The Loud House (season 9)

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The Loud House (2016–present) is an American animated television series created by Chris Savino for Nickelodeon. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.

Episode 1

Crystal Ballin' [9.1a]

Lucy: Hey, Lynn. I have my crystal ball out. Do you wanna see your future?

Lynn: Yeah. Thanks, Luce, but I already know exactly what it's gonna look like. I'm gonna be triple sport pro-athlete, have five championship rings, three deodorant commercials, two Christmas movies, and my own cereal: Crunchy Junk. Yep. I've gotten it figured out.

Lynn: My future is terrible! I'm not really on the team! I'm Crikey's personal sweat wiper!

Lucy: Don't worry. It's possible my crystal ball isn't accurate.

Lola: [carrying a big trophy] That glass ball is 100% accurate, Lucy! I did end up winning the pageant after everyone else got food poisoning. Thanks again for the reading. [walks off to her room, next door]

Lynn: Told you! My future is gonna be messed up for sure! I bet this is all because I missed practice today for that dentist appointment! Who cares about plaque anyway?!

Lucy: Don't panic. This isn't necessarily your future. It's always evolving.

Lynn: Darn straight! I'm gonna make sure it evolves the way I want it to. Time to start practicing.

Lisa: What in the name of cryogenics are you doing?!

Lynn: Icing my own muscles. It's good for the other body. [chuckles nervously and screams]

Lynn: [frantically runs out of her and Lucy's room to Lisa and Lily's room; off-screen] Lilster! Wanna hang?

Rita: [off-screen] Lynn, she's asleep!

[Lily starts crying after Lynn wakes her up]

Lynn: [off-screen] Not for long!

Lucy: Groan…

Lynn: Yes! Still got a family, but no Rusty in sight. Finally, my future is exactly how I wanted!

Lucy: [comforting Lynn] Lynn, your future is always evolving. You can't stress about it like much.

Lynn: Yep. Totally hear you. But just to be safe… [dashes into the kitchen and carries the refrigerator with all of her strength] I'm gonna stay locked in my room until my future starts. [walks upstairs to her room] See you in 10 years!

Lynn Sr.: [sighs] I want our LJ back.

Lucy: I have an idea, but we're all gonna have to eat some meatballs.

Lynn Sr.: [carrying a bowl of meatballs] Hey, LJ! Just having a special night… meatball buffet and a neighborhood football game.

Lynn: But that's like my dream night! The only thing better would be if you were having chocolate cake in a mud run!

The Most Dangerous Gamer [9.1b]

Episode 2

Merry Diss-mass [9.2a]

Lola: Sorry your "boyfriend" from Switzerland hasn't arrived yet.

Lynn: Henrik is not my boyfriend, Lola. We're still getting to know each other. And since he and his parents are touring the states, we thought it'd be fun to hang out. He should be here by now!

Rita: And… uploaded! [gasps] Mrs. Fox posted a picture of her newest decorations! [shaking her phone, violently] WHERE DID SHE GET ANIMATRONIC GINGERBREAD MEN?! [groans with her face turning red of rage] Okay, girls. Help Mommy tear all this down and start over! I will not lose to that woman again!

Just Snow with It [9.2b]

Episode 3

Meet the Purrents [9.3a]

Bobby: [catches Lori trying to hide under his bed as he enters his room] Lori?

Lori: [hesitantly] Surprise! Happy Cat-parent-iversary! [chuckles awkwardly]

Bobby: But it hasn't been a month yet, unless we're celebrating by week. [notices something] Wait a minute. Bland cat salad, boring toys, itchy homemade PJ's? [gasps in outrage shock] You're not here for our early cat-parent-iversary. You're sneaking around my back, taking care of Pepurroni! How could you?!

Hector: [calling off-screen] Bobby, Lola called to say your $100 check bounced, so she's done doing your dirty gato work.

Lori: [also gasps in outrage shock] You were doing the same thing!

Carl: [also calling off-screen] Bobby paid her an hundy? Lori only paid me 80 lousy bucks.

Bobby: [long gasp in complete shock] You had Carl helping you too?!

Lori: Oh, quit gasping. Pepurroni needed one responsible parent.

Bobby: Yeah? Well, I had to make sure he wasn't bored to tears.

Lori: Bored?! I took him to cat yoga!

Bobby: Yeah, not exactly a kitty's favorite past time.

Lori: Oh, yeah?! Then why was he purring his head off?!

Bobby: Was he purring, or was he groaning?

Apartment Complex [9.3b]

Lynn: What the heck are you guys doing here?!

Leni: I heard what Lori said last night about the recessed lighting, and knew I had to record my totes important makeup tutorial here. But then, I heard someone coming!

Lana: And I heard Lori say how big the sink was and thought I could save some time and give all the pets a bath at once. [bathes Charles, Cliff, Walt, Geo and El Diablo at the same time] Then I heard someone coming!

Lynn: Well, I'm here 'cause Lori said she had a zillion cable channels, and there's a super important game today.

Leni: I can't believe the three of us all had the same idea!

Lola: [falling from the ceiling and lands on the ground; weakly] Four of us. [gets up] I have the Little Miss Common Relax Pageant today, and I'm anything but! I heard Lori mention the incredible water pressure in her shower and thought it would help me relax. Then, I heard someone coming!

Lynn: Okay. Now it all makes sense.

Lana: So what do we need do now?

Leni: Respect Lori's privacy and leave?

Lynn: Oh, well, let's not be hasty. I mean, we all have a special reason to be here today, so we might as well stay. But just for today. And then we'll never disrespect Lori's privacy again.

Leni: Deal.

Lana: Agreed.

Lola: One and done.

Lynn: No! I can't miss the puking… I mean, hot dog eating contest today!

Lori: Hey, Mr. Grouse.

Mr. Grouse: [angrily waving a handful of bills] What in tarnation is going on in here, Loud?! I just got the water bill, the electric bill, and the cable bill for this apartment, and they're higher than my blood pressure! And with your family next door, that's really high!

Lori: [looks over the bills; shocked] What?! How could they be so bad?! I'm literally never here! I don't know how this happened! I also… don't have the money to pay them.

Mr. Grouse: [swipes the bills out of her hands] Fine. I'll pay them, but I gotta tell ya, I had no idea you were gonna be such an expensive tenant. [groans] You know what? I think it might be better if you find somewhere else to live.

Lori: [guilty] I totally understand, Mr. Grouse. I'll start looking for a new place right away. I'm really sorry.

[Leni, Lynn and the twins exit the bathroom, all disgraced when they heard everything and realized what they've done]

Lynn: You don't have anything to be sorry for, Lori.

Leni: Yeah, this is our fault. We're responsible for the high bills.

Lola: We've been using your apartment when you weren't here.

Lori: [snapping furiously with her face in red of rage] (YOU) WHAT?!

Lana: We knew we were respecting your privacy, but we didn't realize we were ruining your life.

Lynn: To show you how sorry we are, we'll find a way to earn enough money to pay your bills.

Episode 4

Pet Project [9.4a]

[Rita and the twins are checking out groceries at the Super Mart]

Rita: I don't remember needing walnuts… or sardines. Lola. Lana.

Lola: We might've added a few items.

Cashier: [giving Rita a handful of raffle tickets] Congratulations, you've earned 749 promotional raffle tickets.

Rita: So that's what this was about. [glares at the twins; annoyed] I'll deal with you two later. [back to the cashier] Can I return the nuts?

Cashier: Please don't make me do that.

Rita: [enters the twins' room] How's the packing going? [notices Lana is wanting to bring her pets along; takes Bitey out of her bag] Lana, remember, the hotel isn't pet-friendly. You have to leave them home, sweetie.

Lana: Huh? [hesitantly] Oh, uh, right. I totally knew that and this isn't a surprise in any way. Just gotta figure out who I can trust one of my precious, precious… [sniffles] babies while I'm gone.

Rita: And, when did we get a scorpion?

Lana: Oh, that's King Tut. I found him living in one of Dad's shoes.

Lana: Thanks for going on a practice walk, Leni. This is one of the hardest parts. All my pets have walked at the same time, or they get jealous and they have to pee on the carpet.

Leni: Okay, got it. I didn't know you could walk a frog or a scorpion.

Lana: How else are they gonna get in their cardio? The only tricky part is if anyone sees… [suddenly hears the jingle of an ice cream truck] AN ICE CREAM TRUCK!

[Rita and the twins arrive at the Grand Coyote Canyon hotel and check in their Room 247]

Rita: Girls, since they have so many lifeguards here to watch you, I hope it's okay if I hit the spa.

Lola: Of course. You do you. [shoves her out of the room] Bye! Pool time! [rips off her dress, revealing her swimsuit, and leaves]

Lana: I'll be right behind you! I just gotta find my goggles. [opens a suitcase, revealing her pets all crammed in] You guys okay? Sorry it took so long. [takes them out of the suitcase and hides them in a desk drawer] These are your new digs for a while. I'll be back in a bit to check on you. No fighting.

Lana: [about to brush Bitey's teeth after brushing Geo's] Bitey, we need to brush. Nobody likes a rat with bad breath.

[Bitey sighs reluctantly and lets her brush his teeth]

Mr. Finkle: [dropping Lola off at the office with Lana already there after catching her for secretly bringing her pets] Wait here while I find your mother. [leaves]

Lola: [turns to her twin; angrily] What were you thinking?! You knew you weren't allowed to bring your pets!

Lana: [sighs sadly] I know. I was just worried no one would take care of them the way I do, but maybe I need to let go a little.

Lola: Or a lot.

Lana: I'm sorry for blowing our trip. Can you ever forgive me?

Cuff Break [9.4b]

Mr. Grouse: [opens the letter and reads it] "Lincoln, sorry I missed you. I'm leaving for my timeshare in Tampa. Be back in a month. Signed, the Amazing Brailster." [alarmed] WHAT?! A whole ding-dang month?! [tosses it away] Lincoln! W-we gotta get to the airport, now!

Lincoln: [puzzled] What? Why?

Mr. Grouse: [grabs him] No time to explain! [runs off, carrying him]

Mr. Grouse: [shocked] You?! But I saw your plane take off!

Amazing Brailster: Maybe that was just an illusion! [gets dejected] Or maybe they wouldn't let me fly with sixteen doves. [snaps his fingers, and his suitcases appear beside him, along with his doves; teleports to the handcuffs, observing them] So this is your magic snafu? [Lincoln nods shamefully] Well, at least it's not a quarter situation again. [pulls a cloth out from his sleeve, and covers the handcuffs with it] Listen to me, the Amazing Brailster. This magic wand will not failster! [waves his magic wand, and the word "Presto" appears against a cloud of smoke; removes the cloth, the handcuffs have been removed from Lincoln and Mr. Grouse's wrists]

Lincoln: [awestruck] Whoa!

Mr. Grouse: [amazed] Wow, how'd you do that?

Amazing Brailster: [holds up the handcuffs] Release button on the side. [zoom in on a button on the handcuffs] It's in the magicians' manual.

Mr. Grouse: Well, I guess I'd better get going. And, sorry again, Lincoln. [walks off, as Lincoln feels sorry for him]

Lincoln: Doo-Wop, wait! You know, I was about to head back and hang out with my friends, if you wanted to join us.

Mr. Grouse: Really? You mean it?

Lincoln: Yeah! Super flush, free snacks, a choreographed doo-wop song? You're a fun guy!

Mr. Grouse: Aww, thanks, Lincoln! [reaches into his pocket] I do have a couple of quarters burning a hole in my pocket. Eh, let's go to Gus' and grab us some root beer floats!

Lincoln: Or I could show you my famous vanishing quarter trick. [Mr. Grouse glares at Lincoln, knowing where that go] Root beer floats it is.

[Mr. Grouse chuckles, and they head off, snapping their fingers]

Episode 5

Prom-Com [9.5a]

[Royal Woods High School; Leni and her friends are in a classroom with a sign reading: "Prom planning 2Day!" on the door]

Leni: [excitedly] Good morning, my fellow committee members, and welcome to the offish kick-off of prom season! [presses a button on remote, and a poster rolls down advertising the prom saying "A Night to Remember"]

[A cannon shoots out confetti, and the other members of the committee get excited; Parker is catching some confetti, and eats it]

Jackee: Parker! What did we say about eating confetti?

Parker: [shamefully] I know. It stays in your system for seven years.

Leni: I am the honored to be elected this year's prom committee captain and super excited to work with you all! We have so much to do, but remember, this should be fun. So let's do a "Go, Acorns" on three. [extends her hand; then Mandee, Jackee and Ellie stack their hands on hers]

Leni, Jackee, Mandee & Ellie: One, two, three! Go, Acorns!

Jackee: [catches Parker eating confetti again; sharply annoyed] Parker!

Parker: Sorry. Didn't have time for breakfast this morning. [swallows]

[Later… Leni is at her locker when two students come up]

Punk Girl: Leni! We're so happy that you're our prom captain! I just know it's going the be the best night!

Student: Oh, yeah! I've been looking forward to prom forever! I picked out my tux when I was five. [reveals a tiny green tuxedo] The jacket's a little snug, but it's still a vibe!

Punk Girl: We're gonna make memories that will last a lifetime!

[They run off cheering]

Leni: [giggles and waves] Thanks for your support! [She closes her locker only to see Mrs. Bernardo] Aaaaaaah!!! [Falls down]

Parker: [enters the gymnasium, carrying a platter] Leni! The prom apps we ordered from Gus's came in! [opens the lid] It's a buttload of the finest meats in Royal Woods!

[The "L", "D", "S", and "H" for the school's name are missing]

Leni: "Roya Woo Igh?" Where are the rest of the letters?

Parker: [revealed to be eating a sausage from the tray, due to skipping breakfast, and quickly hides it behind his back; innocently] Uhh… I dunno.

Leni: Mm-hmm… [puts a question mark next to the Food section on her checklist; runs over to Jackee] Girlies, gimme the decoration deets.

Jackee: We found a bunch of stuff from last year's prom in the janitor's closet. A banner, streamers, plastic flower centerpieces, and a tub of glitter! [Ellie sneezes off-screen and she and Leni look at her, sparkling from the glitter while hanging the banner] Ellie fell in it.

Leni: [nervously] Oh, heh, plastic flowers and glitter. [chuckles] Cool. [puts a question mark next to the Decorations section on the list as well]

Leni: Great work, Prom-Com! Everything looks amaze! We're gonna give our classmates a night to remember!

[Floating green heads of three high schoolers, Lori and Rita appear and disappear around Leni as she is having trouble sleeping throughout the night]

Punk Girl: This prom is so not memorable!

Student: The only thing I'll ever remember about this school is the plumbing!

Female Student: I didn't meet my first husband!

Lori: I can't believe my sister ruined everyone's prom!

Rita: As a parent, I've never been so disappointed.

Leni: [waking up with a scream; to Tanya, laying beside her] Tanya, wake up! I gotta get back to school and make prom better, even if it takes all night! Let's get to work!

Mandee: O-M-Gosh, Leni, look at all this!

Jackee: What did you do?

Leni: I'm sorry. You all did everything that I asked, but I need this night to be the most memorable, perfect night for everyone! Ugh!

Jackee: No, Leni. This is magical!

Mandee: Amazing job!

Parker: [points to a mini pond with three swans] Are those swans?!

Ellie: O-M-Gosh, I LOVE SWANS!

Leni: [seeing everything she planned end up in a disaster while covered in sparkling cider and raspberry gelato] I RUINED PROM! [screams and runs out of the gymnasium, bawling her eyes out]

[Outside the school, Principal Rivers finds her sitting on the stairs while she grieves]

Principal Rivers: Oh, Leni, try not to take this too hard.

Leni: This was supposed to be the best night of everyone's high school life, and I ruined it! You said it yourself. All your former students ever talk about is how amazing prom was!

Prinicpal Rivers: Sure, but that has nothing to do with the food, or music.

Leni: [sniffs] It doesn't?

Principal Rivers: Nope. It's because prom is one of the last times you get to be together with all your classmates, and just have fun. That's what's memorable about it.

Leni: [looks at her photos that was taken in the photo booth earlier] You're right! Thanks, Principal Rivers! Air hugsies!

Scene Steeler [9.5b]

Lincoln: Welcome to the writers room. Clyde and I are working on the script for our next David Steele fan film, and I tell ya, there's tons of pressure to make this our best one ever.

Episode 6

Rough Patch [9.6a]

[Lola and Bernie arrive at the Royal Woods Mall and Lola parks her vehicle in the entrance]

Lola: We're here!

Bernie: Uh… you sure you're allowed to park here?

Lola: Oh, honey, as a platinum shopper, I can park wherever I want. Now, let's hit the stores!

The GLOAT [9.6b]

[Lincoln is playing a game of Settlers of Cat-Land outside in driveway with his five younger sisters while waiting for their cousin Shiloh to arrive]

Lincoln: I'm so excited Shiloh's hanging out with us today! I hope he gets here soon.

[Uncle Lance's car soon pulls up]

Lola: Soon enough for you?

Shiloh: [hops out of the car and skates towards his cousins; happily] Hey, guys!

Lincoln: Hey, Shiloh!

Lana: Nice slide!

Lucy: Glad to see you, cousin.

Shiloh: Thanks for letting me hang here today. I didn't want to go to my mom's hot yoga class. It smells funny.

[Lana lifts up her left arm, smelling her stinky armpit and sighs]

Lola: [annoyed] Well, doesn't smell much better here, [gladly] but we're happy to have you.

Lynn: [walks into the driveway; infuriated about Shiloh] No one… [throws a trash can aside] is the GLOAT… [throws another one] around here, except ME! [sees a man walking his dog, having to have seen her tantrum, then screams angrily at him, causing him to run away in fear, carrying his dog; groans] I will not be bested by a 6-year-old! This isn't over!

Lynn: [approaching Lucy and the twins, desperately seeking their help] Guys, I think I broke Shiloh!

Lucy: Embody or spirit?

Lynn: Both! He thinks he's a big loser now because of me! I got so caught up in beating him that… I forgot he's just like…a little kid. He looked up to me. Ugh! Why did I have to be such a jerk (to him)?! [determined] I've gotta fix this before Aunt Sharon comes to pick him up!

Episode 7

Kanga-ruse [9.7a]

[The Actions News Team enter the cafeteria kitchen and find Chef Pat's deep freezer being vandalized]

Lincoln: Chef Pat, what can you tell us, and I don't mean the lunch specials.

Chef Pat: Some heartless monster busted in here and ate all of my… I mean, the school's ice cream! Michigan Cherry, the best flavor! Sorry. I need a minute. [runs away, sobbing]

Lincoln: I scream, you scream, we all scream for justice.

[The Action News Team rush to the teachers' lounge and find it completely wrecked where Principal Ramirez is]

Stella: This is not looking good for Crikey.

Principal Ramirez: Yes, Miss Zhau, especially since there is poo in the corner! [gags in disgust, then calls for Meryl] Meryl, bring a shovel and a bag!

Meryl: This is not in my job description, ma'am.

Liam: [enters Crikey's room where he's packing up all his stuff; mournfully] Hey, Crike. [sniffles] I just wanted to say bye. [Crikey gives him a sad hug; hugs and sobs]

[The Action News Team and Crikey have captured the fake Crikey and Liam takes off the mask, revealing to be…]

Action News Team: [shocked gasp] Mr. Budden?!

Lincoln: You're the one who trashed the school and framed Crikey?!

Clyde: Why would you do that?!

Mr. Budden: [un-zipping the kangaroo costume] It was the only way to get your beloved Crikey out of here! He's overshadowed my pep band from day one! We never perform in our own anymore! We're always backup for Crikey. I didn't go to an expensive music school to be less pop songs for a kangaroo! And his treatment around here is frankly ridiculous. Donuts every morning, a key to the teachers' lounge. Oh, give me a break!

Rusty: [video-calling Principal Ramirez on his phone] Did you get all that, Principal Ramirez?

Principal Ramirez: [in her bathrobe and her hair wrapped in a towel] Yes, I did. [firmly] Mr. Budden, you and I are gonna have a little talk tomorrow. [to Rusty; annoyed] And Mr. Spokes, I don't know how you had this number, but lose it. [hangs up]

Mr. Budden: [ashamed] Well, Trevor Bernard Budden, you've done it again. I guess I deserve whatever's coming to me. [walks over to Crikey] Crikey, I'm really sorry about everything.

The Walking Bed [9.7b]

Lincoln: [looking through binoculars from his bedroom window, watching Lori waiting outside her apartment for her new mattress to arrive] 9:00 A.M. No sign of delivery, just Lori trying to get gum off her shoe. Yeesh. [to the viewers] I know what this looks like, but I'm not spying on Lori. She ordered a new mattress that's being delivered today, and I'm gonna claim her old one. It's still in great shape! Meanwhile, my mattress has sustained some damage. [zoom out to reveal he's standing on his wrecked mattress] Oh, don't worry, it's just cherry Flippee spillage… [gets a coil caught in his head] And there are coil issues. [shakes his head to get the coil off and hears a truck horn outside] The mattress is here! [walks outside to Lori's apartment as she pushes her new mattress inside] Hey, Lori! Let me help you.

Lori: Nice try, Lincoln. I already gave my old mattress to Leni.

Lincoln: What?! Why Leni?!

Lori: Because she's next in line. It's literally a family rule. Did you forget about the L.L.S.? "Loud Line of Succession?"

Lincoln: Of course not. [cut to him in front of the bookshelf, only to be proven wrong that he did forgot; to the viewers] I definitely forgot about the Loud Line of Succession. [uses Lynn's hockey stick to get the Book of Loud Stuff down from the top shelf] It's right here in the Book of Loud Stuff. Mom and Dad put this together years ago to help solve disputes over our…stuff. Ah, here it is: The L.L.S. [reading] "A handed down item will always go to the next oldest sibling. If that sibling passes on the item, it moves to the next oldest." Wait, that's how I can get the mattress! I just need Leni, Luna, Luan and Lynn to pass on it. Easy-peasy. [closes the book and gets covered in dust]

Lincoln: This will keep Lynn busy for hours. [starts a 24-hour timer on his phone and puts it in his pocket as he runs off]

Lynn: Huh? 80% pork, 20% beef. Crispy yet pillowy roll. That's a meatball sub, baby! Oh, yeah! [opens her door and eats the meatball sub]

Lynn: Oh, too many meatball subs. [burps and sighs] Much better. Now, let's see. Where was I? [runs into her room and takes out her old mattress] So long, Sir Sagsalot! And hello realigned back. [walks back into her room, whistling]

Luan: What's with the racket? Mr. Coconuts is on a call with his agent!

Mr. Coconuts: I told you, Marty, I won't work with sock puppets!

Lincoln: If I can explain-

Lynn: [slamming Lincoln's head down to the floor] Stinkoln thinks Lori's mattress is now his because of an amendment in that dumb rule book!

Luna: There are amendments?

Lola: I had no idea!

Luan: Hmm. Well, this is for sure Dad's handwriting. Sorry, Lynn. If you never took possession of the mattress, then, it belongs to Lincoln.

Lucy: [reading an amendment while taking possession of Lincoln's lamp] "Any hand-me-down not being properly cared for can be claimed by the next sibling in the Line of Succession." This light is covered in dust. [blows the dust off the lamp, which then covers her brother all over]

Lincoln: [hears Lola screaming, runs into the bathroom and finds her and her twin playing tug-of-war over Rita's old bathrobe; takes the robe out of their hands] What the heck is going on in here?!

Lana: Lola is trying to steal Mom's old robe from me!

Lola: It never should have been yours to begin with! You know French terry is my favorite fabric!

Lana: Well, I'm two minutes older than you, so I was next in line!

Lola: [sticks a yellow sticky note on her twin's nose] That's a "Use It or Lose It" amendment I found. And since you don't even bathe, it gives me the right to TAKE THAT ROBE!

Lana: [takes the note off her nose and throws it on the floor] I don't care about your stupid rules! I'm keeping it!

[Lincoln then hears Luna and Luan fighting in their room]

Luna: [as Luan runs out of their room, carrying a leather jacket; angrily] That's my leather jacket, dude! Leni passed it down to me! [chases after her]

Luan: Yeah, but this amendment says that disrespecting an item is grounds for forfeiture!

Lincoln: [gets an idea and dashes into his room] I have an announcement! [his sisters all stop fighting] I've decided… [drags out Lori's old mattress] to let Lynn have this mattress.

Sisters: Huh? What?!

[Lynn smiles wisely, knowing her brother is doing the right thing]

Lincoln: Look. I know I've started all of this, but I think everyone should get their things back. The Book of Loud Stuff was created to keep the peace in this house, but now we're just using it to take advantage of each other. I propose one last amendment. [takes out a pen and writes down a new amendment on a yellow sticky note] "The well-being of the family always comes first."

Lori: You're right, Lincoln.

Lola: Agreed.

Lynn: Absolutely.

Episode 8

Ship Wreckers [9.8a]

Lisa: What in the name of Jacques Cousteau is happening in here?!

Leni: We're giving the room a boat-chic makeover! It's for our viewing party we're hosting tomorrow.

Luna: [takes off her scuba helmet] We're gonna watch The Dream Boat season finale with Sam and Gavin.

Leni: Rumor has it, there's going to be a tidal wave of emotion!

Luna: And an actual tidal wave of water!

Lisa: [confused] Wouldn't it be simpler to just host your nautical soirée on an actual sea vessel?

Luna: [sarcastically] Yeah, Lis, lemme call all the people we know who own a boat. [pretends to take out her phone] Ah, boop-boop-boop-boop-boop. [into her imaginary phone] Hi, nobody? Do you have a boat we can use? No? Cool. Thanks anyway. [pretends to hang up] Click.

Lisa: [groans; annoyed] You can't think of anyone, ladies? Because the answer is staring you in the face.

[Leni and Luna glance to a picture of Cliff in the bathtub, looking wet and annoyed]

Leni: But how does Cliff drive his boat with those teeny-tiny paws?

Luna: [realizes what Lisa meant] Dude! [pan to the photo of Leonard and his boat] Gramps has his own ship! How did we blank on that?

Leni: And nothing says boat-y like a boat! Let's call him and ask!

Writer's Retreat [9.8b]

Episode 9

Hamalot [9.9a]

[Morning at the Loud House in Petoskey Falls; Lance is eating a stack pancakes and Sharon drinks her coffee, while Shelby, in a light-pink cloak, rushes under the table, scurries into the doorway behind her mother and runs into the kitchen, then opens a drawer of kitchen supplies and pulls out a colander]

Sharon: Morning, Shelby.

Shelby: You can see me? Huh, this invisibility cape isn't working. Well, don't mind me. I'm just borrowing stuff for my Orcs, Horks, Wizards, and Pork campaign later. This colander would make a great helmet! [runs off into the next room]

Sharon: [takes out her phone as it buzzes while Lance drinks his coffee; shocked with horror] Oh, no. One of my students is having a yoga-mergency!

Lance: [glances at the phone and spits out his coffee; horrified] Yeesh! I didn't know the human body could bend that way.

Sharon: Oh, it can't. I better go help her. Ugh, but I'm supposed to drive Shelby to Royal Woods for that "Orc, Bork, Pork" thing.

Lance: I can drive the Shelbster. It'll give me a chance to get some much-needed daddy-daughter reps in. I feel like we're not connecting, you know, like we used to. [gazes at the photo of his younger self holding up a younger Shelby on the refrigerator] It used to be so much easier when she was little.

Sharon: Ohhh, don't worry, baby. I'm sure that after today, you two will be closer than my head and my feet in hedgehog pose! [curls up like a hedgehog and rolls off-screen]

[Lance and Shelby arrive at Tall Timbers Park in Royal Woods for the Orcs, Horks, Wizards, and Pork, and find Lynn Sr. and Lincoln there, too]

Lynn Sr.: Be that my brother and niece?

Shelby: Lincoln! Uncle Lynn! [runs over to her cousin and uncle, all hugging happily]

Lincoln: Hey, Shelbs!

Lance: Sweet bathrobe, little bro.

Lynn Sr.: Nae, good sir. 'Tis a magic cloak, for I am Hamdalf the Wise. And this is my apprentice, Spare Rib. Ahh, I see you're traveling with the Pork Ranger!

Shelby: Verily! I be a half-orc archer whose prosciutto arrows have slain many a foe! Now to come up with your character, Dad.

Lincoln: [runs over to his father along with Shelby when he comes out of a bush, dazed and groaning] Hamdalf! What happened?

Lynn Sr.: [ashamed] Forgive me, companions. Dumbleboar didn't send me on a quest to faraway lands to seek the gem, yet I have failed.

Shelby: [confused] "Faraway lands"?

Lynn Sr.: Verily. I had to cross I-75!

Shelby: [turns to her father; shocked] Were you trying to get rid of Uncle Lynn?

Lance: [nonchalantly] It was just a misunderstanding.

Grant: [off-screen] You, sir, are a cheater! [comes out of another bush, his hands and feet are tied up with sausages and his wizard costume is gone] This monster broke out of the stocks and tied me up in sausage!

[Lynn Sr. gasp in shock]

Shelby: [hurt] That's not true, Dad. Is it?

Lance: [as Kotaro and Harold glare at him; hesitantly] No, it's n-- [stammers] I don't know. I di-I didn't...

Shelby: [fuming angrily at him for sabotaging the game and deceiving her] Thanks for ruining the game! [runs away]

Lance: Shelby! Wait! [sighs in disappointment to himself as everyone else walks away and comes up to his brother] Well, you win. Shelby officially likes you better.

Lynn Sr.: [confused] What are you talking about?

Lance: I came here to connect with Shelby, but instead, she ends up connecting with you. Thanks, Hambone.

Lynn Sr.: Okay, it's "Hamdalf," and I'm not your problem. You are.

Lance: And what is that supposed to mean?

Lynn Sr.: You haven't been listening to Shelby all day. You've just been doing what you want. This game might seem silly and ridiculous to you, but it's important to her.

Lance: [touched by the wise words] Huh. Wow, you are so right. You really are Hamdalf the Wise. I know what I have to do.

Garbage Dumped [9.9b]

Episode 10

Gags to Riches [9.10a]

[Luan starts to walk to Mr. Grouse's house to tell him about that the lottery ticket she gave him was just a fake]

Rita: [holding a laundry basket; stopping her] Stop! Luan, I need your laundry.

Luan: Okay. Right after I finish this thing.

Rita: No. Right now. I need to do a load of colors before I go to work. [as Luan holds up her finger, about to speak] Please don't make a pun, just get your laundry.

Luan: [quickly runs upstairs to her room; off-screen] Incoming! [tosses her laundry onto her mother]

Rita: [annoyed] Thanks.

Katherine: You've pranked us all, Luan, and it was high time for us to get you back.

Sole Searching [9.10b]

Lynn: If Fern even gets a whiff of me, it’s game over and I'll never get those shoes! We need to call an audible.

Leni: Lynn, years of customer service has taught me how to handle these kinds of people.

Episode 11

Hologram Jam [9.11a]

[Lincoln enters Lisa and Lily's room when he heard an explosion and saw that Lisa created a holographic version of herself]

Lincoln: Lisa?! Why is there another Lisa, Lisa?!

Lisa: Salutations, lone male sibling. I see you've met my holographic doppelgänger.

Lincoln: [sticks his hand through the hologram] Whoa. This is incredible!

Lisa: Aw, thank you. Mother suspended my experiments after I may have singed off Lily's hair with hydrogen dioxide. [Lily appears with her hair burned off, grumbles angrily at her, and walks away] Thus, I hid my lab in the closet, invented Holo-Lisa, and ol' Rita is none the wiser!

Rita: [calling from downstairs] Lincoln! You're not playing video games, are you? [comes upstairs and sees the Holo-Lincoln vacuuming the mess outside his room]

Holo-Lincoln: Just cleaning up!

Rita: Wow! I gotta say, I'm a little surprised. I thought for sure you would try some elaborate scheme to get out of cleaning your room. Okay! Well, I'm off to the paper.

Holo-Lincoln: Just cleaning up!

Rita: Yes, I got that. [walks away, suspiciously]

Lincoln: [pops out of the mess] Looks like this weekend just got a whole lot Button Mashier!

Lynn Sr.: [peeks out from the kitchen and sees the other Holo-Lincoln studying on the table; surprised] I gotta say, I thought for sure you'd try some elaborate scheme to get out of studying.

Holo-Lincoln #2: Just studying! You know me!

Lynn Sr.: [tearing up] I guess you're… [sniffles] growing up! I know. I'm sorry. "Not cool, Dad!" [chuckles] Well, I'm off to the restaurant. Keep up the good work!

[Lincoln is in the kitchen, looking for something in the fridge and Luan and Mr. Coconuts appear, startling him]

Luan: Oh! Hey, Lincoln! I came in to remind you that my comedy show is starting in the living room! [leaves as her brother smiles nervously]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] I'm all for supporting my family, but Luan's comedy shows can be a lot. Especially if Mr. C decides to roast me again.

[Flashback to the last comedy show]

Mr. Coconuts: Well, if it isn't the man with the plan! I assume you planned on keeping that booger in your nose?

[Lincoln covers his nose with a booger sticking out and sinks in embarrassment as his other sisters laugh at him; End of flashback]

Lincoln: [wipes his nose with his finger] Time to shine, Holo-Lincoln.

Clyde: Lincoln? Why is there another Lincoln, Lincoln?

Lincoln: [sighs] It's a long story.

Clyde: Let me guess… You didn't want to clean, study, or watch Luan's comedy show, so you came up with an elaborate scheme that involved Lisa's holograms?

Lincoln: And this is why you're my best friend. [his phone buzzes, getting a text from his father] Uh-oh. My dad just asked if I want anything from the kitchen.

Clyde: Oh, that's nice. And honestly, I'm a little peckish myself.

Lincoln: No! This is bad! My dad's at the restaurant, which means a Holo-Lincoln must be there too! We have to get to Lynn's Table before he figures out what's going on!

Lincoln: [exits his room and sees several Holo-Lincolns all around the house when he heard Lola screaming; worriedly] Uh… This is bad.

Lola: [screams as the holograms invade her and Lana's room] LINCOLN! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Lana: AHH! IT'S A LINCOLN-POCALYPSE!

Lincoln: [kicking the door open; determined] Don't worry. I'm gonna make these holograms holo-gone!

[Lincoln sees his sisters (minus Leni, Lucy, and Lisa) glaring annoyingly at him and demanding to know what's going on after he turns off all the holograms]

Lincoln: [chuckles nervously as he takes a few steps back to the front door, where his parents are standing right behind him] You're probably wondering what's going on.

Rita: Yes, we are.

[Lincoln turns around, seeing them looking very stern, and Lynn Sr. points to the Holo-Lincoln vacuuming outside the window]

Holo-Lincoln: Just cleaning up!

[Lincoln turns off the hologram with his phone]

Lynn Sr.: [sternly] Well?

Lincoln: [sighs with guilt] Okay. The truth is… I didn't want to clean or study. So, I tried to get out of it by making holograms… [looks at Lisa peering behind the desk table and points to the waiver on the contract, reminding him not to tell where he got the holograms] With some help from a David Steele comic.

Rita & Lynn Sr.: [simultaneously irked] Elaborate scheme! Called it! [cheerfully] Jinx!

Lincoln: I'm sorry, but I sure learned my lesson. We can probably just let this one go, right?

Rita & Lynn Sr.: [simultaneously; still annoyed] No. [cheerfully] Jinx again!

[Moments later… Lincoln has finished cleaning his room by tossing a crushed Flippee cup into his trash can, fully stacked with all the garbage, completing all of his tasks the right way]

Lincoln: Okay, studying is done, room is all clean, now all that's left is Luan's comedy show. [leaves his room and enters the living room, hopping on the chair]

Mr. Coconuts: Oh, there he is! The hologram with the plan himself! It is you, right?

[Lincoln laughs as Luan touches his face]

Holo-Lisa: Very humorous, Luan!

Lincoln: [whispering] Don't worry. I didn't tell them anything about our little--

Holo-Lisa: Very humorous, Luan!

[Lincoln sticks his hand through the hologram and gasps, then turns around and sees the real Lisa on the stairs, and she shushes mischievously at him]

Sick as a Dad [9.11b]

[Morning at the Loud House… A rooster cock-a-doodle-doos and falls off the roof when Lynn Sr. suddenly starts sneezing loudly while coming down with a cold, and the siblings bolt out of the house]

Lori: I heard Dad sneeze! Get inside! [quickly closes the door as her siblings dash inside her apartment]

Lola: Ugh. Dad is the worst when he gets a cold. He turns into such a baby. [to Lily] No offense, Lily.

Lily: [shrugs; not caring] Mmm.

Lori: Okay, guys, don't panic. We can all stay here until Dad is well again. [grabs her bag] I'll run to the grocery store and get supplies, so we can hunker down. [opens the door, ends up bumping into Rita as she appears and falls on the floor]

Rita: There you all are. Listen, your dad is a bit under the weather, and I have to get to work. I need you (all) to take care of him till I get home. [the siblings all groan in dismay] I know he can be a little… dramatic when he's sick. [cringes as her husband sneezes loudly]

Lynn Sr.: [off-screen; weakly] I can't feel my face.

Rita: All you have to do is make sure he hydrates and rests.

Lucy: Fine.

Lori: Sure, Mom.

Rita: Thanks, kids. I appreciate it. [leaves]

Lori: We can do this, guys. As long as we work together… [catches Lola trying to bail by sneaking out the window] Uh, Lola, no sneaking out the window.

[Lola closes the window and grumbles in annoyance; The siblings enter the master bedroom where their father is lying in bed with a red stuffy nose, an ice pack on his head, and a stack of used tissues in a trash can sitting next to him]

Lynn Sr.: [sniffles the mucus in his nose and groans] Who's there? Are those my children?

Luna: It's okay, Pops. You've just got a cold.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, thank you kids for trying to give me hope. I know how bad it is. [sadly writes a will]

Lisa: [takes the book out his hands] Oh, for the Oath of Hippocrates. [takes out a thermometer] Father, I am going to prove you're overreacting. Open up. [Lynn Sr. groans as she sticks the thermometer in his mouth, then checks her watch] See? 98.7 degrees. You're fine.

Lynn Sr.: [gasps in shock] Fine?! Normal is 98.6! I'm burning up! Can someone make me some toast and tea, please?

Siblings: I'll do it!

Luna: [fed up] Dad wants me to serenade him for two hours in a major key, because minor keys remind him of his "suffering."

Lincoln: [also fed up] He asked if I could read him the latest David Steele comic, but skip the suspenseful parts because his "heart can't take it."

Luan: [coming down the stairs on her unicycle in her clown costume; also fed up] He asked me for a comedy routine, but not one that would make him LOL, because he's "so weak" he can only handle light chuckling.

Lisa: Fear not. This Snoozy Time tea is sure to knock Father out.

Lori: [blocking Leni, Luan and Lola's way from getting to the front door by bailing] No way! No one's bailing on Dad duty. We are all in this together.

Lynn Sr.: [off-screen] Uh, can someone siphon the snot from my nose with a turkey baster?

Lori: Okay, we all have to get out of here.

Lynn Sr.: [walks out of the house, woozy and delirious; rubbing his eyes] Huh? [his POV shows the neighborhood warbling; walks over to the garbage truck, mistaking it for a taxi while Dink is tossing in trash and listening to music; groans] Taxi! [climbs into the back of the truck and drives away] Whew! Some of these cabs are due for a cleaning.

[The Loud siblings arrive at Dr. Petersen's office and barge in after following their father's trail]

Leni: Has anyone seen a half-naked, delirious man with the sniffles and a love of drama?

Dr. Petersen: Oh, if it isn't the Loud kids, my favorite patients! You're the reason I was able to buy a pool and put in a water slide. [clears throat] Anyway, you must be here to see your dad.

Luna: So, he is here?

Dr. Petersen: Yup. He showed up in his underwear, had a quick chat with a skeleton in my exam room, then fell asleep. [leads them to the exam room and see their father resting on the bed] I haven't seen him this exhausted since you kids all got the chicken pox at the same time.

Leni: Wow. I forgot about that.

Dr. Petersen: Well, that was nothing compared to when you all got the stomach flu. [they all leave the exam room] You should've seen him running around with a bucket catching your vomit for 10 days straight! [walks off, shuddering, and the Loud siblings cringe]

Lori: We're literally the worst.

Luan: Yeah. After all Dad's done for us our whole lives, we couldn't even take care of him for one day.

Lincoln: [getting an idea] But the day's not over.

[Rita sees Todd lying down on the floor after she leaves the master bedroom, seeing all the kids taking good care of their father]

Todd: Please! No more sponge baths, Mr. Loud.

Rita: [walks off] Not even gonna ask.

Episode 12

Swimming Fools [9.12a]

[Super-hot summer day at the Loud House; Clyde, Liam, Rusty, Zach, Stella, and Kara are all in the backyard, wearing their swim suits and sharing a pool while using fans to cool themselves from the heat]

Liam: Ooh-wee. It is hotter than a pig in a pepper patch.

Lincoln: [coming out the back door, carrying a bucket of ice] Okay, I got the ice! Get ready to chill. [accidentally trips on the fan's plug and falls on the ground, dropping the ice bucket on him as it melts]

Clyde: There's got to be a better way to stay cool.

Stella: [smiles] Actually… [realizes] Oh, no. Never mind.

Lincoln: What?

Liam: Come on, tell us.

Zach: Spill it, Zhau.

Stella: [giving in] Okay, fine. Know how I'm neighbors with Principal Ramirez? [her friends all nod yes] Well, I'm housesitting for her this weekend while she's at some teacher's conference, and… she has a pool! [her friends all talk at once with excitement] Technically, she never said I could use it. I'm just supposed to water the plants and feed her birds and stuff… [shrugs] But I guess I could ask. [takes out her phone]

Lincoln: I don't see why she wouldn't let us.

Rusty: Please, Stella, I feel like I'm melting! [groans while sinking slowly into the pool]

Stella: [types a text and sends it] There. Text sent. Now we wait.

Zach: Uh, guys? Can we wait at her house? I think Lily wants her pool back.

[Lily is revealed to be in a bucket of water and scowls angrily at them for using her kiddie pool; Later… the gang arrives at Principal Ramirez's house where her three parrots are sitting on a perch in the backyard until Stella approaches, about to feed them their food]

Red Parrot: Stella's here.

Blue Parrot: [caws] Hello!

Stella: Hey, guys! Here you go. [pours the food into their bowl]

[Her friends dash over and gasp in amazement at the pool as it glimmers in the beautiful sunlight]

Lincoln: Ooh! This is exactly what we needed! [to Stella] Did she text back yet?

Stella: [checks her phone while the parrots eat their food] Negative. We shouldn't go in until we hear back, so just hang out until then. [goes inside the house]

Rusty: [takes out a spray can of sunscreen] Better reapply my sunscreen. Gotta protect my epiderm. Know what I mean? [sprays himself and Zach in his sunscreen, which covers Zach's glasses]

Clyde: [blowing his whistle] No running! [his friends all look at him, puzzled] Sorry. Reflexes. My dads made me get lifeguard training before I was allowed to bathe alone.

[The gang is then sitting beside the pool, all looking bored]

Rusty: [throws a life ring in the pool; wearing an inflatable swan] Well, I've pre-floated all the floaties. Come on, Ramirez. Send that text!

Stella: [checks her phone] Sorry, guys. Still nothing.

Zach: [sitting on the slide; groans] It's so hot! [slides down it, stopping just before he enters the pool while groaning]

Kara: [sighs] What if she never texts back? Well, what if she lost her phone? Or her mind? You know how wild teacher conferences get.

Lincoln: You know what, I'm just gonna dip my toe in.

[As the gang happily enjoy themselves in Principal Ramirez's backyard pool…]

Clyde: [carrying a tray with three glasses of tropical smoothies he made] Who's ready for more of Chef Clyde's famous tropical smoothies? [gives one to Stella] Cheers to Stella, the pool party hostess with the mostest.

Rusty: Rusty Spokes cannonball! [dives in; sighs] This is the life!

Stella: [takes out her phone as it beeps; excited] You guys! Principal Ramirez finally texted back!

Lincoln: It's about time. Make sure to thank her for us.

Stella: [checks her phone, stunningly shocked; nervously] Uh, guys? [Principal Ramirez's response is shown as emojis] She texted a thumbs-down emoji, an angry face emoji, and an explosion emoji. She super does not want us in the pool!

Clyde: Aah! Oh, no!

Stella: [looks back at her phone, getting another text] She sent another text. Car emoji, "Back in an hour," clock emoji. [gasps fearfully; frantically] EVERYBODY OUT!!!

Zach: [swimming to the bottom of the pool to get the sunken lawn gnome and suddenly sees there are more; irritated] Argh, Rusty!

Clyde: That should be everything. The only evidence is my tense, nagging guilt.

Stella: [relieved] Thank you, guys. Now you better go. Principal Ramirez will be here in 20 minutes.

[Lincoln and his other friends start to leave]

Liam: Later, Stellar.

Kara: Good luck.

Lincoln: Don't be nervous. There's no way Ramirez will know we used the pool. [starts to leave, until…]

Red Parrot: [caws; mimicking Lincoln] There's no way Ramirez will know we used the pool.

Clyde: [shocked] Did they just--?!

Green Parrot: [caws; mimicking Zach] Pool party!

Stella: [worriedly] They're repeating what we said!

Zach: Those featherheads are gonna rat us out!

Kara: [takes out a roll of duct tape] Oh, no, they won't! [the parrots shriek in terror as she is about to tape their beaks shut]

Stella: [grabs the duct tape out of her hands] You're not taping their beaks shut, Kara.

[The parrots squawk in relief]

Lincoln: Wait, guys, there's no reason why Ramirez would think they were talking about us.

Red Parrot: [mimicking Rusty] Rusty Spokes cannonball!

Kara: [relieved] Phew. It's just Rusty.

Rusty: [offended] Kara! Not cool, dawg!

Green Parrot: [mimicking Clyde] Stella, the pool party hostess with the mostest! [squawks]

Blue Parrot: [squawks; also mimicking Clyde] Chef Clyde's tropical smoothies!

Kara: [sighs, realizing she's wrong] We're toast.

Clyde: Welp, there goes my recommendation to U of M.

Stella: [disgraced] No. I'm the one she trusted, and it was my idea. I'll tell her it was all my fault.

Rusty: [frustrated when the green parrot mimics him] Why am I being singled out?!

Lincoln: Maybe it's not enough to teach them new phrases. We have to make them forget the old ones! [swinging a round cracker tied to a string like a pendulum in front of the parrots' faces, trying to put them under a hypnosis spell] You are getting very sleepy. You will fall into a deep sleep and forget all about the pool party.

[The parrots enter the hypnosis spell… and so does Zach]

Kara: [notices] Uh-oh, I think Zach caught some stray hypno-rays!

Zach: [collapses and stands up; groaning] Where am I? Why am I looking at birds?

Kara: They aren't saying anything, so I think it worked.

Clyde: Yeah! They forgot all about the pool party, Lincoln.

Red Parrot: [squawks; mimicking Clyde] Pool party, Lincoln.

Clyde: [realizing he messed up] Whoopsie.

Lincoln: [groans] I gotta start over again.

Rusty: Don't bother, yo. I just came up with a better idea. [then shown in front of the house, waving to his cousin Derek; holding birdcage with a blanket covering it] Thanks, D-Dawg! [brings the cage into the backyard] Cousin Derek comes through again. I sent him a picture and he got three identical birds in under 30 minutes!

Stella: I still don't feel good about replacing Ramirez's birds.

Lincoln: It's only until Lisa can wipe the memory. We can sneak them back here next week.

Rusty: Behold! [pulls the blanket off the cage, revealing a featherless parrot, a tan grey parrot with an eyepatch, and a charcoal parrot with a black beak]

Stella: Rusty, these birds look nothing like Ramirez's!

Rusty: Relax. Cousin Derek also sold me bird paint. [holds up three cans of bird paint with a logo of parrot (which almost looks like Sergio), corresponding to the original parrots' feather colors; paints the replacement parrots to look identical to Principal Ramirez's] Oh, missed a spot. Done!

Stella: I must admit, they don't look that bad… if you squint.

Italian Parrot #1: Buongiorno! (translation: Good day!)

Italian Parrot #2: Come stai? (translation: How are you?)

Stella: [surprised in anger] Rusty, these birds speak Italian!

New York Parrot: Yo, forget about it.

Clyde: Not that one. He's from New York.

Stella: Either way, Principal Ramirez is gonna know they're not her birds! [pulls out her phone, getting a text] It's her! "Five minutes away", car emoji, smiley face emoji.

Zach: She's really going hard on the emojis.

Stella: [out of options] Welp, guess I'll have to face the music.

Lincoln: No, we all will.

New York Parrot: How you doing?

Clyde: Not great, but thanks for asking.

[Five minutes later… Principal Ramirez parks her car into the driveway of her house just as Stella returns the original parrots to their perch and Rusty hides the replacement ones in his hair]

Liam: [hastily as Principal Ramirez enters the backyard] Principal Ramirez. I bet you're wondering why we're all standing around here in our swimming costumes.

Principal Ramirez: Not really. [shoves him, Zach and Kara out of the way; to her parrots, happily] There you are! Oh, my babies! Mommy missed you! [gives them smooches]

Red Parrot: [mimicking Rusty] Rusty Spokes cannonball!

Green Parrot: [squawks; mimicking Zach] Stella's pool party!

Blue Parrot: [mimicking Colonel Austin] Hasta la bye-bye, chump!

Stella: Yeah, about that. We can explain. We really messed up. We used the pool before we got your text.

Lincoln: We're really sorry.

Rusty: Yeah.

Clyde: [sighs] I'll just go to community college.

Principal Ramirez: [puzzled] Wait, wait, wait. I'm confused. I told you to use the pool. Didn't you read my text?

Stella: [holds up her phone; confused] The one with the angry face emoji?

Principal Ramirez: Angry face? I thought that was the "It's hot" emoji. [takes out her phone] See? I said, "I'm down. It's super hot. Swimming is the bomb."

Principal Ramirez: Principal Ramirez CANNONBALL! [runs and dives into the pool as the water splashes onto the replacement parrots in Rusty's hair]

New York Parrot: Hey! I'm squawkin' here!

Stage Combat [9.12b]

Lola: [smelling drama] Ooh, I smell more drama. Bobby accidentally liked another girl's photo!

Luan: [approaches the garage and sees Lucy and Lisa dancing] Whoa, what's up with you two?

Lisa: Luna played her number for us, and it really got my gluteus moving to the maximus!

Lucy: Gasp. Is this what it feels like to be... alive? [dances in a background of a blue sky with a sun and flower with cute faces; snaps herself out of it and shudders, feeling dizzy, and runs off inside] I need to go lie down in my coffin for a while.

Mr. Coconuts: If Luna's act is good enough to give Lucy a pulse, our act isn't gonna cut it, toots!

Luan: You're right! We need a new angle.

[Luan uses a drone to spy on Luna performing in the garage until she notices it and turns on her fog machine]

Luan: Oh, dang it. I can't see anything through all this fog.

[Lincoln and his sisters are all eating chicken pot pie for lunch at the dining room table while Luna and Luan sit on opposite sides, glaring darkly at each other]

Lola: [sensing some drama between them] So, how's your act going, Luan?

Luan: I don't know, Lola. Why don't you ask Luna how my act is going? [stabs her fork into her pie, crossly, splattering it all over Lincoln's face]

Luna: [squirting ketchup on hers; also cross] What's that supposed to mean? [bangs the ketchup, squirting it onto Lucy's head]

Luan: Oh, I think you know. [slams her fists on the table, flinging and splattering her pie on Leni and Lola's faces]

Lincoln: [sighs; to Leni, Lucy and Lola] Ponchos out, people. [they duck under the table and pop back up nervously, all wearing yellow ponchos]

Luan: Hey, Leni, can you pass the chicken pot spy? Oh, sorry. Pie?

Luna: Huh! Excuse me. I don't like your drone. Oops, I mean, tone.

Lola: I knew there'd be drama! [takes out a bucket of popcorn] Good thing I came prepared.

Luan: Okay, real talk. What the heck happened to us supporting each other?! I mean, spying on me? Seriously?!

Luna: [rolls her eyes; fed up] Give me a break, dude. I caught you doing the same exact thing! Admit it. [bangs the table] All you care about is winning!

Luan: [bangs the table, also fed up] Like you're any better!

Leni: [confused] Am I supposed to pass the chicken pot pie or not?

Luna: You know what? Whatever. From now on, it's every sister for herself! [walks off into the kitchen, having enough]

Luan: Fine! Works for me! [walks off into the living room, also having having enough]

[On the day of the artist grant competition… Luna and Luan have all their stuff packed up in Vanzilla; Luna stuffs her fog machine into the trunk, causing Luan's puppets to fling out of their car seats]

Luan: Hey! Your fog machine just gave my puppets whiplash!

Luna: Fine! [takes her fog machine out of the trunk] I'll put it in the passenger seat!

Luan: [gasps] That's my seat! Why don't you just take out this amp?! [takes the amp out and tosses it away]

Luna: [gasps] Why don't you take out your pogo-cycle?! [takes out the pogo-cycle and tosses it away as well]

[They glare at each other's faces and growl angrily]

Boris: [walking over] And where will Boris sit?

Summer Camp: Ticked Off (Episode 13)

[The Louds and Clyde arrive at Camp Mastadon where they're staying for the summer]

Lincoln: We made it!

Leonard: Here they are! [gives his grandkids a big hug] Welcome to camp, family! Settle in!

Lincoln: My family and Clyde are spending the summer at Camp Mastodon. [tries to pull his orange suitcase out of the luggage only to cause it to collapse on top of him] My older sisters get to be camp counselors…

Leonard: [giving his five older granddaughters their camp counselor uniforms] Here. You each get a special T-shirt that lets the kids know you're in charge! [Luna rips the sleeves off hers] Luna! That was brand new!

Luna: Now it has style!

Lincoln: Dad's gonna be camp cook… Mom wants to revive The Mastadon Minute.

Rita: [reading the newspaper's headline] "New invention hits mess hall: The toaster."

Lincoln: The rest of us get to be campers. We're all so excited!

[Lincoln and Clyde enter the Tick bunk and meet their new bunkmates: Marshall and Iggy]

Lincoln: Hello, fellow Ticks! I'm Lincoln, and this is Clyde. [notices the Rip posters] Holy hardcore! You guys are Rip fans too?

[The four boys all imitate bird calls]

Marshall: Only hardcore hardcore fans can do Rip's macaw call! Welcome to the Tick bunk. I'm Marshall. That's Iggy.

Iggy: I'm a Rip Hardcore collector. Check out my latest score: A wooden recorder that Rip whittled out of the bark from a mango tree!

Lincoln & Clyde: [awestruck] Whoa...!

[Iggy starts playing a tune of the recorder, which sounds really bad for Marshall's reaction]

Clyde: Oh, that reminds me. A present my dads gave me: [puts it on the nearby dresser] Rip's Tips of the Day mini-calendar!

Marshall: [flips the calendar open to the current month] Check out today's tip: "You can make a sail out of underpants."

Clyde: Does it specify whether that's boxers or briefs? Ah, doesn't matter… I'm wearing both!