The Brak Show
The Brak Show is one of Cartoon Network's 15-minute animated series that aired during Adult Swim. It was a spin-off of Space Ghost Coast to Coast featuring recurring characters from that show and Cartoon Planet, both of which used stock footage from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon Space Ghost and Dino Boy. The protagonist is a Space Ghost villain named "Brak", voiced by Andy Merrill, who developed a quirky persona for the character.
Mr. Bawk Ba Gawk
- Brak: Hello, Mr. Thundercleese!
- Thundercleese: Are you here to destroy my lawn?!
- Brak: I beg your pardon, we would never do that! Would we, Zorak?
- Zorak: [jackhammering Thundercleese's lawn] What's that? Can't hear ya!
- Father: Brak, do you have something you would like to tell me?
- Brak: Do you want the truth or my side of the story?
- Thundercleese: [In Brak's head] Three hams will fill him, three hams will thrill him, Why don't you feed him, three hams!
- Zorak: [to Brak's family] Hey why are you all still alive? Oh that's right, it's only Tuesday.
- Zorak: So what are we going to see?
- Brak: "Hot Dog In The Morning". This is the one where the little hot dog finds his way home.
- Zorak: Far out!
- Mom: Well, what have you boys been up to all weekend?
- Brak: We've been playing "Head Kicker!"
- Zorak: I've been playin'; YOU've been getting a red-ass beatdown! HAHA!!"
- Zorak: We'd need a freaking time machine!
- Brak: Yeah, like the one in Mr. Thunderclese's back yard.
- Zorak: What?
- Brak: 'Course, he's on vacation...
- Brak: Hey, Zorak, can I ask you a question?
- Zorak: Yeah, what?
- Brak: Where are we gonna find enough squirrels to make a kite?
- Zorak: Are you really that stupid?
- Brak: Oh ha! I dare you to say that again! Only this time say, "Brak I love you!"
- Dad: Life is too short to worry about eating and making kites out of animals.
War Next Door
- Zorak: Welcome home, jackass.
- Brak: Guess what I'm going to be for the talent show?
- Zorak: I don't know, a loser?
- Brak: No. I'm going to be a potato and sing the potato song.
- Zorak: Ugh, I can't wait not to hear it.
- Brak: What do you mean? Aren't you going to be there?
- Zorak: Oh I'll be there. Heh, I'll be there. [Fantasizes that he is burning the talent show with a flamethrower and laughing maniacally / Brak running saying "Hot potato coming through"] Burn! BURN!
- Thundercleese: I never saw him again.
- Brak: Did you ever see him again?
- Thundercleese: Did I not just say that I didn't?
- Mother: I think there's something wrong with Brak.
- Dad: There's something wrong with everyone.
- Brak: I don't want to live anymore.
- Dad: Ah, finally my own office! You see, Mother, told you if we wait, we wouldn't have to add-on!
- Zorak: [about Mobab] Hahaha. Ain't he a riot? I met him at the club!
- Mobab: Yes, the gentleman's club. Gentlemen only, please.
- Brak: Can I join too? I'm a gentleman. Watch this: [with a British accent] Allow me to peel your biscuit, grand-mama.
- Mobab: I'm sorry, but Zorak took the last available membership following the untimely passing of Colonel Noseworthy.
- Zorak: Yeah, it took him all night to die. [chuckles]
- Mobab: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mobab von Hoffman. Perhaps you've heard of me.
- Brak: I sure have. Just a second ago when you said, "I am Mobab von Hoffman"!
- Mobab: You're not very bright, are you?
- Brak: Who wants to know?
- Mobab: [Looks at Mom] And who is this [knocks down Brak so he can get closer to Mom] vision of exquisite beauty?
- Brak: Funny you should ask. [Singing]
That's my moooooooom!
She goes by the name of mooooooooooooom!
'M' is for her razmataz
'O' is for the way she talks
The other 'M' is there because
You can't have a mom without 'M'!
- Dad: (sobbing due to the loss of Mom) Now I no longer have a robust woman to carry my coffee beans to the roasting facility!
- Dad: Brak! Stop driving your little baby car around Saint Babiesburg and take your asteroid smashing like a man!
- Dad: Do you find me more attractive like this [puts his hand on his chin] or like this? [raises one finger]
- Mother: I don't know, let me see them again.
- Thundercleese: Time is an abstract concept created by carbon-based lifeforms to monitor their ongoing decay.
- Señor Science: Live wolfs do not make comfortable footwear. As a matter of fact, they are eating their way up my leg (Brak Gasps) as I speak to you now.
- Dad: Why don't you ride your girl-bike home and put on your sundress? You'll look so pretty.
- Zorak: [Robot is dragging him away from staring contest] Hey, what? Get your filthy probes off me!
- Dad: Where are you going Nancy? Don't you want to finish our little dance?
- Zorak: I didn't blink! I was winning! Arg! I'll be back!
- Poppy: "C'mon, give that sweet saddle a rattle! Squeeze her butt!"
- Brak: "I am NOT squeezing her BUTT!!!!"
*Slaps nose off of Brak*
- Poppy: "Nose overboard"
*Huckleberry Hound runs to get nose*
- Brak: [to Zorak] Oh, that's right, you're a remorseless sinner.
- Brak: Hey, what happened to my bed? [Brak's bed is covered in a thick, bubbling slime]
- Zorak: Yeah, that's my funk. Leave it alone. It's resting.
- Brak: Well, where did it come from?
- Zorak: Do you really want to know?
- Brak: No, I suppose not.
Mother, Did You Move my Chair?
- Brak: [to Mom] I don't think you should touch me. This disease is on the rampage. It's spreadin' like wildfire!
- Brak: I guess it's goodbye Brak the happy, go-lucky man about town...and hello, Brak the ruthless clam slayer.
- Brak: [to Dad] Holy gherkin pickles, pop!
- Zorak: [dressed as a pimp] I received assurances from Mr. Galrog that a young entrepreneur, such as myself, would not be inhibitated by the authorifications in this particular location. Galrog is wiggity-whack with our industry, suckers!
Brakstreet: Men in the Band
- Brak: It's like I say, when life gives you lemons... blow those lemons to bits with your laser cannons!
- Brak: I hope those are talking bubbles, buddy. [while Brak's Dad is mumbling in hottub water]
- Thundercleese: [Rapping] War is my profession. War is my obsession. Nothing I like better than a violent intercession. Blood must be spilled, thick enough to swim in as I hear the lamentations of my conquered foe's women! War, it's good for me, what's my name? THUNDERCLEESE!
- Brak: My dad's not gonna like you hittin' his prize pigs with water bombs.
- Zorak: Oh, about those water bombs, those were live shells. BLAMMO!
- Brak: [Stammers] You told me that was water!
- Zorak: Yeah, I lied about that. I lie a lot. That's what makes me cool.
- Thundercleese: [about Petroleum Joe] He is referring to carnal pleasures.
- Dad: Oh, like the Ferris Wheel!
- Thundercleese: [Thundercleese thinks about this] ...Yes, like the Ferris Wheel.
- Dad: Tonight, in the dark of night, after night has shrouded my dark plan in its nightly darkness, I will exact my revenge!
- Mother: Wait a minute, why were you going to arrest Brak?
- Space Ghost: Because he is a criminal. He's committed many crimes in the future, where I come from. Even though the show took place in 1966.
- Dad: What show?
- Space Ghost: My action-adventure show. It was wildly popular in the past, where it took place. Even though it was set in the future. Of course, in 1994 I also had a talk show in the future and Brak was my friend. Well, not really my friend, more of an associate. Unlike 1966 when he was a criminal in the past. Do you understand the words that I have said to you?
- Dad: Ah, yes...but, uh, mostly no.
- Dad: Mother, people only invite you to dinner for three reasons: to sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion!
- Mother: Oh, rubbish!
- Dad: No, mother, this is serious business -- they make you take an animal wife
- Mother: You are going to get your bum off that chair, put on your walking hat, and come to the party. Is that clear?
- Dad: All right, but I'm not kissing any animals on the lips.
- Brak: Me neither!
- Mother: Fair enough. Off we go then!
- Mother: You are going to be charming no matter what happens. And you will keep your peculiar theories and philosophies of life to yourself!
- Dad: But that's what I bring to the table, Mother! Don't you want to expose them to the full Dad treatment?
- Mother: They don't want the full Dad treatment. No one does.
- Franklin: Ah, you must be the dinner. Guests. Dinner guests. I really should've put those two words closer together.
- Brak: Hey Winston: how come you don't have any toys? All you've got is, is condiments.
- Winston: I use them when I have people over to eat. It makes them tastier to me. To my mouth. Heeheeheehee.
- Brak: Yeah, huhuhuh. That's a good one.
- Winston: Why don't you pick up that knife and stab yourself a few times?
- Brak: What?
- Winston: Oh I'd do it myself, but my heart's so puny it can't pump enough juice to get my limbs to workin'.
- Brak: Hey why don't we play a game or something? Wouldn't that be fun?
- Winston: Oh yeah, that would. How 'bout if you play, uh, you bang your head on that wall 'n' crawl back over to me?
- Brak: That doesn't sound like fun at all.
- Winston: Uh-huh -- it's fun for me. 'Cause I eat you! Fun for Winston!
- Brak: One more remark like that and I am leaving!
- Winston: No don't go, don't go -- Winston lonely! We'll play a game just like Brak said.... Then I eat you!
- Brak: Winston!
- Winston: Huhuhuh, I'm just jokin'!
We Ski in Peace
- Dad: Damn! They do wear hats!
Braklet, Prince of Spaceland
- Thundercleese: Open box, use weapon, slay enemy, bathe in his blood.
- Clarence: Did the park ranger put you up to this?
Shadows of Heat
- Dad: Tell him I'm not here. No, wait, tell him I'm not here and to come back in 15 minutes! Tell him both of those, see what he does!
- Brak: He's dead?
- Zorak: He was when I killed him.
- Dad:Ay, Madre de Dios! It's Zorak!
- Mom:It *was* Zorak. Heh heh [kicks his head] He's dead, all right.
- Dad:I hated Zorak all my life, but now that he's dead I hate him even more because as an unregistered alien without proper driving credentials, I'll go to jail for killing this piece of crap!
- Mom: [about the murder and eating Zorak's flesh] Brak can't know about this; he'll rat us out!
- Dad: Yes, if anybody could find a problem with eating his best friend, it would be Brak; he's so anal.
- Dad:That man was an unlicensed physician! He had no right to mutilate that scout troop like that! They just wanted to hide in their cardboard boxes and drink cough syrup.
- Brak: So, what do you think of my new shoes?
- Dad: I think they look like crap just like you, you big jackass!
Enter the Hump
- Dad: I'm a little tight back here, how about giving the old hump a squeeze?
- Dad: And that’s why father-son outings are bullcrap!
- Dad: What doctor? Brak did this. I ain't goin' to no doctor. Buncha fat-brained voodoo jive cats clubbin' their golf balls around, drunk on alcohol. Doctors? Heh, ptooey
Sexy New Brak Show Go
- Clarence: Oh hey Zorak you got a new squirt gun too. Let's have a squirt gun war. [Squirts water into Zoraks face] Ha Ha! I got you! Now shoot me as I run away. La la la la la la [Zorak shoots Clarence with his machine gun and Clarence starts screaming in horror].
- Zorak: Outta the way numb nuts! [Starts shooting the Japanese Company Mascot with a machine gun and laughs] Who was that?
All That I Desire You
- Zorak: Gentlemen; behold!
New Year's Eve Party at Brak's House
- Master Shake: Where. Is the toilet?!
- Dad: What the hell is this milkshake doing in the kitchen?
- Master Shake: Did I not just ask where the toilet was?! Because if you don't have one, I'll use the sink.
- Meatwad: He will, too. Get them dishes outta there.
- Brak: Come on, little meat, lets go upstairs to my room.
- Meatwad: Stairs? That's something I only heard of in books! You a rich boy.
- Dad: Mother if you don't stop crying I'll....
- Mom: You try it and I'll rip off your arm and shove it up your bum!
- Dad: You do that and I'll slap you in the face with my newly acquired bum-arm!
- Mom: You do that and I'll bite off your arm, chew it up, and spit the bone fragments into your eyes. Thus puncturing them and causing the eye liquid to flow into your lungs drowning you!
- Dad: Mother, that's pretty harsh..
- Brak: I guess I'd better get back to my pad. Them girls ain't kissin' themselves.
- Dad: If they start, you know where to find me. Oh, I love that business.
- Brak: [to Zorak] But this is for collage
- Zorak: [taking the money] Swipe!!!!!!
* Zorak Walks away with Money *
- Brak: [sigh] Now i will never be a barber
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