The Nostalgia Critic/Season 18
The Nostalgia Critic: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
Quotes from the 18th season of The Nostalgia Critic, which aired in 2025.
- Princess Pea: Oh, I wish it would rain. I wish there was soup again.
- Nostalgia Critic: 20 bucks say she laughed when she first tried saying that line.
- Narrator: And we'd tell you that they all lived happily ever after, but... what fun is that? [Despereaux falls and Critic edits in blood]
- Nostalgia Critic: Why can't most Broderick movies end that way? No, he flies away because Disney's lawyer somehow missed this film, and the movie ends.
- Lumière: You fall in love with her, she falls in love with you, we'll be human again by midnight.
- Mrs. Potts: It's not that easy, Lumière. These things take time.
- Nostalgia Critic: [showing the rushed romances in other Disney movies] In most cases it takes 3 days, maybe a month.
- Nostalgia Critic: When Gaston sees she has feelings for the Beast, he immediately tries to destroy him cuz that should win her over.
- Gaston: The Beast will make off with your children! He'll come after them in the night! We're not safe til his head is mounted on my wall!
- Nostalgia Critic: Tell us more, expert who a moment ago said he wasn't real.
- Nostalgia Critic: Yeah okay, let's talk about the Beast's human design. First off it's weird he doesn't get a human name. People tell me it's Adam, but if they don't say it in the movie, if he's credited as the Beast, I don't count it. Second, the director said because like Belle, we all fell in love with the Beast, no human design for the prince would ever be good enough. I don't think that's true. Look at him compared to the other Disney Princes, he just doesn't look right. He looks like a Prince of Egypt character drawn by a Quest for Camelot animator. When I was a little kid, my grandma was watching this with me and went "Ew turn him back to the buffalo dog".
- Nostalgia Critic: They have themselves a wizard's duel...
- Madam Mim: I win! I win!
- Nostalgia Critic: ...Which is pretty cool even if the scene is a little silly.
- [Saruman causes Gandalf to spin on his head as Critic adds in silly sounds]
- Nostalgia Critic: The next day they're on their way where they encounter the most epic toll stop ever constructed.
- Aragorn: [on the massive Argonath] Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old... my kin.
- [The next scene has a very slow frame rate]
- Nostalgia Critic: Let's follow it up with this really dated frame rate effect that looked terrible back then and looks even worse now.
- Nostalgia Critic: [on Wormtongue] He's played by Brad Dourif wearing a Play-Doh mask from the Gary Oldman and Danny DeVito villains playset.
- Éomer: How long is it since Saruman bought you? What was the promised price Gríma?
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Wormtongue, who's gazing lecherously at Éowyn] One day I'll be a blonde.
- [Aragorn kicks a helmet and gives a genuine scream of grief, as Viggo Mortensen actually broke his toe]
- Nostalgia Critic: Fun fact, Mortensen-
- Hades: I know!
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh, everybody's talked about the toe story that became a meme. Um well, did you know why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast C-
- Hades: I know!
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh it's also a meme. Um well, have you seen Bee Movie- [atomic explosion]
- Gimli: Salted pork?
- Nostalgia Critic: And this is the film where Gimli's handled the best. On that note don't let him and Treebeard talk. Might sound kind of weird.
- Éowyn: I am no man!
- Nostalgia Critic: You see... everything? [shows various mediocre female-led movies] That's how it's done!
- Nostalgia Critic: And okay this is where the onslaught of endings start, and as a rule I think you're allowed one fake out. When this fade to black happened, some people actually started applauding like that might be it, but then we fade back and see the eagle saved them.
- Nostalgia Critic: But yes we still have to wrap up these pointless subplots Like Gandalf and his crew looking like Hogwarts teachers fighting in a Power Rangers episode, Freckles and what's-his-name finishing up their lame romance...
- Tauriel: Why does it hurt so much?
- Thranduil: Because it was real.
- Nostalgia Critic: You knew him for a day!
- [Legolas defies the laws of physics by jumping on falling rocks]
- Nostalgia Critic: Bet you didn't know the elves were part Mario Brother! [replays scene with the video game sounds added]
- Nostalgia Critic: This starts the one song I do genuinely enjoy, "I Will Go Sailing No More". It captures the right tone, it's sad, it has a decent melody, it's a song so good even Randy's voice can't ruin it. [shows some of the song] But god does he try! He sounds like Will Sasso's impression of him!
- Buzz Lightyear: Don't you get it?! You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbitt!
- Nostalgia Critic: [as Buzz, showing Boo from Monsters, Inc.] I'm telling you this kid is weird, she's talking about monsters in her closet when she was younger, she's all messed up!
- Nostalgia Critic: [on Scud] Yeah for as bad as the people look in this, the animals look 10 times worse. My god that looks like a whale banged a cow. He's the kind of thing you show Foodfight! to make it feel better about itself.
- Man: Well, who do you think built the pyramids?
- Daniel Jackson: I don't have any idea who built them.
- Man: Martians perhaps? Men from Atlantis?
- Nostalgia Critic: [shows Stargate Atlantis] Spoilers!
- Nostalgia Critic: 2 years and they couldn't just go through every possible combination order? I mean yeah, there's a lot of symbols, it would take a while, but 2 years? [shows Rubik's Cube] That's like saying scientists studied this ancient device for decades. We'll never figure out how to get one side one color!
- Daniel Jackson: Tastes like chicken. Tastes like [makes bawking noises]
- Nostalgia Critic: He insults our chicken god, decapitate him! It turns out writing is forbidden. I mean, after reading an Emmerich script I'd make that law too.
- Nostalgia Critic: [On an upskirt shot] Barry gets stuck on a tennis ball and... okay, is that his wing or are they borderline Roger Rabbit VHSing this?
- Montgomery: What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks?
- Nostalgia Critic: I don't know, sure. Let's be Ren and Stimpy for 2 seconds.
- Nostalgia Critic: Even Gobber, who Hiccup works for and would usually just be throwaway comic relief, has a lot of moments where you can tell he really does care for him.
- Gobber: It's not so much what you look like. It's what's inside that he can't stand.
- Hiccup: [as Toothless tries to throw off Astrid] Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile.
- Nostalgia Critic: Ah, Disney's reaction after releasing any movie about a dinosaur. [shows Dinosaur and The Good Dinosaur]
International Commercials
[edit]- Bud: [repeating line nonstop] It's right here.
- Eddy: [repeating line nonstop] Show it.
- Nostalgia Critic: That felt like dialogue he would dub in a martial arts movie.
- Nostalgia Critic: Aw, it's a beautiful little... boy cow. [on the udders] I'm sorry, what are those if that's a male?
- All-American Boy: Remember when we used to use real citizens?
- Professor Medulla: Yes.
- Nostalgia Critic: What is wrong with you if you don't think that's hilarious?
- Royal Pain: Royal Pain wasn't my mother. Royal Pain is me!
- Will: Oh my god. I made out with an old lady.
- Nostalgia Critic: I know it's a joke, but it's kind of disturbing.
- [Garfield is watching a film consisting of cheap still shots]
- Woman: I think I was meant to be here tonight because I was meant to meet you.
- Man: I think we were meant to be.
- Woman: That's what I meant to say.
- Man: You had me at the word "meant".
- Nostalgia Critic: [shows Canadians from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut] Ah, a Canadian production.
- Garfield: You've obviously never been in an Olive Garden that's run out of breadsticks.
- Nostalgia Critic: Yeah. Can this restaurant take the money it uses on product placement and put it into creating actual good food?
- Larry: How you doing, Don?
- Don: [played by Paul Rudd] Good.
- Nostalgia Critic: Just getting ready to basically play your part in the first third of Ant-Man.
- Gus: Where is he? I'll beat him with my fist!
- Nostalgia Critic: That is literally how Mickey Rooney reacted when they woke him up. They just kept it in the movie.
- Larry: No limb ripping okay?
- Attila The Hun: Makeekaka?
- Larry: [granting permission to the horror of Dick Van Dyke's character] Makeekaka.
- Nostalgia Critic: Let's just say it might only be called the Van Dyke show from now on.
- Judy: A gangly dude that had this habit of using the word "like". Almost as if he was some middle aged man's idea of how a teenage hippie talks.
- Nostalgia Critic: Will Forte's in his 50s.
- Shaggy: Like drop some F bombs.
- Blue Falcon: Hey man whoa. Let's keep it PG.
- Nostalgia Critic: Even that's hanging on by a thread.
- Dick Dastardly: Dick. Dick! DIIIIIIIIICK!!!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Review Revisit)
[edit]- [Father Christmas gives the Pevensie children weapons]
- Lucy: Told you he was real.
- Nostalgia Critic: Knowing that armed man watches me and sneaks into my house at night. I'm very comforted by that.
- Nostalgia Critic: [when Aslan gets killed, Critic shows Brave Heart Lion and the Braveheart film] We're going to make the ending of Brave Heart the ending of Braveheart! Aslan's death is appropriately rough for a PG film. [shows face melt from Raiders of the Lost Ark] I mean my PG does melting faces, but this is still pretty effective.
- Nostalgia Critic: Also, this is one of the best unintentionally funny deaths ever.
- Susan: Edmund! [shoots a dwarf with an arrow, causing him to scream weirdly]
- Nostalgia Critic: It gets a laugh. Every single screening of this I've ever been to. Even the kids on the commentary laugh.
- Nostalgia Critic: [shows ugly Antz-based toys] No, when marketing realizes they have to make toys out of us that's going to be a rough day.
- Z: Yowch.
- Nostalgia Critic: Could they really not come up with a better catchphrase?
- Weaver: You da ant!
- Nostalgia Critic: [replaces "Yowch" shirt with "You da ant" shirt] That definitely answers that. Yeah, cancel the other warehouse orders.
- Nostalgia Critic: Even rhymes that sometimes are a little off still end up working out. Like I always thought this was an odd one.
- Everglots: That our daughter with a face / of an otter in disgrace
- Nostalgia Critic: [shows Victoria's boring face] But really look at her. That is kind of a fair assessment.
- Nostalgia Critic: Maybe if Victor and Victoria sung a song about how they suddenly find themselves liking each other. That would also be interesting. But as it is, we just get this pointless old dance that you could cut and miss nothing. And Victor rather suddenly decides Victoria is perfect for him. Guess being engaged to the dead will do that to you.