Family Guy/Season 21
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Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999. The show was canceled in 2002, but after a positive response to DVDs and reruns on Adult Swim, productions of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2005.
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Oscars Guy[edit]
- Chris: [discussing wanting to enter America's Funniest Home Videos] I want to spend $2,000 flying to Los Angeles to win $1,000.
- Peter: You know when I agreed to this, I 100% thought it was American Pie. Always read the second word of the title before you sign something.
Bend or Blockbuster[edit]
- Lois: [texting] Hey, guys. Home with groceries. It could use hand unloading. And send. [sends text] Now, I wait for them to come out and help their dear old mom.
- Peter: [offscreen] Do it yourself!
A Wife-Changing Experience[edit]
- [Joe finds Lois naked and screams]
The Munchurian Candidate[edit]
- [Peter and Lois are dining at His and Her's Restaurant]
- Lois: Ah, look at this, Peter. A new restaurant in town. What a lightning bolt to the balls for a couple of schmos like us, huh?
- [Lois looks at the pictures of Susie Swanson on Bonnie's Facebook page]
- Lois: Ugh, look at that thing's eyes! You know, maybe one glass a night wasn't fine.
- Man: Sounds like a hippo copping around up there.
Unizpped Code[edit]
- [Jerome has broken his leg and is in a wheelchair]
- Cleveland: Whoa, Jerome. What's with the wheelchair?
- Jerome: Well, it was date night with my ladyfriend. Put on some Teddy Pendergrass. One thing led to another. We started making love halfway up the stairs. Then, I lost my footing and tumbles down half a flight!
- Quagmire: [appalled] Well! This is hardly a dinner conversation!
- Joe: I bet you're gonna discover some cool new things you couldn't do while walking.
- Jerome: Like what?
- Joe: Well, have you yelled at someone for using the handicapped stall yet?
Happy Holo-ween[edit]
- Peter: Thanks to the vaccines, we can all get back to doing the things we hate.
- [Peter sees Roberta dressed as Harley Quinn]
- Peter: Whoa!
- Cleveland: Careful.
The Stewaway[edit]
- [Peter and Lois are packing the car while Chris is eating some chocolate. He throws the wrapper upon finishing.]
- Meg: Chris? What - oh, who cares? We're in Vermont till Sunday. Call if you have to but, like, let's not call.
- Chris: Can we only brush our teeth for 60 seconds instead of the full 90?
- Peter: You brush your teeth? Nerd.
Get Stewie[edit]
Carny Knowledge[edit]
- Tom Tucker: Okay, final question. Team 3. Who is your child's favorite singer?
- Peter: [puts his board up to show the crowd] The Price is Right Yodeler.
- Chris: What? No. I said Adele. [puts his board up]
- Peter: Judges?
- [the crowd laughs after the buzzer goes off]
- Lois: Oh, this is more humiliating than my first day working at that Rice Pilaf Company.
- [cut to a Cutaway Gag of Lois' first day at the Rice Pilaf Company]
- Lois: I think we could start putting pilaf in other things.
- Boss: Lois, can I see you in my office for a second?
- [we cut to the kitchen where Lois is sobbing at the table while the rest of the family are eating]
- Peter: I told you not to rock the boat over there.
The Candidate[edit]
- [Peter turns himself into a waffle]
- Peter: I'm a waffle.
- Cleveland: I'm sorry for reading people's mail!
- Cleveland: Peter, where are we going?
- Peter: [offscreen] Relax, it's our nation's capital. I'm just a fan of history!
- Cleveland: Uh, Peter? What are you up to?
- [The camera zooms out to reveal Peter dressed as the Podium Guy]
- Peter: What? I just love our government! Or at least I used to!
- [The guys pass by Stoolbend, Virginia while Cleveland is asleep]
- Joe: Hey, Cleveland. Wake up!
- Quagmire: Don't… Don't wake him… Don't wake him. I don't think he wants to be reminded.
- Stewie: [inserts a record into a record player] Alright, time for a little payback. Let's see how the fat man feels about having a mistake baby when he has to listen to that same child blast rebellious rock & roll. [the record plays Sugar, Sugar by The Archies] Yeah! How do you like that, old man?! If it's too loud, you're too old!
- Peter: [comes downstairs and starts dancing] Hey, what's going on down here? I love this song!
- Stewie: No! No, you're supposed to be mad about this!
- Peter: I do have an issue with the volume, though.
- Stewie: [confident] Oh-ho, yeah, here we go!
- Peter: It needs to be louder!
- [Peter turns up the volume while his friends come over dressed in '60s dance clothes with a bowl of punch]
- Joe: Hey! We heard The Archies, so we brought punch.
- Stewie: What?! NO! No, this is supposed to be making you FURIOUS!
- Lois: [comes downstairs and starts dancing with everyone else] Oh, God, this music is making me LOSE IT! Should we order two cheese pizzas?
- Quagmire Uh, yeah!
- Cleveland: I'm in!
- Joe: Hey, Quagmire. Betty or Veronica?
- Quagmire: Both!
- Who Else But Quagmire? Guy: [singing to the tune of the song] Oh, Quagmire! Who else but Quagmire?
- Stewie: Brian, say hello to the new snack captain!
- Brian: You actually won? Wow! Congrats, Stewie! I thought you being a mistake ruined your chances. How'd you pull it off?
- Stewie: It turns out 70% of the kids' parents aren't married and 30% are mistakes. Nobody gets married anymore! One kid doesn't even have parents. He just kind of appeared. Sleeps in one of the cubbies. I mean, that's the story I would've told this week, but whatever. Oh, and Doug died in a commuter plane crash this morning.
Love Story Guy[edit]
Old West[edit]
- Allen: And I think margs are gonna be on you after this adventure, huh?
- Old West: I don't drink that shit.
- Allen: Okay, we'll figure something out.
Single White Dad[edit]
- [Meg is in the middle of an elaborate domino arrangement in the living room with Gene, but is set off early when Peter bumps into the table setting up]
- Meg: Crap! Gene, they're coming! They're coming fast, Gene! Starting recording, Gene! GENE!!
- [Peter introduces Chris to Donkey Kong]
- Chris: This game SUCKS!!
- Peter: What are you talkin' about?
- Chris: Uh, what universe does this even take place in? EVERYTHING needs to take place in a universe!
- Peter: It's a warehouse with ladders where a monkey took a girl.
- Chris: What about the microtransactions that slowly bankrupt our family? Or the children slinging racist taunts into your earpiece?
- Peter: It has two buttons and I have to look down when I press 'em.
- Chris: Donkey Kong sucks! I could build the same game on our house.
- [This gives Peter an idea]
- Peter: Donkey Kong house?
- [scene transitions to Peter setting up a real Donkey Kong stage in front of the house]
- Peter: Sorry I put you in a dress, Stewie. We needed a damsel.
- Stewie: Hey, do I look upset?
White Meg Can't Jump[edit]
- Ugly Girl: May I join the losers club?
- Chris: [sigh] I don't care what yearbook captions you saw. We are not yet an organized club.
- Pizza Bread: The deed to the house is in the drawer, under the phone!
Adoptation[edit]
The Bird Reich[edit]
- Preston: Peter, what are you doing up there?
- Peter: Preston, I'm glad you're here. I'm about to test the prototype for "desk-poline".
- [Peter jumps off a stack of cabinets and crashes on top of his desk. Peter grabs out a pad and pen and starts writing]
- Peter: Desk will need to be bouncy.
