South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

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South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is a 1999 film based on the animated television series South Park.

Directed by Trey Parker. Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Pam Brady.
Warning: This movie will warp your fragile little minds.taglines


Sharon Marsh: Well, good morning, Stan.
Stan: Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
Sharon Marsh: A movie?
Stan: Yeah. It's going to be the best movie ever. It's a foreign film from Canada.
Sharon Marsh: All right, here you go, but be back for supper.
Stan: Thanks, Mom.

Mrs. McCormick: Where do you think you're going?
Kenny: [muffled] I'm going to see the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Mrs. McCormick: You can't, you have to go to church.
Kenny: [muffled] But Mom, I really wanna see the movie!
Mrs. McCormick: Well, fine. You go ahead and miss church, and then when you die and go to Hell, you can answer to Satan!!!
Kenny: [muffled] Okay!

Ike: Ba-ba-ba-ba-bah!
Kyle: Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
Ike: Don't kick the baby.
Kyle: Kick the baby!
[Ike is kicked, and shrieks and giggles as he breaks through a window]
Sheila Broflovski: Ike! You broke another window! That's a bad baby! Bad baby!

Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman.
Cartman: Oh. Let's see. Uh, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
Kyle: Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!
Ike: Ba-ba-ba-bah.
Stan: Shh. The movie's starting.
[title appears, and then Terrance and Phillip appear.]
Boys: [happily] Hooray!
Phillip: Say, Terrance, what did the Spanish priest say to the Iranian gynecologist?
Terrance: I don't know, Phillip. What?
[Phillip farts in Terrance's face, then Terrance and Phillip laugh. The boys also laugh.]
Stan: Where do they come up with this stuff?
Terrance: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
[boys gasp]
Kyle: What did he say?
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh, yeah!
[Terrance and Phillip laugh again.]
Terrance: Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch!
[Terrance and Phillip laugh again.]
Phillip: Oh, you shit-faced cock master!
Boys: Wow!
Cartman: Shit-faced cock master.
Terrance: Listen, you donkey-raping shit eater!
Kyle: Donkey-raping shit eater.
Ike: Doppy-waping sheedeeder.
Terrance: You'd fuck your uncle!
Phillip: You'd fuck your uncle!
Terrance: [singing] ♪ Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker. You're a cock-sucking ass-licking uncle fucker. You're an uncle fucker, yes, it's true. Nobody fucks uncles quite like you. ♪
Phillip: ♪ Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker. You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucker. You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn. You just fuck your uncle all day long. ♪
[Phillip farts rhythmically]
Terrance: Hmm. [he farts as well, and he and Phillip fart to the song. Audience members exit the theater in disgust while the boys stay. Terrance and Phillip laugh and fart in a Mountie's face.]
Mountie: What's going on here?
[Terrance and Phillip continuously fart in Mountie's face.]
Woman: [disgusted] What garbage!
Man: Well, what do you expect? They're Canadian.
[the boy dance to the song as a Canadian crowd joins in]
Canadian Crowd: ♪ Uncle fucker! Uncle fucker, uncle fucker, uncle fucker! ♪ [harmonizing]
Terrance and Phillip: ♪ Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker. ♪
Terrance: Uncle fucker.
Terrance and Phillip: ♪ You're a boner-biting bastard, uncle fucker. ♪
Terrance: ♪ You're an uncle fucker, I must say. ♪
Phillip: ♪ Well, you fucked your uncle yesterday. ♪
[Terrance and Phillip laugh]
Terrance and Phillip: ♪ Uncle fucker. That's... ♪
Canadian Crowd: ♪ U-N-C-L-E. Fuck you! Uncle fucker! ♪
Phillip: Suck my balls!
[3 hours later, the boys exit the theater]
Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fucking ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrance and Phillip!
Theater Clerk: Hey, wait a minute: Where's your guardian?
Stan: Huh?
Theater Clerk: I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in, didn't you?
Cartman: [pause] Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater. [farts]
Kyle: Yeah! [singing] ♪ Shut you fucking face, uncle fucker. ♪
Boys: [joining in] ♪ You're an ass-licking, ball-sucking uncle fucker. ♪

[at South Park Elementary, the class sings "Uncle Fucker". Then Mr. Garrison enters and the class stops singing.]
Mr. Garrison: [as Mr. Hat] Okay, children, let's take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. [normal voice] We sure do, Mr. Hat. Okay, children, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde?
Clyde: Twelve?
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. [Cartman mocks Kyle in a high-pitched, gibberish voice] SHUT UP, FAT BOY!
Cartman: [enraged] HEY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, YA FUCKING JEW!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word??
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass.
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: [muffled] Fuck.
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[everyone gasps in shock]
Mr. Garrison: [furiously] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
Cartman: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was: [picks up a megaphone and clears throat] "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"
[Garrison stands rooted to the spot, furiously frozen]
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
[Craig sits in the chair in front of the counselor's office and grunts.]
Mr. Mackey: Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed in you boys, m'kay? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Now, I've already called in your mothers--
Kyle: [shocked] You called my mom?!
Mr. Mackey: That's right.
Kyle: [terrified] Oh, no, dude!
Cartman: Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?
Mr. Mackey: M'kay, what?
Cartman: What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
Stan: Yeah!
Mr. Mackey: Aah! N-Now I want to know where you heard these horrific obscenities, m'kay?
Stan: Nowhere.
Kyle: Uh, we heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before.
Stan: Yeah!
Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr. Garrison ever said, uh, "Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker".
[the boy start laughing]
Cartman: He-he-he-he! Sweet!
[the door suddenly slams open, and the boys's mothers come in, not looking happy at all.]
Stan: Uh-oh.
Mr. Mackey: Thank you all for coming on such short notice.
Sharon Marsh: This just isn't like you, Stanley.
Sheila Broflovski: What did my son say, Mr. Mackey? Did he say the S-Word?
Mr. Mackey: No, it was worse than that.
Sheila Broflovski: The F-Word?!
Mr. Mackey: Here's a list of the things they've been sayin'. M'kay?
[all the moms look at the list]
Sharon Marsh: Oh, dear God.
Sheila Broflovski: What the heck is a rimjob?
Liane: Why, that's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass.
[the others stare at Liane while Sheila frowns in anger and disgust at Liane]
Sheila: Young man, you will tell Mr. Mackey this instant where you heard all these horrible phrases!
Kyle: I--I--
Stan: We can't tell you. We all took a sacred oath, and swore ourselves to secrecy.
Cartman: It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Stan: Dude!
Cartman: What? Fuck you, guys. I wanna get out of here.
Sheila Broflovski: Terrance and Phillip? Those Canadians?!
Mr. Mackey: Excuse me, what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?
Sheila Broflovski: Terrance and Phillip are two very untalented actors from Canada. Nothing but foul language and toilet humor!
Mr. Mackey: Well, I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrance and Phillip.
Eric: Everybody's fuckin' seein' it.
Liane: [angrily] Eric!
Eric: I'm sorry, I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
[in the cafeteria]
Boy: My mom gave me egg again.
Stan Marsh: [thinking while looking at Wendy] ♪ There's the girl that I like. Over there laughing with that smart new-- ♪
Eric: [angrily and rudely] EY! YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE GODDAMN LUNCH LINE!
Chef: Hello there, children!
Boys: Hey, Chef.
Chef: How's it going?
Boys: Bad.
Chef: Why bad?
Kyle: We got busted for swearing. Our moms said we can't ever see the Terrence and Phillip movie again.
Chef: Oh, that's too bad.
Cartman: You should have seen Kyle when his mom showed up; he was scared out of his mind. [laughs]
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: No, dude. I'd be scared, too; your mom's a fuckin' bitch.
Chef: Whoa, children! When did you learn to talk like that?
Cartman: [While he, Kyle and Kenny are leaving Stan with Chef] It's pretty fuckin' sweet, huh?
Stan: Chef, how do you make a woman like you more than any other guy?
Chef: Oh, that's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris.
Stan: Huh?
Chef: Whoops!
Stan: What does that mean, "Find the clitoris."?
Chef: Uh, forget I said anything. Move along, children, you're holding up the line.
Stan: [to boys] You guys, do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?
Mr. Mackey: [over speakers] Uh, attention, students. We are now enforcing a new dress code at South Park Elementary: Terrance and Phillip shirts are no longer allowed in school. Anyone wearing Terrance and Phillip shirt is to be set home immediately.
Kids: [they are silent for a moment] Hooray! [they run out of the school, except for Wendy and Gregory.]

Sheila Broflovski: OK, everyone, settle down! As we continue to send troops into Canada, M.A.C. is also fighting the war against potty-mouths here at home. Here to present the V-chip, is Dr. Vozzknocker!
[Dr. Vozzknocker steps up to the podium. One man starts clapping, but stops when he realizes no one else is.]
Dr. Vozzknocker: [over slides about the V-chip] The machinery of the V-chip is very simple: it is placed under the child's skin, where it emits a small shock of electricity whenever an obscenity is uttered.
Randy Marsh: Now, uh, wait a minute. This chip somehow knows if the child is swearing?
Dr. Vozzknocker: It's just like a lie detector! You see, certain things happen to you when you swear, just like when you lie. The chip picks up on this and gives the subject a little prick. Patient B-5, would you step out here, please? [Cartman steps out in surgical wear.] Patient B-5 here has been fitted with the new V-chip.
Cartman: Ow, my head hurts.
Dr. Vozzknocker: Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say [shows an image card] "Doggy".
Cartman: ..."Doggy".
Dr. Vozzknocker: Notice that nothing happens. Now say [shows another image card] "Montana".
Cartman: "Montana".
Dr. Vozzknocker: Good! Now, "pillow".
Cartman: "Pillow"!
Dr. Vozzknocker: Alright, now I want you to say "horse-fucker".
[Cartman hesitates]
Liane Cartman: Go ahead, Eric. It's alright.
Cartman: Horse fu--[gets shocked] AII! [audience gasps] That hurt, goddamn i--[gets shocked again] OW! Fuck! [gets shocked a third time]
Dr. Vozzknocker: Now I'd like you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: NO!
Dr. Vozzknocker: Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
[Audience cheers]
Cartman: This isn't funny, you sons of bitche--[continues getting shocked and careens offstage]
Sheila Broflovski: We will start putting V-chips in all our children next week!

Liane Cartman: Eric, what is it?
Cartman: I saw him, I saw Kenny!
Liane Cartman: Oh, you poor dear. You've been through so much. [strokes Cartman]
Cartman: I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire and now he's all pissed off! [gets shocked by the V-chip] Aaggh! Hey, I can't say "pissed off"? [gets shocked again] Aaggh!

[At Kyle's house]
Kyle: OK. We can use my dad's computer to call all the kids together.
Stan: Wait. Before we put a message out, do a search on the word "clitoris".
Kyle: Oh, okay. [types] "Found: 8 million pages with the word 'clitoris'."
Stan: Wow!
Kyle: I'll just try the first one. [clicks] "You must be 18 to enter this website." Okay. [clicks] "Welcome to German Sick Fetish Video. If you are under 18, do not--" Well, okay. [clicks, and a video begins playing]
German man: Du hast scheiße gern. (Translation: You like shit.)
Kyle: Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
Stan: Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?
Cartman: [annoyed] Oh, very funny!
Kyle: Hey...It is Cartman's mom!
German man: Essen mein Scheiße. (Translation: Eat my shit.)
[Cartman gets up to see, pushing Kyle aside]
Liane: Alrighty, then.
Cartman: [furiously] Ah, son of a-- [gets shocked] AAAAGH! [falls over]
Ike: [entering] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
Kyle: Get outta here, Ike! You're too young for this stuff!
Ike: Bull-shitter.
Stan: What's she doing now?!
German man: Essen ihr Scheiße! (Translation: Eat your shit!)
Liane: Okey-dokey! [sounds of defecation]
The Boys: AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! [they quickly hurry away from the computer. Stan vomits]
German man: Schmeckt gut, ja? (Translation: Tastes good, yes?)
Stan: Click it off, dude, click it off! [Kyle does so] Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?!
Cartman: Alright, alright, let's just do what we came here to do and put a message out to kids.
Kyle: OK, let's see. I've gotta put out an all-access email. [glares at Cartman] Goddamn, your mom sucks, Cartman!
Cartman: Just get to the message board!

Cartman: Mom, if you were in a German Scheiße video, you would tell me, right?
Liane Cartman: [pause] Sure, hon. Good night!

Gregory: I must say, I don't believe I belong here with these rogues. I transferred from Yardale where I had a 4.0 grade point average.
Cartman: You're a fucking faggot, dude.

Kyle: Ike, you have to stay in the attic, 'cause if they find you, they'll put you in a Canadian concentration camp. Don't worry, Ike, we're gonna put an end to this, and then I'll make Mom come home and we'll be a family again. [leaves]
Ike: I like baby's home. [starts playing harmonica]

Gregory: [whispering] I'm here for "La Resistance".
Kyle: What's the password?
Gregory: [whispering] Uh, I don't know.
Kyle: Guess.
Gregory: [whispering] Uh, bacon.
Kyle: Fine.

Kyle: You're late, Cartman!
Cartman: [rubbing his rear] I had to ride my bike here. My behind is killing me.
Kyle: Your behind?
Cartman: I have to say "behind," 'cause I get shocked if I say "ass". [gets shocked by the V-chip] Ow!

Sheila Broflovski: Men, when you're out there in the battlefield and you're looking into the beady eyes of a Canadian as he charges you with his hockey stick or whatever he has and people are dying all around you, just remember what the MPAA says: "Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!" That is what this war is all about! [Soldiers Cheering]
Terrance: What?

Kyle: We can't leave without you!
The Mole: It's okay, I'm done for.
Kyle: No, we can't leave without you! We don't know where the Hell we are!

Kyle: Mole, be careful.
The Mole: Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb? [leaves]
Stan: [to Cartman] Dude, that kid is fucked up.

Shelly Marsh: All right, you turds, listen up! Your moms are away at a meeting, so they put me in charge of you. But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun. Any questions?
Stan: Shelly, where's the clitoris?
[Shelly picks up a chair and hits Stan over the head with it, outraged about what he just said]
Shelly Marsh: Now you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut while I go listen to my Britney Spears records. [opens & closes the door]

Stan: We're "La Resistance". We want to save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded to my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me. He has made my life miserable, so I call him a cock-sucking asshole, then I get grounded.

The Mole: Now, did you bring the mirror?
Stan: Got It.
The Mole: And the rope?
Stan: Check.
The Mole: And the butt-for?
Stan: What's a butt-for?
The Mole: For pooping, silly. [takes a long drag on his cigarette, then puffs out smoke]

Terrance: Want to see the northern lights?
[Lights his fart on fire and burns up]
Phillip: You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart.
Terrance: I sure did, Phillip.

[Phillip farts, sending Terrance flying through the air]
Terrance: Good one, Phillip!
Phillip: Cheers, fuck-face.
Conan O'Brien: Guys, you can't say that on TV.
Phillip: Now Terrance smells like my ass!
Brooke Shields: I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon!
[silence; Terrance slaps her]

[Terrance and Phillip are in electric chairs]
Sheila Broflovski: Gentlemen, do you have Any last words?
Phillip: Last words? Let's see. How's aboot "Get me the fuck out of this chair!"? How's that for last words?

Terrance: Oh, Phillip. This is worse than that night I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture.
Phillip: I know, Terrance. I know.

[at a spelling bee]
Teacher: All right, this is for the silver metal. Spell "forensics".
Boy: Ah, fuck that! Why should I have to fucking spell "forensics"?
Kids: Yeah!
Boy: Here you go! [writes on the blackboard] S-U-C-K M-Y A-S-S. Forensics.

Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Saddam Hussein: I love you.
Satan: I want to believe that.
Saddam Hussein: So let's shut off that light and get close, huh?

Saddam Hussein: Hey, Satan, I got some new luggage for our trip up to Earth. Let's fuck to celebrate!
Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm someone else?
Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minnelli?
[Satan walks off screen]
Saddam Hussein: Aw, don't get all pissy!

Billy Baldwin: [answers the phone] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin! If you want Daniel Baldwin, call his extension, stupid! [hangs up phone] Hey, Alec, do you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?
Alec Baldwin: No. What?
Billy Baldwin: Nothing! Yeah!
[Canadian jet fighters bomb the Baldwin residence, leaving only Billy alive]
Billy Baldwin: Ha-ha! You missed me!
[a single fighter returns and bombs him.]
[at South Park Elementary]
Mr. Garrison: Alright, children, your mothers are all making me throw away my lesson plan and teach theirs.
Stan: Mr. Garrison, how come our moms arrested Terrence and Phillip?
Kids: Yeah!
Kid: That's, that's gay.
Mr. Garrison: Uh, well, your moms are just upset. They're probably all on their periods or something.
Wendy: [whispers to Gregory] Not cool.
Gregory: Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think that was a sexist statement.
Mr. Garrison: Well, I'm sorry, Wendy, but I just don't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Anyway, children, let's start off with some vocabulary.
Mr. Mackey: [over speakers] Attention, students. M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: [annoyed] Oh, what now?
Mr. Mackey: [over speakers] Come to the gymnasium immediately for a special announcement. M'kay?

Saddam Hussein: Oh, boy! I'm so excited! Just one more day until we take over the world! I don't know if I can sleep, if you know what I mean.
Satan: [reading "Saddam is From Mars, Satan is From Venus"] This book is really interesting. It explains how people communicate differently, like how I communicate by wanting you to ask me questions, and then you--
Saddam Hussein: Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck!
Satan: [disgusted] Saddam! I'm trying to have a nice conversation with you!
Saddam Hussein: [pulls out a fake dildo from under the covers] Hey, Satan!
Satan: Oh! N-Now that is just not appropriate!
Saddam Hussein: Oh, come on, I'm just fucking with you, it's not real! [throws the fake dildo away]
Satan: Oh, well, that's still not appropriate.
Saddam Hussein: [pulls out another fake dildo] Hey, Satan--
Satan: Ah!
Saddam Hussein: Hey, [throws the other fake dildo away] it's not real either! Come on, guy!

Satan: [appears in front of Kenny] Fallen one, I am Satan. I am your God now. [Kenny screams and tightens his hood as he tries to run away, but Satan blocks him.] There is no escape! [Kenny is chained upside-down to a torture device, while whimpering in terror.] Now, feel the delightful pain. [pulls the lever.]
Saddam Hussein: [stopping Satan] Hey, Satan! [Kenny opens his eyes.] Did you hear the news? A war just broke out up on Earth.
Satan: [to Kenny] Meet Saddam Hussein, my new partner in evil!
Kenny: Huh?!
Saddam Hussein: Move over, Satan. You're hogging all the fun. [starts operating the torture device] Yeah! Yeah! Man, this is getting me so hot!
[Kenny continues whimpering]
Satan: [annoyed] Saddam, would you let me do my job, please?
Saddam Hussein: Come on, rub my nipples while I torture this little piggy.
Satan: Saddam, could I talk to you over here for a second? [he and Saddam sit on a sofa.] I don't see why you have to belittle me in front of people like that.
Saddam Hussein: Hey, relax, guy!
Satan: Well, sometimes, I think you don't have any respect for me.
Saddam Hussein: Hey, come here, guy. [strokes Satan] Who's my cream puff?
Satan: [flatly] I am.
Saddam Hussein: That's right, baby.
Kenny: [muffled, confused] Huh?

General: Battalion 5, raise your hands. [Battalion 5, made up entirely of African-Americans, including Chef, does so] You will be the all important first attack wave, which we will call "Operation: Human Shield".
Chef: [outraged] Hey, wait a minute!
General: Now keep in mind Operation: Human Shield will suffer heavy losses. Battalion 14? [Battalion 14, comprised entirely of Caucasians, raises their hands] Right, you are "Operation: Get Behind the Darkies". You will follow Battalion 5 here, and try not to get killed for God's sake! Are there any questions, men? [Chef raises his hand] Yes, soldier?
Chef: Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop.

General: Fucking Windows '98! Get Bill Gates in here! [Gates enters with guns held to his head] You told us that Windows '98 would be faster and more efficient, with better access to the Internet!
Bill Gates: It is faster, over 5,000,000-- [the General shoots Gates in the face]

Dr. Doctor: Close him up. we've done all we can. The rest is up to God. Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?
Kenny: [muffled] Holy shit, dude.
Dr. Doctor: How are you feeling, son?
Kenny: [muffled] Like a sick animal.
Dr. Doctor: Great. Son, we have some bad news. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato; you have about 3 seconds to live.
Kenny: [muffled, shocked] What?! [Kenny's blows up, spraying everyone with offal]
Cartman: Aw, fucking weak, dude!
Stan: Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! [Correcting his earlier statement when Kenny was run over by a truck after accidentally lighting himself on fire]
Kyle: You bastards!
Dr. Doctor: [tortured] Damn it! It never gets any easier! [walks away while whistling "Mountain Town"]
Cartman: [he, Kyle and Stan walk up to Kenny's corpse] I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him $100.
Kyle: Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.
Cartman: No, I know. I'm just fucking stoked I don't have to pay him.
Kyle: [angrily and sarcastically] Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck!
[the boys' mothers barge into the ER.]
Sheila Broflovski: So, boys, you saw that movie again?
Boys: [miserably] Yes.
Sheila Broflovski: Well, Kyle, I have had it! You are grounded for the next two weeks!
[the boys gasp in horror]
Kyle: [shocked] Grounded?
Sharon Marsh: And you, Stan, come on.
Liane Cartman: And you're grounded for three weeks, Eric.
Sheila Broflovski: W-W-WHAT?! What was that word, young man?!

Sheila Broflovski: Okay, everyone settle down! As we continue to send troops into Canada, M.A.C. is also fighting the war against potty mouths here at home. Here to present the V-Chip is Dr. Vosknocker.
Dr. Vosknocker: The machinery of the V-Chip is very simple. It is placed under the child's skin where it emits a small shock of electricity whenever an obscenity is uttered.
Randy Marsh: Now, uh, wait a minute. This chip somehow knows if the child is swearing?
Dr. Vosknocker: It's just like a lie detector, you see? Certain things happen to you when you swear, just like when you lie. The chip picks up on this, and gives the subject a little prick. [to Cartman] Patient B-5, would you step out here, please? [Cartman comes out.] Patient B-5 here has been fitted with the new V-Chip.
Cartman: [rubs his head in pain] Oh, my head hurts.
Dr. Vosknocker: Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: [nonchalantly] Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to parents] Notice that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now say "Montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: All right, now I want you to say "horse fucker".
[Cartman hesitates]
Liane Cartman: Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.
Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked] Aaah!! Yiii!! That hurt, godda-- [gets shocked] Aiii! Ow! Fuck! [gets shocked] Aghh!!
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I'd like you to say, "Big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: [angrily] No!
Dr. Vosknocker: Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: [angrily] This isn't fair, you sons of bitches! [gets shocked repeatedly, and screams in pain.]
Sheila Broflovski: We will start putting V-Chips in all our children next week!
[audience cheers]

Sheila: We must rid ourselves of anything Canadian!
Man in Crowd: Down with Canada!
Woman in Crowd: Bomb 'em!
[Clyde throws Terrance and Phillip dolls in fire.]
Kyle: Dude, don't you like Terrance and Phillip anymore?
Clyde: 'Course not! My mommy says I hate Canadians now 'cause they made me have a dirty mouth!
Woman: Burn it all! [throws "Alanis: Naked and Crying" CD in fire.]
Cartman: Hey, dudes.
Stan: What's the matter, Cartman?
Cartman: It's this V-Chip. I hate it. I can't say any dirty words.
Kyle: Really? So you can't say "Fuck"?
Cartman: No.
Kyle: And you can't say "shit"?
Cartman: Nope.
Kyle: So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman, the fattest fucking piece of shit in the world"?
Cartman: [angrily] Fuck you! [gets shocked by the V-chip] AAAAAH!
Kyle: Dude! Sweet!
Stan: Come on, you guys, this has gone far enough. It's time we talk to our moms.
Kyle: We're supposed to be grounded in our rooms!
Stan: Come on, Kyle! It's time for us to get political!

Sharon: [worried] My God, this is terrible.
Sheila: [proudly] This is what we wanted! We wanted our children to be brought up in a smut-free environment!
Sharon: But we didn't want this!
[the moms walk out]
Sheila: Where are you going?
Sharon: [angrily] We're going to find our boys! For God's sake, Sheila, we're going to get them killed!
[Sheila looks at the war.]
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a big, dumb Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
[man screams]
Kyle: Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!
Cartman: No, no, Kyle, don't be so hard on yourself.

[After a group of black soldiers escapes under Chef's order, protesting the idea of human shields]
Black Soldier: Great plan, Chef!
Chef: "Operation Human Shield," my ass!

Sheila Broflovski: NOOOOO! [Sheila refuses to listen to Kyle, pulls out a gun, and she shoots Terrance, killing him.]
Phillip: [shocked, as Terrance is shot and killed] Terrance!
[Shelia shoots and kills Phillip as well]
Kyle: [shocked and horrified] Holy shit, dude!
Sheila Broflovski: Young man, you watch your mouth!
[Terrance & Phillip's blood pour onto the soil. Suddenly, Satan and Saddam appear]
Satan: My time has come!
Saddam: You're all really fucked now!
General: It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!
[The soldiers attempt to shoot Saddam, but his body is bulletproof]
Saddam: [Laughs] What a dumb-ass!
[Demons rush out of the ground and attack everyone. Kenny comes out also]
Satan: [To Sheila] You have spilled the blood of the innocent. Now begins 2,000,000 years of darkness!
Chef: [angrily and sarcastically] Oh, good job, Miss Broflovski! Thanks a lot!
Sheila Broflovski: [scared] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children.
Saddam: Yeah, and you brought enough intolerance on the world to allow my coming! Now everyone, bow down to me! [Everyone does. Saddam laughs evilly] Yeah! Bend over!
General: Oh, what have we done?
Satan: Saddam, I'm the dark ruler, not you.
Saddam: Relax, bitch. You're better seen, not heard.
Kenny: [muffled] Satan, you've got to do something!
Satan: I can't.
Saddam: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing.
Cartman: [angrily] 'Ey! Don't call me fat, butt-fucker!
[He shoots pent-up electrical charges out of his fingers, which sends a demon flying into a rock. Cartman suddenly gets an idea and smiles]
Kyle: Yeah, Cartman. Do it!
[Shoots electricity at Saddam, attacking him]
Saddam: [getting electrocuted] Agghh!
Cartman: Yes!
Saddam: Hey, you need to watch your mouth, brat.
[Attacks Saddam more, much to everyone's surprise]
Saddam: [gets electrocuted] AAAHH! Quick, Satan, do something!
Cartman: Try this on for size. [inhales deeply] BLOOD-DRENCHED FROZEN TAMPON POPSICLE!
[Attacks Saddam more]
Saddam: Hey, buddy! I know I was mean before, but don't worry; I can change!
Satan: [in shock] Oh!
Cartman: Okay. [Saddam smiles evilly, people gasp in horror] Not! [inhales deeply] FUCK, SHIT, COCK, ASS, TITTIES, BONER, BITCH, MUFF, PUSSY, CUNT, BUTTHOLE, BARBRA STREISAND!!
[shoots electricity at Saddam, who is flown into a rock and severely electrocuted]
Saddam: AAAARRRGHHHH!! [To Satan] What are you waiting for, bitch? Destroy him! [Cartman gets scared] Come on, you weak, stupid cum-bucket! Save me!
Satan: [angrily] THAT'S IT! [Picks up Saddam] I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!
[He throws Saddam back into Hell]
Saddam: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! HEY, GUY! RELAAAAAAAAX!!!! [Saddam is impaled on a rock, and sighs in agony]
Satan: [sadly] He spent so much time convincing me I was weak and stupid that I...believed it myself. [to Kenny] I have you to thank, little one. You showed me that I had to get away from him. Just make any wish you want, and I shall grant it.
[Kenny makes a muffled wish. The boys gasp.]
Stan: Are you sure, Kenny?
General: What did he say?
Stan: He said that his wish is for everything to go back to the way it was before this horrible war.
Chef: Kenny, you'd realize that means you'd go back, too.
Kenny: I know. [talks to the boys in a muffled voice]
Satan: Well, very well, then. I will pull all my minions back. I guess I'm destined to live in Hell...alone. [sees Mr. Hat.] Hello. What's this? [picks up Mr. Hat.] Hi, there, little guy. Would you like to go to Hell with me? [as Mr. Hat.] Sure. I bet we could be best friends, Mr. Satan.
Chef: Feel free to come back and visit us anytime you want, Satan.
Satan: I just might do that.
Kyle: Thank you, Kenny.
Stan: Yeah, thanks for going back to Hell for us. You're a real pal.
[Kenny turns around, takes off his hood, and the camera shows his real face.]
Kenny: Good-bye, you guys. [smiles as he disappears. The boys smile and wave good-bye. Satan pulls all his minions back, and everything goes back to normal.]
Mr. Garrison: I--I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?
Big Gay Al: Wow, we were all dying and now we're fine. That's super!
Terrance: What the fuck's going on?
[a rainbow appears over South Park.]
Kyle: You see, Mom? After all that, it was Cartman's filthy fucking mouth that saved us all.
Sheila: [smiling] I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you, Kyle. [kisses Kyle]
[Wendy kisses Stan on the lips; Stan pukes on Wendy, but Wendy smiles]
Stan: But, Wendy, what about Gregory?
Wendy: Oh, Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.
Stan: You didn't?
Wendy: No, dude. Fuck Gregory! Fuck him right in the ear! [Gregory is angrily offended.]
Stan: [happily] Yay! Thank you, clitoris.
Chef: [singing] ♪ Everything worked out, what a happy end. Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down. ♪
Chorus: ♪ Good Lordy, I'm found. ♪
Boys: ♪ Don't you know our little lives are now complete? ♪
Liane, Sharon, Sheila: ♪ 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet. ♪
Sheila: Super sweet!
Chorus: ♪ Thank God we live in this quiet, little, piss-ant, redneck, Podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mud hole, pecker wood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, out-of-touch, white trash... ♪
Boys: Kick-ass!
Chorus: ♪! ♪
Kyle: [sees Kenny] Look!
[Kenny flies to heaven for his good deeds. South Park inhabitants wave good-bye to Kenny. Topless angels wait for Kenny, and two nude angels give Kenny a halo and wings.]

[last lines; in post-credits scene]
Ike: [sees mouse in attic] Guys out there is hurted. [eats mouse.]


  • Warning: This movie will warp your fragile little minds.
  • All Hell Breaks Loose
  • Uh oh.
  • It's not just another day in the park.
  • Uh-Oh, The Critics Love It!


  • Trey Parker — Eric Cartman/Stan Marsh/Mr. Garrison/Mr. Mackey/Randy Marsh/Ned Gerblanski/Army General/Bombadiers/Canadian Ambassador/Theatre Clerk/Phillip/Satan
  • Matt Stone — Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick/Saddam Hussein/Gerald Broflovski/Bill Gates/Jimbo Kearn/Terrance
  • Mary Kay Bergman — Liane Cartman/Sheila Broflovski/Sharon Marsh/Wendy Testaburger/Clitoris
  • Isaac Hayes — Chef (voice)
  • Jesse Howell — Ike Broflovski (voice)
  • Anthony Cross-Thomas — Ike Broflovski (voice)
  • Franchesca Clifford — Ike Broflovski (voice)
  • Jennifer Howell — Bebe Stevens (voice)
  • George Clooney — Dr. Gouache/Dr. Doctor (voice)
  • Brent Spiner — Conan O'Brien (voice)
  • Minnie Driver — Brooke Shields (voice)
  • Dave Foley — The Baldwin Brothers (voice)
  • Eric Idle — Dr. Vosknocker (voice)

External links[edit]

Trey Parker and Matt Stone
  Films     1990s     Cannibal! The Musical  (1993) · Orgazmo  (1997) · BASEketball  (1998) · South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut  (1999)  
  2000s     Team America: World Police  (2004)  
  Television     Time Warped  (1995) · South Park  (1997–present) · 50th Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards  (1998) · That's My Bush!  (2001) · Kenny vs. Spenny  (2003–2010) · How's Your News?  
  Music     DVDA · Chef Aid: The South Park Album  (1998) · Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics  (1999) · "Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld" (2000)  
  Theatre     The Book of Mormon  (opened 2011)  
  Video games     South Park: The Stick of Truth  (2014)  
  See also     The Spirit of Christmas  (1992, 1995) · Your Studio and You  (1995) · Princess  (1993)