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Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson (born May 16, 1969) is an American conservative political commentator, reporter, author, and columnist who has hosted the nightly political talk show Tucker Carlson Tonight on Fox News since 2016.
- I love women, but they're primitive. They're not hard to understand. 
- I think Michael Moore is loathsome, though, not because he dislikes Bush, but because he seems to dislike America.
- source needed
- Don't take a leak on my shoes and tell me it's raining.
- source needed
- STEWART: No, this [CrossFire], it's theater. Like, take this for example. How old are you?
- CARLSON: I'm 35.
- STEWART: And you're wearing a bow tie. See my point? Now, I'm not saying you're not a smart man, because those are hard to tie.
- Jon Stewart on CrossFire
- Grover Norquist is a mean-spirited, humorless, dishonest little creep… an embarrassing anomaly, the leering, drunken uncle everyone else wishes would stay home… [He] is repulsive, granted, but there aren't nearly enough of him to start a purge trial."
- Slate magazine, 17 July 1997
- "I think it’s a total nightmare and disaster, and I’m ashamed that I went against my own instincts in supporting it (the U.S. war in Iraq). It’s something I’ll never do again. Never. I got convinced by a friend of mine who’s smarter than I am, and I shouldn’t have done that. No. I want things to work out, but I’m enraged by it, actually."
- New York Observer, 12 May 2004
- Maybe in fact it was better to have Saddam in there. Maybe Saddam, as bad as he was-was not the worst we could get. Maybe chaos was the worst we could get. That's the truth.
I mean, look, no matter how you feel about Bush, watching him speak is difficult. It's like— it's like watching a drunk man cross an icy street.
- Real Time with Bill Maher, 1 October 2004
- There may be countries worth invading, but I don't think we'll be invading them.
It's almost impossible to make the case that Bush is a conservative. That may be good; that may be bad.
I think [Pat] Buchanan is far too easily and glibly dismissed.
The Republican Party of 2005 bears no resemblance to the Republican Party of 1994
- Hardball with Chris Matthews, 11 February 2005
- From the 15 December 2005 edition of MSNBC's The Situation with Tucker Carlson:
- CARLSON: Here's the problem, [radio host] Max [Kellerman]. Here's the problem with telling Canada to stop criticizing the United States: It only eggs them on. Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right? Canada spends all of its time thinking about the United States, obsessing over the United States. It's unrequited love between Canada and the United States. We, meanwhile, don't even know Canada's name. We pay no attention at all.
- CARLSON: Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice, but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada.
- You know what gets women going is arguing with them,
It's true. It's true. You debate politics with a woman and just go—just full blown out there, especially feminism. If you're talking to a feminist, and she's giving you, ‘Well, men really need to be more sensitive,’ (say) ‘no, actually, men don't need to be more sensitive, you just need to be quiet and kind of do what you're told.’
I love women, but they're primitive. They're not hard to understand. And one of the things they hate more than anything is weakness in a man.
- 2006 then 2007 on Bubba the Love Sponge, unearthed 10 March 2019
- BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE: Fine people of Canada, please understand that Tucker is a very good friend of mine, but I in no way, shape, or form share his views of how he feels about people from Canada. I love Canada. They're great people up there. Tucker feels that you guys are a bunch of assholes.
TUCKER CARLSON: I totally disagree. If I didn't like Canada, I wouldn’t consider it worth invading. I mean, Iraq is a crappy place filled with a bunch of, you know, semiliterate primitive monkeys -- that’s why it wasn't worth invading.
THE LOVE SPONGE: Keep burying yourself.
CARLSON: But Canada's a solid place with good-looking women and good fishing. We should invade.
- These are the people who write our movies and our sitcoms,
They are not shocked by naughty words. They just pretend to be when it’s useful. It’s been very useful lately
Since the day we went on the air they’ve been working hard to kill this show
we will never bow to the mob. Ever.
- We think Tucker Carlson had it right yesterday evening: “The very people — in some cases, literally the same people who lured us into the Iraq quagmire 16 years ago — are demanding a new war — this one with Iran. Carlson described you as “skeptical.” We believe ample skepticism is warranted... We are at your disposal, should you wish to discuss any of this with us.
- He has never been believable as a hatemongering brownshirt; his political ethnicity is probably closer to traitor than demagogue. You'd know exactly which side of the desert island to search for Carlson, if he were ever to be stranded on one with the Barnard French faculty and the Tuscaloosa chapter of the Klan – he'd be on the left bank, passionately misquoting Baudelaire.
- Carlson occupies the same role for conservatives in the media landscape that Colmes does for liberals. Colmes is a pale-faced, paint-by-numbers loser whose only job is to be a believable liberal for people who live in trailers. Carlson is CNN's idea of a conservative. His right-wing ideas come from his changeable, expensive brains instead of his stomach. In the same way that the helpless, ineffectual Colmes is a reassuring image to hardcore conservatives, Carlson puts a soothing face on conservatism for educated East Coast progressives – because even the biggest neo-Marxist wanker from Brown takes one look at Carlson and sees the one man in America he would feel sure of being able to kick the shit out of in a back alley.
- Matt Taibbi
- He is a patsy and a fraud – the kind of public personality totalitarian regimes used to nurture for years in order to execute for a lack of orthodoxy at some opportune historical moment much later on.
- Matt Taibbi