South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is a 1999 adult animated musical comedy film American film based on the animated television series South Park.

Directed by Trey Parker. Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Pam Brady.

Warning: This movie will warp your fragile little minds. taglines

Dialogue

Sharon: Well, good morning, Stan.

Stan: Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?

Sharon: A movie?

Stan: Yeah. It's going to be the best movie ever. It's a foreign film from Canada.

Sharon: All right, here you go, but be back for supper.

Stan: Thanks, Mom.

---

Carol: Where do you think you're going?

Kenny: [muffled] I'm going to see the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Carol: You can't, you have to go to church.

Kenny: [muffled] But Mom, I really wanna see the movie!

Carol: Well, fine. You go ahead and miss church, and then when you die and go to Hell, you can answer to Satan!!!

Kenny: [muffled] Okay!

---

Ike: Ba-ba-ba-ba-bah!

Kyle: Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!

Ike: Don't kick the baby.

Kyle: Kick the baby!

[Ike is kicked, and shrieks and giggles as he breaks through a window]

Sheila: Ike! You broke another window! That's a bad baby! Bad baby!

---

Announcer: This program is brought to you by Snacky S'mores, the creamy fun of s'mores in a delightful cookie crunch. [the doorbell rings]

Cartman: Mom, somebody's at the door!

Liane: Coming, hon. [passes by in front of him]

Cartman: Ay! Can't see the TV!

Tom Pusslicker: It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars, and the world is still glad to be rid of him.

Liane: Oh, look, Eric. It's your little friends. [the boys enter]

Ike: Cartman!

Cartman: What are you guys doing here? [his friends show him the movie ad] Oh, sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!

---

Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman.

Cartman: Oh. Let's see. Uh, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.

Kyle: Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!

Ike: Ba-ba-ba-bah.

Stan: Shh! The movie's starting.

[title appears, and then Terrance and Phillip appear.]

Boys: [happily] Hooray!

Phillip: Say, Terrance, what did the Spanish priest say to the Iranian gynecologist?

Terrance: I don't know, Phillip. What?

[Phillip farts in Terrance's face, then Terrance and Phillip laugh. The boys also laugh.]

Stan: Where do they come up with this stuff?

Terrance: You're such a pig-f**ker, Phillip!

[boys gasp]

Kyle: What did he say?

Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-f**ker?

Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you f**k pigs.

Phillip: Oh, yeah!

[Terrance and Phillip laugh again.]

Terrance: Well, f**k my ass and call me a b*tch!

[Terrance and Phillip laugh again.]

Phillip: Oh, you shit-faced cock master!

Boys: Wow!

Cartman: Shit-faced cock master.

Terrance: Listen, you donkey-raping shit eater!

Kyle: Donkey-raping shit eater.

Ike: Doppy-waping sheedeeder.

Terrance: You'd f**k your uncle!

Phillip: You'd f**k your uncle!

Terrance: [singing] ♪ Shut your f**king face, uncle f**ka. You're a cock-sucking ass-licking uncle f**ka. You're an uncle f***a, yes, it's true. Nobody f***s uncles quite like you. ♪

Phillip: ♪ Shut your f**king face, uncle F**ka. You're the one that f***ed your uncle, uncle f***a. You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn. You just f*** your uncle all day long. ♪

[Phillip farts rhythmically]

Terrance: Hmm. [he farts as well, and he and Phillip fart to the song. Audience members exit the theater in disgust while the boys stay. Terrance and Phillip laugh and fart in a Mountie's face.]

Mountie: What's going on here?

[Terrance and Phillip continuously fart in Mountie's face, raising his hat off his head several times.]

Woman: [disgusted] What garbage…

Man: Well, what do you expect? They're Canadian.

[The boys dance to the song as a Canadian crowd join in]

Canadian Crowd: ♪Uncle f***a! Uncle f***, uncle f***a, uncle f***a!♪ [harmonizing]

Terrance and Phillip: ♪ Shut your f***ing face, uncle f***a. ♪

Terrance: ♪ Uncle f***a. ♪

Terrance and Phillip: ♪ You're a boner-biting bastard, uncle f***ka. ♪

Terrance: ♪ You're an uncle f***a, I must say. ♪

Phillip: ♪ Well, you f***ed your uncle yesterday! ♪

[Terrance, Phillip and the Canadian crowd laugh]

Terrance and Phillip: ♪ Uncle f***a. That's... ♪

Canadian Crowd: ♪ U-N-C-L-E. F**k you! Uncle f***a! ♪

Phillip: Suck my balls!

[3 hours later, the boys exit the theater]

Kyle: Dude, that movie was f******ing sweet!

Cartman: You bet your f***king ass it was!

Stan: F***k, dude, I wanna be just like Terrance and Phillip!

Theater Clerk (Rick): Hey, wait a minute, where's your guardian?

Stan: Huh?

Theater Clerk (Rick): I knew it, You paid a homeless guy to get you in, didn't you?

Cartman: [pause] F*** off, you donkey-raping sh*t eater. [farts]

Kyle: Yeah! [singing] ♪ Shut you f***ing face, uncle f***a. ♪

Boys: [joining in] ♪ You're an ass-licking, ball-sucking uncle f***a. ♪

---

[at Stark's Pond, in the afternoon]

Clyde: [skates up to them] Hey, where have you guys been all day?

Stan: Oh, nowhere. We just went to go see the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Bebe: [all the kids turn and gasp, then crowd in on the boys] You already saw it?

Clyde: How'd you get in?

Cartman: Hey, stop crowding us, you shit-faced cock-masters!

Kids: [awestruck] Wow!

Stan: Yeah, you're all a bunch of ass-ramming uncle f**kers.

Kids: [impressed] Ooh.

Clyde: [to Token] We have got to see this movie, dude.

Kyle: Terrance and Phillip are Canadian, just like my brother.

Stan: [Wendy comes into view, and a song plays in his mind] There's the girl that I like. ♪

Cartman: Hey, Stan, tell about when Terrance called Phillip a testicle sh*tting rectal wart.

Stan: ♪ Now, more than ever, she gives me butterflies. It makes my stomach queasy every time she walks by. ♪

Cartman: Asshole, I'm talking to you!

Stan: ♪ I know I can be cool if I try. ♪ [smiles. Wendy does a triple Lutz before landing before him. He gets ice all over his face.]

Wendy: Hi, Stan! [he vomits on her] Gross!

Gregory: [skates up next to her] Come, Wendy, let us try to jump the hilly brush.

Stan: [dusts himself off] Who are you, kid?

Gregory: My name is Gregory. I just transferred from Yardale, where I had a 4.0 grade point average.

Wendy: Wanna skate with us?

Gregory: We've been skating all morning and laughing, and talking of memories' past.

Stan: We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Gregory: [aloof] Oh ho. Try and catch me, Wendy! [skates off]

Wendy: Bye, Stan. [turns and skates away slowly]

Cartman: Yes, yes, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Who wants to touch me? [beat] I SAID WHO WANTS TO F*** ING TOUCH ME?!

Butters: [touches Cartman] Ooh.

Clyde: Come on, gang, we've gotta see the Terrance and Phillip movie, too! [the kids skate away, and only Cartman and Kenny remain]

Cartman: I hate you, Kenny. [Kenny looks back in anger]

---

[at South Park Elementary, the class sings "Uncle F***a". Then Mr. Garrison enters and the class stops singing.]

Mr. Garrison: [as Mr. Hat] Okay, children, let's take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. [normal voice] We sure do, Mr. Hat. Okay, children, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde?

Clyde: Twelve.

Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. [Cartman mocks Kyle in a high-pitched, gibberish voice] SHUT UP, FAT BOY!

Cartman: HEY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, YOU F***IN' JEW!

Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?

Cartman: Jew?

Kyle: No, he's talking about "f***". You can't say "f***" in school, you f***in’ fat ass!

Mr. Garrison: Kyle!

Cartman: Why the f*** not?

Mr. Garrison: Eric!

Stan: Dude, you just said "f***" again!

Mr. Garrison: Stanley!

Kenny: [muffled] F*ck.

Mr. Garrison: Kenny!

Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. F***, f**ity-f***-f***-f**k.

Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?

Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?

[everyone gasps in shock]

Mr. Garrison: [outraged] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Cartman: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was: [picks up a megaphone and clears throat] "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"

[Garrison stands rooted to the spot, furiously speechless]

Stan: Holy shit, dude.

[Craig Tucker sits in the chair in front of the counselor's office and sighs.]

Mr. Mackey: Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed in you boys, m'kay? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Now, I've already called in your mothers--

Kyle: [scared] You called my mom?!

Mr. Mackey: That's right.

Kyle: [frightened] Oh, no, dude!

Cartman: Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?

Mr. Mackey: M'kay, what?

Cartman: What's the big f***ing deal, b*tch?

Stan: Yeah!

Mr. Mackey: Aah! N-Now I want to know where you heard these horrific obscenities, m'kay?

Stan: Nowhere.

Kyle: Uh, we heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before.

Stan: Yeah!

Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr. Garrison ever said, uh, "Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker".

[the boys start laughing]

Cartman: He-he-he-he! Sweet!

[the door suddenly slams open, and the boys' mothers come in, looking angry.]

Stan: Uh-oh.

Mr. Mackey: Thank you all for coming on such short notice.

Sharon: This just isn't like you, Stanley.

Sheila: What did my son say, Mr. Mackey? Did he say the S-Word?

Mr. Mackey: No, it was worse than that.

Sheila: The F-Word?!

Mr. Mackey: Well, here's a list of the things they've been sayin'. M'kay?

[all the moms look at the list]

Sharon: Oh, dear God.

Sheila: What the heck is a rimjob?

Liane: Why, that's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass.

[the others stare at Liane while Sheila frowns in anger and disgust at Liane]

Sheila: Young man, you will tell Mr. Mackey this instant where you heard all these horrible phrases!

Kyle: I- I-

Stan: We can't tell you. We all took a sacred oath, and swore ourselves to secrecy.

Cartman: It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.

Stan: Dude!

Cartman: What? F*** you, guys. I wanna get out of here.

Sheila: Terrance and Phillip? Those Canadians?!

Mr. Mackey: Excuse me, what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?

Sheila: Terrance and Phillip are two very untalented actors from Canada. Nothing but foul language and toilet humor!

Mr. Mackey: Well, I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrance and Phillip.

Cartman: Everybody's f***in' seein' it.

Liane: [angrily] Eric!

Cartman: I'm sorry, I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

[in the cafeteria]

Boy: My mom gave me egg again.

Stan: [thinking while looking at Wendy] ♪ There's the girl that I like. Over there laughing with that smart new-- ♪

Cartman: [angrily and rudely] 'HEY! YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE GODDAMN LUNCH LINE!

Chef: Hello there, children!

Boys: Hey, Chef.

Chef: How's it going?

Boys: Bad.

Chef: Why bad?

Kyle: We got busted for swearing. Our moms said we can't ever see the Terrence and Phillip movie again.

Chef: Oh, that's too bad.

Cartman: You should have seen Kyle when his mom showed up; he was scared out of his mind. [laughs]

Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!

Cartman: No, dude. I'd be scared, too. Your mom's a f***in' bitch.

Kyle: DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH, YOU FAT F***!

Cartman: DON'T CALL ME "FAT", YOU BUTT-F***IN' SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Chef: Whoa, children! When did you learn to talk like that?

Cartman: [While he, Kyle and Kenny are leaving Stan with Chef] It's pretty f***in' sweet, huh?

Stan: Chef, how do you make a woman like you more than any other guy?

Chef: Oh, that's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris.

Stan: Huh?

Chef: Whoops!

Stan: What does that mean, "Find the clitoris."?

Chef: Uh, forget I said anything. Move along, children, you're holding up the line.

Stan: [to boys] You guys, do you know where I can find the clitoris?

Kyle: The what?

Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?

Mr. Mackey: [over speakers] Uh, attention students. We are now enforcing a new dress code at South Park Elementary: Terrance and Phillip shirts are no longer allowed in school. Anyone wearing a Terrance and Phillip shirt is to be set home immediately.

Kids: [they are silent for a moment] HOORAY! [they run out of the school, except for Wendy and Gregory.]

---

Canadian Ambassador: As the Canadian Ambassador, I hereby condemn the actions taken by America in apprehending Terrance and Phillip. As you can see from this graph, [shows a pie graph in which Terrance and Phillip have been allotted almost half] the entire economy of Canada relies on Terrance and Phillip. Without them, we are doomed to recession!

Head of the UN: What say you, Mr. American Ambassador?

American Ambassador: [he stands up and straightens his tie and flips the Canadian ambassador off] F*** Canada!

Canadian Ambassador: [responds with left fist in right elbow, and upraised right forearm] Hey, f*** you, buddy!

American Ambassador: Terrance and Phillip will not be released. They are going to be put on trial for corrupting America's youth. We don't know what all the fuss is about.

Canadian Ambassador: The fuss is aboot taking our citizens! It's aboot not censoring our art! It's aboot- [the American delegation begins to crack up] It's aboot- [he scans the room] What's so Goddamn funny?!

American Ambassador: [recovering] N-nothing, nothing. Uh, could you tell us again what your argument is all about?

Minster: This is not aboot diplomacy, this is aboot dignity. [the American delegates chuckle] This is aboot respect. This is about realizing that humor is- [the American delegation cracks up again]

Canadian Ambassador: You guys are dicks! Release Terrance and Phillip, or we'll give you something to cry aboot! [the American delegates are laughing so hard they begin falling off their chairs]

American Delegate: Stohohohop! Stohohop! [falls down]

---

[Cartman sees Kenny’s ghost and Liane comes into his room]

Liane: Eric, what is it?

Cartman: I saw him, I saw Kenny!

Liane: Oh, you poor dear. You've been through so much. [strokes Cartman]

Cartman: I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire and now he's all pissed off! [gets shocked by the V-chip] Aaggh! Hey, I can't say "pissed off"? [gets shocked again] Aaggh!

---

[At Kyle's house]

Kyle: Okay. We can use my dad's computer to call all the kids together.

Stan: Wait. Before we put a message out, do a search on the word "clitoris".

Kyle: Oh, okay. [types] "Found: 8 million pages with the word 'clitoris'."

Stan: Wow!

Kyle: I'll just try the first one. [clicks] "You must be 18 to enter this website." Okay. [clicks] "Welcome to German Sick Fetish Video. If you are under 18, do not--" Well, okay. [clicks, and a video begins playing]

German man: Du hast scheiße gern. [Translation: You like shit.]

Kyle: Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!

Stan: Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?

Cartman: [annoyed] Oh, very funny!

Kyle: Hey. It is Cartman's mom!

German man: Essen mein Scheiße. [Translation: Eat my shit.]

[Cartman gets up to see, pushing Kyle aside]

Liane: Alrighty, then.

Cartman: [furiously] Ah, son of a bi-- [gets shocked] AAAAGH! [falls over]

Ike: [entering] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!

Kyle: Get outta here, Ike! You're too young for this stuff!

Ike: Bullshit.

Stan: What's she doing now?!

German man: Essen ihr Scheiße! [Translation: Eat your shit!]

Liane: Okey-dokey! [sounds of defecation]

The Boys: AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! [they quickly hurry away from the computer; Stan vomits]

German man: Schmeckt gut, ja? [Translation: Tastes good, yes?]

Stan: Click it off, dude, click it off! [Kyle does so] Dude, what the f*** is wrong with German people?!

Cartman: Alright, alright, let's just do what we came here to do and put a message out to kids.

Kyle: Okay, let's see. I've gotta put out an all-access email. [glares at Cartman] Goddamn, your mom sucks, Cartman!

Cartman: Just get to the message board!

---

Cartman: Mom, if you were in a German Scheiße video, you’d tell me, right?

Liane: [pause] Sure, hon. Good night!

---

Gregory: I must say, I don't believe I belong here with these rogues. I transferred from Yardale where I had a 4.0 grade point average.

Cartman: You're a f***ing faggot, dude.

---

Kyle: Ike, you have to stay in the attic, 'cause if they find you, they'll put you in a Canadian concentration camp. Don't worry, Ike, we're gonna put an end to this, and then I'll make Mom come home and we'll be a family again. [leaves]

Ike: I like baby's home. [starts playing harmonica]

---

Gregory: [whispering] I'm here for "La Resistance".

Kyle: What's the password?

Gregory: [whispering] Uh, I don't know.

Kyle: Guess.

Gregory: [whispering] Uh, bacon.

Kyle: Fine.

---

Kyle: You're late, Cartman!

Cartman: [rubbing his rear] I had to ride my bike here. My behind is killing me.

Kyle: Your behind?

Cartman: I have to say "behind", 'cause I get shocked if I say "ass". [gets shocked by the V-chip] Ow!

---

Sheila: Men, when you're out there in the battlefield and you're looking into the beady eyes of a Canadian as he charges you with his hockey stick or whatever he has and people are dying all around you, just remember what the MPAA says: "Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!" That is what this war is all about! [soldiers cheer]

Terrance: What?

---

Kyle: We can't leave without you!

The Mole: It's okay, I'm done for.

Kyle: No, we can't leave without you! We don't know where the hell we are!

---

Kyle: Mole, be careful.

The Mole: Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb? [leaves]

Stan: [to Kyle] Dude, that kid is f***ed up.

---

Shelly: All right, you turds, listen up! Your moms are away at a meeting, so they put me in charge of you. But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun. Any questions?

Stan: Shelly, where's the clitoris?

[Shelly, outraged about what Stan just said, picks up a chair and hits Stan over the head with it]

Shelly: Now you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut while I go listen to my Britney Spears records. [opens and closes the door]

---

Stan: We're "La Resistance". We wanna save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.

The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded to my room for the next three days.

Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.

Stan: Why are you grounded?

The Mole: Why? Because God hates me. He has made my life miserable, so I call him a cock-sucking asshole, then I get grounded.

---

The Mole: Now, did you bring the mirror?

Stan: Got it.

The Mole: And the rope?

Stan: Check.

The Mole: And the butt-for?

Stan: What's a butt-for?

The Mole: For pooping, silly. [takes a long drag on his cigarette, then puffs out smoke]

---

Terrance: Want to see the northern lights?

[Lights his fart on fire and burns up]

Phillip: You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart.

Terrance: I sure did, Phillip.

---

[Phillip farts, sending Terrance flying through the air]

Terrance: Good one, Phillip!

Phillip: Cheers, f***-face.

Conan O'Brien: Guys, you can't say that on TV.

Phillip: Now Terrance smells like my ass!

Brooke Shields: I farted once on the set of (The) Blue Lagoon!

[silence; Terrance slaps her]

---

[Terrance and Phillip are in electric chairs]

Sheila: Gentlemen, do you have any last words?

Phillip: Last words? Let's see. How's aboot "Get me the f*** out of this chair!"? How's that for last words?

---

Terrance: Oh, Phillip. This is worse than that night I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture.

Phillip: I know, Terrance. I know.

---

[at a spelling bee]

Teacher: All right, this is for the silver medal. Spell "forensics".

Boy: Ah, f*** that! Why should I have to f***ing spell "forensics"?

Kids: Yeah!

Boy: Here you go! [writes on the blackboard] S-U-C-K M-Y A-S-S. Forensics.

---

Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?

Saddam Hussein: I love you.

Satan: I want to believe that.

Saddam Hussein: So let's shut off that light and get close, huh?

---

Saddam Hussein: Hey, Satan, I got some new luggage for our trip up to Earth. Let's f**k to celebrate!

Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm someone else?

Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minnelli? [Satan walks off screen] Aw, don't get all pissy!

---

William "Billy" Baldwin: [answers the phone] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin! If you want Daniel Baldwin, call his extension, stupid! [hangs up phone] Hey, Alec, do you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?

Alec Baldwin: No. What?

William "Billy" Baldwin: Nothing! Yeah!

[Canadian jet fighters bomb the Baldwin residence, leaving only Billy alive]

William "Billy" Baldwin: Ha-ha! You missed me! [a single fighter returns and bombs him.]

[at South Park Elementary, the school bell rings]

Mr. Garrison: Alright, children, your mothers are all making me throw away my lesson plan and teach theirs.

Stan: Mr. Garrison, how come our moms arrested Terrence and Phillip?

Kids: Yeah!

Kid: That's, that's gay.

Mr. Garrison: Uh, well, your moms are just upset. They're probably all on their periods or something.

Wendy: [whispers to Gregory] Not cool.

Gregory: Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think that was a sexist statement.

Mr. Garrison: Well, I'm sorry, Wendy, but I just don't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Anyway, children, let's start off with some vocabulary.

Mr. Mackey: [over speakers] Attention, students. M'kay?

Mr. Garrison: [annoyed] Oh, what now?

Mr. Mackey: [over speakers] Come to the gymnasium immediately for a special announcement. M'kay?

---

Saddam Hussein: Oh, boy! I'm so excited! Just one more day until we take over the world! I don't know if I can sleep, if you know what I mean.

Satan: [reading "Saddam Hussein is From Mars, Satan is From Venus"] This book is really interesting. It explains how people communicate differently, like how I communicate by wanting you to ask me questions, and then you--

Saddam Hussein: Hey, that is interesting! Let's f***!

Satan: [disgusted] Saddam! I'm trying to have a nice conversation with you!

Saddam Hussein: [pulls out a fake dildo from under the covers] Hey, Satan!

Satan: Oh! N-Now that is just not appropriate!

Saddam Hussein: Oh, come on, I'm just f***ing with you, it's not real! [throws the fake dildo away]

Satan: Oh. Well, that's still not appropriate.

Saddam Hussein: [pulls out another fake dildo] Hey, Satan--

Satan: Ah!

Saddam Hussein: Hey, [throws the other fake dildo away] it's not real either! Come on, guy!

---

Satan: [appears in front of Kenny] Fallen one, I am Satan. I am your God now.

Kenny: [muffled] Oh, my God! [tightens his hood as he tries to run away, but Satan blocks him.]

Satan: There is no escape! [Kenny is chained upside-down to a torture device, while whimpering in terror.] Now, feel the delightful pain. [pulls the lever.]

Kenny: [muffled] Ow. That hurts. Ooowww!

Saddam Hussein: [stopping Satan] Hey, Satan! [Kenny opens his eyes.] Did you hear the news? A war just broke out up on Earth.

Satan: [to Kenny] Meet Saddam Hussein, my new partner in evil!

Kenny: [muffled] Huh?!

Saddam Hussein: Move over, Satan. You're hogging all the fun. [starts operating the torture device] Yeah! Yeah! Man, this is getting me so hot!

Kenny: [muffled] Hey, what the f***?!

Satan: [annoyed] Saddam, would you let me do my job, please?

Saddam Hussein: Come on, rub my nipples while I torture this little piggy.

Satan: Saddam, could I talk to you over here for a second? [he and Saddam sit on a sofa.] I don't see why you have to belittle me in front of people like that.

Saddam Hussein: Hey, relax, guy!

Satan: Well, sometimes, I think you don't have any respect for me.

Saddam Hussein: Hey, come here, guy. [hugs and strokes Satan] Who's my cream puff?

Satan: [flatly] I am.

Saddam Hussein: That's right, baby.

Kenny: [muffled, confused] Huh?

---

General Plymkin: Battalion 5, raise your hands. [Battalion 5, made up entirely of African-Americans, including Chef, does so] You will be the all important first attack wave, which we will call "Operation: Human Shield".

Chef: [outraged] Hey, wait a minute!

General Plymkin: Now keep in mind Operation: Human Shield will suffer heavy losses. Battalion 14? [Battalion 14, comprised entirely of Caucasians, raises their hands] Right, you are "Operation: Get Behind the Darkies". You will follow Battalion 5 here, and try not to get killed for God's sake! Are there any questions, men? [Chef raises his hand] Yes, soldier?

Chef: Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?

General Plymkin: I don't listen to hip-hop. After that, we will march into the heart of Canada, and we will-- [map begins wigging out, Saddam's visage begins to take over the hologram]

Saddam Hussein: [tauntingly] Comin' to get ya. Comin' to get ya.

General Plymkin: What's wrong with this thing? [hologram shorts out] F***ing Windows 98! Get Bill Gates in here! [Gates enters via soldiers] You told us Windows '98 would be faster and more efficient, with better access to the Internet!

Bill Gates: It is faster, over five million-- [the General shoots Gates in the face]

General Plymkin: All right, men! Get lots of rest, and prepare to fight the Canadian scum! [soldiers cheer]

---

Stan: Man, that movie gets better every time I see it.

Clerk: Hey!

Cartman: Yeah, but you know what? That whole part about lighting farts is bullsh*t. You can't do that.

Kenny: [muffled] Yeah, you can.

Cartman: No way.

Kenny: [muffled] Yes, you can. You can too light a fart on fire!

Cartman: [furiously] Okay, Kenny, I’ll bet you $100 you can't light a fart on fire!

Kenny: [muffled] Yeah, you can. Check it out! [pulls out a match and lights a fart on fire, then laughs. His parka suddenly erupts in flames and he screams in horror]

Kyle: HOLY SHIT, DUDE!

Cartman: AHH! OH, MY GOD! [begins beating Kenny with a stick] OH, SH*T! OH, SH*T!

Stan: [steps forward and yells] HELP! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING! [steps back]

Cartman: [the stick lights up] AHH! THIS STICK IS ON FIRE! [adding insult to injury, an ambulance rushes up and stops, but a Russell's Salt truck rushes up and bumps it away. The truck bed lifts up at the front end and dumps the salt on Kenny.]

Stan: OH, MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY!

Kyle: YOU BASTARD!

Cartman: Well, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh?

[scene cuts to an ER, and Kenny is pushed inside]

Nurse: Over here, Doctor.

Dr. Doctor: Load that IV with 70 cc's of sodium pentothal!

Nurse: We just called the parents.

Kyle: Oh, shit, dude! Now our moms are gonna find out we went to the Terrance and Phillip movie again.

Dr. Doctor: Vacuum! Try to untangle his trachea and esophagus.

Stan: Dude!

Dr. Doctor: No, that doesn't go there!

Stan: Oh! [vomits]

Kyle: Gross, Stan!

Cartman: That's sick!

Nurse: Watch his liver.

Assistant: I'll get it.

Dr. Doctor: We have precious little time left, people. We're gonna lose him soon.

Nurse: [the heart monitor flatlines] Doctor, his heart stopped!

Dr. Doctor: Let's get it out of there. [rips the heart out and holds it up] We need to zap this quick! [he rushes the heart to the microwave, opens it and finds a baked potato inside] Who's making a potato?

Assistant: My bad, sir. I missed lunch.

Dr. Doctor: Damn it! I'm not gonna lose this kid! [places the heart next to the potato, and the hours roll by, from 2:45 P.M. to 8:22 P.M.] Close him up. we've done all we can. The rest is up to God. Kenny? [Kenny slowly comes to as he opens an eye] Kenny, can you hear me?

Kenny: [muffled] Holy shit, dude.

Dr. Doctor: How are you feeling, son?

Kenny: [muffled] Like a sick animal.

Dr. Doctor: Great. Son, we have some bad news. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato; you have about 3 seconds to live.

Kenny: [muffled, shocked] WHAT?! [Kenny's potato heart blows up, spraying everyone with offal]

Cartman: Aw, f**king weak, dude!

Stan: Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! [Correcting his earlier statement when Kenny was run over by a truck that dumped salt over him after accidentally lighting himself on fire]

Kyle: You bastards!

Dr. Doctor: [tortured] DAMMIT! IT NEVER GETS ANY EASIER! [walks away whistling, and the other staff following out the door]

Cartman: [he, Kyle and Stan walk up to Kenny's corpse] I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him $100.

Kyle: Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.

Cartman: No, I know. I'm just f***in’ stoked I don't have to pay him.

Kyle: [angrily and sarcastically] Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat f**k!

[the boys' mothers barge into the ER.]

Sheila: So, boys, you saw that movie again?

Boys: [miserably] Yes.

Sheila: Well, Kyle, I have had it! You are grounded for the next two weeks!

[the boys gasp in horror]

Kyle: [shocked] Grounded?

Sharon: And you, Stan, come on. [Stan exits, and the other two follow]

Liane: And you're grounded for three weeks, Eric.

Cartman: 'EY, WHY AM I GROUNDED MORE?! THAT'S F***ING BULLSH*T!

Sheila: W-W-WHAT?! What was that word, young man?!

---

Cartman: You guys, this is all Kyle's Mom's fault.

Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!

Cartman: Kyle's Mom is the one that started that damn club, and all because she's a big, fat, stupid bi--

Kyle: Don't say it, Cartman!

Cartman: ♪ Well-- ♪

Kyle: Don't do it, Cartman!

Cartman: ♪ Well-- ♪

Kyle: [threatingly] I'm warning you!

Cartman: Okay, okay.

Kyle: [to kids] I'm gettin' pretty sick of him calling my mom a--

Cartman: ♪ Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch ♪
♪ She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world ♪
♪ She's a stupid bitch ♪
♪ If there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls. ♪

Kyle: Shut your f***ing mouth, Cartman!

Cartman: ♪ On Monday she's a bitch ♪
♪ On Tuesday she's a bitch ♪
♪ On Wednesday to Saturday she's a bitch ♪
♪ Then on Sunday, just to be different ♪
♪ She's a super King Kamehameha biyotch! ♪
Come on! You all know the words!

Cartman and Kids: ♪ Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? ♪
♪ She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. ♪
♪ She's a mean ole bitch, and she has stupid hair. ♪
♪ She's a bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch. ♪
♪ Bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch. ♪
♪ She's a stupid bitch! ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ Kyle's mom's a bitch ♪
♪ And she's such a dirty bitch! ♪
♪ Bitch! ♪
Talk to kids around the world, it might go a little bit somethin’ like this!

Chinese Kids: ♪ Kǎizi de māmā shìgè pōfù, tā shì jī lǎo mìshù dàshī, wǒ zhǐ xiǎng shuō, mōle bèi tā biàn pōfù! ♪

French Kids: ♪ Elle est la plus grande chienne dans le monde entier ♪

Dutch Kids: ♪ Ze is een stom kutwijf, als er iemand een kutwijf was ♪

Swahili Kids: ♪ Yeye ni Bitch yote ya wavulana na wasichana. ♪

Cartman and Kids: ♪ Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? ♪
♪ She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world ♪
♪ She's a mean ole bitch, and she has stupid hair ♪
♪ She's a bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch ♪

[Sheila appears, and the kids gasp in shock]

Cartman: ♪ Bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch-bitch ♪
♪ She's a stupid bitch! ♪

Stan: Uh, Cartman--

Cartman: ♪ Kyle's mom's a bitch ♪
♪ And she's such a dirty bitch! ♪
♪ I really mean it ♪
♪ Kyle's mom ♪
♪ She's a big fat f***in’ bitch! ♪
♪ Big ole fat f***in’ bitch, Kyle's mom! ♪
Yeah! Chaaaa! [notices kids shocked; obliviously] What? [turns about and see Sheila angry staring at him from behind; dumbfounded] Oh, f**k.

[camera cuts to outside of South Park Elementary at night]

Sheila: Okay, everyone, settle down! As we continue to send troops into Canada, M.A.C. is also fighting the war against potty-mouths here at home. Here to present the V-Chip is Dr. Vosknocker.

Dr. Vosknocker: The machinery of the V-Chip is very simple. It is placed under the child's skin where it emits a small shock of electricity whenever an obscenity is uttered.

Randy: Now, uh, wait a minute; This chip somehow knows if the child is swearing?

Dr. Vosknocker: It's just like a lie detector, you see. Certain things happen to you when you swear, just like when you lie. The chip picks up on this and gives the subject a little prick. [to Cartman] Patient B-5, would you step out here, please? [Cartman comes out.] Patient B-5 here has been fitted with the new V-Chip.

Cartman: [rubs his head in pain] Oh, my head hurts.

Dr. Vosknocker: Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say "doggy".

Cartman: [nonchalantly] Doggy.

Dr. Vosknocker: [to parents] Notice that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now say "Montana".

Cartman: Montana.

Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now "pillow".

Cartman: Pillow.

Dr. Vosknocker: All right, now I want you to say, "horse f***er".

[Cartman hesitates]

Liane: Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.

Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked] 'AAAH!!' Yiii!! [crowd gasps] That hurt, Godda-- [gets shocked] AIII! OW! F**k! [gets shocked] Aghh!!

Dr. Vosknocker: Now I'd like you to say, "Big Floppy Donkey D*ck".

Cartman: [angrily] NO!

Dr. Vosknocker: Success! The child doesn't want to swear!

Cartman: [angrily] This isn't fair, you sons of bitches! [gets shocked repeatedly, and screams in pain]

Sheila: We will start putting V-Chips in all our children next week!

[audience cheers]

---

[in the center of South Park, a bonfire is lit up. Citizens have thrown any Canadian items in it like a book burning]

Sheila: We must rid ourselves of anything Canadian!

Man in Crowd: Down with Canada!

Woman in Crowd: Bomb 'em!

[Clyde throws Terrance and Phillip dolls in fire.]

Kyle: Dude, don't you like Terrance and Phillip anymore?

Clyde: 'Course not! My mommy says I hate Canadians now 'cause they made me have a dirty mouth!

Woman: Burn it all! [throws "Alanis: Naked and Crying" CD in fire.]

Cartman: Hey, dudes.

Stan: What's the matter, Cartman?

Cartman: It's this V-Chip. I hate it. I can't say any dirty words.

Kyle: Really? So you can't say "F***k"?

Cartman: No.

Kyle: And you can't say "shit"?

Cartman: Nope.

Kyle: So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman, the fattest F***ing piece of sh*t in the world"?

Cartman: [angrily] F*** YOU! [gets shocked by the V-chip] AAAAAH!

Kyle: Dude! Sweet!

Stan: Come on, you guys, this has gone far enough. It's time we talk to our moms.

Kyle: We're supposed to be grounded in our rooms.

Stan: Come on, Kyle! It's time for us to get political.

Sheila: Canada will no longer corrupt our children! [crowd cheers]

Kyle: [he and the other boys appear on stage] Mom, can I talk to you?

Sheila: Kyle, what are you doing here? You are grounded! Now get back to the house and stay there!

Sharon: You, too, Stanley.

Stan: Mom, we think you're going too far! You can't kill Terrence & Phillip!

Sheila: We must fight for our children's futures!

Stan: You started a war; you have to stop it!

Sharon: To make them safe again!

Stan: Hello?

Sheila: Our children are precious!

Stan: Hello?

[Stan waves his hand to get the mothers' attention, but they just ignore them. He, Kyle and Cartman then walk away, giving up]

Sheila: We must make a stand now! Stop at nothing!

Kyle: I told you my mom wouldn't listen.

Stan: Well then, we're just gonna have to save Terrance and Phillip ourselves!

Kyle and Cartman: What?

Stan: Think about it, you guys. What would Brian Boitano do? He'd figure out a way to rescue Terrance and Phillip before they're executed!

Kyle: We can't do anything. Our moms' organization is too strong.

Stan: Well then, we'll round up all the grounded kids in town and start our own organization. An organization to help save Terrance and Phillip!

Cartman: Hey, yeah! Our own secret club.

Kyle: I guess that could work.

Stan: We have to try! ♪ What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now? ♪
♪ He'd make a plan and he'd follow through. ♪
♪ That's what Brian Boitano'd do! ♪

Kyle: ♪ When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the gold ♪
♪ He did two Salchows and a triple Lutz while wearing a blindfold! ♪

Cartman: ♪ When Brian Boitano was in the Alps fighting grizzly bears ♪
♪ He used his magical fire-breath and saved the maidens fair! ♪

Stan and Kyle: ♪ So what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today? ♪
♪ I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two. ♪
♪ That's what Brian Boitano'd do!

Cartman: ♪ I want this V-chip out of me. ♪
♪It has stunted my vocabulary. ♪

Kyle: ♪ And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone. ♪

Stan: ♪ For Wendy I'll be an activist, too ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! ♪

The boys: ♪ And what would Brian Boitano do? ♪
♪ He'd call all the kids in town. ♪
♪ And tell them to unite for truth. ♪
♪ That's what Brian Boitano'd do! ♪

Brian Dennehy: [walks onscreen] Did someone say my name?

Stan: Who are you?

Brian Dennehy: I'm Brian Dennehy.

Kyle: What? No, not f***in' Brian Dennehy!

Stan: Yeah, get the f*** out of here!

Brian Dennehy: Oh. Bye. [walks offscreen]

The boys: ♪ When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010 ♪
♪ He fought the evil Robot King and saved the human race again. ♪

Cartman: ♪ And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids, he beat up Kublai Khan! ♪

Stan and Kyle: ♪ 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit ♪ [Cartman joins in] ♪ From anybody! ♪
♪ So let's call all the kids together ♪
♪ And unite to stop our moms. ♪
♪ And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! ♪
♪ And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! ♪
♪ 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! ♪

---

Sharon: [worried] My God. This is terrible!

Sheila: [proudly] This is what we wanted! We wanted our children to be brought up in a smut-free environment!

Sharon: But we didn't want this!

[the moms walk out]

Sheila: Where are you going?

Sharon: [angrily] We're going to find our boys! For God's sake, Sheila, we're going to get them killed!

[Sheila looks at the war.]

Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a big, dumb Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.

[man screams]

Kyle: Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!

Cartman: No, no, Kyle, don't be so hard on yourself.

---

[After a group of black soldiers escapes under Chef's order, protesting the idea of human shields]

Black Soldier: [sarcastically] Great plan, Chef!

Chef: [justifying his actions] "Operation Human Shield", my ass!

---

Sheila: NOOOOO! [pulls out a gun, and she shoots Terrance, killing him.]

Phillip: [shocked, as Terrance is shot and killed] Terrance!

[Sheila shoots and kills Phillip as well]

Kyle: [shocked and horrified] Holy shit, dude!

Sheila: [hypocritically] Young man, you watch your mouth!

[Terrance & Phillip's blood pour onto the soil. Suddenly, Satan and Saddam Hussein appear]

Satan: [roars] My time has come!

Saddam Hussein: You're all really f***ed now!

General Plymkin: It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!

[The soldiers attempt to shoot Saddam, but the bullets ricochet off his body]

Saddam Hussein: [laughs] What a dumbass!

[Demons rush out of the ground and attack everyone. Kenny comes out also]

Satan: [To Sheila] You have spilled the blood of the innocent. Now begins 2,000,000 years of darkness!

Chef: [angrily and sarcastically] Oh, good job, Mrs. Broflovski! Thanks a lot!

Sheila: [alarmed] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children.

Saddam Hussein: Yeah, and you brought enough intolerance on the world to allow my coming! Now everyone, bow down to me! [both the Canadian soldiers and the American soldiers obey Saddam Hussein.] [evilly] Yeah, ha-ha-ha-haaa! Yeah! Bend over!

General Plymkin: Oh, what have we done?

Satan: Saddam, I'm the dark ruler, not you.

Saddam Hussein: Relax, bitch. You're better seen, not heard.

Kenny: [muffled] Satan, you've got to do something!

Satan: [sadly] I can't.

Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing.

Cartman: [angrily] Hey! Don't call me fat, butt-f***er!

[He shoots pent-up electrical charges out of his fingers, which sends a demon flying into a rock. Cartman suddenly gets an idea and smiles]

Kyle: Yeah, Cartman. Do it!

Cartman: DAMN, SHIT! RESPECT MY F***ING AUTHORITAH!

[Shoots electricity at Saddam Hussein, attacking him]

Saddam Hussein: [getting electrocuted] Aaggh!

Cartman: Yes!

Saddam Hussein: Hey, you need to watch your mouth, brat.

Cartman: DOG-SHIT TACO! [attacks Saddam Hussein more, much to everyone's surprise]

Saddam: [gets electrocuted] AAAHH! [falls back on the snow and bounces.] Quick, Satan, do something!

Cartman: Try this on for size. [inhales deeply] BLOOD-DRENCHED FROZEN TAMPON POPSICLE!

[Attacks Saddam Hussein more]

Saddam Hussein: Hey, buddy! I know I was mean before, but don't worry; I can change!

Satan: [in shock] Oh!

Cartman: Okay. [Saddam Hussein smiles evilly, people gasp in horror] Not! [takes a deep breath] FUCK, SHIT, COCK, ASS, TITTIES, BONER, BITCH, MUFF, PUSSY, CUNT, BUTTHOLE, BARBRA STREISAND!! [shoots electricity at Saddam Hussein, who is flown into a rock and severely electrocuted]

Saddam Hussein: [howls in pain, but amid the howls as Satan is horrified] Relax, guy! [To Satan] What are you waiting for, bitch? Destroy him! [Cartman gets scared] Come on, you weak, stupid cum-bucket! Save me!

Satan: [angrily] THAT'S IT! [Picks up Saddam Hussein] I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!

[He throws Saddam Hussein back into Hell]

Saddam Hussein: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! HEY, GUY! RELAAAAAAAAX!!!! [Saddam Hussein is impaled on a rock, and sighs in agony]

Satan: [sadly] He spent so much time convincing me I was weak and stupid that I...believed it myself. [to Kenny] I have you to thank, little one. You showed me that I had to get away from him. Just make any wish you want, and I shall grant it.

Kenny: [muffled] I want everything to go back to the way it was before.

[The boys gasp.]

Stan: Are you sure, Kenny?

General Plymkin: What did he say?

Stan: He said that his wish is for everything to go back to the way it was before this horrible war.

Chef: Kenny, you'd realize that means you'd go back, too.

Kenny: [muffled] I know, but I learned something today. In the end... [continues speaking in a muffled voice] ...and I knew I had to do it for all the lives in the world.

Satan: Well, very well, then. I will pull all my minions back. I guess I'm destined to live in Hell...alone. [sees Mr. Hat.] Hello. What's this? [picks up Mr. Hat.] Hi, there, little guy. Would you like to go to Hell with me? [as Mr. Hat.] Sure. I bet we could be best friends, Mr. Satan.

Chef: Feel free to come back and visit us anytime you want, Satan.

Satan: I just might do that.

Kyle: Thank you, Kenny.

Stan: Yeah, thanks for going back to Hell for us. You're a real pal.

[Kenny turns around, takes off his hood, and the camera shows his real face.]

Kenny: [unmuffled] Goodbye, you guys. [smiles as he disappears. The boys smile and wave good-bye. Satan pulls all his minions back, and everything goes back to normal.]

Mr. Garrison: I--I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?

Big Gay Al: Wow, we were all dying and now we're fine. That's super!

Terrance: What the f**k’s going on?

[a rainbow appears over South Park.]

Kyle: You see, Mom? After all that, it was Cartman's filthy f***ing mouth that saved us all.

Sheila: [smiling] I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you, Kyle. [kisses Kyle]

[Wendy kisses Stan on the lips; Stan pukes on Wendy, but Wendy smiles]

Stan: But, Wendy, what about Gregory?

Wendy: Oh, Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.

Stan: You didn't?

Wendy: No, dude. F*** Gregory! F*** him right in the ear! [Gregory is angrily offended.]

Stan: [happily] Yay! Thank you, clitoris.

Chef: [singing] ♪ Everything worked out, what a happy end. Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down. ♪

Chorus: ♪ Good Lordy, I'm found. ♪

Boys: ♪ Don't you know our little lives are now complete? ♪

Liane, Sharon, Sheila: ♪ 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet. ♪

Sheila: Super sweet!

Chorus: ♪ Thank God we live in this quiet, little, piss-ant, redneck, Podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mud hole, pecker wood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, out-of-touch, white trash... ♪

Boys: Kick-ass!

Chorus: ♪ Mountain...town! ♪

Kyle: [sees Kenny] Look!

[Kenny flies to heaven for his good deeds. South Park inhabitants wave good-bye to Kenny. Topless angels wait for Kenny, and two nude angels give Kenny a halo and wings.]

---

[last line; in the post-credits scene]

Ike: [sees the mouse in the attic] Guys out there is "hurted." [eats the mouse.]

Taglines

• All Hell Breaks Loose
• Uh oh.
• It's not just another day in the park.
• Uh-Oh, The Critics Love It!

Cast

• Trey Parker — Eric Cartman/Stan Marsh/Mr. Garrison/Mr. Mackey/Randy Marsh/Ned Gerblanski/Army General/Bombadiers/Canadian Ambassador/Theatre Clerk/Phillip/Satan
• Matt Stone — Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick/Saddam Hussein/Gerald Broflovski/Bill Gates/Jimbo Kearn/Terrance
• Mary Kay Bergman — Liane Cartman/Sheila Broflovski/Sharon Marsh/Wendy Testaburger/Clitoris
• Isaac Hayes — Chef (voice)
• Jesse Howell — Ike Broflovski (voice)
• Anthony Cross-Thomas — Ike Broflovski (voice)
• Franchesca Clifford — Ike Broflovski (voice)
• Jennifer Howell — Bebe Stevens (voice)
• George Clooney — Dr. Gouache/Dr. Doctor (voice)
• Brent Spiner — Conan O'Brien (voice)
• Minnie Driver — Brooke Shields (voice)
• Dave Foley — The Baldwin Brothers (voice)
• Eric Idle — Dr. Vosknocker (voice)

External links

• South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut at Rotten Tomatoes