SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1
- Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run | Main
SpongeBob SquarePants (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.
- [Spongebob arrives at the Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard, captain! ["Powerpuff Girls" narration voice] I've been training my whole life for the day I could finally join the Krusty Krew, [normal voice] and now I'm ready.
- [SpongeBob trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling, SpongeBob shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs]
- Spongebob: So, uh, when do I start?
- Mr. Krabs: Well lad, it seems like you don't even have your sea legs.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please. I'll prove I'm a fry cook. Ask Squidward, He'll vouch for me.
- [Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob]
- Squidward: [deep breath] No.
Reef Blower (1.2)
- (Non-speaking episode)
- (SpongeBob: [to the shell] You!)
Tea at the Treedome (1.3)
- Patrick: When in doubt, pinky out.
- Squidward: Now for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. [inhales and starts to play his clarinet, the shot changes to SpongeBob still outside. He proceeds to built his bubblestand super fast, making a loud racket. Coming over to the window, to SpongeBob] I thought I...! Huh?
- SpongeBob: [waving] Hey, Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents!
- Squidward: Right, like I would spend a moment of my time... blowing bubbles!
Ripped Pants (2.2)
- Lou: May I help you?
- SpongeBob: I'll take a banana split.
- Lou: Uh, we don't have that.
- SpongeBob: That's okay. I already "split" my pants. Get it?
- Lou: [sarcastically] Tee-hee. Anything else?
- SpongeBob: How about... "ripple"? [shows the rip in his pants] No, thanks. Already got one.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are welcoming Squidward home from the hospital]
- SpongeBob: Welcome home, Squidward!
- Patrick: Merry Christmas!
- [While SpongeBob is walking home]
- SpongeBob: Plankton, what are you doing here?
- Plankton: I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right?
- SpongeBob: Um... no.
- Plankton: Acquaintances?
- SpongeBob: No.
- Plankton: [thinks] Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we?
- SpongeBob: I... guess so.
- Plankton: You see? Everything works out.
Naughty Nautical Neighbors (4.1)
- SpongeBob: [sings] Squidward is my best friend in the world... [starts playing the bassinet very badly]
Squidward is my best friend in the sea. [starts playing the bassinet very badly again. He lets go of his bow and the bow flies into a picture of Squidward]
- Squidward: AAAH! [growls and breaks the bow in half on his knee]
- SpongeBob: [singing] Squidward– [is playing the bassinet like a guitar]
- Patrick: [poking his head out the window] ...Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob. [Spongebob slams the window in Patrick's face] OOMF!
- SpongeBob: ...And Patrick is a dirty, stinky, rotten friend STEALER! [hits the bassinet against the floor and it breaks] Um... I can fix this.
- [Squidward growls and kicks SpongeBob out]
- SpongeBob: So, uh... I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward! Call me!
- [near the end of the driving test]
- SpongeBob: I'm cheating, Mrs. Puff! I'm cheating!
- Mrs. Puff: It's okay, SpongeBob! You can cheat! Cheat that way! [points towards the finish line]
- SpongeBob: No! I'm... cheating!
- Squidward: Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?!
- SpongeBob: I can't, It's for the customer!
- Squidward: Who cares about the customer?
- SpongeBob: I do!
- Squidward: Well, I don't!
- SpongeBob: [wind stops momentarily; gasps] Squidward! [blown away by the wind]
Home Sweet Pineapple (5.2)
- Squidward: SpongeBob, is it time already for you to ruin my day?
- Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? Don't start without me!
- Barnacle Boy: Time to come out of retirement! There's evil afoot!
- Mermaid Man: EVIL! Where is it?
- Barnacle Boy: [points at SpongeBob and Patrick] There it is! You know what this means? [opens a box containing their rings]
- Mermaid Man: Donuts!
- Squidward: Let me guess, Tiny. A small salad?
- Bubble Bass: I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe, on a raft, four by four, animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease. Make it cry, burn it and let it swim.
- [Squidward stops writing]
- Squidward: We serve food here, sir.
- [Mrs. Puff walks over to SpongeBob, who is lying on the ground after the class tramples him while running out the door at the 3:00 bell.]
- Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, are you okay?
- SpongeBob: I overdid the speech again, didn't I?
- Mrs. Puff: I'm afraid so.
- SpongeBob: [gets up] Aw, tartar sauce! I guess I won't be needing this. [takes off uniform] I hardly knew you. [frowns and begins to walk away]
- Mrs. Puff: [shows sadness on her face] Uh, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff?
- Mrs. Puff: I can, at least, let you wear it until tomorrow.
- SpongeBob: [flies back into the uniform with a shout of joy] Thanks, Mrs. Puff! [walks away]
- Mrs. Puff: [to herself] What are the consequences of what I've just done? [sighs to herself, thinking tragic thoughts, as she walks back into her classroom]
Jellyfish Jam (7.2)
- SpongeBob: Squidward! Hey, Squidward! Squidward! Squidwardiard! [Squidward peeks out his window] Squidward! Look at my new pet.
- Squidward: That's no pet, that's a wild animal.
- SpongeBob: No, he isn't. Watch this! [throws a stick so the jellyfish returns it. SpongeBob is holding up 3 fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
- Jellyfish: [humming] 1, 2, 3.
- SpongeBob: Play dead! [jellyfish is buried underground with a tomb that says "R.I.P.". He pops up]
- Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing into my house even if it was potty-trained! [the jellyfish, still on the rope, is on a toilet reading a newspaper as he hums casually] I didn't need to see that.
- SpongeBob: Well, we're going to my house to have a little fun.
- Squidward: How can you possibly have fun with a jellyfish?!
Sandy's Rocket (8.1)
- SpongeBob: So, you were an alien all the time, and you didn't even tell me!
- Patrick: I didn't even know!
- SpongeBob: Well, I've got you now!
- Patrick: Oh, but it's not you that's got me. It's... [He fires his pop-gun, but traps himself instead] ... Me that's got me.
- Mr. Krabs: It's not the boots, it's the bootee! Err, um, the person in the boots! You're a great fry cook, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: I do, son. [gives SpongeBob money] Here's your paycheck, SpongeBob. [gives more money] Plus, a bonus! [takes bonus back] Well, there's your paycheck anyway. I need a vacation.
Nature Pants (9.1)
- Squidward: [about SpongeBob, who has decided to go live in the wild] He took off his pants.
- Sandy: I'll give him a week.
- Squidward: I'll give him 11 minutes.
- Patrick: [on the verge of tears] ...PATRICK SAD!
- SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! I mean, goodbye, Squidward! Isn't Opposite Day... terrible!?!
- Squidward: [from his house] I'll tell you what's terrible... living next to you! You're the worst neighbor in history!
- SpongeBob: Wow, that's the nicest thing Squidward's ever said to me!
Culture Shock (10.1)
- Squidward: Good evening and welcome to the 1st annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show. Sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, because no one else would give it a home. [Patrick bursts out laughing]
- Mr. Krabs: Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight. [notices the Krabby Patty on the table is a cardboard prop] And maybe scallops will fly out of me pants! [jumps into the boat that serves as the cash register stand, takes a pair of oars, and starts rowing it] Hang on, lad, I'm a-comin'!
MuscleBob BuffPants (11.1)
- SpongeBob: This working out thing isn't working out.
Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost (11.2)
- Squidward's "Ghost": SpongeBob, I have a confession to make. [takes off towel from his head]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] You're... bald?!
- Squidward: No, I'm not bald! I'm alive!
- Pearl: [walks up outside the ladies restroom] Sponge, are you okay?
- SpongeBob: [crying] — Messed everything up.
- Pearl: Don't worry SpongeBob, ya didn't mess everything up.
- SpongeBob: [crying] — Hot dog.
- Pearl: Actually, it was pretty funny when that hot dog landed in Judy's hair.
- SpongeBob: [crying] All I wanted was to have a good time.
- Pearl: But I am having a good time! Ya know, we haven't finished our dance yet.
- SpongeBob: [whimpers] Can I still wear the wig?
- Pearl: Yes, you can still wear the wig.
- SpongeBob: [runs out and grabs Pearl to the dance floor] Let's go!
Employee of the Month (12.2)
- SpongeBob: Do you know what today is?
- Squidward: Annoy Squidward Day?
- SpongeBob: No, silly! [gets out a calendar] That's on the 15th! [points to a picture of Squidward's head].
- SpongeBob: [after the Flying Dutchman runs away in fear, SpongeBob is shown entirely shaved, exposing his brain] Hey! What do you know? I scared him! [laughs]
- [Everyone else runs out of the Krusty Krab, screaming]
- SpongeBob: [walking outside with Patrick] It worked Patrick, I scared everybody!
- Patrick: Yeah, I guess it was your pink hat.
- SpongeBob: Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat, that's my brain.
- Patrick: Oh... [runs away screaming too]
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, it grows back!
- Squidward: [to SpongeBob] Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
- Squidward: [rushed] I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was nowhere, and at last, I'm home, and... You don't know how happy I am to see you guys!
- SpongeBob: Does this mean you wanna go...
- SpongeBob and Patrick: ...jellyfishing?
- Squidward: NO! D'oh! Who's the barnaclehead who invented that game anyway?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: You are, Squidward! [laughs]
- Squidward: I'm going back.
- Sandy: I love karate!
- SpongeBob: I love Kare-ah-tay!
- Mr. Krabs: I love money-ay!
- Squidward: I hate all of you.
Sleepy Time (15.1)
- Patrick: Does anyone have a quarter?
- SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm sick. Can you escort me to the doctor's?
- Sandy: Sure, SpongeBob. I'll be there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August.
Valentine's Day (16.1)
- Patrick: Heart on stick must DIE! [goes to the pole and tries to pick it up; gives up eventually in tiredness; Patrick sees a little girl eating a heart-shaped lollipop] ... Heart on stick must DIE! [grabs it, breaks it, and stuffs it in his mouth]
The Paper (16.2)
- Squidward: Well, you can't play music with a piece of paper! [plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' off-key. Little black musical note symbols fall out of the clarinet]
- SpongeBob: [applauding] Hooray! Hooray! That was great, Squidward. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
- Squidward: What!? I didn't play any wrong notes. [plays the song off-key again]
- SpongeBob: Yeah, see, you're playing it like this... [plays his piece of paper as the clarinet with the note symbols coming out] ...When ordinarily it goes like this. [plays the song on-key] I'm partial to doing it in the key of A-minor myself. [plays the song in high notes. A music sheet appears] Ah, nothing like a duet between buddies, eh, Squidward?
- Mr. Krabs: If I don't make any money today, I'll surely break out in a rash!
- SpongeBob: [offscreen] Yipee! I'm rich Patrick, look, eight gold doubloons!
- Mr. Krabs: Wait! I saw it first! [leaps through the air and lands on the table where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing a game] Mine! Mine! [realizing] Huh?
- SpongeBob: Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are stranded in Rock Bottom]
- SpongeBob: It sure is weird around here. Kind of different. Even the soil looks different. [scoops up a handful of soil]
- Soil: Would you- [blows raspberry] -Mind- [blows raspberry] -Putting me down?
- [After Sandy sings a song about returning to her home, Texas]
- Patrick: Do you think she knows the Muffin Man song?
- SpongeBob: Patrick, she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas!
- Patrick: Well! Let's get some Texas and bring it down here!
- SpongeBob: Patrick, we can't... [comes with an idea] That's it! Patrick? Your genius is showing!
- Patrick: [mishears, and frantically covers himself] Where!?!
- [SpongeBob sees Plankton sitting on a bench with 2 ice cream cones, crying]
- SpongeBob: Plankton, what are you doing here... and why are you crying?
- Plankton: [tearfully] Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [blows his nose on a tiny handkerchief] I'm crying because I've got these 2 ice cream cones, but I only need 1! [sobbing] I don't know what to do with the other 1!
- Tom: Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
- SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go!
- Tom: Thanks. [drinks his lemonade, SpongeBob giggling with every sip]
- SpongeBob: [after he's finished] APRIL FOOLS!
- Tom: What did you do to my drink?!
- SpongeBob: I-- er, I-- er...
- Tom: You WHAT?!
- SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink... and I only put in one! [laughs]
- Tom: Hey, I guess that is kinda funny! Ha ha… [starts mumbling]
Neptune's Spatula (19.II)
- Neptune: This accursed stove has burnt my finger. Feel thy own wrath, stove! [uses his powers to zap the stove] Haha!
- SpongeBob: What did I tell you about using your powers, 'trainee'?
- Neptune: [sighs] Perfect patties are made with love, not magic.
- Mr. Krabs: The hooks, me bucko. They're back. Beware the hooks.
- SpongeBob: The hooks?
- Mr. Krabs: Aye, the hooks. They dangle down and draw you close with their pleasing shapes and beguiling colors, and just when you think you've found the land of milk and honey, they grab ya by the britches, and haul you way up high, and higher, and HIGHER, AND HIGHER, until you're hauled up to the surface, flopping and gasping for breath! And then they cook ya, and then they eat ya... or worse!
- SpongeBob: [terrified] What could be worse than that?
- Mr. Krabs: [softly] Gift shops.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II (20.II)
- Mermaid Man: [about SpongeBob] Don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow, or the villain.