Beavis and Butt-head Do America

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Beavis and Butt-head Do America is a 1996 American animated road comedy film, based on the TV series Beavis and Butt-head.  It was produced by Paramount Pictures in association with Geffen Pictures and MTV Films, and co-written and directed by creator Mike Judge.

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Agent Bork[edit]

  • Chief, this just came in.  Two days ago, Express Airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself Cornholio.  Guess who matches the description.

Agent Flemming[edit]

  • Well, look what we have here.  You two make me sick.  Book 'em, Bork.

Muddy Grimes[edit]

  • [about to kill Beavis and Butt-head when he realized he mistook them for hitmen after he found them in the desert] Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
  • [about kill Beavis and Butt-head when he realized he mistook them for hitmen after he found them in the desert] I'm gonna blow you both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!

Dallas Grimes[edit]

  • 10 Grand. Oh, that Cheap-Ass.

Beavis[edit]

  • Are you threatening me?  I am Cornholio!
  • I am the great Cornholio!  I'm a gringo!  I have no bunghole.
  • I am Cornholio!  You will cooperate with my bunghole!  For there is but one bunghole: the almighty bunghole.
  • Hey Butthead, this book is pretty cool. There's a naked chick, a talking snake, and this dude wears a leaf over his schlong.

Butt-head[edit]

  • Hey, baby.  I noticed you have braces.  I have braces, too.
  • This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
  • Hey, Beavis. Check it out. I'm jacking off.
    • After discovering a car jack in the trunk of Muddy's car
  • The sun sucks.

Dialogue[edit]

Beavis: Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair. We've traveled, um, a hundred miles 'cause we thought we were gonna score. But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it!
Bus Driver: Hey, buddy, sit down.
Beavis: Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're never gonna score. It's just not gonna happen! We're just gonna get old like these people... but they've probably scored!
Bus Driver: Hey, I'm warning you! SIT DOWN!
Beavis: [motioning to Martha] It's, like, this chick's a slut. And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times!
Old Guy: [nodding] Oh, yeah.
Beavis: But not us. We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score!
Bus Driver: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, NUMB-NUTS! ONCE MORE AND I'LL--UNH!
Beavis: KICK YOUR ASS!

David VanDriessen: You know, this could be really positive experience for you guys. There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover we don't need TV to entertain us.
Butt-head: Uh-huh huh huh! He said "anus"!
Beavis: "Entert-ain us", "ainus". Oh yeah! *laughs*
David VanDriessen: *sigh* Have you guys heard a word I've said?
Butt-head: Uhhh, yeah! Anus! *laughs*
Beavis: Yeah! I heard it too! *laughs*
David VanDriessen: You know, this could be a real positive experience for you guys. There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover that we don't need TV to entertain us.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh. He said, "Anus."
Beavis: Entertain us, anus. Oh, yeah.
David VanDriessen: Have you guys heard a word I've said?
Butt-head: Uh, yeah. Anus.
Beavis: [chuckling] Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I heard it, too.
David VanDriessen: Look, guys, just take the TV back to the AV room right now. And try to be a little more open to life's experiences, okay?
Butt-head: What a dork.
Butt-head: [Beavis and Butt-Head roll the TV out of the school, it falls down the stairs and breaks] That was cool. Huh huh huh.
Beavis: No, it wasn't.
Butt-head: Uh, oh, yeah.

Tom Anderson: [driving by in his camper trailer] Something wrong, Officer?
ATF Agent: [holds up a picture of Beavis & Butt-head] Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives.
Tom Anderson: Well, I'll be danged. That's them two kids that have been whacking in my camper.
ATF Agent: You saw these two?
Tom Anderson: I sure did. Boy, I've never seen two kids do so much damned whacking.
ATF Agent: [speaking on his walkie-talkie] This is post 9; I have positive ID.
Tom Anderson: Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spider monkeys, I'll tell ya that.
ATF Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle.
Tom Anderson: Well now, wait a minute. Me and the Mrs. here are on our way to Washington D.C., and–
ATF Agent: [points a gun at Tom Anderson] NOW!!
Tom Anderson: Now, wait right there. You're dealing with a veteran of 2 foreign wars. They're the one been whackin'. I find anything broken in there, you and I gonna tangle.
Agent Flemming: Masturbating in the man's camper. We're dealing with two sick individuals. I want that camper torn apart, full cavity searches all around. Something tells me he could be involved.
Tom Anderson: What in the hell--now wait just a minute!
Agent Bork: Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, express airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself "Cornholio." Guess who matches the description?
Agent Flemming: Finally, a real break. Get me that flash point of origin. We're gonna kick some ass.

Muddy Grimes: Well, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
Butt-head: I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again: boobs.
Muddy Grimes: I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
Butt-head: Cool. Whoa. Hey, Beavis, that's that dude who's paying us to do his wife.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Um, can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, you know, um... heh heh. You know.
Muddy Grimes: Washington? That's where she's gonna meet up with you? You know, I just might need you boys, after all. All right. Get in the trunk. Both of you. NOW!!
Butt-head: Boy, it sure is hard to score.
Beavis: Yeah, really.

Concierge: [leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room] I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. We didn't realize you were registered guests. If there's anything we can do to...
Beavis: [sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it] Damn it. This thing is stuck.
Concierge: Sir, it's attached to the...
Butt-head: You dumb-ass, let me try.
Beavis: [stops] Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
Butt-head: Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
Beavis: Really? Cool! Neat!
Dallas Grimmes: [Grabs Beavis and Butthead and holds a gun on them] Alright who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
Beavis: Hey Butthead it's her!
Butt-head: Whoa! Uh, huh huh hey baby are we like, going to do it? Uh,huh,huh huh.
Dallas Grimmes: [cocks the gun] You got two seconds!
Butt-head: Uh, is that going to be enough time?
Dallas Grimmes: [grabs him and pulls him up to her] Who sent you?
Butt-head: Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was going to pay us to do you?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah! [laughs]
Dallas Grimmes: Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he paying you?
Butt-head: Uh... 10, uh... [Dallas Grimmes mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for hit men who are hunting her]
Dallas Grimmes 10 grand? [scoffs] Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
Butt-head: You want us to do a guy? No way.
Beavis: I don't know, Butt-Head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.

Beavis: I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.

Beavis: This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.
Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.

Butt-head's Dad: Hey, one of you bastards got a match?
Butt-head: Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.

Butt-head: [dying in the desert] Whoa, I think my life is, like, flashing in front of my eyes. [shows Beavis and Butt-head from infancy to now, sitting on the couch, giggling and watching TV] Whoa. My life was cool.

Butt-head's Dad: [sitting around a camp fire eating beans] Hey, you want to see something really cool? [farts over camp fire which creates a fiery mushroom cloud]
Beavis: FIRE!

[checking out Chelsea Clinton]
Butt-head: Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces too.

Butt-head: Whoa, cool. Hey, can I have a gun, too?

Marcie Anderson: They're here to look at the TV, Tom.
Tom Anderson: What? The TV ain't broken.
Beavis: Uh, yeah it is.

Little Old Lady: Oh, hello, there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
Beavis: Yeah. We're gonna score.
Little Old Lady: Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
Little Old Lady: Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
Beavis: Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
Butt-head: Cool.
Little Old Lady: It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Beavis: Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
Little Old Lady: Well, that's nice.

Little Old Lady: Yoohoo! Travis and Bob Head! Hello!

Beavis: Yeah, this is her.
Little Old Lady: Oh, she looks lovely.
Beavis: I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, uh... you know, heh heh, get down.
Little Old Lady: I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
Little Old Lady: Oh. Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
Beavis: I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.
Little Old Lady: Tired? Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear. I have just the thing for ya. Here, take a couple of these. They perk me right up.
Beavis: Thanks. Tastes like crap. What else ya got?
Little Old Lady: Oh, go right ahead. Help yourself.
Butt-head: So, uh, huh huh... goin' to Las Vegas?
Girl: Hi. We're serving dinner now. Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo.
Beavis: Piccata. Titicaca....
Man: Excuse me? Does the gumbo have corn in it?
Beavis: I am Cornholio. I need piccata for my bung-hole.
Girl: You'll have to wait your turn, sir.
Beavis: Are you threatening me? My bung-hole will not wait. Bungholio.
Butt-head: Uh, hey, I got a beer. Want some?
Pilot: Get the hell out of the cockpit!
Butt-head: Huh huh, you said...
Pilot: Now!

Beavis: Are you threatening ME?

Butt-head: [eight M-16 assault rifles are pointed at him] This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

[finds a switch in Hoover Dam labeled "Master Station Control" and tries to read it]
Butt-head: Uh, Master-a... Masturbation Control? [flicks the switch several times, making the lights in Las Vegas turn on and off]
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out! I'm masturbating.

Little Old Lady: [to her husband] I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes: Is that a promise?
Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. Scum, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Agent Bork: Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
Agent Bork: We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?

Beavis: Check it out, Butt-Head, Porta-potties.
Butt-head: Cool. I gotta take a dump. [they go inside confession booths]
Butt-head: Uh... Where's the toilet? [in a church confession booth]
Man: I'm sorry. How many Hail Marys?
Beavis: A thousand. And I want you to hit yourself, right now.
Man: Um, now?
Beavis: Yeah. Do it. [the man hits himself]
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harder.

Butt-head: [Butthead dreams that he's a giant and grabs a woman from a building] Uh, hey baby, I'm like pretty tall, uh huh huh huh [a helicopter shoots at him] Damnit cut it out, I'm trying to score! [Punches it]

Butt-head: It's like it's coming out of its ass, but then it's, like, also coming out of the ass of the ass.
Beavis: It's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass. Yeah.

Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
Beavis: Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.

[Arriving at the Hoover Dam]
Beavis: We're in Washington.
Butt-head': Yeah, yeah, we're gonna score.
Little Old Lady: Actually, son, we're at the Hoover Dam.
Beavis: No, no. We're in WASHINGTON!
Butt-head: Yeah. WE'RE GONNA SCORE NOW!

Beavis: [starting to hallucinate] Hey Butt-head I'm starting to feel weird, I think I'm freaking out!
Butt-head: Uh?, Okay.
Beavis: This is cool! It's like everything's all weird and stuff, there's like all these weird shapes, it's sort of like, it's like... um like a music video! [hallucinates that Butt-head is melting and demons are crawling out of his body] Woah, what are you doing Butt-head?, stop it you're freaking me out, cut it out!

Beavis: [after spitting soda on Mr. Anderson's TV] Aaaahh! This crap is warm!
Butt-head: Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
Beavis: Aaah, no! Dammit!

[noticing the open door, the stolen T.V., and the broken window]
Butt-head: Whoa. I think just figured something out, Beavis.
Beavis: What?
Butt-head: This sucks.
Beavis: Yeah. It really sucks.
Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.

Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, do you think we're ever going to score?
Butt-head: Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey.
Beavis: Shut up, dillhole.
Butt-head: Butt dumpling.
Beavis: Turd burglar.
Butt-head: Uhhh... ass goblin.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street?
Butt-head: Uh, yep.
Beavis: 'Cause, um, I just need to stop by his toolshed for a few minutes.
Butt-head: [giggles] Tool.
Beavis: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!

[in the trunk of Muddy's car, Butt-head finds a tire jack and begins pumping the handle]
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out. I'm jacking off.

Butt-head: Uh, do you know where Washington is?
Petrified Forest Recording: [Pointing to the desert] Uh, yeah. About two thousand miles that way.
Beavis: Thanks.
Agent Flemming: Didn't see which way they went. Didn't see their vehicle. I don't suppose you tried to stop them.
Park Ranger: The most dangerous guys in America? No, thank you. I make $9.00 an hour.
Agent Flemming: National Security is the responsibility of every American. Bork...
Agent Bork: Cavity search?
Agent Flemming: Deep and hard.
Agent Bork: Agent Hurly.
Agent Flemming: They're not gonna get away this time. I want roadblocks every road out of here for 200 miles.

Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.

Agent Fleming: Shut up! You've been harboring two criminal masterminds.
Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
Agent Fleming: Bork, you're a Federal Agent. You represent the United States government. Never end a sentence with a preposition.
Agent Bork: Oh, uh... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
Agent Fleming: That's better. Yes?
Agent Bork: We've run a sample through the national criminal sperm bank and come up with 2 possible genetic matches for a father. Former motley crue roadies turned drifters.

Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
Beavis: Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.

Agent Bork: They're not on the bus.
Agent Flemming: These people know something. I want full cavity searches--everyone. Go deep on 'em
Agent Bork: Agent Hurly.
Agent Flemming: I tell you, Bork, these guys are smart, damn smart. They're probably a hundred miles away by now.

Hoover Dam Guide: Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas?
Beavis: Yeah, I just have a question. Um, is this a God dam? You know, god damn. You know?
Hoover Dam Guide: If you'll follow me this way.
Butt-head: This is dumb. Let's go find that chick.
Beavis: Yeah. Enough of this crap. Whoa. Check it out, Butt-head, TV!
Butt-head: Cool.
Man #1: I gotta hit the head. Can you get me some coffee?
Man #2: All right.
Agent Flemming: Talk to me, Bork.
Agent Bork: Chief, we found a witness that says he saw 2 teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived.
Agent Flemming: Did you give him a full cavity search?
Agent Bork: Uh... the witness?
Agent Flemming: Yes. You can never be too careful, Bork.
Agent Bork: Well, sir, I didn't really think it was necessary. You see, we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam. Here. Have a look.
Agent Flemming: What the hell?
Agent Bork: They look like a couple of kids, Chief.
Agent Flemming: Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of? Don't you read the papers? What the...?

Butt-head: All they have is these shows about water.
Beavis: Yeah, really. Maybe need some shows about fire.
Butt-head: What are you doing, Beavis?
Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt.
Butt-head: Your butt sucks.
Beavis: Hey, how come there's no sound?
Butt-head: I'll fix it.

[Getting back on the bus]
Butt-head: Wait a minute. We can't leave Washington till we find that chick.
Little Old Lady: Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. This is the Hoover Dam.
Beavis: Dam? Heh heh. I'll be damned.
Dallas Grimmes: You boys better show up.
Agent Flemming: Do you see what I see, Bork?
Agent Bork: I see it. I just don't get it.
Agent Flemming: You got half the state looking for you. How do you get away?
Agent Bork: Cut to power!
Agent Flemming: Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion: terrorists. What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
Agent Bork: Well, sir, it's not good. Roll the tape. The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon - a man-made virus, the deadliest known to man. It could wipe out 5 states in 5 days. Here's what happened when it was tested on a group army recruits. Look at these guys, Chief. This thing is a veritable Doomsday device.
Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands...
Agent Bork: It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus.
Agent Flemming: OK, people, as of right now, these are the most dangerous men in America. I want these faces in front of every fed and 2-bit sheriff within a thousand miles. The orders are dead or alive. Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.

Muddy: You guys are late.
Butt-head: Really? Did we miss Baywatch?
[after Beavis and Butt-head enter the motel room]
Muddy Grimmes: Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?
Butt-head: Uh, Butt-head.
Beavis: Oh, I'm Beavis.
Muddy Grimmes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy. Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her.
Butt-head: Uh, do her?
Muddy Grimmes: That's right, do her. I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. We got a deal?
Beavis: Actually, we just want to watch TV.
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis. Uh... Yeah, we'll do your wife.
Beavis: No! I wanna watch TV!
Butt-head: [slaps Beavis] Damn it, Beavis, you butt-munch. This guy wants us to score with his wife, and he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV.
Beavis: Really? Cool.
Butt-head: Uh, we'll do it, sir.
Muddy Grimmes: Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. [showing a photo of Dallas] Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.
Butt-head: Whoa. Uh huh huh huh. Cool.
Muddy Grimmes: She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas. I got you a room right next to hers. Your flight leaves in an hour. Come on. I'll drive you to the airport.

Muddy: Now, you listen to me, and this is real important. My wife's got this leather satchel. It's a black bag about this big. I need you to bring it back, boys. Sentimental value, you know what I mean? Any questions so far?
Butt-head: Uh, does she have big hooters?
Muddy Grimmes: Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does. Ha ha...
Butt-head: This is gonna be cool.
Beavis: Y-Y-Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing.
Muddy Grimmes: Heh heh heh... Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? Now, don't let me down.

Tom Anderson: Boy, I tell you what, it really makes ya proud. I could stay in here all day.
FBI Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle.

Man: Where the hell is he?
Earl Hofert: You sure this is the right place? Your Muddy?
Muddy Grimes: What are you, the cops?
Earl Hofert: Uh, no. Earl sent us. You know, to take care of your wife.
Muddy Grimes: What? Take care... What the hell are you talkin' about? Who were those other two clowns?
Earl Hofert: Huh?
Muddy Grimes: Aghh... god damn it! She did it to me again! I'm gonna go to Vegas, and I'm gonna kill all three of them!
Earl Hofert: Hey, I noticed your TV was broken. You want to buy a new one? Just leave it. Worthless piece of crap.
Man: Yeah, really, man. We gotta start stealin' from rich people.

Ranger at Old Faithful: There are over 200 active geysers in Yellowstone Park. Old Faithful here is one of the largest. During an eruption, the geyser can reach as high as 200 feet.
Butt-head: So?
Ranger at Old Faithful: The - the geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons in a single eruption.
Beavis: That's not that much, really.
Butt-head: Yeah, really. Let's get out of here. Uh-huh-huh-huh.

Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, are we gonna die?
Butt-head: Uh... Probably.

Tom Anderson: Boy, what I wouldn't give for 5 minutes alone with them 2 little bastards?

Lady in News: Well, Bob, the news out here is not good. Authorities are calling this the worst highway disaster in the Nation's history. Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck.
Agent Bork: Chief, look!
Lady in News: No one knows what caused it, but police have not ruled out...
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
Agent Bork: Where did these guys come from?
Agent Flemming: The question is, where are they going?
Man in News: In other news, G-Pac is set to begin at 2 P.M. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
Agent Flemming: What the hell? Bork! That bus we picked up, where was it hiding?
Agent Bork: Uh, D.C., Chief.
Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-up-- Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our Nation's capitol? Or even worse! If they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? Well, it's not going to happen!

[after apprehending Butt-head]
Agent Fleming: Agent Hurly, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search. I'm talking Roto-Rooter. Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth.

Butt-head: [over loudspeaker] Uh, attention. Attention. We're looking for the chick with big boobs.
Beavis: [over loudspeaker] Yeah. We are ready to do you now.
Butt-head, Beavis: Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Senators: Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh.

Agent Flemming: Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book 'em, Bork.
Dallas Grimmes: You don't have anything on us, and you know it.
Agent Flemming: Oh, I don't, huh? How about lewd conduct? Maybe indecent exposure. Here's what's gonna happen. One of you is going to make a deal and get me the unit. The other can spend the next 60 years in jail.
Muddy Grimmes: That's where you're wrong, boy. Me and my wife are back together, and you will never...
Dallas Grimmes: He stole the unit! Said he put it in some kid's pants.
Muddy Grimmes: Why you damn LITTLE FOUR-LEGGED-- HEY! TAKE IT EASY! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR...

Tom Anderson: What in the hell is that damn noise? [goes inside his camper and sees Beavis] What?
Beavis: Hey, how's it going?
Tom Anderson: Pull your damn pants up, boy! I don't want to see that. Damn it, get out of here!
Tom Anderson: [throws Beavis out of camper] And if I ever catch you whacking in here again, I'm gonna hogtie you.

Tom Anderson: Take your damn pants with you!
Agent Flemming: Hold your fire.
Tom Anderson: What the hell!
Agent Bork: The pants! He's got the unit!
Agent Flemming: Drop the pants, now!
Tom Anderson: Now wait a minute. I ain't the one...
Butt-Head: Here you go.
Tom Anderson: Now wait just a minute, mister!
ATF Agent: Sir take a look at this.
Agent Bork: How do you explain this?
Tom Anderson: What the hell are you talking about?
Agent Flemming: So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh?
Tom Anderson: Look, I already told you I don't know what the hell this is about.
Agent Flemming: Take him away.
Tom Anderson: Hey! Get your damn hands off me! Goddamnit hey damn it You don't know who you're dealing I'm a veteran of two foreign wars! I ain't the one been...
Beavis: I always thought there was something wrong with him.
Butt-Head: Yeah he had a lot of problems.
Beavis: He used to hit me, too.
Butt-Head: Hey, does anyone want to see my unit?

President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh huh. He said, "extend."
Beavis: Oh, yeah.

Voice cast[edit]

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