NCIS (season 14)
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- FBI Special Agent Tobias Fornell: I am in love with this new sofa. It's like being hugged by a microfiber cloud.
- Gibbs: I wouldn't know. I haven't been able to sit in it yet.
- Alexandra Quinn: [sarcastically claps] Gibbs, I came to offer my congratulations. Eight rejected agents in the last three months. That's a new record for you.
- [The team are discussing missing undercover NCIS Agent Nick Torres]
- Quinn: I'm not surprised he ended up in undercover. He was unattached, he was persuasive, he was clever, a bit unstable.
- Ellie Bishop: You just described a sociopath.
- Quinn: Yeah, but only the good kind.
- Bishop: That's not a thing...
- Bishop: Torres spent eight years doing nothing but undercover work. Why?
- Quinn: Different strokes. He probably views a desk job as a fate worse than death. Me? I get my kicks screaming at probies.
- Bishop: Yeah, but Torres is in deep. Who knows what sort of things he had to do to maintain his cover? And then when the mission ends, he still has to carry that with him.
- Quinn: So do you, and Gibbs and McGee. Every action we take has a consequence.
Being Bad (14.2)
- [Friday night. Torres notices McGee and Bishop rushing to pack up and leave.]
- McGee: We gotta go. Talk to you on Monday.
- Torres: Oh, you guys are late to spinning class or something?
- Bishop: Uh, no, Gibbs is famous for coming in just before the weekend starts and saying––
- Gibbs: [walks into the room] Grab your gear.
- McGee: That a well-timed illustration, boss?
- Gibbs: [ignores McGee] Got a death in Quantico.
- Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard: The teenage years are fraught with peril. The frontal cortex is responsible for self-regulation. It develops gradually over adolescence. Unfortunately, in some adults, well, it never occurs.
- Ducky: [talking over the body of Bruno, the suspect] In some ways, Bruno, I envy you. When I was a child, I often fancied living the life of a daring cat burglar. Fortunately for me, yeah, at age of nine, on my maiden voyage, I fell off our neighbor's roof, yeah. Landed on my coccyx. And that was the end of that.
- Torres: [looking at the photos of the suspects] Who are these people? Living double lives like this? I mean, yeah, I mean, I I lived as someone else, for the most of the last decade, but I had an excuse, I was, uh I was undercover. Which version is the real them?
- Gibbs: Which version is the real you?
- Torres: You're looking at it.
- Gibbs: Am I? You created all those covers. It wasn't random.
- Torres: [laughs] Wait, you're saying that a part of me wanted to be a, uh, mafia-tied, vegan juice-bar owner? [Gibbs smirks in response]
Privileged Information (14.3)
- Ducky: But why is Gibbs so doubtful it was a suicide?
- Abby Sciuto: Well, Sergeant Hill was seeing a shrink, who hinted that there might be something else, but ethically couldn't divulge anything else to him.
- Jimmy Palmer: He couldn't break her with his look? I'm intimidated by Gibbs.
- Juan the parrot: Gibbs! Gibbs!
- Ducky: Ah, you do talk!
- Abby: [sheepishly] Yep, and a little bit too much sometimes, huh?
- [Gibbs catches Fornell looking at Hill's case file instead of resting.]
- Gibbs: What are you doing, Tobias? I hid this file.
- Fornell: Not very well. I'm bored.
- Gibbs: It's a classified government file.
- Fornell: I'm a classified government guy. Come on! Throw me a bone. Anything, will you? Let me help you. Can't watch another cooking show.
- [Juan the parrot escaped from Abby's lab and flew around the squad room.]
- Torres: Wow. Juan flew over the cuckoo's nest.
Love Boat (14.4)
- [After interviewing a celebrity on board the aircraft carrier]
- Gibbs: You get more than fashion tips?
- Quinn: Yeah. Claustrophobia.
- [Bishop enters the squadroom and is surprised to see Torres at McGee's desk, typing.]
- Torres: Hey, would you ask Superman to do your taxes?
- Bishop: Um..
- Torres: Or LeBron James to babysit your kid? Would you do that?
- Bishop: Yeah, I bet he's good with kids.
- Torres: You do understand my point, right?
- Bishop: No. Does it have something to do with why you're using McGee's computer?
- Torres: Yeah. He asked me to input the names from the ship's manifest into the system. So if anything pops up, then we get an alert.
- Bishop: Oh. That's a good idea.
- Torres: Yeah, it's a fantastic idea, except it's a mis-usage of my superpowers.
- Bishop: Which are...?
- Torres: Kicking down doors, breaking through windows. The tango.
Shell Game (14.6)
- McGee: [about his email account issues] It's like it disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle of electronic transmissions.
- Torres: McGee, just turn it off and on; that's what I do.
- Bishop: [sees Quinn looking around the front flowerbed] So you're what-- gardening?
- Quinn: Nope. There's always a spare key. And it's never under the mat anymore, but it is here. I call it front-stoop fishing.
Home of the Brave (14.7)
Enemy Combatant (14.8)
Pay to Play (14.9)
The Tie That Binds (14.10)
Off the Grid (14.12)
Keep Going (14.13)
Pandora's Box, Part 1 (14.15)
(NCIS: New Orleans crossover) Part 2
A Many Splendored Thing (14.16)
What Lies Above (14.17)
The Wall (14.19)
A Bowl of Cherries (14.20)
1 Book, 2 Covers (14.21)
Something Blue (14.23)
- Torres: (emerges from the fitting room in his tuxedo) Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about! Please, no pictures... nah, go for it. (twirls)
- Bishop: Woof. (realizes) Was that out loud?
- Quinn: Mmm-hmm.
- Bishop: Mmm.
- McGee: Director Vance. You know, pre-wedding tension.
- Leon Vance: As someone who was also married to a strong, intelligent woman, may I give you some advice, Agent McGee?
- McGee: Don't blow it?
- Leon Vance: (solemnly) No: never take it for granted. Not for one second. (smiles) And don't blow it.