Beavis and Butt-head (season 6)
Beavis and Butt-head (1993–1997, 2011) was an American animated television series that originally aired on the cable television channel MTV. It followed the misadventures of two teenagers, Beavis and Butt-head. Season six originally aired from 31 October 1995 to 7 March 1996.
"Bungholio: Lord of the Harvest" [HW.1]
"The Mystery of Morning Wood" [6.01]
"US History" [6.02]
- Daria: And when this "magic bullet" went into the President's chest, it had to make a sharp turn in order to exit his body from the neck. Then it would have had to turn right, then left, and somehow have enough energy to hit the Governor in the front seat. Clearly, the assassination was a conspiracy.
- Mr. Van Driessen: Thank you, Daria. That gave me the chills. Folks, these have been some of the best oral reports I have ever heard!
- Butt-head: Huhuhuh…oral.
- Beavis: Yeah, heheh, I'm going to do an anal report.
- Daria: You guys will never graduate.
- Butt-head: Uhh…never masturbate?
- Daria: Graduate! It's when you're all done with school.
- Beavis: You mean, like, school ends?
- Mr. Van Driessen: That's right, Beavis. When you finish high school, you'll never have to take another class if you don't want to. But that's not going to happen if you don't give your oral report right now.
- Beavis: My report, is on the time, me and Butt-head had like, dinner and stuff.
- Mr. Van Driessen: Now, Beavis, what does that have to do with American hist—
- Beavis: [angrily] Shut up, I'm not done yet!
- Mr. Van Driessen: Now, Butt-head, please make your report about a figure in American history.
- Butt-head: Uhh. Okay. Uhh, my report is, uhh, my report is about the time I kicked Beavis in the nads and he was, like, passed out all day.
"Feel a Cop" [6.03]
- [Beavis and Butt-head walk up to a female police officer who is posing as a prostitute]
- Butt-head: Hey, baby…so, like, how much?
- Officer: Fifty.
- Butt-head: Cool. Beavis, do you have fifty cents?
- [Cops are listening in on Beavis and Butt-head from a van outside]
- Beavis: [on the radio] Wow Butt-head check out the size of that rubber.
- Cop: Come on make a spacific offer for sex.
- Butt-head: [on the radio] That's a shower cap dumbass.
"Date Watchers" [6.04]
- [Beavis and Butt-head are watching Mr. Van Driessen and his girlfriend through the window]
- Butt-head: Grab his schlong!
"Blood Pressure" [6.05]
- Butt-head: I'll trade you for these diapers. You can poop in them.
"Beavis and Butt-head Do Christmas" [CS.2]
- Butt-head: You're not suppose to touch him, Beavis. It's, like, against the law or something…
"Stewart Is Missing" [6.08]
- Stewart's Mom: It's not like Stewart to miss lunch!
- Beavis: I bet. He's fat.
- Butt-head: Maybe he has diarrhea.
- Stewart's Mom: [crying] He does NOT have diarrhea. I'm his mother, I would know if he had diarrhea.
- Beavis: Have you looked in the garbage can?
- Stewart's Mom: [crying] Oh no, you…
- Butt-head: Beavis, you dumbass, why'd you tell her that? … Stewart doesn't fit in a garbage can, dumbass, remember? If you wanted to put Stewart in a garbage can, you'd have to like, cut him up into little pieces.
- Stewart's Mom: My poor Stewart! What could have happened to him?
- Beavis: um…Maybe somebody killed him and burried him in a shallow grave. [Stewart's mom sobs louder] Um…what's the matter?
- Stewart's Mom: Stewart! My little Stewart!
- Butt-head: You have a little Stewart, too?
"Gang of Two" [6.09]
- Mr. Van Driessen: Now, Beavis and Butt-head, if you could grow any type of food, what would you grow?
- Beavis: Heh heh. Um…nachos.
- Butt-head: Nachos aren't a plant, dumbass. They, like, make 'em from stuff.
- Mr. Van Driessen: That's right, Butt-head. And corn is an excellent choice. Or, as the Native Americans call it, "maize".
- Beavis: No, no, no. We want to grow nachos.
- Mr. Van Driessen: In a few months, Beavis, when the corn grows, you'll be able to make your own nachos.
- Beavis: Yeah, but we can go to Maxi-Mart and get some right now.
- Butt-head: Yeah, but this is school. They have to do everything ass-backwards.
"Prank Call" [6.11]
- Butt-head: [reading the phone book] Uhm…Sa-Sachz…Ha…rry…Hairy Sack. [laughs]
- Beavis: Harry Sack! [laughs]
- Harry: [answering his phone] Um…hello…?
- Beavis: Uh…uh…you suck! [toilet flushes]
- Harry: [answering the phone] Yeah?
- [Butt-head manages to do number two whilst on the phone; toilet flushes]
- Beavis: [in the background] It's Harry Sachz!
- [the boys have just prank called Harry Sachz, and Harry calls them back']
- Butt-head: Uh, hello?
- Harry Sachz: Hey, congratulations. You just won yourself a free pizza.
- Butt-head: Cool!
- Harry Sachz: We'll be happy to deliver it right over to your house. What's your address?
- Butt-head: Uhh…
- Harry Sachz: You don't know your own address?
- Butt-head: Uhh…
- Harry Sachz: Uh, tell you what. Do you have any mail around? Read me the address off of that.
- Butt-head: Hey, do we have any, like, mail around?
- Beavis: Uh, let's see. Just that stuff we took out of Stewart's mailbox.
- Butt-head: [into phone] Uh, okay.
- Harry Sachz: Good. Now, what does it say?
- Butt-head: Uh, Stewart Stevenson, uh, 67 Maple Street. Now hurry up and get that pizza over here. I'm hungry.
- [Butt-head hangs up, then Harry Sachz does and breaks his pencil while laughing]
- [Stewart is playing a video game in the living room, when his mother brings him cookies]
- Mrs. Stevenson: Care for some cookies, Stewart?
- Stewart: All right! Thanks, Mom.
- [Harry Sachz busts down the front door and grunts]
- Mrs. Stevenson: [gasps]
- Harry Sachz: You little worm. Was it you? Was it?
- Stewart: Ahh, ahh, I didn't do anything. (screaming)
- Mr. Stevenson: Damn it, what's all the noise in here? I'm on the phone-- Oh, my god.
- Harry Sachz: It was you, wasn't it? I'll kill you!
- Mr. Stevenson: Damn it, operator—Ah, no! Ahh! Ow!
- [Harry lunges at Mr. Stevenson and pulls him by the ankles]
- Mr. Stevenson: Hey, this is between you and Stewart. Get him! Ahh! Please! [Mr. Stevenson is given a bog-wash by Harry]
- Harry Sachz: You like the way that sounds, funny man?
- Mr. Stevenson: No! You must mean Stewart! Aah!
- Harry Sachz: [after giving a bog-wash to Mr. Stevenson] Listen very carefully, funny man! If you ever, ever, call me again, I swear I'll find you, where ever you are, and I'll gut you! [undoes Mr. Stevenson's pants] And just to be sure you don't call me, I'm gonna stick your phone where you're gonna have an awful hard time dialing it!
- Mr. Stevenson: No, please, no… [Sachz shoves phone up Mr. Stevenson's anus] Aaaaaaaaah!
"No Service" [6.12]
- [on the phone]
- Butt-head: Uhh, what?
- Manager: [over the phone] This is your boss at Burger World. We're having an extremely busy lunch, I need one of you to come down to Burger World
- Butt-head: Uhh, I'm like, busy watching TV.
- Manager: Well, then, let me talk to the other one.
- Butt-head: Uhh, okay. [does a bad impression of Beavis] Uh huh huh huh. Like, hi, this is Beavis, uh huh huh huh, yeah, huh huh huh. I'll be right in, sir, yeah, huh huh huh huh. You can always, like, count on me, sir, huh huh huh huh. [hangs up] Hey Beavis, that was that manager dude at Burger World. He says you have to go to work right now.
- Beavis: No way! That sucks! It sucks! Hey, how come you don't have to go to work?
- Butt-head: Because I'm, like, busy watching TV.
- Beavis: Oh yeah. This sucks
- Customer: I want a bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo, a want a large chocolate shake, two orders of onion rings, an apple pie, and a diet cola.
- Beavis: You said 'pie.' That's funny, right?
- [the pair arrive at Mr. Anderson's yard sale]
- Mr. Anderson: I can get you a real good deal on that bushwhacker.
- [Beavis and Butt-head start laughing]
- Butt-head: Bush.
- Beavis: Whacker.
- [the pair receive a letter that's supposed to be for their parents]
- Beavis: Maybe we can suggest that school sucks. Sucks! Sucks!
- Butt-head: Or maybe we can suggest that we can get a teacher that's cool.
- Mr. Van Driessen: Okay, class. I'm very disappointed with your test scores.
- Butt-head: We scored.
Mr. Van Driessen' thats the thing butthead you didnt score you got a 0. Now i know you guys are smart enough so i guess the problem lies elsewear
"Shopping List" [6.16]
- [Mr. Anderson has just given the pair a shopping list]
- Butt-head: Would you like some toilet paper?
- Beavis: [as Cornholio] TP, for your bunghole!
- [Butt-head places six cans of non-alcoholic beer on the register stand]
- Cashier: Yeah, Can I help you?
- Butt-head: Yeah. We're going to buy this beer and get drunk.
- Cashier: Yeah? Well, you can't buy beer unless you're 21. Lemme see some ID.
- Butt-head: Oh. Uh…well…uh…uh…uh…huh huh…we left our IDs in the truck.
- Beavis: Yeah yeah. Truck.
- [cashier checks the contents of beverage which says "Contains no alcohol"]
- Cashier: Oh, you guys are buying that pee-water. I guess I can sell that crap to you.
- Butt-head: That's right. You can sell it to us. [chuckles] We're old.
- [after the boys fail a field soberioty test]
- Officer: Yep, you boys are definitely intoxicated. I'm gonna have to confiscate your beverages and bring you downtown.
- Butt-head: Oh yeah. We don't wanna forget the beer.
- Officer: [reads on back of beer] Hey, wait a minute: this stuff's non-acoholic. You guys aren't drunk, you're just stupid.
- Mike Judge—Beavis
- Mike Judge—Butt-head
- Adam Welsh—Stewart Stevenson
- Tracy Grandstaff—Daria Morgendorffer
- Mike Judge—Thomas T. "Tom" Anderson
- Mike Judge—David Van Driessen