SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2
SpongeBob SquarePants: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run / Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie / Plankton: The Movie / Search for SquarePants | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral (s1, s2) / The Patrick Star Show (s1, s2, s3, s4) | Specials: SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout, The Tidal Zone, Kreepaway Kamp, Snow Yellow, Sandy's Country Christmas, SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up
SpongeBob SquarePants (1999-present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.
Episode 1
[edit]Your Shoe's Untied [2.1a]
[edit]- [SpongeBob's feet are stomped into the floor of the Krusty Krab]
- Patrick: SpongeBob, you're shorter. Have you been dieting?
- SpongeBob: Heh, well, a sponge has to look his spongiest. [walks to the kitchen putting a line of holes in the floor with his feet] Well, I've gotta get to work.
- SpongeBob: [after making a Krabby patty] Look! a perfect patty.
- Squidward: Alright SpongeBob, Hand it over. [beat] well?
- SpongeBob: [imagines how Squidward is really far away and how his shoelaces are snakes that will squeeze and keep him from moving. He snaps out of hallucination] Hey Squidward! I've got a idea! How about you come get it?
- Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh, gee, SpongeBob, that's a great idea. And maybe I should cook the patties, and do the dishes, and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple, while YOU wait in the unemployment line!
- SpongeBob: No!
- Squidward: Then bring that patty here NOW!
- SpongeBob: [very upset about what he did] I've failed. My career is over. I'm sorry, spatula. I'm sorry, hat. I'm sorry, floor. [hugs a giant box of Krabby Patties] I'm sorry, Krabby Patties.
- Mr. Krabs: What's the meaning of this, Mr. Squidward?
- Squidward: It's SpongeBob's fault.
- Mr. Krabs: [gets upset, his eyes turn into steamboat whistles] SPONGEBOB, GET OUT HERE! [SpongeBob peeks out the door] More. [SpongeBob peeks out a little further] More! [SpongeBob stretches himself partially trough the door] All the way, boy! [SpongeBob snaps out of the door and falls too the ground] What be the matter, SpongeBob? I ought to make you walk the plank for this!
- SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, it's just that I, I...
- Mr. Krabs: Yes?
- SpongeBob: I... I... I... I... I... I...
- Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes, yes?
- SpongeBob: I... I... I... I... I...
- Kr. Krabs: [shakes SpongeBob] Out with it, Boy! What is it?
- SpongeBob: I forgot how to tie my shoes.
- Mr. Krabs: [laughs] That's all?
- SpongeBob: So, you'll show me how?
- Mr. Krabs: I don't wear shoes.
- [The camera zooms in to Mr. Krabs' feet, revealing he indeed doesn't wear shoes]
- [SpongeBob is shown crawling into his pineapple]
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: Not now, Gary.
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: I'm not in the mood, Gary.
- Gary: Meow. [the scene changes to SpongeBob's bedroom. Off-Screen] Meow.
- SpongeBob: [crawls into bed] Just leave me and me untied shoes alone, Gary.
- Gary: ROAR!!! [knocks SpongeBob off the bed and onto the floor]
- SpongeBob: Okay, Gary, you have my attention.
- Gary: Meow. [ties SpongeBob's shoes]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Gary! Well, I'll be! You can tie shoes! [Gary shows himself wearing shoes that look like old-style bowling shoes, under his shell] Hoppin' clams! How did you learn to do that?
- [Gary's shell opens revealing a record. The song, Loop Dee Loop by Ween starts and SpongeBob starts dancing]
- Ween: ♪Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? [the scene changes to show SpongeBob in a classroom wearing a teacher's outfit and on the chalkboard there are sketches of shoes] It's a very easy thing to do. [Gary appears on a stool. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and taps the board with his pointer] Just sit on down [Patrick appears in the desk next to SpongeBob] and I'll give you the scoop, [Patrick holds out an ice cream cone and SpongeBob gives him a tied shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe. Patrick looks surprised] What's that? [the scene changes to show the words "Loop Dee Loop" in shoelaces and SpongeBob pulls on two of the aglets] It's called the loop-dee-loop. [the scene changes to show SpongeBob's leg with an untied shoe] You gotta take a lace in each hand, [two SpongeBobs hold an aglet in one of each's hands goes up and past the screen. The scene changes again to show the SpongeBobs crossing each other's paths] You go over and under again. [the SpongeBobs come back around under the cross path that they made. The go upward and past the screen. They come back and pass each other's path one more time] You make a loop-dee-loop and [the scene changes to show a small SpongeBob tying the lace of a big SpongeBob's shoe] pull. And your shoes are [the Big SpongeBob is shown wearing a top hat and giant shoes. He takes his hat off and kicks the newly tied shoe. It flies off] lookin' cool. [the scene changes to show a SpongeBob multiplying into multiple SpongeBobs and follows the lyrics] You go over and back, left to right, Loop-dee-loop [the scene changes to show SpongeBob holding his laces while jumping] and you pull 'em tight, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob with a bunny toy] Like bunny ears [a present appears] or a Christmas bow, [the bunny toy becomes a bunny slipper and SpongeBob is seen wearing it and the present as shoes] Lace 'em up and you're ready to go. [SpongeBob runs out of the scene. The scene changes to show SpongeBob jumping off of a tight rope wire swing thing. He stops and spins around and then falls] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob and Gary falling into a giant shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe] And your shoes are lookin' cool. [SpongeBob pulls on the laces and wings appear on both sides of the shoe and the shoe plane takes off. The scene changes to show the plane passing giant tied shoe laces. The shoe plane hits a roller coaster track and the wings fall off and it becomes a roller coaster car] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the shoe falls off of the track and lands on the ground] And your shoes are lookin' cool.♪
- [SpongeBob and Gary pop out of the shoe and the episode ends]
Squid's Day Off [2.1b]
[edit]- French Narrator: Ah, beautiful springtime, a time for fun and frolic for most, [the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, zooming in and then right at the front door. Squidward is there] but not for this poor slob.
- Squidward: Oh, what a beautiful day, and here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. [the bell dings] No one ever comes in on Sunday. [the bell dings again] Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? [the bell dings again. Squidward gets angry and growling into SpongeBob. The scene changes to SpongeBob ringing a bell, set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob] SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell. [picks it up and slams it on the bottom of the order window]
- SpongeBob: I was just testing it.
- Squidward: [leans through the order window getting in SpongeBob's face] I will ring the bell when there's an order. But...There's no customers! There hasn't been one all day, and there isn't gonna be any! [struggles to pick up the cash register, but successfully does so and he slams it down making a bell noise]
- SpongeBob: One Krabby Patty coming up!
- Squidward: No...!
- [The register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' office where Mr. Krabs is writing something on a sheet of paper and he stops to hear the money dropping.]
- Mr. Krabs: That sounds like me money dropping. [the scene changes to show the outside of the office and Squidward is picking up the coins; opens his office door] What's going on out here?! My babies! [runs up to Squidward and shoves him away] Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice clean money... soiled! [scoops up the coins in his claws] I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way! [runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink] No, no, no, don't cry, little ones.
- SpongeBob: What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: [gets startled and throws the dimes in the air. One dime rolls into the sink and starts to roll towards the sink drain] Me dime! [the dime rolls around the sink drain. Just as it seems like it's about to fall down the drain, it flips over facing away from the drain; gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime jumps, winks, and goes down the drain] No! [grabs the dime in the drain] I got it, boy! [tries to take his claw out] What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: You've gotta let go of the dime.
- Mr. Krabs: I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and heave! [SpongeBob pulls on him from behind a couple times until he gets thrown back without his arms] Me arms!
- SpongeBob: Oh no, not again!
- [Mr. Krabs hits the wall, the impact causing the shelf above him to slant and drop a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and a scuba suit on his head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs' head and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to fall over and black out]
- SpongeBob: I can't believe this is really happening. [sits on the cash register box, then starts to tear up] Today, I start living!
- Squidward: [runs, panics after having a dream that the Krusty Krab is on fire, stops running for a split second] Oh, what am I doing? I am wasting valuable relaxing time, that's what I'm doing! I mean, really. What are the odds? SpongeBob set the Krusty Krab on fire!
Episode 2
[edit]Something Smells [2.2a]
[edit]- Patrick: Okay, now... say it. [SpongeBob hesitates] Say it.
- SpongeBob: I can't.
- Patrick: SpongeBob, you're never going to feel better 'til you get this thing off your chest.
- SpongeBob: [has a purple alien-like leech sucking on his chest] I know, Patrick. [pulls it off and throws it aside]
- Patrick: Say it. [SpongeBob still hesitates] Say it...
- SpongeBob: I'm ugly.
- Patrick: You're ugly and what?
- SpongeBob: Square?
- Patrick: No, proud.
- Squidward: Is that what he calls it?
- [As we cut back to the pineapple rooftop]
- SpongeBob: [breathing heavily] That felt great! I feel empowered!
- Patrick: So whaddya wanna do now?
- SpongeBob: I don't know. How about a movie?
- SpongeBob: Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you.
- Fred: Not at all boy. [He sniffs SpongeBob's bad breath and makes a hilarious disgusted face expression.] Deuueaugh!!!! [runs away]
- SpongeBob: They all ran away, Patrick.
- Patrick: I bet there's no line at the snack bar. [cuts to the snack bar] Hello? Hello? They must be on break.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, is everything okay in here? [hears Patrick sobbing and opens a stall door, then sees him sitting on the toilet with a bag over his head] What are you doing in there, Patrick?
- Patrick: [resentfully] Wouldn't you like to know?
- SpongeBob: And why is that bag on your head?
- Patrick: [sarcastically] Why? Oh, no reason. [angrily] Except you gave me the ugly! [whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps as he walks out] What am I gonna do?! I can't go out looking like this!
- SpongeBob: Just remember what we talked about; there's power in pride.
- Patrick: That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! [his breath reaches SpongeBob, who smells it and makes a disgusted face] I'm almost as ugly as you!
- Patrick: I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don't know what I'd do.
- SpongeBob: Patrick...?
- Patrick: What's my mom gonna say?
- SpongeBob: [holding his nose] Patrick?
- Patrick: Oh, my gosh, if my sister finds out...
- SpongeBob: Patrick?
- Patrick: ...wait, I don't have a sister. If the bank...
- SpongeBob: Patrick?
- Patrick: I mean it's one thing if you have bad shoes or even bad hair, but-
- SpongeBob: [having had enough, he enlarges to stop Patrick's babbling] PATRICK! [shrinks back to normal] You're not ugly, your breath stinks. Really bad.
- Patrick: [sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of skull and crossbones] Ah, what a relief...
- SpongeBob: [his eyes water from the foul smell] Ugh, barnacles, Patrick! What did you eat?!
- Patrick: Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
- SpongeBob: [holding his nose] No, I mean just this morning.
- Patrick: Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...
- SpongeBob: What else?
- Patrick: Well, I had some of your sundae.
- SpongeBob: [realizing] Sundae... [whips out what's left of it] Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
- Patrick: Whatcha mean?
- SpongeBob: [coughs] I mean, we're not ugly! We just stink!
Bossy Boots [2.2b]
[edit]- Pearl: SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
- Squidward: For what, dare I ask?
- Pearl: The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.
- Squidward: Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
- Pearl: How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]
- SpongeBob: [dressed as a king] The King Krab.
- Pearl: [holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.
- SpongeBob: [dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!
- Pearl: [gasps] No!
- SpongeBob: You're right, too scary.
- [Pause]
- SpongeBob and Pearl: The Kuddly Krab! [they both hug and laugh]
- [A rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad in fact that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. The female fish and Fred drive by in a car]
- Female Fish: It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
- Fred: That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
- Squidward: THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs] Oops.
Episode 3
[edit]Big Pink Loser [2.3a]
[edit]- [Patrick showing SpongeBob his award]
- SpongeBob: [reading award caption] "For outstanding achievement in achievement" - 'SpongeBob SquarePants'?
- Patrick: "SpongeBob SquarePants"? That's a funny way to spell my name.
- SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, I think the award is for me. You must have got it by mistake.
- Patrick: [sadly] But, it's shiny!
- SpongeBob: Yeah, but, you know what else is shiny?
- Patrick: Ice cream!
- SpongeBob: Exactly!
- Patrick: I can find it! Is it in here?
- SpongeBob: No, don't! That's my---- [Patrick opens the door and an enormous pile of trophies tumble out] award closet.
- Patrick: [tearing up] I want an award!
- SpongeBob: [pops up with prized ribbons on his eyes] Aw, Patrick, don't cry.
- [Patrick cries]
- [The phone rings and Patrick picks up the receiver]
- Male Caller 1: [on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
- Patrick: No, this is Patrick. [hangs up and whistles; the phone rings again and picks it up again]
- Female Caller: [on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
- Patrick: [annoyed] No, this is Patrick. [hangs up again and continues to whistle; the phone rings and he picks it up again]
- Male Caller 2: [on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?
- Patrick: NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!! [slams phone back onto hook] I'm not a Krusty Krab.
- SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
- Patrick: Huh? FISHPASTE!
- Patrick: I'm never going to get an award now.
- SpongeBob: Don't give up, Patrick! This time I got something I know you can do. We're going to open a jar. [takes the lid off the jar] Easy! Now you try. First, get a jar.
- [Patrick grabs a pickle]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, that's a pickle.
- Patrick Yes.
- SpongeBob: You need a jar. [Patrick holds up a spatula] No. [Patrick takes off his shorts] No. [Patrick picks up SpongeBob] No. Try this. [gives Patrick a jar]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [are at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads] Whew!
- SpongeBob: [drops his spatula; laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]
- Patrick: Uh, me too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]
- [SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]
- Patrick: Owwww!
- SpongeBob: Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!
- Patrick: Yes.
- SpongeBob: Why are you doing that?
- Patrick: So I can win an award like you.
- SpongeBob: Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
- Patrick: Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]
- SpongeBob: Say, you're good.
- Patrick: Thanks.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to "Mary had a Little Lamb"] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]
- SpongeBob: [in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
- Patrick: [in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Aaaggghhh!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick then run out of the Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob: Stop copying me!
- Patrick: There's no award for that!
- Squidward: [leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]
- SpongeBob: [he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?
- Patrick: Until I have as many awards as you.
- SpongeBob: We'll see about that!
- Patrick: No, we won't.
- SpongeBob: [takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.
- Patrick: Me too. [takes out a jump-rope]
- SpongeBob: Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]
- Patrick: Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]
- SpongeBob: Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?
- Patrick: Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you. ''[SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice. Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head] My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]
- Patrick: What's so great about being a big pink loser?
Bubble Buddy [2.3b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Stick buddy! [the stick falls over] Nah. Rock buddy! Nope. Sink buddy! [a drip of water comes out of the sink] Almost.
- Squidward: Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival style! And if there is anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask.
- Francis: He kept us waiting for a bubble?
- Larry: That's nothing! He called us fat! [begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]
- Pearl: [crying as she shows her clean flipper] He washed my flipper!
- Mr. Krabs: [storming up] He owes me money!
- Squidward: [following Mr. Krabs] He made me provide excellent service!
- Scooter: [appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes! He made me experience high tide! [floats up towards the surface while laughing]
- Tom: He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!
- Protesters: He did?
- Tom: No...But are we just gonna wait around until he does?
- Mr. Krabs: I say we tip somethin' over!
- [All yelling, everyone tips the lifeguard stand]
- Lifeguard: Hey!
- [The stand crashes to the ground]
- Protester: Now what?
- Protesters: Get the lifeguard! [they go to the lifeguard]
- Squidward: [stops them] Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! [holds up a needle] Who's with me?!
- Protesters: Pop the bubble! [hold up needles]
Episode 4
[edit]Dying for Pie [2.4a]
[edit]- Mr. Krabs: So, are you ready?
- Squidward: To go home?
- Mr. Krabs: No, to exchange gifts for Employee Brotherhood Day.
- Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you pay me to stand behind this register, and take orders, and give change. But you could never pay me enough to act brotherly towards that guy. [points to SpongeBob]
- Squidward: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!
- SpongeBob: Well, since we finished everything on the list, I thought I'd make up a new one. [holds up a book that says "Friends 4 Ever"] I already filled up this book of ideas! We should be able to finish by January.
- Squidward: FORGET THE BOOK! [slaps the book away] I spent the whole day with you, doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to EXPLODE!
- SpongeBob:You want me to explode?
- Squidward: Yes, that's what I've been waiting for!
- SpongeBob: Um... okay, I'll try. [strains himself] GARY! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT! [laughs] Now it's your turn.
- Squidward: [yells, hops up and down furiously] THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BARNACLEHEAD!
- SpongeBob: [claps] Ooh, good one.
- Squidward: NO! You're supposed to explode into a million pieces! [flaps his arms]
- SpongeBob: Why would I do that?
- Squidward: Because the pie you ate was a bomb!
- SpongeBob: What pie?
- Squidward: The one I left sitting on the counter this morning that I bought from pirates for 25 bucks, and I didn't know it was a bomb, and you ate it, th... that pie!
- SpongeBob: Pie...? [realizes; takes out the exploding pie from before] Oh! You mean this pie! [Squidward is shocked] I was saving it in my pocket for us to share. Let's eat! [walks forward and trips on a rock] Oops! [the pie flies into Squidward's face in slow-motion, causing an explosion in Bikini Bottom the size of an atomic bomb]
- Squidward: [the town is now decimated] Ouch. [fade to black, episode ends]
Imitation Krabs [2.4b]
[edit]- Plankton: You can't do this to me, Krabs. [Mr. Krabs blows Plankton back to the Chum Bucket] I went to college! [crashes into his restaurant] Ouch.
- Robot Krabs: Okay, now let's hear that formula.
- SpongeBob: Sorry, no can do, Mr. Krabs.
- Robot Krabs: [his eyes are now on fire] Whaaaaaaaat???
- Plankton: [cut to inside of robot] But we did everything you said - I followed all the rules! I even ate 105 black licorice jellybeans through a straw! [holds up a straw]
- Robot Krabs: Now why can't you tell me the formula?
- SpongeBob: It's your rule: never speak the formula. You told me to keep it in [holds up a bottle with the secret formula in it] ...this bottle. [Robot Krabs' eyes open widely with a "ding!" sound effect]
- Plankton: [inside the robot] This is it, Plankton. [pushes a lever] Gently now... [continues to push the lever, getting overly excited as he gets closer. The penny that Mr. Krabs was chasing earlier rolls under the door, then Mr. Krabs rushes in, and he gasps, including SpongeBob and the guy on the penny]
- Robot Krabs: Gasp!
- Mr. Krabs: How could you do this, SpongeBob? Givin' me secret formuler to this...imposter?!
- Robot Krabs: Don't listen to him, SpongeBob. Remember: ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuloli.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, no! Don't listen to him! I'm the real Mr. Krabs!
- Robot Krabs: Don't listen to him. He's obviously a robot. [exhaust pipe smokes]
- Mr. Krabs: Well, if I was a robot, which I'm not, at least I'm well-put together, not some rusted-out, steam-driven pile of junk!
- Robot Krabs: Who are you callin' steam-driven...?
- SpongeBob: [yelling in frustration] Quiet! Until I know who the real Mr. Krabs is, nobody moves, [holds a hose attached to a tartar sauce machine] nobody gets hurt.
- Mr. Krabs and Robot Krabs: Tartar sauce?!
- Mr. Krabs: Take it easy with that thing, son. Ahh!
- SpongeBob: [squirts some tartar sauce, causing Mr. Krabs to jump into robot Krabs' arms] I'll do the talkin' around here. I think I'll ask you two a couple of questions; questions only the real Mr. Krabs could answer.
- Mr. Krabs: [smiles while Robot Krabs looks worried] Okay, then.
- SpongeBob: First question: what time does the Krusty Krab open?
- Robot Krabs: [beats Mr. Krabs to it] 9:30 A.M.
- SpongeBob: Right. [to Mr. Krabs] That's one strike, Mr. Fake.
- Mr. Krabs: But-
- SpongeBob: Nuh-uh-uh! I'm runnin' this quiz show, I'll ask the questions. If there's gonna be any 'buts', they're gonna be from me. [while rubbing the hose nozzle] Okay, now, question two: how much does a Krabby Patty cost?
- Mr. Krabs: $2.99!
- SpongeBob: On Wednesday...
- Robot Krabs: 99 cents.
- SpongeBob: Right again! [to Mr. Krabs] You're starting to look pretty phony right about now. I'd be nervous if I were you. Now, only the really real Mr. Krabs could answer this - if we're discussing the secret formula on the third Wednesday in January and it's not raining outside after we've gargled with vanilla pudding, what do we do?
- Mr. Krabs: That's an easy one. You just...just.. let's see...if it's...uh...if it's January...with...with vanilla pudding...you...uh...pass? [gets shot with tartar sauce]
Episode 5
[edit]Wormy [2.5a]
[edit]- Mr. Krabs: What's the meaning of this, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: We're in serious danger! There's a-a-a...a monster out there.
- Mr. Krabs: Is it a paying customer?
- SpongeBob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs. It doesn't want to eat Krabby Patties. It wants to eat you!
- Patrick: [crying] Just like it ate Wormy!
- Squidward: Um, Wormy? [SpongeBob and Patrick cry]
- SpongeBob: Why?! Why?! He was so young!
- Patrick: We’ll never forget you, Wormy!
- Squidward: Well, if Moron Theater's over, I think I'll just take a look at this "monster."
Patty Hype [2.5b]
[edit]- Mr. Krabs: Great Barrier Reef! That patty's spoiled!
- SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, are you angry too?
- Patrick: Yeah.
- SpongeBob: What's the matter?
- Patrick: I can't see my forehead. What's your problem?
- SpongeBob: I got a good idea, and no one else thinks so!
- Mr. Krabs: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready... for me money. [the crowd gathers around him] Welcome to Pretty Patties. May I take your money?
- Female Fish: We want a refund, Krabs! [crowd form a mob while yelling and protesting in agreement]
- Mr. Krabs: Who, huh, what?
- Gus: Your dumb Pretty Patties turned my face purple! [shows his purple face]
- Scottish Man: Look what I got under me kilt! [raises his kilt to reveal a plaid body, and white underwear]
- Grease Fish, Female Fish & Frank: And look at our tongues!
- [They show Mr. Krabs their respective tongues. They each show a yellow tongue, an orange tongue with green spots, and a tongue that just looks normal]
- Mr. Krabs: What's wrong with you?
- Frank: [turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark green] We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. [turns the light back on, but Mr. Krabs is gone]
- Harold: Hey, where'd he go?
- [Mr. Krabs screams and runs, and the crowd chasing him makes a rainbow road]
Episode 6
[edit]Grandma's Kisses [2.6a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: You're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your grandma!
- Charlie: No. Especially if you're a BIG BABY who wears DIAPERS! [group laughs] And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and, um... wears pajamas with feet in 'em, and carries his, um... blankie around, and uh...
- Group: [annoyed] ALL RIGHT ALREADY!
- Squidward: Cheer up, SpongeBob. I know someone who still likes you.
- SpongeBob: Really? You do, Squidward?
- Squidward: Yeah, your grandma!
- Patrick: You know how grandmas are, they love babies. You just can't act like a baby around her.
- SpongeBob: You're right, Patrick.
- Patrick: Have I ever not been right? [The scene cuts to a picture of SpongeBob on a giant red firecracker, a picture of SpongeBob with a giant funnel in his mouth while Patrick holds a giant pumpkin, and a picture of SpongeBob and Patrick in black speedos while a wolf whistle is heard in the background] You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you starting acting like one.
- SpongeBob: Yeah! Oh, but I'm not sure I know how.
- Patrick: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest. [SpongeBob obediently puffs out his chest] And say 'tax exemption'.
- SpongeBob: Tax exemption.
- Patrick: Now you must acquire a taste for free-form jazz.
- ["Pressure Point" by Duncan Lamont plays, with SpongeBob and Patrick having serious expressions on their faces while listening]
- Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob, you're ready!
- Grandma: I'll bet you'd fancy a nap, huh, Patrick? [Patrick yawns] You still here, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Uh, I don't need to leave yet. I can be late for work.
- Grandma: [puts a blanket over Patrick as he lays on the couch] No, no, no, that wouldn't be the adult thing to do.
- SpongeBob: Alright, I guess I'll be going. I've, uh, got a lot of adult-type business to take care of, so, I'll see ya later.
- Grandma: Okay, thanks for stopping by, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: Yep, that is it. Here I go.
- Grandma: Come again if you get the chance.
- SpongeBob: [opens the door] Out into the cold, grown-up world alone without a sweater.
- Grandma: Toodleloo.
- SpongeBob: I don't know when I'll be back.
- Grandma: I know how busy you are.
- SpongeBob: So, that's it. [Patrick is sleeping]
- Grandma: Shh, he's asleep.
- SpongeBob: So long... [SpongeBob slowly closes the door of grandma's house, but then slams it with a sad look on his face. He starts throwing a tantrum] I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! I want cookies! [holds a big cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face] And milky! [holds a giant milk bottle, then comes up with a sweater] I want a sweater with love in the stitches! I wanna wear diapers! [comes up with a diaper on and puts some baby powder into it] I wanna ride in my wagon! [rides in a wagon, then holds a big teddy bear] I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! I wanna rockey-rock my seahorsey! [rocks on his wooden seahorse with a hat and a lollipop] And I want a kissy on my boo-boo! [shows his bruised finger. He starts crying hysterically. He lies on the floor and cries while slamming his fists against the ground and then rolls like a wheel. Grandma looks at him sadly. SpongeBob then sits on the floor as his eyes pour tears into his mouth. Grandma thinks for a second. SpongeBob then starts crying like a sprinkler, flooding the entire house]
- Grandma: Take it easy, SpongeBob! [picks up SpongeBob, who is still crying] SpongeBob? SpongeBob! [she holds SpongeBob's mouth, stopping him from crying] SpongeBob, you don't have to be a baby to get all of Grandma's love.
- SpongeBob: [sniffs] I don't?
- Grandma: Of course not. [pushes a cork in the floor and all SpongeBob's tears drain out] No matter how big you get, you will always be my little baby boo, and remember, you can kiss your grandma and still be an adult. [hands SpongeBob his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie] Here you go. [SpongeBob puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]
- SpongeBob: Thanks, Grandma. [bites the cookie] Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Krusty Krab?
- Grandma: No problem. [hugs SpongeBob. Outside, Squidward and everyone else are laughing as the episode ends]
Squidville [2.6b]
[edit]- Squidward: [in a state of tranquil fury] SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... [a piece of debris from his house falls on his head] I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest 4-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than continue living where I do now.
- [A TV falls on the ground and turns on. On the television is an octopus, who looks like Squidward, but with a hair piece. He is in a suit and stands in front of a rainbow.]
- Announcer: Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest three-way?
- Squidward: Four-way.
- Announcer: Four-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to...
- Patrick: [suddenly changes the channel to a static screen] I hate this channel.
- Squidward: No! No! [changes it back]
- Announcer: ...Tentacle Acres. Where happiness is just a suction cup away. [puts his tentacles together and pops them. The pops echo]
- [at the gated borders of Tentacle Acres]
- SpongeBob: Here it is, Patrick. Now we've just got to convince Squidward to come back home. You got our apology cake?
- [Patrick picks up a cake that reads, 'Sorry.' He puts it back in his pants, revealing a giant cake-shaped bulge in them]
- SpongeBob: We're ready!
- Patrick: Ying. [SpongeBob pushes the button on the intercom]
- Guard: Hello, can I help you?
- Patrick: [thinking it's a restaurant intercom] Can I get a large #1, extra size?
- SpongeBob: But ya just ate three orders of fried oyster skins!
- Patrick: [unleashing a noxious gas cloud as he says this] I love fried oyster skins.
- [cut to inside the control room, where the guard sees SpongeBob and Patrick on one of his monitors]
- Guard: We're sorry, but your kind isn't allowed here. [a security guard walks up next to him] He's not leaving, Orville. You got your night stick ready? [the two smell Patrick's breath cloud as it wafts in through the speaker] FRIED OYSTER SKINS?! Ooooohhhhh... [the two collapse, the first guard falling on a button opening the gate]
- Patrick: I guess we gotta order inside.
- [Meanwhile, a group of octopuses are angrily chasing after a happy-go-lucky Squidward. He sucks the noses off of three houses whilst running by. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking by when they see Squidward run past them.]
- SpongeBob: Hey! That looked like Squidward! [the mob runs past them] That looked like Squidward also, in angry mob form! [Squidward has approached a dead end]
- Policeman: Hold it right there, Mr. Tentacles!
- Squidward: Stand back! I've got gardening tools! [the policeman hands him an envelope]
- Policeman: Here! Just read this! [Squidward looks at it]
- Squidward: What is it?
- Policeman: A well thought out and organized list of complaints! [the mob shouts out in agreement. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, look! It's Squidward! [he runs up to the octopus and hugs him, but he's a different octopus with eyebrows and mustache, and a shirt like Squidward's] Squidward! We finally found you! [the octopus pushes SpongeBob off him]
- Male Octopus: Get off me, and I'm not Squidward! [pause]
- Patrick: Are you Squidward now?
- Squidward: Grievances?! This town is a grievance! There should be a law against so many stuck-up tightwads living in one place! This city needs to be destroyed! [pause] Or at least painted a different color.
- Policeman: F.Y.I., you don't have to live here, you know. [Squidward, and the crowd, smile]
- Squidward: Hey, you're right! [the crowd members' smiles fade] And I'm leaving A.S.A.P.! [meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to find Squidward]
- SpongeBob: Are you Squidward?
- Male Octopus: No. [he walks up to the croquet woman]
- SpongeBob: Are you Squidward?
- Squidette: No. [Patrick talks to a fire hydrant]
- Patrick: Are you Squidward? [pause] That's okay, take your time. [SpongeBob walks up to him]
- SpongeBob: Any one of these Squidwards can be the real Squidward, Patrick! [the town rumbles as Squidward rockets the leaf blower out of Tentacle Acres and laughs maniacally. The octopuses smile]
- Squidward: Freedom! Woo-hoo! [SpongeBob and Patrick watch him fly over the horizon]
- SpongeBob: Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't that guy. [the episode ends]
Episode 7
[edit]Prehibernation Week [2.7a]
[edit][The episode starts with Sandy in her treedome, who is raking leaves while humming] Sandy: There we go! [rakes a pile of leaves in the shape of Texas] SpongeBob, I got all the leaves ra... [steps on piles of leaves still on the ground ] SpongeBob, what are all these leaves doing here? You said you were going to rake them! SpongeBob: [peeks his head out of a pile of leaves he is in] I am raking the leaves. Sandy: But they're still all over the ground! SpongeBob: Sandy, I can't rake any faster. [picks up a leaf and starts scraping it with a tiny rake] These are big leaves. [leaf breaks into more pieces] And they keep breaking into more leaves. Sandy: [pushes him away and rakes them herself] Then go scrape the salt lick or somethin'! We got to get this stuff done before it's too late! SpongeBob: What's the big rush anyway, Sandy? Sandy: [hanging laundry] I told ya, SpongeBob... [scrubs the birdbath with a toothbrush] I'm hibernating next week. SpongeBob: Hibernating? What's that? Sandy: [painting the fence] It's when I go to sleep for the whole winter. SpongeBob: Can I do that? Sandy: [chuckles] No, silly. It's a mammalian thing. [paints over SpongeBob's helmet] SpongeBob: Sandy, you may not have noticed, but I is 100% ma-mmal. Sandy: [cleaning her exercise wheel] Enough chitter-chatter, SpongeBob. We don't have much time left! SpongeBob: Why, Sandy? When does your... "carburation" begin? [Sandy jumps down, pulling down a giant calendar with a giant x on the 8th] Sandy: In one week! SpongeBob: But Sandy, that only gives us 1, 2, 3... [gasps] 168 more hours of playtime! Sandy: You're telling me. And there's still so much stuff to do! We gotta climb some things! SpongeBob: Climb! Sandy: We gotta jump off of stuff! SpongeBob: Jump! Sandy: We gotta ride! SpongeBob: Ride! Sandy: I don't wanna go to sleep yet! SpongeBob: Wait, Sandy! [Sandy begins to cry] Sandy: I can't burn carbs in my sleep! SpongeBob: Sandy? Sandy: What?! SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm willing to sacrifice any of my time that I haven't already sold to Mr. Krabs to you. [Pantera playing] Sandy: Well, I'm glad, SpongeBob, 'cause for the next seven days, it's gonna be you, me, and these sweatbands! [holds them up. Cut to the giant sand mountains area. Sandy is riding a giant clam shell smashing through a sign] Yee-ha! [sliding down the mountain so fast she is now on fire, heating the sand to a trail of glass. She zooms past a fish with a backpack on his back. When she goes past him, he drops to the ground and rolls around because he is on fire. She then streaks past a man and a woman skiing. The woman now wears a jogging outfit and the man is now wearing kids' clothing, riding a tricycle, and holding a lollipop and a paddleball. The woman looks at him] Unnamed Fish #1: Uh... I can explain. [Sandy flips in mid-air, still on fire] Sandy: I'm hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage! Woo-hoo! [Cut to SpongeBob wearing green head gear. He discards his shell board and glides down the mountain on his tongue. Cut to two kids, building a sandman] Girl: Maybe, if we sing that song, he'll come to life. Billy: Ready? Both: [singing] Oh, there once was a sandman... [SpongeBob rides into the sandman. a musical note pops up] SpongeBob: Life's as extreme as you want to make it! [jumps off the mountain] Whoo! Girl: Maybe we didn't sing it right. [SpongeBob is flying toward the ground. When he hits it, two bones are sticking out] SpongeBob: Yeah. [cut to Sandy and SpongeBob standing outside Sandy's treedome] Whew, what a workout. [pulls out his right arm and shows its damages] I'm going to be feeling this tomorrow. [his arm falls to the ground] Ow. Sandy: I got to say, I'm impressed with you, SpongeBob. You're making this the best prehibernation week ever. SpongeBob: Well, I'd better get home before Gary chews up the sofa again. [sighs as he lifts up his left leg and moves it alternately with the other over to his house. Later, it's nighttime and he is finally crawling into bed] Good night, Gary. [falls asleep. Then Sandy pushes a button which launches SpongeBob out of his bed and into a lake. SpongeBob is now a block of ice. Sandy jumps in and becomes a block of ice] Sandy: Nothing like a refreshing morning dip, huh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: [shivering] W-what h-happened to s-sleeping? [Sandy pulls down a calendar] Sandy: I'll be asleep all winter! We only got three days for fun. [swims away] Well, hurry now! The giant clams like to feed at this hour! [cut to SpongeBob lifting a bowling ball into a tube. Sandy blows her whistle giving the signal and SpongeBob runs to the end and picks up a few jacks before the bowling ball hits him on his head. Sandy does the same thing but the bowling ball cracks her helmet] Isn't this great? SpongeBob: Yeah! I've never played extreme jacks before! [cut to Sandy and SpongeBob with giant q-tips] Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob, this one's going to be fun. We just whack each other with these giant ear cleaners 'til one of us falls off. [lifts hers up] On your mark... get set... SpongeBob: Sandy, are you sure we're supposed to be standing up here? Sandy: Go! [hits SpongeBob off the Sea Needle. SpongeBob lands on a fire hydrant. Sandy rides up on a two-seated bike] Come on, SpongeBob. We're goin' for a tandem ride through the park! SpongeBob: Gee, that sounds safe! I mean, fun. [gets up but leaves a piece of himself on the fire hydrant. He jumps on the bike] Okay, I'm ready! I thought you said we were riding through the park, Sandy! Sandy: I did, SpongeBob, the industrial park! [they ride into a giant factory] This is where the real action is! [Sandy pedals on barbed wire] This part gets pretty technical! Yee-haw! Now for the speed course. Hold on! [they ride through a conveyor belt with a giant crunching mouth at the end] I hope we make it! [bike begins to fall to the ground fast. SpongeBob screams] I'm havin' fun, too! [as they hit the ground, SpongeBob melts into a puddle. Sandy tosses a fishing rod on him] Wake up, slowpoke. [scene scrolls over to show a plane] We're going fly-fishing. [rimshot] SpongeBob: [thinking] This squirrel's trying to kill me! Any more of these stunts and I'll be reduced to a puddle! [sees his shoe floating] Wait a minute, I've got to talk my way out of this! Sandy, I think I need to tell you something. Sandy: What is it? SpongeBob: Well, it's just that I'm feeling sort of... [his mouth melts away from his eyes. He pulls it back up] I just feel like maybe I need to... [his mouth melts away again. Sandy puts her hand over his mouth] Sandy: Hold that thought, SpongeBob! 'Cause it's time for a down-home favorite! [holds up a piece of hay. Pantera plays again] Find the hay in the needle stack! [throws it in a giant pile of needles] SpongeBob: [bites his fingers in fear. Cut to inside the needle pile where SpongeBob is saying "ow" as he gets pricked by the needles. One needle pricks his nose, causing it to deflate like a balloon. Deep voice] Ouch... Sandy: Did you find it? SpongeBob: Not yet. Sandy: Well I'm going to look over here! SpongeBob: You do that. [SpongeBob digs a hole underground then emerges] Sandy: Found it, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob runs away] Come on! Best two out of three! SpongeBob: Gotta hide! Uh... gotta hide! [looks at his house] Home? No. Gary can't keep a secret. [looks at Patrick's rock] Under a rock? It's so original! [as he jumps for the rock, his pants get stuck on a small coral bush] Sandy: SpongeBob?! [SpongeBob struggles to get free and eventually does, but leaves his pants stuck on the plant] SpongeBob? [walks up to SpongeBob's pants] Where are you, little square dude? [gasps] SpongeBob's tie! And all his other little dressin's! But... but... he always folds his clothes before runnin' around... [in an odd face expression] in the nude! Somethin' terrible must have happened to him! [goes to the Krusty Krab] Alright, listen up, y'all! I'm rounding up a search party! SpongeBob's gone missing! [Squidward smiles at Mr. Krabs, thinking that Mr. Krabs will not look for SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs gives Squidward an angry look] Mr. Krabs: Man the lifeboats! [Squidward frowns because they will search for SpongeBob] Sandy: Alpha Team, you search uptown, Gold Team searches downtown. Any questions? Frank: Gold Team rules! Sandy: Now get movin'! [crowd yelling] [Fred put a Lost poster with a picture of SpongeBob] SpongeBob? [Cuts to Sandy and the search party] Someone look up there! [Sandy pops out of a sewer] Put your dorsal fins into it! [cut to searching in the sulfur fields] Come on! He could be anywhere in these sulfur fields! [Incidental 31 looks in a spout] Clayton : Hey, SpongeBob! [a blast of sulfur hits him in the face] Well, at least I still have my personality. Sandy: Check in this here moist cave! [Old Man Jenkins, Nathaniel, and Scooter walk in shouting for SpongeBob, then run out screaming, realizing the cave is actually a three-eyed sea elephant] Sandy: Status report! Phil: [covered in Poison Sea Urchins] He's not at the Poison Sea Urchin cove. Sandy: Well, look again! Vera: [covered in leeches] He's not at the leech farm. Sandy: Well, look again! Squidward: He's not in my thoughts. Sandy: Well, think again! [cut to Sandy talking into a megaphone] Attention, Bikini Bottom, the time has come to double, no, triple our efforts! Squidward: How about a break?! We've been at it for days! Debbie: Think about the children! Sandy: That's a good idea! Use the children to crawl into small places you couldn't normally reach. Dave: [whispering to Norma] This is a load of barnacles. Sandy: I heard that! No one's going anywhere until we find SpongeBob! Frank: Uh... uh, wait! [picks up Francis] Uh, here he is! Sandy: That ain't SpongeBob! SpongeBob is square! [Frank squishes and stretches Francis into a square.] Francis: [in a poor imitation of SpongeBob] I'm ready! I'm ready! Sandy: No, you ain't! [Clay holds up a box of Kelp-O] Clay: I found SquareBob! Sandy: That's just a cereal box. Besides, he's yellow. Charlie: [holds up a banana] Uh... here he is! Hey, can I go home now? [Sandy becomes annoyed] Tina: [points up] Oh, look! He's up in the sky! [Sandy happily opens her mouth and looks up, but SpongeBob's not in the sky] Sandy: Well, he's not... huh? [everyone is gone] They must have gone to search some more. [they hide under Patrick's rock, with their eyeballs peeking out from the bottom, and a cough is heard, Sandy continues searching for SpongeBob] SpongeBob! Where are you?! [lifts up a house] You under there?! [lifts up another house] Nope! [lifts up another house where the unnamed fish from before is at] Skier: Uh, I can explain. Sandy: [lifts up another house] SpongeBob? [lifts up another house] Nope! [lifts up another house] Nope! [lifts up another house] Nope! SpongeBob! Where are you?! Man: [everyone is looking at Sandy] That squirrel's gone crazy. Woman: But she'll never look under a rock. SpongeBob: [laughs] You said it! Sandy'll never find us! [everyone glares at SpongeBob. He chuckles nervously, and they throw him out] Hey, wait, you don't understand! Squidward: [pops out from under the rock] Oh, look, it is I, SpongeBob, out here in the open! [Sandy turns around] Sandy: SpongeBob? SpongeBob: [screams in horror] Aah! C'mon, let me back in! You don't understand! [Sandy hugs him while everyone cheers] Sandy: Oh, SpongeBob, I was so worried! I thought something terrible happened! [grabs his arm] Come on, there's just enough time to go atom smashing! [runs but SpongeBob is not moving] SpongeBob: Sandy, wait! Sandy: There's no time to wait! Hibernation! [pulls on SpongeBob's arm] SpongeBob: Sandy, you've got to make time! This is important! [Sandy lets go of his arm] I... am a man! [holds up a razor] Okay, Sandy, I... I... I... I can't play with you anymore! I just can't take the games! They're... tearing me apart! [rips off his nose and throws it on the ground, then holds onto Sandy's legs crying] There, I said it! Now just promise we can still be friends! Please, Sandy, this isn't easy! I-- [notices Sandy has fallen asleep] Sandy? [chuckles a little] I never thought I'd say it, but thank Neptune for hibernation! [laughs and joins Sandy in her winter slumber, resting his head on her foot in the process] Patrick: [returning home with groceries and an ice cream] Who are you people?
Life of Crime [2.7b]
[edit]- Patrick: I wanna go home.
- SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat; We're wanted men. We'll spend the rest of our lives running. Running, but at least it's warmer on the fire.
- Patrick: Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a- [The fire dissolves] I'm scared, SpongeBob.
- Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob. I think I'll eat it now! [takes a big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, finishes the rest, then sighs and wipes his face] I think I'll eat it now. [bites his hand accidentally] Ow! Huh? Where'd my candy bar go? I must have dropped it.
- SpongeBob: You just ate it, Pat. It's all over your face.
- Patrick: [still looking] Where'd it go? I'm gonna starve. Where'd it go? I can't find it! Where could it possibly be? [looks at SpongeBob] A-ha!
- SpongeBob: What?
- Patrick: [angrily confronts SpongeBob] You stole my candy bar!
- SpongeBob: No, I didn't.
- Patrick: Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief.
- SpongeBob: You ate yours, this is mine.
- Patrick: You took my only food! [feels his stomach] Now I'm gonna starve!
- SpongeBob: [hands Patrick his candy bar] Here, Patrick, just take half of mine.
- Patrick: [ticked off] Yours?! You mean mine!
- SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?!
- Patrick: [furiously grabs SpongeBob by the shirt] I don't want it unless you admit you took it!
- SpongeBob: This is my candy bar!
- Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire.
- SpongeBob: It's "pants on fire," Patrick.
- Patrick: [furiously crosses his arms and angrily pouts] Well, you would know... liar.
- SpongeBob: Well, if you're going to be that way, I'll eat it myself!
- Patrick: [getting ticked off, fiercely gives SpongeBob a warning] You better not. I'm warning you! Don't! [High-pitched yelling] Stop it! Don't! [enraged] Ah! [covers his ears] Ah! [screaming and shaking his head, pulls his hair while screaming]
- SpongeBob: [rips open the wrapper] Aaah... [opens his mouth wide and takes the candy bar closer to his mouth, swaying his tongue up and down, chomps lightly on the bar, puts the bar in his wide open mouth; his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making strings of chocolate, puts the bar through his head and moves it left to right, licks the candy bar, slowly pushes the candy bar into his mouth and starts chewing]
- Patrick: [turns red in anger] You're a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!
- SpongeBob: [enraged] Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!
- Patrick: [angrily stomp his foot down] Oh! That's it! First the balloon, now my candy bar... you're out of control! I'm... [menacingly threatens] I'm telling on you.
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Not if I tell on you first!
- Blue Officer: If ya can't do the time, don't do the crime.
- [They slam the jail door on SpongeBob and Patrick; two seconds later...]
- Blue Officer: Okay, time's up. [reopens the cell] Now get out!
- SpongeBob: But... we stole a balloon.
- Blue Officer: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day!
- [The officers laugh as SpongeBob and Patrick stare surprised.]
- Orange Officer: How about some lollipops for the road, boys? [gives 2 lollipops]
- SpongeBob: Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.
- Patrick: You said it! [the two cross their lollipops, but Patrick's is already eaten] All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop?
- [They laugh; cuts to the island at night]
- Patrick: ...I mean it.
Christmas Who? [2.8]
[edit]- Patchy: [looking at the window] Three bells! We know what three bells mean...
- Kids: [offset] Free ice cream!
- Patchy: [laughs] No, you silly livers! No!
- Patchy: This letter comes to us from --
- Realistic Fish Head: Name and address withheld.
- Patchy: And he writes: "Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."
- Realistic Fish Head: Name and address withheld.
- Patchy: A very good question. But you know, they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
- Potty: [squawks] They didn't?
- Patchy: No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain!
- [Patchy cuts Potty's strings, and he falls to the ground; the operator falls as well.]
- Squidward: I can't believe anyone would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.
- Patrick: Like a genie!
- Squidward: Aww, our first Christmas. ♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas! The first Christmas is this Christmas! [donkey appears on screen making noises] Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me!♪ [laughs at SpongeBob and hits his butt over and over again]
- SpongeBob: You were right, Squidward. This was a stupid holiday. [cries; takes out a present] I still want you to have this.
- Squidward: [stops hitting his butt] What? What's this?
- SpongeBob: A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when... [lifts his inelegant blubbering head up] Santa came! [cries some more]
- Squidward: Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
- SpongeBob: You're welcome. [sadly walks off and cries]
- Squidward: SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby Patty, or... [imitates a hillbilly] his favorite underpants. Haha. Present. [opens the present] Why, it looks like a clarinet. [smells it] It smells like one, too. Handcrafted out of driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. [finds a button that says "push"] What's this? [pushes the button and three wooden Squidwards with clarinets come out and bob up and down] Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. [sniffles] Oh, I feel like a... [donkey appears on screen and makes noises] big jerk!
- [last lines]
- French Narrator: Well, it looks like Patchy's really busy at the moment, so I'll say it to him. Good night and happy holidays.
Episode 9
[edit]Survival of the Idiots [2.9a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: [as Dirty Dan; in a southern voice] Alright Pinhead, your time is up.
- Patrick: [as Pinhead Larry; with a look that seems to resemble Zippy the Pinhead] Who you calling Pinhead? I wanna be Dirty Dan!
- SpongeBob: What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?
- Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan! [SpongeBob hits him with a baseball bat made of snow]
- SpongeBob: I say I'm Dirty Dan.
- Patrick: [rushes to get a spiked-bat made of snow] I say I'm Dirty Dan.
- SpongeBob: [hits Patrick] I say I'm Dirty Dan.
- Patrick: [hits SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan!
- SpongeBob: I'm Dirty Dan!
- Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan!
- [They continue to hit each other while saying "I'm Dirty Dan!". The commotion wakes Sandy up]
- Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan! [SpongeBob sees something behind Patrick and screams in terror] Screaming will get you nowh- [Sandy reaches out, grabs the top of Patrick's head and rips it off. Sandy huffs and growls as she stands behind Patrick, towering over him with sharpened teeth bared in a snarl]
- Sandy: [breathing heavily] Which one of you fellers is the real Dirty Dan?!
- Patrick: Uh... I am? [bad idea, as Sandy promptly backhands him and sends him flying across the treedome]
- SpongeBob: Patrick!
- [Patrick slams against the dome hard enough to leave a dent and little drumsticks float around his head]
- Patrick: Hot wings... [cut back to Sandy, who rounds on a cowering and terrified SpongeBob]
- Sandy: Okay, Pinhead Larry. Now you get yours!
- [SpongeBob's pupils shrink in fear, He screams and jumps away to avoid it seconds before Sandy's fist obliterates where he was just sitting. Sandy throws her head back and bellows] Pinhead...! [SpongeBob whimpers and runs, Sandy is close behind. SpongeBob later doesn't seem to be going far because he's right behind Sandy on the exercise wheel. He slips and gets flung across the wheel. He flies off and slams into the picnic table, leaving a giant crater in its place. Sandy leans over the crater] Now you're gonna pay for those crimes, Pinhead! [SpongeBob picks up a wood board]
- SpongeBob: Sandy, stand back. I'm warning ya! [Sandy roars right in SpongeBob's face] Okay, I warned ya! [SpongeBob throws the wooden board, Patrick pops up beside Sandy]
- Patrick: Did you win? [he's hit by the board and rolls down the crater to SpongeBob's feet] Hi, SpongeBob. [Sandy growls before leaping into the crater. SpongeBob and Patrick cling onto each other in fear for their lives as a huge shadow covers them before a cloud obscures them, presumably simulating a fight. The scene fades to the treedome at night where two gravestones are in front of Sandy's Treedome: one for Dirty Dan and one for Pinhead Larry. Patrick and SpongeBob come up from under the snow in respective tombstone order] Okay, SpongeBob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just wanna be Patrick.
- SpongeBob: Let's get out of here before Sandy wakes up again!
- [the two run to the door and SpongeBob tries to open it, but his hands slip off the wheel and accidentally hits Patrick in the face]
- Patrick: Ouch! [covers his eyes in pain]
- SpongeBob: Sorry, Patrick, but the door is slippery! It's frozen shut!
- Patrick: Let me have a try. [he goes up to the door and spits on both hands, preparing to open the door] Open sesame! [nothing happens, Patrick shrugs] Well, I've done all I can do...
- SpongeBob: Then we're stuck in here... until the door thaws... in spring!
- Patrick: Barnacles! [cut to much later, where SpongeBob and Patrick are completely buried in the snow, shivering and blue] Is it spring yet?
- SpongeBob: Uhh, N-n-n-no. [Patrick and SpongeBob's snow covering on their faces break off]
- Sandy: Oh, look, it's SpongeBob and Patrick! [With that, SpongeBob and Patrick go crazy trying to open the door. Patrick screams. Sandy walks over, completely hairless and in her bikini]
- Sandy: Hey, guys! [They climb off the door] [She sees all the different fur assortments the two are wearing. She looks down at her bald pink body and screams in horror.]
- SpongeBob: It's okay, Sandy. Squirrel pattern baldness is quite common in small mammals. [Patrick removes the furry piece from his forehead, smiling fearfully. Sandy is really tickled off now.]
- Sandy: [growling with fury] SpongeBob! Patrick!
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, Sandy. We've got you covered.
- [He giggles nervously. Cut to Sandy's arm pouring some lemonade, she giggles]
- Sandy: [giggles] More lemonade, boys? [pan out to see that Patrick is curled around Sandy's head and SpongeBob around Sandy's body as punishment for ripping her fur to keep them warm, in order to cover up her bald pink hide and keep her warm until her fur grows back. The two take a glass.]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Thanks, Sandy.
- Sandy: Spring sure is lovely.
Dumped [2.9b]
[edit]- Patrick: Would it be all right if Gary and I did some laundry over here?
- SpongeBob: Laundry? But we used to do laundry!
- Patrick: And, uh... SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?
- SpongeBob: [on the verge of breaking down] Soap? But we used to use soap! [holds up two different types of soap] Do you want Fresh Scent or Heavy Du...
- Patrick: Here it comes...
- SpongeBob: [breaks out in a fountain of tears, each falling into the separate soapboxes and lathering them up in his hand] GARY, PLEASE COME BACK GARY! GARY, PLEASE COME HOME! I'M A WRECK WITHOUT YOU! [stops crying] I know! If you come back, there'll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want! [runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously] If you feel like ripping the sofa, then you rip it up! [runs up to the litter box] And the litter box? Forget about it! [he dumps the litter on his head] The world is your litter box! [he runs to the fridge and opens it] And you don't even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! [he takes a milk carton and drinks it] And you don't even have to use a bowl! [he runs to a giant carving of Squidward] And I know how much you like my prized driftwood carving of Squidward. [scratches at it] Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary? [we see SpongeBob has carved Squidward into a heart]
- Patrick: How pathetic.
- SpongeBob: Gary? [the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room]
- Patrick: [patronisingly] I'm sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary's with me now. You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself. [he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine; Gary crawls in after them] It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me. Right, Gary? [Gary does not answer] Huh?
- [The two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Patrick's shorts and crunching on something.]
- Patrick: He only liked me for my shorts!
- SpongeBob: No, Patrick! He wanted the cookie in your pocket!
- [Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes it, pops out of the machine, and crawls back to SpongeBob]
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: Gary? [Gary burps and happily meows] Whee! [hugs Gary] Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me! Aww... [giggles, he takes his leash] Let's go for a walk, pal! [the two walk out of the house]
- Patrick: [left alone heartbroken and devastated] Gary? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL...!!! [the episode ends]
Episode 10
[edit]No Free Rides [2.10a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Okay, Mrs. Puff, what's my final score?
- Mrs. Puff: Six.
- SpongeBob: Whoo! And how many do I need to pass?
- Mrs. Puff: Six.
- SpongeBob: [raising arms slowly] Whoo.
- Mrs. Puff: Hundred. [SpongeBob stops]
- SpongeBob: What?
- Mrs. Puff: 600. You need 600 to pass. You got six.
- SpongeBob: Don't worry. I'll be all right, Mrs. Puff. Besides, this means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year! [he slams his fist down, which causes a piece of the motor to fly upward] Well, see you next Tuesday! [SpongeBob walks off and the piece crashes on Mrs. Puff. She inflates like she always does when SpongeBob crashes. SpongeBob runs out to his unicycle-like bike] Yeah! [singing] I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super duper year. [goes around in circles on his bike] One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year! [Mrs. Puff looks on, still inflated]
- Mrs. Puff: [thinking] Oh, Neptune. Another year with him! Barnacles! Dirty barnacles! I've got to do something to save myself. Oh, there's only one way out: a teacher's ace in the hole! [starts to talk, when she does, she deflates to her normal size] ♪ Extra crediiiiit! ♪
- SpongeBob: What was that, Mrs. Puff? [Mrs. Puff runs over and shakes him in joy]
- Mrs. Puff: Extra credit, SpongeBob! The extra credit! [laughing wildly] I still have a chance! I mean, you still have a chance.
- SpongeBob: [muffled] What's extra credit?
- Mrs. Puff: It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before.
- SpongeBob: [singing] ♪ Oh… ♪
- Spongebob: [While Running and hanging on To the stolen boat Mrs. Puff is driving.] I'm... not... letting... go! Nothing will stop me! Not even- [Gasps as he sees the sign that reads...] Giant clams!?
- [Gets dragged through the field of clams causing him to miss some pieces while still hanging on to the boat.]
- Spongebob: I'm... not... letting... go... even for... [Gasps again as he sees another sign that reads...] Cheese graters!? [skids through the graters thus appearing as nothing but the 4 Yellow Sponge strands with arms While still hanging on to the boat.] If you think I'll let go for a little... [approaches the most worst sign of them all that reads...]
- Spongebob: EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION!? OH NO!!!
- [Mrs Puffs hears SpongeBob scream off-screen.]
I'm Your Biggest Fanatic [2.10b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: But Kevin, I was your biggest fan.
- Kevin: So were they. [points down to some fans he has managed to get rid of, trapped at the bottom of the ledge at a campfire]
- Fish: Hey, look everyone! Kevin's back! [they cheer]
Episode 11
[edit]Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III [2.11a]
[edit]TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We join Bikini Bottom's noblest, boldest, oldest superheroes as they bravely prepare for vacation. [both pack their clothes into their bags while the words "FOLD" and "PACK" come up] But wait! While our heroes relax at Leisure Village, who will watch the Mermalair? [Barnacle Boy opens the doors and SpongeBob and Patrick jump in] SpongeBob: ManSponge... Patrick: ...and BoyPatrick... Both: Reporting for duty! Barnacle Boy: Yeah, yeah, follow me. Both: Up, up, and away! Mermaid Man: Evil! Barnacle Boy: Now, we want you boys to keep an eye on the place. Water the plants, and make sure that... SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh, Patrick! This is the greatest wall of superhero secret gadgetry ever! I'm going to play with the Cosmic-Ray! Patrick: I get the Aqua-Glove! Mermaid Man: Hold on there, boys! You cannot play with this stuff. SpongeBob: What about the Orb of Confusion? [turns the orb on and makes confused faces] Mermaid Man: [turns it off] No, no! Prolonged exposure to the Orb of Confusion will give you... uh... confusion! Patrick: [opens the boat's door] What about the Invisible Boatmobile? Barnacle Boy: Especially not the Invisible Boatmobile! [closes the boat's door] When we say don't touch anything, we mean don't touch anything! Do you understand? SpongeBob and Patrick: [salutes] Loud and clear, trusted boy companion! Barnacle Boy: Well, great. Here are the keys. [SpongeBob takes the key from his hand] We'll see you in a week. Mermaid Man: [both run out the door] Up, up, and away! SpongeBob: Come, BoyPatrick, while our heroes are away, we will keep evil at bay! [both flip into the other room while letting out battle cries] Patrick: Huh? Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma... SpongeBob: What is it, trusted sidekick? Patrick: Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! SpongeBob and Patrick: Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Man Ray! [both scream, then hide] Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, how come he's not chasing us? SpongeBob: Looks like he's frozen or something. Patrick: Fruh-fruh-fruh-fro-fruh-fruh-fro-fruh-fro... SpongeBob: It appears to be some sort of prison chamber... [licks the chamber] ...made out of frozen tartar sauce. This is incredible! Next to the Dirty Bubble, the evil Man Ray is the all-time greatest arch nemesis of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I have so many questions to ask him! [Patrick pulls the lever down to UNFREEZE] Pat, what are you doing? We're not supposed to touch anything! Patrick: But you said you had a question. SpongeBob: We could get in trouble! Patrick: Well, that's not a question. [they both argue when Man Ray's eyes start to light up] SpongeBob: They said not to touch anything and that includes unfreezing a super-villain! [pulls level up back to FREEZE] Man Ray: I'm free! Hahaha! SpongeBob: Uh, actually, Mr. uh... Man Ray, sir, only your head is free. Man Ray: By the supreme authority of wickedness, I, the evil Man Ray, command you to release me from this frozen prison at once! SpongeBob: Well, uhh, Mr. Evil Man Ray, sir, we can't do that. Man Ray: Why... not?! SpongeBob: Because you're evil! Man Ray: You mean, if I was good, then you'd let me go? SpongeBob: Yeah, sure, why not? Man Ray: Then, uh, in that case... I am good. SpongeBob: Really? Man Ray: Yes, really. SpongeBob: Really, really? Man Ray: Yes, yes, really, really. SpongeBob: Really, really, really? Man Ray: Yes, yes, already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences! SpongeBob: Well, that's good enough for me. [SpongeBob pulls the lever back to "UNFREEZE" Man Ray is unfrozen and falls to the ground] Man Ray: You fools! Prepare to be eradicated! [tries to jump at SpongeBob and Patrick but stops in mid-air and falls to the ground then laughs] What's wrong with me? Hahaha! What is this...Hahaha...infernal contraption?! SpongeBob: Don't play dumb, Man Ray! You know that's the tickle belt Mermaid Man used on you in episode #17! Narrator: [showing a picture of the belt] As seen in episode #17! Patrick: Oh, I love that episode. SpongeBob: Oh, me too, me too! Man Ray: I'll never get out of here wearing this belt! [chuckles] I... I need an evil plan that will trick them to take it off me. [chuckles again] Time for those acting lessons to pay off. SpongeBob: Remember that part Mermaid Man and Barnacle... Man Ray: Oh, boohoo! Oh, sob! Oh, cry! [opens and closes his eyes] Oh, woe is me! You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency. [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp] SpongeBob: We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go! Man Ray: [turns around] Ahh, that would be fantastic! [chuckles] I'll fake my way through this just like I did in high school. [laughs] SpongeBob: Okay, Man Ray. Are you ready for your first day at goodness school? [Man Ray puts an apple on his desk] Pat, get your wallet out. [Patrick gets his wallet out of his pocket] Okay, goodness lesson number one. You see someone drop their wallet... Patrick, drop the wallet. [Patrick tosses it on the ground] Now, what do you do? Man Ray: [holds it out to Patrick] Excuse me, sir! But I do believe you've dropped your wallet. Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me. Man Ray: What? I just saw you drop it. Here. Patrick: Nope, it's not mine. Man Ray: It is yours. I... am trying to be a good person and return it to you. Patrick: Return what to who? Man Ray: [facepalms, then shows Patrick his own ID] Aren't you Patrick Star? Patrick: Yup. Man Ray: And this is your ID. Patrick: Yup. Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet. Patrick: That makes sense to me. Man Ray: Then take it. Patrick: It's not my wallet. Man Ray: [in anger and frustration] You dim bulb! Take back your wallet or I'll rip your arms off! [SpongeBob pushes tickle button and Man Ray laughs] SpongeBob: Ah-ah! Wrong. [pushes button] Good people don't rip other people's arms off! [Man Ray chuckles] [Bubble transition] SpongeBob: Okay, goodness lesson number two. [Patrick walks in with a package, straining] You see someone struggling with a heavy package. What do you do? Man Ray: Hello, friend! I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help with-- [Patrick drops package on his foot] Ow! Patrick: Oops, sorry. Can I start over? Man Ray: I noticed you w-- [Patrick drops package again] Oww! Patrick: Oops! Gotta start again. Man Ray: Would-- [Patrick drops package again] Ahh! Patrick: Oops! Man Ray: [Growls in anger] You butter-fingered pink thing! What's in that box anyhow? Patrick: My wallets. Man Ray: [Screams in fury. He grabs Patrick's head] Patrick: No! SpongeBob, tickle him! [Man Ray slams him into the ground back and forth. SpongeBob presses the tickle button] Man Ray: [laughs] It tickles, but it's worth it! [continues slamming Patrick into the ground, while still laughing] SpongeBob: Alright, goodness lesson number three. [Patrick is shown angry and severely injured] Uhh, let's see. [Patrick grabs the remote] Patrick: I've got one. I'm thinking of a number between one and one hundred. What is it? Man Ray: Um... sixty-two? Patrick: Wrong! [pushes button] Man Ray: Haha! Stop! SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, that's got nothing to do with being good. Patrick: Let go of it, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Pat, we've got to use it only when he's bad! Patrick: Let go! SpongeBob: No, you let go! Both: Let... go! [remote breaks and the belt goes hay-wire] Man Ray: Frequency rising! Belt out of control! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Belt on too hard! [he continues to laugh] It's tickling my DNA! Make it stop! [tears come out as he laughs] Haha! Please! SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Patrick? He said the P word. Patrick: Peanuts? SpongeBob: No. Please. Patrick: Well, that's good enough for me. I guess he's reconstituted. SpongeBob: Rehabilitated. Patrick: Gesundheit. SpongeBob: It's graduation day, Man Ray. This is the key to your future. [unlocks the belt, then the tickling stops] Just look at him, Patrick. The picture of goodness. [Man Ray takes the Aqua-Glove off the wall of weapons] Umm, we're not supposed to touch that stuff. [Man Ray put the glove on his hand and activates it] We're not supposed to touch that, either. [Man Ray grabs the Cosmic-Ray and attaches it on the Aqua-Glove] We are really not suppose to touch those, sir. [He aims the weapon at SpongeBob and Patrick] Good people have no use for weapons such as... [Man Ray zaps them into dust] Thooose! Man Ray: [laughs] The only thing I'm good at is being evil. [door opens and Man Ray runs] So long, suckers! Patrick: What's that smell, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: That, Patrick, is the smell of defeat. Patrick: Good, I thought it was my skin. SpongeBob: Forget about your skin, Patrick! Man Ray is still bad and someone has to stop him. This is a job for Mermaid Man... Patrick: ...and Barnacle Boy! [both slide down the poles and get their costumes on] SpongeBob: To the Invisible Boatmobile! [both stop in the invisible boat] Patrick: Ignition, on! SpongeBob: Wait! I don't have a license! Patrick: Well, this is an invisible boat, right? So, you need an invisible license. [shapes hand into a rectangle] SpongeBob: You're the best sidekick ever, Barnacle Boy. [they scream as the boat rams through the wall and into a street light] Patrick: Thank goodness for invisible seat belts! Man Ray: [walks past SpongeBob and Patrick] Out of my way, fools! You no longer have control of me. [stops at the edge of the cliff and points to Bikini Bottom] And now this town belongs to...Man Ray! [he does a victory pose] SpongeBob: Not so fast, arch-villain! We still have the Orb of Confusion! [Patrick takes out the Orb of Confusion] Take this! [turns it on and gets all confused] Doy... Duh... Man Ray: Well, that was easy. [heads to the bank where he kicks in the door] Hahaha! All right, people! Everybody stand right where you are! [citizens: Vera Fishbowl, Harold "Bill" Reginald, Sylvester, Lloyd-Rich, and Nancy gasp] Man Ray: I want you to, uh... [Man Ray chuckles, so everyone else chuckles, too] No! No! Stop giggling or I'll have to... [chuckles again, so everyone else is still chuckling] Stop laughing, you fools! Nancy Suzy Fish: What can I do for you, sir? Man Ray: I'll tell you what you can do! [points glove at the lady] Gimme all of your... [Man Ray chuckles again] G-gimme, gimme all of your... [Man Ray is still chuckling] Give me...! [he chuckles so much he realizes what's going on] Aah! The belt is gone, but I still feel its tickle! The urge to do bad is gone! [sighs] I guess I'll just open a checking account. [Man Ray returns to SpongeBob and Patrick and turns the Orb of Confusion off] SpongeBob: Doy... [gasps] Man Ray! Man Ray: No need to be alarmed, SpongeBob. Your teachings have transformed me. Besides, I have checks... with little poodles on them! [Man Ray takes his head off and gives it to SpongeBob] I won't be needing this anymore. Farewell, fellow do-gooder. [walks off] SpongeBob: Bye, Man Ray! Wow, we did it! Just like the real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We saved the day! Isn't it incredible, Patrick?! Patrick? Patrick: Uhh... [still has a confused look on his face] SpongeBob: Patrick, you know that thing's turned off, right? Patrick? Woo-hoo? Patrick?
Squirrel Jokes [2.11b]
[edit][Lights are circling outside the Krusty Krab. Inside, there is a sign hanging from the ceiling that reads 'Komedy Krab.'] Mr. Krabs: Okay, everybody settle down. Welcome [pauses] to the Komedy Krab! [puts an arrow on his eyes. Everyone laughs] Now please give a warm welcome to our first comic, the indiscernible Dougie Williams! [Dougie walks onto the stage as Mr. Krabs walks out.] Dougie Williams: Good evening, folks. I'm going to skip the jokes and get right to the part where I throw pies at ya![pulls out a cart of pies. The crowd takes out their umbrellas. SpongeBob opens the curtain from behind and gets splattered in the face with pie] SpongeBob: [laughs] I hope I do as good as that guy. Dougie Williams: [backstage] Man, those people will laugh at anything. Hey, don't sweat it kid, I got 'em all warmed up for ya. Mr. Krabs: Put your fins together for SpongeBob SquarePants! [SpongeBob walks out with a bow tie on.] Sandy: Go get 'em, SpongeBob! Patrick: [sitting at a table with Sandy] Whoo-hoo! [SpongeBob gives them a thumbs-up.] SpongeBob: Hey, hey, hey ladies and jellyfish, have you ever noticed salt shakers? I mean, you fill them up every night at closing, and I mean, where does it all go? Huh? You know what I mean? [No one laughs. A cricket is heard chirping. Cut to a live-action clip of a cricket chirping.] SpongeBob: And tomatoes -- what's the deal on those things? [chuckles weakly. Crowd is still silent] I mean, you chop them up into slices, but... [cut again to the cricket, this time as a still image.] What are they, vegetables or... fruit? And what does that make-ketchup? [chuckles weakly] Fred: Oh, brother, this guy stinks! Harold: [with an Australian accent] Hey, hey, funny guy! I've got a joke for you! What smells rotten and puts people to sleep? SpongeBob: Um, noxious gas? Harold: No! Your act! [The entire audience laughs.] SpongeBob: Did you ever notice how, uhh... [notices a fork on a table] ...forks, uhh... Fred: Forks?! Come on! [The crowd is booing at SpongeBob.] SpongeBob: [thinking] Quick, SpongeBob, make a witty observation! [SpongeBob looks around the crowd booing at him for material; even Patrick is booing.] Patrick: Boo! Boo! SpongeBob: [notices Sandy's teeth] Did you ever notice how...big squirrels' teeth are? [The crowd chuckles.] Incidental 92: That's true. Sandy: Huh? SpongeBob: I mean, hey, you could land a plane on those things! [The crowd laughs more.] SpongeBob: And what's up with that squirrel fur? I guess fleas need a home, too! [The crowd laughs loud.] Patrick: [laughing] Squirrel fur! [Sandy grins nervously] SpongeBob: And they smell! But hey, you'd stink too if you spent three months [Southern accent] buried in dirt! [Sandy laughs uneasily. The crowd laughs.] SpongeBob: [laughs] [switches to regular voice] Hey, why does it take more than one squirrel to change a light bulb? Fred: Why? SpongeBob: Because, they're so darn stupid! [raises his right hand to punctuate the punchline of the joke] [The crowd laughs.] Patrick: [laughs loudly] Oh, that's a good one, eh, Sandy? Sandy: [chuckles nervously] Uh, uh, yeah... [The crowd cheers loudly and chants as SpongeBob walks behind the curtain where Mr. Krabs is waiting for him.] Mr. Krabs: That was fantastic, boy! You really knocked 'em out! I think I'll do this joke night again with you as the headliner! SpongeBob: I never thought I could be a headliner! Whatever that is. Mr. Krabs: The headliner's the one who cleans up after the show. [hands SpongeBob a mop] SpongeBob: Well, at least I don't have to clean up my act! [rimshot is played as he laughs] Mr. Krabs: Stick with the squirrel jokes, boy. Now get busy! [walks off] SpongeBob: Mops, mops, mops, what's up with those things? I mean, really. [walks up to Sandy] Oh, hey, Sandy! Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: Did you like the show? Sandy: Well, ac-actually, SpongeBob.....no. Those jokes are hurtful and you know it. SpongeBob: [nudges Sandy with his elbow] Come on, Sandy, I was just joking. I mean, everybody knows that you're the smartest one in Bikini Bottom. Sandy: Well, I can't argue with that. SpongeBob: We all gotta laugh at ourselves once in a while. I do it all the time! [holds up a mirror and laughs excessively into it] [puts the mirror down] [holds the mirror back up, laughing hysterically into it, cutting Sandy off just as she tries to speak] Sandy: [chuckles] You're right, SpongeBob. I was being a little too sensitive. [both hug] No hard feelings. [The scene cuts to Sandy at Barg'N-Mart.] Sandy: Okay, deodorant. Huh, let's see. Roll-on or stick? [Fred and Suzy walk by. They gossip about Sandy behind her back.] Fred: I think she should buy both. [laughs] Sandy: Huh? Scooter: Hey, look, guys! [seen with Morty and Incidental 28] [points at Sandy] It's the stupid squirrel! Morty: I know, let's try and communicate with it. Scooter, Morty and Incidental 28: Duh... [making funny faces, then walk off laughing] Sandy: Hmph! [throws the deodorant into the cart, then walks up and stop in front of a little kid] Hello, little critter! What's your name? Incidental 115: [grabs her child] Don't stand too close to a squirrel, Billy! You'll catch it's stupid! [walks off] Billy: Okay, mom. Sandy: Stupidity isn't a virus. But it sure is spreadin' like one! [The scene cuts to the Komedy Krab where everyone is chanting for SpongeBob. SpongeBob is sitting at a desk preparing for his act.] SpongeBob: La-la-la-la-la-la! Squirrely, squirrely, squirrely, squirrrrrel! Because they're stupid! Because they're stupid! [points in front of him] Sandy: Hey, uhh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Sandy. Sandy: Um, I need to talk to you about them squirrel jokes. SpongeBob: We already talked about that, remember? [looks in a mirror and laughs excessively] Sandy: SpongeBob, this is serious. Since you've been telling them jokes, people have been treatin' me different. [Patrick walks backstage.] Patrick: SpongeBob, five minutes. [notices Sandy, then talks slowly] Hel-lo... Sandy. Me Patrick. Do you un-der-staaaand? [Sandy looks away] Squirrels. [walks off] Sandy: Y-y-you see? That's what I'm talkin' about! SpongeBob: Ah, that's just Patrick. He's just fooling around. Sandy: I'm just askin' you as a friend, please lay off them squirrel jokes, okay? Tell some of them other jokes you got. SpongeBob: [nervously] Other jokes? [imagines the fork joke] Bah! I got a million of them. Sandy: [hugs SpongeBob] Thanks, SpongeBob, I knew you'd understand. [leaves backstage to her seat] [The crowd is still chanting for SpongeBob.] Mr. Krabs: Put your fins together for SpongeBob SquarePants! [Everyone in the audience cheers as SpongeBob walks out.] SpongeBob: Uhh, hi. [mic feedback] [chuckles nervously] Uhh, did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronze fish. [rimshot plays] [The crowd is confused.] "What?" "What did he say?" SpongeBob: I guess you heard that one. Sandy: I haven't heard it! [chuckles] Good one, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Thank you, you're too kind. Hey, what about this water? I mean, this stuff's everywhere. Patrick: Tell the one about the squirrel and the light bulbs! SpongeBob: Er..e..Uhh... [takes out a big rubber chicken] Hey, what about this thing? Huh? Huh, huh? Incidental 10: Get on with the squirrel jokes! [The crowd chants "squirrel jokes" fifteen times.] SpongeBob: [in his head] What do I do? What do I do? SpongeBob, you've got a choice to make. [looks at Sandy] Your friends... [looks at his microphone] ...or your career? [After a second, he drops the microphone and everyone gasps. He walks backstage, then he jumps back on stage with hillbilly teeth.] SpongeBob: [loudly] Howdy, y'all! [The crowd cheers loudly.] SpongeBob: [Southern accent] How come it takes more than one squirrel to screw in a light bulb? All of the audience except Sandy: [yells in sync with SpongeBob] Because they're so darn stupid! SpongeBob: [laughs as he walks around tooting a bicycle horn] My people! [Sandy gets angry] But seriously folks, I wanna give a special thanks to my friend, Sandy. [spotlight on Sandy as the two women around her giggle] Sandy, don't you see? The crowd loves these jokes. [to the audience] Am I right?! [the crowd cheers; to Sandy] Don't you see, Sandy? We're laughing with you, not at you! Do you understand now, Sandy? Huh, do ya? Sandy: [deadpan] I understand exactly what's goin' on, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: Great. I knew sooner or later you'd understand. What a great sport. [to the audience] Let's give a big hand to Sandy! But clap slow, because remember... She's a squirrel! [the crowd is cheering their loudest] Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience, and uhh, good night! [walks backstage] Ah... another spectacular performance, SpongeBob. [sees a note taped to his mirror] Oh, what's this, a fan letter?[takes the note off his mirror and reads it] Sandy: [voiceover] You were right, SpongeBob! Those jokes are funny! Come on over to the treedome tomorrow and celebrate. Sandy. SpongeBob: You did it, SpongeBob. You get to keep your career [points at his reflection] and your friends. [The scene cuts to SpongeBob walking up to the Treedome with his water helmet on and flowers in his hands. He knocks on the door then sniffs the flowers as the water empties from the Treedome's front foyer.] SpongeBob: I'm glad that Sandy can finally see the genius of my comedy. [The door opens; SpongeBob presents the flowers with eyes closed.] SpongeBob: Good morning, Sandy. [SpongeBob opens his eyes and stares on in shock; Sandy is dressed as a hillbilly with flies floating around her.] Sandy: Well, hoooow-deeeeeee! SpongeBob: Sandy, are you feeling alright? Sandy: I'm just bein' my own au-natu-rally squirrelly self! [licks her teeth with her tongue. SpongeBob laughs nervously] Well, come on in! Y'all must be tired from tellin' them funny jokes all the time. Why don't you take a load off? [pushes him onto a log with extra sticky glue on it] SpongeBob: [notices the seat and tries to get off]Uhh, Sandy, I think something's wrong with this seat. [points at the log] Sandy: Naw, [holds up a brush and a bucket of glue] I just done put glue on it so you wouldn't fall off. [gasps and grabs the flowers that SpongeBob was holding] Are them flowers for me?! You even done got me a vase! [takes SpongeBob's water helmet off his head] SpongeBob: But, Sandy, that-that's not a... [Sandy places the flowers in the water helmet] Sandy: Ain't that purdy? SpongeBob: [shown already dried out] Sandy, I need wa...[points to his mouth] Sandy: Oh, that's right! You's a sea critter! Now what was that thing sea critters need? Umm, uh... let's see, Sea critters need, uhh... [a big lump in her throat wiggles up and down] SpongeBob: Wa... Sandy: [covers SpongeBob's mouth] Oh, wait, don't tell me. I know this one! SpongeBob: Wa... Sandy: A wallet? A watch? Waffles? SpongeBob: [hoarsely] Sandy! Water! Sandy: Well, why didn't you just say so? [puts the end of a hose in SpongeBob's mouth] Here you go! Yup, us squirrels sure is stupid. [connects the other end of the hose to a pipe then turns it on. SpongeBob enlarges as more water enters into him] SpongeBob: [muffled] Sandy! Sandy: Dumb, dumb, dumb, squirrels is dumb. SpongeBob: Sandy! Okay, Sandy, I get it! Sandy: What's that? You want more? [connects to the end of the hose to a bigger pipe and turns it on sucking water out from the ocean] Okey-dokey! More water for the sea-critter! [SpongeBob is still enlarging.] SpongeBob: Okay, Sandy, okay! I get it! [he has filled up every inch of the Treedome] No more squirrel jokes. [The scene cuts to the Komedy Krab where the crowd is chanting for SpongeBob again. SpongeBob, who has bandages on his face covering his wounds, goes on stage.] SpongeBob: Thank you, thank you very much. Well, on my way over here, I ran into a squirrel. [Winks at Sandy. Cut to Patrick showing his excited smile, Sandy blinks with a smirk.] And I said, 'Hey, why don't you go get a couple of your squirrel friends and we'll go change a light bulb?' [The crowd cheers.] SpongeBob: But seriously folks, the only thing dumber than a squirrel is a sponge! [points at himself] [The crowd is silent.] SpongeBob: I mean, we're so dumb, we don't even have a vertebrae! [twists himself] Look at me! [bends left and right] I got no bones! Incidental 92: That's true. [The crowd laughs.] SpongeBob: Crabs? Oh, brother. They're so cheap, [rubs his two fingers together] they can't even pay attention! [points to his head] Mr. Krabs: [laughs] It's true, I am cheap! SpongeBob: Now, let me tell you about those fish. Boy, are they smelly. [holds his nose shuts with his fingers] Whoo-hoo! How could a creature who spends so much time in the water smell so bad? I mean, really! [imitates a fish] Soap... soap... what is... soap? [The crowd laughs more. SpongeBob and Sandy give each other a thumbs-up as the scene cuts to an outside view of the Krusty Krab.] SpongeBob: And don't even get me started on starfish! [The episode ends.]
Episode 12
[edit]Pressure [2.12a]
[edit]- Sandy: I'm a squirrel. See? [points to the acorn logo on her suit]
- SpongeBob: I thought that meant you were nuts.
- Sandy: Nope. It means I'm a natural born climber! I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing like growing up on good old dry land.
- Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve her!
- Squidward: How long can she stay like that?
- SpongeBob: I don't know.
- Patrick: Sandy's a girl?
- SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy. You sure provided us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. [bubbles rise from Sandy's lips] At least until they need to breathe... [he, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs chuckle while Sandy angrily squints one eye at them] Yep, won't be long now.
- Sandy: [starts struggling to hold her breath] Mm?
- SpongeBob: Feeling lightheaded yet?
- Sandy: [shakes her head] Uh-uh.
- SpongeBob: Remember this? [takes a deep breath in and out. Sandy is seen sweating profusely]
- Mr. Krabs: It's free! [also takes a deep breath in and out]
- Sandy: Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes?
- Patrick: [holding and eating popcorn] Hey, we are not chicken! [drops his popcorn] Huh! My popcorn! [begins pecking at it like a chicken]
- SpongeBob: Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. [looks at the water's surface and pokes his finger above the water] There! Mission accomplished!
- Sandy: Look, unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures!
- SpongeBob: No way, San-day. We can take on your challenge.
- All: Yeah!
- SpongeBob: We're sea creatures!
- All: Yeah!
- SpongeBob: Okay. Well, this is it.
- Mr. Krabs: Wait, boy! [gives him a glass of water] Make it last.
- SpongeBob: [drinks from it] Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Okay. Here I go! [the scene changes to live action as he gasps out of the water. He is now a real yellow kitchen sponge on a stick] Hey, this isn't so bad! We can do this! Hey, Patrick, come on up! The air is fine!
- Patrick: I'm gonna do it quick and get it over with. Cannonball! [jumps out of the water. He is now a real pink starfish, missing his trunks, on a stick] Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: All right, Pat! You made it! Come on up, Mr. Krabs! Up here!
- Mr. Krabs: All ashore that's going ashore, Mr. Squidward! Land ho! [runs up. He is a red rubber toy crab on a stick]
- SpongeBob: Looking good, Mr. Krabs!
- Patrick: Yeah! Yeah, whoo-hoo!
- SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward! You're missing all the dry. Come on, Squidward!
- All: [chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
- Squidward: Well, l'll do it, but I won’t like it. [walks up. He is a puppet octopus with his eyes and big nose. All stop chanting] What?
- SpongeBob: Well, here we are! [all four are walking on the island]
- Squidward: This is pretty easy!
- Patrick: I may keep a second rock up here!
- Mr. Krabs: Once you get your land legs, it's not so bad!
- SpongeBob: We're the masters of land and sea! [a string puppet seagull lands in front of him] Hey, it's a local. Hi! We're from underwater! Do you know Sandy Cheeks? [the seagull looks at screen]
- Sandy: Three, two, one. Well, tan my fur! They made it! Better go congratulate them! [walks onto the island. She is now a real plush squirrel toy with a small, round plastic helmet on her head] SpongeBob? Patrick? Hmm, where do those critters get to? [sees the seagulls attacking all four of them; one of them is trying to eat Patrick, while the other is chasing SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward] [gasps] Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! Hiyah! [attacks the birds offscreen and feathers start flying. All five sink back down to the seabed, with Squidward upside-down]
- SpongeBob: Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy.
- Sandy: You know, everyone's best at things.
- SpongeBob: But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your helmet, Sandy.
- Sandy: Sorry I made you go up on dry land, SpongeBob.
- Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for feeling sorry for us! Hip hip...
- All: Hooray!
- Mr. Krabs: Hip hip...
- All: Hooray!
- Mr. Krabs: Hip hip...
- Seagulls: [lying injured on the island with their feathers missing] Hooray!
The Smoking Peanut [2.12b]
[edit]- Zoo Worker 1: What's wrong with Clamu?
- Joe: Easy, girl! It's me, Joe! Remember?
- [Clamu snarls as if it sounds like a belch and uses her tongue to throw Joe out of Oyster Stadium. Patrick and a nervous SpongeBob wait at the stands]
- Patrick: Now, this is a show!
- [Outside...]
- Announcer: Attention, zoo patrons! Clamu, the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. [everybody does that] Thanks for coming.
- [In the stadium, Clamu is still smashing things and making snarling belch noises. The zoo worker goes up to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- Zoo Worker 1: You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionalm ppppply disturbed oyster. [points at SpongeBob] You didn't do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?
- SpongeBob: Uh...
- Patrick: No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: [hides the peanut bag] Right. [lets out a nervous shriek]
- [Clamu chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo]
- Patrick: If I saw that guy, I'd have a few choice words for him. Like "you" and "are", and..."a jerk"!
- SpongeBob: Aw, what am I getting so worked up about? I'm sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory. [giggles]
- Patrick: This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot, and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. [zoom in on Patrick seemingly licking SpongeBob's head. Zoom out to reveal that he is actually licking a yellow ice cream pop] Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow Popsicle hits the spot.
- Zoo Worker 1: Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. [rips off Mr. Krabs' clothes by accident] Behold! [the crowd gets disgusted] Wait a minute... [reveals Clamu's pearl] Behold! The oyster's pearl! [the crowd gasps in shock; the zoo worker then gives the pearl to Clamu] Here you go, girl.
- [Clamu sniffs her pearl and the crowd cheers. But suddenly, the pearl starts to crack. And to everyone's amazement, it hatches into a baby oyster]
- Baby Oyster: Mama. Mama.
- SpongeBob: Mother of pearl! The oyster's a mother! And that pearl's no pearl, it's an egg!
- Baby Oyster: Mama.
- [The baby oyster and Clamu embrace each other]
- All: Awww... [they glare at Mr. Krabs]
- Mr. Krabs: But it's Free Day!
- [The crowd boos as they throw peanuts at Mr. Krabs, burying him, thus ending the episode]
Episode 13
[edit]Shanghaied [2.13a]
[edit]- Patchy: [to telephone] No, not now! Don't call 'til I tell you to! Roll the cartoon! Now, remember to vote at the end because...
- [As SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward climb the anchor rope.]
- Narrator: A few inches later...
- Spongebob: [Points upward] Look!
- Patrick: SpongeBob, how long are you going to stay in your little fantasy world?
- Dutchman: I’ve been thinkin'. [they both stop] This whole crew for eternity thing isn't working out...It's not really you so much as it is me.
- SpongeBob: You're setting us free?
- Dutchman: Well actually, I'm just gonna eat you. See you at dinner. [leaves]
- Squidward: Boy, I'm glad all that's over!
- Random Voice: All hands, all hands! Time to vote! It's voting time!
- Patchy: [saddened] Hold on! [blows his nose] Sorry about that, kids! It's just that old Patchy can't help but get all choked up at the end of a show; but the good news is when you watch this cartoon land-lubbing style like you usually do, it'll have the ending you picked, so now you're an official big time decision maker! [cues some monkeys playing instruments at the zoo in greyscale] Just don't let it go to your head. Well, say good night to the folks, Potty! Potty?
- Potty: [with suit and briefcase] I quit!
Gary Takes a Bath [2.13b]
[edit]- [SpongeBob, in his attempt to get Gary to bathe, tries hypnotizing him]
- SpongeBob: I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages. [images of a bathtub, a shower, a bar of soap, and then a picture of a girl with pigtails and crooked teeth appear] [walking away] Sorry you had to see that.
Episode 14
[edit]Welcome to the Chum Bucket [2.14a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Plankton?! [Plankton appears in an imagine bubble] But Mr. Krabs, he’s your arch enemy, he's been trying to steal the Krabby Patty Formula for years. [swats Plankton]
- Plankton: Ouch.
- [Cut to the morning where Mr. Krabs walks to work crying, and SpongeBob walks in laughing.]
- SpongeBob: Takin' him to the cleaners! That's a hot one! [Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: I lost.
- SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs! How much money did ya lose?
- Mr. Krabs: I didn't lose any money. [sheds away a tear] I lost...
- SpongeBob: Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
- Mr. Krabs: I lost... [SpongeBob grabs him]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the... Krabby Patty secret formula!
- Mr. Krabs: I... lost... [points to SpongeBob] YOU!
- SpongeBob: What?
- Mr. Krabs: I bet your contract, and I lost.
- SpongeBob: [stares blankly, then laughs] Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I gotta go make those Krabby Patties. [begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]
- Mr. Krabs: I'm afraid... you don't work here anymore.
- Squidward: [runs out the door to the two] Please tell me this isn't a joke.
- SpongeBob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke.
- Plankton: [walks over] As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. [points at SpongeBob] You work for me now, SpongeBob. [whips out a bucket with the initials "CB" on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [jumps onto SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs while knocking Plankton and the bucket off his head]
- SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, I don't wanna work for him! [tugs at Krabs' shirt collar] I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying loudly and hug]
- Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!
- Plankton: [pretending to sound genuinely sad] What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [whips out a crowbar] I would! [jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him]
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! [slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]
- Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I've been throwin' those card games just waitin' for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula, but I've got the next best thing: the guy who makes 'em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs. [the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [cries and then stops] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head.]
- Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears... and the showtunes? Why isn't he making the patties? Forget it. I'm going with plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.
- Karen: You know that never works! The answer is obvious: to get to the SpongeBob, you must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give you what you want.
- Plankton: Will you be quiet? I'm thinking! I've got it! To get to the SpongeBob, I'll show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want.
- Plankton: I put the brain in the robot, you know. You shouldn't have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want. And I want you to make me a Krabby Patty!
- Robot SpongeBob: [turning on] Bee-beep-doodle-le-dee-doo... RESPONSE - WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME LATER?
- Plankton: What? WHAT?!
- Robot SpongeBob: GET WELDED.
- Plankton: WAIT! I COMMAND YOU MAKE ME A KRABBY PATTY!
- Robot SpongeBob: [while reading some comics and takes a drink from his soda] I DON'T WANNA.
- [Plankton yells loudest out of madness and decides to give up]
Frankendoodle [2.14b]
[edit]- Artist: [finds out the pencil slipped out of his hand and lands in the water] My pencil!
- French Narrator: The artist has learned the first lesson of the sea: Always bring a spare pencil.
- Artist: No!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Three!
- [SpongeBob draws a jellyfish in the ground with the giant pencil]
- SpongeBob: It's a jellyfish!
- Patrick: Pretty good, SpongeBob, but its lacking basic construction, and your perspective leaves a lot to be desired.
- SpongeBob: Huh! Everybody's a critic.
- Patrick: [notices the jellyfish drawing is coming to life] SpongeBob! Your drawing's coming to life!
- SpongeBob: [oblivious] Now, that's more like it, Mr. Critic!
- Patrick: [pointing to the jellyfish] No, I mean it's swimming away!
- SpongeBob: Do you know what this means, Patrick?
- Patrick: Your art can never hang in a museum.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick fell into a hole drawn by DoodleBob]
- Patrick: What just happened?
- DoodleBob: [speaking gibberish] Me, hoy minoy! Neyoyoyminoy, ladyonmamoy!
- SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick! Give me a boost up!
- Patrick: Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?..
- SpongeBob: No way. I created this monster and I've got to stop him.
- [A wrench drawn by DoodleBob falls on Patrick's head, making him dizzy]
- DoodleBob: Neofineyin!
- SpongeBob: See what I mean, Patrick?
- Patrick: [dazed] Where's the leak, ma'am?
- [Both try to climb up the hole, but they watch DoodleBob as he draws a bowling ball from a rock. He rolls it at Patrick, whose head turns into a bowling pin in shock] YAAAAAH...! [the bowling ball hits Patrick, transforming him into several pins. A "strike" symbol appears. The ball later rolls into the hole, hitting Patrick again. Another "strike" symbol appears for a double]
- SpongeBob: You okay, Patrick?
- Patrick: [offscreen] FINLAND!!!
- Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, what's with all the ruckus?
- SpongeBob: Take a look for yourself, Patrick.
- [Patrick sees the picture of DoodleBob on the wall and gasps]
- Patrick: It's the evil doodle!
- SpongeBob: No, no, not evil. He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.
- Patrick: So, he's a drawing?
- SpongeBob: Exactly! See how happy he is?
- Patrick: He still looks kind of creepy.
- SpongeBob: [on a diving board with the pencil] Oh, great Magic Pencil, your powers are too mighty for us ocean dwellers. So I will send you back to the magic kingdom from where you came. Are you ready, Patrick?
- Patrick: Ready!
- [SpongeBob drops the pencil into Patrick's mouth. SpongeBob jumps from the diving board and onto Patrick's belly, launching the pencil out of his mouth and back up to the surface. In the real world, the artist from earlier is curled up in a fetal position]
- French Narrator: We rejoin the artist in a creative slump.
- Artist: [the pencil reaches the surface and lands on him] Huh, what's... what's this? [jumps up and holds his pencil in joy] My pencil! [tries to draw, but unfortunately, the pencil lead breaks]
- French Narrator: The second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.
- Artist: [starts to cry] No!
Episode 15
[edit]The Secret Box [2.15a]
[edit]SpongeBob: [as he runs to Patrick's rock] Patrick! Patrick! Oh, Patrick! Are you ready to go jellyfishing? [Patrick comes out of his rock with a box, doing an acrobatic trick] Patrick: Oh, boy, am I! SpongeBob: Here's your net. [Patrick glances at his box] Well, come on, Patrick! The jellyfish don't catch themselves. Patrick: First, I have to put away my secret box. SpongeBob: Secret box? You never told me about your... secret box! [tries to peek in the box, but Patrick pulls it away] Patrick: Hey, hands off, PeepingBob! This here is my secret box! Besides, if I showed you what was inside, it wouldn't be a secret anymore. Duh! [opens the box, laughs at it, and shuts it as SpongeBob tries to peek it] Oh, SpongeBob... if only you could see what's inside my secret box, it would change your life! [SpongeBob gets behind Patrick to see what's inside the box, but Patrick holds it to himself] SpongeBob: It's okay, Patrick, I know all about secrets. Patrick: You do? SpongeBob: I've got a gazillion secrets! Patrick: Like what? SpongeBob: Well, it's no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets. Secretly. [Patrick drools as the top of his head has lightning bolts coming out of it, showing that he couldn't understand the whole sentence] SpongeBob: You wanna hear one of my secrets? Patrick: Do I? SpongeBob: Uhh... Let's see... [runs up to Patrick] Did you know that you're my best friend? [runs away] Patrick: No... way. Oh, let's hear another one! SpongeBob: Okay. Uhh... Secretly... I'm a little bit naïve. Patrick: Wow! I'll never look at you the same way again, SpongeBob. Gosh. [SpongeBob clears his throat and taps on Patrick's box] Tell me some more secrets! SpongeBob: Okay. I love my job at the Krusty Krab, I sleep with my shoes on, I like jelly on both sides of my toast, I've got an overdue library book, I think jellyfishing and bubble-blowing are the sea bee's knees... [transition to SpongeBob still telling secrets as Patrick lays his head on the box] ...I have a slight overbite. I've never been late for work, I've said the word "fancy" in conversation, I like to dance to loading zone announcements, I still don't have my driver's license. I'm a little bit on the short side. And I'm wearing three pairs of underwear, right now. [he shows his three pairs of underwear to Patrick] Patrick: Gasp. I never would have guessed. SpongeBob: Now will you show me what's inside your secret box? Patrick: No, SpongeBob! It's for me to know and for you to never find out. You may be an open book, SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. [imagines a carton of milk spilling itself] SpongeBob: Oh, yeah?! Well, I got plenty of secret stuff, too! Uh... [close-up of SpongeBob's socks] I've got my secret socks on. [runs away and comes back with Gary's bowl] And my secret Gary's bowl! [runs away then comes back, pushing his television] My secret TV! [turns on the TV] And my secret TV channel. [the TV shows an off-air color bars screen] What do you think of that, Patrick? Patrick? Patrick: [giggles, then laughs loudly after a gander at the box and then stops to breathe. Then he looks again and laughs even harder and hysterically. Then he stops to breathe] Maybe if you saw what was inside, you'd know why it has to be secret. [shows the box to SpongeBob] Inside this very box is the most secret-y secret of all of secret-dom and I am its sole witness! It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob, but nobody must know the mystery of the box. [SpongeBob tries to peek inside the box, but Patrick slams it shut] Nobody! Not even... Squidward's house. [scene zooms out to show Squidward's Tiki Head home looking down at SpongeBob and Patrick, who notice this before it goes back to normal] It's a full-time job. I'm constantly on the alert. You never know when someone's gonna... [gasps when he finds out his box is gone. The scene cuts to a laughing SpongeBob running with Patrick's secret box, but then he bumps into Patrick's belly] SpongeBob, what do you think you're doing?! That's my secret box! Now, hand it over! SpongeBob: [struggles with Patrick on the box] But, Patrick, I must know the secret! Patrick: [struggles with SpongeBob on the box] For the last time, SpongeBob, no! SpongeBob: Come on, just a peek? Patrick: Never! [SpongeBob and Patrick strain as they fight over the box. Eventually, SpongeBob's arms pop off and he gasps] So, it's come to this. And to think that we joined the Best Friends Forever Club! [shows his finger with the ring on it and then the camera zooms in on the ring. He grabs one of SpongeBob's arms and points it at SpongeBob] Listen up, SpongeBob SecretStealerPants! [as he pokes SpongeBob's nose with his arm] If you ever come near my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore! SpongeBob: But... we're supposed to be... [his eyes get big and sad] friends forever. [flashback to SpongeBob and Patrick as babies in a crib laughing, then we see them as kids riding on a bike, then as they are now, riding a bike, then as older men in rocking chairs, then we see a shot of two gravestones with their names and we hear SpongeBob and Patrick still laughing, but they are buried. The flashback ends.] I feel so filthy! [starts to cry] I have soiled our friendship garden! I just couldn't help myself! [jumps on Patrick] I know it's your secret! I promise to respect that! Oh, please forgive me, Patrick! Please! Patrick: Well... I guess it's not all your fault. After all, this is a pretty great secret. I mean, how could you resist the greatest secret ever? [we see a close-up of Patrick's box] The most amazing... [as he sticks the box in SpongeBob's eyes, the eyes pop out of him and then back in] mysterious... powerful secret in all Bikini Bottom. [his eyes are glued to the box for a moment, and then goes back to him] SpongeBob: So, what do you say, buddy? Friends? Patrick: Friends. [they shake hands. Cuts to a night view of SpongeBob's house, then inside as SpongeBob talks] SpongeBob: What could be in that box that Patrick doesn't want me to see? Maybe it's the world's only albino jellyfish... [slides down in his bed] or maybe Patrick's a master jewel thief and it's full of diamonds. [sits up] Or maybe Patrick's a deranged maniac who keeps his victims' severed heads in a box! [hides himself in the blanket and shivers] Or even worse... Maybe it's an embarrassing snapshot of me from the Christmas party! [screams, then hurls himself towards the bedroom window] I'm gonna find out what's in that secret box! I'm not gonna rest till I do! [SpongeBob's face pops off and sticks onto his back] That's it! How do you look into a secret box? [jumps off the window] Secretly, of course; I'll just take the box while Patrick's sleeping, look inside, and before Patrick even has time to notice, I'll slide it back. [turns around to show only his nose, then turns back around] Patrick won't know, and I'll have my own little secret! Good idea, eh, Gary? [Gary narrows his eyes] Gary: Meeh-No. [cut to the outside] SpongeBob: Oh, what do you know? You're a snail! [SpongeBob sneaks over to Patrick's house, and stealthily presses his back against it. He puts on gloves, then slips a stocking over his head, momentarily changing it to a woman's leg, before changing back to normal. He slides upwards over the rock, splitting in two passing through the weather vane on top, then slip through the rock. He then lands and notices Patrick. He then screams gibberish, drools and SpongeBob hides behind the portrait of SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob then peeks and then the wall starts to crack. Patrick mumbles, the wall breaks even more and then the nail falls off. He then grabs the nail with his foot and puts it back.] Patrick: [as the camera zooms in on the box] Seee... cret. SpongeBob: [thinking] I got to be more quiet. I don't want to wake Patrick up. [slides down the wall from the portrait and makes a loud noise upon touching the floor. Patrick stretches and then goes back to sleep. SpongeBob then lifts his leg and then Patrick makes another noise. He then tosses himself over on the bed. SpongeBob puts his leg down, which makes a loud booming noise] Patrick: Duh... who's there? [mumbles then goes back to sleep.] SpongeBob: [talking to his foot] Shhh! [steps on a potato chip and makes a broken glass sound] Patrick: Eh?! [gibberish] Who's that?! [Patrick is back asleep. SpongeBob sweeps his sweat drops off him and they land, causing a loud splash sound.] Mmm... water. [licks his mouth dry, then tosses himself on the bed. SpongeBob takes another step and makes an "Aooowga!" noise. He then steps again, making a loud machine gun noise. Steps again, making the sound of an elephant. He then stretches his leg near the side of the bed, which sounds like a speeding car, then takes the step, making the noise of a car crash. He then peeks above Patrick to see the box. He gets ready to reach for the box, but Patrick takes the box before SpongeBob could grab it. He then slides onto Patrick, grabbing the box] Good old secret box. Let's see what's inside. [opens SpongeBob's mouth and pulls out his tongue, then laughs and lets go of his tongue] Nighty-night, boxie. [puts SpongeBob on the side of the bed. SpongeBob gets off the bed and then trips on a shoestring, causing him to bounce around Patrick's house, making a lot of loud noises (like a horse whinnying, a cow mooing, a chicken clucking, and a seal barking) until his head hits the wall, causing the portrait to fall off the wall, hitting him in the head, breaking the portrait in half. The box then lands on SpongeBob's lap and makes a loud noise. The scene cuts back to Patrick, who, despite all the noise, continues to sleep.] SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper. [Patrick wakes up] Patrick: Huh? Who said that?! Who's there?! SpongeBob: Uh... Patrick: It's the Clam Burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! [runs up to SpongeBob] Hand over the goods, Secret Box Bandit, and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life! [readies his pillow like a shotgun, ready to attack him] SpongeBob: Wait, wait, wait, Patrick! Stop! [takes off his mask] It's me, SpongeBob! Patrick: [stares at him while clueless] Nice try, burglar, but SpongeBob's my best friend, and he'd never steal from me. SpongeBob: No, really, Patrick! Look! [Patrick gasps. SpongeBob presses a button on the ring] SpongeBob and Patrick BFF Ring: It's the Best Friends Forever, Best Friends Forever Ring! Patrick: Our friendship ring! It is you! [crying as he covers his face with his pillow] How could you do this?! SpongeBob: If it makes you feel any better, I haven't looked inside. [throws the pillow away and snatches the box out of SpongeBob's hands] Patrick: [with a tear coming out of his eye] That's it, SpongeBob! You have crossed the line. As of right now, this friendship is over! SpongeBob: [gasps and tears up himself] Really? Patrick: Nah, you can look inside it if you really want to. SpongeBob: Okay! Oh, this is one of the most exciting moments of my life! Well, here it goes! [he lifts the lid off the box] Huh? Patrick: Well, didn't I tell ya? [we see a string inside the box] Isn't it great? SpongeBob: It's just a string. Patrick: A secret string! SpongeBob: Boy, when you're right, you're right! That's some secret box you've got there! Yeah! Thanks for showing me that. [puts the lid back on the box] Well, good night, Patrick. See you tomorrow. Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob pops out of Patrick's house] SpongeBob: I should've known! It was just a piece of string all along! [laughs] Wait till I tell Gary! Patrick: [laughs menacingly] Good thing he didn't pull the secret string, opening the... [a secret compartment opens] ...secret compartment of my secret box... [takes out a photo] ...revealing one embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob at that Christmas Party! [laughing while cut to the Bikini Atoll] Merry Christmas, SpongeBob! [laughs again as the screen fades to black, ending the episode]
Band Geeks [2.15b]
[edit]- [The episode begins at Squidward's house. Music is heard, which turns out to be Squidward playing his clarinet, until the doorbell rings. The snail doctor is at the door with Incidental 26.]
- Snail doctor: Yeah, uh, we're with the pet hospital down the street, and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.
- [Squidward slams the door shut. The phone rings, and Squidward picks up.]
- Squidward: Hello, you've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the... [plays a note on his clarinet]
- Squilliam Fancyson: Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, old chum?
- Squidward: [gasps] Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!
Squilliam: I hear you're playing the cash register now. Squidward: [stutters] Sometimes. Uh... How's the unibrow? Squilliam: [waves his unibrow] It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big, fancy band now, and we're supposed to play at the Bubble Bowl next week. Squidward: The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh...?! Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dreams, Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us. Squidward: Oh, uh, [stutters] I, uhh... Squilliam: [scoffs] I knew it! You don't even have a band. Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now. Squidward: Hold it! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're gonna play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, fancy boy? Squilliam: Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of... ibuprofen. [Squilliam and Squidward hang up the phones.] Squidward: I've got to drum up a marching band fast! Drum... [chuckles] band humor... [Bubble transition to Sandy. In the following lines, Sandy, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Larry are reading from a poster. Each are in different locations; from a pole, to a bakery window, to Larry's shower.] Sandy: "Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?" Plankton: "Then become part of the greatest musical sensation ever to hit Bikini Bottom..." Mrs. Puff: "...and be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know." Mr. Krabs: "Not to mention... free refreshments!" Larry: "Practice begins tonight, 8:30 sharp." [Transition to Squidward looking at his watch, which reads 8:35, while driving a shell cart. There are boxes of musical instruments, sheet music, and marching uniforms crammed in the back seat.] Squidward: Stupid music rental clerk made me late! That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Heh, elbow, heh... more band humor. [The scene cuts to inside the room, where everyone is there holding instruments and literally saying "blah, blah, blah" amongst themselves as Squidward enters. He walks to the front of the room.] All: Blah, blah, blah... Squidward: People, people, settle down! [The room quiets down.] Okay, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before? Plankton: [holding a triangle; raises hand] Do instruments of torture count? Squidward: No. Patrick: [holding a trombone; raises hand] Is mayonnaise an instrument? Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. [Patrick raises his hand again] Horseradish is not an instrument, either. [Patrick lowers his hand] That's fine, no one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you! [Squidward slaps his knee and laughs. Everyone stays silent.] Mr. Krabs: When do we get the free food? Squidward: Okay, try to repeat after me. [plays a six-note scale on his clarinet] Brass section, go. [brass section repeats badly] Good! Now the wind. [wind section repeats badly] And the drums! [The drumers blow on their sticks, which shoot out of their mouths and pin Squidward to the wall.] Too bad that didn't kill me. [Bubble transition to later.] Squidward: Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now, I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five. SpongeBob: [raises hand] Is this the part where we start kicking? Squidward: No, SpongeBob, that's a chorus line. Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! [kicks Sandy in the leg] Sandy: Why, you... Why, I oughta--! [Sandy jumps on Patrick and starts beating him up until they both roll outside. The doors slam shut.] [Outside, Patrick wails in agony. Everyone stares in silence, then Patrick sticks his head back in.] Patrick: Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on. [Patrick walks in and it is revealed that Sandy has stuck his body into a trombone, with his head sticking out of the bell. As Patrick walks back to his seat, the trombone toots with each step. As he sits, he lets out a long note.] French Narrator: Day two. [The scene shows the band marching down a street while playing badly.] Squidward: Okay, that's perfect, everybody! Bubble Bowl, here we come! Flag twirlers, really spin those things! Okay, turn! Flag twirlers, let's go, I wanna see some spinning! Flag twirlers, let's move! Come on! Move! [The flag twirlers spin so hard that they take off into the sky and crash into a blimp, which causes an explosion. Incidental 41 plays Taps on his trumpet while everyone mourns, except Squidward, who lies down on the ground and curls into a fetal position.] French Narrator: Day three. Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton? Plankton: It's tremendous! You wanna see? [Plankton plays the harmonica by running to and from the individual holes. Soon runs out of breath; on his way to the last note, he pants as he trudges toward it. He blows an unsuccessful last raspberry into the harmonica and collapses.] French Narrator: Day four. Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the show! And I know that you haven't improved since we began... [Patrick chews on a trumpet.] But, I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right? Plankton: [loudly] Correct! Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good! Everybody ready? [The room grins as they raise their instruments.] And a-one, and a-two, and-a one, two, three, four! [The screen cuts to the outside of the music room as a blast of noise ensues, shattering the windows. Cut back inside, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition and his shirt has been ripped. The top half of his baton snaps off.] Squidward: Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us. Harold: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws! Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk? Harold: [loudly] Big... meaty... claws! Mr. Krabs: [raising fists] Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates! Harold: Bring it on, old man! Bring it on! SpongeBob: [stands between them] No, people. Let's be smart and bring it "off". Suzy: Oh, so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us? Squidward: Wait, wait! I know tensions are high... [Every band member gets into a brawl. Incidental 106 and Larry are yelling at each other, Incidental 13 breaks a drum over Incidental 106's body.] Squidward: There's a deposit on that equipment, people! [Every band member uses their instruments as weapons. Mr. Krabs and Harold charge at each other using their instruments as lances; Mrs. Puff slams them both with her cymbals.] Squidward: Settle down, please! [Sandy and Incidental 42 are fighting; Sandy breaks the bars off of Incidental 42's xylophone, who runs away. Patrick kicks Sandy again, who growls at him before producing a trumpet with an evil grin. Patrick runs away screaming as Sandy chases him. The scene cuts to the clock, which changes to 10 o'clock, and everyone immediately stops fighting.] Fred: Hey, class is over. All: [within the crowd, now friendly] Okay, yeah, see ya tomorrow... That was good... Say, what are you doing after...? [The band members walk to the door; Squidward slams it open and stands before them.] Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance at happiness... and crushed it. Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces! I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow... I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks! [cries] Thanks for nothing! [leaves] Patrick: You're welcome. SpongeBob: What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Squidward's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Evelyn, when your little Jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him? Evelyn: A fireman. SpongeBob: And Larry, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you? Larry: Some guy in an ambulance. SpongeBob: Right! So if we all could just pretend that Squidward was a fireman, or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure we could all pull together and discover what it truly means... to be in a marching band. Harold: Yeah, for the fireman! [Everyone cheers.] SpongeBob: Now let's make Squidward proud. [raises baton] A-one, a-two, a skiddly-diddly-doo! [Bubble transition to the Bubble Bowl entrance.] Squidward: I knew this was going to happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that... [zooms out to reveal Squilliam is there] ...Squilliam doesn't find out! Squilliam! [screams] What are you doing here?! Squilliam: [laughs] I just wanted to watch you blow it. So, where's your band? Squidward: Uh... they couldn't come. They... died. Squilliam: Then who's that? [points to SpongeBob and the rest of the band] Squidward: [screams; his eyes pop out] That would be my band! SpongeBob: We're ready to perform, Squidward! Squilliam: Well, Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look. [Cut to SpongeBob dancing cheerfully.] Squidward: That's his... eager face. [Squilliam laughs as Squidward and his band move past him and enter the Bubble Bowl. Squilliam soon enters behind them.] Squidward: I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town... SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Squidward! [The camera cuts to an American football stadium.] Announcer: Okay, football fans, put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Band! [The band rises out of the ground. A crowd of live-action people waving towels and cheering is shown.] Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish. SpongeBob: Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps. Mr. Krabs: I think I'm gonna be sick... Squidward: [nervously] Okay, everybody... [glances at Squilliam, who grins smugly] Let's get this over with. One, two, three... [flinches] four... [The band's horn section plays a perfectly clean fanfare. Squidward opens his eyes, shocked. Plankton plays the opening notes of "Sweet Victory" on a keyboard. The band separates to reveal SpongeBob as the lights dim.] [SpongeBob begins singing, with the voice of David Glen Eisley:] ♪ The winner takes all ♪ ♪ It's the thrill of one more kill ♪ ♪ The last one to fall ♪ ♪ Will never sacrifice their will ♪ [Patrick plays a drum fill as the rest of the band comes in, pyrotechnics and aerial lasers going off.] ♪ Don't ever look back on the world closing in ♪ ♪ Be on the attack with your wings on the wind ♪ ♪ Oh, the games will begin ♪ [The crowd is shown waving lighters with the music. Squilliam stares in shock as Squidward grins at him. He throws his baton behind him and points with both arms, no longer concerned with conducting.] ♪ And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah ♪ [Multiple band members are shown playing and singing along: Sandy on guitar, Mr. Krabs on keytar, and Plankton providing backup vocals. Squidward, meanwhile, gestures emotionally along with the music.] ♪ And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight ♪ [Squilliam clutches his chest and faints, his eyes rolling back. He is carried away on a stretcher; Squidward waves a smug goodbye to him and runs to the middle of the stage, raising his fists as pyrotechnics go off around him.] ♪ And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah ♪ [Mrs. Puff is shown playing guitar, gritting her teeth.] ♪ And the one who's last to fall ♪ [Patrick plays another drum fill as Squidward dances wildly.] ♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet victory... ♪ [Squidward jumps in the air in triumph, and the scene freezes. The screen fades to black, ending the episode.]
Episode 16
[edit]Graveyard Shift [2.16a]
[edit]- [The episode begins at night at the Krusty Krab. It's closing time.]
- French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
- Squidward: [switches the "Open" sign to "Closed"] Now! 8 o'clock! [takes off his Krusty Krab uniform hat] So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is [pulls out his clarinet] Clarinet. [Tom shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Squidward to drop his clarinet] What?
- Tom: Are you open?
- Squidward: [points to the sign] Read the sign.
- Tom: [ignores him] I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.
- Squidward: No, you won't. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!
- Tom: Well, fine, if you don't want my money!
- Mr. Krabs: Money?! [Mr. Krabs falls from the ceiling on top of Squidward] You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?
- Tom: [pulls out cash; Incidental 49, Incidental 30, and Incidental 85 appear behind him] Sure.
- Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, [tears up the "Closed" sign] welcome to the night shift. From now on, [he puts a spare Krusty Krab uniform hat on Squidward's head] the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day.
- Squidward: [gets up] What?! [crowd of fish barge in cheering and tramples Squidward]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
- Squidward: [gets up again] Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: See ya in the mornin', boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. [leaves]
- SpongeBob: Isn't this great Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun'll come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'll still be working. It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and we'll be covered with grease! [jumps on cash register counter] Are you ready to rock, Squidward?!
- Squidward: No.
- SpongeBob: Good! 'Cause we've got customers!
- Squidward: [hands a customer a baseball bat] Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
- SpongeBob: Psst, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen... [laughs] at night.
- Squidward: [takes hat off; leans head on counter] Don't hold back.
- SpongeBob: [cuts to SpongeBob in kitchen] Hey Squidward. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself] Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill] Ow! I burned my hand! At night. [cuts to SpongeBob walking on the counter] Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-night-na-night! NIGHT!
- Squidward: WILL YOU PLEASE?! [hands SpongeBob a bag of garbage] Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash.
- Squidward: Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him The Ha-- [breaks into scream] because that's all they have time to say before he... GETS THEM!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Tell me the story!
- Squidward: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook, just... like... you... only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties... it happened.
- SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
- Squidward: No.
- SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
- Squidward: No.
- SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
- Squidward: No! He cut off his own hand by mistake!
- SpongeBob: You mean like this? [pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place, much to Squidward's shock] Or like this? [continues pulling out his arms] Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this, or this, or this.
- Squidward: [interrupts; annoyed] Except he wasn't a sponge!
- SpongeBob: So?
- Squidward: SO IT DIDN'T GROW BACK!
- SpongeBob: Oh no! [all extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]
- Squidward: And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And at his funeral, they fired him! So now, every... what day is it?
- SpongeBob: Tuesday.
- Squidward: Tuesday night, his ghost returns to The Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance...
- SpongeBob: [gasps] But tonight's Tuesday night!
- Squidward: Then he'll be coming.
- SpongeBob: How will we know?
- Squidward: There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next...
- Harold: [interrupts] Dude, can I have some ketchup?
- Squidward: Oh, here you go. [hands him ketchup packet] Next, the phone will ring, and there will be nobody there. [shows SpongeBob eating his fingernails] And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over! [shows SpongeBob eating his fingernails, starts eating his arms, the arms regrow and he eats those] Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways... because he's already dead! [SpongeBob begins eating his hands like popcorn] Then he taps on the window with his grisly spatula hand...
- SpongeBob: No...!
- Squidward: He opens the door... [pushes his tentacle to SpongeBob's face, making it looking like he's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a creaky door opening. leans towards SpongeBob's face, which sinks in] He slowly approaches the counter! ["counter" echoes menacingly] And y'know what he does next?
- SpongeBob: What?
- Squidward: You really want to know?
- SpongeBob: What?
- Squidward: Are you sure you want to know?
- SpongeBob: What?! What?! What does he do?!
- Squidward: [sneaks up on SpongeBob, then taps him] He gets ya!
- [SpongeBob screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Squidward is laughing. Everyone stares at SpongeBob in confusion and concern. Squidward eventually stops laughing.]
- Squidward: SpongeBob [SpongeBob continues screaming]
- SpongeBob, I was- [SpongeBob continues screaming] I was j- [SpongeBob continues screaming] I was jus- [SpongeBob's pupils are now screaming, too, causing Squidward to lose his temper] SpongeBob, I was joking!
- SpongeBob: What?
- Squidward: It's not true. None of it's true.
- SpongeBob: It's not?
- Squidward: Of course not! Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.
- SpongeBob: Oh... [laughs repeatedly like he did with screaming, much to Squidward's annoyance.]
- Squidward: Open 24 hours a day, what a stupid idea. Who wants a Krabby Patty at 3 in the morning?
- [Cuts to Patrick in bed; his alarm clock rings, and he wakes up]
- Patrick: Oh, boy! 3:00 AM! [eats a Krabby Patty]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, there are two problems with your theory. One: I hate you. And two: how can that be me when I'm standing right here?
- [The man taps on the door with his spatula. SpongeBob shrieks loudly in terror to the point where his eyelashes grow and start wiggling.]
- Richard: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. [holds up spatula] I called here earlier but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
- SpongeBob: Do you have references?
- Squidward: When was you on the phone, and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights?
- Squidward, SpongeBob, and Richard: [they look at Nosferatu] Nosferatu! [Nosferatu smiles, and the lights go off while ending the episode]
Krusty Love [2.16b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Hey, that's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
- Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff? [disappointed] Aww, she's married...
- SpongeBob: Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
- Mr. Krabs: Then, what happened to Mr. Puff?
- [cut to a live-action shot of a pufferfish, being used as a lamp]
- SpongeBob: She doesn't like to talk about it.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught ya. I want ya to buy Mrs. Puff--
- SpongeBob: [holds up his arms] Wait! Don't tell me! You want me to run down to the store, and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need! Then you want me to RUN back here, [flails his legs back and forth] so you can say, [pulls his eyes through the top of his head so they look like Krabs' eyes and mimics Krabs' voice] "Arrgh, SpongeBob, you're spending' all me money!" And then I'll say, "But Mr. Krabs! I'm only doing WHAT YOU SAID!" Then you'll say, "We're not talkin' about this [draws a triangle with dashed lines in the air with his finger], or THIS [draws a square with dashed lines], we're talkin' about THIIIIIIIS!" [draws a ton of directionless squiggly lines; pants]
- Mr. Krabs: But, lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff needs this!
- Mrs. Puff: [surrounded by all the nice gifts Krabs had SpongeBob buy her] Are we... going to the park soon?
- Mr. Krabs: Please, lad, I'm beggin' ya! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! [Starts to cry]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Come on. Okay, I, I'm gonna get it, see? [Walks off-screen, and comes back with a washing machine] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs, Here's that washing machine you wanted.
- Mr. Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up... when you're spendin' all me hard-earned cash?!
- SpongeBob: See?! You just did it AGAIN!
- Mr. Krabs: Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money! [SpongeBob gets a blank expression on his face] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
- SpongeBob: [stoically] Well, Mr. Krabs, do you wanna know what I think? [cut to Mrs. Puff] ARRGH...!! REGGA FLEBBA BREEKA BRECKA SMULLEN-ELLEN MR. KRABS!!! YEGGA HEGGA MERGIN WALLET!!! DIMMY MIDDY SPEND!!! RIVY FLIVY DIVA SHIVA MR. KRABS’ WALLET!!!!!
- [Mrs. Puff reads what he said in a dictionary; SpongeBob marches past her grumbling in anger as Mr. Krabs is left smack-jawed.]
- Mrs. Puff: I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say, too Mr. Krabs. [she kicks off her shoes] I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. [she removes her hat and coat] I'd rather go Dutch...if you don't mind. [She pulls out her wallet and gives Mr. Krabs some money]
- Krabs: Uh, ok.
- Mrs. Puff: You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs.
- [She kisses his left eye and both eyes form the shape of a heart as the episode ends].
Episode 17
[edit]Procastination [2.17a]
[edit]- [SpongeBob's clock spins, breaks and comes to life]
- Clock: [ghostly voice] Time's up, SpongeBob...
- [SpongeBob gasps and shrieks as the flame of the candle comes to life. The fire wick walks up to the essay and picks it up]
- Fire wick: Only 799 words to go... [burns the paper and laughs sinisterly]
- SpongeBob: No! [the fire wick sets his house on fire. He screams] What have I done?! [runs around the house, yelling] Help! Help! My house is on fire! [continues running around his burning house until it comes to life]
- SpongeBob's house: SpongeBob, why?! Why did you set me on fire, SpongeBob?! Why don't you just write your essay?! [wailing] STOP WASTING TIME!!!
- [The scene suddenly changes back to SpongeBob's desk, revealing he fell asleep and had an episode-long nightmare before waking up with a start, pencil and paper stuck to his face.]
- SpongeBob: Huh?! [gets his pencil off] Where's my essay? [sees it on his forehead] Oh, there you are. Hahaha...I must've dozed off!
I'm With Stupid [2.17b]
[edit][Patrick's house is shaking. SpongeBob knocks on it. Every time he does, it closes. He opens it himself. Patrick is cleaning frantically. He feather-dusts SpongeBob.] Patrick: Need... furniture! [makes a lamp post model out of the sand, then licks it to make it remain in shape; he then makes a sand drawer, television, stool, and a couch. The whole time he is still frantically mumbling.] SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement? [Patrick barks like a dog and continues to clean.] SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! Patrick: Ooh, sweep, sweep! [sweeps around the walls of his house and the air] SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing, but I can see you're busy having an episode. Patrick: [stops cleaning and his face turns mad] You know something, SpongeBob? It's just all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. [imitates SpongeBob] "Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do!" Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has anything to dust or to clean or to wipe! Or fabricate! SpongeBob: But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate. Patrick: [snaps out of being angry and starts crying] I don't know what to do, SpongeBob! You gotta help me! SpongeBob: Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel! Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob! It's worse! SpongeBob: Darn, I like the funnel. Well, what is it, then? Patrick: Look! [takes out a rolled-up flashcard from his belly button] SpongeBob: Hey, a note! [shows a sixteenth note from the paper note] Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over, there's a letter! [The letter B is shown from the paper note.] SpongeBob: You're right! Patrick: And I got this message from my parents! [hands out a small message] SpongeBob: Your parents? [reads the message out loud] "Dear Patrick, your mom and I are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day. Please try to remember, but don't try too hard, or you'll hurt yourself like last time. Love, Daddy." Patrick: SpongeBob, my parents think I'm dumber than a sack of diapers. SpongeBob: No, they don't, Patrick. Parents just like to push your buttons. Like this! [pushes Patrick's nipples and his eyes elongate] Nee! Patrick: [laughs] That always cheers me up. [his eyes go back to normal] But not today. SpongeBob: Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb, then they must not know what dumb really is. Patrick: But don't they watch television? SpongeBob: That's what I'm saying, Pat. If your parents got to meet a real dummy, they'd realize what a genius you really are. Patrick: But don't geniuses live in a lamp? And besides, we don't know any dumb people. SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick. I'll be the dummy! When your parents see how dumb I act, they'll think you're the smartest guy ever. Patrick: Math is power! [Bubble transition to the next day. Patrick is in front of his mirror.] Patrick: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... [the doorbell rings] Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...! Janet: Should I get the bullhorn again, Marty? Patrick: W, X, Y, and Z! [Marty doesn't realize the door has been opened and knocks on Patrick's head] Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Marty: Son, you recognized us this time. Patrick: Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents? Marty: You never were a bright one. [Patrick groans. Marty laughs.] Marty: Well, aren't you gonna show us inside? Janet: He probably forgot where it is. Patrick: Well, I know where it... Marty: Oh, let me lead the way so we don't get lost. [Patrick, Marty, and Janet hold hands] Huh? Hold hands now! [inside the house] Okay, we're almost there! Let go on three. One... two... three! [Marty and Janet let go of Patrick's hands on three] Janet: Good job! Marty and Janet: Pats for Patrick! [both laugh as Patrick looks annoyed] Patrick: I'll go get the beverages. [leaves, then comes back with a tray with three drinks on it] Marty: Wow, son. You put the drinks in something this time. Ah, son, you must've been working all night to put these together for us. Janet and Marty: We love you. [both kiss Patrick as he looks even more annoyed and groans] Patrick: [the doorbell rings] Hooray, the idiot's here! I mean, I'll get it. [Outside, SpongeBob is putting on his karate helmet.] SpongeBob: Protective helmet, check. Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary. Gary: Meow? [goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob: What could go wrong? [Patrick's rock opens.] Patrick: What a surprise. SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: Hi. Marty: Hello there. Janet: How do you do? SpongeBob: Hi. [walks to Patrick's parents] Marty: Put 'er there. [SpongeBob puts a doll on his hand.] Doll: Mama! Mama! Patrick: He means "shake." [SpongeBob shakes his entire body] No, SpongeBob, no! Shake hands. [SpongeBob shakes both his hands] No, SpongeBob. Grab my dad's hand. [puts both his hands and his left leg on Marty's hand] Grab it with only one hand. [puts his left leg and hand down] Good boy! Now, move your arm up and down. [SpongeBob moves his shoulder up and down. Patrick giggles] Janet: So, SpongeBob. Do you live nearby? SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: No, SpongeBob. Show them your house. [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and reveals a blouse] No, not your blouse, your house. [SpongeBob screams and runs over to his house. He runs into the shell and gets stuck.] Janet: He lives in a fruit? Marty: That's unhealthy. [Patrick tries hard not to laugh but he sweats.] Patrick: [giggles] Hey, SpongeBob! You wanna stay for dinner? SpongeBob: [babbling like an idiot] [Later, Patrick, Marty, and Janet are watching television while eating TV dinners.] Marty: Does he always do that after he eats? Patrick: Only on Wednesday. [Pan over to SpongeBob pushing his nose to reveal his underwear. When he lets go, his pants pull up by themselves. This is repeated a few times. SpongeBob makes a buzzer sound after that. Patrick giggles.] Marty: [starts giggling with Patrick] Uh, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken. Patrick: Yeah. And it would take more than some masking tape to fix that guy. [SpongeBob balances on his nose while making a fire truck siren sound. Makes other various sounds, including a cat yowl sound.] Marty: Whoa! Is he gonna be okay? [seal barks] Patrick: Oh, that's nothing. [dolphin chirps] You should see him in the morning prancing around yelling [monkey screeches] "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!" [rooster crows] He drives all the neighbors crazy. [horn sounds, school bell rings, donkey brays] Why, just the other day, our neighbor Squidward was- [SpongeBob jumps backwards over Patrick, Janet, and Marty, who all duck their heads in time, while making an elephant trumpet sound, then he crashes on something nearby.] Patrick: ...was really no help for him. [SpongeBob makes imprints of his front and back twice on the wall, as he makes funny horn sounds.] Patrick: I mean, look at the way he's dressed. Only somebody with holes drilled in their head would wear that stuff. And how about his shape? I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested, [points at SpongeBob, then shows a closeup of his pants] but never box-chested! [Janet, Marty, and Patrick laugh, but SpongeBob frowns] Hey, SpongeBob, do you have any mascara I could borrow? [rolls his fingers over SpongeBob's eyebrows, twanging to sound like elastic rubber bands] Marty: [chuckles] The boy wears make-up? Janet: What a card! [everyone laughs, except SpongeBob, now very annoyed] SpongeBob: [confused] Hey, Patrick. Patrick! Patrick: Aw, [points at SpongeBob] he said my name. Marty: Wow, how'd you train him to do that? [Patrick, Janet, and Marty all laugh, while SpongeBob is mad. He bites Patrick's finger.] Patrick: Ow! He bit me! SpongeBob: Patrick, meet me in the kitchen. Patrick: Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation. [Janet and Marty laugh] A dumb one! [they laugh again, as SpongeBob and Patrick enter the kitchen] So, what's on your mind? Oh, wait, I already know the answer. Nothing! [laughs very hard] See, that's funny. 'Cause you're dumb! SpongeBob: Patrick, could you let up on the insults just a little bit? Patrick: Oh, were those too complicated for you? I'll try dumb-ing them down a bit. SpongeBob: Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb! [SpongeBob glances at Patrick's T-shirt, "I'M WITH THE DUMMY" with an arrow pointing towards SpongeBob.] Patrick: That's just what I'd expect you to say. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are. [drools] SpongeBob: I'm only pretending to be dumb. It was our plan, remember? Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could see how stupid you sound right now, [SpongeBob is shocked] with your talk of imaginary plans... Tell you what. You've caught me at a good mood. I'll humor you. Go on, go out there and act "smart" for everyone. SpongeBob: Okay, I will! [takes off his helmet and gives it to Patrick] Patrick: [puts on the helmet] And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for ya. SpongeBob: [in front of Janet and Marty, clears throat] I have a confession to make. I lied about being stupid. I just acted like a fool so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more. I know how to talk, and eat, and do laundry. I even separate the darks from the lights. So what do you say we start over and try again? [holds out his hand] Hi! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants, and I am not a dummy. Marty: [laughs] Amazing! Three minutes in the kitchen and our son has taught him to talk in complete sentences. [puts his right thumb up] Oh, good work, son. Patrick: [puts his left thumb up] It wasn't easy, Dad. SpongeBob: [sputtering] But... but, but, but, but, but, but... Janet: It looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man! SpongeBob: Now, listen to me! I'm not dumb! I have a brain! See? Here's a picture of it. [he shows them a small picture of his brain] Patrick: That must be actual size. [all except SpongeBob laugh] SpongeBob: No! It's normal size and fully functional. Watch. [writes "2 + 2 = 4" on Patrick's chalkboard] Two plus two equals four! Marty: Oh, son, you taught him math, too. SpongeBob: No! Marty: And you taught him to sing. [SpongeBob is blabbering and sputtering, then starts tensing up] Oh, now he's short-circuiting. You must have taught him a little too much. [SpongeBob imagines the three all laughing hard, because of SpongeBob's intelligence. Marty and Janet look at each other and laugh; then the three starfish all do the can-can. He imagines the three popping out of SpongeBob's pores. SpongeBob is inside Janet, who is laughing, inside Marty, who is also laughing, inside Patrick, who is also laughing, inside his eye.] SpongeBob: Allleee! [starts to run towards the wall, crashing through the wall outside] Marty: You know, son, I've always known that when it comes to brightness, well, you're about a three-watt. But this guy. He's a wet match in a dark cave. He makes phone operators seem smart. [clears his throat] But more importantly, son, he's shown me what a sharp, quick-witted boy you've become. [hugs him] Ha! I feel like I'm really meeting you for the first time. Isn't that right, Janet? Janet: You bet, Marty. Patrick: [his eyes widen and is now in shock] Janet?! Marty?! Who are you people?! Janet: Marty, I'm scared! [The doorbell rings, then the rock opens up. Squidward (who's looking put out), Herb, and Margie are outside his rock. Squidward answers the door.] Squidward: Excuse me? Does this lovely couple belong to you? They've been standing outside my house saying "Where's Patrick?" all day. It's driving me nuts! [Janet and Marty are standing outside.] Patrick: Mom! Dad! [hugs them] Herb Star: Wow, son. You actually recognized us this time. Margie Star: And you remembered to get dressed today. [Patrick, Herb, and Margie laugh] Marty: Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son. Janet: Oh, yeah. [Both Janet and Marty walk out of Patrick's house. Patrick and his parents keep on laughing as his rock closes over them, then the screen fades to black, ending the episode.]
Episode 18
[edit]Sailor Mouth [2.18a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: [speaks into microphone] Attention, customers, today's special is a [dolphin chirp] Krabby Patty served in a greasy [dolphin chirp] sauce and grilled to [dolphin chirp] perfection. [One customer drops his patty. Another is so shocked even the food he's chewing freezes midair. A mother octopus covers her laughing children's ears] And don't forget to ask us to [dolphin chirp] the [dolphin chirp] fries. It will be our [dolphin chirp] pleasure. [a giant human ear pops out of Squidward's head; he pushes it back in] Hi, Squidward, how the [dolphin chirp] are ya?
- Patrick: Nice [dolphin chirp] day we're having, isn't it, Squidward?
- Mr. Krabs: Huh? The Krusty Krab, she's empty! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all me beautiful paying customers gone?
- Squidward: Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, what was it? What did he say?
- Squidward: Uh, he said, uh, well, he said... [whispers the word]
- Mr. Krabs: Huh?
- Squidward: [whispers the word again]
- Mr. Krabs: [gasps] SpongeBob and friend! Front and center! Why, I oughta make the two of you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language!
- SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, we were only using our sentence enhancers.
- Patrick: Yeah, it's fancy talk.
- Mr. Krabs: There ain't nothing fancy about that word!
- SpongeBob: You mean [dolphin chirp]?
- Mr. Krabs: Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It's a bad word!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Bad word?!
- Mr. Krabs: Yes, siree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.
- Squidward: Don't you mean there are only 7?
- Mr. Krabs: Not if you're a sailor. [laughs]
- SpongeBob: Wow, 13.
- Patrick: That's a lot of [dolphin chirp] bad words.
- Mr. Krabs: Okay, boys, I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: We promise.
Artist Unknown [2.18b]
[edit]- Squidward: Now repeat after me. I have no talent.
- SpongeBob: I have no talent.
- Squidward: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
- Squidward: If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacle's talent will rub off on me.
- SpongeBob: If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art.
- [Pause]
- Squidward: [unenthusiastically] Whatever.
- Squidward: Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artist. I call this one: "Squidward en repose".
- Monty: I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.
- Squidward: Why not?
- Monty: Because it's an art collection. [laughs]
- Squidward: How about this one? I call it "Bold and Brash".
- Monty: More like: "Belongs in the Trash". [Laughs]
Episode 19
[edit]Jellyfish Hunter [2.19a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: But sir, how many jellyfish do you need?
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, we have a whole ego system for the hungry paying customers. Oh no! Don't tell me. [gasping] YOU'VE STOPPED CARING FOR ME COSTUMER!
- SpongeBob: AAAH! NO, NEVER!
- Mr. Krabs: Then go out there, and get me some more jellies!
- SpongeBob : Okay, Mr. Krabs. Just make sure the jellyfish are comfortable. They are O’so sensitive.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, I’ll keep them comfortable, alright, inside me wallet.
- Mr. Krabs: More, SpongeBob! What don't you understand about "More"!? [multiple of SpongeBobs are watching jellyfishes] MORE! MORE! More! More! More. More! More! [grimaces and demands more] More, more, more, more, more! MORE!!
- [Cut to night. A sign reading "Jellyfish Fields: Population 0" is seen.]
- SpongeBob: Well, there's no more! Now, that's jellyfishing!
- [No Name follows SpongeBob.]
- Mr. Krabs: You'll never catch me! [He tries to pedal away as he laughs madly] What? [Looks down to see the exercycle is bolted to the floor.] Blasted exercise craze.
[The jellyfish sting Mr. Krabs and he yells in pain. The jellyfish escape out the door, possibly back to Jellyfish Fields.]
- SpongeBob: Goodbye, friends!
- Mr. Krabs: [walks out of the factory and is incredibly burned with black smoke and weakly voice] I'm taking jelly off the menu. [leaves]
The Fry Cook Games [2.19b]
[edit]- Patrick: D'oh, come on, you're just flipping Patties.
- SpongeBob: Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds! [Patrick flips over a rock with his foot and makes a sizzling noise] Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the "Laying Under a Rock All Day" Games.
- Patrick: Well, at least, I don't polish my fingernails!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] You take that back! [a gleam shows at the tip of his fingernails]
- Patrick: [mocking] Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!
- SpongeBob: You don't even have fingernails!
- Patrick: I cannot believe what I am hearing!
- SpongeBob: How can you hear?! You don't have ears either!
- Patrick: Er...Holes, holes!
- SpongeBob: Conehead!
- Patrick: Yellow!
- SpongeBob: Pink!
- [The Deep fry pole vault.]
- Mr. Krabs: Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
- SpongeBob: FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB!!!
- [flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers]
- Plankton: Win this one because I told you to.
- Patrick: BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!!! [flips over the poles, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp]
- Lou: Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!
- [Heavy metal music plays. The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot]
- Patrick: Forget the Chum Bucket! This is personal. [takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and screams as he lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick; he slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick," leaving "Rick"] No! My name's not Rick! [tackles SpongeBob in a puff of smoke]
- [the two wrestle once more before they stop]
- SpongeBob: I don't like you!
- Patrick: I don't like you more!
- SpongeBob: I never liked you!
- Patrick: I 1,000 times never liked you!
- SpongeBob: Pink!
- Patrick: Yellow!
- [They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear is pink]
- SpongeBob: Yellow.
- Patrick: Pink?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [their eyes start to water] You do care! [both start crying and hug each other]
- SpongeBob: Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.
- Patrick: Yeah, pal. Let's go home.
- [both walk away holding hands and whistling while the audience boos]
- Mr. Krabs: Hey! Where ya going?
- Plankton: Get back here and kill each other!
- Patrick: You're my best friend ever.
- SpongeBob: You too, Patrick.
- Patrick: You know, these were white when I bought 'em.
Episode 20
[edit]Squid on Strike [2.20a]
[edit]- Squidward: Nobody cares about the fate of laborers as long as they can get their instant gratification.
Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm [2.20b]
[edit]- Sandy: SpongeBob, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, Who's the strongest critter in Bikini Bottom? [pulls a live-action boat down underwater by its anchor]
- SpongeBob: You are.
- Sandy: And who put the, hiyah-hah-huah, "K" in "karate"?
- SpongeBob: [body is shaped like a "U"] You did.
- Sandy: And who saves your yellow backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?
- [SpongeBob's backside reads "Property of Sandy Cheeks" printed on it]
- SpongeBob: You do.
Cast
[edit]- Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, Fish #1, Fish #2, Scotsman, Fish #50, Squid Guard, Squid #2, Fish #71, Muscle Salesguy, Balloon Salesman, Old Fish, Singer #1, Larry, Dad, Woman, Waiter, Clock, Sailor, Fish 1, Big Guy, Vendor, Hook Fish, Fish 156, Teenager 1
- William 'Bill' Fagerbakke as Patrick, Fish #1, Man with Bag, Painter, Fish #6, Victim, Singer #2, Rex, Dr. Manowar, Pants, Fish 4, Tomato Fish
- Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Vender #2, Penny, TV Fish, Man, Singer #4, Fish 1, Salesman
- Rodger Bumpass as Squidward, Doctor, Voice #3, Rick, Gerbil, Singer #3, Spotter #1, Doctor, Squid Drawing, Veterinarian, Restaurant Fish, Worm, Door Fish, Fish 4, Fish 38, Wheelbarrow Fish
- Doug Lawrence as Fish #1, Fish #2, Deliever Fish, Customer #3, Larry, Delivery Man, Guy #4, Voice #4, Fish #1, Plankton, Pirate, Fish #1, Fish #40, Cop #1, Fish #2, Fish #2, Copy #1, Reporter, Security Guard, Fish #4, Spotter #2, Fish #4, Fish #5, Hot Dog Guy, P.A., Reporter, Artist, Mailman, Newsman, Student, Old Man Jenkins, Fish 1, Pants Fish, Fish 1, Chip
- Lori A. as Lady, Pearl
- Sirena Irwin as Eel, Loop, Crossing Guard, Band Member #1, Kernal, Wife Fish, Teen Fish, Teen, Customer #2, Fish #5, Fish #7, Larry's Girl, Snooty Woman, Spider, Girl #1, Girls #2, Girl #45, Squid #1, Squidette, Fish #4, #40, Woman Fish, Woman Fish, Mom, Teller, Honey, Mom, Girl Fish #1, Fish 2, Lady Fish, Mother, Auntie Fish, Old Lady Fish, Fish 65, Teenager 2
- Dee Bradley Baker as Fish #4, Fish #6, Ticket Fish, Band Member #2, Husband Fish, Customer #1, Lifeguard, Fish #3, Fish #8, Fish #7, Fish #9, Fish #10, Captain, Cutomer #1, Fish #1, Starving Fish, Tongue Fish, Fish #6, #104, #25, Fish #2, Man on TV, Spokesman, Squid #3, Fish #1, #3, #5, #23, #31, #41, Bad Crab, Guy, Cop #2, Fish #1, #3, #4, Singer #5, Mr. Krabs Solo, Fish #1, Cop #2, Kevin, Call, Queen Jellyfish, Joe, Fish #2, Policeman, Squilliam, Fighter Fish, Fish 1, Richard, Customer 40, Customer 6, Chair, Fire Imp, House, Pirate, Fish 2, Fish 5, Janitor, Monty P. Moneybags, Workout Fish, Robot, Little Fish, Guy with Torch, Thrower, Fish 2, Cop, Fun Fish
- Carlos A as Fish #2, #3, #5, #7, Band Leader, Scooter, Angel, Fish #4, Vendor #1, Fish #1, Fish #1, Photographer, Surfer, Moat Fish
- Carol L. as Sandy, Woman, Voice #2, Girl #2, Evelyn
- Jillan Talley as Karen, Phyllis, Girl #27, Ladies
- M.J. Catlett as Mrs. Puff
- Mike Mulloy as Real Dad, Marty Dad
