
Gwen: So, your guy is like a challenging skater plank. [LeShawna was riding a moose in the background.] Okay. So, it wasn't Trent or Geoff.
Bridgette: Yeah! Plus, we assumed it was for us. [She and Gwen share a hug] Well. Whoever it is, we're gonna find out!

Heather: [Confessional] I couldn't let that little dork-wad win, so I decided to cut him loose. [turns toward Harold and takes out a knife from her pocket] Game over, Gumby!
Harold: victory i- Huh?
Heather: [tries to cut harolds string lose but a tree rips her shirt] While covering it] AHHHHHH!
Harold: AH!
Heather: [while she landed on the bear the bear growls]

Gwen: So we ruled out Owen and DJ.
Bridgette: I know! So who could it be?
Leshawna: Who could what be?
Chris: Another note from your secret admirer Leshawna?
Gwen and Bridgette: [speechless] Leshawna's the crush girl?
Leshawna: You two know someone else here with a booty as luscious as an apple?
Gwen: But who wrote it?

Chris: Bridgette and DJ! You're safe! [gives them the marshmallow, then, uses a megaphone] Geoff! You're safe!
[Geoff was up in a tree due to landing in a pile of smelly socks, Chris tossed a marshmallow to Geoff.]
Chris: Okay, that leaves Harold, who bailed big for unknown reasons.
Harold: [Confessional] Boobies.
Chris: And Duncan who bailed even bigger because Lindsay left his circling the drain in a shameless–
Duncan: [grabs Chris' shirt by the collar; angrily through gritted teeth] The chick was determined.
Chris: [hands him the last marshmallow] Which is why you’re safe. Harold, sorry dude. You’re done like dinner.

[Harold got eliminated instead of Duncan for he bailed in the skiing challenge when he was distracted by Heather's bare chest]
Harold: Give daddy some sugar.

Geoff: So, wait a second, Harold saw your boobies?
Owen: Can we see?
Leshawna: Heck, no. [angered realization] Wait a minute. [walks to the end of the dock calling out to Harold] Whose boobies did you see?! [Heather opens the door after she took a shower] Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh, see now, you messed with the wrong sister!
Heather: Oh please, it was a total fluke. You think I'd actually showed that dweeb my boobs on purpose?
Leshawna: [angrily chases Heather] Get back here!
Gwen: Well, that’s settled. Night.
Bridgette: Night.

Brunch of Disgustingness [1.14][edit]

Heather: What’s mine is yours. Nail polish, scrunchies, earrings, just help yourself.
Lindsay: Wow.
Bridgette: Thanks, Heather, but um, I like to keep it natural.
Heather: Like my mom always says, a lady can always use a little boost in the looks department.
Leshawna: And my momma told me ain’t nothin’ free in this world. Watch what you take from this girl, Bridgette.
Heather: Mind your own business!
Leshawna: We’re a team and we gotta live in the same cabin, so this is all of our business.
Bridgette: Yeah! We’re a team. We should be using this as an opportunity to get to know each other better.
Heather: You want to play that way? Fine. Be on their side! [tapes a line in the middle] This is my side, and that’s your side! [Confessional] Okay, I probably could’ve played that better. But Leshawna seriously creases me.
Leshawna: Huh, yeah that’s right. You keep putting down that tape. And if you cross it, I’ll smack you down!
Heather: You can choose the weird girls if you want, but just so you know, once you do, you’re like, not allowed on our side. Right, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Hmph.
Bridgette: [Confessional] I thought we were supposed to be a team. You know, “united together in solidarity” or something. Let’s build bridges, not walls!
Heather: Take your pick. [Bridgette crosses Leshawna and Gwen's side] You just dug your own grave.
Bridgette: Let’s try to get along, okay? Otherwise, the guys are going to cream us, don’t you get it? Tough room.

Chris: The score now stands at one for the girls and zero for the guys! And now, the next course in... the Brunch of Disgustingness! You guys like pizza?
Owen: I could eat pizza any time with anything on it!
Chris: Anything? How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies?
Lindsay: Ew, I hate anchovies!
Leshawna: Ugh. Mm-mm. That is straight up nasty. I ain’t eatin’ that.
Heather: Oh, yes you are. I am not missing out on an indoor heated pool just because you can’t keep down a few... [notices a grasshopper on her finger and screams] Grasshoppers. Okay, I can’t do this.
Gwen: [grabs Heather by the arm] I’m digesting a bull’s precious cajones? You're gonna eat.
Heather: Fine. Can I get a little parmesan on this? [Chef shakes his head no, and she takes a bite] Delicious.

Lindsay: [whimpering] There is no way I’m eating that! It’s not even food!
Bridgette: Lindsay! Lindsay! Let’s try a little yogic meditation, okay? First, get into lotus position.
Lindsay: Ohm… ohm… ohm… [chewing]
Leshawna: Now that’s what I’m talking about, teamwork! Slide me some fingers!

Trent: [Confessional] When I was a kid, my parents used to hold me down and force feed me broccoli. They only did it because broccoli’s… [shudders] good for ya. I can do this. DJ, I need you to hold me down, while Geoff, you stuff the slice in my mouth. And no matter how much I scream or beg, you have got to feed me that slice.
Geoff: Huh, sure. I’m in.
[DJ holds Trent tightly as Geoff holds the slice to stuff it in his mouth]
Trent: No, stop! Wait, it was a joke! I was kidding! Ha ha! [laughs nervously] I’m warning you, my dad’s a lawyer! [Geoff stuffs the slice into his mouth and eats it] Mama? [Confessional] It wasn’t that bad. I was playing it up for the cameras. You know, to boost ratings. I don’t really mind beef testicles or live grasshopper pizza with jellyf– Ooh... [vomits all over]

Chef Hatchet: [Confessional] I was excited about the next dish. I made it from scratch.
Chris: All right, who’s ready for the third course? Spaghetti! Well, actually, earthworms covered in snail slime sauce and hairballs.
Geoff: No! I can’t take anymore! [runs off screaming]
DJ: I’ll take care of this. [grabs Geoff and holds him down]
Geoff: [panting] Okay, okay! I’m good! I’m good.

Chris: All right everybody. Time for course number four. No nine-course meal would be complete without soup. Today’s special is French Bunyon soup with hangnail crackers.
Geoff: [Confessional] I think they just use stuff from Chef’s bathroom floor.
Lindsay: I didn't even taste it!
Chris: The girls win again! The score’s now tied up at two.
[The girls cheer as they and the boys are now tied with 2]
Bridgette: [Confessional] I think the girls really made a breakthrough as a team.

Chris: Wow, it’s still tied up. We’re down to the last course in the challenge. It’s delicious dolphin wieners. Hot dogs made of dolphin.
Bridgette: [gasps] But, dolphins are our friends!
Heather: What are you waiting for? It's already dead. If you don't eat it, we don't win!
Bridgette: Oh, I can't! I'm a surfer. I swim with dolphins!
Heather: EAT IT!
Bridgette: NO! I'm not doing it! You can't pressure me.
DJ: I’m with you sister. I’m not eating no dolphin.

[after Owen finishes the cockroach drink]
Chris: Owen wins!
[The boys celebrate their victory after Owen wins the eat-off]
Heather: Leshawna, you are completely useless!
Leshawna: Oh, uh-oh, something’s coming up. [starts vomiting]

Chris: The guys are the big winners today. And the girls go their separate ways. Two definitive cliques have been cemented. For now. What shocking surprises are in store for our campers next week as they head for the big merge? Tune in on Total Drama Island.

No Pain, No Game [1.15][edit]

Chris: Now that Heather's drawn the line, will Leshawna cross the line? Can Bridgette mend the line before Gwen shreds the line? And can Lindsay recognize any line that's not a tan line?

Leshawna: [Confessional] Psh. Those should’ve been my alligator elbows getting the hand and foot treatment!

Chris: [through loudspeaker] Listen up, campers! As of right now, all teams are officially dissolved. From here on in, it’s every camper for themselves!
Duncan: [clears throat] Well, uh, it’s about time we flew solo.
Leshawna: Oh-ho-ho, I am feelin’ that! Bring it on, Chris!
Chris: [through loudspeaker] Then, get ready for this!
[A boat horn blows, and Gwen and Bridgette gasp]
Leshawna: You’re frontin’ me.
Heather: What? But that’s impossible.
Trent: Aw man, what is she doing here?
[Eva, who was eliminated from "The Big Sleep" with a fire background has returned on another boat]
Chris: [through loudspeaker] Back by popular audience demand, it’s Eva!

[Izzy also returns to the game.]
Chris: [through loudspeaker] Also returning to camp is Izzy!
Girls: Oh no!
Izzy: Hey guys, It's good to be back camp, even though I never actually left the island, I've been living in the woods all this time.
Gwen: I thought the R.C.M.P hunted you down.
Izzy: Do they tribe, but being wilderness survivor I was swift-footed and avoided capture. (she eats raw fish) Once I was safe among my animal brethren, it was just me against the harsh elements.
Leshawna: You call this "harsh"? It's been warm and sunny all week.
Izzy: Not where I was, but luckily I was able to take refuge in a beaver dam. Yeah, I've befriended the family of beavers who lived there and together we forged for nuts and berries. (she scratches) Boy, I could get use of bag of nachos right now. (imitates howl like a wolf) Though, Wasn't if you guys?

[Girls' cabin]
Eva: [walks in] What’s with the tape? Somebody better answer me!
Leshawna: Me and Heather here got a little uh, territorial. But we’re all cool now. Right, Heather?
Heather: [takes the tape off the floor and wraps it in a ball] Absolutely. Want my bunk, Eva?
Eva: I want this one. [shoves Bridgette's surfboard] Unless Miss backstabbing-traitor-who-voted-me-off has a problem with that.
Leshawna: Okay, you know what? You can get all up in her face, but don’t forget we’re all here to win.
Eva: Oh, yeah, you got that right, sister thunder thighs.
Leshawna: Oh, oh, oh. Tell me that the macho mama with butt cheeks tighter than my weave did not just say that!
Gwen: Whoa! Timeout!
Lindsay: Can't we talk this out over low-cal snacks?
Eva: Whatever. I'm still gonna win! [walks away]
Bridgette: Hey, thanks for stepping in.
Leshawna: Oh, my pleasure. Nobody disses Shawny’s thighs. [Confessional] That girl is getting on my last nerve!

[LeShawna won the challenge.]
Chris: LeShawna wins! So, Eva is out!
Eva: [Furious and shocked about this] What?! No way!
Chris: Way! She wins the challenge, invincibility and the grand prize!

[Eva's had her second elimination when her temper get the better of her again, and she specifically threatened Bridgette.]
Chris: Got some dirt in there, huh. But, in the end! It was still six votes against Eva, so adios!
Eva: What?! This isn't the end of me! You better watch your backs! I'm not done! I will have my revenge! [cuts to her on the Boat of Losers, wearing a straitjacket]

Search and Do Not Destroy [1.16][edit]

Heather: (In confessional) That’s just too much! Everyone knows that boyfriend-girlfriend is just another way to say “alliance”. And my alliance is gonna be the only alliance on this island!

Heather: Okay, listen up. We’ve gotta break up Trent and Gwen. Here’s the plan. Lindsay, I need you to get.. what happened to you?
Lindsay: Izzy tried to help. Bees stinging. Terror. Lost keys.
[snake hisses]
Heather: Uh, yeah. Now here’s the plan. First, I need you to write a letter to Gwen.

LeShawna: What’s up, girl?
Gwen: [sobbing] How’d you get all scratched up like that?
LeShawna: You should see the crocodiles. What about you? What’s up?
Gwen: Well, you see… what happened was…
LeShawna: (she runs out of cabin) Heather is so off this island!

[Trent got eliminated because Gwen told Leshawna that Heather kissed him. Leshawna told everybody to vote him or Heather off. Since Heather won invincibility, they voted off Trent instead.]
Chris: [to Trent] Sorry dude, you're out. [Trent gasps]
Leshawna: That's right! Take your two timing ways back to where you came from.
Trent: What?! But I thought I was getting so well with everybody!
Heather: I guess you were wrong.
Gwen: [gasps to Heather] You don't even care, do you?!
Heather: Hey, just playing the game.
Trent: [to Gwen] Why should you care? You think I'm a cliché.
Gwen: Where you get that from?
Trent: Her. [points to Heather]
Gwen: [rolls eyes] You know, after all this, I still didn't vote you off.
Trent: Then how did I get the boot?
Leshawna: My bad! I told everyone that you were two-timing and messin' around with Gwen and to give you the boot if Heather won the challenge.

Trent: [to Gwen] I want you to be tough and fight to the end, for both of us. I'll be watching and cheering for you back home.
[Gwen smiles, they lean in to kiss, but Chris butts in]
Chris: Trent, you have an appointment at the Dock of Shame and a ticket for the Boat of Losers! Let's go.

Hide and Be Sneaky [1.17][edit]

Lindsay: [Confessional] Heather is my best friend on the island. I mean, sure, she steals my food and borrows my clothes and calls me names, but that's what BFFs are for—Best Female Friends!
Heather: [Confessional] Who cares about friends? In this world, there are shepherds and there are sheep, and Lindsay is a major sheep. (imitates sheep noises)
Lindsay: [Confessional] I think she really respects me and my strategical ideas!
Heather: [Confessional] I've got flip-flops with more brains than her. But, hey, she's useful right now, so I'll keep her close, and when I don't need her anymore, I'll dump her.

Lindsay: The entire viewing world who?

Lindsay: [Confessional; Questions how nice Heather actually is] Okay, that was a limited edition. I'll never be able to get that nail polish back! I'm starting to think that maybe Heather isn't such a nice person after all!

[Bridgette got eliminated instead of Duncan because the guys' alliance (except for Geoff) voted her off because she was likable and good at sports]
Chris: Ok, that was a shocker. Even I'm shocked, and I knew the answer.

That's Off the Chain [1.18][edit]

Geoff: [Confessional] Bridgette! Bridgette, I’m sorry. I should’ve made them vote someone else off, I… Even though you were stinking, you were also kind of a threat because, you know, you’re nice and totally athletic and hot and stuff. Forgive me, Bridgette!

Lindsay: W-Wait, then you’ll win, not me.
Heather: Exactly.
Lindsay: I was thinking it would be really fun if I won a challenge for myself for once.
Heather: Yeah, that’s a great idea in theory, but then who would come up with all the new strategies to get us through the next week?
Lindsay: Mm, right. Okay!
Heather: Don’t worry. If the piranhas don’t eat you, then you’ll definitely be second, which means Owen or Duncan gets voted off and we make it through another bonfire ceremony.

[Heather and Lindsay crossed the finish line, but since Duncan and Owen did not complete the race, Lindsay was technically the last person to cross the line.]
Chris: That’s not exactly true. Heather is safe because her bike crossed the line first, but since Duncan and Owen wiped out and didn’t complete the race… they technically didn’t cross the line at all. Which makes you the last one to cross the line. Which means it’s Dock of Shame time, baby.
Lindsay: Okay, I’m so confused.
Heather: It means I can’t save you unless I give you my invincibility. But I can’t do that. Too risky. You understand.
Lindsay: But I won. I even built your bike.
Heather: [laughs nervously] I don’t know what she’s talking about. You should just leave with your dignity intact. It will make you seem much more cuter in the instant replays.
(Gwen gasped)
Lindsay: But we were going to the final three together.
Heather: Guess we’re not.
Lindsay: Aren’t you even sad? We’re BFFs.
Heather: Yeah, for the contest. I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna be best friends for life or anything. (Lindsay gasped)
Lindsay: (confessional) [gasped] I can’t believe she said that! (confessional off) I can't believe you just said that. But we pinkie-swore. You mean I've been helping you all this time, And you didn't even like me?
Heather: Truth? Not really, no. (Lindsay gasped) What? We're not here to make friends, we're here to become celebrities, remember?
Duncan: Ooh, that's cold, brah.
Heather: Oh, like you're such a team player. All you do is go around scaring the crap out of everyone.
Duncan: At least I'm straight with people.
Heather: Whatever. I have invincibility. No one can touch me.
Gwen: This week.
Lindsay: You really are mean! And all that bad stuff people say about you is true! Like how you're a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (gives Heather the finger; very long bleep) I always told them they were wrong. I stood up for you, because I thought we were BFF's! But they're right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little (very long bleep) And guess what? I don't wanna be BFF's anymore! I'd rather spend the day staring at Owen's butt than shopping with you! And P.S, your shoes are tacky!
(Heather gasped)
[Everyone is laughing]
Gwen: You tell her!
[Owen laughs]
[Common loon laughs]
Heather: Oh, go jump in the piranha pool!
LeShawna: Whoa! Get me off of this thing!

Lindsay: (confessional) I don’t know what came over me. Oh, wait, yes I do! Heather’s a total (shortened censor beep)

Lindsay: Thanks for all your support, Greta. I love you, Laquisha.
LeShawna: Take care, girlfriend. If it makes you feel better, we would’ve kept you on.
Lindsay: Really? Thanks. Kick Heather’s butt for me.
LeShawna: My pleasure.
Lindsay: Bye guys! See you at the finale! Aww, I think I’m gonna miss you the most.
Owen: [cries loudly] Me too! Bye!
Lindsay: Good luck, Heather. I hope you get everything your karma owes you. Okay. I’m ready.

Hook, Line and Screamer [1.19][edit]

Gwen: Here comes the blood fest!

Heather: DJ! It's me! Heather.

Owen: If this was a stunt, would Chris leave behind, his hair gel?!

Owen: It was a joke. Too funny. I was all, "AHHHH", and you were all, "EEEEE".

Owen: Owen isn't getting to second base, is he? [Izzy shakes head] First base? [Izzy shakes head again] he getting up to ba- [Izzy punches Owen in the face]

[DJ ran away screaming all the way to the tent, and it contributes to his elimination.]

[DJ got eliminated because he ran away before the Killer even got to him, automatically eliminating him]
Chris: [about DJ's elimination] Well, it's obvious to everyone that Gwen wins invincibility. Sadly, it's equally unanimous that DJ walk the Dock of Shame since he was the only one who screamed and bolted without the escape psycho killer even being there. But, no hard feelings, dude. You will be missed.
Owen: Awww, group hug!

Wawanakwa Gone Wild! [1.20][edit]

Chris: Your challenge is to trap an animal.
Duncan: (grabs Owen's arm) Got one!
Chris: A wild animal.

Heather: (Confessional) I assumed I'm the favorite to win. I mean, look who's left! Weird goth girl, a criminal, a fart machine, a party dude, a psycho hose beast, and Leshawna. And the only thing she has going for her is that she hasn't made any enemies. Whoop-doo! We're not here to make friends! We are here to win! And that is exactly what I plan on doing.

Duncan: Have you seen Heather?
Izzy: Who?
Duncan: About ye tall, long dark hair, hot, [sticks fingers up like antlers] wearing deer antlers.
[Heather comes out from a bush and passes out from tranquilizer dart on her butt]
Izzy: Whoops...
[Duncan starts to laugh maniacally at the situation, in the confessional]

Duncan: [to Heather] Are you sure you don't wanna go to the infirmary to get your... [chuckles] butt-dart removed?
Heather: [paralyzed] Not until psycho hose beast goes down.

[Izzy had her second elimination when she shot Heather, Chef Hatchet, a plane, and a horse with a tranquilizer gun due to having bad hunting skills and being too crazy.]
Chris: Izzy, Gwen. One of you has spent your last night on Total Drama Island.
Heather: [paralyzed] Just give it to Gwen already!
Chris: Ehh... [he shrugs and tosses the last marshmallow to Gwen]
Izzy: [casually] Ah, we've all gotta go sometime, right?.
Owen: You could make out with me first, if that would cushion the blow...?
Izzy: Goodnight, everybody! Thanks for comin' out! [throws a smoke pellet to the ground and vanishes; everyone else looks shocked]

Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon [1.21][edit]

Geoff: You've never been to a party?
Gwen: No, okay? Sometimes I wish I had been. That for just one day I could be one of those happy, vapid girls who gets along with everyone, and who is all excited to eat massive amounts of sugar, and do karaoke, and cheerleading and ponytails. I just don't think it's in my DNA.

[Geoff got eliminated instead of Gwen because his happy attitude and popularity was a threat to all the campers]
Geoff: [after he got eliminated] No sweat Gwen. Chow dudes.
Gwen: Wait! I have something for you! [runs up to Geoff]
Geoff: My lens!
Gwen: I went back to Boney Island. I'm sorry. There might be just a little bit of lake Wawanakwa in it.
Geoff: ... Makes it a better souvenir right?
Gwen: Right. Bye Geoff and thanks. [walks away but gets caught by Geoff for a photo.]
Geoff: Wait up! Say cheese! [takes picture and they are seen with water a fish]

Haute Camp-ture [1.22][edit]

Chris: Welcome to Playa des Losers. The all-inclusive luxury resort where our sent after being brutally voted out of the game to lick their wounds and accept their fate as reality show has-beens. When we are down to the two final competitors, their fate will be in the hands of these 17 losers!

Cody: After I got my body cast off and the stitches removed, I started to realize, this place is pretty sweet!
Trent: Yo, Cody! Need some sunscreen? You’re looking a bit pink, dude!
Cody: No thanks! I’m trying to get a tan! It attracts the ladies!

Courtney: I don’t care how nice this place is, I’m not supposed to be here. After I was kicked off, I found out exactly what went on the night I was eliminated. [Flashback to Harold switching the votes] It was all Harold’s fault! I should be in the final five right now! When I find that little twerp, I’m gonna grab hold of him, and wring his skinny, awkward little neck! You hear me, Harold? I know you’re hiding around here somewhere! He has to come out sometime. And when he does, he’s going to get it.

Harold: Hey, Trent! Slide me some bologna.
Trent: Yeah, what the heck? [tosses Harold some bologna]
Ezekiel: Dude, why are you helping him? He’s a traitor, eh?
Trent: True. But he doesn’t deserve to starve to death. And he sure can’t come out here.

Courtney: I’m in the middle of filing a lawsuit for wrongful termination of competition. These people are witnesses! I was unfairly kicked off!
Trent: [feigning ignorance] I didn’t see a thing, man.
DJ: [feigning ignorance and bandaging Bunny] You got me.
Noah: [feigning ignorance] Must’ve missed that episode.
Katie: [feigning ignorance] What’s she talking about?
Eva: [feigning ignorance] Didn’t see it. Don’t care.
Courtney: [scoffs] You all know what happened!
Ezekiel: Hey, give her a break already, eh? I got kicked off from the first– [Courtney hits him with a lamppost]
Lindsay: You just would’ve been kicked off in another episode. No one liked you that much.
Courtney: [gasps] That is so not true! Everyone likes me! I used to be a CIT! [a coconut hits her on the head] Ow! This is a coconut. We’re in Muskoka, people! If you’re going to drop props on my head, at least make them geographically correct! [snow falls on her] Ow! [a sled falls on the snow then a Eskimo who sleds away]
Lindsay: Are you Tyler?

Noah: Did I get anything out of this experience? No. It was completely and totally uneventful.
Izzy: He kissed a guy!
Noah: No, I didn't!
Izzy: Yes, you did.
Noah: Didn't.
Izzy: Did!
Noah: Did! Not!
Izzy: Did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did!
Trent: Ahem. I can break this tie. He totally did.
[Flashback to Noah kissing Cody on the ear during the sleep challenge]
Noah: I have... no comment.

Chris: So Trent, if you could say something one to the five remaining campers, what would it be?
Trent: Uh, I guess I’d tell Gwen that I was rooting for her. And… I miss her. [flashback] I want you to be tough and fight ’til the end. For both of us. I’ll be watching and cheering for you back home. [In confessional] The fact that Gwen is so smart and independent, coupled with the fact that she’s incredible to look at, is just making me nuts! She rocks my world! So yeah, I’ll take a skunk shot for her any day. [real time] Hey, snagged you an extra muffin. [flashback ends] She’s special. And I think I’m in love with her.
Katie & Sadie: Aww!
Trent: I just hope she’s still not ticked at me about the Heather thing.
Izzy: I would be. If she were me, and you were still you, you would be seriously maimed.
Trent: Uh, that’s a little harsh.
Izzy: You kissed her mortal enemy!
Trent: It wasn’t my fault! I was tricked!
Izzy: Yeah, right. That’s what they all say! “My lips did what they wanted. My lips have a mind of their own. Blah, blah, blah, fish cakes, blah, blah, blah, I’m a liar. Blah, blah, blah.” Haha.
Trent: ...Okay.
Izzy: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. (pause) Ahh…
Noah: Ah!
Katie & Sadie: Ah!
Trent: Eww, Izzy!
Lindsay: That is so gross!
Izzy: What? It’s chlorinated. Sheesh. [goes back underwater]

Ezekiel: [about Heather] She was pretty bossy, eh?
Katie: Oh, she was so totally bossy.
Beth: Telling her off [flashes back to her standing up to Heather in the paintball deer hunting challenge] was the best moment of my life.
Sadie: If none of us even like her, how did Heather get into the final?
Eva: 'Cause she’s a conniving, backstabbing, little witch! That’s why!

Harold: Duncan? I hate that guy. [Flashbacks to him being picked on and pranked by Duncan] He made me pee my pants. He drew on my face with a marker. He strung my underwear up a flagpole, put hot sauce in them, and fed them to me for lunch in an underwear sandwich! He’s beyond annoying. Idiot!

Lindsay: Okay, let’s talk about Lefonda.
Everyone: Leshawna!
Harold: At first I thought she was real loud, but then I realized she’s my soulmate.
Courtney: I can’t say anything bad about her. And I excel at saying bad things about people.
Sadie: I think she is so fetch.
Katie: She has the best style. We’ve been friends since the beginning.
Noah: You weren’t even on the same team.
Katie: Irregardless.
Noah: She locked Heather in the fridge. Anyone who can come up with something like that gets my vote.

[Chris announced that a verbal vote-off would happen between the eliminated campers to decide who was going to be eliminated. However, he considered the mentioning of any contestants name as a vote.]
Chris: Here's how it's gonna work! There are no marshmallows. I'm gonna ask you, one by one, who you would like to see join you here tonight at Playa Des Losers. [eyeing the first of the voters] Katie and Sadie, since you share a brain, I'll ask you both. Who would you like to vote for?
Sadie: [giddily] Ohh! I miss Leshawna the most! [a bell dings signifying a vote against Leshawna]
Katie: Ohhh! It would be so much fun to have her here! Definitely Leshawna! [bell dings]
[Everyone gasps]
Courtney: Why are you voting her off!? If you like Leshawna, [bell dings] leave her in!
Chris: That's three votes: Leshawna.
Courtney: What? NO!
Harold: You're just voting off my girlfriend to spite me. [hits Courtney]
Courtney: Let go of me, you big geek!
[Harold and Courtney start having a slap fight, and eventually, fall into the pool]
Noah: [chuckles]Excellent!
Chris: Okay! Onto the next voter: Lindsay.
Lindsay: Don't worry! I'm not going to say Leshawna. [bell dings]
DJ: Lindsay!
Lindsay: No! You can't vote for me! You have to vote for someone who's in the final five, like Leshawna. [bell dings]
Izzy: Okay! C'mon, guys! NO ONE SAY "LESHAWNA"! [bell dings as Izzy gasps and covers her mouth]
Chris: [in background] That's six votes Leshawna.
Talking Parrot: Awk! Leshawna! [bell dings]
Everyone: NO!
Chris: Seven votes Leshawna.
Trent: Chris, that was a parrot! It doesn't even know who Leshawna is! [bell dings]
Talking Parrot: Awk! Polly want a Leshawna! [bell dings]
Chris: [enthusiastically] Nine! [Trent slaps his forehead]
[Leshawna gets shocked when she was voted off with nine "votes" and gets into the Boat of Losers by Chef]

Camp Castaways [1.23][edit]

[Mr. Coconut's elimination]
Owen: Oh no, you don't mean...
Chris: Yep. It's time for Mr. Coconut to walk the Dock of Shame.
Owen: But WHY?!
Chris: [takes Mr. Coconut away from Owen] Get it together, dude. You're starting to creep me out. [throws him away]
Heather: By the way, what we can can fest back there. Stays back there.
Duncan: Oh yeah.
Gwen: No argument.
Owen: [as Mr. Coconut is thrown into the lake] Don't worry Mr. Coconut. I shall never let go!

Are We There, Yeti? [1.24][edit]

[Duncan and Owen have a map, binoculars, bug spray and sleeping bag]
Owen: Yup, yup. It's all good except one thing's missing... foooooood!

[Duncan got eliminated instead of Owen because he caused all the trouble in the entire season]
Heather: What can I say? You could have scored an alliance with me, but you blew it.
Gwen: You played the game well. Sorry that you had to lose over a sticky bun.
Owen: I-I-I- [burps]
Duncan: Whatever.

Gwen: [confessional] I've got to admit, I didn't think I'd make it this far; but now that I have, I might as well win.

I Triple Dog Dare You [1.25][edit]

[Gwen spins first and gets Duncan]
Chris: Gwen, you can perform the dare yourself, or dare one of your competitors to do it. [chuckles] Either way, someone's licking some armpit in the next minute.
Gwen: I triple dog dare Heather.
Owen: You could imagine that you’re licking an ice cream cone.
Heather: Shut up, Owen!
Owen: Minus the BO.
Heather: I'm warning you! [she licks it]
Owen: Oh, and the pit hair.
[Heather gags]
Chris: Oh, man! That was so sick! I nearly puked! Nearly.

[Heather spins and gets Ezekiel]
Chris: Ezekiel's dare is, chew your own toenail. Slowly.
Heather: Gwen! I dare Gwen. Don’t choke on it, honey. [Gwen sits down, take off her shoe, Chef cuts a piece of her toenail, and begins to chew it slowly] Uh uh uh. He said chew it slowly.
Gwen: [gulps] There. Satisfied?
Heather: Very. I'm just picturing Trent watching this. And something tells me he won’t be eager to lock lips with you anytime soon.
Gwen: You should talk, pit breath.

[Owen spins and gets Beth]
Chris: Beth. Re-chewing a wad of Harold’s gum.
Owen: I will take the dare!
Gwen and Heather: Ew!
Chris: Dude. It's chewed gum. Harold's chewed gum.
Owen: I know. But it must be pretty special if he's saving it. [Chef takes out Harold's chewed gum and gives it to Owen as he eats it] Mm. Full body. A delicate fruity aroma with a hint of citrus. [laughs] Robust, yet balanced. Ooh! Summery. Ooh! And a crunchy center. [the scene does a close-up at Harold's face of him picking his nose as Chris and Chef pretend to gag as Owen blows and pops his old gum] Woohoo!
Chris: Owen wins the first freebie! And a tetanus shot! If you want.
Owen: Nah, I'm good. Thanks.

[Heather spins and gets Tyler and Chef pours nine spoonfuls of jelly into Owen's navel]
Owen: Sorry.
Heather: Shut up, Owen!
Owen: Twice in a row's gotta suck.
Heather: I mean it!
Owen: Especially since I never wash in there. [Heather gags] Not ’cause I don’t want to. I just forget. [Heather slurps] Hey! You didn’t puke this time! [Heather retches and vomits]
Chris: [to Chef] You still cool? [Chef nods, Heather was put on life support]

[Heather spins and gets Geoff]
Chris: Drink powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet. [Heater points to Gwen] Quite the predicament, Gwen. Do you use the freebie? Or do I save it for an even sicker dare down the road? What to do? What to do?
Gwen: [inhales] I'm going in.
Chris: [confessional] So freakin' sick. Chef’s going down. [in the toilet room with Chef and Gwen] No way. That’s so gross! [laughs]
[Gwen takes the straw and drinks powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet and starts to throw up. Both Chris and Chef were ready to do the same but they hold their mouths and swallow their vomit]

[Owen spins and gets Cody]
Chris: Eat dog food.
Owen: Yeah, baby! Man, sorry, guys. I keep getting all the good ones!
Chris: [chuckles] Okay! Down, boy! Heel! Dude, you have two freebies you can use. Better yet, you could dare an opponent. Like, say, one without a freebie?
Gwen: You still have a bit of jelly on your lower lip.
Heather: Oh, go stick your face back in the toilet.
Owen: It's cool, bro! My dog digs this food. Time to find out what I've been missing! Haha. [eats noisily] Meaty tasting.
[Chris is the first to puke, thus losing the bet. Chef is the next to vomit, followed by Gwen and Heather.]
Chris: [confessional] Okay. That was so gross! [vomits] Is there nothing these freaks won't do?

Heather: Hello? Ix-nay on the onspiracy-cay! That is totally unfair! Get out your rule book and do your rule checking thing! They're obviously gonna gang up and whoop me with dares! There as to be a rule about this kind of thing!
Chris: Sorry. Them’s the rules. Not a rule to be had. Nada. [Gwen spins the wheel and it lands on Courtney] Drink a blended purée of Chef's mystery meats.
Gwen: Eenie, meenie, minie, Heather!
[Heather drinks the blended purée and completes the dare. Later, it shows a montage of Heather doing dare after dare, which includes swimming in leeches, acting like a chicken, slapping herself, eating a cockroach, do the Princess and the Frog with Chef's socks and finally gets her head doused in pig feces and gets blasted out of a cannon into a pile of pig feces.]

[Gwen spins and gets Lindsay]
Heather: Finally I catch a break. There's no way Lindsay could think of anything bad.
Chris: Ooh, you're not gonna like this one. Have your head-shaved by Chef!
Heather: WHAT!?
Gwen: [gives Owen a high-five] Lindsay rules!
Chris: What's it gonna be Heather? Are you going to do the dare, or the Walk of Shame?
[Heather starts getting worried thinking about that razor, the Dock of Shame and the prize money, and Gwen and Owen are getting intense and then, Heather couldn't take it much longer and she kicks the razor and it flings in the air]
Heather: No! [the razor lands on her and she gets her head shaved and clumps of hair fly out as Heather gets bald] Huh? Wha?! Ugh!
Chris: Wow! Well that was an unfortunate accident... looks like Heather's out.
Heather: [after her head was shaved] What are you talking about? He shaved my head!
Chris: True, but you didn't actually accept the dare. If you had, you'd still be bald, but at least you'd be in the game!
Owen: That was harsh, tough break.
[Heather angrily screams as the birds fly even the eliminated contestants, a squirrel gets shocked too as well]
Chris: [as Heather grabs him by the shirt] Sorry. That's the rules.
Heather: [angrily] I thought you said there weren't any rules!
Chris: Yeah, I know. It's complicated. But here's the rub: you lose, they win.
Gwen and Owen: No way! [Owen gets up and dances] We won! Yes!
Heather: Fine, but you'll be hearing from my lawyers! [walks away]
Chris: Yeah, yeah. [gave Chef the keys] I know. It's gonna be a long ride.

Heather: [furious] A long ride to court, where I sue you for everything you've got!
Chris: And then there were two. Tune in to see who will win the check for $100,000,000 on Total Drama Island.
Heather: [furious] You want drama? You'll be penniless! Jobless! Your name will be mud on every blog from here to Cape Breton!

The Very Last Episode, Really! [1.26][edit]

[the finalists have a series of confessionals]
Owen: I had a WICKED time! (recap) It was awesome! (in the recap) Yeah! Who's the man?
Gwen: What was it like being here for 8 weeks? (recap) It sucked, that's what.
Chef Hatchet: You think it's easy cooking for 22 ungrateful teenagers? Man I've had better jobs in prison.
Owen: The food was awesome! (recap) Aah!
Chef Hatchet: At least someone's appreciative. Slavin' all day at the hot stove.
Gwen: The food... (recap) ...was disgusting.
Chef Hatchet: Less rat droplets. Does this look like a 5-star restaurant to you?
Owen: And the people were just awesome!
Gwen: The people here...sucked. They were nothing but a bunch of (recap) backstabbing, manipulative (Heather), two-timing (Trent), fame hungry (Justin), dim-witted (Lindsay), certifiably insane (Izzy), really weird (Harold), psychotic (Duncan), redneck (Ezekiel), overbearing (Eva), goody-goody (Courtney), know-it-all (Noah), party obsessed (Geoff), jerks. I was lucky enough to meet five people (Bridgette, Cody, DJ, Leshawna, Owen) who were actually sane.
Owen: The one thing I'll be remembered for? Uh...(recap; fart montage) I hope my great personality. (farts)
Gwen: What will I be remembered for? (recap) My great personality. Ok, I'm done here.

Owen: [hears his stomach rumbling] Oh. Oh, oh no! Quick! W-Where’s the bathroom out here?!
Chris: Owen, no! Not in the confession can!
[Izzy, Courtney, DJ, Duncan, and Geoff gasped]
Owen: [farting] Ahh… Haha.

Lindsay: Oh no! Gwen is winning! Our yacht party is in jeopardy!
Geoff: Dudes! We have to do something!
Izzy: Wait, I have a plan! Has anyone seen a really big electric fan here?
Chris: Sure. Got one in my trailer.
Geoff: You do?
Chris: Do you think I get this windblown look naturally?
Izzy: Get it, and meet me back here! Run!

Izzy: Hot brownies comin’ through. Lindsay, the fan! Now!
[when Lindsay turns a big electric fan on, it accidentally blows Heather's wig off instead]
Heather: Ahh! My wig! Can't you fools do anything right?!
Leshawna: [angry] Ooh, that's it! I've had about enough of that girl. [grunts as she grabs Heather to walk and throw her into confession can when it locked up]
Heather: [inside the confession; screaming] Let me out of here! Ugh! LeShawna! Oh my gosh… Owen! You are so gross!

[first winner of the series; Owen's ending]
Chris: Here we are at the last bonfire ever. After eight brutal weeks, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of Total Drama Island: Owen!
Owen: Hey, what can I say Chris? I'm so psyched! This is just...
Gwen, Trent, Leshawna and Tyler: Awesome?
Owen: Yes!

Geoff: Yo, Owen, do you know what it's time for? [Owen grins evilly at Chris]
Chris: No, no, guys... my hair! DUUUUUUUDES!!!
[gets thrown into the lake by Owen, Duncan and Geoff]
Chef: I've been wanting to do that all summer! How do you like that, pretty boy?! Huh?!
Geoff: Oh, Cheeeef...
Owen: [laughs] You're next, dude!

[Gwen's ending]
Chris: After eight grueling weeks, it is my pleasure to give this $100,000 check, to the last camper standing... Gwen! Gwen, at this time I give you the ultimate symbol of survival on this island: The final marshmallow.
Owen: Yeah, you deserve it! It's just such a bummer about the party...
Gwen: Well, after I pay for my tuition, there may be enough left over for a rockin' party... And everyone's invited! Everyone except Heather. :[Heather frowns]
Owen: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Party, anyway! Are you gonna bring someone...special, Gwen? Hey? Hey? Hey?
Gwen: [looks at Trent] If he'll go with me...?
Trent: So, does this mean...
Gwen: Oh, shut up, already. YES, I'll go out with you! [Gwen and Trent hug]

Total Drama Drama Drama Drama Island [Special][edit]

Heather: (Confessional) Okay, I know it may look like I'm desperate for a partner. But that's only because...okay, I'm desperate for a partner. But Harold? That is even worse than the mathletes! That's like...ugh...spending the afternoon with the Physics Club!

Noah: Sorry, I forgot my ROIDS at the gym!

[Courtney helps Duncan up]
Courtney: Ahh! Let's go get that million dollars! Yes! [Kisses Duncan]
Duncan: Looks like someone's got their mojo back!

Katie: Justin’s taking a long time.
Sadie: Let’s play Magic Square.
Katie: Oh, okay! Who will Katie hook up with tonight? Justin! Yay!
Sadie: Justin? But he has a crush on me!
Katie: Says who?
Sadie: Says the magic square! Watch! Who is Justin crushing on? Sadie!
Katie: [gasps] You fully stole him from me!
Sadie: Um, earth to Katie. I can’t steal someone who isn’t yours!
Katie: Um, earth to traitor. Just because Billy Carlisle liked me better in fourth grade?
Sadie: He did not like you better! You gave him your PB&J sandwich so he’d ask you to the dance! If I had PB&J that day or even just a P, he’d have taken me!
Katie: [gasps] That is it! We are so done as friends! [storms off]
Sadie: I don’t care because I’m SO much more done than you are! [storms off as well]

Eva: Watch it! It's a trap!
Noah: Justin. The anti-me. So we meet again.
Izzy: Whatever you guys do, don't look him in the eyes! He has powers.
Justin: Give me the case.
Izzy: Back off, really hot guy!
Justin: I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. (Takes off his shirt)

Leshawna: Hey, Heather! This is for calling me, a big-butted, loud-mouthed, mall-shopping, homegirl!

Geoff, Bridgette, Sadie, Katie, Cody, DJ, Tyler, and Owen: Whoa... whoa...
Courtney: Hey suckers! I'll call you from my hot tub phone at my new mansion in-- What?! [gasps and screams]

Cody: Courtney, save us! Pull us up!
Courtney: Give me the case, and I will!
Tyler: No way!
Courtney: Okay then! (Goes higher)
DJ: You wouldn't let us fall to our deaths!
Courtney: Oh yes, I would! I don't even like you very much!

Chris: So, you lost the case! Way to go! I didn't wanna have to do this! But, since none of the fourteen of you officially won, you officially tie!

[Cody, Tyler, Noah, Ezekiel, Courtney, Katie, Sadie and Eva arrived on the docks very late]
Chris: As for the rest of you, your treasure hunt ends here! Along with all your hopes of ever winning any money off of being on this show. The good news though, you'll be watching all the action of season two from the sidelines!
Courtney: Wait a minute! I wanna be on season two!
Chris: Uh-tut-tut-tit! Fine print!
Courtney: [Confessional, furious about not qualifying for season 2] Oh, That is it! If they thought they knew they were in trouble before, they're in huge trouble now!

Chris: In exactly two days, you will all report to a brand new location for a whole new challenge and the last one standing will receive $1,000,000! So don't forget to tune in to Total Drama Action!

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