The Simpsons/Season 10

From Wikiquote

Jump to: navigation, search
Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
For other uses of "The Simpsons", see The Simpsons (disambiguation).

The Simpsons Season 10

Contents

[edit] Lard of the Dance [10.01]

Homer:Used grease is worth money? Then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold!
Homer:Marge, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
Marge:With cans of used grease?
Homer:(mockingly) No, through savings and wise investments! Of course with grease.
Alex: Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
Lisa: Did she just tell me to "shut up?"
(Bart and Homer are escaping from Groundskeeper Willie through the air ducts. Willie grabs Homer by the ankle.)
Willie: not so fast, boyo. Hell, if it was up to me, I'd let ya go. (Raises his fists.) But, the lads have a temper, and they've been drinking all day!
(Willie starts punching Homer with hard blows while Homer is screaming in pain.)
Homer: Ow! Stop pummeling me! It's really painful!
Willie: (Willie stops briefly.) Okay, fine. I'll strangle ya for a while! (Willie strangles Homer with his hose, and one of Homer's eyes bulges out of its socket.)
Homer:Lisa, I can't imagine anyone being more likable than you. But apparently this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.
Homer:Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done, including my muscle for hire business.
Marge:Oh, poor Homey. Couldn't you try some other far-out, moneymaking scheme?
Homer:Alright son, we're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our head in prayer. Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women change cloths and all that, but if you help us steal this grease tonight I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
Bart:Dad, He's not stupid.
Homer:Alright, screw it. Let's go! (floors it)

[edit] The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace [10.02]

Marge:I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.
Kent Brockman:In other news, Thomas Edison-the greatest inventor of all time-is apparently still inventing despite the notable handicap of being dead.
Homer: (Homer is showing his family his new inventions.) This is my "Everything's Okay Alarm." (Picks up a device that looks like a smoke detector and presses a button. It starts beeping loudly.) (Homer shouting.) THIS ALARM WILL SOUND EVERY 3 SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!
Marge: HOMER, TURN IT OFF!
Homer: IT CAN'T BE TURNED OFF! (The beeping starts weakening, then stops completely.) But, it does break easily.
Lisa: Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Homer: Women will like what I tell them to like.

[edit] Bart the Mother [10.03]

(at an arcade)

Nelson:What can I get for 8,000 tickets?
Clerk:Uh, a BB gun or an Easy Bake Oven.
Nelson:Hmmm...Hot food is tempting, but I just can't say no to a weapon.

(after Marge sees the bird Bart shot)

Marge: Bart! Did you kill that poor bird?
Bart: I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left.
Marge: You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal?!
Bart: I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished.
Marge (sighs dejectedly): Oh, what's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums? Fine! Have fun killing things! (gets in her stationwagon and drives off)
Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as "Earwigs, ewwww" and "Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory"
Homer:This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's Comet collided with the moon.
Lisa:That didn't happen Dad.
Homer:Sure it didn't Lisa.
Mayor Quimby:(to Bart) For decimating our pigeon population and for making Springfield a less oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with this scented candle.

[edit] Treehouse of Horror IX [10.04]

Marge: Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.
Homer: (gasps) You intergalactic hussy! How could you?! (starts crying) Was he better than me?
Kang: Any-hoo, this is your last chance. Turn over the baby now!
Kodos: Or we will destroy all your leaders in Washington!
Marge: [not intimidated] Oh, you can't destroy every politician!
Kodos: [darkly] Just watch us.
[Kang and Kodos laugh maniacally as they enter their spaceship and take off.]
Bart: Don't forget Ken Starr!

[edit] When You Dish Upon a Star [10.05]

Lisa:(speaking to Homer) You promised to take us to the lake.
Homer:I promise you kids lots of things. That's what make me such a good father.
Lisa:Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
Homer:No that would make me a great father.
Man:Sir you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.
Homer:Oh, that sounds like a wager to me.
Homer:(while parasailing) Ooh, I'm soaring like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft!
Homer: When was the last time Barbra Streisand ever did the laundry for you? And when it's time to do the dishes, where's Ray Bolger?! I'll tell you where! RAY BOLGER IS LOOKING OUT FOR RAY BOLGER!!!

[edit] D'oh-in in the Wind [10.06]

Dr. Hibbert: If that were a gladiola, he'd be dead right now!
Marge: Shouldn't you just pull it out?
Dr. Hibbert: (Trademark Laugh) I'm a doctor not a gardener!
Homer: Couldn't you just trim some of the leaves so I can watch TV?
Dr. Hibbert: Now what did I just say?!
Young Homer on mural: How could you let me turn into you?
Homer: But but but the poncho.
Young Homer:(Mocking) but but but the poncho! Hit the road square!

[edit] Lisa Gets an "A" [10.07]

Skinner: And, for the first time ever, our computer lab actually has a computer in it!
(Ralph is sitting at their newly installed computer, engrossed in an educational spelling program)
Ralph: Hi, Lisa! Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! (he types "cat," which prompts a "meow" sound from the computer) I'm learn-ding.
Lisa: Aw, way to go, Ralph.

(Bart and Lisa are outside the boys' bathroom)

Lisa: Hey, I can't go in there!
Bart: Relax, there's nothing here you didn't see when Dad boycotted pants.

[edit] Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble" [10.08]

Homer: If I die in the operation, will ya do one thing for me.
Marge: Oooh, anything sweetheart.
Homer: (serious tone) Blow up the hospital.
(after hearing Homer's story of how he ran away from his dying father after promising him one of his kidneys)
Concertina Player: (in a French accent): I stole this accordian from a blind monkey, but you (spits): You disgust even me!
Homer:I'm the luckiest man in the world, now that Lou Gehrig's dead.

[edit] Mayored to the Mob [10.09]

Mayor Quimby:Oh God. Can't this town go one day without a riot?
Homer: Oh My God, I killed the Mayor! Alright, stay calm. I'll just use the body to stage an elaborate farce a la Weekend At Bernie's.
Bart: If I was Fat Tony, and God willing someday I will be, I'd just be stewing in my jail cell getting angrier and angrier.
Homer: I don't have to worry about that, he's already out on bail. Well, I'm off to work.
Marge: You're guarding the mayor, after Fat Tony swore revenge?
Homer: I have to, Marge. Besides, those mobsters don't scare me. Bart, will you start daddy's car?
Marge: Homer!
Homer: What? Nothing bad will happen.
Bart: Well, then you start it.
Homer: Fine, I'll take a cab.

[edit] Viva Ned Flanders [10.10]

Casino worker:Someone dishonoring their marriage vows!? Not in Las Vegas.
Homer: Oh, slave girl!

[edit] Wild Barts Can't Be Broken [10.11]

Homer: Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!
Lisa: Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
Homer: Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
Lisa: Even you?
Homer: Especially me.
Bart: But you gotta support the team, Dad! They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw.
Marge: That's right! Like my mother always said, you've got to stick it out, even if you picked the loser ... (sees Homer picking at his ear and looking at his finger afterward) ...to the bitter end.
Bart: Tune in tomorrow, and every day, until the curfew is lifted, because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.
Homer: Well, at least they've already done me.
Bart: And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson.
Homer: D'oh!

[edit] Sunday, Cruddy Sunday [10.12]

Moe: Bye weeks. Bronko Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks, and now he's dead! [pause] Well... maybe they're a good thing.

[edit] Homer to the Max [10.13]

[Homer sings to the tune of Goldfinger.]
Homer: Max Power
He's the man whose name you'd love to touch
But you musn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it, you musn't fear
'Cause his name can be said
By anyone....
Marge: But I fell in love with Homer Simpson. I don't wanna snuggle with Max Power.
Max (Homer): Nobody snuggles with Max Power - You strap yourself in and feel the G's! [performs a hip gyration]
Marge: Oh, Lord...
Max: And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh no! I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things! The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Max: Yeah, but faster!
Max: Awww, this is the worst party ever.
Marge: Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's? He didn't even have a clock.

[edit] I'm With Cupid [10.14]

(Homer is telling Lisa a bedtime story)

Homer: ...and then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the evil ogre -- Barney -- had left the men's room in the most wicked condition! So the prince went out back to the enchanted alley --
Lisa: That's not a fairy tale; it's something that happened to you at Moe's!
Homer: Sssh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years, until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon!
Homer Everybody's marriages is falling apart except ours. You see the problem is communication.... too much communication.
Homer: People! It's easy to blame ourselves, but it's even easier to blame Apu!

[edit] Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers" [10.15]

Zookeeper: Boy, that Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke. What television network is he on?
Bart: Why, NBC, of course.
Lisa: NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat.
Wiggum: Do you think there's anything great on NBC right now?
Homer: Oh, I'm sure of it.
Marge: But there's only one way to find out.
(cut to the closing credits)
Homer (voice-over): I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under ... (sound of gun cocking)... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox shows as possible. So in summary, NBC - bad. Fox - good. (very softly) CBS great.
(sound of gunshot, followed by a thud. The Gracie Studios logo appears, accompanied by three more gunshots. According to the audio commentary, George Meyer came up with the idea of shooting an already dead corpse a few times, he called them "safety shots.")
Bart Simpson: I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
Homer:I'm gonna die! Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!

[edit] Make Room for Lisa [10.16]

Lisa: Wow, I've been a cat, a tree, and Cokie Roberts. It's happening again. I wonder where I'm going this time. What's that?
[A sandwich appears on a black background]
Lisa: Yuck! That sandwich is full of meat. [As the meats rotate] There's bacon, Canadian bacon, Mexican bacon [drooling] and a mouth-watering veal chop.
[two arms come from either side of the screen, grab the sandwich. Lisa takes a bite]
Lisa: Oh, no, now I'm dad!
[background, from Homer's point of view, fades in. He's at a ballet]
Lisa (as Homer): Oh, and I'm at a stupid boring ballet.
Homer: Relax, Lisa! Meet your new roommate! (Hums The Odd Couple Theme)
Bart: I'm gonna make your life a living hell!
Homer: (Still hums The Odd Couple and shoves Lisa in)

[edit] Maximum Homerdrive [10.17]

Female Trucker: There goes the finest trucker who ever lived!
Homer: He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
Male Trucker: In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. Well, it looks like this is one delivery old Red won't be making.
Homer: Oh, yes he will....AND ON TIME, TOO!
Marge: Oh no, Homer, NO!
Homer: I have to, Marge. I owe it to Red as both his friend and his killer!
Homer: Don't you have school?
Bart: Don't you have work?
Homer: Ahh, Touché.

[edit] Simpsons Bible Stories [10.18]

Homer (as Adam): [to Marge (as Eve)] You're pretty uptight for a naked chick.

(The Simpsons watch as their neighborhood is engulfed by The Apocalypse)

Marge: Oh, no! It's the Apocalypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?
Bart: Not anymore.
Lisa: It's The Rapture, and I never knew true love!
Homer: I never used those pizza coupons.

[edit] Mom and Pop Art [10.19]

[Homer is getting hit by soup cans thrown by Andy Warhol]
Andy Warhol: Soup's on, Fat Boy!
[Homer is on the ground whimpering. Warhol approaches him with a larger soup can. Homer awakes from the dream.]
Homer: Andy! No!
Marge: Homer! Homer!
Homer: [waking up] Oh, Marge! Why does art hate me? I never did anything to art. [He holds up his arm, his fist is through one of Andy Warhol's Soup Can paintings) Oh. Let's get out of here.
Homer (as he looks at a picture of "Life in Hell"'s Akbar and Jeff): Matt Groening?! What's he doing in a museum? He can barely draw.

[edit] The Old Man and The "C" Student [10.20]

Abe: Settle a bet. Mole or boil?
Bart: Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?
Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?
(Bart is about to say something when Skinner Quickly puts his hand over his mouth)
Principal Skinner: Uh, don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of Community Service.
(the children walk offstage, groaning and moaning)
Ralph: Intercourse?
Superintendent Chalmers: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.
(Bart looks at Skinner, and Skinner waves his hands "no")

[edit] Monty Can't Buy Me Love [10.21]

Mr Burns: It's time to win the love of these hate-filled morons.
Mr Burns: Simpson! I want to be loved.
Homer: Well, I'll need some beer.

[edit] They Saved Lisa's Brain [10.22]

(Homer talks to the boudoir photographer over the phone)
Homer: You're not going to ask me to pose nude, are you?
Photographer: Well, yes, unless you have issues about revealing your body.
Homer: I don't, but the block association seems to. They wanted a "traditional" Santa.
Lisa: [writing her letter] We can better ourselves!
[Lisa then sees a naked Bart riding a pig in the hallway]
Lisa: [to herself] Well, most of us.

[edit] Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo [10.23]

PA: Welcome to Japan, folks. The local time is tomorrow.
Japanese toilet: Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.
Homer: (gasps) They're years ahead of us!
Retrieved from "http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Simpsons/Season_10"