The Simpsons/Season 25

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Homerland[edit]

Wiggum: When I look at people, I don't see colors; I just see crackpot religions.

Marge: He's like a husband in a widow's memory, perfect.

Lisa: Bart, why is the dad I've always wished for creeping me out?
Bart: I don't know, 'cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?
Lisa: Point taken.

Bart: You have some big underpants to fill. I didn't know they made underoos in size 52.
Homer: They're called superoos, son, with pictures of the cast of The Expendables.
Bart: More like The Expandables.

Homer: I'm not sure man who eats right and doesn't drink can be good in bed.

Homer: Oh, I've been listening to this son for three days and it's only the end of the first verse and was turned vegetarian.

Treehouse of Horror XXIV[edit]

Homer: Marge, they knew what they were getting into when their parents sold them to the circus.

Burns: I don't hand out candy, you son of a Grinch.

Homer/The Fat In The Hat: Now hop on my cycle, there's nothing to fear. And we shall have candy...and maybe some beer.

Homer/The Fat In The Hat (his dying words after Maggie stabs him): I'm frightened of nothing/Not even hellfire/Just don't ever let me be played by Mike Myers.

Four Regrettings and a Funeral[edit]

Reverend Lovejoy: So, is there truly anyone among us without regrets?
Agnes: I have no regrets.
Seymour: Really, Mother?
Agnes: Oh, I didn't see you there.
Mr. Burn: Speaking of return on investments, my Apple stock is up 3,500%.
Homer: Aw, you misheard that on purpose!

Milhouse: Why are you doing this, Bart?
Bart: 50% attention-seeking, 50% to drop things on people.
Ralph: He's gonna visit my sky granny.

Rafael: (to Homer) That's a ball-proof window, sir. Would you like me to ask Siri for a nearby hospital?
Siri: (to Rafael) I'm sorry, I don't see any "hops petals" near you. Deleting all contact information.
Rafeal: No, no, I didn't ask you to do that, Siri. I...
Siri: Delete confirmed.

Ned Flender: Pray for a miracle, boy. God can hear you better from up there.
Bart: (Pray to God) Dear Lord, please help me land safely. Or transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen.
Ned Flender: That's not a prayer.
Bart: My God says it is.

Marge: It's all my fault. I should never have listened to those KISS albums when I was pregnant.
Chief Wiggum: (to Marge) Marge, with all due respect, that's ridiculous. My Sarah listened to Mozart and Churchill speeches when she was pregnant with Ralphie, and he can't even open a refrigerator.

YOLO[edit]

Eduardo: Did you hair burn off in a fire that trapped you in a candy factory?
Homer: I wish.

Marge: I feel kind of melancholy.
Homer: Hmm...melon-collie.

Ned: That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn.

Willie: You want me to carve it into a thank-o-lantern?
Lisa: No, this is good.
Willie: Well, this knave's got to carve something.

Labor Pains[edit]

Moe: Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Brontë.
Carl: I thought we were playing cards.

Homer: You like lies? Here's a few: College is expensive, but it's worth it.

Homer: I'm sorry, Homer, Jr. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill.
Bart: Therapy, please.
Lisa: Me too.

Marge: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife!
Homer: But you're also the housekeeper. So it's all good.

The Kid is All Right[edit]

Homer: Alright, '80s party! Where's the beef? Tear down that wall because I think the beef is behind that wall.

Principal Skinner: I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to see you thoroughly de-high-horsed.
Lisa: That isn't a word.
Principal Skinner: Oooh, back on the saddle she climbs.

Principal Skinner: It's called precipitation because it never fails to precipitate bad behavior.

Lisa: Excellent! [tents fingers] What am I doing? Untent! Untent!

Yellow Subterfuge[edit]

Skinner: You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. Even when you look good, we know you're going bad.

Lisa: You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did.
Krusty: Go off the air while I'm still good? That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory and has been used to make art projects.

Marge: Bart, sweetie. This is an opportunity for you to turn things around... yet again. And I believe in you... yet again.

White Christmas Blues[edit]

Marge: Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen. But sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.

Quimby: Don't you idiots see what this means?
Lenny: Idiots? Why do we re-elect this guy?
Carl: Because his opponent has a long Slavic name.

Homer: Global warming. Huh, by pure coincidence every scientist was right.

Steal This Episode[edit]

FBI Agent: I'm here to arrest and hopefully stage the prison suicide of the mastermind of this operation - Homer Simpson.

Lenny: [on piracy] That was so much better than the cinema. It mixes the wonder of movie-going with the rush of stealing.
Carl: All we want is brand new, big-budget entertainment in our homes for nothing. Why doesn't Hollywood get that?

Homer: That was the greatest thing I've seen on a computer that I could talk about with you in the room.

Homer: If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Homer: Wait, you guys saw the new Radioactive man sequel?
Carl: Uh, it's not a sequel, it's a reboot.
Lenny: Actually, this one undoes the stuff from the last one, so it's a deboot.

Married to the Blob[edit]

Bart: Homer, will you take me to buy a comic book Tuesday at midnight?
Homer: And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel? That's when he experiments, boy.

Comic Book Guy: I cannot hide the snide inside!

Comic Book Guy: The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store, and he comes from a race of celibate knights so...

Comic Book Guy: Nerds don't get girls!

Specs and the City[edit]

Burns: Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes.

Lisa: How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it?
Marge: What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things?
Lisa: Not to.

Nelson: Simpson, there's going to be a heart in my hand, either paper or yours.

Marge: I'm afraid wives don't make passes at husbands who wear those glasses.

Diggs[edit]

Marge: Bart's usually first in line for taco night, but now he's muy tarde. Is it alright to say tarde?

Homer: Pressure is how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge.
Marge: I don't have any diamonds.
Homer: Quit pressuring me!

Homer: If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible. The first one sold pretty well.

The Man Who Grew Too Much[edit]

Lisa: Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.
Chief Wiggum: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own.

Marge: Don't you think the parts that aren't evil, are a little...pretentious.
Bart: Absolutely...we're talking about Lisa, right?

Todd: We took the pledge.
Rod: We won't have sex until we're married.
Todd: To each other.

Ned: Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

The Winter of His Content[edit]

Nelson: Simpson, I won't forget this. From now on, you and I are as tight as whiteys.

Dolph: I'm going to kiss the ground.
Kearney: Loser, you're gay for the ground.
Dolph: Well, you're gay for homophobia.
Kearney: Wow, you just made me gay for tolerance.

Homer: Honey, Grandpa is the closet thing I have to a father and I love him, but three octogenocerauses?!?

Homer: My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

The War of Art[edit]

Homer: Emojis! Now she's gone to far.

Homer: Kettle-corn, the heroin of the farmer's market.

Homer: That's the great thing about art, everyone can have their opinion about why it sucks.

You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee[edit]

Skinner: So from now on, our cafeteria will only serve delicious Stuffwich's heroes, hoagies, and torpedoes.
Nelson: What about po' boys?
Skinner: Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys, such as yourself, will go hungry.

Homer: The only thing that keeps me from living here is that fish that swims up your pee stream. That is a deal breaker.

Superintendent: Skinner! I have seven other principals, and I've never yelled their names. Not even once.

Dolph: Why are you concussing yourself? Why are you concussing yourself?

Luca$[edit]

Milhouse: A fat kid with a dream. I can't compete with that.

Lisa: He's just Ralph with a dream, the dream of not ralphing.

Homer: Whoo hoo! I've got a date with my daughter!
Cletus: Yeah, we've all been there. No need to act like you just invented air conditioning.

Milhouse: I never would have suspected the one criminal in town.

Patty: Justin Blobber over there doesn't remind you of anyone?

Bart: Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom.
Lisa: At least we hope it's bottom.

Days of Future Future[edit]

External links[edit]

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