Samurai Jack

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Samurai Jack is an American animated television series created by animator Genndy Tartakovsky that aired on Cartoon Network from 2001 until 2004. However, the fifth season will premiere on Adult Swim in March 2017. The series tells the story of a heroic samurai's adventures in a distant, dystopian future ruled by the shape-shifting Aku, who is the demonic personification of pure evil and darkness.

Thirteen years later, a fifth and final season was produced. It is set fifty years later. It consists of only ten episodes rather than the usual thirteen or more.

Contents

Opening Narration[edit]

(Opening narration for Seasons 1, 2, 3 and 4)
Aku: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil!! But a foolish samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku!!!
(Opening narration for Season 5)
Jack: 50 years have passed, but I do not age. Time has lost its effect on me. And yet, the suffering continues. Aku's grasp chokes the past, present, and future. All hope is lost. Gotta get back. Back to the past. Samurai Jack.

Season One[edit]

The Beginning[edit]

Aku: [emerges from the ground] Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past.

Samurai: No matter what form you take, Aku, you will never defeat the side of righteousness.

Aku: Who dares to summon the Master of Masters, the Deliverer of Darkness, the Shogun of Sorrow, Aku?

The Emperor: When the evil shapeshifting wizard Aku arose from the bowels of hate to ravage our land. I was a young emperor at the time and was helpless against his powers. But I remembered our grandfather's-grandfather's stories about three monks, who were gifted with mystical powers. I rode to the highest peak of the mountainside, where the monks agreed to forge me an enchanted sword with great magic. Armed with the sword and the hope of my people, I plunged into battle against Aku. His evil was no match for the power of righteousness, and with the sword's magic, Aku's demon forces were implanted into the earth, forever petrifying him into the wasteland that he created. Through years of hard work, we have rebuilt our glorious past with hopes never to encounter an evil such as Aku again. Always be alert, my son, for the presence of evil is sometimes right behind you.

Emperor: I fought once like you, but the sword is only a tool. What power has it compared to the hand that wields it? Evil is clever, and deception is its most powerful weapon. Let the sword guide you to your fate, but let your mind set free the path to your destiny.

[the Samurai prepares to strike the final blow onto Aku]
Aku: You might have beaten me now, but I will destroy you in the future.
Samurai: There is no future for you, Aku.
Aku: I disagree. [he shrieks fives circles and forms a white hole above the Samurai]
Samurai: What trickery is this? [the circles envelope the Samurai; he slashes but he disappears in a flash of white light] Aku—!! [the light fades off; Aku slowly rises]
Aku: Do not worry, samurai. You will see me again. But next time, you will not be so fortunate.

Samurai: [riding off on a white horse] I will not fail you, Father!

Emperor: Be weary, my son. For Evil finds a way.

The Samurai Called Jack[edit]

[the samurai encounters cheering homeboys after avoiding the garbage cruncher]
Homeslice: Yo, Jack! That was some awesome show!
Brobot: I've never peered upon moves Iike that, Jack!
Cole Lampkin: Word! Jack was aII ricocheticaIIy-jumpa-deIic!
Homeslice: Aw, hezeck, yeah! BodigiousIy acrobatastic!
Brobot: Word! Word! But then, when Jack puIIed that Swiss arm it was aII, Iike, schwim-swack-swoof! Man, right through the car! Swick-attack-whack was fuII on the back, Jaaack!
Cole Lampkin: Oh, yeah, yeah! And he was aII schfoo-boom! Man! Eat that, fIucking crucker!
Homeslice: Yo, then my man just lands aII coolish styIe like, "No sweating, chiII."
Cole Lampkin: Bu-bu-but then that gunner wanna come out aII ramma-lamma-lamma, and then the trashin' aII munchin' and crunchin' and snack-mixin'!
Brobot: Out of that phat, supercagafragaIistic-tistic tie, yo!
Homeslice: Yeah! But Jack's just Iike, "Word! Let me get some. Tie, grab. Zzip! I'm out, yo!"

Samurai Jack: [When he is first asked his name, he relives some guys watching him fighting] They call me Jack.

Aku: Ha ha ha ha. So fate has arrived. Many years have gone since that day. And now, my formidabIe foe, you will pay for my pain in the past with your pain in the future.

Rothchild: Down here, old fellow. I was just wondering if you'd be so kind as to join us, as we were just...
Jack: Talking demon dogs!
Rothchild: Good heavens! Where?!

Jack: I have seen Aku implement these atrocities before, but no more. Even dogs should not be forced to live like dogs!

The First Fight[edit]

Aku: He is stronger than I remember...but no matter. For you see, little samurai, the world is mine! My eyes and ears are everywhere. Nothing you do will go unseen. Quest as you may, but we will meet again when I see fit in a time and place of my choosing. And it is I who shall put an end to the war started in that age long past... Samurai Jack! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Rothchild: [after Jack has slayed all of Aku's drones] Now, that was smashing! A reaI bang-up job!
[he's laughing joyfully until Jack opens his menacingly-looking eyes at him]
Rothchild: Ahem... Good, Sir Jack. 'Twas truIy a nobIe deed you have done today, and an historic victory most worthy of our Iogs. You have saved our pack from the wrath of Aku's drones. We are forever indebted to you. [all dogs have lowered their hunting hats in unison]
Jack: Thanks are not necessary. It is my duty to oppose the minions of Aku and my mission to vanquish the very demon himself.
Rothchild: Well, then, now that we have a chance at freedom, we should take our leave of these forsaken mines. Our pack shaII continue our once-nomadic life searching for more answers to our puzzling history. [Jack offers a handshake]
Jack: I wish you the best.
Rothchild: We certainty invite you to join us.
Jack: No, I cannot! Aku's wrongs must be righted. Surety there is a way to reverse his spell. I will find a way back to my own time. There, I will finish what I started centuries ago and defeat Aku's evil before it was ever truly unleashed.

[a bug bot takes a step back]
Samurai Jack: No, there is no escape.

Jack, the Woolies, and the Chritchellites[edit]

Jack: I notice your treatment of the Woolies is somewhat... harsh.
Leader: Not really. It's no different than the way you humans treat--what do you call them? Horses.

Lazzor: We are forever grateful, great warrior, to your deeds done today. If there is anything that you seek, please honor us by letting us help you.
Samurai Jack: There is one thing that I quest for.
Lazzor: [an image of Aku appears in Lazzors eyes] Yes... I understand. Travel north, Samurai. There you will find a magical place that can help you fulfill your destiny...

Jack in Space[edit]

Analyst: What is wrong, friend? Odds are three to one you should have fun.
Jack: I too desire to find my home. You see, in days long past where rockets and robots were nowhere near creation, a young warrior forged into battle with Aku. At the point where victory was imminent, Aku tricked the warrior and flung him from his own time to a distant time in the future. To reclaim his homeland and undo the evil of Aku, the warrior has to find some sort of time passage home. Such a magic is difficult to find.
Analyst: [impressed] Is that warrior you?

Frederick: Jack, those are what we like to call guided missiles!

Mantoid: You have been found guilty of breaking Aku Law 101 and 203: Habitation in an unauthorized facility, and unauthorized construction of an escape vehicle. Your punishment is extermination.

Jack and the Warrior Woman[edit]

Elder: A warning: only one of pure heart may approach and use the power of the jewel.
Samurai Jack: My mission is noble, my heart is pure. I have nothing to fear.

Jack: Who are you, and why did you help me?
Ikra: Not the grateful kind, are you?

Jack: Who are you, and why did you help me?
Ikra: You're welcome.
Jack: ...My time in this land has made me harsh and rude. Forgive me. I did not mean to insult you.
Ikra: No tears shed samurai.
Jack: Jack.
Ikra: What?
Jack: Samurai Jack. It is what the people of this land have named me.
Ikra: O-kaaay?

Jack: [impales his sword angrily in the ground and drops to his knees] I will destroy you, Aku. I swear it!

Jack and the Three Blind Archers[edit]

Samurai Jack: Excuse me. Is this wishing well that you spoke of, real?
General: Why, yes! Beyond that mountaintop over there.
[Jack prepares to leave]
General: Wait, I beg you. Reconsider. There are only three archers yet they decimated my whole army. You are just one man. Do the math. Why attempt it?
Jack: That well could get me home.
General: There are other ways to get home.
Jack: Not for me.

Jack: [Jack has been defeated while fighting blind-folded] It's no use. No one can fight like this!
Grand Master: A great warrior must be in tune with *all* of his senses. Only then will you be able to extend your awareness so that you may fight on any level. Try again.
Jack: Yes, Sifu.

Jack: Evil spirit of the well, you will not take another innocent life! I wish thee, destroyed!

Archer #1: [speaking of Jack] The greatest of warriors.
Archer #2: A noble spirit.
Archer #3: Such sacrifice.

Lil Guy: [shouting] Get out of the great Kahn's chair. What are you, telling stories again? Get swabbing or I'll toss you over board, you has-been!

Jack Versus Mad Jack[edit]

[Jack encounters an exact replica of himself in black robes and red eyes]
Jack: What sorcery is this? Who are you?
Mad Jack: Don't be such a fool! I'm you!
Jack: If you are me, then who am I?
Mad Jack: Graahh! You're so stupid! You are you also!
Jack: Enough! You are my mirror image, yet your speech is foul with evil and disrespect. Who are you, and how have you come to be me?
Mad Jack: I am the son of Aku's magic. He has looked deep within you and has spawned me from your own burning hatred. I am your dark side, and I possess all the powers that you wield. And I have only one purpose in my existence: to destroy you!

Jack: (to a defeated bounty hunter) Looks like there will be no money for you, crazy round man.

Fishman: [Jack is about to enjoy his tea in a seedy bar] You got some kinda nerve. Hear what I'm sayin'?
[Jack ignores him]
Fishman: I'm talking to you! You got some gump comin' here, know what I mean? Better finish that drink quick, cuz you might not live much longer. Aku's offering two googleplex for your head. Two googleplex, that's a lot of money. And we aim to collect it. Right about now.

Jack: WHO ELSE WANTS SOME!?

Mad Jack: Hurts, doesn't it?
Jack: Not as much as this is going to hurt you!

Mad Jack: [Jack is meditating] What the heck is going on?
Jack: You have lost. The battle is over.
Mad Jack: What?!
Jack: You are my inner demon. You have been born from the hatred within me. But now that hatred is no more. Thus, you do not exist.
Mad Jack: Fool! I am real! Now feel the reality of my cold, hard steel!

Jack: (to Aku) I know you're watching. These tricks are starting to annoy me...

Jack Under the Sea[edit]

Guiness: Due to the nature of our geography, it's not often that we receive visitors. In fact, you're the first.

Guiness: Ahem. Lord Aku, we have fulfilled our obligation to you. We... now ask that you...
Aku: Fulfill mine?! Yes, yes, the obligation, of course. Yes, well, it seems that I've... CHANGED MY MIND!!!

Aku: Can you not see Aku is beyond destruction?

Guiness: Jack. There's something I... the way we... betrayed you... It is unforgivable. I...
Jack: I understand. Aku's deceit runs deep. Even a good heart can be tainted in the hands of Aku.

Jack and the Lava Monster[edit]

Jack: No. I will not do battle with you for your amusement. There is no honor in it.
Viking: Honor? What do thee know of honor? A millennium hath passed, and now my goal is within my grasp. This battle will continue to the end.

Viking: I have engraved a recording of my past, so that I would never forget the life that I had, the man I was. So thy people would not be lost to the dust of time. Let me take thee on a journey into the past...

Viking: Warrior, rise! I must defeat you honorably!
Jack: Do not worry, I have only begun to fight!

Viking: Yeeeeeeessssss. At last, after all these years, a worthy opponent.
Jack: Enough of this pointless battle. I will continue to fight you no more.
Viking: [strikes] I say thee nay!

Viking: Come.
Jack: That voice beckons me further in. Surely he takes me for a fool to follow deeper into his traps. [the floor and spike-covered ceiling begin to converge] A fool I be!

Viking: Accursed monster, your spell is broken!

Jack and the Scotsman[edit]

Jack: [tries passing through the Scotsman] Um... excuse me.
The Scotsman: What do you expect me to do?
Jack: Just stand aside.
Scotsman: And risk fallin' over the side fer a perfect stranger? Away and bow your head! You stand aside!
Jack: [pause] ..My destination lies at the opposite end of the bridge.
Scotsman: And you'll get there after you back up and I reach that end o' the bridge first! [Jack turns his head back to his end]
Jack: That would waste too much time, and time is what I don't have.
Scotsman: Sooo, you think yer better than me cos you're in a hurry! Well, I'm in a hurry too! But, no, you did not think o' that, did you? That I might be an equal! Nooo, you just consider yerself superior, right off! Yer rude. [Jack blinks, pauses]
Jack: You mistake my comment, sir.
Scotsman: Do I? Ye think I'm dumb, too?
Jack: No, I... Look, we are both in a hurry, so I shall hang from these planks and you may walk right over.
Scotsman: So you get to peek up me kilt?
Jack: That is not what I am suggesting.
Scotsman: So ya say, ya plucky-face hinoot.
Jack: [raises an eyebrow] What did you call me?

Jack: [Shackled to the Scotsman] The arrow relies on the bow, and the bow relies on the arrow, but they are not tied together.
Scottsman: That would be pointless, now wouldn't it?

Scotsman: [shows his large sword] What do ya think o' that, Mr. Pajama-Wearing, Basket-Face Slipper-Wielding, Clype-Dreep-Bachle Gether-Uping-Blate-Maw, Bleathering, Gomeril Jessie, Oaf-looking, Scooner, Nyaff, Plookie, Shan, Milk-Drinking Soy-Faced Shilpit, Mim-Moothed, Sniveling, Worm-Eyed, Hotten-Blaugh Vile-Stoochie, Cully-Breek-Tattie?

Jack: I fear no man.
Scotsman: Ooohhh. That's some tough talk comin' from guy who wears a basket on his head.

Scotsman: By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes, wee laddie.

Jack: We are in no condition to fight these odds.
Scotsman: [gruffly] Especially not with a pajama wearin' daisy strapped to me wrist.

[Jack and the Scotsman have been fighting all night and are exhausted]
Scotsman: Are ye ready to give up yet?
Jack: I am not defeated, and I will hold my ground.
Scotsman: Hold yer ground, ye can barley hold yer sword.
Jack: Then come get me.
Scotsman: Wha-? I... [struggles with his sword and gives up] Seeing as I'm a sportsman, I'll give ye a moment to recuperate.

Jack and the Gangsters[edit]

Boss: Boys, meet Jackie the Blade. With all the cool accoutrements, see?
Mr. Pibbles: Yeah, great. How come he gets the cool name?

Boss: Ah, so now Mr. Goody-two-sandals feels like talkin', eh?

Boss: Come on out, Jackie.
Aku: Jackie?
Jack: Actually, it's Jack.

Aku: Who dares to summon... Oh, it is YOU.

Aku's Fairy Tales[edit]

Aku: Tales of the Samurai's heroics have spread through the world like a virus. But I will cure the world of this plague of hope.

Aku: Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl, with an adorable red cape and GREAT FLAAAAMING EYEBROWS!

Aku: The beast was struck, and was transformed, into... BEEEEEEF JERRRRRRRKY.

Aku: The wolf attacked Little Red Hood, not knowing that Little Red Hood had LASER EYE BEAMS! (Little Red Hood zaps wolf with LASERS) GREAT COMBAT SKILLS! (Little Red Hood bashes wolf back and forth) AND A POWERFUL UPPERCUT that freed Little Red's grandmother from the evil bowels of the wolf!
Grandma: Mmmmmm! Confectionery treats!
Aku: And so, Little Red Hood was VICTORIOUS!!!

Wolf: Did someone say picnic basket full of confectionery treats?

Child: (confused) But, those are three different stories.
Aku: WITH GREAT ENDINGS!

Aku: When the three bears returned, COMPLETE DESTRUCTION awaited them!

Aku: Once upon a time there was a house built from straw, wood, and brick. Where three innocent little pigs happily made their residence--until there was a knock at the door. It was Big, Bad Jack.
Fairy Tale Jack: Little pig, little pig, open up and let me in!
Pigs: Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chins.
Fairy Tale Jack: Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'm coming in! Here's Jackie!!

Aku: Here's the truest tale of all! There was an all-mighty, all-powerful wizard, and there was a pathetic little samurai. And the wizard destroyed him!! The end!!

Season Two[edit]

Jack Learns to Jump Good[edit]

Jack: [after fighting tribe of gorillas away] Who were they?
Monkey Man: Other tribe.
Jack: Why do you not defend what's yours? [the man kneels to a flower]
Monkey Man: We peaceful like flower. Know not how to protect ourselves. Other tribe [punches flower to pieces] take food, smash home, never leave us alone!! We pick up pieces, replant somewhere else. [Jack pauses for a beat] We scared. Now, like before, we find new home. [long beat]
Jack: l could show you how to defend yourselves... how to protect what is yours. [the man is suddenly happy, jumps on Jack to be held]
Monkey Man: And we show you to jump good!
[he starting hooting to his tribe of monkeys; they all raise their fists]
Monkey Man: They agree. We learn to protect and defend.
Jack: And they will show me to jump good?
Monkey Man: No. [Jack reacts shocked] I mean, yes. [Jack smiles]

Monkey Man: You jump good!

[Jack runs to the time portal before Aku appears suddenly behind the portal again]
Jack: Aku!
Aku: Samurai fool! Your efforts are in vain again! [he grabs and seize the time portal] This gateway to the past is once more beyond your- [Jack jumps up high and reaches Aku's face before he could finish his sentence] REACH? You can fly?!
Jack: No. Jump good! [he slashes Aku and freeze frame]

Jack Tales[edit]

Jack: [he is only allowed one question to decide which of the two worms is the "magic" worm, armed only with the knowledge that one tells the truth and the other lies] If you were your brother, which one would you say was the magic worm?
Worm 2: Which one are you asking?
Jack: It doesn't matter.
Worm 2: Hmmm. That's easy. It's him!
Worm 1: Of course! It's me!
Jack: Then I choose you.
[chooses Worm #2 instead]
Worm 1: He knows!
Worm 2: What makes you choose me? I told you it was him!
Worm 1: Yes, me!
Jack: If you were the truth-telling one then what you said would be a lie because you will answer truthfully what your lying brother will say. Therefore I can safely say that the answer will be the opposite of what you say. On the other hand if you were the lying worm then you will tell me what your truth-telling brother will say but it would be a lie, therefore the answer will also be the opposite of what you say. Understand?

Jack: [smiling] When does the magic begin? [smiles enthusiastically, but suddenly frowns when he sees a group of sad people] There is no magic, is there? [two of the people shake their heads no]

Worm 2: Jack!
Jack: You know of me?
Worm 2: Of course I do. I'm magic.

Worm 2: What's your favorite color?
Jack: Blue... no, red!

Worm 2: Little did he know we're both liars.
Worm 1: Magic. I haven't done that since I was a little larva.

Gypsy Woman: [standing along with her family] Give us the food and your life will be spared!
Jack: You mean my...sword?

[Jack holds up his sword to the starving family to taunt them]

Jack: Hungry?

[the family lick their lips and drool in hunger]

Jack: Come get some!

Jack and the Smackback[edit]

Ganeesh: A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody. You can hide but you cannot run. A true coward does not run from his opponent but from himself. Many receive advice. Only the wise profit by it.

Ringmaster: Facing the twelve-time champion of the ring, the Administer of Agony, the Baron of Brutality, the Carver of Carnage, the Dealer of Destruction... Gordo the Gruesome!

Ringmaster: Our talent search has spread throughout the universe, to bring you only the finest quality of challenger. He'll battle the greatest of champions. No victory is too small, no wound is too great, no weapon is illegal. And now, the Dome of Doom presents for your pleasure... Two-Sandals the Treacherous.

Gordo: Prepare to suffer, Two-Sandals the Treacherous! I will beat you like a drum, I will hang you out like laundry!
Ringmaster: And now, without any further...
Gordo: I am the master mechanic, the alpha and omega. I will put a hurting on you, slave. I'm gonna tear you up into little shreds, and then I'm gonna take those shreds and tear them up into little shreds. I will make your mother cry. I will make your Aunt Edna from Withershoot proper, south of Barnaby cry. Are you ready for pain, Two Sandals?
[crowd cheers]
Samurai Jack: I am not intimidated by your shouting. A true warrior fights not with words, but...
[Gordo the Gruesome punches Samurai Jack in the face]

Ringmaster: Thank you, Sumoto, for putting the "doom" back in the Dome of Doom!

Aqualizer: Help me! Help meeee...

Jack and the Scotsman II[edit]

Scotsman: [having been crying on Jack's shoulder] I'm just overcome thinking 'bout her. How can I live without my bonnie wife?
Samurai Jack: I suggest we waste no time crying then.
Scotsman: Aye.

Jack: Is your clan always that wild?
Scotsman: Aye, that's why I never stay at home. I'm the mellow one.

Scotsman: Me Clan Druid rolled the bones. They said seek the help of a stranger. You're the only stranger I know, and you're as strange as they come, laddie.

Jack: And what is haggis?
The Clan: Sheep's stomach stuffed with meat and barley!

Scotsman: But lovely lump, the druid said...
Scotsman's Wife: The druid?!? Who listens to a man wearing an elk skull on his head?
Scotsman: But he...
Scotsman's Wife: Shut it!
Scotsman: Yes, dear.

Scotsman's Wife: I've never been so humiliated in me blessed life! I have a gimbly old dullard for a husband and a scrawny tree for a sidekick! I'd be better off saving meself!

Boone: The moon is full. Destroy the men and throw the fat female in the pot.
Scotsman's Wife: Fat? Fat? I'm not fat! I'm stout!
Boone: Silence!
[the Scotsman's wife punches him in the stomach then tosses him]

Scotsman's Wife: La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Jack: Seems we must find an alternate way out.
Scotsman: Why?
Jack: The door is so very small and your wife is so very...
Scotsman's Wife: What?
Jack: Oop!
Scotsman: Run! Don't squash him, muffin. He's a friend of mine!

Jack and the Ultra-Robots[edit]

Alien: They came from nowhere. They left as mysteriously as they came. To the east, they left to the east.

Robot: They appeared from nowhere. First came explosion. We tried to defend ourselves, but our attempts were futile. And then, there was fire. We didn't stand a chance. They were relentless. They destroyed the city, all of it. Then, they left as mysteriously as they came.
Samurai Jack: Madness. This senseless destruction must be stopped.
Robot: They-they-they left to-to-to the east.
[Shuts down]

Jack: Why? Why did you destroy all those villages?
Ultra Robot: To lure you to us. To draw you out.
Jack: What?
Ultra Robot: Yes, we have been hunting you. We have come to destroy you.
Jack: Your search is over. Come and get me.

Extor: Of course, on your own you are not strong enough to cut through their adamantium metal. But with my last scientific invention you can cut through them like butter...
[holds up a huge mechanical arm]

Ultra Robot: All too easy

Extor: High-five.
Jack: What?
Extor: High-five.
Jack: What?
Extor: High-five.
Jack: I do not understand.
Extor: Never mind.

Ultra Robot: Fool. Your sword does not match the power of Aku.
Jack: Wrong. This sword carries the history and strength of my people. Its power is immeasurable. Great ancestors, hear my plea.
Extor: What are you doing?
Jack: If I am worthy, grant me the strength to vanquish this evil abomination and send him back to...

Ultra Robot: [Last words] Unbelievable.

Jack Remembers the Past[edit]

Emperor: Dry your tears, my son, for nothing worth having is easily attained. Sometimes you must fight for what is yours... and for what you believe in. Remember, my son... it is not one's outward brawn, but rather one's inner strength that makes them mighty.

Jack: [cries] My home.

Boy: Hey! Where's the ball?

Jack and the Monks[edit]

Jack: What is at the peak of this mountain?
Monk #1: Truth.

Monk #1: Do you give up? Will you abandon their hope? Can you not feel their desperation? Will evil forever rule the world? Have you forgotten?!?
Jack: No, I have not forgotten.

Jack: Thank you, mountain monks. Thank you. [shouts on top of the mountain's summit] Aku! l will never give up! l will return to the past and destroy you!

Jack and the Farting Dragon[edit]

Jack: Poor, unfortunate creature.
Peasant: I'm not poor!
Jack: What!?
Peasant: I might be unfortunate, but I'm not poor!

Jack: Tell me, where is this horrible stench coming from?
Peasant: Oh, you must mean the stench that ruined our crop, that rendered generations of back-bending labor completely and utterly useless. That...
Jack: Yes! That stench.

Jack: Your pet speaks very well.
Scissorsmith: My pet--that's my wife! Never sell a wizard an expired fishing license.

Scissorsmith: Look up there. (points to sign) Now, do you see the words "free information" anywhere on that sign?
Jack: No.
Scissorsmith: Try using this magnifying glass. See it now?
Jack: No.
Scissorsmith: Well that's because I don't sell free information!

Scissorsmith: Then you'll need... this!
Jack: I've had enough of your bartering, Scissorsmith.
Scissorsmith: This one's on me. Sheep's bladder. It'll help you breath up there in those fumes. Place it over your head like this and breath calmly. If you have any small children with you, secure your own mask first, then the child's. You will find exits located to the east and south end of the cabin. Beverages will be served shortly.

Scissorsmith: At the fork in the road, follow the rocky path. It will take you to the dragon's lair.
Jack: Where will the other one take me?
Scissorsmith: Space Ace!

Jack and the Hunters[edit]

Lionor: Our race has existed for countless eons. The hunt is our way of life. It runs through our veins. It makes us rich, rich beyond material wealth. We accept your challenge. But we need not your treasure. Our reward is the thrill of the hunt. For we are Imakandi.

[Jack is captured easily by the Imakandi]
Lionor: [disgusted] This was such a waste of time! This prey is not worthy to continue! Let us tell Aku that he can claim his prize!
Jack: Aku... No! I will not be brought to Aku like an animal! [breaks free and escapes]
Lionor: [smiles] We hunt, my brothers.

[The Imakandi capture Samurai Jack again and Aku appears before them]

Aku: Congratulations, Imakandi! You are undoubtedly the greatest hunters of the universe. All that have preceded failed. But YOU...you have captured the one being who ran free in this world of mine.
Lionor: Yes, truly this was our greatest hunt. And this samurai has proven himself as the mightiest and most elusive of prey.
Aku: Yes, yes, now please hand him to me.
Lionor: No.
Aku: What?!?
Lionor: I cannot. A prey that has provided such an intense and noble hunt has earned its right to run free. It is the way of the Imakandi.
Aku: Insolent FOOLS! I will take what is mine!!
Lionor: No, you will NOT! [with that being said, the Imakandi disappear along with Jack in blue flames before Aku can grab them]
Aku: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Lionor: The greatest prey of all is a prey that has earned its freedom. That is our way. The Imakandi way! Run free, Samurai Jack... Run free.

Jack vs. Demongo, the Soul Collector[edit]

Aku: From deep within the bowels of the Pit of Hate, I summon: Demongo!

Aku: As far as the eye can see the land is desolate and full of despair. Shadows draw across the earth and block out the light. Darkness oozes from every crevice. Hope has been eradicated; only terror reigns! And yet there is one who mocks my omnipresent evil with his existence! He possesses a sword which could destroy me. They call him...Samurai Jack!

Demongo: You've met your match, samurai! Crush him! Crush, crush, crush, crush, CRUSH!

Demongo: What is my bidding, my master?

Demongo: I am the Dealer of Destruction, the Merchant of Doom!

Demongo: You cannot win, Samurai! I am more powerful!
Jack: A power fueled only by the strength and skill of the great warriors whose essence you have stolen, Demongo! Without that, you are nothing!
Demongo: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. You are wise, Samurai... but who cares?! Bleah!!

Jack: There must be a way to defeat Demongo, a way to stop Demongo from using essence, essence of traped warriors. Trapped essence? Free the essence, Demongo has no power; how do I free the essence? [sees essence been reabsorbed by Demongo] Yes, from within. How do I get inside?
[he strikes the Tiger Warrior, then grabs hold of its essence as Demongo is reabsorbing it]
Demongo: [he starts realizing something isn't right] Huh? [sees Jack hurtling towards him] Impossible!

Aku: You have failed me Demongo.
Demongo: No, Master. Please forgive me!
Aku: Hmmm... (thinks about it) NO. (crushes him) Once again the saga continues.

Jack Is Naked[edit]

Jack: Get back here, you thief!
Taxi Driver: It seems as though that angry mob is trying to get your attention.
Jack: Please, we must leave immediately.
Taxi Driver: The urgency in your grip tells me you are in grave danger. I will take you the heck out of here.

Taxi Driver: Well, the cats out of the bag now, my friend.

Jack: [dressed up as a princess] Hello.

Jack: [encounters a burglar] Excuse me, I need to take your clothes. [knocks him out and puts on his clothes]

Cop #1: Calling all units. Calling all units. Almost naked man running loose in terminal. I repeat, almost naked. Arrest him immediately.

Jack: A stranger world than this, I fear I have yet to visit.

Jack and the Spartans[edit]

Spartok: Long ago. he came to us in our time of need. His name was Jack. Nothing would be the same.

Spartok: The war was finally over. But the warrior was gone. His shield was all that was left. This stranger who became a brother aided us in our time of need and made a difference. His sacrifice and that of the others defeated our enemy, saved our lives, and ensured our freedom. They will be honored and remembered forever... the 300 plus one. But I believe the one survived. A warrior that great... could not be stopped so easily.

Jack's Sandals[edit]

Jack: You have insulted my footwear. (the bikers laugh) My sandals don't like to be laughed at.

Jack: I don't mean to trouble you, but I was wondering... (stomach rumbles) Thank you, but there are villains at large that I must deal with.
Old Man: Oh, there are always villains. But you cannot defeat them on an empty stomach.

Season Three[edit]

Chicken Jack[edit]

Wizard: People. Always bumping into me. [shouts] Always!

Man A: He's injured. Bring out the Finisher.
Man B: But, but that's two opponents at once. That's, that's cheating.
Man A: [pause] DOOOO IIIIIIIT!
Man B: It's always me. I always have to get the Finisher. Every time. "Do this, do that. Go get the Finisher." I always have to.

Jack and the Rave[edit]

Jack: Who were they?
Man: [crying] The children... of Aku...
Jack: Aku! Truly his evil has spread to even the youngest of souls.

[Jack prepares to attack a group of vandals]
Man: No! Wait! They're children!

DJ: Welcoooooome, bruthas and sistahs. Can I get a kazam?
Crowd: KAZAM!
DJ: DJ Starbator am once again here to drop upon you all the majestical sounderiffic beats of the Master...
Crowd: [entranced] AKUUUUUU

DJ: Samurai Jack is in the house! And for public enemy number one, the scratch in Aku's groove, Samurai Wack, let's mix it up with a taste of the bass beats in his face, the brand-new hard-core track... Jack Attack!

Jack: Music maker man, your beats are bad.
DJ: That's right, they're bad.
Jack: Not bad-good. Bad-bad.
DJ: Whatever.

Jack: Aku's control over these children must stop!
DJ: Aku will never be silenced!

Jack: You have been pawns of Aku's evil, but now you are free. Return to your homes and never dance to this evil beat again.

The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful[edit]

Ezekiel Clench: Josephine? What in tarnation are you doing here?
Josephine Clench: Well, it's nice to see you too, Ezekial.
Ezekiel Clench: Aw, shoot. There ain't never been nothin' nice about you, woman.
Josephine Clench: Now now, let's not get nasty, darlin'.
Ezekiel Clench: Don't call me darlin'.
Josephine Clench: Well, then don't act like a fool! I know what you're up to. You're after the bounty on that samurai.
Ezekiel Clench: And what business is it of yours?
Josephine Clench: I want in.
Ezekiel Clench: Pfft. Nooooo.
Josephine Clench: You need me. [Ezekiel walks off] He's better than you!
Ezekiel: (smiling) Ain't no man better than me, woman. You outta know that. Besides, the court says you ain't even supposed to come within 150 feet of me, so back off!

Josephine: Dagnabbit! Can't you shoot straight?
Ezekiel: Don't get uppity, woman. I don't see you makin' no daylight in his broadside.

Jack: Looking for a seat?
Ezekiel: Yup... yours. I'm gonna make a lotta money cashin' in on your hide.
Jack: I hear that often... but only from poor men.
Ezekiel: Hmmm! Well, I've got bills 'ta pay, an' I've done already addressed the envelopes.
Jack: I hope you have yet to stamp the postage on your parcels...
Ezekiel: (sucker-punching Jack) Consider 'em stamped.

(Zeke slams Jack against the engine)
Ezekiel: Good mornin'. You're just in time. I'm fixin ta make me some flapjacks!

Ezekiel: Dagburnit, Josie! You consarn, framalandin', flamdanglin' snake-in-sheep's-wool- over-my-eyes trick-up-her-sleeve whoo-hoo witchy woman!

Josephine Clench: [the Clenches are dangling from a high bridge after their bickering lost them Jack's bounty] Um, Zeke? Sugarplum? Maybe I was a might hasty.
Ezekiel Clench: Court says 150 feet, woman. 150 FEET!

Jack and the Zombies[edit]

Aku: [shocked the mystical sword didn't kill Jack like how he intended] How?! HOW?!
Jack: Even I had forgotten that the sword was forged in purity and strength. It can only be used for good. In the hands of evil, it can never harm an innocent. And so, Aku, it cannot harm me...but it can harm you!

Jack: I have a bad feeling about this.

Aku: [with Jack's sword, Aku starts to look around for him] Oh, Samurai? Where are you, Samurai? You can run but you cannot hide because I can smell your BLOOD.

Demon: I'll eat your soul!!!

Aku: Samurai... Samurai... why won't you [shouting] DIIIIIIIE?!?!

Jack in Egypt[edit]

Jack: Uh, excuse me. Thank you for destroying the Minions of Set. But do you happen to know where there is a time portal? (deity flies away) Guess not.

Jack: It seems... so... familiar... this place...

Aku: Accursed Samurai. You have succeeded again in alluding my effort. But I am not worried for one day you will fail. [laughs hysterically]

Jack and the Traveling Creatures[edit]

[Jack encounters a big blue-skinned man guarding the time passage behind him]
Jack: The creatures of this mystical land have guided me here. ls this the passage through time that l have quested for?
The Guardian: Yup.
Jack: l humbly request your permission to use this great power. [the Guardian is laughing joyfully and stops]
Guardian: Nope.
Jack: Guardian! By what right do you deny me?
Guardian: For countless eons, l have guarded this magical power of time travel. All have been denied, from the mightiest of giants to the tiniest of warriors. You see, samurai, only one man has been prophesied to defeat me. And that man is the only man who can use this time passage. And you, my man, ain't that man. [Jack takes a deep sigh]
Jack: l have hoped that just once l would not have to battle for my goal because it is noble and just. But l see that this is impossible. l must use the power of this time passage, and so, l will defeat you.
Guardian: Ain't gonna happen.
Jack: We shall see. (draws sword)
Guardian: Ahhh, you goin' all old school on me, huh? Well, I got me one o' those. [draws sword]

Elder: Head north, to the city of Kojima...

Jack: Clever how you people use this beast for travel.
Monk: We do not use him. It his generocity that allows us to cross this lake. Only he can cross it.
Jack: [Jack is ashamed] I meant no disrespect.
Monk: He has forever lived in this lake. Seen many things, all knowing and very wise.

Jack: Never before have I faced an opponent with such skill.
Guardian: I told you, man, it ain't gonna happen! Now why don't you leave before you really get hurt.
Jack: Never! I must return to the past!

Guardian: I told you, man. You ain't the one.

Guardian: That was my favorite suit you just ruined!

Guardian: You can't use it yet, Samurai Jack. Not yet... Not yet.

Jack and the Creature[edit]

Jack: Why do I have this feeling that I am being followed when I know it to not be true? Hmm!

Jack: Crystal of... Cagliostro?

Jack and the Swamp Monster[edit]

Hermit: Who dare to blow my door horn?
Jack: I am called Jack. I am a traveler.
Hermit: Hm. Never heard of you. I'm a hermit, after all.

[the Hermit has all the gems of the Titans and tries to attack Jack, but finds a jewel missing]
Jack: What's the matter? Missing something... Aku?

Jack: Run, you cowardly shadow, for your destruction is at hand! It is only a matter of time.

Aku: Now let us test your enchanted steel against the power of the Titans!

Jack and the Haunted House[edit]

Jack: Very well. I am leaving your doll. Here on the... the, eh...

Jack, the Monks, and the Ancient Master's Son[edit]

Grandmaster Tan Zang: Speak, my son.
Jack: Grandmaster, I am the pupil of Master Chu.
Grandmaster Tan Zang: I am Tan Zang. I was also a pupil of Master Chu, with you, at the temple.
Jack: How can this be?
Grandmaster Tan Zang: I remember the day that you arrived at our temple. I was but a boy then. An emperor's son had come to learn our ways. You were training for your eventual battle with the ultimate evil. Eventually, Aku came for us and the temple was destroyed. But the survivors and I rebuilt the temple in secret. Over time, I became the grandmaster. The years passed and my chi grew more powerful. I became one with nature and received energy and nourishment from the earth itself. I have attained the highest levels of awareness and wisdom.

Monk A: [the time portal has closed] He is free. We have done it.
Monk B: [surrounded by stone warriors] We will not escape this. But we will die with honor.

Monk A: Brother, why did you come back?
Jack: You were prepared for sacrifice. I was not.
Monk B: But... with the portal closed... you will have to find another way home.
Jack: I am getting used to that.

The Birth of Evil, Part 1[edit]

Aku: Fool! Nothing of this world can harm me, for I am Aku! The shogun of sorrow, the deliverer of darkness, your new master and you will bow to me!

Aku: You, thank you.
Young Emperor: No! My intention was to destroy you!
Aku: Oh? [laughs] But it was your poisoned arrow and your hocus pocus that set me free. [more laughter]

The Birth of Evil, Part 2[edit]

Odin: This blade was forged from the righteous energy within thee.
Ra: It possesses the power to destroy this evil force.
Rama: But be warned. This evil is not of the human world. It has magic beyond your understanding. Trust not what you see, but what you feel.

Aku: [Aku is surprised to have been hurt] How can this be?
Young Emperor: This sword was forged from the strength and power of the human spirit. It represents all that is good. It's purpose is to destroy you.
Aku: Bah!

Young Emperor: We must learn from this day. We must be prepared should this evil ever return. We must... have a plan.

Jack and the Labyrinth[edit]

Tribe Leader: In appreciation for saving our humble tribe from extinction at the hands of the evil Aku, we give you this map it reveals the hidden location of a great source of power that Aku keeps locked away. A power that can end your quest and return you to when you belong. Many have sacrificed to bring us this information. You must use it wisely. For this powersource is sealed in a fortress. A fortress stumped with countless guards to protect it against the finest warriors and filled with an array of booby traps to defend it against the most cunning thieves. Be careful. Beware. Be victorious. If you dare...

Jack: You must give me the diamond!
Thief: I can't!
Jack: You must!
Thief: I can't!
Jack: You must!
Thief: I can't!
Jack: You must!
Thief: I can't!

Thief: (mocking Jack in ninja garb) Ooh, I'm a dark ninja. Sneaky, sneaky! You can't see me!

Season Four[edit]

Samurai vs. Ninja[edit]

Jack: Shinobi. Warrior of the night. Trained to use the darkness of the shadow. I know your arts as well. But I have been trained to use the light.

Robo-Samurai vs. Mondo-Bot[edit]

Max: He... is... the one.

Samurai vs. Samurai[edit]

Da Samurai: [pulls out his sword] And this here is my mama. Don't you talkin' bad about my momma. Or she'll give you a whoopin' aint that right, Mama? Mmm-hm, mmm-hm, that's right, baby. Cause... I... am... Da Samurai!

Da Samurai: Ain't's no bout about that. Don't call me bad, call me badder. I'm da Samurai dude who invented groove.

Da Samurai: Didn't you hear who I am?
Jack: I believe everyone heard who you are.

Jack: He who runs with aggression walks without dignity.
Da Samurai: Now I see your tactics - you're going to bore me to death.

Jack: You have not yet earned the right to face my blade.

Jack: [he has Da Samurai pinned down with a bamboo stick] You can never defeat another if you know not how to defeat yourself.

Da Samurai: [about Jack, while getting his bamboo stick] I'll teach you to play me the fool.

The Aku Infection[edit]

Master Ning: You have been infected by pure evil which can only be purged by the light of good. The good within you.

Master Ning: Aku's very essence is creeping through your veins, possessing your body, poisoning your mind. It means to devour your spirit.
Jack: Please... help me... I beg you...

The Princess and the Bounty Hunters[edit]

Princess Mira: (after hearing I and Am's plan to capture Jack) You're on the right track, but the two of you could never defeat Jack. Jack is cunning and hard to restrain. By leaving him a sword he stays in the game.

Princess Mira: I have more power and skill than all of you.
Gentleman: It seems her tongue bites as hard as her stick.
Princess Mira: But even I cannot defeat the samurai on my own.
Gentleman: What's that?
Princess Mira: The only way to defeat him is to join forces and attack him together, all at once.
I: A wise and powerful plan this would be...
Am: ...but who is the one to claim the bounty?
Princess Mira: I am.
[the others object]

Princess Mira: Have you always been this stupid?
Boris: Yes!! (pause) What? Uh, huh?

The Scotsman Saves Jack, Part 1[edit]

The Scotsman: I see you changed your wardrobe. Got tired o' wearin' your granny's jammies, were ya?

The Scotsman: I got a bad feelin' about this.

Scotsman: You're the defender of truth, freedom, and talking dogs!

Scotsman: You're the greatest warrior that ever lived, besides me!

Scotsman: Fishmen – I don't like fishmen!

The Scotsman: Is she a fast ship?
Captain: She's fast enough for you, Scotsman. Where ya headed?
The Scotsman: The Great Unknown.
Sailors: Ooooooooooh...
Captain: Arr, that's the real trick, isn't it? And it's gonna cost ya. Ten Thousand, in advance.
Samurai Jack/Brent Worthington: Like ten thousand? Dude, we could like almost buy our own ship for that. Dude, I know this guy...
Captain: Yeah... but who's gonna sail it, kid? You?
Jack/Brent Worthington: Well, like, yeah, I could. I worked on a boat before.

Scotsman: Heckbucket Seaport. Ye will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy . . . and the crabcakes aren't bad either!

The Scotsman Saves Jack, Part 2[edit]

Scotsman: You're all tone-deaf! A banshee can carry a tune at least! The sound of breakin' glass has more rhythm! I've heard pigs squeal better'n you!

Jack: I am forever in your debt.
Scotsman: Ah, don't mention it. So how've you been?
Jack: [slips back into Brent's voice] Like, totally cool.
Scotsman: What?
[they both laugh it up]

Jack: A test of strength perhaps?
Scotsman: Oh, no, I remember last time. You cheated.
Jack: I do not cheat.
Scotsman: Perhaps not, but you sure don't play by the rules!

Scotsman: That's it! She-dogs must pay!

Scotsman: Sounds like a cat getting stepped on! Sounds like a lot of cats getting stepped on!

Jack: My friend, you have done so much already. Allow me to honor your deeds. I shall row.
Scotsman: Nice try - I'm drivin'.

Jack: Jump good.
Scotsman: Yeah, yeah.

(upon noticing a giant skull-shaped island)
Scotsman: Well now, you don't see that every day.

Scotsman: Yeah, keep walking, zombie boy.

Jack and the Flying Prince and Princess (The Winged Children)[edit]

Verbina: Aren't you a little short for a demonic minion?
Jack: Hm? Oh, the uniform. [rips off his disguise] I am called Jack and I am here to rescue you.

Aku: Yes, chamberlain, what pitiable persons have you brought before my all-enshrouding Aku-ishness?

Verbina: You don't know how to fly this thing, do you?
Jack: Uhh. . . . I like to walk.

Astor: I have a bad feeling about this.

Chitron 6: [Aku is rubbing his thumb and index finger together as if playing a tiny violin] You can't do that! These are royal heirs to the throne of Chrystalis. You can't just...

[Aku uses crushes Chitron 6 under his thumb]

Verbina: Chitron!
Aku: Oh, I certainly can! I am Aku! This world is Aku and everything in it is Aku!

Verbina: We really did it! Oh, thank you, Jack. Thank you!

Astor: Yes, Jack. Thank you.
Verbina: You risked your life to help us, but yet, we are strangers. How can we possibly show our gratitude?
Jack: Save your home.
Verbina: [her brother and her are shocked] What?
Jack: We're not such strangers as you may think. Our stories are very much similar and alike. For you see...I, too, was a prince. Given charge to save my land. But I...I could not let your story end like mine. [grips hand into a fist, shaking with anger] With Aku!

[Verbina puts her hands on Jack's hand to calm him down. She smiles as he smiles at her]

Verbina: Your story's not over yet.
Jack: [giving his best regards to them] Go to your people. There is not much time to lose.
Astor/Verbina: [bowing in respect] Yes, Your Majesty.
Astor: [he flies into the ship] Wing well, Jack!
Verbina: [she does the same] We won't forget you!

[as they fly off, they wave goodbye to Jack and he waves back to them]

Jack vs. Aku[edit]

Aku: Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for about a week. And then we'll do the same thing all over again.
Jack: Your word play will not trick me, villain! [he goes to attack Aku]
Aku: No, wait! [Aku transforms into a demonic looking bird] I'll be back again, Samurai - you'll see! Haaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... [flutters over the horizon then reappears] See what I mean?

Aku: [dials phone number] Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Yes, I can hold. Yes, I would like to place an order for delivery. Aku. I think I'm in the computer. Yes, that's it. I'd like a large... What?? Huh? Extra thick! 30 minutes or it's free - excellent! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

Jack: That pillar did not move by itself, Aku!
Aku: [shiftily] Yes, it did!

Jack: One, no superhuman powers. Two, no evil minions to assist you. And three, no shapeshifting. You come in human form.
Aku: Hey, that was four things!
Jack: The last one was a two-parter.

Aku: Say goodbye to your little toy, Jack! (starts bending his sword) Once and for... (the sword turns to dust) ...huh? A fake!?
Jack: That's right, Aku! You see, I'm smart and you are pure evil...and I knew you would cheat. So I had a fake sword made and hid it under that rock over there! (it shows the rock, with a confused minion next to it) Then I hid the real sword right down... (notices the sword is gone, then looks up to find another minion holding it) ...here.
Aku: You see, Jack, I knew that you knew I would cheat, so I came prepared. And now you will learn what it means to be a fool!
Jack: I am afraid that you are the fool, Aku!
Aku: Why?
Jack: Because I knew that you knew that I knew that you knew that I knew you would cheat! (Aku looks on with confusion/shock) So I hid fake swords all over this place! (grins slyly)

Jack: Aku!
Aku: Yes, it is I, Samurai Jack. [Aku rolls his eyes] How incredibly *observant* you are.

Jack: Then hit me if you can.

(Jack reads a note from Aku)
Note from Aku: Dear Jack – Look Behind You. Love, Aku.

Aku: Coulda – shoulda – woulda. It's all part of life's sweet sorrow.

Aku: You're so lucky, Samurai. Most of us have to live with our mistakes, but you get to DIE by yours!

Aku: I'll be back, Samurai! [laughs evilly]
Jack: And I will be waiting, Aku. For no matter how long it may take, I will stop you.

The Seasons of Death[edit]

Spring: What is your quest, young servant? What brings you through such bitter lands?
Jack: My destiny... But it continues to be elusive. And so I journey on.

Spring: Is it not true…that even the gods…must rest…from time…to time?
Jack: It is true.
Spring: And you... are not... a god.
Jack: No.
Spring: Then why deny yourself? It serves no purpose.

Spring: I see…you. I see…inside…of you. A gentle soul. A…compassionate heart. A warrior's spirit. In selfless service. It is in your nature to sacrifice all…for what is right. Forever giving, you…are a hero.

The Tale of X9[edit]

X-9: Seems like Aku got himself a little problem... a problem that won't go away... a samurai problem. I wanted nothing to do with it but that funny scientist informed Aku of my emotions. They got Lulu... sweet thing. I have no choice. Damn feelings. I came out of retirement.

X-9: Lulu... Sweet thing... I miss her. I hate the rain. It makes me all... sentimental.

X-9: [after been defeated by Jack, about his dog] Lulu. Take care of Lulu... [pause] Sweet thing.

Young Jack in Africa[edit]

African Chief: Your father, the Emperor, shortly after you were born, gathered together the chiefs of all the great tribes of the world. We devised a plan. A plan that would prepare you for the ultimate battle against the ultimate evil. Aku must be destroyed and only you can wield your father's magic sword. Together you are the one instrument that can stop this evil.

Jack and the Baby[edit]

Mom: Momotaro!

Mom: Thank you, kind sir, for returning our baby to us! [sees the baby is now quiet and stern] My baby... what happened to him?
Jack: I am afraid your son has seen many things on our travels. And he has now achieved Sakai. The spirit of the samurai.

Season Five[edit]

XCII[edit]

The High Priestess: Seven daughters to do your biding, Master. They shall succeed where so many others have failed! And we will have favor in your glory.

The High Priestess: [catches Ashi taking a peek outside] Bask in the glory of what our master has created. Admire its beauty, but know that the samurai is out there leaving a wake of devastation wherever he goes. That's why, my sweet Ashi, the Daughters of Aku must stay focused. Never relent, always attack. [throws Ashi towards a giant priestess] Teach this one a lesson!

High Priestess: Are you weak? Are you weak?! Are you weak!!? (Young Ashi gets up and continues) Good. The fire of Aku stirs inside all of you.

High Priestess: Any mistake is certain death, and death is their failure.

High Priestess: [after her daughters have completed their training] Your training is complete. Go! Kill! You are seven, but now you wear the face of one. One purpose for which you were born: To kill the Samurai!!

Scaramouch: [upon meeting Jack for the first time] Samurai Jack! Man, it is good to see you, babe! What took you so long? I decimated this village days ago. Just for you! Oh, wait a minute. This is you, right? I mean, who could recognize you with all that gear and ruggedness, baby? I'll tell you who. Me! [scats and in sing song voice] Scaramouch the Merciless! [normal voice] The Pied Piper of Ruination, the Crooner of Carnage, the Ambassador of Annihilation, the Eradicator of All, baby! Otherwise known as...Aku's most favorite assassin, babe. Oh, there it is, babe. The world famous scowl. Well, come on, Sammy baby, whip it out! You know what I'm talking about. That cra-a-azy sword of yours. Let's get slicin' and dicin', hackin' and slashin', swingin' and bashin', babe! [notices something off] Wait, back off a sec there, beardsly. [points down to Jack's waist] Where...is your sword? Huh? I don't see it. Oh? [chuckles a bit] No, no, no, no, NO, babe! Don't tell me. You lost...your sword? [Jack flashes back to the moment he lost his sword when he accidentally dropped it in a green abyss]
Scaramouch: [snorting laughter] Okay, Jacky baby, you just make with the scowl while I make with the phone and call up Aku. [he gets out his phone and makes beep sounds while dialing for Aku]
Aku: [picks up the phone] Who is this?!
Scaramouch: Aku, baby! How's it hangin', boss? Guess what I jus--
[Scaramouch gets attacked by Samurai Jack and their fight begins]
Aku: What??? HELLO!?

XCIII[edit]

[Aku wakes up and does some stretches]
Host: Master, new arrivals have come to offer tribute!
[Aku rises to see a group of mud aliens]
Mud Alien: O, Great Shogun of Sorrow, Master of All Masters, you have allowed us to inhabit this world, and for that, we are forever grateful.
[as the Mud Alien continues, Aku notices him dripping mud on the floor, making him frustrated]
Mud Alien: [as another mud alien pushes a mud statue of Aku's likeness] We offer you a special tribute.
Aku: STOP! L-Look at what you are doing! You're getting yourselves all over the floor!
Mud Alien: Uh....
Aku: I just had it vacuumed! Out! OUT! GET OUT!!
[as the mud aliens flee, a group of mad scientists appear]
Mad Scientist: Master... Master, we've done it. May I introduce.... the most epic version of the beetle drone yet! [hologram shows a humongous beetle drone]
Aku: And I care because?
Mad Scientist: B-Because the samurai...You've wanted to kill him since forever. He's the bane of your existence.
Aku: Oh! That was the old Aku! This is the new Aku! And he really doesn't care about a pathetic samurai who wanders around like a mad fool. [laughs] It's hilarious. Really! Look, I tell you what. You want to destroy him? Go ahead. Who cares? I certainly don't. Not one bit at all.
[Aku is lying down on a chair talking to a psychiatrist version of himself]
Dr. Aku: So, tell me what's been bothering you.
Aku: Well, you see, Doc, it's been over 50 years already.
Dr. Aku: It's been that long?
Aku: Yes. You see, that's the actual problem. Once I eradicated all the time portals, I thought I would just wait it out, and then the Samura—
Dr. Aku: We don't say his name here. It is a safe place.
Aku: Yes, yes... sorry, Doctor​. Well, I-I just assumed that eventually over time, he would just—
Aku and Dr. Aku: DIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!!!!
[Aku slumps down on the chair]
Aku: But he hasn't even aged. I mean, like, at all. He just grew that stupid beard, and it looks like he'll be here forever!! I...I just don't know if I can handle that.
[his eyebrows and beard are put out]
Dr. Aku: Yes, it seems that the initial time travel has affected the ageing process. It's quite the conundrum.
Aku: Yes... Eh, what is that again?
Dr. Aku: Just a confusing or difficult problem.
Aku: Yes. Problem. I wish there was someone who can dispose of my problem.
Aku and Dr. Aku: Yes. One can hope.

[after escaping from the Daughters of Aku, Jack hides and is confronted by a blue apparition of his former self]
Past Jack: It's time to end it, don't you think?
Jack: Never. They are just machines. I'll find a way. I always have.
Past Jack: When you had the sword, but now it's gone! There's no hope!
Jack: I've been doing fine without it.
Past Jack: Well, listen to you. And what are you going to do when Aku finds you and realizes you have no sword!?
Jack: Aku doesn't know, and he hasn't shown himself in years. He keeps thinking that one of his machines can defeat me.
Past Jack: Maybe he's right. You haven't faced anything so powerful! How much longer can you keep this up?!
Jack: It always seems bad at first, but then I find a way. They're just nuts and bolts... Just nuts and bolts.
Past Jack: Who cares anymore?! There's no way home! There's nothing to fight for! There's no more honor! Come to think of it, the only honorable thing to do is...
Jack: Quiet.
Past Jack: NO! I WON'T SPEND ETERNITY IN THIS FORSAKEN TIME!!
Jack: What do you want from me?
Past Jack: I want it to end. Aren't you tired? Wouldn't it be great to be free of all of this? Our ancestors are waiting for us. They want you to join them.
[Jack sees through the crack; he sees the silhouette of a horned knight on horseback in the green mist and a temple behind them]
Jack: There.
Past Jack: You'll never make it! They'll get you!
Jack: I'll make it.

XCIV[edit]

Emperor: The decisions you make and the actions that follow are a reflection of who you are. You cannot hide from yourself.

[Jack is freezing and sweating in the cold night]
Past Jack: Look at you.
[Jack sees his blue self with a monstrous-looking face and pointed teeth; he points at Jack's face]
Past Jack: You survived worse. [Jack groans] This isn't about your pathetic little cut. It's about that girl you killed! [Jack keeps groaning] We've never killed a human before, have we? Sure, mountains of robot corpses. But this? This was the first human being. Real flesh and blood. [zips to the hole] What happens when the others find you? You'll have to kill them, too. Can you? [zips back to Jack] Will you be able to when the time comes? Maybe they will kill you... Or is that what you want?
Jack: [groans] No...

[the Daughters of Aku suddenly hear Jack's voice in the snowy forest]
Jack: You have chosen this path. Life works in strange and mysterious ways. Your choices have clearly led you here, as have mine. I will give you a new choice: Leave here now and live... or stay and face your destiny.
Daughter: Our destiny is your death!
Jack: So... I guess you're staying. Perhaps I was unclear.
Unnamed Daughter: Enough words! Show yourself, Samurai, so you can die!
Jack: Very well. The decisions you make and the actions that follow are a reflection—
Unnamed Daughter: Shut up!
Jack: ...Of who you truly are.

[Jack is holding Ashi on her chain to a white abyss]
Ashi: You worthless scum! I will kill you! You can never escape from Aku! You will die! You will die a horrible death! And Aku will sing, for he is free of the parasite that you are! Die, Samurai! DIE, SAMURAI!! DIE, DIE, DIE!! YOU WILL DIIIIEE!!!

XCV[edit]

[Jack walks to Ashi being tangled in her own weapon's chain, swinging back and forth]
Ashi: Die! Die!! Why won't you die?! Scum!! Aku will be triumphant!! I will undo the evil that is you, Samurai!! I will kill you! As long as I have breath in my body, I will strike you down!! Long live the glory of Aku!!
Jack: ...You are very troubled, and very confused. Aku is the evil one, not me. I have known of machines that are programmed with such hate and lies, but never a human.
Ashi: Deceiver!! Worm!! Scum!!
Jack: Now you're just repeating yourself.
[Ashi starts growling angrily]
[Jack sits down on the snowy ground, thinks for a bit]
Jack: (to himself) I wonder if it is possible for her to believe that Aku is evil and not me.
Ashi: Lecherous snake!
Jack: Mm, perhaps not.

[Jack walks through the insides of the giant monster carrying Ashi on his back]
Ashi: By Aku's will, you will die in here! There is no hope for you, foolish samurai! Aku is the Master of Masters and will end you!! Your death is certain! Aku desires it!! Aku has made a world of wonders and you have soiled it!! Whatever you have planned for me, I will never buckle, never waver!! Aku is the father of all fathers!! His greatness cannot be measured!! You are a parasite, Samurai, feeding off Aku's generosity!! Aku, my master, this fool knows not of your greatness, your kindness, your understanding!!
Jack: ENOUGH!!! Every thing, every word, every thought that you know is wrong!! Aku - Aku is the one who has laid waste to the beauty of this land!! He has destroyed mother nature!! Where do you think we are?! Aku has summoned these monstrosities into our world and they feed off his carnage!
Ashi: LIAR!!
Jack: Believe what you may. But if you open your eyes and let go of the hate, you will see the truth.
Ashi: Die.

Ashi: No, I will never stop!
Jack: Yes, yes, I know. 'Till your dying breath.

Jack: [Jack is wearing arm and ankle gauntlets and chest plate that has purple or blue fur on the back of the plate] I like the back fur!
Ashi: You look hideous.
Jack: From you, "hideous" is quite acceptable. Thank you.

Jack: Seems simple enough. Use the flying creatures to escape, and not fall into the pool of acid. Right.

Ashi: My lord and master, Aku, may it please you for all eternity. The samurai is dead.
Jack: Umm, I'm right here.

[Jack and Ashi are covered in red needles]
Jack: Well... uh, I guess we should... get this over with.
[Jack begins pulling the needles off himself and Ashi one by one; as he does this, Ashi gives Jack an angry glare]
Jack: You know, many people pay money for this. It's called... acupuncture.
[Ashi continues glaring at Jack; clearly, she is not amused]
Jack: Never mind.

[Ashi remembers how a ladybug had caught her attention, once before, as a child]
High Priestess: Ashi. These frivolous distractions are poisonous for your mission. They are not part of Aku's order. Not part of Aku's order.

XCVI[edit]

[inside of his lair, Aku sits angrily in his throne as an army raid is attacking from the outside]

Aku: Can somebody please...STOP ALL THAT NOISE?!
Host: I am sorry, sire, but it seems as though we're under attack!
Aku: [surprised a bit] Under attack? Hmm... [as Aku thinks, he straightens his red goatee]

[Aku then reaches out for one of his spiked blocks and pulls it aside to reveal this zipper, he zips down the zipline down to reveal the Scotsman's army attacking and trying to destroy his lair]

Aku: Hmm... Perhaps annihilating this scum will break me out of my...malaise.

[Aku then proceeds to leave his lair, Aku style]


[after Aku decimates the Scotsman's army]
Scotsman: You know what? This was a bad idea! Time to go, girls!
Flora: But, Dad-
Scotsman: No arguing! Go! [his daughters hesitate, but begin running] I'll stall him while you escape.
[Aku finishes destroying the army, and groans in annoyance, before noticing the Scotsman's daughters on the run]
Aku: Eh, better to make it a complete annihilation!
Scotsman: Hold it! You're not going anywhere, ya big buffoon!
Aku: I'm sorry, old man. I think you are lost.
The Scotsman: I ain't lost, ye tree lugger! I might be old, but I've lived long enough to see the world rise against your tyranny! Admit it, ya big oaf! You're scared! The Samurai is still out there inspiring people by the thousands! After all these years, you're powerless against him! You been shiverin' like a wee baby hiding in your crib, afraid to show yourself 'cause you know he's out there! And you can't do anything about it! AH-HA-HA-HA! You're just a big baby! Why don't you go cry to your mama!?
[Annoyed, Aku's red laser eye-beams incinerate the Scotsman to dust, as his horrified daughters watch from a distance]
Flora: No... Dad!
Aku: [smiles, but then scowls] Now why did he have to bring up the Samurai? Ugh!
[he then retreats back to his tower]

[Scotsman's seventeen orange-haired daughters approach their father's ashes, and stick his broken Celtic sword in the ground]
Flora: We will avenge you, Father! (crying) And we will never forget you!
[the ghost/spirit of the Scotsman suddenly arises from the ashes]
Scotsman's Spirit: Ha ha ha! I be back! And in me prime no less!
Flora: (overjoyed) Dad? You live!
Scotsman's Ghost: Ha! Eh, kinda.
Flora: B-But...how?
Scotsman's Spirit: Oh me darlin' Heather Blossoms! Celtic magic!
[The mystical runes on the hilt of the Scotsman's sword glow blue-white]
Flora: What's next, Father?
Scotsman's Ghost: We'll regroup, and plan to fight another day. We'll amass a bigger army. We'll find Jack and finally defeat that big baby Aku!

(The masked face of Ashi's mother appears on the full moon)
The High Priestess: Ashi! What are you doing!? The Samurai sleeps. Kill him in his slumber before he wakes.
Ashi: No!! I have questions, Mother. The Samurai- He saved my life. He...
The High Priestess: How dare you!! You know he is deceitful. He will do everything in his power to defy the Master! You were always the weak one-Distracted, unfocused!! May Aku punish for your sins!
Ashi: I just want to know the truth.
The High Priestess: You have failed us.
(Her facial image on the Moon disappears, leaving Ashi's surroundings in broad daylight)

Jack: What do you want?
Ashi: The truth.
Jack: I have already told you the truth.
Ashi: Show me!
Jack: No.
Ashi: No?! What do you mean no!? You tell me that everything I know is wrong, but refuse to prove any of it!! You're afraid! Afraid that I will see you as a liar!!
Jack: You are too blinded by Aku's hate. You won't change.
Ashi: What do you know of me? Everything I have endured until this moment!? You know nothing, Samurai. You are just a lowly, soulless pig!!
Jack: Very well. I will show you. Sit please.
(Ashi sits across from him at the campsite's fire. Nothing happens)
Ashi: Well!? When do we start!?
Jack: In the morning. Have patience.
(Ashi growls in frustration and retreats to higher ground)

(After seeing places that show countless evidence of Aku's devastation and ruin)
Ashi: Enough! I have seen enough!
Jack: Now do you believe?
Ashi: Yes. What can we do?
Jack: Nothing.
Ashi: (incredulous) Nothing!? What do you mean by nothing!? We have to do something!!
Jack: I have fought Aku for ages. I've seen countless innocents die. I have lived this nightmare for what seems an eternity. There is no way to destroy him. There is no hope...and no way out.

(The blue alien children start to go berserk and attack)
Ashi: Something has to be controlling them. That sound!
Jack: Go! Destroy the source!

Dominator: [walks up to a restrained Ashi] Well, well, well... What do we have here? A little samurai sympathizer. [he squeezes her cheeks together] And quite the pretty one. [he chuckles sadistically]

(Ashi is relieved when the blue alien children prove to alright by regaining their consciousness and freed from the mind control)

Ashi: We did it! Samurai, we saved them! (Ashi becomes concerned that Jack is nowhere to be seen) Samurai? Samurai??
Ashi: [worried] SAMURAI JAAAAAACK!

XCVII[edit]


1st Woolie: Are you sure she was the one? Aku's bounty hunter?
(The two Woolies attempt to crush Ashi between them, but she escapes unharmed)
2nd Woolie: We will not let you hurt the Samurai!
Ashi: (surprised) Hurt? I don't... (and then speaks calmly) Look, I'm not trying to hurt him. I'm trying to find him. I think he's in trouble.
2nd Woolie: You are...his friend?
Ashi: [conflicted with her feelings] I...don't know.
2nd Woolie: We are his friends. It was long ago that we were slaves. And then he came. Jack saved us.

Scaramouch: [reading a sign] "Aku's Current Top Assassins: 1. Deathblow 2. Da Bomb! 3. Scaramouch"?! Oh baby, I have come down in the world. Well, how do you like that? One day you're the star of the show, the next you're the third act of a two-act play.

Ashi: Has anyone seen the Samurai?
Olivia: What do you want with the Samurai?
Ashi: I...I think he might be in danger. He needs my help.

[Scaramouch's head boards a ship with a body]
Scaramouch: Who o-hoo! Numero Uno, here I come!
[a voice inside Scaramouch's head clears his throat, takes Scaramouch off his tiny phallic head]
Tiny Head Man: That's 50 credits, bud.
Scaramouch: Trust me, babe, I'm good for it.
Tiny Head Man: Yeah? [puts him down] Well, the last guy I trusted did this to me! [walks off]
Scaramouch: Oh, it's all good, baboo. Aku will give me anything once he hears the news.
[starts humming/scatting for a beat]
Scaramouch: Whoa! What a freak. Looked like a talking penis.

[Ashi is surrounded by former bounty hunters and warriors in Da Samurai's bar]

Armor-Plated Warrior: Little girl, Samurai Jack is the toughest S.O.B. out there. The last time we fought he did (removes his helmet to reveal a spaghetti-wired head with googly eyes and gnarled teeth mouth and speaks in a light voice) this to me!
Viking Robot: (covered in band aids) That's nothing. Check me out. These things are literally holding me together! (one of the Warriors removes his band aid, causing his left arm to fall off) Dude, really?
Maui-like Warrior: (yelling loudly) I USED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, BUT NOW I GO IN A BAG!!!!
Popeye-like Robot: He busted me eye!

[Ashi stares in surprise, but turns to Da Samurai as he speaks up]

Da Samurai: Man, these robotic cats got nothin' on me! 'Cause back in the the day, I was a bad-ass sa-mu-rai! I was Da Samurai! I was ALL about that slicin' and dicin'!

[it shows a montage of Da Samurai when he was younger]

Da Samurai: Talkin' 'bout the Funk-A-Chop! The Whack-A-Hack! And of course the world famous...Turkey Carve! [it shows a montage or younger Da Samurai doing his "famous" moves. After all that, as it shows an image of Jack, Da Samurai now speaks heartwarmingly] But Samurai Jack enlightened me to the true meanings of being a samurai. Shortly after, I gave up my blade and top knot and became the bartender here at the place where we first met.
Armor-Plated Warrior: Um... that doesn't sound bad at all.
Da Samurai: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GOT NO SOUL, YOU ROBOT FOOL!!!
Demonic Voice: I... have... RETURNED!!!!
[everyone turns around to see Demongo the Soul Collector]
Demongo: I, Demongo, have come to collect the souls of the greatest warriors! [pause as everyone stares at him] ...But I see I have come to the wrong place. [leaves]
Da Samurai: [whistles] We got some straight-up freaks comin' through this place.

Ghostly Female: Are you the one looking for the Samurai?
Ashi: Yes.
Ghostly Female: Are you his friend?
Ashi: (hesitates, then truthfully admits softly) Yes.
Ghostly Girl: Follow the path north.
Ashi: Who-?
(Ashi sees that the ghostly female is gone)

Ashi: Samurai? (she sees Jack and she's relieved) Samurai!
(She becomes very worried and frightened when she notices a sword laying before him)
Ashi: Jack?
The Omen: You may witness but you cannot not proceed any further.
Ashi: Witness? Witness what?
The Omen: The end.

(The spirits of fellow samurai from ages long past emerge)
The Omen: Great warriors of past, I will commune. This samurai has failed his purpose and accepted his fate.
(Still in a trance, Jack raises a sword, ready to take his own life; while Ashi watches in horror)
Ashi: Stop!
The Omen: This does not concern you. There is no hope.
Ashi: No! Hope lives. It is everywhere. I have seen it! Everyone you have touched, the people you have helped! You saved them!
Omen: Enough!! Hope is just a fleeting sentiment. Your failure is real. You must face the consequences or continue to bear the guilt of your dishonor for all eternity.
Ashi: Jack, don't listen!! You're being misguided!! I've seen it! You saved countless innocence, but most of all...you showed me the truth!! You made me see that there is so much more to me than I knew existed!! You made me way more than what I was!! (she is desperate now) THE HOPE YOU GAVE ME SAVED MY LIFE!!
The Omen: NO MORE WORDS!!!

Jack: (nervously) I, um...like your hair...and dress.
(Ashi smiles; touched at the compliment but then becomes serious)
Ashi: What now?
Jack: It is time...to find my sword.

XCVIII[edit]

(Jack is about to go into the spirit world to reclaim his magical sword)
Jack: I don't know how long this may take.
Ashi: I'll go with you.
Jack: No, you cannot. This is something I must do on my own.
Ashi: (slightly disappointed) Guess I'll just...wait here, then?

Ashi: (in an angry tone) Where do you think you're going?
Robot: Up the mountain to kill the Samurai! What's it to you?!
(Ashi glares and punches the robot)

XCIX[edit]

C[edit]

CI[edit]

External links[edit]

Adult Swim
  [2000s]     12 oz. Mouse  (2005–06)  ·  Aqua Teen Hunger Force  (2001–2015)  ·  Assy McGee  (2006–08)  ·  The Boondocks  (2005–2014)  ·  The Brak Show  (2001–03)  ·  Delocated  (2009–2013)  ·  The  
  Drinky Crow Show
 (2008–09)  ·  Fat Guy Stuck in Internet  (2008)  ·  Frisky Dingo  (2006–08)  ·  Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law  (2001–07)  ·  Home Movies  (2001–04)  ·  Lucy, the Daughter  
  of the Devil
 (2007)  ·  Metalocalypse  (2006–2013)  ·  Minoriteam  (2006)  ·  Moral Orel  (2005–08)  ·  Perfect Hair Forever  (2004–07)  ·  The Rising Son  (2009)  ·  Saul of the Mole Men  (2007)  ·   
  Sealab 2021  (2001–05)  ·  Space Ghost Coast to Coast  (2001–04)  ·  Stroker and Hoop  (2004–05)  ·  Superjail!  (2008–2014)  ·  Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!  (2007–2010)  ·  Tom  
  Goes to the Mayor
 (2004–06)  ·  Titan Maximum  (2009)  ·  Xavier: Renegade Angel  (2007–09)  
  [2010s]     Black Dynamite  (2012–15)  ·  China, IL  (2011–15)  ·  Eagleheart  (2011–14)  ·  The Greatest Event in Television History  (2012–14)  ·  The Jack and Triumph Show  (2015)  ·  King Star King  
   (2014)  ·  Loiter Squad  (2012–14)  ·  Mary Shelley's Frankenhole  (2010–12)  ·  Mongo Wrestling Alliance  (2011)  ·  NTSF:SD:SUV::  (2011–13)  ·  Soul Quest Overdrive  (2011)  ·  You're Whole  
   (2012–13)  
  [current]     Black Jesus  (since 2014)  ·  Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule  (since 2010)  ·  Childrens Hospital  (since 2010)  ·  The Eric Andre Show  (since 2012)  ·  FishCenter Live  (since 2014)  ·  The  
  Heart, She Holler
 (since 2011)  ·  Hot Package  (since 2013)  ·  Mike Tyson Mysteries  (since 2014)  ·  Mr. Pickles  (since 2014)  ·  Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter  (since 2015)  ·  Newsreaders  (since  
  2011)  ·  Off the Air  (since 2011)  ·  Rick and Morty  (since 2013)  ·  Robot Chicken  (since 2005)  ·  Squidbillies  (since 2005)  ·  The Venture Bros.  (since 2003)  ·  Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories  
  (since 2013)  ·  Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell  (since 2013)  
  [upcoming]     TV Sucks  ·  Samurai Jack