Star Trek: Lower Decks

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Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020–present) is an animated science fiction television series based on Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek.

Season One[edit]

Second Contact [1.1][edit]

Brad Boimler : Captain’s Log, Stardate 57436.2. The Cerritos is docked at Douglas Station for routine maintenance and resupply. We will soon set course for the capital planet on the Galar system, where we’re scheduled to make second contact with the Galardonian high council. First Contact is a delicate, high-stakes operation of diplomacy. Once must be ready for anything when humanity is interacting with an alien race for the first time. But we don’t do that. Our specialty is second contact. Still pretty important. We get all the paperwork signed, make sure we’re spelling the name of the planet right, get to know all the good places to eat...

[Ensign Beckett Mariner enters, gasps and laughs]

Beckett Mariner: Oh, my God. What are you doing?
Brad Boimler : Uh, nothing, nothing, nothing. I’m just…
Beckett Mariner: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Are you pretending to do a, “Captains Log?”
Brad Boimler : We’re all supposed to keep logs!
Beckett Mariner: Ok, Let me listen to it.
Brad Boimler : [annoyed] No, go away!

D’Vana Tendi: I can’t believe we are going to serve side by side. Scientists and commanders, an elite team.
Beckett Mariner: Yeah, no, we’re not really elite. We’re more like the cool, scrappy underdogs of the ship. You know, we don’t wash our hands, we’re doing kick flips all the time.
Brad Boimler : But with focus and dedication, you could be chief medical officer someday.
Beckett Mariner: Ugh, Senior Officers are overrated. They’re always like stressed out and just yelling about directives. It is better down here where the real action is.

Stevens: Nothing like a cold beer after a smooth second contact.
Jack Ransom: Now, that’s what I’m talking about.

Sam Rutherford: I would kill to work on the deflector dish. Most of my day is spent repairing food replicators.
Barnes: They really break that often?
Sam Rutherford: Only when you get food in ‘em.

Sam Rutherford: There’s a maintenance hatch on the other side of the saucer that should give us access to Deck Eight. What kind of music are you into?
Barnes: We have just enough oxygen to get there, but we’re cutting it close. I really like this classical band called, The Monkees. Ever heard of ‘em?
Sam Rutherford: Let’s just say, “I’m a believer.”

T'Ana: The anesthetic is useless. We have to work through the pain. Your hands clean?
D’Vana Tendi: Uhhh…
T'Ana: Pump this. Don't pass out. Nobody's authorized to pass out!

T'Ana: We need to get this man to sickbay immediately! He is very important!
Captain Carol Freeman: What makes him so special?
T'Ana: Nothing. He's worthless. It's the slime, captain. He's covered in slime that could save us all!
Captain Carol Freeman: Everyone, protect this slime!

Jack Ransom:Oh, what happened? Where am I? And… did I eat flesh?
D’Vana Tendi:Uh, hardly any.
Jack Ransom: HOW MUCH DID I EAT?!

Beckett Mariner: Still uh, happy to be here?
D’Vana Tendi:Are you kidding? I got to hold a heart!

Envoys [1.2][edit]

Beckett Mariner: After we dump this in storage lets hit the bar and see if we can get a cute lieutenant to argue with me.
D’Vana Tendi: Interesting, why would you want that?
Beckett Mariner:I don’t know getting some uptight hunk all wound up gets me all…

Captain Carol Freeman: I’ve really got to think of something cool to say when we’re going to warp… something like, “it’s warp time.” What do you think of that? Was that good for you?

Sam Rutherford: Well, if you see an unaligned EPS conduit; don’t call me… mine are aligned as hell.

Jack Ransom: Ok, that was a rough start. FYI, in situations like that try employing the Janeway protocol.
Sam Rutherford: Got it. And what’s that?
Jack Ransom: [laughs] Good one.

Simulated Ensign: Captain, we're directly in the path of a small asteroid. Should we move to avoid?
Sam Rutherford: Uh, do the Janeway Protocol.
Simulated Ensign: Uh, are you sure, sir?
Sam Rutherford: ...Yes?
[the asteroid strikes the ship]
Simulated Lieutenant: Collision alert, sir! The kindergarten on Deck 8, it's gone!
Sam Rutherford: Uh, uh... [another collision]
Simulated Lieutenant: No. No no no, now the pre-K is gone! All the ship's children have been ejected into space!
Sam Rutherford: [mortified] All those kids...
Jack Ransom: Freeze program! In thousands of simulations, that's literally never happened before. [excitedly] Let's try another one, on a ship with even MORE children!

Brad Boimler : I've never even heard of an Anabaj. How did you know?
Beckett Mariner: Affinity for red, drawn to the weak minded, plus I kinda dated one once, but only to make my mom mad.
Brad Boimler : Weak minded?

Brad Boimler : I'm your copilot?! You're taking on more work just to bug me?
Beckett Mariner: Calm down, man. We can't have you co-flying angry. I need you co-calm.

Beckett Mariner: Ooh, this is the new shuttle with blast shield! Yeeah! It's a blast shield, it's a blast shield. And it comes down, and it goes up. Blast shield!

Sam Rutherford: Take your mind off this! Uh, think about work. Think about the warp core.
Patient: I got burned in the warp core!
Sam Rutherford: Those are dilithium burns?! How are you still alive, man? You should be dead!

Brad Boimler : I guess I'm just not cut out for Starfleet.
Beckett Mariner: Oh, please, you're Mr. Starfleet.
Brad Boimler : No, I'm not! Not like you are! I should just turn in my uniform and go- work on a research asteroid!
Beckett Mariner: No, absolutely not. Do not even joke about that. That is the lamest thing you could do.
Brad Boimler : I should just study bugs on a far-off planet, and then eventually get eaten, and no one will even know until they stumble upon my distress call, but it'll be way too late, and then they'll have to spend a bunch of time deciphering how things went wrong based on my final shaky video logs!
Beckett Mariner: …I'm sure you wouldn't get eaten.

Quimp: Give me your profit!

Temporal Edict [1.3][edit]

Captain Carol Freeman: This ship is a joke!
Jack Ransom: Well, then we're the funniest joke in all of Starfleet.

Sam Rutherford:You never admit the actual amount of time it takes to finish a job. If you did, your days would be packed.
D’Vana Tendi: Isn't that lying?
Sam Rutherford:No. It's creative estimating. When you get an assignment, you exaggerate how long its gonna take, then you're a hero when it's done early.

Beckett Mariner: Look at us! Lower decks, breaching protocol together. Friendship!

D’Vana Tendi: I thought you said it was tradition, I thought you said nobody cared.
Beckett Mariner: They didn't. There was no way the captain noticed we were padding stuff out. Somebody ratted! I bet it was delta shift.
D’Vana Tendi: Ugh! Delta shift is the worst. They think they're so much better than us, just because they're so much better than us!

Captain Carol Freeman: Repel all intruders, but do not use it as an excuse to stop doing what you are doing! I want you to stay on track, and on time. It's called multitasking, people! They do it on the Enterprise all the time! I don't want to hear any complaining, I only want to hear repelling of intruders, and people getting their work done!

Beckett Mariner: Permission to speak freely?
Jack Ransom: You always speak freely. Nobody can stop you from speaking freely!

Brad Boimler :You're a great captain. Let them be a great crew.

T'Ana: You'll be fine. Want me to clean up those disgusting scars?
Beckett Mariner: Uh, no way. No. These are my trophies.
T'Ana: Congratulations, you look like a f---ing scratching post.

A far future school teacher: …which is why the Boimler Effect is something we will never forget. So named after the laziest, most corner-cutting officer in Starfleet history, Brad Boimler, seen here with one of the great birds of the galaxy. Anyway, let's move on to somebody even more important, perhaps the most important person in Starfleet history, Chief Miles O'Brien.

Moist Vessel [1.4][edit]

Captain Carol Freeman: If you ever disrespect me like that again, I'll skip the court martial and blow you out the airlock!
Beckett Mariner: Cool. Well, live long and prosper.
Captain Carol Freeman: Don't you give me that sarcastic Vulcan salute! BECKETT!

D’Vana Tendi: It just- I feel terrible about this… you know.
O'Connor: Don't worry about it. Don't talk to me.
D’Vana Tendi: Anyway, I went and found a Hiverian metronome, and apparently if you just relax, and let it sync to your biorhythm, we can get you back on track and ascending by this afternoon!
O'Connor: You think I can realign a decade of spiritual enlightenment by this afternoon?!
D’Vana Tendi: Tomorrow morning at the latest.

Captain Carol Freeman:Has Mariner submitted her transfer request? I'm going to frame it.
Jack Ransom: She's… having a great time.
Captain Carol Freeman:What?!
Jack Ransom: She's finding little ways to inject joy into otherwise horrible tasks.
Captain Carol Freeman:Then give her worse jobs.
Jack Ransom: I've got her emptying ---- out of the holodeck's ---- filter!
Captain Carol Freeman:… Ugh. People really use it for that?
Jack Ransom: Oh yeah. It's mostly that.

Shaxs: Barstools hurt my back.
Andy Billups: You're not sitting on them right.
Shaxs: Not sitting on them right? I've killed better men for less.
Andy Billups: No, you haven't.
Shaxs: Well, I've threatened to kill better men for about the same.

T'Ana: Hmmmm...
Beckett Mariner: SHE FOLDS! You all fold! Every time, you all fold! You fold!
T'Ana: Don't tell me what to do! … I'm gonna fold.

Bridge Officer : Ensign Boimler, report to bridge duty at 15:30.
Brad Boimler : Oh, I'll report to bridge duty, and they'll get exactly what they deserve!
Bridge Officer : What?
Brad Boimler : Uh– Oh, nothing! That was a holodeck. Uh, Moriarty.

Beckett Mariner: You know, I get what you're trying to do here, and it is sick.
Captain Carol Freeman: I'm doing exactly what I need to. It's called being a captain.
Beckett Mariner: No, it's called being a dick.

Captain Carol Freeman: Computer, hit it.
Computer: Hitting it.

Admiral Vassery: Is this how your crew treats authority? When it's known I mispronounce things? Are you really making foun of me?!

Brad Boimler : Where's your pip?
Beckett Mariner: I'm pretty good at getting demoted.
Brad Boimler : In the last hour?!

Cupid's Errant Arrow [1.5][edit]

Beckett Mariner: You know, I'm sorry, but I'm starting to think that Barb might not actually exist.
Brad Boimler : Oh, she's real. She's as real as a hopped-up Q on Captain Picard Day.

Sam Rutherford: You know, Kula told me the Vancouver has fluidic processors that self-replicate their own silicas."
D’Vana Tendi: Nuh-uh!
Sam Rutherford: And he said they had tritanium hull brackets, and get this: T88s!
D’Vana Tendi: That can't be right. T88s aren't even out yet.
Sam Rutherford: I know.
D’Vana Tendi: It's a starship, not heaven!

Barbara Brinson: I swore I'd never do long distance, but then I met this goofball on Vendu last month. He radiates a primal confidence. I'm sure you've felt it.
Beckett Mariner: No, I try not to feel anything around Brad.

Beckett Mariner: I've got a bad feeling about Barb.
Brad Boimler : I know. I can't believe she used to date Jet! That guy's like a Kirk sundae with Trip Tucker sprinkles.

Beckett Mariner: Brad, when a Starfleet relationship seems too good to be true, then– red alert, man! It probably is.
Brad Boimler : You think she's cheating on me?!
Beckett Mariner: No! I think she's a secret alien who's gonna eat you, or a Romulan spy, or a salt succubus, or an android, or a Changeling, or one of those sexy people in rompers that murders you just for going on the grass!

Mixtus II Representative: It's an impossible problem.
Captain Carol Freeman: Well, we're Starfleet. Figuring out impossible problems is what we do, so let's just keep calm and, uh, try to think of a solution.
Mixtus II Representative: No! If you blow up that moon, you're murderers! You'll have blood on your hands!
Captain Carol Freeman: SHUT UP and let me think!

Beckett Mariner: Requesting emergency transport to Platform Gamma! Authorization, uh– Mariner Eight!
Transport Officer: Request denied. Is that a made-up code? Who is this? Clear this channel!

D’Vana Tendi: Wait a second, you can't just transfer us against our will!
Ron Docent: Pfft. Watch me. Do I need to remind you who my grandma's neighbor was? I guess I do. It was the admiral! And he's a psycho!

Barbara Brinson: First, I thought you were a rogue holodeck character, then, because of the way you were lurking around all day, I thought you were a Breen infiltrator.
Beckett Mariner: What? That wasn't lurking, that was protecting!
Barbara Brinson: Finally I realized you're probably a parasite!
Beckett Mariner: Bitch, you're the parasite!
Barbara Brinson: Exactly what a parasite would say, parasite!

Mixtus II Representative: The impact on our environment would affect both of us! We'd have to move our whole civilization!
Captain Carol Freeman: I know, but how can– wait, 'both'? What do you mean 'both'? How many people are in your civilization?
Mixtus II Representative: Me and my wife.
Captain Carol Freeman: There are two f---ing people on your whole f---ing planet?!
Mixtus II Representative: Well, yes. We're uh, we're rich.
Captain Carol Freeman: … Implode the moon.
Mixtus II Representative: You maniacs! We just redid the floors!

Terminal Provocations [1.6][edit]

Andy Bullups: If we fire on them, it's an act of war.
Shaxs: I advise we fire on them!

T'Ana: Do you realize how hard it is to get cheese out of fur in a sonic shower?!

Sam Rutherford: Listen, I've been working on this new holodeck training program. I think it can help you. You want to try it out?
D’Vana Tendi: Oh my gosh, yes! Thank you, thank you so much, Rutherford! The holodeck, gah! Why didn't I think of that sooner?
Sam Rutherford: Yeah, you know it's not just for hanging with Sherlock Holmes, and Robin Hood, and Sigmund Freud, and Cyrano de Bergerac, and Einstein, and da Vinci, and Stephen Hawking, and Socrates…

Brad Boimler : I can't believe I actually made eye contact with one of the Zebulon sisters! Oh God! I forgot how to breathe.
Beckett Mariner: Oh my God, and then when they added the third Chu and they were doing the Chu Chu Chu dance? They're geniuses!

Badgey: Fun fact, I'm gonna rip your eyes out!
D’Vana Tendi: That fact wasn't fun!

Shaxs: Phasers locked onto their warp core, captain. Please, please let me shoot their warp core! I have been very good this month!
Captain Carol Freeman: Evasive pattern Sulu-Alpha.
Shaxs: OH, COME ON!

Drookmani Captain: I thought you said this trash wasn't worth fighting for.
Captain Carol Freeman: We're not fighting.
Drookmani Captain: Avoiding damage is fighting!
Captain Carol Freeman: Ugh! We can talk this out.
Drookmani Captain: *bleep* you!

Brad Boimler : We are so getting fired for this.

Much Ado About Boimler [1.7][edit]

D’Vana Tendi: She's 5% faster and 6% smarter. You know, I hand-edited all six billion sequences. It was really fun!
Brad Boimler : When did you even find time for that?
D’Vana Tendi: Sometimes when I say that I'm going to the bathroom, I'm really recoding her DNA.

Beckett Mariner: Wake me up if it turns into something I need to care about.

Brad Boimler : Anyway, I'm into it. We get to rub shoulders with the visiting crew, maybe impress another captain.
Beckett Mariner: Oh, you're just excited to kiss a whole new butt, aren't you?
Brad Boimler : Well, I wouldn't put it like that, but yes. Very.

Beckett Mariner: Dude, what is wrong with you?
Brad Boimler : Nothing. I'm just phasing. No biggie.
Beckett Mariner: Disagree. Kind of a biggie.

Brad Boimler : How long is this gonna last?
T'Ana: How am I supposed to know?! You look like a goddamn science project!

Brad Boimler : Nobody wants a sparkly captain!
T'Ana: Oh, alright, alright, calm down. I already alerted Division 14.
Brad Boimler : The time travel police?!
T'Ana: No! D-14 handles unsolvable space illnesses and science mysteries.
Brad Boimler : And they can make me a real boy again?

Captain Amina Ramsey: Have you seen Ransom's photon torpedo?
Beckett Mariner: Barf! No! Disgusting! No, for real, that is big barf!

Division 14 Medical Specialist: I must warn you. Stepping aboard this vessel is consent to be surrounded by dark abnormalities, and the clinically obscene.
Brad Boimler : Uh, how long will it take to get to the spa? I wasn't sure how many books to bring.
Division 14 Medical Specialist: Do not trouble yourself with the journey. The Farm cures all.

Division 14 Medical Specialist: If those freaks think they can mutiny, they're in for a rude awakening!
Brad Boimler : No, no, no! The only reason I told you is so nobody gets hurt! We're all Starfleet. We have to follow the rules!
Division 14 Medical Specialist: I am the rules!

Beckett Mariner: Rutherford, we need your transporter thing up and running! Now!
Sam Rutherford: It made Boimler weird!
Beckett Mariner: BOIM US OUT OF HERE!

Veritas [1.8][edit]

Clar: You will speak only into the Horn of Candor! With this horn, one of our most sacred horns, you must only speak the truth!
Sam Rutherford: Happy to be here.

Brad Boimler : Roga Danar? are you nuts? I said who's the all time biggest badass not who's a dude nobody's heard about.
Beckett Mariner: Everyone knows Roga Danar.
Brad Boimler : No they don't.
Beckett Mariner: He totally outsmarted Picard, and he has amazing hair.
Brad Boimler : What about Khan, right? Khan was a genetically engineered super villain! Dude was a space seed!

Beckett Mariner: We'll fake it.'
Brad Boimler : Fake what?!
Beckett Mariner: It!

Brad Boimler : I Think we should do what you want to do, Captain. Captain's choice.
Captain Carol Freeman: I'm not asking you to kiss my ass. Come on. No wrong answers.
Brad Boimler : Well, okay. We could do uh evasive maneuver eighty… eight?
T'Ana: Is he *bleep* serious?

Captain Carol Freeman : What the hell are you doing?!
Beckett Mariner: You said 'Send them a message.' That means phasers!
Captain Carol Freeman : It means to send them a message to invite them to dinner!"
Beckett Mariner: No it doesn't!

Shaxs: Great work nerve-pinching those Vulcans, baby bear. Who knew you'd be better at it than they are?
Sam Rutherford: I did? But I don't know how to nerve-pinch.
Shaxs: Ha! Tell that to Spock and Spock.

Beckett Mariner: I never get to clean the conference room.

Jack Ransom: Let's ---- this ---- up!

Clar: You did not do martial arts on multiple armed guards!
D’Vana Tendi: You're right. I didn't.

T'Ana: Captain! Captain, Someone is replacing everyone on the ship with imposters who claim not to know me! We might be in a parallel dimension!
Alhambra Captain: And you are?
T'Ana: Uh, wait, is this… is this not the Cerritos?
Alhambra Captain: This is the Alhambra. Did you get on the wrong ship?
T'Ana: … F---! They all look the same!

Clar: If need you to tell me that your senior officers are infallible heroes!
Brad Boimler : Well they're not, and that's okay. We all joined Starfleet to dive first into the unknown. We're explorers, of course we don't always know what's going on. Did Picard know about the Borg? Did Kirk know about that giant Spock on Phylos? Did Dr. Crusher know about that ghost in the lamp thing from the Scottish planet that she hooked up with that one time? That whole thing. You clearly want us to say that the captain and her crew messed up, but we simply don't have the full story, and that's the truth! Whatever they did, I guarantee you it was all for good. You have shown no evidence that they're guilty of a crime, in fact, I find you guilty of trying to take them down with this sham of a trial! DRUMHEAD!

Q: I challenge you all to a duel! Pick your weapons. I pick the mind.
Beckett Mariner: Get out of here, Q! No! We are done with random stuff today. We're not dealing with any of your Q bull----.
Q: Oh s'il vous plait, Mariner. I want to put humanity to the ultimate test.
Beckett Mariner: Okay, I'm not French. No. Go find Picard.
Q: Oh, Picard. He's no fun, he's always quoting Shakespeare, he's always making wine…

Crisis Point [1.9][edit]

Migleemo: Mariner, this report is a veritable fruit salad of insubordination.
Beckett Mariner: I don't want to be here. I broke the rules. I'm supposed to be in the brig!
Migleemo: Sorry. Captain's orders. She wants us to meet every week cooking up some healthy strategies to marinate you into the officer she knows you can be.
Beckett Mariner: I don't want your help! I want to show the captain that she's wrong, and then get put! In! The! Brig!
Migleemo: Full stop, Beckett. We need to find an outlet for all that rage. Have you ever made paella?

D'Vana Tendi: Nice shot, da Vinci!
Leonardo da Vinci Hologram: Grazie.

Brad Boimler : They'll respond exactly the way they would in real life.
Sam Rutherford : Ah. Hey buddy, how's it going?
Shaxs Hologram: Don't talk to me, I'm pissed off!
Sam Rutherford : Whoa! Amazing! We had that exact same conversation an hour ago.

Sam Rutherford : Ooh, nice font.

Brad Boimler : If this was actually happening, they'd send the Enterprise. But, you know. Artistic license.

Jack Ransom Hologram : Captain, we're ready for your command.
Carol Freeman Hologram: Mmm, time to take this puppy off its leash. Warp me!

Beckett Mariner as Vindicta: I am Vindicta, vengeance personified. At last, Freeman, I will bathe in your blood.

Beckett Mariner: Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Beckett Mariner: Our revels now are ended.

Shaxs Hologram: When you get to hell, tell the Pah-wraiths that Shaxs sent you! Special delivery straight from Bajor!

Carol Freeman Hologram: Oh, when are you going to give up the 'loving captain' act?
Beckett Mariner: It's not an act! I'm overflowing with love and affection!
Carol Freeman Hologram: Oh, shut up!
Beckett Mariner: You shut up!

Sam Rutherford : Sir, are you okay?
Andy Billups Hologram: I'll live, but the crew–
Sam Rutherford : Will be fine. I initiated a rapid repeating emergency transport sequence and beamed the entire crew before we crashed.
Andy Billups Hologram: What? But that's not possible!
Sam Rutherford : No, it's a movie. You can beam whatever you want. You can do all sorts of beaming stuff in a movie.

Beckett Mariner Hologram: Get off my mom, you bitch!

Beckett Mariner: I know all your moves, and everything about you. I know you dressed up as Toby Targ every Halloween, even when you were too old. And I know that you actually love the warp core!
Beckett Mariner Hologram: Take that back! The warp core's lame!

T'Ana Hologram: Godspeed, you crazy *bleep*s.

Beckett Mariner Hologram: I may hate protocol, but I don't hate this ship. (coughing) I don't hate the crew. I work with my best friends. The captain's my mom. I would do anything for her.
Beckett Mariner: Oh come on. No, you hate the captain. You complain about her non stop. It's your whole thing.
Beckett Mariner Hologram: (coughing) Yeah, I mean she's hard on me, right? She's the captain and I'm a pain in the ass. But if she kicks me off the Cerritos (coughing) I'd be done in Starfleet. She's watching out for me the only way she knows how in her *bleep* overbearing mom way.
Beckett Mariner: Oh please, the only person you care about is yourself.
Beckett Mariner Hologram: Okay. Then why did I let you kick my ass to buy time for everyone to get off the ship before the self-destruct timer went off?
Beckett Mariner: Wait, what?!

D'Vana Tendi: Um, so do you wanna go maybe sit and look at the warp core with me?
Beckett Mariner: Wow, so lame! Yes, let's do it.
Sam Rutherford : We talking warp core? Ooh baby, I'm in!

No Small Parts [1.10][edit]

Carol Freeman: Ugh. Landru.
Jack Ransom: I know, it's always weird revisiting planets from the TOS era.
Carol Freeman: TOS?
Jack Ransom: It's what I call the 2260s. Stands for 'those old scientists' – You know, Spock, Scotty, those guys. Seems like they were stumbling on crazy new aliens every week back then.

Jack Ransom: From now on, I'll make sure to give you special attention.
Carol Freeman: No! Be as hard on her as you always are!
Beckett Mariner: Yeah, be hard on me!
Jack Ransom: I'm only hard on you when you make me hard! I mean I'm – I'm not hard right now! I mean I could – I could get hard, if I wanted to, but I'm not hard right now. I'm so sorry! You're both great!

Steve Levy : Hey, Mariner! I'm Lieutenant Levy. We went on a date last year. I don't know if you recall.
Beckett Mariner: Yeah, Steve, I remember. You said Wolf 359 was an inside job.
Steve Levy : It totally was. So, hey, I was wondering, could you give this to your mom for me? It's just a few ideas I threw together on how to decorate the captain's yacht.
Beckett Mariner: Fine. Whatever.
Steve Levy : You're the best. Thanks, Mariner. Changelings aren't real. The Dominion War didn't happen!

T'Ana : You think your mom would be okay with me and Shaxs making a little love connection? I'd love to snag that Bajoran beefsteak with my coital hooks.

D'Vana Tendi : So, hey, do you want me to call you 'Exocomp,' or do you have an alphanumeric name, like TT30311?
Peanut Hamper : No, I didn't want to sound robotic, I wanted to be called something normal. So I analyzed all Federation languages and calculated a mathematically perfect name.
D'Vana Tendi : What is it?"
Peanut Hamper : Peanut Hamper.
D'Vana Tendi : Peanut Hamper? I LOVE IT!

Carol Freeman : This doesn't make any sense. The Pakleds aren't this powerful.
Jack Ransom : I thought they were kind of a joke.
Brad Boimler : Yeah, you guys aren't wrong. Pakleds would fake distress calls so they could steal technology from anyone who showed up to help, but I'm detecting weapons from over thirty different species.
Carol Freeman : Ah, looks like they're not a joke anymore.

Badgey: Hello, father. I've already created three viruses that would disable Pakled technology.
Sam Rutherford: You were monitoring comms?
Badgey : Oh, I'm always monitoring comms.

T'Ana : REOWR! Uh, sorry. I mean get the captain to the biobed, quick, quick!

Shaxs : This is the best day of my life!

Pakled Captain : Make us go! Go guys go!'

Sam Rutherford : Nice to meet you, I'm Rutherford."
D'Vana Tendi : Oh, your implant. I-It must have damaged your long term memory. Do you remember me at all?
Sam Rutherford : Well, no. But don't take it personally. I don't remember what I don't remember.
D'Vana Tendi : You know what this means, right? … We get to become best friends all over again!
Sam Rutherford : Okie dokie!

Will Riker: Carol! I guess those Cali-class ships can hold their own longer than people say.
Carol Freeman : Thanks for the assist, captain.
Will Riker : No need to be so formal. You know, I was her mentor.
Carol Freeman : Uh, yeah, well I remember it differently.
Will Riker : You were sort of my cha'DIch! We used to get in so much trouble!
Carol Freeman : 'We'?"

Jack Ransom : Deanna, can you introduce me to any of your Betazoid friends?
Deanna Troi:Jack, I sense you exaggerate your confidence in order to mask an ocean of insecurity.
Jack Ransom : Oh, will they sense that too? I can make that work for me.

Will Riker: Hey, how about you buy me a drink? You know, since we're even? Remember? The thing with the aliens where I saved your ass?
Beckett Mariner : We are not even, and we don't use money. What happened to you, man? You used to be sharp.

Beckett Mariner : Boimler, you can't keep ducking me forever! It is a really small galaxy out there. Sooner or later, I'm gonna run into you, and I'm gonna feed you to an Armus! You hear me?!
Jen : Hey psycho, keep it down. We're trying to sleep!
Beckett Mariner : Oh shut up, Jen!

Will Riker : I'm sorry I'm late, I was watching the first Enterprise on the holodeck. You know, Archer and those guys? What a story. Those guys had a long road getting from there to here.

Will Riker : Give me warp in the factor of five, six, seven, eight!
Deanna Troi: Oh, the Jazz…"

Season Two[edit]

Strange Energies [2.1][edit]

Brad Boimler (Hologram): Oh my God, Mariner, you gotta get me out of here. They keep showing me lights!

Jennifer: So you work out by staging Cardassian prison breaks?
Beckett Mariner: Yeah. What do you do?
Jennifer: Uh, yoga?
Beckett Mariner: Wow, how unique!

Captain Carol Freeman: Humanity has a complicated relationship with organized religion.
T’Ana: Well, strange energies doesn't. Ever hear of Gary Mitchell? It got real weird, real fast.

Casey: Captain, there's a giant head approaching the ship.

Captain Carol Freeman: Full stop, mister. This my ship!

Jack Ransom: Mariner? What was I doing?
Beckett Mariner: You were trying to eat the ship, sir. I had to apply concentrated force to your neutral zone.

Beckett Mariner: Love you, Mom.
Carol Freeman: Love you, too. Never disobey me again!
Beckett Mariner: I do what I want!

Samanthan Rutherford: I hate pears again! They're so mealy and bland. *bleep* pears!

Captain Will Riker: Red alert! I'm starting to think this jam session's got too many licks and not enough comp!
Brad Boimler: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Captain Will Riker: I LOVE MY JOB!

Kayshon, His Eyes Open [2.1][edit]

Carol Freeman : Lieutenant Kayshon, welcome to the Cerritos.
Lieutenant Kayshon: Rapunki, when he joined the seven. … Ah, sorry. The universal translator doesn't always – what I meant was, uh, it is my honor, captain.

Will Riker : Mr. Boimler, attack pattern delta! Target the aft shields. Let's see how these Pakleds do with their aft hanging out!

Lieutenant Kayshon: Perhaps he preferred to be alone.
D'Vana Tendi: Yeah, I guess more time to enjoy … Kahless' fornication helmet. Oh, that's fun. Safety first!

Beckett Mariner: We need to get to the engine room, and disable the defenses. For us to make it out of here, we're gonna have to travel into the belly of the beast-
Jet Manhaver: Quiet. I've got a safer plan.
Beckett Mariner: What? No, you don't cut off my badass plan!

Brad Boimler: Are you talking about the D? The flagship? They went to different dimensions, they fought the Borg, they insurrected!
USS Titan First Officer: They had regular string quartets. Wow, what a rush.

D'Vana Tendi: Kahless' sex helmet? You took it! That's what set off the ship! This is all your fault, you pervert! No judgement.

Brad Boimler: Stay strong, brother. We miners shall overcome.
Karzill IV miner: Dude, you're clearly Starfleet. Your hands are super soft and clean.
Brad Boimler: Uh, no, I'm a miner with a heart of gold. And I have dad issues.

Brad Boimler: Aw, man. A copy of me got transported out? Boo.
William Boimler: I'm the transporter clone? Boo.

Will Riker: Hey, I wish I could be on a ship that's exploring and solving science mysteries instead of nonstop fighting.
Brad Boimler: Like on the D?
Will Riker: Exactly. Damn, do I miss that ship. Enjoy it while you have it, Bradward.
Brad Boimler: I will, sir.

External links[edit]

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  Creator     Gene Roddenberry  (1921–1991)  
  Television series     Star Trek  (1966–1969) · The Animated Series  (1973–1974) · The Next Generation  (1987–1994) · Deep Space Nine  (1993–1999) · Voyager  (1995–2001) · Enterprise  (2001–2005) · Discovery  (2017–) · Picard  (2020–)
  Feature films     The Original Series     The Motion Picture  (1979) · The Wrath of Khan  (1982) · The Search for Spock  (1984) · The Voyage Home  (1986) · The Final Frontier  (1989) · The Undiscovered Country  (1991)  
  The Next Generation     Generations  (1994) · First Contact  (1996) · Insurrection  (1998) · Nemesis  (2002)  
  Reboot series     Star Trek  (2009) · Into Darkness  (2013) · Beyond  (2016)  
  Video games     Borg  (1996) · Klingon Academy  (2000)  
  Proverbs     Klingon · Vulcan  
  Other     Star Trek franchise · Last words in Star Trek media · Jean-Luc Picard· Phase II