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Beavis and Butt-head (season 2)

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Beavis and Butt-head (1993–1997, 2011) was an American animated television series that originally aired on the cable television channel MTV.  It followed the misadventures of two teenagers, Beavis and Butt-head.  Season two originally aired from 17 May to 15 July 1993.

Pilots • Seasons 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • Specials • Music videos • MTV programming • Feature film • Album • Main

"Scientific Stuff" [2.01]

Butt-head:  [lights a fire-cracking under one fin of a model rocket so that said rocket flies slightly in the air before immediately crashing upon its side]  And that was the first time that a teacher was shot into space.
Mrs. Dickie:  That was the most offensive science report I've ever heard.  How could you do such a thing?
Butt-head:  Beavis helped me.
Beavis:  If you pour salt on a snail, a lot of scientific stuff happens.
Daria:  Butt-head, why don't you try this experiment?  Analyse the friction caused by digitally oscillating your weiner.
[Beavis and Butt-head both laugh]
Butt-head:  That was cool.

"Good Credit" [2.02]

Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, look what I found yesterday.  [holds up a credit card with the name Thomas T. Anderson on it]
Butt-head:  Woah!  Where'd ya find it?
Beavis:  Anderson's house.  [lights lighter]  Let's burn it.
Butt-head:  [at a pet store]  Do you sell any dead animals?
Beavis:  [to a parrot]  Polly want an Alka-Seltzer?

"Burger World" [2.03]

Tom Anderson:  Hey, you look kinda familiar.  You ain't the kids that spray painted my dog last week, are you?
Butt-head:  Huh-huh, that was, uh…other kids.  Huh-huh, huh.
Butt-head:  [punching buttons on the cash register]  Uh…here, it's, uh…it's free, I guess.
Butt-head:  Did you know, when you eat rump roast, you're eating a cow's butt?

"Baby Makes Uh, Three" [2.04]

Butt-head:  I'm gonna slap you around like a redheaded stepchild!
Butt-head:  And so, it is with utmost regret that I must report that our baby was stolen by gypsies in the night.  Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beavis:  Yeah, heh-heh-heh.  Sorry about that.

"Beware of the Butt" [2.05]

Alex Trebek:  [on Jeopardy!]  Biological processes for eight-hundred:  Part of the body responsible for the creation and organisation of the electronic pulses which, when processed, form the basis of intelligence.
Butt-head:  [watching t. v.]  What is the butt, Alex?
Butt-head:  [while stroking a hot dog]  Look, I'm stroking my wiener.
[Butt-head has taken a picture of a butt whom he and Beavis assume it belongs to an ugly obese man having sex with a beautiful woman. They are soon scared and intimidated when the real owner of the butt shows her face.]
Butt Woman: You boys think you have a problem with my butt. I'm gonna kick your butts all over the drive-in.
Butt Woman:  You boys ready to die!?
Beavis and Butt-head:  Ahhh!  Buttwoman!
[The Butt Woman maniacally laughs as the boys try to outrun her. They trip and are cornered by the Butt Woman.]
[Later on at an empty drive-in, Beavis and Butt-head are seen hanging upside down on the drive-in sign with no pants. The sign reads: Hello, look at our Butts!]
Butt-head: Help! Help. This sucks!
Beavis: Yeah
[the boys are hanging upsidedown from the drive-in sign with no pants]
Butt-head:  Your butt's weird-looking.
Beavis:  Shut up.
Butt-head:  Huh-huh-huh.  Kinda looks like, huh-huh, baloney.  Huh-huh-huh.
Beavis:  Shut up, dude.
Butt-head:  With pimples on it.  Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beavis:  Hey, Butthead, why are you so interested in my butt?
Butt-head:  Uh…have you heard that new GWAR album?

"At the Sideshow" [2.06]

Butt-head:  [upon hearing on t. v. that a freakshow was going to be at a travelling carnival]  Whoa, maybe they got one of those dudes with two butts!
Butt-head:  [to the "rubber band lady"]  Uh, could you pick your butt with your nose?

"Customers Suck" [2.07]

Butt-head:  I don't like stuff that sucks.
Butt-head:  [over the drive-thru speaker]  Uhh…we're, like, uh…closed, or something.  Go away.
Beavis:  Customers suck.
Mr. Stevenson:  Are your milkshakes made with real milk and ice cream, or do you use that reconstituted shake mix stuff.
Beavis:  Yeah.
Mr. Stevenson:  What do you mean?  Yeah, you use the shake mix?  Or yeah, you use the real stuff?
Beavis:  Yeah.
Mr. Stevenson:  [sighs]  Let me talk to the manager.
Beavis:  Yeah.
Butt-head:  [steps up to the counter]  I'm an assistant manager, sir.  Is there something I can help you with?
Mr. Stevenson:  Yes, I'm trying to ask a very simple question, here.  Are your shakes made from shake mix, or from ice cream and milk?
Butt-head:  Uhh, we have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
Beavis:  Yeah.

"Sick" [2.08]

[Beavis is licking a toad]
Butt-head:  I don't get it.  It's supposed to pack an awesome buzz.
Beavis:  [spits out toad]  Mmm.  Tastes like chicken.
Beavis and Butt-head:  [looking for the toad]  Here, toadie, toadie.

"Home Improvement" [2.09]

Tom Anderson:  Now, you'll only be painting the trim, and if I see so much as a drop of paint anywhere's else, you'll clean it up and it'll come out of your pay.  I don't want to see a whole lot of brush strokes and bubbles, neither.  You know, back when I'as in the service, they'd throw a fella in the brig for messing up the paint job.  Now, I'll be back in a while to see how you're doing.  [leaves]
Butt-head:  This sucks.
Beavis:  Yeah.
Disclaimer:  Breathing paint thinner will damage your brain.  Look what it's done to Beavis and Butt-head
Beavis and Butt-head:  [singing]  Breaking the law, breaking the law!
Tom Anderson:  One of 'em calls himself Butthole.  And the other one's name is Joe, I think.
Police officer:  And, uh, what did these boys look like?
Tom Anderson:  I believe they were oriental.

"Way Down Mexico Way" [2.10, 2.11]

"Way Down Mexico Way" [2.10]

Beavis:  M-80s?
Butt-head:  Firecrackers?
[Mexican woman shrugs]
Beavis:  Fireworks?
[Mexican woman shrugs]
Butt-head:  These people are stupid.

"Way Down Mexico Way (Part 2)" [2.11]

Dave:  Now it's time for you guys to earn your keep.  Look in the glove box.
Butt-head:  [opens the glove compartment and pulls out two condoms]  Oh, no, Dave's gonna boof us.
Dave:  Time to fill 'em, boys.
Beavis:  I can't fill that.
Disclaimer:  Warning:  If you're not a cartoon swallowing a rubber full of drugs can kill you
Butt-head:  Mexico sucks!

"At the Movies" [2.12]

Butt-head:  Hey, check this out.  "For a good time, call Beavis's mom."
Butt-head:  …and this little piggy shot a big-ass hole through his foot!

"No Laughing" [2.13, 2.14]

Mr. Herrera:  ¿Señor Butt-head, como es Juan?
Translation:  Mr. Butt-head, how is John?
Butt-head:  Uh…burritos.
Mr. Herrera:  No, no, no.  ¿Como es Juan?  ¿Como es Juan?
Butt-head:  Uh…guacamole.
Mr. Herrera:  No, no.  ¿Señor Beavis, Como es Juan?
Beavis:  Um, spaghetti.
Butt-head:  Heh heh.  Spaghetti?
Mr. Herrera:  Spaghetti?  That's Italian, you moron!  Damn it, you idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year, and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell, and Beavis can't even get that right!  I'm gonna give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish, and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking.  [pause]  Well, I'm waiting.
Butt-head:  Uuh…[mocks Spanish accent]…rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh-Rico-Suave.  Huh-huh.
[class laughs]
Mr. Herrera:  Principal's office, now!
Beavis:  Ah, Taco Supreme.
Mr. Herrera:[Class continues laughing] GET OUT, NOW!
[Butt-head is holding a pencil over his crotch depicting an erect penis.  He and Beavis are laughing at it.  Butt-head then holds the pencil over his desk and drops it.  It hits the desk with the eraser end, causing it to bounce off of the desk.  It flies through the air and into Beavis's left eye and Beavis bleeds from his eye, screaming]
Beavis:  [screaming]  Aaaagh!!
Butt-head:  Whoa, that was cool, it really does happen.
[Beavis pulls the pencil out of his eye socket and chuckles]
Mr. Stevenson:  Okay.  Armstrong?
Armstrong:  Here.
Mr. Stevenson:  Armyho?
Armyho:  Present.
Mr. Stevenson:  Baca?
Baca:  Yo!
Mr. Stevenson:  Butkis?
Daniel Butkis:  Here. 
[Mr. Stevenson frowns as he catches Beavis and Butt-head laughing]
Mr. Stevenson:  Damn it, what's wrong with you two?  We've been in school over seven months now, and every single day, when I call Daniel Butkis's name, you guys have to laugh.  [Beavis and Butt-head laugh some more]  Is it really still that funny?  [Beavis and Butt-head laugh]  Doesn't it ever get old?  Are you gonna laugh for the rest of your lives every time someone says the name Butkis?  [Beavis and Butt-head laugh]  That does it.  Principal's office, now.
Principal McVicar:  Oh, you guys think this is funny?  You've been to four classes today and you've been sent here four times!  And this laughing thing, what the hell is with this laughing thing?!  All the teachers are sick of it!  Mr. Sherman, your history teacher, says he's completely given up on trying to teach your class about the gay '90s.  [Beavis and Butt-head start laughing harder]  See?  See?!  Now that's exactly what I'm talking about!  You are both suspended for a week!
Butt-head:  [he and Beavis stop laughing temporarily, still grinning]  Uhhh…what's that mean?
Principal McVicar:  It means I, uh-I-I don't wanna see ya anywhere near this school for a whole week!
Butt-head:  Cool!  [he and Beavis do air guitars and vocally imitate the guitar riff of "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses]
Principal McVicar:  Shut up!  Forget it.  No, no, you're not suspended.  No, I-I-I've got a better idea.  Yeah, hah!  I'm gonna get you guys this time.  [laughs and takes a bottle of Old Crow bourbon whiskey out from under his desk; Beavis and Butt-head start laughing again as McVicker drinks the whiskey]
Buzzcut:  So, Beavis and Butt-head.  I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys—yeah, a little probation.  You see, class, Beavis and Butt-head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week.  That's right, and if they do laugh, they'll be expelled and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents!  Ha, ha, ha!
[class giggles, except for Beavis and Butt-head who struggle to hold their laughter]
Buzzcut:  Well, I was real glad to hear that because this is sex-education week.  That's right, sex-ed week!  [Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter]  We're gonna be talkin' about the penis!  We'll be talking about the vagina!  Do you think that's funny, Butt-head?!  Do you find it amusing that we'll be talking about the testicles!?  [Butt-head strains to hold in his laughter]  Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about venereal disease!  Sexual intercourse!  The scrotum!  The clitoris!  And—and we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about masturbation!!  [class giggles; Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter]  Well, now that that's out of the way, let's take roll.  Butkis!
Daniel Butkis:  Here.  Ha ha ha.
Buzzcut:  Gaylord!  Hyman!

Notes:

  1. This is the DVD cut version which was edited to be exactly 6 minutes.  In the original version, Buzzcut also says that they will be talking about the "scrotum" and "clitoris," but does not take roll of the names with obvious vulgar connotations.  Also, a scene at the end in which Beavis and Butt-head say "They said penis…they said masturbation…they said vagina…that was cool" is not present.
  2. While the principal's name is depicted as McVicar in this episode, it is depicted as McVicker in later episodes.

"The Butt-head Experience" [2.15]

Butt-head:  You asswipe!  I was about to have a wet dream.
See also: "Sick" (S2E8).

"Lawn and Garden" [2.16]

Mr. Anderson:  Now, I want you boys to prune both of these trees up front here and I, uh…  Hey, you boys look familiar.  Aren't you the ones that ran off with my riding mower last week?
Butt-head:  Uh…no.
Mr. Anderson:  You the ones that painted my cat's butt?
Butt-head:  No.
Mr. Anderson:  Well, the cops'll get 'em.  Luckily, I've got homeowner's insurance.
Mr. Anderson:  I'll be back in a while to see how you're doing.  Remember, it ain't what you cut, it's what you don't cut.  [walks away]
Butt-head:  What a dork.
Mr. Anderson:  Boy, oh, boy.  What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with those little bastards that took my mower.
Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, do you think a man will ever land on Uranus?
Butt-head:  Maybe on your anus.
Beavis:  What are we supposed to do, again?
Butt-head:  Uh…I forgot.  Huh-huh, huh-huh.  Oh, yeah, I think we're supposed to, like, cut off the branches.
Beavis:  All of them?
Butt-head:  Yeah, I guess.
Beavis:  Cool!
Butt-head:  Hey, if we gotta cut off all the branches, let's just cut it right down here.  [points at the tree trunk]
Beavis:  Yeah.  Then we get 'em all at once.  You're pretty smart, Butt-head.
Butt-head:  Yeah.  Maybe he'll pay us extra.
Beavis:  Yeah, that would be cool.
Butt-head:  [uses chainsaw to cut down the tree, which falls on the house, the impact of which sends Tom Anderson to the ground; the tree pulls down telephone poles which smash into various cars and Tom Anderson's fence]  Whoa!  That was cool!  Huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beavis:  Yeah.  This chainsaw kicks ass!  Pruning is cool!
Butt-head:  Yeah!  Let's go prune some power lines!
[Tom Anderson shows up speechless]
Butt-head:  We're gonna have to charge you extra, sir.
Beavis:  Yeah, we pruned the house, too.

"Stewart's House" [2.17]

Beavis and Butt-head:  [upon deciding they wanted to watch Death Truck on pay-per-view]  Stewart's house!!
Stewart:  My parents aren't home.  They told me not to let you guys in the house even if they are here.
Beavis:  Think the carpet'll burn?
Disclaimer:  If you're not a cartoon, stove gas will kill you.
Butt-head:  Hey, Beavis.  I heard if you filled a room with gas and light a match, all the oxygen disappears and we'll get a killer buzz!
Mr. Stevenson:  This is bad, boys, for a number of reasons.  First is the trust factor.  Stewart, we trusted you to stay home unsupervised.  Now you violated that trust, didn't you?  [Beavis and Butt-head laugh]  Now you two, you came into my house and you blew it up.  Luckily, I've got homeowner's insurance.
Butt-head:  Huh-huh.  I bet you do.

"For Better or Verse" [2.18]

Beavis:  Light it first, then spray.  [Beavis lights a lighter and Butt-head sprays something from a can causing a burst of flames that singe Beavis's entire upper body.]
Butt-head:  That was cool.
Butt-head:  Which one's Ozzy?
Butt-head:  That's him in the Members Only jacket.
Mr. Van Driessen:  Today, we're going to explore the world of haiku.
Butt-head:  We're gonna explore the world of getting high?  Cool!  Huh huh.
Mr. Van Driessen:  No, Butt-head.  Not "high, cool," but the ancient, Japanese, spare, haunting poetry called "haiku."
Butt-head's poem:  That was cool huh huh
When we killed that frog huh huh
It won't croak again
Guidance counselor:  [looking at Beavis's and Butt-head's files]  Oh, well, there are people in the bottom percentile.

"Bedpans & Broomsticks" [2.19]

Butt-head:  [to a woman in labour]  Try the morphine.  It's excellent today.
Butt-head:  The fatter they are, the fatter they fall.
Beavis and Butt-head:(on Billy Bob's scooter doing a wheelie) DONUTTTTTT!
Billy Bob:(Catches the boys and is furious) THEY DIE!!!!!
[Beavis and Butt-head screams as Billy Bob breaks through the wall and runs towards them.]

"Babes R Us" [2.20]

Beavis and Butt-head:  [in unison]  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!
Daria:  Get a life.
Ticket clerk:  How old are you fellas?
Butt-head:  Fifteen.
Beavis:  Yeah, heh-heh.
Butt-head:  Uh…[in a deeper voice] uh, I mean, twenty-seven?
[Beavis has just thrown Butt-head in the mud hole.]
Butt-head: Hey spank your own monkey all you want, but keep your hands off mine.

"Yogurt's Cool" [2.21]

Guidance counselor:  Do either of you have metal plates in your skull?
Butt-head:  Uh, we're both metalheads.

"Heroes" [2.22]

Billy Bob:  Hey, there.  Welcome to Bob's Fancy Skeet.  You boys eighteen?
Butt-head:  Uh…no.
Billy Bob:  [coughs]  Let me start again.  Hey there, you boys eighteen?  [points to sign that reads, "MUST BE 18 OR OVER"]
Butt-head:  Uh…no.
Beavis:  You bagged a jumbo jet.
Butt-head:  Do I get to keep it?
Butt-head:  [reads instructions on door] In case of... uhh... pull... hand-le... [strains as he pulls the emergency handle on a door at the front of the jet, then gives up] Uuuhh...! that's hard!
Beavis:  Hey Butt-Head, pull my finger. Heh-heh-m.
Butt-head:  No way, huh-huh. Pull my leg. [They both leave the area]

"Washing the Dog" [2.23]

Butt-head:  Hey, Mr. Anderson, are you gonna die pretty soon?
Beavis:  Yeah, and leave all your money to someone?
Butt-head:  That would be cool.
Butt-head:  [upon smelling Anderson's sick dog]  Smells like teen spirit.
Beavis:  Smells like your butt.
Butt-head:  [reading sign above washing machines]  Huh huh huh, it says "load."
Butt-head:  [placing dog in washing machine]  It's a poodle, set it on "delicate."
Beavis and Butt-head:  [to the tune of "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest]  Washing the dog, washing the dog!  Washing the dog, washing the dog!
Beavis:  Heh heh, I barfed on the dog.
Butt-head:  Huh huh, I barfed on you.
Tom Anderson:  That's it!  Get your worthless hides off my property and don't ever come back!
Butt-head:  Uh…okay, but, uh, we got just one question.
Tom Anderson:  Get out!
Butt-head:  Uh…can we be in your will?

"Friday Night" [2.24]

Butt-head:  Check it out.  [the due sees a sign that reads, "WEINERS! 50¢"]
Biker lady:  [stuffing store items into Butt-head's then Beavis's clothes]  Now, listen, you just keep quiet and play dumb.
Beavis:  What does that mean?
Beavis:  Hey, Butt-head, I still got my condominium.  What do I do with it?
Both Beavis and Butt-head:  [in unison]  Saturday night!!

"Be All You Can Be" [2.25]

Sergeant Dick Leakey:  So, you boys know anyone in the military?
Butt-head:  Beavis's dad was in the Navy.
Sergeant Dick Leakey:  Is that right?
Butt-head:  Yeah, he was a seaman.
Sergent:  I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades, and uniforms.  I'll get you a delayed entry, and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix.
Butt-head:  Is that anywere near Fort Nuts?
Sergeant Dick Leakey:  Seems you boys joined by assigning youselves a rank.  So, which one of you signed up as "Major Woody" and "Private Parts"?!  Why, you little pinkos!

Cast

See also

Pilots • Seasons 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • Specials • Music videos • MTV programming • Feature film • Album • Main
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