The Simpsons/Season 20
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- For other uses of "The Simpsons", see The Simpsons (disambiguation).
The Simpsons season 20.
[edit] Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes [20.1]
- Marge: This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.
- Judge Roy Snyder: Bail is set at $25,000.
- Homer: [scoffs] I make that in a year.
[edit] Lost Verizon [20.2]
- Lisa: [seeing what her parents are up to] Tracking software? [gasps] You're spying on Bart!
- Marge: Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
- Moe: [Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement] That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. [Laughs] Soon, you'll be mine.
- FBI Agent #1: [observing Moe via spy camera] Keep talking, creepo.
- FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
- Marge: Bart, how did you get a cellphone?
- Bart: The same way you got me, by accident on a golf course.
[edit] Double, Double, Boy in Trouble [20.3]
- (Bart is at a low end of a see-saw while Mr Burns is at the high end and won't fall)
- Bart: Why won't you come down?
- Mr. Burns: I told you. I only weigh as much as my clothes and keys.
- Homer: (while falling) Aw, come on gravity...You used to be cool.
[edit] Treehouse of Horror XIX [20.4]
[the kitchen is filled with appliances transforming]
- Homer: Hey is there something different about the kitchen?
- Transformers: No no no. [Homer looks at the toaster which transforms into the word "No"]
- Homer: Well the toaster's never lied to me before.
- Destructicus: That does not compute.
- Marge: (sternly) Really?
- Destructicus: Well, it computes a little.
[edit] Dangerous Curves [20.5]
- (When a hitchhiker couple make out in the back of his car)
- Homer: Knock it off! How dare you expose my children to your tender feelings! Bart, don't you dare take your eyes off that game boy!
- Bart: Yes, sir. (Plays a video game about killing popular cereal mascots) I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!
- Homer: Video games: The reason this generation of Americans is the best ever.
[edit] Homer and Lisa Exchange Crosswords [20.6]
- Chalmers: SIMPSON, what in the blue blazes are you doing to my hop-scotching grids?
- Lisa: [a bit worried] I made them into a crossword.
- Chalmers: Oh, well ha ha, I'm a bit of a puzzlehead myself. They help me wind down after a day of dealing with SKINNER!!
- Skinner: [appears in the school window] You called?
- Chalmers: Made a reference.
- Skinner: My mistake. [disappears back in the window]
- Bookie: I'll take your money...but I won't look you in the eye.
- Homer: Fine! I won't look you in the eye!
[short period of them poking each other with a money and a bag for taking the money]
- Homer: Got it?
- Bookie: [Muffled with money in his mouth] I got it.
- Nelson:Mr. S. Lisa B.
[edit] Mypods and Boomsticks [20.7]
- Homer: Praise to Oliver!
- Mina: That's Allah.
- Homer: We'll look it up in the Corona.
- Bashir: [holding up Bart's sling shot] Bart forgot this, sir.
- Homer: "Sir?" That's the kind of respect I'd have to strangle out of an American kid!
[edit] The Burns and the Bees [20.8]
- Mr. Burns:Who is that man and why isn't his enthusiasm being punished?
- Smithers: That's Mark Cuban sir. He's the most flamboyant owner in the league.
- Mark Cuban: (Slides down a zip line from a hook while holding a fire cracker) (Enthusiastically) I'M OUT OF MY MIND!
- Lisa: But without bees there would be no flowers.
- Homer: (scoffs) Flowers: The painted whores of the plant world.
[edit] Lisa the Drama Queen [20.9]
- Lisa: Hey Mom, can Juliet sleepover?
- Marge: Are your parents okay with that? They've never met us.
- Bart: We could be murderers.
- Homer: Could have been, if we hadn't had kids.
- Lisa: You can't keep Juliet and me apart! I'll... I'll disobey!
- Marge: I'm Bart Simpson's mother, do you think you've got any tricks I haven't seen. (leaves the room)
- (Lisa climbs out the window and slides down the tree only to land in a laundry basket being held by Marge)
- Marge: Bart Simpson: Age 3. (both go back inside)
- Bart: (Comes out of a hidden door in the tree dressed in black) Bart Simpson: Age 10. Mhwahahahaha!
[edit] Take My Life, Please [20.10]
- Homer: I'm going to find Dondelinger and tell him I know what he did last summer...22 years ago...in the winter!
- Mr. Burns: Sector 7G? No, let the Lennys and Carls of this world waste their wretched lives in that testicle-shrivelling torture chamber.
- Dondelinger:The brown-haired girl gave me a look, The redhead in the park was reading a book, The girl at the airport upgraded my car, Tonight I wonder, just where u are...
[edit] How the Test Was Won [20.11]
- Principal Skinner: At the end of the month we're be participating in the Vice President's Assessment Test.
- Nelson: He stinks!
- Principal Skinner: We're assessing you not him.
- Nelson: Withdrawn.
- Chalmers: Lisa, like Captain Kirk I'm not supposed to interfere but like T.J. Hooker I say what is on my mind. If you don't know the answer, just guess.
- Lisa: This test penalizes guessing.
- Chalmers: It does? Alright NOBODY GUESS! Just be right! Get down on your knees, pray to your God, and ask him, no, DEMAND he tell you the answer and if he won't, he is no God of yours!
[edit] No Loan Again, Naturally [20.12]
- Lisa: This is so hard because I always thought Mom was the strong one.
- Bart: She is. Look.
- [Homer is crying as he is about to hang himself on a tree]
- Homer: Goodbye.
- [he hangs himself, only for the tree to crash on his car]
- Homer: [getting up] D'oh!
[edit] Gone Maggie Gone [20.13]
- Homer: Now Maggie, I'll be watching you too, in case God is busy creating tornadoes or not existing.
- Homer: C'mon lady, have a heart! I'm sure your husband does stupid things sometimes too.
- Mother Superior: (indignantly) I'm married to Jesus!
- Homer: Pssh, yeah right. And I'm married to Wonder Woman!
[edit] In the Name of the Grandfather [20.14]
- Garda (Irish Cop) 1: So, it's a Smokeasy you're running, then?
- (Homer and Grampa try to run)
- Garda (Irish Cop) 2: So, it's escaping you're thinking of, then?
- Homer: I can't tell if those are questions or statements.
- Garda (Irish Cop) 1: So, it's our syntax you're criticizing, then?
[edit] Wedding for Disaster [20.15]
- Reverend Lovejoy: So in summary, there are only two real commandments and the other eight are just filler.
- (Trying on a tuxedo)
- Bart: This one's a little gay, isn't it?
- Store Worker: Well the last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
- Homer: Ew. How'd you check?
[edit] Eeny Teeny Maya Moe [20.16]
- (At Moe's) (To Maggie)
- Homer: Now you learn your numbers from these billiard balls while daddy gets happier and happier and then sadder and sadder.
- Carl: How did your date go Moe?
- Moe: Incredible. I've never felt like this before. It's like my heart wants to do her.
[edit] The Good, the Sad and the Drugly [20.17]
- Marge: Oh, Bart. I don't care that this is just an act. You've finally become the boy every mother dreams of--A girl!
- Jenny: Are you saying our entire relationship is based on lies?
- Bart: Not our entire relationship, just the stuff I said.
[edit] Father Knows Worst [20.18]
- [throwing an old water heater in the attic]
- Marge: Five more water heaters and we get a free water heater.
- Lisa: I've never been called "fierce" before. "Strident." "Hectoring" has been tossed around.
- Homer: I'm sorry Moe. I didn't mean everybody everybody, hope you don't mind.
[edit] Waverly Hills 9021-D'oh [20.19]
- Alaska Nebraska: I am so sick of fans in my food.
[edit] Four Great Women and a Manicure [20.20]
- King Julio: (about Lenny) Guards take him away and put things inside of him!
- Guard: Nice things?
- Julio: No, not nice things!
[edit] Coming to Homerica [20.21]
- [at the Simpsons' house, Homer is sleeping on the couch; his stomach is rumbling]
- Homer: What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep? [his stomach continues rumbling] Aww. Would some warm beer settle you down? [his stomach continues rumbling] Uh-oh. [gets up and runs off] Those barley burgers were tainted! Why did I eat twelve of them?! Why?! [runs to a bathroom door, only to find Marge using it]
- Marge: Taken! [Homer shuts the bathroom door, and runs upstairs to another bathroom door, only to find Bart using it]
- Bart: Occupied! [Homer runs to another bathroom door, only to find Lisa using it]
- Lisa: Hurling! [Homer runs, looks both ways, runs into Lisa's bedroom, and vomits into her saxophone; his mouth gets stuck trying to get it out]
- Homer: Uh-oh!
- Milhouse: Minnesota vikings apparel? This is tennessee titans country!
- Homer: Do you see now why we need that wall, Marge?
- Marge: BUILD IT, HOMER! BUILD IT TALL AS THE SKY AND DEEPER THAN HELL!
