Sarek: Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mr. President. Genesis was perfectly named- the creation of life, not death. The Klingons shed the first blood while attempting to possess its secrets.
Klingon Ambassador: Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of this Federation.
Sarek: Your vessel did destroy U.S.S. Grissom. Your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events?
Klingon Ambassador: [proudly] We deny nothing. We have the right to preserve our race.
Sarek: You have the right to commit murder? [audience uproar]
Leonard McCoy: You think they could at least send us a ship. It's bad enough to be court-martialed and to have to spend the rest of our lives mining borite, but to have to go home in this Klingon flea trap!
James T. Kirk: You could learn a thing or two from this flea trap, it's got a cloaking device that costs us a lot.
McCoy: I just wish we could cloak out the stench.
[while traveling over the Golden Gate Bridge in a passenger bus]
Spock: Admiral, may I ask you a question?
James T. Kirk: Spock, don't call me Admiral. You used to call me Jim. Don't you remember "Jim"? What's your question?
Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall I say, more colorful metaphors-- "Double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.
Kirk: You mean the profanity?
Kirk: That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period.
Chekov: We will beam in tonight, collect the photons, and beam out. No one will ever know we were there.
Kirk: Understood and approved. Keep me informed. Kirk out.
[Pavel Chekov is being interrogated by an FBI agent]
FBI Agent: "Commander Pavel Chekov, Starfleet, United Federation of Planets." Alright Commander, is there anything that you want to tell us?
Chekov: Like what?
FBI Agent: Like who you really are, and what you're doing here, and what these–these things are.
Chekov: I am Pavel Chekov, a commander in Starfleet, United Federation of Planets. Service number 656-5827B.
FBI Agent: Alright, let's take it from the top.
Chekov: The top of what?
FBI Agent: Name.
Chekov: My name?
FBI Agent: [sarcastically] No, my name!
Chekov: I do not know your name!
FBI Agent: You play games with me mister, and you're through!
Chekov: I am? May I go now?
FBI Agent: [leans over and whispers to a colleague] What do you think?
Agent: He's a Russkie.
FBI Agent: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, of course he's a Russkie, but he's a retard or something.
Agent: We better call Washington.
Chekov: [rises from his chair, grabs the Klingon phaser from the table and points it at the agents] Don't move.
FBI Agent: Okay, make nice: give us the ray gun.
Chekov: I warn you: if you don't lie on the floor I will have to stun you.
FBI Agent: Go ahead: stun me.
Chekov: I'm very sorry, but— [tries to fire the phaser but it malfunctions; he looks at it and chuckles] Must be the radiation. [tosses the phaser to the FBI Agent, turns and runs away]
James Kirk(wheeling the trolley): He's gonna make it.
Cop guard(confused): He? You went in with a she!
James Kirk(mild disgust at himself): One little mistake...!
[Having returned to the 24th century and saved Earth, the Federation summons the Enterprise crew]
Federation President: Bring in the accused. [crew enters council chamber; Spock stands and joins them in line, and attracts the President's attention] Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.
Spock: Mr. President, I stand with my shipmates.
Federation President: As you wish. The charges and specifications are - conspiracy; assault on Federation officers; theft of Federation property, namely the starship Enterprise; sabotage of the USS Excelsior; willful destruction of Federation property, specifically the aforementioned USS Enterprise; and finally, disobeying direct orders of the Starfleet commander. Admiral Kirk, how do you plead?
Kirk: On behalf of all of us Mr. President, I am authorized to plead guilty.
President: So entered. Because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but one are summarily dismissed. The remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer, is directed solely at Admiral Kirk. I'm sure the admiral will recognize the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command?
Kirk: I do, sir.
President: James T. Kirk, it is the judgment of this council that you be reduced in rank to captain. And that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have demonstrated unswerving ability, the command of a starship. Captain Kirk, you and your crew have saved this planet from its own short-sightedness, and we are forever in your debt.
Sarek: I am returning to Vulcan within the hour, I would like to take my leave of you.
Spock: It was most kind of you to make this effort.
Sarek: It was no effort. You are my son. Besides, I'm most impressed with your performance during this crisis.
Spock: Most kind.
Sarek: As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet... It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.
Spock: They are my friends.
Sarek: Yes, of course. Do you have a message for your mother?
Spock: Yes, tell her...I feel fine. Live long and prosper, Father.
Sarek: Live long and prosper, my son.
[The crew is pondering what their ship will be.]
Leonard McCoy: The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe. We'll get a freighter.
Hikaru Sulu: With all respect, Doctor, I'm counting on Excelsior.
Montgomery Scott: Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?