The Loud House (season 5)

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The Loud House (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

Schooled! [5.1-5.2]

Lincoln: OK everybody, up top. [all five high-five] First middle school high five, check. Who's ready to rock day one? [Everyone groans]

Rusty: I know I am. Grew this sweet new 'stache over the summer, so I'm golden.

Zach: OK, A: I'd hardly call that a 'stache. And B: why can't you just admit you're nervous like the rest of us?

Lincoln: Guys, there's nothing to be nervous about. Especially because we'll all be together in Mrs. Salter's class, which Lynn said rules.

Clyde: But Lincoln, we're gonna get eaten alive! We're not big fish anymore.

Lincoln: Everybody calm down, I'm telling you. [blows harmonica and clears his throat.] As long as we're together, we'll be fine.

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Lori: Mom, Dad. I'm not ready to leave home! [hugs her parents, sobbing]

Episode 3

Kernel of Truth [5.3b]

Stella: Mr. B, how does it feel to turn 62?

Mr. Bolhofner (offended): I'm 34!

Episode 5

Cow Pie Kid [5.5a]

Announcer: Now pitching for the Kangaroos is rookie Liam Hunnicut! Word is that captain Lynn Loud recruited him from the farm after seeing him toss some cow pies. Let's see how this kid does with a baseball.

Saved By the Spell [5.5b]

Lincoln: Thanks for buying me a snack, Clyde. You have no idea how much it costs to feed and house a dove.

Clyde: You bet. Just two best friends sharing some dried apples! Nothing unusual at all.

Meryl: Those are some healthy choices, boys!

Zach: Hey, guys! Fancy running into you here.

Lincoln: At school?

Zach: [waves a pocket watch] Behold, this antique pocket watch. Look closely at it and relax your mind.

Lincoln: Zach, why are you showing me an old watch?

Zach: Shh. Just focus on the watch. Let's talk about dancing. It's so cool. You want to dance. You need to dance.

Lincoln: [stops the watch] Nice try, Zach, but I'm sticking with my magic act. [leaves]

Zach: I don't understand why it didn't work.

[The two exit before the camera reveals Zack unknowingly hypnotized Meryl instead; she dances for two uncomfortable students.]

Meryl: I wanna boot-scoot! I need to boot-scoot! Aw, yeah, aw, yeah!

Episode 14

Director's Rut [5.14a]

Luan: Alright everyone. [Along with the beret, Luan is wearing a black shirt and a red skirt] Welcome to our first rehearsal. My play, Don't Sassafras Me: The Life and Times of Joannie Sassafras is about my comedy hero who took a chance to presue her dream. [Gives everyone their scripts] I've written the roles you'll be playing on each of your scripts.

Episode 15

Grub Snub [5.15a]

[Lincoln and his friends are hanging out at Gus' Games and Grub, but before they're about to enjoy their spaghetti pizza, Leni and her friends: Fiona, Miguel, Jackee and Mandee arrive]

Stella: Ooh! Lincoln, isn't that your sister?

Leni: [notices her brother] Hey, Lincoln! It's like, totes packed in here. Mind if we share your booth?

Lincoln: Well, it's already… [Leni and her friends end up squeezing in] Full.

Mandee: [gasps] Is that spaghetti pizza?

Jackee: Yum!

Miguel: I'm starving!

Fiona: Oh, can I have a slice?

Lincoln: Oh. Well, I guess. [the teens devour the whole pizza] So, what are you guys doing here?

Clyde: Yeah, don't you guys usually hang out at the mall?

Jackee: Usually. But Dim Yum is closed.

Miguel: Yeah, but the skee-ball is open! Come on, let's play some games!

[The teens leave the table and go to the arcade]

Zach: [offended] They ate all of our pizza. Now they're playing all of our games?

Liam: Y'all, they're takin' over this place like skeeters on a sugar sucker.

Lincoln: Guys, it's okay. It's only for an afternoon. We can still have fun.

[Miguel lands a high score on skee-ball and his friends celebrate until Rusty, Zach and Stella approach]

Rusty: Mind if I get next? I don't get A's very often.

Fiona: Sorry, dude. Miguel's gonna be here for a while. He's on a roll.

Jackee: Only 10,000 more tickets and he has enough to win the Rip Hardcore Waffle Iron!

Teens: [singing] Waffles!

Clyde: I've been saving up my tickets for years trying to win that! [sulks sadly]

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[Outside of Gus', Lincoln is trying to convince Leni and her friends to stop hanging out]

Leni: I'm really sorry, Lincoln, but Gus' is the only hangout that works for all of my friends.

[Fiona, Miguel, Jackee and Mandee all nod in agreement]

Lincoln: Seriously? There's nowhere else? What about the Burpin' Burger?

Miguel: [offended] How dare you? I'm recently vegetarian.

Lincoln: Okay, what about the Burnt Bean?

Jackee: I don't do hot liquids.

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Lincoln: Leni, we're done with you (and your friends) hanging out here!

Liam: Yeah, now get! Don't make me huck any more ice at y'all.

Leni: The baby rocks was you? Not cool, Lincoln.

Fiona: [now annoyed] Yeah, if you're gonna pull dirty tricks, there's no way we're leaving.

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[Lincoln, Leni and their friends are all outside of Gus', bummed out after their fighting in a contest]

Miguel: You know what the worst part is?

Zach: [pulls a splinter from his keister] All the splinters in my butt?

Miguel: I'm still so hungry! [sobs]

Episode 17

Much Ado About Noshing [5.17a]

(Lynn Sr. marches over to the six customers who he thought left a bad review of his restaurant, since NewNosher123 gave him a thumbs down.)

Lynn Sr: You MONSTERS!

(Everyone gasps. A furious Lynn Sr. has his hands on his hips.)

Lynn Sr: How could you give us ANOTHER thumbs down after what my kids JUST DID FOR YOU?!

(The customers look at each other in confusion.)

Lynn Sr: You think you’re EASY guests with your nit-picking orders and over-the-top demands?! You know what I say? (gives the customers two thumbs down) Thumbs down on ALL OF YOU!!! (blows a raspberry at them)

Episode 18

Lori Days [5.18a]

[Lori pulls her car up in front of the house, and she excitedly runs to the door]

Lori: [Enters the house, feeling excited] l'm back! [Cliff appears, coughing up a hairball] Huh, was kind of hoping for a bigger reaction.

Lynn Jr.: [Runs right past Lori, not even noticing her] Can't catch me, chumps!

[Lana is chasing Lynn Jr with a soccer ball while Lola is riding in Charles]

Lori: Wait! Is this a new game? Somebody explain it to me.

Lincoln: [Runs by and notices Lori] Ooh! Hey, Lori. When did you get here?

Lynn Sr.: [Appears upstairs, having overheard Lincoln] Lori?! Did someone say Lori?! [Runs down to the stairs and trips. He bounces down on his rear and lands with a bellyflop on Cliff's hairball. He gets up and hugs Lori] l can't believe it! My little Lori - Lou! And she's not on a screen! Oh! [Happily hugs her tightly]

Lori: Now, that's the reaction l was looking for. Thanks, Dad.

Rita: What are you doing home, sweetie?

Lori: l just came back to get in a little in - person family time. [Rubs Lincoln's head] So, what are we gonna do today?

[Lincoln and the others cringe. Luan gives out a nervous chuckle]

Lynn Jr.: Uh...

Lori: What? Is this another inside joke that l'm not part of?

Leni: No. We're all totes excited that you're here. It's just that...

Lynn Jr.: Game day.

Lincoln: Video game tournament.

Lucy: Funeral.

Luan: Sorry, Lori, we didn't know you were coming home. All of us already have plans. And we don't wanna be... [whispers to the others] Someone hand me two books. [Someone does so] Double booked!

Lori: [gets a little disappointed] No, no, no. That's totally fine. l can tag along. It'll be like l never left.

Lily: Hello. [Offers a handshake, not recognizing her older sister] l'm Lily. [Lori sighs]

[Lucy is doing a funeral for the Fox Quintuplets goldfish in the bathroom]

Lucy: For the two days he was on this earth, Stewart was a beloved goldfish. He will be missed.

[Pam starts sobbing. Lana, and Pam's brothers hold their heads down as Boris starts playing his keyboard.]

Lori: [Enters and interrupts the funeral] How many funerals have you done this year, Luce? By the way, love the new veil. [The Fox Quintuplets shush her] We'll catch up later. My deepest symapthies. [Leaves]

Lucy: Please, do the honor of the final flush. [The white quint flushes the toilet. Everyone hangs their heads, but the toilet overflows in water] Oh, no. Not again. Somebody quick, hand me the plunger.

[Pam starts crying even harder]

[Lola is getting a relaxful massage at the Royal Woods Hotel and Spa]

Lola: [sighs] Thanks, Edna. Your magic fingers never disappoint. Second grade is so stressful.

Lori: [Appears under Lola's table] What's so stressful about it? Tell me everything.

Edna: Ma'am, no talking in the zen den.

Lori: [Scoots out from under Lola] l'm just trying to spend time with my sister. [Goes back to talking to Lola] Anyway, so what were you saying? [Edna sets off the wind chimes] You know, for a masseuse, she's pretty uptight. [Suddenly, a big security lady grabs Lori and angrily snorts at her. She escorts Lori out. She shakes her fist] You know, this doesn't feel very zen!

[Back in the house, Lori is in the bathroom, talking to her roomate, Marisa, in video chat]

Lori: [Sighs] So far this weekend has been a total bust. I'm back home, but l feel more distant than ever.

Marisa: Well, you know what Coach Niblick says: "When you're in the rough, adjust your swing."

Lori: Look, l'm thrilled you're getting your money's worth out of that Niblick quote a day calendar, but can you tell me what you mean?

Marisa: [Sighs] Why don't you see if your siblings are free tomorrow? Then you cam all hang out together.

Lori: Yes! Great idea! [takes off]

[At Dairyland Amoosement Park, Loud siblings are riding the Fondue Falls]

Lori: Nothing like Dairyland for some guaranteed fun.

[The siblings are crammed into one car]

Lisa: The signage for Fondue Falls clearly states no more than three passengers per cheese log.

Lori: Yeah, but today is about us being together. And those signs are just a suggestion.

[They ride up a very tall hill, and go down the other side really fast, which creates a tsunami of fondue when they land, covering everything and everyone, a park worker and Tippy the cow, who ushers them to leave. Fondue falls off Tippy's arm]

Luan: Ah, l think they want us to asia - go. [Guggles as Lori gives her a glare] Oh, sorry, Lori. I couldn't resist.

[The Loud siblings are having a mud fight when they suddenly notice Lori crying. They walk over to her]

Leni: It's OK, Lori. We'll get Vanzilla out of the mud.

Lori: [Tear - stricken] No. It's not that, Leni. This whole weekend has been a bust. I came home to reconnect with you guys, and nothing went right. You were all off doing your own thing, and then... When we did spend time together, it was a disaster. [Gets up, still feeling upset] l feel like l'm not even a part of this family anymore.

Lynn Jr.: WHAT?! That's nuts!

Lisa: Today was not a disaster. In fact, l would call it a normal Loud Family Sunday.

Luna: Yeah, dude. What's more Loud than getting kicked out of places?

Luan: Or rolling Vanzilla into a pond?

[Lori chuckles and wipes away her tears]

Lincoln: And even though you're not with us every day, you're always gonna be part of a family.

Lucy: [places her hand on Lincoln's shoulder, which startles him] Even in the afterline. [Lincoln chuckles sheepishly]

Lori: [Sighs, feeling better] Thanks, guys, l really needed to hear that.

Leni: Group hug!

Lori: No, no! I'm already dirty enough!

[The siblings give her a hug anyway, but they all fall into the mud. Then they all burst into laughter. Lori throws mud at Leni and they all continue their mud fight]

[at the Loud House, the family is having another dinner. Lori is back on the cellphone screen]

Lynn Sr.: 'Kay, who wants ice cream for dessert? [Looks at the dessert] Oh, l guess it's a little melty. Sorry about the soggy vanilla.

Luan: It's better than the soggy Vanzilla.

[The kids, except Rita and Lynn Sr., laughs]

Rita: [Tries to laugh, but doesn't understand the joke] Wait, wait, wait. I don't get it. What does that mean?

Lori: [On the screen] Sorry, Mom. You just had to be there.

[The whole family starts laughing]

Lynn Sr.: l have no idea why we're laughing! [All continue laughing; cut to the exterior of the Loud House] Seriously, why are we laughing?

In the Mick of Time [5.18b]

[Everyone is shocked when seeing that Mick Swagger is actually Luna is disguise]

Sam: Luna, what is going on?! Have you been performing as Mick all night?!

Luna: [Comes clean] Yeah. I tried to get him to play the dance, but l couldn't.

Principal Rivers: [Gets irritated] Great! Now l'm back to being Principal Puddles.

Sam: Luna, why did you do this?

Luna: [Sighs] l told you guys that Mick and l had this amazing bond, and you all thought it was so cool. But the truth is, l couldn't get Mick to play, because we're not mates. He doesn't even know who l am.

[The door opens]

Mick Swagger: [Offscreen] There's my breadstick girl! [Arrives with his band, Luna gasps] Hello, Luna, love. [The audience is excited of Mick Swagger's appearance] Whoa, we're twinsies. Smashing!

Luna: Mick! You showed up!

Mick Swagger: Of course. I read your greasy letter in the pizza box. Besides, it's not a complete trip to Royal Woods if l don't see Luna Loud. I'm sorry we're late. You didn't write down the address, so we've been to every high school in Tri - Country Area. I hope we can still play the dance.

Principal Rivers: You can, and you will. Selfie! [takes a selfie with the real Mick Swagger, and he gets startled]

Sam: What did l tell you? Best dance ever!

Luna: [dips Sam and goes to her Mick inpression] Thanks, love.

Episode 20

Farm to Unstable [5.20b]

Scoots: What are you punks trying to pull?!

Mee-maw: Mr. Grouse, what happened to you?

Mr. Grouse: [with his face all green with envy] What happened is I ate your rutabagas! [holds up a rotten rutabaga and gags]

Scoots: You call this milk? I call it sludge!

[Cheryl and Meryl are covered in scratches and itchy lumps from wearing their wool-made dresses]

Meryl: You're telling us! We tried on our new dresses made from your "wool" and got the itchies!

Cheryl: We had to cancel our double-date with Errol and Daryl!