SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 (Main) | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral / The Patrick Star Show

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SpongeBob SquarePants (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.

Episode 1

A Place for Pets [13.1a]

Mr. Krabs: Squidward?

Squidward: Yes, Mr.- achoo! Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Why don't all these new pets have patties in front of them, I'm running a business, not a showdown.

Lockdown for Love [13.1b]

Karen: Ah, I'm floating on air! A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner, and our wedding song is playing! Oh, this day is perfect.

Plankton: No, you're perfect, Karen. You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have! [types on keyboard] Bon-bon?

Karen: Oh, I shouldn't.

Episode 2

Under the Small Top [13.2a]

SpongeBob: I Sent this for me yesterday, and i'm still waiting.

Announcer: Bummer, Dude!

SpongeBob: What?

Announcer: Bummer Dude action figures, they're miserable. [SpongeBob Turns off the TV]

Mailman: Hey, hey, hey spongebob, got a buncha great stuff for you today [holds up a catalog] The New "Spatula Emporium" Catalog

SpongeBob: No

Mailman: [Holds up a Check] Free Money from the sweepstakes you won.

SpongeBob: [Tears off a check] No.

Mailman: [Holds up a letter] A Letter from your family?

SpongeBob: [eats it up] No, how about packages, do you have any packages for me?

Mailman: Nope, No Packages, Sorry to Disappoint You, SpongeBob.

Squidward's Sick Daze [13.2b]

SpongeBob: Well, that was fun. Now let's check that thermometer again, shall we?

Squidward: [giving SpongeBob the thermometer] Here you go.

SpongeBob: [looks at the thermometer as it quickly rises in temperature, and his eyes turn into thermometers as well. They both explode] Yikes! A fever! Squidward, we gotta cool you off! [puts Squidward into the sink and turns on the sink]

Squidward: Stop!

SpongeBob: You're right, you need even colder. [he runs to a tundra, runs up a mountain, enters a cave, and scares a blue sea bear as he comes out with a bucket of ice] Thank you!

Squidward: [gets off the sink, leaving a huge square indent in his butt] Oh boy.

SpongeBob: [splashes the cold water onto Squidward] There. All better?

Squidward: [shivering] No, you buffoon!

SpongeBob: You're right, Squidward. I have been... buffoon.

Squidward: What?!

SpongeBob: I've been treating the symptoms instead of the sickness! [pulls out a saw]

Squidward: Stay away from me with that thing!

SpongeBob: But we have to figure out what you have so we can treat it!

Squidward: [sweating] No, um, I already know what I have, it's, uh, acute... uh... spotting, uh, sclorboritis.

SpongeBob: [His eyes bulge out] Acute spotting sclorboritis?! I've never heard of that one. [holds out a book] Better look it up. [blows onto the book to remove the dust, which gets into Squidward's nose, making him sneeze multiple times] Oh, you're getting worse! We've gotta find a cure fast! [rapidly flips through pages] I found it. Here it is.

Squidward: [sniffling, snot dripping] You did?

SpongeBob: Yup. And the cure seems pretty simple. [he shows the pages to Squidward as a screaming sound effect plays] See?

Squidward: [pushes the book down] Uh, wait, wait, did I say acute spotting sclorboritis? No no no, I must've meant... uh, uh, plerkinton's syndrome.

Episode 3

Pat the Dog [13.3a]

Marvin: What? You did it. You're a miracle worker.

Squidward: Well, I don't like to brag, but--

Marvin: That's great. We've got a problem worm that needs training.

Squidward: What?

Marvin: [whistles] Bring him in, fellas! Say hello to Butcher.

Squidward: [screams]

Butcher: [animal sounds]

Squidward: Heel, heel! Ah, stop--heel, heel--fetch, heel, heel!

Goofy Scoopers [13.3b]

[The Goofy Manager is in front of Goofy Goober's, looking through some keys on a ring.]

SpongeBob: [leaning in] Good morning!

Goofy Manager: [screams, scared] I don't carry cash! [freezes, then opens his eyes] Huh?[SpongeBob and Patrick are wearing peanut sleeping bags, in front of a tent and burnt-out campfire.]

Goofy Manager: [disappointed] It's you two.

Patrick: We camped out all night to see the Gooey Sneakers.

SpongeBob: Goofy Scoopers. [steps out of sleeping bag]

Patrick: Yeah, them! [pokes head, making a hollow sound] They're gonna write on my head!

Goofy Manager: [sneaky] Well... about that... [SpongeBob and the manager go inside. Patrick doesn't move, and SpongeBob drags him and his sleeping bag inside.] The Goofy Scoopers are over. Too old fashioned. The kids want a new sound.

SpongeBob and Patrick: A new sound!?

Goofy Manager: [gestures to stage] That's right, I brought in an act you're going to flip over![The curtains open, revealing a robot of an ice cream cone wearing sunglasses, headphones, and a backwards cap. He stands at a stereo with a laptop on it and an insignia with two ice cream cones, labeled "2" and "S", on the side.] Say hello to... DJ 2 Sc00pz! [DJ 2 Sc00pz presses a button on his laptop. The background behind the stage shows a techno tunnel as EDM music plays. Kids run up and start dancing.]

SpongeBob: [covering his ears] Sorry, but the Goofy Scoopers are the only ice cream themed musical robot act [folds his arms] we'll ever love.[SpongeBob opens his eyes to see Patrick dancing to DJ 2 Sc00pz's music.

Patrick: [rhythmic grunting]

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't give in to its seductive [imitates a robot] womp-womps and wub-wubs. Please, Mr. Manager, you have to tell us where the Scoopers are! [a thought bubble appears, growing and changing with each location listed] Are they playing at a coffee house? Are they playing the Bikini Bottom Bowl? Or on a world tour?

Goofy Manager: No! [waves the thought bubble away] Oh, my, no. [points behind him] I threw those old robots in the garbage. They're never playing anywhere again.

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SpongeBob: Patrick, it's Clem Clam!

Patrick: [pounds his fists] Let's get him!

SpongeBob: W-w-wait, Patrick. We're here to make friends with him, don't you remember?

Patrick: Obviously, I do not.

SpongeBob: [rubbing his chin] How are we gonna get him to play the show? [gets an idea] I got it! We'll appeal to his intellect with sound reasoning and convincing arguments!

[SpongeBob and Patrick grovel and beg in front of Clem, who is inflating balloons.]

SpongeBob: [crying] Please!

Patrick: [crying] We need you!

SpongeBob: [crying] You gotta come back, you just gotta!

Clem: [ties balloon] You can cool it, cats. Whatever your scheme is, I'm in. [gives balloon to SpongeBob] Just get me out of this crazy circus. I'm terrified of clowns, man.

[A circus tent opens, revealing a clown with a yellow eyes and an evil smile, as honking and evil laughter is heard. Clem shudders.]

SpongeBob: Well, that's great, Mr. Clem Clam, because tomorrow night, [puts his hand around Patrick] we're getting the band back together. Reunion show tomorrow night at Goofy Goober's. So far, you're the only one we've found, though.

Clem: You know, the circus's least flexible contortionist saw Bongos Bear [points right] at that massage place downtown, man.

Episode 4

Something Narwhal This Way Comes [13.4a]

Plankton: [thunderclap] Sure! I can get rid of those nearwhal nimrods for ya. [chuckles] Their stupid family has being feuding with my stupid family for years!

Narlene: Oh, I've seen it. Them Plankton sure know how to hold a grudge! [Her, Nobby, and Plankton agree]

Plankton: Ah! [pulls up an old phone and spins the handle]

[The next scene shows Clem sleeping next to the phone ringing until he wakes up scared and answers the phone.]

Clem: How do?

Plankton: [terrified yelling] Nearwhals!

Plankton's cousins: Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Feud!

Plankton: Voilà! Hm, huh?[Plankton's cousins come out of the phone and walk on him, SpongeBob, Narlene and Nobby hide behind a rock]

Plankton's cousins: Get them nearwhals!

Nearwhal: [dancing until he sees the plankton] Huh? [Plankton jumps and start biting them]

Ma Angler (Plankton): Consagrn nearwhals! [plankton start biting the nearwhal] Give 'em the itch, plankton! [they start biting the nearwhals]

C.H.U.M.S. [13.4b]

SpongeBob: [The F.U.N. song starts playing on his headphones and splashes the windows with soap. He grabs the hose and it spins him around] Whoa, whoa! [Spraying the water to the soap in the letters] F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me! [Sprays water inside him and he inflates to the third window and sprays out water to make an N] N is for anywhere and anytime at all! [point the hose up]

Plankton: Eh? [the hose water splashes him and turns into a hand and slaps him.]

SpongeBob: Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton: [falls and tries to swim back up from the hose water but he falls into the sewer] Aah![Plankton comes out of a faucet and lands on Bubble Bass' toothbrush] Ooh!

Bubble Bass' mom: Bubble Bass! Are you brushing your teeth?

Bubble Bass: Yes, mother! Ugh.

Plankton: [Smells Bubble Bass' breath and gags. Bubble Bass starts to brush his teeth] Oh, no.

Bubble Bass: [While brushing his teeth, Plankton is grunting inside. He brushes his tongue, and his teeth and spits out. His teeth are then shiny.]

Plankton: [falls down the drain until he ends up in a sewer] Yuck! This place is filthier than the bathroom in my own paternity house. Time to get outta here! [The sewer starts shaking] Aaah! Terrified, mind blank, possible wetting pants! Wait, I don't wear pants. Oh, lucky me! [an alligator appears behind him and Plankton whimpers until a group of chum scare it away] That's right, you better run! [looks behind him] Huh? [The C.H.U.M.S appear] Terror double ! Please, I'll do whatever you say! Just down hurt me! [Starts crying]

C.H.U.M. Leader: [bows down] We would never hurt the master! [The other C.H.U.M.S. bow down along with the leader]

Plankton: Wait, what now?

C.H.U.M. Leader: We are praising you, the master creator! [They and the other C.H.U.M.S bow down]

SpongeBob's Road To Christmas [13.5]

SpongeBob: Excuse me, Mr. Sofa. [He lifts the sofa and vacuums underneath the sofa] Huh, look at that, Gary, it's the present for Santa last Christmas. Isn't that nice? [SpongeBob is shocked that the present was accidentally left behind the sofa for seven months] The present I left for Santa last Christmas!?

SpongeBob: He never got it. Oh, this is the worst disaster that has ever happened.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: My present for Santa's 212 days late! [SpongeBob begins to cry] Late. It's a tragedy. [SpongeBob uses the ribbon of the gift to blow his nose while Gary reacts to the blue snot.]

SpongeBob: My joyful carefree world is both dark and dreary and I can't go on! Nope, I'll go on... But I can't go on!

[SpongeBob cries]

Patrick: Woohoohoo!

SpongeBob: Huh?

Patrick: [Whistles] Woohoo! Five stars!

SpongeBob: [Sniffing rose] Patrick, I wasn't acting, Santa never got his Christmas present.

Patrick: Well, so why not just deliver it to him?

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SpongeBob: [with a tiny face] Hi Santa!

Santa Claus Look-Alike: Did you know that I'm your biggest fan?

SpongeBob: Ah, that's very sweet of you, Santa, but actually Patchy the Pirate is my biggest fan.

Santa Claus Look-Alike: Ho ho ho! [He actually reveals himself to be an animated Patchy the Pirate.]

Patchy: Ahoy, SpongeBob and Patrick! It's me, Patchy the Pirate! [SpongeBob and Patrick are shocked that their heads explode, ending the first segment.]

Episode 6

There Will Be Grease! [13.6a]

Plankton: Come on Krabs, there's gotta be some use of this stuff we can agree on![has an idea] Let's sell it to the military! Imagine... [imagines a thought bubble] fuel for flame throwers, lubricant for killer robots, bombs that smell like french fries! [chuckles]

Mr. Krabs: We'll use it to boost business at the Krusty Krab [imagines a thought bubble]: A flavorful new sandwich topping, a savory new milkshake, and a lovely new scent for the restrooms!

Plankton: [blows the thought bubble with a flamethrower] Oh no! We're not using my grease to drive customers to your restaurant! [Mr. Krabs starts growling at him] Why I outta!

Mr. Krabs: Why, you! [they start fighting]

SpongeBob: [takes and pours grease user a saucer into a bucket] Oh, gosh! I don't see why you need to find just one use for this stuff. I started using it for everything!

Mr. Krabs and Plankton: [they stop fighting]

Mr. Krabs: Huh?

Plankton: Wha?

SpongeBob: [A montage of him] Toothpaste, body wash, deodorant, shoe polish, all night face mask. Gary's breakfast, my own breakfast. It even cured my bursitis! What I mean is, if you can use it for anything, why not sell it for everything? [Mr. Krabs and Plankton's eyes turn into money signs]

Mr. Krabs: [reading along with his finger] Dr. Krabton's Miracle Everything Juice. Not bad.

Potato Puff [13.6b]

SpongeBob: Oh, Mrs. Puff! It's been so long. [hugs the potato] Did you miss me?

Mrs. Puff: [via pager] Oh yes, SpongeBob. I missed you so much. It's so good to see you. From here.

SpongeBob: Ooh, did you get a new hat? It really brings out all your eyes. [A closeup of the potato eyes. SpongeBob laughs.] Feels right to me! [laughs]

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SpongeBob: [sees the mashed potatoes with Mrs. Puff's hat and wig on it covered in gravy and gasps in terror] Mrs. Puff, you've been mashed! [starts crying; he rips out his eyes and uses them to blow his nose, he puts them back in and lies on the ground as his eyes turn into geysers of blue tears as he continues to cry]

Mrs. Puff: [walks up to crying SpongeBob, puts on her hat with wig] Ahem.

SpongeBob: [stops crying] Huh? She's alive! [hugs Mrs. Puff]

Episode 7

The Big Bad Bubble Bass [13.7a]

Bubble Bass: [Walking to SpongeBob's house with ectoplasm all over him. He wipes it off and bangs on the door.] ScumBob! Puketrick! You blithering fools better hand over Pigulon, or I'll chug, and I'll glug, and I'll belch your house down! [Growls.]

Patrick: [As Pigulon, through SpongeBob's house] Nobody's home!

Bubble Bass: Hm? [Growls while steams mad. Takes out a bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola.] Time for some Fizz Bomb burp fuel. [Drinks it, his stomach boils. Burps down SpongeBob's house. Gary falls on SpongeBob, and they run to Patrick's rock.] I said hand over Pigulon, or I'll chug, and I'll glug, and I'll belch your house down... again!

Patrick: [His lips are through the rock.] Good luck. I built this rock entirely out of rock. [Blows raspberry]

Bubble Bass: [Growls, then pulls out another bottle of Fizz Bomb Cola and a bottle of hot sauce] Let's turn up the heat. [Drinks both of it, and his stomach boils. Burps down Patrick's rock.]

Patrick: They just don't make rocks the way they used to.

Sea-Man Sponge Haters Club [13.7b]

Squidward: Fellow sponge sufferers, the 431st "We Hate SpongeBob" club will now come to order. [bangs the gavel] And now, our motto.

Plankton, Bubble Bass, Mailman, Mrs. Puff, and Squidward: [raising one hand] We don't mean SpongeBob any harm. We just can't stand him.

Squidward: Does anyone have any new sponge pain they would like to share? [The members stick their hands out, all talking over each other.]

Mrs. Puff: How much time do you have?

Plankton: I do!

Bubble Bass: Oh, yes. I do.

Mailman: I have to unwrap my package of pain!

[Suddenly, SpongeBob is heard laughing.]

Squidward: Huh? [the members retract their hands as Squidward motions for them to stop] Hold that agony. [looks to his right to see SpongeBob at the window]

SpongeBob: Hello, Squidward!

Squidward: [grunts, pulls the window blinds down, then faces the group] Proceed.

Episode 8

Food PBBFT! Truck [13.8a]

Incidental 211: [Walks up to SpongeBob and Squidward and blows a raspberry] Hey! [Blows a raspberry] You're those weirdos that have been [blows a raspberry] chasing me around town. [blows a raspberry.]

Squidward: Why were you waving at us and then running away?

Incidental 211: Huh? [blows a raspberry] I can't [blows a raspberry] understand your accent. [blows a raspberry]

SpongeBob: I'll handle this, Squidward. I speak fluid Rock Bottom-ish. Why [blows a raspberry] were you [blows a raspberry] waving at us? [blows a raspberry]

Incidental 211: I wasn't [blows a raspberry] waving at you. [blows a raspberry] I was [blows a raspberry] drying out my armpits. [SpongeBob holds up a fresh Krabby Patty to him and he gasps. He smells it and becomes surprised.]

SpongeBob: We just wanted to [blows a raspberry] sell you a hot [blows a raspberry] delicious Krabby Patty. [blows a raspberry]

Incidental 211: It does look [blows a raspberry] tasty.

SpongeBob and Squidward: We're gonna sell a patty. [both blow raspberries. A large bus drives in and knocks away their food truck.] Huh? [Several Rock Bottomites walk off the bus while blowing raspberries. They go into the Rock Bottom cemetery, jump into coffins, and close them. Several clowns also walk off the bus and enter the circus while blowing raspberries. They walk into a small clown car which then drives away.]

Incidental 222: [walks off the bus] Hey, Bert. [blows a raspberry] Too bad you couldn't [blows a raspberry] come with us on our yearly trip to the [blows a raspberry] Krusty Krab, [blows a raspberry] but here's your Krabby Patty. [He blows a raspberry and hands a Krabby Patty to Incidental 211]

Incidental 211: Thanks, Frank. [blows a raspberry] But you know how long these pits take to dry. [blows a raspberry] Sorry, fellas. [blows a raspberry] I'd love to buy a patty from ya, but I already have a whole bag. [He eats the patty. SpongeBob and Squidward groan and melt.]

Upturn Girls [13.8b]

[Downtown, a big building is seen. Pearl and Narlene look up at it And Pearl follows, but stops once she notices the automatic glass door.]

Narlene: Huh? Ooh! [She sticks her foot out and opens the door. She pulls it back, and the door closes. She does this repeatedly, crushing a customer between the doors.] These here automatic doors sure is frilly, but we hillfolk do things a little more polite-like. [She rips off one of the doors.] Right this way, sir! [A crushed customer groans "thank you" and crawls inside, and Lady Upturn is standing besides Narlene, watching the customer crawl. She turns to Narlene.]

Lady Upturn: Excuuuuse me? What do you think you're doing?

Narlene: Uh, holdin' the door? Here, you try! [She drops the door on Lady Upturn, crushing her. Pearl walks in.]

Pearl: [concerned] Narlene, that's Lady Upturn! [She flips the door and helps Lady Upturn get up, then laughs nervously.] I'm so sorry. She's new in town. [takes out her diamond card] But we'll be good shoppers, I swear! [Lady Upturn inspects the card with a diamond-studded magnifier.]

Lady Upturn: Hmm, yes. Carry on, [patting their heads] my little consumers. [grabs their shirts] But here at Upturn's, we take shopping seriously.

Narlene and Pearl: [nodding] Okay. [They sprint off.]

[Pearl and Narlene go to Upturn'd Nose, a perfume department.]

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Lady Upturn: You, young ladies, do not belong here. Especially [points to Narlene] her.

Narlene: [confused] Uh?

Pearl: So what if my friend doesn't do things the way city people do? At least she's not a stuck-up snob like [points] you!

Lady Upturn: [offended] Oh!

Pearl: Besides, we cetacean sisters always stick together! [She squeezes Narlene, causing her to stick out her tongue, which has a wad of gum on it. She smiles at Narlene.]

Narlene: [happy] Ah!

Episode 9

Say 'Awww!' [13.9a]

Everyone inside: Eat him! Eat him!

SpongeBob: [gets an idea] Ooh, I know! I'll try the soothing power of music... [gets out a ukulele with "Love" and a heart symbol written on it and starts playing a tune] Ohhh... [The ukulele strings break off as he uses the pick on a first try] Awww, rats! [The usage of "Awww" triggers the robot and causes him to eat SpongeBob, who falls inside and screams until he lands on his face. He gets his face up off the ground and looks around in confusion. Everyone is cheering upon his arrival]

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, good boy!

SpongeBob: A surprise party... for me?!

Plankton: [gets off from underneath SpongeBob and grunts] This isn't a party, you boob.

SpongeBob: Well why did everyone cheer when I showed up?!

Mr. Krabs: Because with you, we can finally reach the emergency escape uvular! [Mr. Krabs points up to the uvular] Alright, let's try it again, people! [Everyone piles up again]

Fish: He can do it! He can do it!

[SpongeBob climbs up and stands on Patrick's back to grab the uvular. As he attempts to grab it, his arms are too short. Suddenly, a shaking sound is heard, implying something big. The height of the pile towers up, and SpongeBob tries again. He finally succeeds in grabbing the uvular and causes the robot to spin around and malfunction. A circular opening in the robot's butt is shown with everyone squished up inside. Everyone inside is freed and released into the sky as fireworks as Q.T.-π collapses. The fish from before are launched back onto the rollercoaster and cheer. Everyone else falls back onto the ground, while Squidward falls into the ice cream cart]

Mr. Krabs: We did it! We escaped!

Plankton: [shown between Mr. Krabs' butt cheeks] And I got us sent to Glove World! for free. You're wel-come!

Patrick The Mailman [13.9b]

Patrick: Ooh! My new rock is finally here![Patrick slides down from his rock and runs over to open it. Patrick rips off the wrapping paper whole and the package is revealed to be a pink rock with green polka dots on it with a bronze arrow-shaped weather vane on top, then puts his hands on his hips while looking suspicious] Hold on! [Patrick jumps up onto the rock and puts his glasses on] Polka dots?! I ordered plaid! [Patrick takes his glasses off and throws them away.] You'll have to take it back, Mr. Mailman.

Mailman: [still struggling to hold up the rock] Ugh! Back? [The rock crushes the mailman and letters come flying out. Patrick lifts up the rock and the mailman is flattened into the ground with black eyes.]

Patrick: Mr. Mailman?

Mailman: My back! [Patrick picks up the mailman and puts his hat to his mouth and blows into it like a balloon. The mailman is back to normal and Patrick puts him back down feet first on the ground and the mailman is groaning in pain]

Patrick: [while adjusting the mailman's hat] You okay, buddy?

Incidental 154: Gotta... deliver... mail.

Patrick: You are in no shape to deliver anything, fella. Just relax and [throws the mailman to Patrick's rock] crash at my place. I'll deliver your mail for you today.

Episode 10

Captain Pipsqueak [13.10a]

Plankton: [walks into the E.V.I.L. lair] Hello? [laughs] I'm here to join the forces of E.V.I.L.![Plankton walks into the audition room, and Dennis appears handing him a clipboard.]

Dennis: Dude.

Plankton: Huh, wha-?

Dennis: Sign in and wait your turn.

Villain: Red leather, yellow leather.

Thief: Get out of the car, fellas!

Sticky Fins Whiting: Take all your money and put it in the bag!

Dr. Negative: No, Mr. Bob. I expect you to fry. [cackles]

Madame Hagfish: When the full moon rises...

Earworm: [speaking lines]

Tattletale Strangler: I am the Strangler! [clears his throat] I'm the Strangler.

Robot Mantis: [growling]

Prawn: What is this yellow thing? Some kind of mold?

DoodleBob: [babbling]

Dorsal Dan: To be or--line!

Gordon: [throws his paper and uses a mallet to smash a watermelon] Ha.

Plane To Sea [13.10b]

Clerk: Okay everybody, say "I love my family."

Squidward: [as Patrick continues crying] I'd rather not.

Clerk: [aggressively] Say it!

SpongeBob and Squidward: [elatedly and monotonously, respectively] I love my family. [As the picture is being taken, SpongeBob hugs Squidward, Squidward grunts, and Patrick cheers happily. The photo prints out to be live action versions of the trio. Bubble wipe to the next scene with passengers getting on the plane.]

Patrick: [sits on Squidward] I think you're on my seat, pop.

[Squidward pulls himself out. SpongeBob zooms in, pushing Squidward to the middle seat.]

SpongeBob: And I'll take the isle! [laughs]

Episode 11

Squidferatu [13.11a]

Squidward: Biting my begonias, eh? Not on my watch. [laughs]

Mailman: [walks up to Squidward] Mailman! [Startled, Squidward turns around, screams and sprays Mailman's eyes. They become red and he screams as he hands Squidward some mail, promptly walking away.]

Squidward: Oh, a letter. Uh, thank you. [Squidward takes a closer look at the letter, seeing the name Nosferatu written on it.] Nosferatu!? [thunder roars] Huh, what? [sighs] I got his mail by mistake, again! [grumbles as he walks toward his trash can] I'll just file that in here! [Squidward opens the trash lid, revealing SpongeBob inside. Squidward shoves the letter in SpongeBob's mouth, closes the lid, and walks away laughing.] Huh!? [Squidward turns around and opens the lid again, with SpongeBob inside. He speaks, but his mouth is full.] SpongeBob?[SpongeBob talks more with his mouth full, until Squidward pulls the letter out of his mouth.] What are you doing in my garbage?[SpongeBob lifts up Squidward's nose and puts a bucket on it. He gets on Squidward's shoulders and puts a mop in the bucket, before taking it out and raising it in the air.]

SpongeBob: Spring cleaning! But Squidward, [bucket falls off of Squidward's nose] for shame. You can't just throw out [throws a mop in the air] the mail of Nosferatu! [thunder roars]

Slappy Daze [13.11b]

[The episode begins with the sun nearly rising in Bikini Bottom, and then a shot of Nosferatu's castle is shown. Inside, Nosferatu and Slappy are sleeping. Just then, an alarm clock switches from day to night and howls, prompting Slappy to break it with a mallet and climb out of a cupboard he was in. His headless body in pajamas walks in to four identical Slappy heads.]

Slappy heads: Pick me! Pick me! Pick me![Slappy picks the third one, puts it on his body, and continues on with his night, as the rest of the heads sigh in disappointment. Slappy proceeds to the bathroom, stretching. There, a sea spider sitting on top of the bath sprays him with its acid, reducing Slappy's head to his skull.]

Slappy: Oh, Esmerelda, good evening.[Slappy removes his pajamas and enters the bath, as Esmerelda ties him with her web. Slappy then emerges from the web dressed up, exiting the bathroom and heading towards Nosferatu's coffin, holding a plate with blood in a glass and eggs, then knocks on the coffin] Wakey-wakes, Master. The first blood of the day is the most important. [no one answers] Huh? Master?[Slappy opens the coffin and gasps upon finding Nosferatu with a runny nose, sneezing and turning into a bat as he does so.]

Slappy: Oh no! You got a stuffy Nose-feratu! [rimshot, then Nosferatu sneezes and turns back into himself again, but sneezes a second time and turns back into a bat. Just as he's about to sneeze a third time, Slappy puts him in the cage] We have to get you to Dr. Calimari right away. [exits the castle on a bicycle and drives into a deformed black-and-white building as Nosferatu continues sneezing]

Dr. Calimari: Next patient?

Slappy: Salutations, Dr. Calimari. The Master has a case of the Transylvanian sniff-sniffs. Can you help?[Nosferatu screeches at Dr. Calimari.]

Dr. Calimari: Thanks you for bringing him in, Slappy. I'll steam those allergies right out of his schnoz.

Episode 12

SpongeBob SquarePants Presents: The Tidal Zone Part Two - Welcome to Binary Bottom [13.12a]

SquidBot: Finally, someone whose company I actually enjoy... [pulls his clone's head out of the box] Me! [both of them laugh]

SpongeBot: [startles SquidBot] Time for work, SquidBot! [his hat turns into a siren while SquidBot struggles to catch his clone's head] Time for work, SquidBot! Time for work, SquidBot! Time for work, SquidBot!

SquidBot: Power down and leave me alone, SpongeBot! I've still got fifteen minutes.

SpongeBot: Oh... Sorry, SquidBot! Sorry, SquidBot! Sorry, SquidBot!

SquidBot: [pushes him away] Go away! [screws his clone's head on his body]

SquidBot clone: I am going to have to live next to that? [opens his stomach to reveal a self-destruct button, which he promptly presses and explodes on the spot, as SquidBot groans in disappointment]

SpongeBob SquarePants Presents: The Tidal Zone Part Four - You're Going to Pay...Phone [13.12b]

Old Klopnodian man: Greetings, stranger. [The man's sudden appearance freaks out Mr. Krabs, making him scream.] Welcome to my emporium of wonders. Can I interest you in a traditional Klopnodian Spladunker? [he pulls out an anvil covered in pink fur as a chicken is heard clucking] Or perhaps a lightly used Flooda? [he pulls out a sweater made out of sausages as a cow is heard mooing]

Mr. Krabs: No thanks, old timer. I just want me quarter. It seems to have hopped into your payphone here.

Old Klopnodian man: Oh, I see. Well, I have no power to retrieve your coin, but I can let you have the payphone. For the low, low price of... free.

Mr. Krabs: Free!? I'll take it!

Old Klopnodian man: But be warned, that payphone comes with a curse! [thunder roars and a woman screams]

Mr. Krabs: Really? How much does the curse cost?

Old Klopnodian man: What? No, the curse is free. It comes with the phone.

Mr. Krabs: Well, then, I'll take the curse too! [he picks up the payphone and leaves as he laughs]

Old Klopnodian man: Heed my Kapritzka! Beware the call of the porch! Beware it! Ah, forget it.

SpongeBob SquarePants Presents: The Tidal Zone Part Five - A Skin Wrinkle in Time [13.12c]

Painty: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

[SpongeBob opens the door, still in his underwear.]

Kids: GrandPat Sea Star!

[GrandPat crushes SpongeBob and Hans gives him SpongeBob's pants.]

GrandPat: Huh? [falls into a bathtub] Woah!

Painty: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.

[GrandPat's skin falls off and his bones disintegrate in the bathtub.]

Kids: GrandPat Sea Star!

Painty: If nautical nonsense be something you wish.

[Four GrandPats groan as they pull four banners that spell out "GrandPat Sea Star."]

Kids: GrandPat Sea Star!

Realistic Fish Head: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

Kids: GrandPat Sea Star!

Painty: Ready?

Kids and Painty: GrandPat Sea Star! GrandPat Sea Star! GrandPat Sea Star! [GrandPat mumbles as his body contorts until he's back to his sea star shape. He falls, screaming, onto some letters spelling out his name. His pants fall off and hop across the letters. His scooter then falls from above and pushes him down.]

Painty: GrandPat... Sea Star! [laughs]

[We cut to the SpongeBob SquarePants logo as shown in the regular theme song, but the text is changed to Grandpat's own name, and it appewrs alongside a drawn GrandPat. GrandPat pulls out his dentures and they chatter the ending notes of the SpongeBob theme song. His dentures then bite his head.]

---

GrandPat: Ah... It's good to be back home, where it's normal.

Patrick: [offscreen] Hey, GrandPat. [pan to reveal GrandPat's entire family have wings and eyes similar to flies] Whatcha watching?

GrandPat: [screams, but then relaxes] Eh, close enough.

French Narrator: And so, we leave things a little bit weird. But that's how we like it here, in The Tidal Zone. [his arm comes through the TV screen and turns it off] Au revoir.

GrandPat: Hey! I was watching that!

Episode 13

Abandon Twits [13.13a]

Squidward: End of another 18-hour shift of misery.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, ahoy there! [closes the doors of the Krusty Krab and walks over to SpongeBob and Squidward] And what do you two have planned for this weekend?

SpongeBob: I'm polishing Gary's shell! [SpongeBob's face turns into a polisher and he uses it on Squidward]

Squidward: Well I'm going to a post-post-pre-modern unconstructivist dance performance! [dances as red, blue, and yellow lights flash quickly behind him]

Mr. Krabs: [narrows eyes] Uh, well, that's uh, fascinating...

Wallhalla [13.13b]

SpongeBob: Order up! [carries a Krabby patty sandwich with six patties, six tomato slices, six lettuce leaves, and six cheese slices in between buns with his spatula] Or should I say, order down![giggles and serves the order to Wally's hand]

Wally: [pops up inside the cash register] Honey mustard? [Squidward shrieks. Both Wally and SpongeBob laugh as Squidward screams in fear and runs out of the Krusty Krab and then he sighs] I still hate that laugh. [the episode ends]

Episode 14

The Salty Sponge [13.14a]

SpongeBob: [throwing flowers around] Soon I will get a thrill cooking patties on my grill! [jumps to the door, but is blocked by a huge sign in front it, which he reads out loud] "The Krusty Krab is closed on account of urchins"? Oh, I must be in a nightmare!

Mr. Krabs: [walks towards him, covered in urchins] It's no nightmare, SpongeBob. I'm closing me old girl up for a week to get rid of those prickly pests. Plus, I had a coupon for "Urchin-Be-Gone"!

SpongeBob: What will become of me? What am I gonna do for a whole week?!

Karen For Spot [13.14b]

Karen: [folding Plankton's underwear] Alright, Plankton, I managed to fit twelve changes of underwear in the suitcase. Will that be enough?

Plankton: I'm gonna be gone for three days, Karen, so yeah, that should cover it. [laughs as Spot licks him] That's right, Spot. Daddy has to go to the Annual Doomsday Device Expo in Shell City. He's gonna find you an ultimate evil. Yes he is.

Episode 15

Arbor Day Disarray [13.15a]

SpongeBob: These pancakes are delicious, Sandy, but what do you call this sweet stuff?

Sandy: That's maple syrup, It's kinda like jelly that comes from trees. [Patrick eats some pancakes before saying.]

Patrick: Tree jelly? Gross.[camera widens to a jellyfish between Patrick and Squidward] I prefer mine on tap. [extracts jelly from the jellyfish's tentacle on his pancakes, The jellyfish then stings Squidward painfully and flies away.]

Sandy: Welcome to Bikini Bottom's very first Arbor Day celebration.

Patrick: Barbor day?

SpongeBob: [comes out his hair and beard] Well, I can use a trim.

Mr. Krabs: I think she said Harbor day, to celebrate old navy swabs like meself.

Sandy: It’s ARRR-BOR day, It's a day to celebrate the joy of trees.

SpongeBob: [walks upfront to Sandy] But Sandy, you've got the only tree in town.

Ain't That the Tooth [13.15b]

[The episode opens with SpongeBob riding a unicycle.]

SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick! I just has another great- [stops riding the unicycle] Wait a minute! [rides back to Patrick] Hey what's wrong? [Patrick is seen holding a mallet.]

Patrick: I think I've grown on a nose. [camera flashes to a tooth shaped nose.] I don't want a nose!

SpongeBob: Patrick, wait![Patrick whacks the mallet in his face causing the tooth to fall out]

Episode 16

Ma and Pa's Big Hurrah [13.16a]

[The episode opens with a wide shot of Avocondo Acres.]

French Narrator: Ah, Avocondo Acres, Bikini Bottom's premier retirement community. This is where we find Harold and Margaret, the parents of the ocean's most exceptional multicellular organism, SpongeBob SquarePants.

Margaret: [sniffs] Harold, do you smell that? It smells like something...rotting. [The avocado mush from the home lands on Harold.]

Harold: It's begun! We better run! [Harold takes Margaret in his arms and they run out of their rotting avocado home.]

Elderly Fish: I tell people to rub their homes with lemon juice and wrap it in plastic! But do they listen?

Margaret: Oh, Harold, what will we do?

Harold: Well, we'll just have to grow a new home. And in the meantime, we can stay with our son.

[Harold and Margaret drive off in their boat, while their avocado sits in a giant cup full of water. The scene transitions to SpongeBob's house.]

SpongeBob: Take cover, Gary! Watch this! I jump up and down, the soda bottles pop their corks, and send me dangerously around the room! I may not survive. [he laughs, then his phone rings] Hello? Hi Mom, hi Dad! Your house? Oh no! Stay with me? Why of course you can! Guess what, Gary? Mom and Dad are coming over to stay at our place for the very first time! [gary meows] I just thought of something. My parents haven't seen me in a while. They'll be expecting their son to be a little more, well, adult. Grown-up. Mature. And look at me! [A close-up of SpongeBob is seen with a bandage on his forehead and his helmet is squished on the side] And look at this place! It's a filthy mess!

"[The room is shining, and the scene transitions to SpongeBob cleaning his wall. Patrick appears where SpongeBob has cleaned.]"

Patrick: Peek-a-boo!

French Narrator: Clean! "[transitions to SpongeBob vacuuming.]"

[SpongeBob vacuums up the floor, revealing Patrick again under the floor.]

Patrick: I see you!

French Narrator: So clean! [transitions to SpongeBob cleaning his toilet]

[SpongeBob pulls Patrick out of the toilet]

Patrick: We've gotta stop meeting like this.

Patrick: "[appears behind SpongeBob]" You almost done?

Yellow Pavement [13.16b]

Mrs. Puff: Hello, student drivers. I'm Mrs. Penelope Puff and, as per the court order, I will be your driving instructor in this educational film. By remembering these 138 simple rules of the road, every one of you will know all that you need to get your very own boating license.

SpongeBob: [after crashing the boat into the brick wall] Even me?

Mrs. Puff: Ugh.

Episode 17

The Flower Plot [13.17a]

Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute? I'm free! Yeah baby! I'm free! I'm free! No more Plankton! Me free! Me free! Me free!

SpongeBob: [laughs] Me free! Me free! Um. Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: What is it, boy-o?

SpongeBob: [points at a new flower pot building where he and Mr. Krabs get crushed, A construction worker waters the flower pot building.]

SpongeBob's on Parade [13.17b]

[The episode opens with SpongeBob cleaning the Krusty Krab.]

Mr. Krabs: Whoa! After seeing this float, everyone will rush to The Krusty Krab! Are you set up with those expired fries, boy-o?

SpongeBob: Good and greasy, boss!

Mr. Krabs: Ready Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: No I'm not! I can't see a thing with SpongeBob in front of me!

Mr. Krabs: Excellent! It's our turn! Let's move it out!

Episode 18

Ride Patrick, Ride! [13.18a]

SpongeBob: ...to Right!

Patrick: [while sliding down backwards] Don't worry SpongeBob, it's just Bread Man's Hill.

SpongeBob: That's not Bread Man's Hill, it's [points to the hill as his pupils turn into skulls] "Dead Man's Hill"!

Patrick: Wait, is that worse? It sounds worse? [he looks down to the hill, with numerous spikes and coral] It is worst! [turns around and dodges a tree.]

[In Patrick's POV, a cyclist is shown bicycling up the hill then drifts to the left, a cave dweller roars at Patrick but he rides under it, and a ship zooms by with a skeleton holding a sword cackling]

Patrick: SpongeBob, I'm doing it! [laughing] I'm bicycling!

Delivery to Monster Island [13.18b]

[SpongeBob and Plankton walk through what seems to be a jungle.]

SpongeBob: [points up at a tree] Ooh, look! Bananners! Hmm... [detaches his arm and flings it to the tree like a boomerang] Nyaa! Fwaa! [The banana ends up in SpongeBob's possession.]

Plankton: Finally, some grub!

SpongeBob: Let's eat!

Baby banana monster: [Banana is unraveled.] Mama!

SpongeBob & Plankton: Awwww! [SpongeBob and Plankton perk up and look above them.]

Plankton: Eeeh?

Mother banana monster: Roar!

SpongeBob: [gives back the baby banana and chuckles, making scared noises]

Mother banana monster: Rrrrr... [picks up SpongeBob and rips him open like a banana.]

Episode 19

Hot Crossed Nuts [13.19a]

SpongeBob: [singing] Sandy's in the kitchen with SpongeBob, we're in the kitchen, we two! Sandy's in the kitchen with SpongeBob, making nuts on the barbeque!

Sandy: [laughs, then grabs his hand] You heard the boss man! Tell me what's what.

SpongeBob: Well, this here is where the magic happens: the grill. Heh. [SpongeBob puts his hands on the grill, burning them. He screams in pain and then giggles. He dots out a red rectangle in front of him.] As long as the sacred space is respected, the kitchen will remain in perfect harmony.

Sandy: Not to worry! We'll be like two crickets on a fiddle in here.

Squidward: [rings bell and holds orders out] Here. Knock yourselves out. [SpongeBob takes the orders] Please. [SpongeBob reads the orders. Sandy has already fired up her barbecue and is cooking three nuts with tongs.]

Sandy: Already on it! So how many nuts should I fix up?

SpongeBob: Nuts? Oh, sorry, Sandy, there must be a mistake. These are all for Krabby Patties.

Sandy: [ashamed] Ohhh.

Sir Urchin And Snail Fail [13.19b]

Sir Urchin: Why did you stop hitting me?

Snail Fail: I want the audience to know that I am a real thespian, and not just some bumbling buffoon! [Snail Fail’s bowtie spins around.]

Sir Urchin: Well, you oughta be a serious actor? Nobody's stopping you! Exit stage left!

Snail Fail: My pleasure! I quit! [Snail Fail throws his bowtie off, and storms away from Sir Urchin as the audience gasps.]

Sir Urchin: Grr... why you?!

[SpongeBob's television cuts to a "Please Stand By" screen.]

Episode 20

Friendiversary [13.20a]

SpongeBob: Happy friend-iversary, Squidward! [blows a party horn with confetti at him. Squidward spits out the confetti]

Squidward: SpongeBob, what time is it?

SpongeBob: It's one minute after midnight on the day that we first met. [grabs a book] It's all here in my Squidward memory book.

Squidward: What?

SpongeBob: [sits down next to Squidward and flips through the pages] Here's us at camp. Here's when I moved in right next door. Oh, and here's when I got Employee of the Month instead of you again. Here's one I took a few minutes ago. Look at you. Just like an angel.

Squidward: [swipes the book away] All right, that's it! [throws SpongeBob out of the door] Get out! [kicks SpongeBob out]

SpongeBob: [waving] Okay, see you around, friend. [scoots on his butt back to his house] ♪Friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend-iversary!♪ [enters his house]

[The "Friendiversary" banner falls onto Squidward. Bubble transition to Squidward using a dustpan and broom to clean up the party decorations. He then takes the trash to his trash cans outside, to which SpongeBob startles him.]

SpongeBob: Happy friend-iversary! [Squidward screams and jumps into the trash can.] Remember the first time I startled you into this trash can?

---

Squidward: Last night, I erased all of SpongeBob's memories of me. Isn't it wonderful?

Mr. Krabs: You WHAT?!! [grabs Squidward] Are you insane, man?!

Mantadory Music [13.20b]

Squidward: Oh....

SpongeBob: Isn't this wonderful? We're musical classmates!

Squidward: Kill me now.

Mrs. Sturgeon: To begin, I would like each of you to play your instrument to get everyone skilled. We'll go around the classroom one by one.

Episode 23

Spatula of the Heavens [13.23a]

Guru Greasetrap: Don't worry, Guru Greasetrap knows a shortcut. Close your eyes.

SpongeBob: Ooh, i love suprises! [covers his eyes with hands]

Guru Greasetrap: [kicks SpongeBob] Surprise! [SpongeBob falls from the mountain as Guru Greasetrap returns to watching television as the game show dings and buzzes are heard "The Price is Right!']