SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1
SpongeBob SquarePants: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run / Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie / Plankton: The Movie / Search for SquarePants | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral (s1, s2) / The Patrick Star Show (s1, s2, s3, s4, s5, s6, s7) | Specials: SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout, The Tidal Zone, Kreepaway Kamp, Snow Yellow, Sandy's Country Christmas, SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up
SpongeBob SquarePants is a children's animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.
Episode 1
[edit]Help Wanted [1.1a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line and... I can't do this! [starts to run home, but Patrick stops him] Patrick!
- Patrick: Where do you think you're going?
- SpongeBob: I was just-
- Patrick: No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab, and get that job!
- SpongeBob: I can't! Don't you see!? I'm not good enough!
- Patrick: Whose first words were "May I take your order?"
- SpongeBob: Mine were.
- Patrick: Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in woodshop?
- SpongeBob: I did.
- Patrick: Who's a, uh, who's uh, oh... Who's a big yellow cube with holes?
- SpongeBob: I AM!
- Patrick: Who's ready?
- SpongeBob: I'm ready!
- Patrick: Who's ready?
- SpongeBob: I'm ready!
- Patrick: Who's ready?!
- SpongeBob: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!
- Squidward: [wiping graffiti off of the window of the restaurant as he notices SpongeBob running towards it] Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want?
- SpongeBob: I'm ready! I'm ready!
- Squidward: [runs inside and screams] Mr. Krabs! Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you about-
- SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard, Captain! [in French accent] I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew, [normal voice] and now I'm ready. So, uh, when do I start?
- Mr. Krabs: Well, boy, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me.
- Squidward: [goes over to Krabs] No.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, boy, we'll give ya a test, and if ya pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me...a...uh, hydrodynamic spatula...with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, and, uh...turbo drive. And don't come back til ya get one.
- SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain! One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir!
- Mr. Krabs: Carry on! We'll never see that lubber again.
- Squidward: You're terrible. A hydro-what?
- [Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh]
- Mr. Krabs: [gasps] That sounded like hatch doors! [sniffs repeatedly] Do ya smell it? That smell... A kind of smelly smell... A smelly smell that smells... smelly... [realizing what the smell is] Anchovies.
- Squidward: What?
- Mr. Krabs: [shouts] ANCHOVIES!!!!!
- SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard, Captain! [arrives the chaos with his flying spatula and red lights, singing in a heroic tune through his megaphone] Did someone order a spatula?! [Squidward and Mr. Krabs stammering] That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments! And let's not forget the turbo drive! Would you believe they only had one in stock? TO THE KITCHEN!!! Who's hungry?!
- Mr. Krabs: That was the finest fast-foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants. Welcome aboard.
- Squidward: B-but Mr. Krabs...
- Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip!
- Squidward: Hooray, Mr.-
- Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!
- Squidward: Hooray.
- Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!
- Squidward: Hooray. Mr. Krabs-
- Mr. Krabs: [walking to his office with a wheelbarrow full of cash] I'll be in my quarters, countin' up the booty.
- Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew!
- Squidward: What would you like to order, Patrick?
- Patrick: One Krabby Patty, please.
- Squidward: [dozens of patties shoot out of the order window as the view cuts to the outside of the restaurant] What? Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs, come see your new employee!
Reef Blower [1.1b]
[edit]- [Note: this is a silent episode with no dialogue]
- SpongeBob: [to the shell, captioned] You!
Tea at the Treedome [1.1c]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Hey, you like karate too. [does some karate poses, then he stops and falls flat on his head] So, what's your name?
- Sandy: Sandy. [makes athletic moves] So what do y'all call yourself?
- SpongeBob: [runs up a big rock] I'm SpongeBob! [jumps down, SpongeBob soon lands on one of his corners]
- Sandy: Well, SpongeBob, take a gander at this. [walks next to a huge rock closes her eyes and slaps it with her hand, making a gong sound effect, SpongeBob is confused as nothing seems to have happen, but then cracking sounds are heard and rock shakes and breaks into pieces]
- SpongeBob: Oh. [Sandy grins and blinks] Oh, yeah? Watch this! [prepares to do a karate move, but all he does is make an armpit fart noise. Sandy walks on-screen giggling]
- Sandy: I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hi-yah! [playfully karate chops SpongeBob's head, leaving a triangle-shaped indent at the top.]
- SpongeBob: Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hi-yah! [karate chops her helmet, but realizes it hurts.] Ow. Say, what is that thing on your head?
- Sandy: Why, that's my air helmet.
- SpongeBob: May I try it on?
- Sandy: Heck no. I need it to breathe. I gotta have my air.
- SpongeBob: Me too. I love air. Air is good.
- Sandy: No kidding?
- SpongeBob: Why, "air" is my middle name. The more air, the better. Can't get enough of that air.
- Sandy: Shee-oot. How about comin' over tomorrow for tea and cookies then? [shows a map leading to Sandy's house] Don't be late.
- SpongeBob: Okay, see you tomorrow.
Episode 2
[edit]Bubblestand [1.2a]
[edit]- [As SpongeBob is constructing his bubblestand]
- Squidward: Can we lower the volume please? I can't work with all that racket going on!
- SpongeBob: Oh, sure thing, Squidward!
- Squidward: Yes. Mmm. Right. Mmm.
- SpongeBob: Okay...
- [He slowly taps on a nail and looks at Squidward's house. For several seconds, SpongeBob continues to slowly hammer the nail every three seconds and glance back at Squidward's house on the pause]
- Squidward: [to himself] Now for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. [plays his clarinet. SpongeBob proceeds to continue building his Bubblestand super fast, making a loud racket] I thought I... Huh.
- SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents.
- Squidward: Right, like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles.
- SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
- Squidward: Oh, please. I mean who in the world would pay to blow bubbles?
- Patrick: Good morning.
- SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. It's all in the technique. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two, three. Then, pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot! Don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring it around town. Then you do this, then this, and that, and this, and that, and this, and that, and then... [blows bubbles shaped like ducks, a cube, a caterpillar, and a tugboat. When the tugboat bubble pops, it makes a foghorn noise] And now with two hands! [blows a bubble shaped like an elephant]
- Patrick: [Laughing] It's a giraffe. [continues laughing as the elephant bubble floats into Squidward's house]
- [The bubble pops and tons of smaller bubbles come out of both windows of the house while the elephant trumpets. Squidward opens the door. SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the bubblestand and SpongeBob places a closed sign on it]
- SpongeBob: Excuse me, sir, but we are closed.
- Squidward: Don’t give me any of that! How can you two make noise just blowing bubbles?!
- SpongeBob: We're not just blowing bubbles, we're making bubble art!
Ripped Pants [1.2b]
[edit]- Buckley: May I help you?
- SpongeBob: I'll take a banana split.
- Buckley: Uh, we don't have that.
- SpongeBob: That's okay, I already "split" my pants. Get it?
- [Sandy laughs]
- Buckley: [sarcastically] Tee-hee. Anything else?
- SpongeBob: How about, "ripple"? [shows the rip in his pants; Sandy laughs some more] No thanks, already got one.
- SpongeBob: Oh, no! Everybody's gone, even Sandy! She'd rather hang out with Larry! Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. [weeps] We blew it, pants. [his pants comes to life]
- Pants: What do you mean "we"?
- [Pants walks off]
- SpongeBob: Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention. Am I the biggest loser on the beach?!
- Lupa: No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen.
- SpongeBob: Ouch.
- Loser: No, I am. I got sand in my buns.
- Loser Whale: No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.
- Loser: What happened to you?
- SpongeBob: I lost my best friend.
- Loser: How?
- SpongeBob: When I ripped... my pants. [starts to sing] I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a passing glance, all just because I ripped my pants.
- Losers: ♪When big Larry came round just to put him down, SpongeBob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and ripped his pants!♪
- SpongeBob: [singing voice, a crowd begins to gather] ♪I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse, but the pain feels so much worse. 'Cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun than a burn from the sun...♪
- Losers: ♪Or sand in your buns!♪
- SpongeBob: ♪I learned a lesson I won't soon forget...so listen and you won't regret. Be true to yourself; don't miss your chance...and you won't end up like the fool...who...ripped...his...pants!♪
- Sandy: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Sandy!
- Sandy: Your song is true. If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself.
- Larry: SpongeBob, that was so righteous. Would you...sign my pants?
- SpongeBob: Absolutely, buddy. [bends down to sign Larry's pants. His underwear then rips off completely. Someone off-screen whistles. He covers his crotch, ending the episode]
Episode 3
[edit]Jellyfishing [1.3a]
[edit]- Squidward: [moaning; after he explodes himself from an accident] Oww...
- SpongeBob: Welcome home, Squidward!
- Patrick Star: Merry Christmas!
- SpongeBob: We're going to make this your best day ever! Well, your best day's sure not going to be out there.
- Patrick: How about some soup on your best day ever?
- Patrick: Music isn't best either.
- SpongeBob: But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever the best day ever.
- [Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!
- SpongeBob: This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. No, no, Squid, over here. I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net. Patrick, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.
- Patrick: Firmly grasp it in your hand. [puts the net on Squidward's bandaged hand, but it falls. He picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [puts it on the Squidward's bandaged hand again, but it falls again] FIRMLY GRASP IT!!! [stabs the net through Squidward's bandaged hand] That oughta do it.
- SpongeBob: Plankton, what are you doing here?
- Plankton: I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right?
- SpongeBob: Um...no.
- Plankton: Acquaintances?
- SpongeBob: No.
- Plankton: Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we?
- SpongeBob: I...guess so.
- Plankton: You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment. [rummages through his back pocket and takes out a golden spatula] Ching! [in unison with the sparkling of the spatula] Sparkle, sparkle.
- SpongeBob: Wow! A golden spatula! And it's even got my name on it!
- Plankton: It's a gift. A gift from a friend. [hugs SpongeBob's thumb] Friends give each other gifts, and tomorrow is my birthday. [puts a birthday hat on his head and SpongeBob's thumb, then blows a noisemaker] And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world? [takes out a cake and blows out the candles]
- SpongeBob: A booster seat?
- Plankton: Booster seat! Hot dog! [throws away the cake and the birthday hat] I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those [starts drooling] tender... delicious... Krabby Patties!
- SpongeBob: [drops Plankton and gasps] You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow!
- Plankton: Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
- SpongeBob: You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! [starts walking away, then stops] Even if we are friends! [runs off] Never! Never! Never! Never!
- Plankton: Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty. And you're gonna hand-deliver it to me personally! You weak-minded FOOL! [takes out a gramophone that plays evil music and laughs evilly to it]
- Plankton: [with SpongeBob's voice, to Squidward] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player!
- Squidward: Mediocre?
- [reveals to be Plankton inside his brain talking to his microphone]
- Plantkon: [with SpongeBob's voice] You pretentious, little insignificant artist. Your sniveling creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.
- Plankton: Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants? [SpongeBob tries to resist, but stops]
- SpongeBob: I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. [tears start to come out of his eyes] I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, [one of his teary eyes twinkles] you delicate little Krabby Patty.
- Plankton: Mmm...
- SpongeBob: [tearing up even more] With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness. [inside, Plankton starts to get hungry]
- Plankton: Steamy...
- [A live-action patty gets assembled on screen as SpongeBob states the ingredients]
- SpongeBob: I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns. [inside, Plankton starts to drool excessively]
- Plankton: Yes... yes... YES! [jumps out of one of SpongeBob's holes to the patty] Come to papa! [bounces off the patty and accidentally lands in the analyzer] Oh, boy. [now zapped and the computer reads out the analysis]
- Karen: Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas. [Plankton appears on the screen]
- Plankton: Well, this stinks.
- SpongeBob: Well, patty, I guess we can go home now. [walks out]
- Plankton: SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! [SpongeBob walks out the swivel doors and they go back and forth] Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! [the doors come to a close] [shouts] No! [normal voice] I'll settle for some fries. [the episode ends]
Episode 4
[edit]Naughty Nautical Neighbors [1.4a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: [sings] ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the world... ♪ [plays the bassinet very badly] ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the sea... ♪ [the bow flies into a painting of Squidward. Squidward breaks the bow in half; singing and playing the bassinet like a guitar] ♪ Squidward- ♪
- Patrick: [poking his head out the window] ♪ Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob. ♪ [Spongebob shuts the window in his face] Oh!
- SpongeBob: And Patrick is a DIRTY, STINKY, ROTTEN FRIEND STEALER!! [hits the bassinet against the floor and it breaks] Um, I can fix this. [Squidward growls and kicks him out] So, uh...I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward. Call me.
- Squidward: [after his front door falls on him] Oh-ho, my back.
Boating School [1.4b]
[edit]- [SpongeBob arrives at Mrs. Puff's Boating School]
- Crabwater: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, I just got my license!
- SpongeBob: Hey, I'm getting mine next.
- Crabwater: Hey, I doubt it.
- SpongeBob: I've got too much to worry about.
- Mrs. Puff: [inflated, in deep voice] Oh, SpongeBob, WHY?
- Fred: My leg!
- Mrs. Puff: You've shown the most spectacular improvement of any student I've ever seen. What's your secret? A little radio in your head? [she and SpongeBob laugh; cuts to Patrick at the pineapple also laughing] Oh, and under that hat is some kind of, uhh, antenna? [they laugh again] And some guy miles away from here is giving you all the answers? [the laughing sequence plays a third time] Oh, yes...But that would be cheating.
- Patrick: Cheating! [laughs]
- SpongeBob: I'm cheating. Mrs. Puff.
- Mrs. Puff: Yes, my star pupil?
- SpongeBob: I think I'm cheating.
- [Near the end of the driving test]
- SpongeBob: Cheating, I'm a cheater! Cheater!
- Mrs. Puff: No, no, no! It's quite alright! You can cheat that way! [points towards the finish line]
- SpongeBob: No, I'm cheating!
Episode 5
[edit]Pizza Delivery [1.5a]
[edit]- Squidward: Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?
- SpongeBob: I can't, it's for the customer!
- Squidward: Who cares about the customer?
- SpongeBob: I do!
- Squidward: Well, I don't!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward!
- Squidward: Give it to me!
- SpongeBob: No! We promised it's for the customer!
- Squidward: [calms down] You're right. It's for the customer.
- SpongeBob: Yeah!
- Squidward: Maybe we better check on it, make sure it's okay.
- SpongeBob: Well?
- Squidward: Just a peek. [opens the box]
- SpongeBob: [quickly shuts it] Okay, it's fine.
- Squidward: No, I think I saw something. [opens the box] Oh. No. I was wrong. Looks okay. Sure is a fine-looking pizza.
- SpongeBob: Yeah...
- Squidward: What's that? Is that the cheese?
- SpongeBob: Yeah...
- Squidward: And the pepperoni?
- SpongeBob: Yeah...
- Squidward: Ooh, looks good, huh?
- SpongeBob: Wait a second! I know what you're trying to do, Squidward! I'm not letting you eat the pizza!
- Squidward: Give me that pizza!
- SpongeBob: No!
- Squidward: Don't make me take it away from you, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Get away!
- Squidward: [starts chasing SpongeBob] Get back here, SpongeBob! Give me that pizza!
- SpongeBob: No!
- Squidward: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: No!
- Squidward: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: No!
- [Squidward becomes too tired to chase SpongeBob]
- Tom (orange): [after Tom insults SpongeBob by not taking the pizza and slamming the door in his face, Squidward angrily walks up to the house and knocks on the door] Another one?! Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!
- Squidward: Well, this one's on the house! [slams the pizza box in Tom's face]
Home Sweet Pineapple [1.5b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Hooray, Gary! We're finally huge! [the house shrinks again again and the bed disappears, leaving SpongeBob on the floor]
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: Huh? Wait a minute. [the scene cuts to outside where the nematodes are still drinking SpongeBob's house] Oh no! [runs into the living room. but squeezes through the door as he almost gets stuck. He gets freed as he gets launched into the wall. Gary gets stuck through the door as he slithers in. SpongeBob crashes into the wall, flipping the side table over] Ow. Shellphone! I know, I'll call Squidward. He'll know what to do.
- Squidward: Hello?
- SpongeBob: Squidward!
- Squidward: Is it time already for you to ruin my day?
- SpongeBob: Squidward, help me! [his shellphone starts to shrink] My house is shrinking! I woke this morning, I was getting smaller and [high pitched voice] smaller! The walls are closing in on me! Gary is terrified too! [the shellphone is hung up; normal voice] Oh no!
- Squidward: Yep, it is.
- SpongeBob: Aah!
- Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? Hey, SpongeBob. Don't start without me.
- Squidward: Tum-ta-dum. Today's the big day, Squidward. Don't wanna be late. [flies into his closet, gets dressed, and goes outside] Gotta hurry! Hold it! Hold everything! [SpongeBob and Patrick stand outside, with bags] I would not want to miss this. The day SpongeBob moves. I can't believe it's really happening.
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. I'll come visit you.
- Squidward: Don't try to cheer me up, SpongeBob. Please.
- SpongeBob: Here come my parents.
- [Patrick begins to cry and the car horn sounds as SpongeBob's parents drive up]
- Mrs. SquarePants: SpongeBob. Hi, honey, we're here.
- Mr. SquarePants: Come on, SpongeBob, hurry, hurry, son, your mother has dinner waiting.
- SpongeBob: Hi, Mom.
- Squidward: Hello, Mrs. SquarePants! Let me help you with these bags. [picks up the bags and carries them to the car]
- SpongeBob: Just give me a minute. [he walks back to where his house used to be] I cannot hold onto you any longer, little pebble. [buries it into the ground in the middle of where his house used to be] You hold too many memories. [sheds a tear, which falls from his nose and into the ground where the seed absorbs it, it then starts to glow. Then he shakes Squidward's hand] Well, Squidward, this is goodbye.
- Squidward: Goodbye, SpongeBob, goodbye. [dances and celebrates] Goodbye, SpongeBob. Bye-bye-bye. Goodbye, SpongeBob. Ha-ha. Goodbye, goodbye.
- Mrs. SquarePants: Come on, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: Goodbye, Patrick. Goodbye, Bikini Bottom.
- [Patrick holds onto the back of the boat, lifting the front into the air, as he cries]
- Squidward: [still dancing and celebrating] SpongeBob is leaving. He's leaving, he's leaving! La, la, la, la, la, la, la ha ha ha ha! He's leaving, ha ha! SpongeBob is leaving, he's leaving!
- [Suddenly, the ground starts shaking. Squidward stops dancing, while SpongeBob, his parents and Patrick stare. The pebble, revealed to be a seed, grows into a giant green stem out of the ground, SpongeBob's house grows from the plant and drops where his old house used to be and on Squidward. The stem then goes back into the ground]
- SpongeBob: My house is back! Aww! Good old pineapple! It was exactly where it used to be! [continues praising all of the returned belongings he possessed in his original house] Aww, Squidward, isn't this great? I'm back forever!
- Squidward: Forever?
- [The episode ends]
Episode 6
[edit]Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy [1.6a]
[edit]- Mermaid Man: [as a young adult] By the power of Neptune!
- TV Announcer: [as he speaks, young adult Barnacle Boy joins Mermaid Man] Mermaid Man, with his young associate Barnacle Boy, fights for all creatures who live in the sea, against the forces of evil.
- Barnacle Boy: Time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot.
- Mermaid Man: Evil! Where is it?
- Barnacle Boy: [points at SpongeBob and Patrick] There it is! You know what this means? [opens a box containing their rings]
- Mermaid Man: Donuts.
- Barnacle Boy: Oh brother.
- Squidward: Let me guess, Tiny, a small salad?
- Bubble Bass: I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let it swim.
- Squidward: We serve food here, sir.
- SpongeBob: Wait a MINUTE! [grabs Bubble Bass' tongue and pulls it out, revealing four pickles underneath] Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!
- Mr. Krabs: And there's the pickles from last time, too!
- Woman Fish: And there's my car keys!
- Bubble Bass: And... there's my ride. [runs out of the Krusty Krab]
- Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the return of our master fry cook, SpongeBob! Hip hip...
- All: Hooray!
- Squidward: Hooray.
- Mr. Krabs: Hip hip...
- All: Hooray!
- Squidward: Whoop-dee-doo.
- Mr. Krabs: Hip hip...
- All: Hooray!
- Squidward: Oh, boy.
- SpongeBob: And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place when I was gone: Squidward! [Squidward smiles] Hip hip...
- All: Boo! [Squidward is shocked and frowns. His frown gets more groopier with each "boo"]
- SpongeBob: Hip hip...
- All: Boo!
- [Cut to an outside shot of the Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob: Hip hip...
- All: Boo!
- SpongeBob: Hip hip...
- Customer: BOO! YOU STINK!
Episode 7
[edit]Hall Monitor [1.7a]
[edit]- [SpongeBob is lying on the ground after the class tramples him while running out the door]
- Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, are you okay?
- SpongeBob: I overdid the speech again, didn't I?
- Mrs. Puff: I'm afraid so.
- SpongeBob: Aw, tartar sauce! I guess I won't be needing this. [takes off uniform] I hardly knew you. [frowns and begins to walk away]
- Mrs. Puff: Uh, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff?
- Mrs. Puff: I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow.
- SpongeBob: [flies back into the uniform with a shout of joy] Thanks, Mrs. Puff!
- Mrs. Puff: [to herself] What are the consequences of what I've just done? [sighs as she walks back into her classroom]
- SpongeBob: [takes a look at a wanted poster] Huh, this guy's not half-bad-looking for a maniac. Wait a minute, Patrick...I'm the maniac.
- [Four police cars and several policeman surround SpongeBob]
- Wilkie: We'll take that as a confession.
- Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob SquarePants, there you are. I turn my back on you for one minute and you destroy half the city. You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Wilkie: You know this guy?
- Mrs. Puff: Of course I do. I'm the one who gave him the uniform in the first place. He's my responsibility. Uh-oh...
- [cut to the classroom. It is revealed Puff is in a jail cell teaching with a camera pointed at her with a monitor in the classroom.]
- Mrs. Puff: So, in conclusion, class. Red means "stop", green means "go". Oh, and SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: [nervously] Yes, Mrs. Puff?
- Mrs. Puff: [shown on the monitor] I'd like to see you after class... 6 months from now!
- [episode ends]
Jellyfish Jam [1.7b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Squidward! Hey, Squidward! Squidward! Squidward-ier! [Squidward peeks out his window] Squidward! Look at my new pet.
- Squidward: That's no pet, that's a wild animal.
- SpongeBob: No, he isn't. Watch this. [throws a stick so the jellyfish returns it. SpongeBob is holding up 3 fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
- Jellyfish: [humming] 1, 2, 3.
- SpongeBob: Play dead.
- [The jellyfish is buried underground with a tomb that says "R.I.P.". He pops up]
- Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing into my house even if it was potty trained. [the jellyfish, still on the rope, is on a toilet reading a newspaper] I didn't need to see that.
- SpongeBob: Well, we're going to my house to have a little fun.
- Squidward: How can you possibly have fun with a jellyfish?
- Squidward: SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish FOR TWELVE HOURS!
- Squidward: RRRRRRRGH....EIGHTEEN HOURS!!!!! [gets out of bed; grabs his shellphone] I'm gonna give SpongeBob a piece of my mind!
Episode 8
[edit]Sandy's Rocket [1.8a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Nice try, Sandy.
- Patrick: Or should I say "Mrs. Alien Pants"? [laughs]
- Sandy: Aliens? Is that what this is about? [SpongeBob and Patrick throw Sandy in the rocket] This isn't the moon! We're still in Bikini Bot-- [door is slammed shut]
- SpongeBob: It just goes to show you: you can't trust anyone. [he and Patrick stare at each other, run off, and pump their guns] So, you were an alien all the time, and you didn't even tell me!
- Patrick: I didn't even know!
- SpongeBob: Well, I've got you now!
- Patrick: Oh, but it's not you that's got me. It's... [fires his pop-gun, but traps himself instead] ...me that's got me.
- SpongeBob: Boy, I can’t wait to see the look on Sandy’s face. [starts up the engine crashing to the moon] Sandy, I'm back! [peeks out the window] Wow, Bikini Bottom sure looks different. [sees the Earth and realizes his mistake] Uh-oh...
- People: SpongeBob, we aliens would like a word with you!
Squeaky Boots [1.8b]
[edit]- Mr. Krabs: Wha? [looks at a clock] What's that? [looks at Gallery Grub with "Squeak" words in it] I didn't write that, agh! What? [Tom's mouth muted] Who said that? Who's there? [water dripping] Huh?
- [Thunder rumbles]
- SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' memory] Could the world greatest fry cook do this? And this! And this! And this! And this! And this, and this, and this, and this, and this. [Mr. Krabs' eyes swirl] This, and this, and this, and this, and this, and...?
- Mr. Krabs: [snapping after too much squeaking] Stop it! Stop it! Oh! Don't you hear it? [short silence as the few customers stare at him] Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They're here! Under the floorboard! [sobbing] Oh, please! Make it stop! It's the squeaking of the hideous boots! [throws himself onto the floor and bawls] I'm sorry... [lifts up the entire Krusty Krab and grabs the boots, with everyone screaming inside.] ...but I can't take the infernal squeakin' no more! [throws himself onto the floor, then lifts the entire krusty krab up to grab the boots; He then rushes to the kitchen with the evil expression, He puts the boots into the vat of grease shrinking them and then eating them, He then opens the door to the dining room and lets out the burp] The deed is done.
- Spongebob: [confused] Umm, why did you eat my boots Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: Because lad, you didn't need em. It's not the boots, it's the booty. Err, um, the person in the boots. You're a great fry cook, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: I do, son. [gives SpongeBob money] Here's your paycheck, SpongeBob. [gives more money] Plus, a bonus. [takes bonus back] Well, there's your paycheck anyway. [walks off] I need a vacation.
- SpongeBob: Bye, Mr. Krabs!
Episode 9
[edit]Nature Pants [1.9a]
[edit]- Squidward: [about SpongeBob, who has decided to go live in the wild] He took off his pants...
- Sandy: I'll give him a week.
- Squidward: I'll give him 11 minutes.
- Patrick: [on the verge of tears] Patrick Sad!
- Sandy: Here, Patrick, have a Krabby Patty! [whispers] There he is Patrick, say your line!
- Patrick: [reading script] Why, thank you, Sandy, I would love one. (Take patty.) [takes the patty] Too bad SpongeBob isn't here, these are his favorites. I sure wish he'd come home! (Take...bite...) [tries to but can't] I can't do it! SpongeBob, come back!
- SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm not coming home.
- Patrick: I miss you! Sandy misses you! Even Squidward misses you!
- [Cuts to Squidward at a party in his house dancing and cheering that SpongeBob is gone.]
- SpongeBob: Well, that's over. Back to jellyfish matters. [a drop of jelly lands on SpongeBob nose. He samples it] Mmm, jelly. [eats a lot of jelly as the jellyfish come back toward the hive] Ah, my jellyfish brethren are returning! [jellyfish buzz into the hive] Greetings, comrades!
- [The jellyfish repeatedly sting SpongeBob and he yells. SpongeBob climbs out of the hive with several bites yelling in pain and runs as the jellyfish keep stinging him.]
- [Later, SpongeBob is walking home, back to Bikini Bottom, at night.]
- SpongeBob: Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. [says "Buzz" fourteen more times as he walks up to the Krusty Krab door with a "Closed" sign and sees a plate full of Krabby Patties on a table] Krabby Patties. Buzz. Buzz. [walks past Sandy's treedome, then he sniffles] Sandy. [still saying "Buzz," walks up to his pineapple] What have I done? I had a great life and friends, and I gave all of that up.
- [SpongeBob opens the door. The light turns on. Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Squidward, Patrick, and Gary are there to welcome him home.]
- Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Sandy: Welcome home, SpongeBob! [Squidward blows a party blower]
- SpongeBob: You guys are the best! I made a huge mistake. Please forgive me!
- Mr. Krabs: Ah, quit your blubbering and have a Krabby Patty. [hands him a Krabby Patty]
- SpongeBob: Don't mind if I do. [eats it as Mr. Krabs places his Krusty Crew hat on his head]
- Mr. Krabs: And I'll see you at work first thing tomorrow morning.
- SpongeBob: [salutes] Aye, aye, captain!
- Squidward: SpongeBob, do us all a favor. [hands SpongeBob his pants]
- SpongeBob: Don't mind if I do! [puts on his pants] Ta-dah. [hugs Squidward] Aww.
- Squidward: Okay, that's enough. [everyone else hugs SpongeBob and Squidward]
- Gary: Meow.
- Squidward: Could we please stop this? [everyone except SpongeBob starts to feel something]
- Patrick: Patrick itchy! [everyone but SpongeBob starts to scratch themselves and crawl on the floor]
- SpongeBob: It is great to be home!
Opposite Day [1.9b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. I mean, goodbye, Squidward! Aw, isn't Opposite Day...terrible? [laughs]
- Squidward: [growling] I'll tell you what's terrible: living next to you! You're the worst neighbor in history!
- SpongeBob: Wow, that's the nicest thing Squidward's ever said to me.
- [SpongeBob's doorbell rings]
- SpongeBob: Company! I hate company. [rushes to the door] Who's there?
- Patrick: It's Patrick!
- SpongeBob: Patrick... go away! I never want to see you again! [giggles, but Patrick starts to cry]
- Patrick: [sobbing] SpongeBob doesn't like me anymore!
- SpongeBob: [opens the door] That's right. You're my worst enemy.
- [Patrick falls to the ground and bawls]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, you're not really not my friend. It's just Opposite Day!
- Patrick: Opposite Day? Hey, I've heard of that!
- SpongeBob: You have?
- Patrick: No! What is it?
- SpongeBob: Well, whatever you normally do, today you do the opposite.
- Patrick: Oh! Let me try! Let me try! [holds his breath for about 6 seconds then turns purple]
- SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick, breathe!
- [Patrick takes a deep breath in and pants]
- SpongeBob: Not that opposite. Let me show you how to do it the wrong way!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are talking backwards]
- SpongeBob: .kcirtap, yeH (Hey, Patrick.)
- Patrick: .pu evig I (I give up.)
- SpongeBob: !edis etisoppo eht ot teg oT (To get to the opposite side!)
- [Both laughing backwards]
- SpongeBob: I don't get it. I made my house a mess, which was making it clean, which made Squidward clean my yard, but that really means he's messing it up. But the opposite of clean is filth, which means filth is clean, that means Squidward is really making my yard a wreck, but I normally wreck my own yard which means, Squidward is being the opposite of Squidward, which means he's SpongeBob! A-ha! I understand everything now! I must be the opposite of SpongeBob, by being... [Disguises himself to look like Squidward; talks like him] Squidward.
- Patrick: Hey! I wanna be opposite, too!
- [SpongeBob puts some coral on Patrick to give him a Squidward nose.]
- Patrick: Yeah! Finally! Yoo-hoo! I'm Squidward! I'm Squidward! Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
- SpongeBob: Wait. It's not enough to look like Squidward to be opposite. [mimics Squidward] You have to act like him too. Boy oh boy, do I like playing the clarinet. I practice and practice all day long but I never get any better. [own voice] Now you try.
- Patrick: Okay. [inhales, beat] I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: I'm Squidward. I'm Squidward. I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
- [Spongebob plays Squidward's clarinet for the realtor]
- Realtor: Okay. I really don't want to hear another one.
- SpongeBob: [talking like Squidward] Okay. [plays the clarinet again]
- Realtor: I really don't want to hear more, thank you.
- SpongeBob: I hear you loud and clear. [When SpongeBob play the clarinet the third time, Squidward opens the door]
- Squidward: Stop! Get away from her! [to the realtor] Oh, I am so sorry, Ma'am. I hope these two [turns to SpongeBob and Patrick] barnacle heads [turns back to the realtor] haven't harmed you in any way.
- Realtor: Who are you?
- Squidward: Why, I'm Squidward.
- Realtor: What kind of fool do you take me for? [points to Patrick] He's Squidward. [points to SpongeBob] He's Squidward. [points to Squidward] You're Squidward? I'M SQUIDWARD! Are there any other Squidwards I should know about?!
- Gary: [with a pickle on his face imitating Squidward] Meow.
- Realtor: I'm out of here.
- Squidward: Ma'am, please! What about my house?
- Realtor: I wouldn't sell a house for you if you were the last Squidward on Earth!
- Squidward: Wait!
- SpongeBob: Don't...
- Patrick: Go!
- Squidward: [screams, runs out of his house, and holds onto the realtor's leg and skirt. The realtor is dragging him, as she's about to leave] No, no, no, no, no! Please sell my house!
- Realtor: NEVER!!! [drives away]
- Squidward: Don't leave me here! [starts crying]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Happy Opposite Day, Squidward! We hate you!
- Squidward: [looks livid then calms down] Let me show you guys how much I HATE YOU.
- [Squidward leaves; the ground rumbles and SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run off; reveals Squidward driving the bulldozer used to dismantle SpongeBob's house with; the two run away]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, do you ever feel that Squidward likes us too much?!
- Squidward: HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY!!!!
- [Squidward laughs evilly as he continues chasing them as they run away into the distance, ending the episode]
Episode 10
[edit]Culture Shock [1.10a]
[edit]- Squidward: Uh, good evening and welcome to the first annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show, sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, because no one else would give it a home. [a rimshot plays and Patrick bursts out laughing] Uh, thank you, heh. Our next act is living proof that nepotism is alive and well. [another rimshot plays and Patrick laughs again]
- Patrick: It's happened! [laughing]
- Squidward: Heh, thank you. Uh, put your fins together for... [Patrick cracks up laughing very hard. Bashes on the table with laughter, shaking dinnerware. He falls off his chair] Put your... [Patrick laughs] Put... [Patrick laughs] Pearl. [crowd applauds]
- Mr. Krabs: Hooray! [the curtain rises for Pearl, dressed in cheerleader uniform] My little girl is finally a star.
- Pearl: Give me a K-R-U! [jumps up and down on the stage causing the crowd to fly up and down with her] Give me a S-T-Y! [jumps up and down again] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down]
- Mr. Krabs: [he, Patrick, and SpongeBob's parents get tossed up and down. Mr. Krabs appears happy] Now that's what I call talent! [Krusty Krab floor is destroyed]
- Pearl: Thank you!
- Edward: My leg! Ugh!
- Pearl: Thank you, [chuckles] thank you!
F.U.N. [1.10b]
[edit]- Plankton: I'm winning. I'm winning!
- SpongeBob: It's not about winning, it's about fun!
- Plankton: What's that?
- SpongeBob: Fun is when you... [thinking to himself] fun is... it's like... it's kinda... sorta like a... what is fun? I... let me spell it for you. [singing while showing the letter "F"] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff together, [cut to a bored Plankton, then cut to SpongeBob showing the letter "U"] U is for you and me, [as the letter "N" while performing a cartwheel] N is for anywhere, anytime at all ♪
- Singers: [the letters "F" and "U" reappear next to SpongeBob] ♪ Down here in the deep blue sea ♪
- Plankton: ♪ F is for fire that burns down the whole town, [cut to SpongeBob, visibly scared] U is for uranium... Bombs, [cut back to Plankton] N is for no sur-vi-vors, WHEN YOU--- ♪
- SpongeBob: Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about. Now, do it like this: [does some wacky dance moves] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff to-- ♪
- Plankton: Never! That's completely idiotic!
- SpongeBob: Here, let me help you. [grabs Plankton hands while helping him dance] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me ♪ [stops singing] Try it!
- Plankton: [performs a cartwheel] ♪ N is for anywhere, anytime at all ♪
- Singers: ♪ Down here in the deep blue sea ♪
- Plankton: Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?
- SpongeBob: No! That's how you're supposed to feel!
- Plankton: Well, I like it. Let's do it again!
- SpongeBob: [the scene cuts to the flower beds] Okay!
- SpongeBob and Plankton: F is for frolic through all the flowers, [cut to Plankton inside a ukulele. SpongeBob is dressed Hawaiian style] U is for ukulele. [cut to the two at a Noses shop] N is nose-picking, [cut to SpongeBob blowing gum with Plankton inside] sharing gum, [cut to SpongeBob licking sand at Plankton] and sand-licking, here with my best buddy. [cut the two having fun with the "FUN" letters in the background] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
- [At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is looking through a telescope at SpongeBob and Plankton.]
- Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, mutiny.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, may I speak to you in private? [to Plankton] You won't mind if I set this here, will you?
- [Mr. Krabs puts a plate with a Krabby Patty on the table and pushes it toward him]
- SpongeBob: What's this all about, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: He's a thief. Look at the lust in his eye, he's...
- SpongeBob: Why can't you just accept our friendship?
- Mr. Krabs: He's just after me recipe. I'll prove it to you. [walks up to Plankton] Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.
- Plankton: Oh, yes, but I'm saving my appetite for some popcorn at the movies.
- Mr. Krabs: Uh... suit yourself.
- [Mr. Krabs walks off then comes back to push the plate closer to Plankton. He uses a fan to get the smell to Plankton.]
- SpongeBob: We've had enough of your little tests, Mr. Krabs! [turns the fan off] Come on, Plankton, let's get out of here. [they both walk away]
- Mr. Krabs: Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight...
- [Suddenly, the Krabby Patty on the table falls over, revealing it to be a cardboard prop; he realizes Plankton's friendship is a ruse]
- Mr. Krabs: And maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! [jumps into the boat that serves as the cash register stand, takes a pair of oars, and starts rowing it] Hang on, lad, I'm a-coming!
Episode 11
[edit]MuscleBob BuffPants [1.11a]
[edit][The episode begins at SpongeBob's house. In SpongeBob's house, he is looking at himself in the mirror trying to look strong.] SpongeBob: It's time to grow myself large and wide. [He grows and stretches himself large and wide as he is saying it. He walks over to his weight, which is a pink bunny and a blue bear, and has trouble lifting it, but manages to get it over his head anyway. The doorbell rings and SpongeBob opens the door.] Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob. How's it goin'? SpongeBob: Not too close, Sandy. I tend to get smelly when I'm pumping iron. Check it out. [shows off his muscles, but is still a weakling] Sandy: Well, you're smelly. SpongeBob: All thanks to my state-of-the-art work set. [shows all sorts of stuffed animals] Sandy: Uhh... I don't wanna disappoint you, SpongeBob, but you won't see any progress with those. SpongeBob: Oh, really? Sandy: That is, if you want arms like these. [rolls up her right sleeve, and flexes her right arm, showing off a big, impressive bicep] Or these! [rolls up her other sleeve and flexes her left arm, revealing her other bicep] Or these! [shows off her powerful back muscles while executing a back double bicep flex] [SpongeBob's arm wiggles in the air.] SpongeBob: Well, uhh, maybe I could use a little help. Sandy: Well, if you want arms like mine, you just gotta follow my training program. SpongeBob: Wow, really? That'd be great, Sandy! I can see me now. [imagines himself with muscles and very tall working at the Krusty Krab, singing and jellyfishing at Jellyfish Fields and telling Gary goodnight, too big for his bed] Goodnight, Gary. Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: [dream ends] Yeah... that would change everything! Sandy: Be at my place at 5 a.m. Oh, and you'll need a water helmet. [puts a water helmet on his head] [Bubble transition to Sandy's tree dome, where SpongeBob is trying to do push-ups.] Sandy: Come on, SpongeBob, it's only push-ups! Come on! Come on! You can do it! [SpongeBob is grunting at this point determined to get a push-up. His body cracks and falls down while his arms stay up.] SpongeBob: One! [acorn bell dings] Sandy: [in a boxing ring with gloves on] Alright, put 'em up! SpongeBob: [struggles getting his gloves up] They're up! Sandy: Ding ding! [punches SpongeBob out of the ring. Later, Sandy starts up her exercise wheel with SpongeBob on it. SpongeBob pants while the wheel goes faster and makes him trip all over the wheel] Feeling the burn? SpongeBob: I'm-fee-ling-some-thing! [launches out of the wheel and into the tree dome glass] Sandy: Well, now that we've got you warmed up, it's time for the arm-cruncher. SpongeBob: Arm-cruncher, great. [looks over and sees two cement blocks slamming into the cement pedestal] This squirrel's trying to kill me! Sandy: [walks up to the arm-cruncher with phone in hand] This is it. SpongeBob: Hey, that's great, Sandy. Well, I sure had fun, we'll have to do it again sometime, bye. [hangs up] This working-out thing isn't working out. [his arms bulge in and out] Ow. Ow. Ow. TV: Hey! Hey, you! Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! "Oh, I'm a little peanut worm." Are you too much of a wimp to work out? Are you a weakling built like a sponge? Well, now you too can have muscles. SpongeBob: Huh? TV: With Anchor Arms! [puts a long pink blow-up item on his arm] They slip on like a glove. Just add air. [puts a plug in the arm's hole and pumps air into it] How big do you want 'em? [pumps air into the other arm] Normal? [puts more air into the arm] Veiny?! And for the ladies... [puts air into the arm which makes it grow hair] ...hairy. [SpongeBob whistles as the TV puts up an image of a weak shark] I was a wimp before Anchor Arms. Now, I'm a jerk and everybody loves me. So order now, wimp! SpongeBob: Wow, now that's a good idea! Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: I wanna be just like him. Yeah, I've gotta get to a phone! [later, a big shadow of SpongeBob is walking down the road past Squidward, who is sitting in a chair licking a popsicle] Hi, Squidward! Squidward: [with his tongue stuck to the popsicle while looking up] SpongeBob? [Cuts to Mr. Krabs sweeping the outside of the Krusty Krab.] Mr. Krabs: [looks up] Huh? SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Mother of pearl! [hides in the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Mussel Beach where everyone is lifting weights. SpongeBob comes in and makes Incidental 24C drop a big weight on Incidental 24B and Incidental 24Q's feet] Incidental 24B and Incidental 24Q: Ow... SpongeBob: Hi, guys. [shows off his new muscles] Larry: SpongeBob, is that you? SpongeBob: [walking on his hands] Who were you expecting, Tiny Tim? Wait... wait... [flexes his muscles] They're big, aren't they? Larry: Dude, you're ripped! SpongeBob: [flexes out the words] Thank...You. I've been working out. Excuse me a second. [flexes more] Yeah. Anyone up for the... [flexes his muscles into drinks] ...juice bar? [bubble transition to outside of the juice bar] Scooter: [to Incidental 18] I'm tellin' ya, he's huge! Sandy: [walks up to them] Have you guys seen SpongeBob anywhere? Scooter: You mean 'MuscleBob BuffPants'? He's in there! [points to the inside of the juice bar] Sandy: Uhh, whatever. Thanks. [walks to the juice bar] SpongeBob: [now inside] I start off with twenty raw eggs every day. But that's just me. Sandy: Pardon me. SpongeBob: Working out is my life! I remember when I used to look like that guy over there. [points to Incidental 35] Incidental 35: Who me? [everyone laughs] SpongeBob: I remember when I used to look like you, too. [points to Larry and laughs] But, that was a long time ago. Incidental 6: Here's your drink, sir. SpongeBob: Thank you. [tries to lift up his drink but can't so he stretches his mouth out to the straw and drinks] Yeah... Sandy: SpongeBob? Wha-where'd you get those muscles? SpongeBob: I've created my own workout routine that's given me amazing results. [his anchor arm almost slips off] Whoops! Yeah, I have never felt better. Sandy: Heck, what's your secret? SpongeBob: What? Sandy: Your secret workout. What is it? [everyone wants to know and looks over at SpongeBob. SpongeBob thinks of something nervously and quickly] SpongeBob: Hmmm, well... I, uhh... first I take my hand and I do this... [makes armpit noises] Larry: Are you kidding? SpongeBob: Do these muscles lie? [flexes his muscles into a shape of a sponge. Everyone starts making armpit noises] Sandy: I'm glad to see you found an exercise program that works for you. SpongeBob: Yeah, your workout routine wasn't quite tough enough for me. Sandy: Can't argue with those results. What you need to do now is put those muscles to the test. SpongeBob: Uhh, what do you mean? Sandy: The big Mussel Beach anchor tossing competition. It's today! Everybody'll be there! Tom: Here's your drink. [sets the drink on SpongeBob's anchor-arm hand and it sinks down] Sandy: Hey, with those arms, you'll do great! SpongeBob: Uhh, well, I'm not sure. Sandy: C'mon, let's go. SpongeBob: Right now?! Wait, uhh, wait, Sandy. I don't think it's such a... [tries to run away but the drink is holding him back. He tries lifting the drink but is unsuccessful] Sandy, wait! Sandy: Here it is. The sign-in list. SpongeBob: Oh, no. Sandy: [signs her name on a piece of paper] Okay, Sandy... [cuts to SpongeBob struggling to lift his drink, then back to Sandy] Cheeks. SpongeBob: [still struggling] Wait, Sandy, don't sign just yet! [Sandy puts the paper into the entry box. He strains] Sandy: Okay. SpongeBob: Wait! Sandy: [signs SpongeBob's name on a piece of paper] SpongeBob... SquarePants. [Tom lifts the drink off of SpongeBob, which sends him flying towards Sandy, who puts the paper into the entry box] SpongeBob: Sandy, wait...! [slams into a pole] Sandy: It's okay, SpongeBob, I already signed your name in. SpongeBob: Oh, great. Thanks, Sandy. [bubble transition to the competition] Sports guy: We on? Welcome to the Goo Lagoon 8th annual anchor toss competition. [everyone is getting ready but SpongeBob is nervous] Sandy: Ready, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. Sure. No problem. [blows frantically into his Anchor Arms] Sports guy: Could I get some mustard on that? Oh. First up, Don the Whale. [Incidental 32 throws the anchor and it lands. A fish comes up to measure the distance] Measurer: 200 yards. [the crowd cheers] Sports guy: Let's see an instant-replay. [another anchor comes flying in on top of the measuring fish and hits him] Amazing! Up next, Larry the Lobster. [Larry throws his anchor. The measuring fish runs away from the anchor but it follows him and crushes him once again] Measurer: 210 yards! Sports guy: Here goes, Sandy Cheeks. [Sandy throws it up in the air and kicks it away. The measuring fish runs around trying to avoid getting hit by the anchor but the anchor crushes him anyway] Measurer: 510 yards! Sports guy: Wow! Fabulous! Sandy: Beat that, SpongeBob! Sports guy: Up next, SpongeBob SquarePants. Crowd: [imitates the armpit exercise while others are holding up SpongeBob signs and chanting] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob: [tries to pull the anchor but instead he falls under the ground with the anchor and comes out and laughs] Just kidding. Just kidding. [everyone laughs] Sandy: That SpongeBob is funnier than ears on an acorn. SpongeBob: Oh, this is it. They're all gonna find out I'm a fake. I can't give up. I've got to try. I can do it! I've got Anchor Arms! I'm no wimp, I'm a jerk! [blows his Anchor Arms over the "JERK" size, which makes the arms very huge and incredibly enormous] Yeah! [tries to lift the anchor again but when he tries too hard, veins grow on his arms, and some of the air in one arm goes into his nose. He tries to lift the anchor again, but the air goes into his left eye as the crowd 'ooh's. He tries to lift the anchor again and causes the air to go into his left tooth. He tries to lift the anchor again for the last time, causing the air to rapidly go to different parts of his body and back until stopping moments later. Suddenly, the Anchor Arms engulf around his body, before exploding from the extreme pressure. After the air blows off, the popped Anchor Arms deflate, floating down.] Crowd: Ooh... Crowd attendee: Um... I think he lost. Crowd: [starts chanting for Sandy] Sandy! Sandy! Sandy! [SpongeBob's real arms reappear; Sandy walks up to SpongeBob and taps her foot, disappointed. SpongeBob walks away, leaving his destroyed Anchor Arms on the ground and follows Sandy to the treedome.] SpongeBob: 96. 97. 98. 99. 100. Sandy: I want 100 more. SpongeBob: It hurts. [changes the channel over and over] 1. 2. 3. 4... Sandy: I think we finally found an exercise for you, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: ...9. 10. [his arm falls off] Can you get that?
Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost [1.11b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: A grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. [drops grape into Squidward's mouth] A banana peeled to your liking, your incorporealness. [squeezes the banana into Squidward's mouth]
- Patrick: [drops watermelon into Squidward's mouth, who keels over due to the weight] One watermelon fresh from the manure fields, your spookiness.
- Squidward: SpongeBob, I have a confession to make. [takes off towel from his head]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] You're bald?!
- Squidward: No, I'm not bald! I'm alive! Now get rid of that tombstone and tell all your friends to go home!
- SpongeBob: But--
- Squidward: Do it!
- SpongeBob: Go home. [everyone leaves] But I, Master--
- Squidward: I'm not your master, I'm your neighbor! Now do me a favor and stop doing me favors!
- SpongeBob: As you wish, master.
- Squidward: D'oh!
- Patrick: Boy, he really had us fooled.
- SpongeBob: No, Patrick. He's the fool. He's a ghost in denial. He needs us now more than ever!
- Patrick: You're right. He really needs to get up to the great beyond.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, say that again!
- Patrick: That again.
- SpongeBob: No, the other thing.
- Patrick: No, the other thing.
- SpongeBob: [annoyed] No, what you said before when you...
- Patrick: No, what you said before when you...
- SpongeBob: Never mind! I've got an idea.
- Patrick: Never mind! I've got an idea.
Episode 12
[edit]The Chaperone [1.12a]
[edit]- Pearl Krabs: [walks up outside the ladies restroom] Sponge, are you okay?
- SpongeBob: [crying] Messed everything up.
- Pearl: Don't worry SpongeBob, ya didn't mess everything up.
- SpongeBob: Hot dog.
- Pearl: Actually, it was pretty funny when that hot dog landed in Judy's hair.
- SpongeBob: [crying] All I wanted was for you to have a good time.
- Pearl: But I am having a good time! You know, we haven't finished our dance yet.
- SpongeBob: [whimpers] Can I still wear the wig?
- Pearl: Yes, you can still wear the wig.
- SpongeBob: [runs out and grabs Pearl to the dance floor] Let's go!
Employee of the Month [1.12b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward.
- Squidward: Okay, I'll bite. What is it, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Do you know what today is?
- Squidward: Annoy Squidward Day?
- SpongeBob: [laughs] No, silly. [gets out a calendar] That's on the 15th. [points to a picture of Squidward's head on the calendar] Today is the beginning of the judging for Employee of the Month.
- Squidward: SpongeBob, don't you know that award is a scam?
- SpongeBob: What do you mean?
- Squidward: Mr. Krabs gives you that award, so you'll work harder for no extra money.
- SpongeBob: That is not true, Squidward. He gives it to me because I work harder. You could win it too if you tried harder.
- Squidward: Oh, for what? To get my face on the Wall of Shame? [shows wall full of SpongeBob pictures for being Employee of the Month]
- SpongeBob: No! [begins to cry for losing an award and falls on his knees] How could I have let the quality of my work slip so much?
- SpongeeBob: An experienced employee of the month always keeps a [lifts up his Krusty Krab employee hat to reveal a silver brick of lead inside it] brick of lead in his hat.
- SpongeBob: I won't let Squidward win. [the next shot is from SpongeBob's point of view. He sees Squidward setting his alarm clock, yawning and walking off] He can't go to work if he doesn't wake up. Target sighted.
- [SpongeBob and Squidward are trying to drag along some big items. SpongeBob is dragging an anchor and Squidward is dragging a flaming boat.]
- Squidward: SpongeBob? Truce? [both wave a white flag]
- SpongeBob: Truce.
- Squidward: SpongeBob, I can't take it anymore. If we keep this up, neither of us will win the award!
- SpongeBob: You're right. We should save our energy for work where we really need it. [it’s now dawn]
- Squidward: Okay, let's have a good clean fight.
- SpongeBob: And may the better man win.
- [They shake hands smiling]
- SpongeBob: [thinking] He's nothing but a lying, boneless, ink-squirting, big-nosed phony.
- Squidward: [thinking] Look at that bucktooth, corn-fed smile, you can't trust him as far as you can throw him.
- SpongeBob: [thinking] As soon as he stops shaking my hand...
- Squidward: [thinking] ...I'm gonna make a run for it.
- [SpongeBob and Squidward stop shaking hands, laugh nervously, and hastily run for the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is opening it up.]
- Mr. Krabs: Money, money, gonna make some money! [sees SpongeBob and Squidward come running over] Ah, it warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early. Boys, you're early. Huh? [realizes that they aren't stopping for anything] Wait! [both push Mr. Krabs out of the way and start doing nice stuff]
- SpongeBob: LOOK, MR. KRABS! CLEAN FLOORS!
- Squidward: CLEAN TABLES, MR. KRABS! [presses too hard on the table while he is cleaning and breaks it in half]
- SpongeBob: CLEAN DISHES, MR. KRABS!
- Mr. Krabs: What's going on here? [SpongeBob drops and breaks the dishes and mops them just like that]
- SpongeBob: IT'S MUCH MORE EFFICIENT TO CLEAN DISHES THIS WAY, MR. KRABS!
- Mr. Krabs: No!
- Squidward: FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE FOR YOU, MR. KRABS!
- SpongeBob: LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY OWN MONEY IN THE REGISTER, MR. KRABS! [SpongeBob puts his money into the register. Squidward and SpongeBob are in the kitchen] 2 SPATULAS TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY, MR. KRABS! FASTER, SPONGEBOB, FASTER!
- Squidward: THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS PATTY FLIPPING, MR. KRABS! I'LL EASILY DOUBLE YOUR OUTPUT, SPONGEHOG!
- Mr. Krabs: Boys, boys, boys! [music gradually speeds up; both SpongeBob and Squidward make many patties to overflow the kitchen, cornering Mr. Krabs] Help! Help! [the amount of Krabby Patties fills up the kitchen and the Krusty Krab itself, causing the whole restaurant to explode, sending thousands of patties raining down in front of the citizens]
- Dave: Hey, free Krabby Patties!
- Mr. Krabs: [with his head bursting through one of SpongeBob's employee pictures] Wait, you've got to pay for those. Wait, wait, wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! [SpongeBob and Squidward come through the picture frame that Mr. Krabs is in and ask him who is the winner, while Mr. Krabs is still complaining about the Krabby Patties]
- SpongeBob: SO, WHO'S THE WINNER OF EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?!
- Squidward: ME, ME! IT'S ME! [SpongeBob and Squidward continue calling out simultaneously about who is the winner]
- Mr. Krabs: Boys! Wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! Boys, wait! [the three continue to argue as the episode fades to black]
Episode 13
[edit]Scaredy Pants [1.13a]
[edit]- French Narrator: Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone.
- [At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is washing dishes in the kitchen. The door creaks open and SpongeBob jumps in surprise.]
- SpongeBob: Huh? Who's there?
- [The door creeks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. He turns around and sees 3 pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes.]
- SpongeBob: Ok, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, I’m leaving! [tries running out but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks]
- Mr. Krabs: Hold on! Don’t you want to hear my annual scary story?
- SpongeBob: No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
- Mr. Krabs: Aye, the worst monster of them all.
- SpongeBob: Uhh... no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story?
- Mr. Krabs: True as the deep blue.
- SpongeBob: Okay, maybe just a little.
- Mr. Krabs: Have a seat, me boy. [sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like... this! [holds up a Krabby Patty] Only bigger!
- SpongeBob: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?
- Mr. Krabs: Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people’s souls. [holds up a pickle]
- SpongeBob: Do souls look like pickles?
- Mr. Krabs: Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them...in his soul bag.
- [Drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly while Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit.]
- Squidward: I’ve come for your pickle.
- [SpongeBob sees Squidward from behind him and jumps up shrieking.]
- Mr. Krabs: Ha! Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [he and Squidward both laugh]
- Patrick: [holds scissors in his right hand a has a puppet on his left hand] SpongeBob, look at my new paper ghost! Oooh, scary.
- SpongeBob: That is it, Patrick.
- Patrick: What’s it?
- SpongeBob: What’s the difference between that ghost and me?
- Patrick: [concentrates] No, no, no wait. Don't tell me. [concentrates more] D-don't tell me. DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! Okay, tell me.
- SpongeBob: I have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, I’m scary.
- [SpongeBob is now sitting on a chair in his bathroom. Patrick has goggles on.]
- Patrick: Okay, are you ready?
- SpongeBob: [shows paper ghost] Remember, like this.
- Patrick: [razors off SpongeBob’s sides] Are you sure you want to do this?
- SpongeBob: Shave me down, make me round!
- Patrick: [uses one of SpongeBob’s sides to wipe off sweat from his forehead] Alright, let’s get to it.
- [Patrick razors off more of SpongeBob Cut to later, SpongeBob is now a round ghost]
- SpongeBob: What do you think?
- Patrick: Perfect. Now that’s scary! [Patrick puts on his funny glasses] Let’s go scare somebody.
- SpongeBob: [after the Flying Dutchman runs away in fear, SpongeBob is shown entirely shaved, exposing his brain] Hey, what do you know? I scared him. [laughs; everyone else runs out of the Krusty Krab, screaming; walking outside with Patrick] It worked, Patrick! I scared everybody!
- Patrick: Yeah, I guess it was your pink hat.
- SpongeBob: Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat, that's my brain.
- Patrick: Oh... [runs away shrieking]
- [Screen goes to black, ending the episode]
- SpongeBob: [offscreen] Don't worry, it grows back.
I Was a Teenage Gary [1.13b]
[edit]- Squidward: [to SpongeBob] Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
- SpongeBob: Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?
- Squidward: What's a Gary?
- SpongeBob: Not a Gary. Gary. He's my pet snail. [shows Gary to Squidward] Say hello.
- [Gary hisses at Squidward and drools]
- Squidward: You actually care for that thing?
- SpongeBob: I love Gary.
- Squidward: Well, I don't. Get somebody else. [walks off]
- SpongeBob: I guess we can't go away this weekend after all, Patrick.
- Squidward: [stops walking] Go away? [walks in reverse back to SpongeBob's Pineapple] You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?
- SpongeBob: [while transforming into a snail] I take it back, Gary! Something is wrong with MEEEE-OWW!!
- [Cuts to Squidward in his bed with his clarinet]
- Squidward: I hope I never see another snail again. Good night, Clary. [a knock is heard on the door and the doorbell rings] Who could that be? As if I didn't already know. [goes downstairs and answers the front door] SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just fiiiii-- Hiin...--- AAAUGH?!
- [attempts to say "fine", but hesitates and shouts almost hysterically]
- SpongeBob: [now a snail] Meow.
- Squidward: Aah!
- SpongeBob: Meow! Meow!
- [Squidward touches SpongeBob's left eye and it curls up. He screams again and runs back inside shutting the door]
- Squidward: SpongeBob?! Oh, Neptune! What have I done? [picks up the snail plasma syringe] It's all your fault! [throws it away] Okay, okay, okay, okay, get it together, Squidward.
Episode 14
[edit]SB-129 [1.14a]
[edit]- [After Squidward, being stuck in the freezer for 2000 years, appears in the future, the freezer's door falls over with Squidward stuck behind it. A robot descendant of SpongeBob named SpongeTron flies past it, then goes back to Squidward]
- SpongeTron: Holy Krabby Patties! A frozen cephalophod! [SpongeTron grabs a chrome hammer; from the hammer comes a red laser, which melts the ice and hits Squidward's buttocks; Squidward shouts]
- Squidward: [trancelike] I'll be out of here in no time.
- SpongeTron: Greetings, primitive.
- Squidward: SpongeBob? Is that you?
- SpongeTron: SpongeBob? No! [robot voice] I am SpongeTron. [normal voice] Welcome to the future!
- Squidward: What?
- SpongeTron: Welcome to the future!
- Squidward: Uh, the future... [notices everything's chrome] Huh?! O-okay, uh, what's going on here? Why is everything chrome?
- SpongeTron: Everything is chrome in the future!
- Squidward: Wha...? [stammers and runs to look outside a window] Oh, my... [notices the chrome environment. The screen pans around the chrome environment] Impossible! He's lying!
- [A flower pops up from underground, then a truck comes, Incidental 119 gets out of the truck, runs up to the flower, sprays it with chrome spray paint, then runs back in the truck and drives away. Squidward looks at the screen]
- Squidward: [looks away from the window] He's right!
- SpongeTron: Of course I'm right, Squidward! Just ask my clones: SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z. [Squidward flinches as a trio of SpongeTron clones have suddenly appeared next to them]
- Squidward: Are the other letters of the alphabet involved here?
- SpongeTron: Sure! All 486 of them!
- Squidward: [finding out he's in a blank background with colored-square tiles] He's not here. No more SpongeBob! No more! I may finally have found a place where I can be all alone! [the word "Alone" appears, alongside some word balloons]
- [the word balloons saying "alone" became smaller]
- Squidward: I gotta get out of here! [panics, runs] Where's the time machine? Where's everything? Where? [stomps on the floor, falls into the time machine with the lever being fixed] I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I miss Bikini Bottom! I miss my Easter Island head! I even miss SpongeBob! [right when Squidward says "SpongeBob," the time machine disappears and reappears in present time Bikini Bottom where SpongeBob and Patrick are still waiting for Squidward in front of his house] SpongeBob! Patrick!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Hi, Squidward.
- Squidward: [rushed] I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was nowhere, and now, I'm back! And...you don't know how happy I am to see you guys.
- SpongeBob: Does this mean you wanna go...
- SpongeBob and Patrick: ...jellyfishing?
- Squidward: No! Who's the barnaclehead who invented that game anyway?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: You are, Squidward.
- [The scene cuts to the island of Bikini Bottom up above the sea while SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh offscreen]
- Squidward: [offscreen] I'm going back.
Karate Choppers [1.14b]
[edit][The episode begins with SpongeBob lurking around, heading home, looking for Sandy because they are playing karate. He suspects the pineapple of being Sandy.] SpongeBob: Hi-yah! Oh, sorry, pineapple house. I thought you were someone else. [walks inside] Ah, what a great day at work. [hears something] Huh? Yeah! [tip toes over to the couch, but makes duck sounds as he tip toes. He realizes he is been stepping on three squeaky toy ducks, and in frustration, he kicks them away. Then he runs in front of his couch] I know you're back there, Sandy. And I also know that nobody can hide from Sponge... [jumps behind the couch and no one is there] ...Bob. [has his back to the couch while he squeezes his eyes through the couch looking for Sandy. When he thinks he has spotted her, he runs out from behind the couch and in front of the TV] I got you now! Hi-yah! [no one is there, so he sits on the couch and watches TV] Well, I guess the coast is clear. TV: [shows a royal gramma fish] Yeah, shopping's weird. Did you ever go into the seafood aisle and say "Who eats this stuff"? [TV audience laughs] SpongeBob: [laughs too] I love this show! [Sandy is sitting next to SpongeBob, due to the camera zooming out to show her] Sandy: Me, too. [SpongeBob screams and begins to fight] SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [Sandy puts on her green karate gear] Sandy: Hi-yah! [SpongeBob high-kicks in slow-motion] SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [Sandy runs off then drives forward, but SpongeBob jumps his upper half of his body to avoid Sandy] Uhh, just a second. [runs off, but returns with his red karate gear on] Safety first. [winks] And now, spin technique. [spins around and lunges towards Sandy] Sandy: Hi-yah! Yah. [SpongeBob grabs her hand and spins her around] SpongeBob: Double overhand squirrel knot. [turns her into a round knot and throws her through the door like a bowling ball] Sandy: I'm gonna get you tomorrow, SpongeBob. SpongeBob: That'll be the day. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. [spins his arms and legs around. The scene fades over to nighttime at Sandy's treedome. Sandy hums while reading a book when the phone rings] Sandy: Hello. [SpongeBob's arm tries karate to chop Sandy, but Sandy takes SpongeBob's hand and puts it through the phone to karate himself] Nice try, SpongeBrain. [hangs up phone. Bubble transition to the Barg'N-Mart grocery store, where Sandy is shopping when a box of Kelpo falls. She thinks it's SpongeBob, so she gets in her karate stance] Hah! [notices the box of Kelpo] Heh, silly me. [But when she walks a few more steps, SpongeBob is there in his karate gear] SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, have you ever heard the one about the squirrel and the tin cans? Sandy: I don't think so. SpongeBob: Well, it goes like this. [stretches his arm to ricochet off a shelf and the ceiling to come at Sandy] Oh, wait, I forgot the punch line. [his arm stops right before hitting Sandy] Oh, yeah. [hits the loose board on the floor, sending Sandy into a pile of tin cans. He laughs] That's a good one, isn't it? [bubble transition to SpongeBob walking down the road] What a beautiful day. Beautiful sky, beautiful plants. Hi, plants. Beautiful... [see a pile of tin cans on the ground] ...pile of cans. Mmm-mmm. Sandy, that is your worst disguise yet. [puts on karate gear] Sandy: No it's not, SpongeBob. [shows him a squirrel mask] This is. [jumps in front of SpongeBob] Now, prepare for a long, merciless whooping. [grabs SpongeBob's tongue, stretches it out, and takes out a bottle of Volcano Sauce] Mmm, mmm. My favorite. [SpongeBob whimpers in fear as a drop of hot sauce hangs over the edge of the bottle and Tom Kenny's face appears on the drop, laughing evilly. Cut to SpongeBob's confused face, then back to the drop.] Volcano Sauce Drop: By the powers of naughtiness, I command this particular drop of hot sauce to be really, really hot! [SpongeBob gasps.] SpongeBob: Sandy, wait! [Sandy does] Victory is yours. Sandy: [smirks] I knew you'd come to your senses, SpongeBob. [Sandy drinks the bottle of hot sauce. While she is doing this, SpongeBob takes out his tongue revealing a label that says "Novelty Toy" and he wraps the fake tongue she was holding around her, strangles her body, and spins her into a tornado.] SpongeBob: Yah. [Sandy karate chops SpongeBob far away.] Sandy: Hi-yah! SpongeBob: Curses! [bubble transition. Now at the Krusty Krab, the line is very long] Exasperated Customer: Oh, what is going on? Fred: With extra cheese, to go. Squidward: Three patties, four large oyster skins, on the double, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob is still wearing his karate gear] SpongeBob: Oh yeah. Gotcha. [opens a door] Squidward: SpongeBob! SpongeBob: What? [karate chops Squidward's face] Squidward: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. [throws two pieces of paper at SpongeBob] Now fill these orders or leave, SpongeBob. We're very busy today. [SpongeBob runs out of the kitchen with a tray of patties in his hands] SpongeBob: Order up. [stops as he sees a customer karate chopping a fly. The customer turns into Sandy who is in her gear and winks at SpongeBob] Squidward: SpongeBob, now are you gonna... [SpongeBob throws the tray backwards at him, causing the Krabby Patties to land on his head] Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward, I was going through some records back in me office and... Huh? So, you got the hairpiece after all. SpongeBob: Hi-yah! Fred: [under the floor] My leg! SpongeBob: Thought you could sneak up on me at work, did you? Well, you can't, ‘cause I'm fast, I'm mean, and I can do this. [does something with his hands] Ssss! [points at Fred, then walks backwards] Took care of her, yes I did. [bumps into a not happy Mr. Krabs and Squidward] Oh, ahoy, sir. Mr. Krabs: What was that? SpongeBob: But, sir, she snuck up on me. In my own dojo. Mr. Krabs: Are you on some new allergy medication, boy? SpongeBob: No, sir, just practicing my karate, sir, or kara-tay, as some call it. Mr. Krabs: "Kara-tay"? You should be making me money-ay with your spatu-lay. Now get back to work. SpongeBob: Ay-ay, capi-tay. Nice hairpiece, Squidward. [walks off. Later, the bubble transitions at closing time, and Squidward is mopping the floor] Squidward: SpongeBob, did you get those bathrooms mopped yet? [SpongeBob is staring at his hands] SpongeBob: Yes, ma'am, I mean, sir. I mean, boss. I mean, poobah. Squidward: [frustrated] Go! [SpongeBob walks into the bathroom with a mop and a bucket in his hands. He hears a sneeze, so he opens a door, but nobody is there.] SpongeBob: Hah! [opens the next stall door and jumps in it] Sandy! [Mr. Krabs walks out of the stall with SpongeBob in his hand] Mr. Krabs: No more. SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs... [Mr. Krabs grabs a hold of SpongeBob's mouth] Mr. Krabs: Shh! No more of this karate stuff, lad, or you're fired. [lets go of his mouth and walks away] SpongeBob: [in high-pitched voice] Fired? [walks out] No more karate? How am I gonna tell Sandy? Sandy: Hi-yah! [jumps at SpongeBob and starts karate chopping him] SpongeBob: Sandy, wait, I can't! Mr. Krabs said I have to give up karate! Sandy: [stops; doesn't believe him] Uh-huh, sure, SpongeBob. [karate chops him again] SpongeBob: No, no, really, Sandy! Stop! Sandy: [stops; still not believing him] I'm not falling for it, SpongeBob. [karate chops him even more] SpongeBob: No, really! Please stop! [cut to inside and Mr. Krabs looks out the window] Mr. Krabs: What the...? [walks outside] SpongeBob! [Sandy freezes in shock] SpongeBob: [screams] Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: What did I just get through telling you, lad? SpongeBob: [stammers] But I, uhh, she... Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're fired! Sandy: Huh? SpongeBob: [shudders, in high-pitched voice] Fired? [his face swirls and gets smaller until it is not there anymore, sinking into his face and shuddering] Mr. Krabs: Eh? Sandy: SpongeBob? [SpongeBob shudders and whimpers for about four seconds before his face reappears and he then bursts out crying and runs everywhere.] Sandy: W-w-wait! Mr. Krabs, it's not his fault. It-it's mine. He tried to tell me, but... I-I wouldn't listen. [SpongeBob is crying into a cup and drinking his tears. Now he is flipping over and over around Sandy and Mr. Krabs] Give him another chance, please?! Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. [grabs SpongeBob as he runs] All right, me boy, I'll give you a second chance. But no more karate! It's poisoning your mind. [sniffs Sandy] Mmm, mammals. [walks off] Sandy: Aww, shoot, SpongeBob. I guess you ain't fibbing. [she and SpongeBob sigh] Aww, that game was getting old, anyway. It's not fun anymore. I mean, what's so fun about... [karate chops SpongeBob] ...this? SpongeBob: [laughs, then suddenly stops] Nothing! Nothing is fun about that at all. Sandy: We can find something to do that's at least nine times as fun. SpongeBob: We can? I mean, sure we can. Yeah! Like we can, uh... [picks up a rock] We can squeeze things. [squeezes the rock and drops it] Whoo-hoo! How much fun was that? Sandy: Almost some. SpongeBob: I know. We can act like plants. [lies on the ground and opens and closes his legs and arms] Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis. Sandy: Want to go to the park? [bubble transition to SpongeBob and Sandy in the park. SpongeBob is holding a basket in one hand] SpongeBob: Karate sure is dumb. Sandy: Yeah, you can say that again. SpongeBob: I feel dumb just thinking about it. [puts the basket down and pretends to be Patrick] Duh! I'm stupid. I like karate. Doyeee... Sandy: You like what? SpongeBob: Not karate. Sandy: Ha! I don't even know what that is. SpongeBob: Me, too. I don't know what anything is. In fact... Fisherman: [casting off his fishing rod] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! SpongeBob: [giggles] For a second, that sounded like... Sandy: Karate? SpongeBob: Right now? I mean... No., what is this karate? [opens up the basket] Uhh, what do you want on your sandwich? Sandy: Karate. SpongeBob: What did you say? Sandy: Uhh, mustard. Mustard. I want mustard on my sandwich. [takes out some bottle of mustard, barnacle loaves and pack of Krabby Patty buns in a picnic basket] There we go. [SpongeBob pulls out some barnacle loaf] SpongeBob: How many slices of barnacle loaf do you want? Sandy: One. Just one. SpongeBob: One for you... [karate chops a slice off] Sandy: Hmmm? SpongeBob: And one for me! [chops off another slice in slow-motion] Sandy: Ohh, uhh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Hmm? Sandy: Maybe just one more. Uhh, I'm kind of hungry. [SpongeBob brings out the barnacle loaf again.] SpongeBob: Sure thing, Sandy. [lifts up his hand] Sandy: SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Yeah? Sandy: Do you think, umm... Do you think I could cut this one? SpongeBob: Uhh, sure. Sandy: Thanks. Hi-yah! [chops one slice] Is that enough? SpongeBob: Maybe just one more. Or two. Sandy: Or three. SpongeBob: Or ten. Sandy: Ten, yes, ten! Because we're really hungry! SpongeBob: Right! Sandy: Right! SpongeBob: Right! Sandy: Right! [chops off more slices and they fly everywhere] SpongeBob: Time for buns! [throws a bunch of buns in the air and chops them in half] Sandy: How about some tomatoes? SpongeBob: And I'll cut the cheese. [both throw the cheese and tomatoes in the air while chopping them into a bunch of slices that land on the patties] Sandy: And, what else should we slice? [SpongeBob grabs more buns] SpongeBob: More buns! Sandy: [grabs two heads of lettuce] And lettuce! SpongeBob and Sandy: Yeah! [both slice up more food to complete their Krabby Patties and one of the buns lands on an earthworm] SpongeBob: Phew. Making sandwiches sure is fun. Right, Sandy? [Sandy has a dazed look on her face] Right? I guess I'll eat one now. [reaches for a patty, but Sandy karate chops his arm with her green foam hand] Sandy: You're mincemeat. SpongeBob: [suddenly in his red karate gear] In your dreams! Hi-yah! [both start to karate and chop each other. The screen fades out then comes back in. The park is now a mess as buns are everywhere and trees, plants and rocks are split into two. Mr. Krabs is walking through the park, carrying an umbrella] Mr. Krabs: Huh? What the barnacle...? [everything in the park is chopped in half. Sandy is chopping wood while SpongeBob rests on a rock] SpongeBob: Do you think Mr. Krabs ever does karate? Mr. Krabs: [clearing his throat to get SpongeBob's attention] Bleuhahugh! SpongeBob: [screams] Mr. Krabs! [tries to hold a tree back in one piece] Uhh, hey, Mr. Krabs, how's it going? [holds the rock in one piece] Nice day, huh? [half of the tree falls on SpongeBob's head] Oh, all right, Mr. Krabs, you caught me. But you know what? I just can't help myself. You're just gonna have to fire me. Mr. Krabs: Fire you? [grabs a couple Krabby Patties] I got something else in mind. [Bubble transition back to the Krusty Krab, and SpongeBob and Sandy are karate chopping up Krabby Patties for the customers. Sandy is chopping up the meat and SpongeBob is chopping up the mustard squeezed in a bottle] Sandy: I love karate! SpongeBob: I love kara-tay! Mr. Krabs: I love money-ay! [looks at the screen and holds some money] Squidward: I hate all of you. [the episode ends]
Episode 15
[edit]Sleepy Time [1.15a]
[edit]- SpongeBob: [walks up to Gary's dream cloud] This must be Gary's dream. I'm gonna get a closer look. [jumps into the dream cloud. He falls down into a library] Whoa! Wow. Look at all these books. I wonder where Gary is. [walks past a pile of books] Gary! Huh? [sees Gary, who is now taller and wearing a cape, reading a book. He walks up to him] Excuse me, sir. Have you seen...?
- Gary: [turns around and gasps] SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Gary?
- Gary: How dare you invade the sanctity of my dreams!
- SpongeBob: Gary! You can talk!
- Gary: [sighs] In dreams, one is not tethered by earthly limitations.
- SpongeBob: What does that mean?
- Gary: Come. [they walk down an aisle of books] For ages, dreams have been thought of as windows to another realm. [picks up a book and reads from it] "Let me not mar that perfect dream by an auroral stain, but so adjust my daily night that it may come again." Emily Dickinson wrote that.
- SpongeBob: Who?
- Gary: [flips a few pages] Here's one you might know. [clears throat] There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright in the middle of the night to find that his dream had come true.
- SpongeBob: [laughs] Gee, Gary, you sure are smart.
- Gary: Did you think my shell was full of hot air?
- SpongeBob: Well, thanks for the info, Gary. I'm going back to my own dream now. [starts walking away]
- Gary: Beware of your wandering eye, you little poriferan!
- SpongeBob: [jumps out of Gary's dream cloud and hops up onto his alarm clock to get into his own; sees Patrick's dream cloud outside the window] I wonder what Patrick's dreaming. [Patrick is stuck to the bottom of his rock, sucking his thumb and snoring. SpongeBob runs over] I can't resist! [laughs and jumps into the dream cloud. Inside, he opens a door to see Patrick rocking back and forth on a 25¢ kiddie ride amidst the blank, white scenery] Hey, Patrick!
- Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: [walks over] You know, Patrick, this is a dream. You can do anything you want.
- Patrick: Yup.
- SpongeBob: I mean anything! Watch. I can turn into a skyscraper. [transforms into the shape of a skyscraper] Going up! Eh? [sees that Patrick is unresponsive and frowns, then perks up again] I can make... [changes back to his normal shape and size, this time with a million copies of himself] A million of me! Eh? Eh?
- Patrick: Yup. [the SpongeBob clones disappear]
- SpongeBob: Ah, tartar sauce. I'm going to a different dream. [leaves]
- Patrick: Okay. Bye, SpongeBob. [kiddie ride comes to a halt; Patrick reaches into his pocket and pulls out another quarter and goes to put it in the slot, but accidentally drops it and it rolls away] Oh! [the quarter falls into a sewer grate] Shoot, that was my last quarter. [sits on the ride with a dull gaze]
- SpongeBob: [screams as he gets shot out of Mr. Krabs' dream cloud and into Plankton's dream on a building. The plunger is stuck onto a building] Hey, Plankton's dreaming about Bikini Bottom.
- Plankton: Zap! [zaps a building near SpongeBob and fish: Incidental 93, Incidental 40, Incidental 86 come running out] I see you. [stomps up to another building, twenty times the size of his normal self] Zap! [shoots a green laser out of his eye]
- Fred: My leg!
- Plankton: I see you. Zap!
- SpongeBob: Plankton! [tries to get himself untied from the rope around his ankle]
- Plankton: I see you... [SpongeBob gets untied and drops to the ground] Zap! [zaps and disintegrates the building that SpongeBob was on, then walks to the Krusty Krab. People continue to: Fred, and Incidental 73 scream in panic] Oh look, it's the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. [stomps on it] Crush! [picks up the Krusty Krab sign and starts to lick it as if it was a lollipop and walks off] Lick, lick!
- SpongeBob: [as he runs around] This isn't a dream! This is a nightmare!
- Gary: Meow! Meow!
- SpongeBob: [stops and looks. Appears more and more worried.] Gary! Gary! No!
- Gary: Meow! [Plankton still coming towards Gary making giant step sounds]
- Plankton: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- SpongeBob: Gary! [jumps over to Gary and hugs him] I've got you, Gary!
- Plankton: Peek-a-boo! Here comes my foot! [stomps his foot on SpongeBob & Gary] YEAH! Huh? [lifts up his foot] YOW!
- SpongeBob: [suddenly turns into a pin] I think he’s got the point. [laughs]
- Plankton: [deflates and shrinks] WHOA!
- [SpongeBob walks home into his own dream cloud where his real self is still sleeping]
- SpongeBob: Ah, that was fun and all, but it's good to be back in my own dream cloud. [goes to sleep] Ah... [wakes up after hearing his friends voices and faces hovering around his head]
- Squidward: [his head starts circling SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [the heads of Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, Pearl and Patrick start surrounding SpongeBob]
- Heads of SpongeBob's friends: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: [tossing and turning in his sleep] What do you want from me? Leave me alone! No, no... No, no, no, no, no, no! [Squidward nudged and tapped SpongeBob and he wakes up]
- Squidward: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: [screams, then sees his friends stand around his bed, except Patrick] Hey, what are you all doing in your pajamas? Are we having a slumber party?
- [Scene now shows Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, and Pearl, who all look angry at SpongeBob.]
- Squidward: No. We are not having a slumber party!
- Sandy: Do us all a favor, SpongeBob, and stay out of our dreams!
- All except Patrick: [grumble in agreement]
- Plankton: Take a hike!
- Squidward: Don't we get enough of you during the day?
- Gary: [in anger] Meow!
- Patrick: [walks in] Does anyone have a quarter? [all stare at Patrick]
Suds [1.15b]
[edit]- SpongeBob: [thunder rumbles, Krabby Patties came falling down] It's raining Krabby Patties! [dream ends and reveals to be chewing on a pillow]
- SpongeBob: I better take care of this before it gets out of hand. [calls Sandy]
- Sandy: [answers phone] Hello?
- SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm sick. Can you escort me to the doctor's?
- Sandy: Sure, SpongeBob. I'll be there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August-
- SpongeBob: [on the phone] Okay Sandy, thanks! [sneezes through the phone] Achoo!
- SpongeBob: Dr. Patrick, could you call Sandy for me? [gives Patrick the phone]
- Patrick: Sure, patient SpongeBob! [Patrick calls Sandy, who is about to head out for SpongeBob's place] Hello, Sandy?
- Sandy: Hiya, Patrick!
- Patrick: I'm calling on behalf of my patient, SpongeBob.
- Sandy: I'm on my way over to take him to the hospital.
- Patrick: Uhh, uhh, that will no longer be required! He is in my care as of today.
- Sandy: Well, I'm coming over to take a look. I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot-
- Patrick: Oh, yeah, yeah, the rabbit. Don't bother, Sandy! [hangs up] SpongeBob, quick, Sandy's coming! We gotta make sure you're well, or she'll take ya to the doctor! [runs to the kitchen with rubber gloves on and dips them into the sink of water] Don't touch me, I'm sterile!
- Sandy: Patrick, you open this door. [Patrick is rolling SpongeBob away] Patrick, sometimes I just don't understand you. [SpongeBob sneezes] Hey! [walks over to Patrick's house] Okay, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
- Patrick: Uhh, uhh, he's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
- Sandy: Okay, now tell me, [shows two rocks] since when do you have two houses?
- Patrick: Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.
- Sandy: Uh-huh, yeah. Since when does your house have feet? [SpongeBob's feet are sticking out of the other rock]
- Patrick: This is my mobile home. [SpongeBob sneezes the rock off]
- SpongeBob: Hiya, Sandy.
- Patrick: [holding SpongeBob's hand] Hmmm, the dirt therapy seems to be working just fine.
- Sandy: Patrick, SpongeBob has to see a real doctor.
- Patrick: No, he doesn't! I'm taking good care of him! Show her, SpongeBob! Say 'ahh'.
- SpongeBob: Ahh... [exhales a green gas that kills all the plants, clams, and everything else in its path]
- Sandy: See? He's even worse than I thought.
- Patrick: [wearing a clothespin on his non-existing nose] What do you mean? He's fine. [Sandy snatches the clothespin off of his nose]
- SpongeBob: I'm okay, Sandy, really. [sneezes again, enlarging himself more]
- Sandy: I'm taking you to the doctor right now! [rolls SpongeBob away]
- Patrick: Hey, that's my patient! [runs over and pushes SpongeBob the opposite way] You can't take him to the doctor's!
- Sandy: [rolling SpongeBob the other way again] Don't be silly, Patrick!
- Patrick: [carrying SpongeBob the other way] He's mine! [Sandy is log rolling SpongeBob the opposite way]
- Sandy: SpongeBob, you'll be better soon. [Patrick is using a wheelbarrow for SpongeBob]
- Patrick: I'll save you! [Sandy is using SpongeBob as a basketball]
- SpongeBob: I'm better, guys! Really! [Sandy and Patrick both push him into each other, squeezing him until he launches into the air]
- Sandy: Now look what you've done, Patrick!
- Patrick: What I've done? Everything was fine until you showed up!
- Sandy: You should be arrested for impersonating a doctor!
- Patrick: Hey! I'm a good doctor! Right, SpongeBob? [SpongeBob comes down and rolls away]
- SpongeBob: Guys!
- Sandy: Huh?
- Patrick: SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: I can't stop! [screams while he rolls down a hill] Help me! [Mr. Krabs is cleaning some dimes]
- Mr. Krabs: Shiny dimes.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? [runs out the front doors] Stop, SpongeBob! Stop...!
- [SpongeBob stops just in time. Mr. Krabs sighs in relief until SpongeBob sneezes so hard that he releases a cloud of pink bubbles that fill the screen and destroy the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs glares at SpongeBob, who returns to his normal size.]
Episode 16
[edit]Valentine's Day [1.16a]
[edit]- Patrick: Heart on stick, must die! [goes to the pole and tries to pick it up but can't; Patrick sees a little girl eating a heart-shaped lollipop] Heart on stick, must die. [grabs it, breaks it, and stuffs it in his mouth]
- Sandy: Howdy, Patrick!
- Patrick: [finally turns around] Hi, Sandy! [notices the giant chocolate balloon, then is confused and speaks gibberish]
- SpongeBob: Happy Valentine's Day, Patrick! [Patrick jumps for joy and jumps on the balloon]
- Patrick: Yay! My valentine! Hey, is this solid chocolate?
- SpongeBob: Patrick, no! [Patrick bites the balloon and chocolate explodes everywhere. SpongeBob and Patrick are in the mess and Patrick forgets his anger]
- Patrick: Aw, SpongeBob... you didn't have to get me anything.
The Paper [1.16b]
[edit]- Squidward: Take it, SpongeBob! Take it, please! And promise me no matter how much I may beg, and plead, and cry... don't give that paper back to me, EVER!
- Squidward: Well, you can't play music with a piece of paper. [plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' off-key. Little black musical note symbols fall out of the clarinet]
- SpongeBob: [applauding] Hooray! Hooray! That was great, Squidward. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
- Squidward: What? I didn't play any wrong notes. [plays the song off-key again]
- SpongeBob: Yeah, see, you're playing it like this... [plays his piece of paper as the clarinet with the note symbols coming out] ...When ordinarily it goes like this. [plays the song on-key] I'm partial to doing it in the key of A-minor myself. [plays the song in high notes. A music sheet appears] Ah, nothing like a duet between buddies, eh, Squidward?
- Squidward: Wait, more impressions! A guy [angrily] throwing a piece of paper on the ground! [throws it on the ground] A guy stomping on the piece of paper [stomps on the paper, then picks it up and is upset] I'm a guy who traded everything he owns for a...
- Patrick: [walks up to Squidward chewing gum] A worthless piece of paper. [grabs the paper] Hey, thanks, it's just what I needed, Squidward. [blows a gum bubble then puts the gum on the piece of paper and throws it behind him in the garbage can. Then he walks away, towards SpongeBob's house] Nice shirt, SpongeBob. [laughs]
- [The wind whistles.]
- Squidward: Anybody have any sunscreen? [The episode ends with a fade out to black.]
Episode 17
[edit]Arrgh! [1.17a]
[edit]- Mr. Krabs: Where could they be? They shoulda been here hours ago! Aargh, not a customer in sight. If I don't make any money today, I'll surely break out in a rash!
- SpongeBob: [offscreen] Yipee! I'm rich! Look, Patrick! Eight gold doubloons!
- Mr. Krabs: Wait! I saw it first! [leaps through the air and lands on the table where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing a game] Mine! Mine! [realizing] Huh?
- SpongeBob: Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty.
- Mr. Krabs: I'll roll for you, boy.
- SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs...
- Mr. Krabs: [rolls the dice] 8 paces, north, that's a good start, lad.
- SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs...
- Mr. Krabs: One, two, three...
- SpongeBob: [yelling in frustration] MR. KRABS! I WANNA GO TO BED!!! [pauses] Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry, but it's just a game, ya know?
- Mr. Krabs: A game. That's right. Of course it is, my mistake. [picks up the game board and folds it in half] I guess I got a little carried away, eh? Though it is treasure we're dealing with here. Sorry, for disturbing ya, lad. [walks away while SpongeBob shuts the door; Morning arrives, and then the clam "rooster" crows everyone up] Avast! Pineapple, ho. Heave two, and prepare to be boarded.
- SpongeBob: Aw, go home already. [gets out of bed and looks out the window] I'm done playing that game, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: That's Captain Krabs to you, and this is no game. We're gonna be pirates.
- SpongeBob: [excited] Pirates?
- Mr. Krabs: Aye! How'd you like to go on a real treasure hunt, with a real treasure map?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [Patrick appears from the side of SpongeBob's house] Treasure? [dancing around] We're gonna be pirates, we're gonna be pirates!
- Mr. Krabs: Ay, ay, ay. Belay that skipping. Pirates don't skip. [throws them a bag of pirate stuff] Put on this pirate garb, so I won't be embarrassed to be seen with ya. Arrgh.
- SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick. Look! Peg legs and eye patches.
- Mr. Krabs: Now, don't you feel more like pirates?
- SpongeBob: [walks towards the plank using two peg legs] Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate! [falls on the plank]
- Patrick: [walks towards the plank with two separate eye patches covering his eyes] I'm Blindbeard the Pirate! [falls on SpongeBob] Ow.
- Mr. Krabs: [fade to ship sailing across in midair] Keep a sharp lookout, SpongeBob. According to the map, we're close to the first landmark.
- SpongeBob: Really? Can we see the map?
- Mr. Krabs: Uh... no! Only the captain can lay eyes on the map.
- SpongeBob: Okie dokie, then. [salutes]
- Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, a pirate doesn't say, "okie dokie, then." A pirate says, "arrgh!"
- SpongeBob: Oh. Okie... oops. [laughs while a jellyfish flies by him] I mean... [standing up] arrgh! Captain Krabs. [as he looks backwards, his eyes widen as a giant rock is nearby] Captain, we're about to hit... uhh... I mean... arrgh, Capt., arrgh, we're, arrgh, about, arrgh, to hit, arrgh...
- Mr. Krabs: Out with it man, arrgh!
- Patrick: I, arrgh, think, arrgh, he's trying, arrgh, to say...! [crashes into the rock] land...
- Mr. Krabs: Arrgh! From now on, only the captain says, arrgh! Status report, Mr. SquarePants?
- SpongeBob: The whole ship is underwater, captain.
- Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, we're marooned then. Our treasure hunt will have to continue on foot.
- [Bubble transition to the crew approaching a seaweed plant]
- Mr. Krabs: This is it, boys, from the seaweed with two leaves on it. [the seaweed actually has three leaves] 10,000 paces east.
- SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, that seaweed has... [Mr. Krabs pulls a leaf off, leaving with two as he mentioned earlier] Which way, cap'n?
- Mr. Krabs: Ensign Patrick, which way is east?
- Patrick: Uhh... let's see, uhh... [examines the compass needle, which shakily points north. He points what is presumably the wrong direction] That way, captain!
- [Bubble transition to the crew walking the final few steps.]
- Mr. Krabs: 9,997... 9,998... 9,999... 10,000! [no "X" is present] Where's the "X"? Supposed to be right here! 10,000 paces east.
- Patrick: Ooh! East? I thought you said "weast"!
- Mr. Krabs: Weast? What kind of compass you readin', lad?
- Patrick: This one, sir.
- Mr. Krabs: [examines the compass] That's west, Patrick. You're fired again.
- [The scene fades to the crew walking again in the opposite direction, which they should've done in the first place thanks to Patrick's misreading]
- Mr. Krabs: 9,551... 9,552...
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, we're tired.
- Patrick: And hungry.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, so this is my crew. You get a little tired, and a wee bit hungry, and you wanna shove off for home. Arrgh! That sickens me. [holds a wooden cutlass] A pirate is not judged by the notches in his cutlass, or the size of his booty. A pirate is judged by the loyalty [his eyes fill up with tears] of his crew. And without a loyal crew... [one of SpongeBob's eyes fill up with tears also] what am I captain of? Just a bunch of sand! [cries]
- Patrick: Don't cry, Captain Krabs.
- SpongeBob: [sniffles and crying] Yeah, we'll be your loyal crew. [both cry too]
- Mr. Krabs: You'll stay with me then?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: We'll be the most loyal pirate crew ever!
- Mr. Krabs: I knew I could count on you boys. [shows his claw] One for all!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [place their hands on top of Mr. Krabs's claw] And all for one!
- [Bubble transition to nighttime as SpongeBob and Patrick sleep outside the tent, shivering]
- SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't even mind sleeping on the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent.
- Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks.
- SpongeBob: But we've only been out for a few hours.
- Patrick: I know. [chuckles]
- SpongeBob: [moves away] I'm so loyal, I don't wanna sleep till we find the treasure. Let's go see if the captain will go now!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [entering the tent] Captain Krabs?
- SpongeBob: He's not here.
- Patrick: Look! The treasure map.
- SpongeBob: Only the captain can look at the map, Patrick.
- Patrick: [walks toward the map] Yeah...
- SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?
- Patrick: Nothing.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, you're not supposed to look at the map. [Patrick pokes at the map]
- Patrick: I'm not looking, I'm touching. There's no rule against that, is there?
- SpongeBob: No, guess there isn't. [both poking the map, until it opens] Oops! Patrick, it opened by itself. [both giggle. Their eyes enlarge and search the map]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: The map, the map, the map, I gotta see it, I gotta look at it. [their eyes freeze for a second and then pop back in their heads; their eyes become black]
- Patrick: SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Yeah?
- Patrick: Did you notice something familiar about this map?
- SpongeBob: You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper?
- Mr. Krabs: [appearing right behind them and angry] Do ya think this is a problem?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [screaming] Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: So, sneaking peeks at me treasure map?
- Patrick: We're sorry.
- Mr. Krabs: That's mutiny on my ship. So you think old Captain Krabs has gone crazy, do ye?
- SpongeBob: Not at all, Captain Krabs. We don't think that at all!
- Patrick: I think that.
- Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna throw ya overboard for saying that!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick both kneel and beg for mercy, before realizing that the "X" symbol is underneath them]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Look! It's the "X."
- Mr. Krabs: [eyes turn into "X" like symbol] "X" marks the spot!
- SpongeBob: Wow! That game really is based on a real treasure map.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, what are you waiting for, lads? [SpongeBob and Patrick both start digging] Dig! Dig! [the scene fades to minutes later] Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
- SpongeBob: We got it, Captain Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: Ha, ha. Hand it up to me, lads. Heave! [brings the treasure up] We finally found it. [opens up the treasure chest]
- Female Chorus: The Flying Dutchman's Treasure!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow!
- SpongeBob: What are you gonna do with your share, Patrick?
- Patrick: I don't know. How are you gonna spend your share, SpongeBob?
- Mr. Krabs: What shares? You're not gettin' any of my treasure!
- SpongeBob: We found it together. So we deserve a share!
- Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm the captain. And I say it's mine!
- SpongeBob: What about loyalty?
- [All three are now fighting over the treasure chest]
- Mr. Krabs: All for one.
- SpongeBob: And one for all.
- Mr. Krabs: All for one.
- SpongeBob: And one for all.
- Mr. Krabs: All for one.
- SpongeBob: And one for all.
- Mr. Krabs: All for one.
- SpongeBob: And one for all.
- Flying Dutchman: [sleeping] I'm the Flying Dutchman. I'm the Flying Dutchman. [wakes up] Who dares wake up the Flying Dutchman? Keep it down will ya? I'm tryna get some sleep. [noticing them fighting over the treasure chest] Huh?
- Mr. Krabs: All for one.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: One for all.
- [Lightning strikes]
- Flying Dutchman: Who dug up the Flying Dutchman's treasure?
- Mr. Krabs: They did! [shoves the chest toward SpongeBob and Patrick]
- Flying Dutchman: [picks up the treasure chest] Arrgh! So you two scallywags dug up me treasure?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [hugging each other in fear] Uh-huh!
- Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of digging ya did. So here's a reward for the two of ya's. [gives SpongeBob and Patrick two gold doubloons]
- SpongeBob: Wow!
- Female Chorus: Two gold doubloons!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick take the doubloons and the Flying Dutchman puts away his treasure chest in his pocket]
- Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm captain of this crew! Where's my reward?
- Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you're right. A little somethin' for your trouble. [flicks something to Mr. Krabs]
- Mr. Krabs: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! [a tiny plastic treasure chest] Huh? Why, it's just a little plastic treasure chest!
- Female Chorus: Plastic!
- Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure chest. [laughs evilly; turns into green smoke and vanishes]
- Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs, you're looking all sweaty again.
- '[The episode ends]
Rock Bottom [1.17b]
[edit]- [SpongeBob and Patrick are stranded in Rock Bottom]
- SpongeBob: It sure is weird around here. Kind of different. Even the soil looks different. [scoops up a handful of soil]
- Soil: Would you [blows raspberry] mind [blows raspberry] putting me down? [SpongeBob shakes it off as he gasps]
- Patrick: SpongeBob, I don't like it here. It's dark and scary. I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. Look, I can't even tell the bathrooms apart! [bathroom doors have the "?" on one door and the "¿" on the other]
- SpongeBob: Uhh, that's an easy one, Patrick. We just wait for somebody to come out and then you'll know. [Incidental 200 comes out the "¿" door. Patrick gasps] Maybe we should wait for one more. [Incidental 214 comes out of the "?" door. Incidentals 222, 204, and 201 come out the "¿" door]
- Patrick: I still can't read the sign! I wanna go home!
- SpongeBob: I guess Grandpa SquarePants was right. Never run for a bus [imitates Grandpa SquarePants] especially one that's going up at a 90-degree angle.
- SpongeBob: I'm gettin' hungry. Glove candy dispenser. Good thing I went to Glove World. [squeezes out tiny glove candies onto his tongue, then spits them out] Ew, glove flavored. Hey, what's that? [a Kandy vending machine is shown across the road] A candy machine. [rubs his tummy] Mmm, kelp nougat crunch. Mmm... [checks each side of the road to see if a bus is coming] I'm not leaving this spot no matter what! [his stomach growls again] I'll only be gone a second. [runs over to the machine. While getting out a quarter, a bus drives up. Runs back across to bus] Hey! [the bus drives off] Ooh! [His stomach growls a third time. SpongeBob takes a few steps across the road and turns around to check for the bus. Takes a few more steps and checks again. Gets to the candy machine and takes out the quarter. Before inserting it, he checks for a bus. There's no bus so he puts in the quarter but a bus DOES come and drives off.] Wait! [Now he checks to his left down the road and decides to sprint across and get some candy. Pushes some buttons and checks for the bus. The candy is slowly coming down] Come on, come on! [candy drops to the bottom. SpongeBob grabs for it, but a bus drives up and then drives off. SpongeBob gets angry. He reaches for the candy but a bus comes up. Every time he reaches for the candy, the bus drives forward but when he pulls his arm away, the bus drives backwards. So he decides to leave the candy and run after the bus, but the bus drives off before he can get there. Incidental 222 comes up and takes the candy] Hey! That was mine! [walks over to the candy machine. Three more buses drive up and drive off while he's over there so he decides to run back. No more buses come, so he shakes the bus sign angrily] Barnacles! Alright, that's it! No more mister nice guy!
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob at the Kandy machine staring at it and a bus drives up. Another SpongeBob tip-toes up, but the SpongeBob at the candy machine falls over revealing it to be made of cardboard. The bus drives off.]
- SpongeBob: Tartar sauce!
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob as a bus stop bench. A bus drives up but drives off after it notices the SpongeBob bench]
- SpongeBob: [morphs back to his original shape] Fish paste!
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking into the bus station.]
- SpongeBob: I'm getting to the bottom of this, right now! I want a bus to Bikini Bottom! I am first in line, and no one is gonna tell me otherwise! [sees Incidental 220 standing behind him already in line] Okay, second! I am second in line! [sees Incidental 206 already in line] Okay, third is good! [Incidental 205 is already in line] Fourth, not bad.
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob at the end of the line behind Incidental 221.]
- SpongeBob: Okay, 329. I am 329th in line and nobody forget it! [Incidental 221 inflates herself like a balloon and spits out a giant egg on SpongeBob's head with the number 329 on it and blows a raspberry.]
- Window Attendant: Next. [raspberry]
- SpongeBob: Well, at least the line is moving. [everyone steps forward. The 329 egg hatches three baby fish that jump in front of SpongeBob, thus making him remain 329th in line. SpongeBob gets extremely furious. He lets out an angry growl.] Tartar sauce! (repeatedly) [SpongeBob hides inside his clothes and goes ballistic. Then comes out and everyone staring at him turns around]
- Window Attendant: [time is going fast. raspberry] Next. [raspberry] Next. [raspberry. SpongeBob is sleeping] Next. [raspberry] Next!
- SpongeBob: [wakes up] Huh?
- Window Attendant: Next... [raspberry]
- SpongeBob: Finally! Yes, I'm next! [runs up to the window] When is the next bus to Bikini Bottom?
- Window Attendant: What? [raspberry]
- SpongeBob: The bus schedule. The next bus.
- Window Attendant: [reveals himself as Incidental 222] I can't... [raspberry] understand... [raspberry] your accent. [raspberry]
- SpongeBob: The next bus... [raspberry] to Bikini... [raspberry] Bottom. [long raspberry]
- Incidental 222: Ohh. [raspberry] Why didn't you say so? [raspberry] Next bus leaves in... [raspberry] five seconds. [the bus leaves] Ohh, tough luck, kid. [raspberry] That's the last one 'til morning. [raspberry]
- SpongeBob: Oh, [raspberry] no... [raspberry] you don't! [raspberry]
- Incidental 222: Goodnight! [puts a closed sign up]
- SpongeBob: Hold it, I'm not through here! [raspberry] Do you hear me? [raspberry] I demand you come back and give me a bus to Bikini Bottom right now! Until then, I am not leaving this spot! [gives three raspberries. Lights turn off. SpongeBob laughs nervously] Okay, like I said, I'll be right here when you get back. At this spot. In the dark. By myself. With no one around. Except my glove light! [turns on the light] Ah, that's better.
- [The glove light buzzes with a spark fuse and it stops working; short pause.]
- SpongeBob: This isn't your average everyday darkness. This is... advanced darkness. Hey! [closes his eyes] If I close my eyes, it doesn't seem so dark. [A raspberry is heard in the distance; he opens his eyes] Who's there?! [walks down the road] Well, I guess that spot will be there tomorrow. I better just keep walking. [hears another raspberry] Running. Better start running. Running. Running. [hears another raspberry] Sprinting! Yes! I just gotta keep sprinting! [runs into the 90-degree angle road. Sits down with scallops flying around his head] Sitting, sitting. Bleeding. [hears noise] Hey, who's there? [hears another raspberry] Okay, that's enough! [hears another raspberry] Don't come closer! [hears another raspberry] I'm warning you! [hears another raspberry] I'm a sponge! [a red light shines around SpongeBob. It's Bert from earlier] Oh, it's only you. [Bert ties the white balloon to SpongeBob's wrist] Well, that solves my balloon problem, but I have a bigger problem. [Bert begins blowing the balloon bigger] I'm kinda stuck here. I need to catch a bus to get home. You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you? Balloon... [raspberry] has... [raspberry] enough... [raspberry] air... [raspberry] thanks. [gives a few more raspberries as he is floating up] Hey, I get it, balloon travel! Thank... [raspberry] you! [raspberry]
- Bert: You're welcome! [SpongeBob continues to float while leaving Rock Bottom.]
- [Bubble transition to Bikini Bottom as SpongeBob passes by an "Entering Rock Bottom" sign on the way up, still with the balloon tied to his wrist. He floats past downtown Bikini Bottom on the way to his home.]
- SpongeBob: Ah, home at last. [the balloon pops]
- Patrick: [riding another bus to Rock Bottom] Don't worry, SpongeBob, I'm coming back for ya! [The bus passes by his, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses as the episode bubble transitions to the end.]
Episode 18
[edit]Texas [1.18a]
[edit]- [After Sandy sings a song about returning to her home, Texas]
- Patrick: Do you think she knows the muffin man song?
- SpongeBob: Patrick, she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas.
- Patrick: Well, let's get some Texas and bring it down here.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, we can't-- [comes with an idea] That's it! Patrick, your genius is showing.
- Patrick: [frantically covers himself] Where?
- Patrick: What’s so great about dumb old Texas? [the bus suddenly speeds back; the doors open revealing Sandy with an angry look on her face]
- Sandy: What did you say?
- Patrick: Texas is dumb.
- Sandy: Don't you dare take the name of Texas in vain! [the bus drives off again]
- SpongeBob: You mean we can't say anything bad about dumb old Texas?
- Sandy: No, you can't!
- Patrick: Oh, then can we say people from Texas are dumb?
- Sandy: No! You can't say nothin' about Texas!
- SpongeBob: [gets an idea] Oh, so we shouldn’t say anything bad about Texas. [turns and shakes his rear end]
- Sandy: [blushes angrily] I'm warning you, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Look, Patrick, I'm Texas! Duh, howdy, y'all! Howdy y'all!
- Patrick: I'm Texas, too. Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!
- SpongeBob: Howdy y'all!
- Patrick: Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!
- Sandy: Y'all best cut it out!
- SpongeBob: [while Patrick does armpit farts] The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! [Sandy gets steaming mad. SpongeBob turns into the shape of Texas] Hey, Patrick, what am I now?
- Patrick: Uh, stupid?
- SpongeBob: No, I'm Texas!
- Patrick: What’s the difference? [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
- Sandy: [drops suitcases] Y'all best apologize, or I'm gonna be on you like ugly on an ape!
- SpongeBob: You'll have to catch us first! [he and Patrick run off] We did it! We got her!
- Patrick: Krusty Krab, here we come! [turns head around to Sandy] Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb? Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?
- SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick... that's enough.
- Patrick: Why? Do you think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna...? [...catch up, which she is. And fast. Patrick's eyes bug out as he screams]
- SpongeBob: Run faster, Patrick!
- [Both of them scream as they run and go around each side of a huge rock. Sandy crashes right through the rock, obliterating it, and walks while twirling a lasso. Her shoe engulfs the screen, Sandy lassoes Patrick and brings him into the background]
- Patrick: Aah! SpongeBob!
- [A nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears. SpongeBob screams. SpongeBob stops in front of a leaf and shakes as Sandy karate chops the leaf and SpongeBob in half]
- Sandy: Hi-yah! [SpongeBob jumps with his halves and he gets back together] Y'all gonna take back what ya said!
- SpongeBob: No! Almost there...! [runs toward the Krusty Krab. Sandy's lasso turns into the shape of SpongeBob; SpongeBob squeals when he sees this. As he jumps for the Krusty Krab, Sandy throws her lasso. SpongeBob hangs onto the door as Sandy pulls him towards her]
- Sandy: SpongeBob! You've been messing with the bull! Now here come the horns!
- SpongeBob: [grunts] Sandy, no!
- [The front of the Krusty Krab tears off as Sandy has pulled tight enough, revealing a "Happy Texas" party inside]
- Everyone: Howdy, y'all!
- Sandy: What's this?
- SpongeBob: It's a party!
- Patrick: [hops over to the Krusty Krab, hogtied and covered in bandages] For you!
- Sandy: For me?
- SpongeBob: It's your own little slice of Texas! Check it out, Sandy! We got square dancing giant Barbecues homemade peas-in-a-can pie and we got our very own 10 gallon hats! [Flats is holding a square; Pearl is holding a pie with a can of peas in it]
- Squidward: [holds a sharp, spiky Q] Ow.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick put ten gallon water jugs on their heads]
- SpongeBob: So, what do you think? Are you gonna stay?
- [Sandy starts to laugh and tears of laughter spew out and fill her helmet. Everyone frowns as they mistake Sandy's laughing for crying]
- SpongeBob: Don't cry anymore, Sandy, I'll go get your bags.
- Sandy: [takes out the flusher handle, attaches it to her helmet and flushes the water out again] I'm not crying, I'm laughing! I appreciate what y'all are trying to do, SpongeBob, but home isn't about barbecues or pecan pies, home is where you're surrounded by critters that care about ya. [Everyone gathers around Sandy]
- Sandy: Huh? Duh. What am I doin'? I was home all along, and it took me until now to realize it.
- SpongeBob: Does that mean you'll stay?
- Sandy: I'm staying! [everyone cheers, except Squidward]
- SpongeBob: That makes me feel all wiggly.
- Patrick: Yeah, who needs dumb old Texas? [cheering stops; the scene cuts back to the Bikini Atoll]
- Sandy: What did you just say?
- Patrick: Should I start running now?
Walking Small [1.18b]
[edit]- Plankton: But it's becoming increasingly obvious. I can deny it no longer! I am small.
- [SpongeBob hears crying from Plankton, who's sitting on a bench with two strawberry ice creams]
- SpongeBob: Plankton, what are you doing here? And why are you crying?
- Plankton: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [blows his nose] I'm cryin' because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! [cries] I don't know what to do with the other one!
- [SpongeBob is confused; Plankton cries then stops for a second and looks at SpongeBob and cries again.]
- SpongeBob: Well, what about an airline food?
- Plankton: What?
- SpongeBob: Airline food! My gosh, what is up with that stuff? [Showtime fill music appears] Thank you, good night! See, I can be a stand up guy. See?
- SpongeBob: [finds out that Plankton used him for his evil plan; gasps] "Mega Bucket"?! You used me for land development! That wasn't nice!
- Plankton: Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! [laughs evilly]
- SpongeBob: Well, what about aggressively nice people?
- Plankton: Huh? What are you doing? [SpongeBob brings out the hot dogs in the hot dog stand, he ate earlier and puts them back where they belong. Then he puts the kites back where they were] Wait, SpongeBob! Stop! [a girl is crying because she has sand on her ice cream. SpongeBob takes it and wipes the sand off with his eyelashes] Butterfly kisses... Can't take it... It's too cute... It's-it's disgusting! [Scooter is crying at his broken surfboard]
- SpongeBob: What happened? [points to surfboard]
- Scooter: I hit a reef with my new board, dude!
- SpongeBob: No problem! [shapeshifts into a surfboard]
- Scooter: Whoa! [grabs the surfboard] Killer!
- Plankton: SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back! [everyone comes back] Get back! Wait! [everyone, on their way back to the beach breaks through the construction barriers, trample and squish Plankton underfoot] Ouch! Ow! Ow! No! Ooh!
- Scooter: [is surfing with SpongeBob] Cowabunga! [he and SpongeBob arrive back to shore] Thanks, dude! That was awesome! [just then, Plankton begins straining and weeping]
- SpongeBob: Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
- Plankton: Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting. [bunches up into a ball] NEED... HATRED... [crawls away]
- SpongeBob: Volleyball, anyone? [everyone uses SpongeBob as the ball] Serve up! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch! [laughs] Ouch!
End Credits
[edit]- Junior Brown: Ohhhhhhhhhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
- Children: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Junior Brown: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
- Children: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Junior Brown: If nautical nonsense be something you wish,
- Children: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Junior Brown: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.
- Children: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- [Country-style acoustic interlude for eight seconds]
- Junior Brown: Ready?
- All: SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBooob... SquarePaaants!
- Junior Brown: (laughs)
- [All bulls mooing and bellowing]
Episode 19
[edit]Fools in April [1.19a]
[edit]- [Gary snoring and meowing]
- SpongeBob: Wake up, Gary!
- Gary: [wakes up] Meow?
- SpongeBob: We're moving today!
- Gary: [quizzically] Meow? ("We are?")
- SpongeBob: That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become peasants! [puts on a hat and a fake beard]
- Gary: Meow? ("Peasants?")
- SpongeBob: [takes Gary's bowl away] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clam shells.
- [SpongeBob seasons the shells with salt as Gary starts crying.]
- SpongeBob [takes off the peasant mask] April Fools! [puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There you go, pal.
- Gary: Meow.
- SpongeBob: [goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty! [opens the fridge and takes a giant pitcher of lemonade out of it] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor, causing the floor to shake a little]
- [Bubble transition to SpongeBob putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas.]
- SpongeBob: [normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me.
- [SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously, leaves his home and goes to work. Squidward sees him walking next to his house.]
- Squidward: What's he so happy about? (I mean, what's today anyhow?) [walks by the calendar and panics when he notices it's...] "April 1st"!? [yells] April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday!
- Tom: Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
- SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [walks off and then returns with the drink] Here you go.
- Tom: Thanks. [drinks his lemonade]
- SpongeBob: [giggles with every sip, and Tom finishes his drink; laughing] April Fools!
- Tom: What did you do to my drink?
- SpongeBob: I-er, I-er...
- Tom: You what?!?!
- SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]
- Tom: Hey, I guess that is kinda funny.
- Squidward: Ugh, that's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks. I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about.
- [The bubbles transition to Squidward squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]
- SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up. [starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]
- Squidward: April Fools! [laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Whoa! [the rope sends him into some bags of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this and rolls on the floor. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar] Whoa! Blblblblblblbl... [yells as he is sent slamming face-first into the wall]
- Customers: Oh, no!
- [Squidward's eyes pop out as he laughs hysterically. SpongeBob flies into Bubble Bass' rear]
- SpongeBob: Whoa! [The scene cuts to Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]
- Squidward: [runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob. [giggles to himself. SpongeBob shouts as he plummets toward Squidward, who quickly sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the can] Oops. [dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can] April Fools, you little sausage. [laughs]
- SpongeBob: Awww! [starts to cry and runs out of the Krusty Krab]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, I was just kidding. C'mon, c'mon. You guys know I was just kidding... Right?
- Incidental 37B: Aww, man, poor kid.
- Incidental 45: That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. [the customers angrily glare at Squidward as they begin to leave]
- Incidental 71: April Fools, jerk. [all the customers storm out the door in disgust as Squidward starts to look upset by their reaction]
- Squidward: Wait, don't go.
- Man: Hey, you stink!
- Squidward: Wait, wait, wait. It was a joke! Uh-huh... [looks around at the mess he has made and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward starts to feel ashamed of himself] Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. [makes silly face] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [throat goes haywire] gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
- SpongeBob: What would we do with Squidward?
Neptune's Spatula [1.19b]
[edit]- [The episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick browsing through Fry Cook Museum, "ooh"ing and "aah"ing at every rare item they see]
- SpongeBob: Behold the ultimate cooking utensil, the golden spatula!
- [Larry tries to pull the spatula out]
- Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, look what it says here. [reads plaque] Many have tried to pull the spatula from this ancient grease, but all have failed.
- [Larry grunts as he fails and flies backwards. The golden spatula springs back into place]
- SpongeBob: Only a fry cook worthy of King Neptune himself can wield the golden spatula.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow!
- SpongeBob: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Take a picture of me and the spatula! [runs up to the spatula and grabs the handle] Okay, I'm ready! [Patrick is about to take a picture]
- Miss Shell: Excuse me, do you know where the menu section is?
- [Patrick gets confused and drools]
- Patrick: Uhhh...
- SpongeBob: Menu section? That's easy, it's over that way. [points to the menu section, accidentally pulling the spatula out, and gray clouds appear above him] Uh-oh.
- Miss Shell: [deep voice] Holy smokes! [runs away]
- Patrick: Rude. Hey, the light changed.
- SpongeBob: Uhh, Patrick... [Lightning bolts strike]
- Patrick: Hold on, almost there. [takes a picture. The clouds open as King Neptune appears]
- King Neptune: Yes, yes, at last! Someone worthy of being the royal fry cook. Who has freed the spatula from the grease?
- SpongeBob: [nervous] Uhh, I did, Mr. Neptune, sir. SpongeBob SquarePants.
- King Neptune: [laughs] A fine jest, boy. You are but a lowly yellow sponge. [As King Neptune insults SpongeBob each time, SpongeBob goes droopier, 3x] Puny, insignificant, a commoner. Therefore, you could never be fry cook to a god and this is why it is funny! [laughs] Now step aside as I seek out the true fry cook. [searches for the real spatula taker] No, no. Mmm-hmm, you're too short, no... [soon comes up to a hot dog stand] Ah!
- SpongeBob: But, but...
- King Neptune: A purveyor of foods. [chuckles] Yes, you must be my new fry cook.
- Hot Dog Vendor: Uhh, sorry, King Neptune. I don't make them. I just sell them.
- King Neptune: Then who pulled out the spatula?
- Hot Dog Vendor: Uh, he did. [points to SpongeBob]
- King Neptune: [everyone laughs with Neptune] It is even funnier a second time! [destroys the hot dog stand with his fist] You there, crustacean!
- Larry: Who, me?
- King Neptune: You have the physique of Atlas!
- Larry: [laughs] Thanks, I work out.
- King Neptune: [laughs] Make poses with me!
- Larry: Okay!
- Larry and King Neptune: [show off their muscles] Body slam! [body slams each other]
- King Neptune: You pulled the spatula from the grease!
- Larry: Nope, that was SpongeBob.
- [SpongeBob smiles]
- King Neptune: This joke has gone far enough! Where's my fry cook? [everyone runs away except Patrick] Certainly you with your prodigious girth would know who can flip a burger to suit a royal palate! [Patrick points to SpongeBob] What?! Am I expected to believe this creature is royal fry cook material? I don't suppose you have any proof? [Patrick shows the photo he took of SpongeBob holding the spatula] Ha! This thing is unfit to even scrub the royal tail fin! And besides, it's not just enough to pull a spatula from a greasy griddle. There are certain... qualities that a royal fry cook must have.
- SpongeBob: Like?
- King Neptune: The royal fry cook must be, er, left-handed.
- SpongeBob: Actually, I've got two. [shows two left hands]
- King Neptune: [snaps fingers] Also, the royal fry cook wears the red underwear. [SpongeBob shows his red underwear] No, blue. [SpongeBob shows his blue underwear] Uh, the royal fry cook's wallet contains... [SpongeBob takes out his wallet] His big toes are... [SpongeBob gets ready to show something about his foot] Uhh, he has six...
- Patrick: [contempt] He is the new royal fry cook and you-
- King Neptune: [shouting] Silence![zaps Patrick, burning him]
- Patrick: Is it hot in here or what? [falls over]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick! You hurt my friend! You're not a king, you're a bully and a liar!
- King Neptune: [grabs SpongeBob] So, little one, you think you have what it takes to be my fry cook? I will prove your worthlessness. You shall be tested with a challenge!
- Patrick: [faints, down below and mocks Neptune again] Bring it on! SpongeBob can handle any- [gets zapped again, burned even more] Ouch.
- King Neptune: Your friend's arrogance will cost you dearly. There will be two challenges.
- Patrick: [mocks Neptune again] Only two? One or two challenges to someone like Sponge-?
- King Neptune: [zaps Patrick again] Three challenges!
- Patrick: Three? [laughs contemptuously and mocks Neptune with sarcasm] Three challenges are nothing. It might as well be... 500 challenges!
- King Neptune: Enough! [zaps Patrick into ash]
- Patrick: [weak] He'll settle for one...
- King Neptune: There will be but one challenge. You will face me in: The Ultimate Cook-Off!
- SpongeBob: I will accept your challenge if you fix my friend.
- King Neptune: Ah, yes, the round one. I shall restore him.
- Patrick: [gets zapped to normal] SpongeBob? SpongeBob?! [turns around as we see that his face is now on his bottom] SpongeBob? Oh, there you are!
- SpongeBob: How you feeling?
- 'Patrick:: Pretty good. Say, have you gotten taller?
- King Neptune: And now, see the fate that may lie ahead. [King Neptune summons the clouds] For if by some minute chance you meet the challenge, your reward will be great. [opens the clouds] Behold! [he accidentally shows a live-action man taking a shower, who sees the audience and backs up screaming; Neptune quickly closes the portal and chuckles sheepishly] Hehe. Whoopsie! Now, behold! [opens the clouds again and shows the city of Atlantis] My beloved home of Atlantis. A prize worthy of Apollo. You will reside here in this glorious palace, cook only for me, and be a god!
- Patrick: Hey, that sounds pretty good.
- King Neptune: [leans at SpongeBob] But if you should not succeed, you must give up fry cooking forever! [goes back] What do you say?
- SpongeBob: I'm ready.
- King Neptune: Very well then. To the Poseidome!
- King Neptune: Yours is superior. [bows to SpongeBob] Therefore I concede to you, SpongeBob SquarePants, you win. [The crowd cheers]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! [dancing] We're going to Atlantis! We're going to Atlantis!
- [King Neptune laughs]
- SpongeBob: What's so funny?
- King Neptune: You, SpongeBob. That repulsive thing in my palace?
- SpongeBob: You mean, Patrick can't come?
- King Neptune: [laughs] No, of course not.
- SpongeBob: And my friends?
- King Neptune: Ah, the only friend you need, my dear boy, is the royal grill.
- Patrick: [crying and wiping his tears with a tissue] It was nice knowing you, buddy![Mr. Krabs cries]
- SpongeBob: [pats Mr. Krabs' claws] I know, Mr. Krabs, I'll miss you, too.
- Mr. Krabs: I lost me bet!
- King Neptune: [luggage appears next to SpongeBob] Come, SpongeBob, grab your things! It's time to depart to Atlantis! [a two-seater bike appears. He rings bell and pats SpongeBob's seat]
- SpongeBob: I don't wanna go! [cries]
- King Neptune: It's too late now. I can't live without your burgers! [grows giant] You're going to be a god and like it! [zaps SpongeBob and he becomes a muscular god. But being the same size, he looks a little strange] Maybe we do have a problem.
- SpongeBob: [in a booming voice] Wait, Neptune! I have another idea! [summons lightning]
- [The scene cuts to the outside of the Krusty Krab. Patrick walks in the Krusty Krab, his face still on his bottom]
- Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew.
- SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick. What'll you have?
- Patrick: Uhhh... [drools stupidly]
- [SpongeBob writes Patrick's order on the notepad. King Neptune screams, drawing SpongeBob's attention]
- SpongeBob: Can you excuse me?
- King Neptune: The accursed stove has burnt my finger! Feel thine own wrath, stove! [uses his powers to zap the stove] Haha!
- SpongeBob: [in a stern voice] What did I tell you about using your powers, trainee?
- King Neptune: [sighs, then embarrassedly puts his arms behind his back] Uh... Perfect patties are made with love, not magic.
- [SpongeBob smiles, ending the episode]
Episode 20
[edit]Hooky [1.20a]
[edit]- Mr. Krabs: The hooks, me bucko! They're back! Beware the hooks!
- SpongeBob: The hooks?
- Mr. Krabs: Aye, the hooks! They dangle down and draw you close with their pleasing shapes and beguiling colors, and just when you think you've found the land of milk and honey, they grab ya by the britches, and haul you way up high, and higher, and higher, and higher, until you're hauled up to the surface, flopping and gasping for breath! And then they cook ya, and then they eat ya...or worse!
- SpongeBob: [terrified] What could be worse than that?
- Mr. Krabs: Gift shops.
- Mr. Krabs: What did I tell ya about those hooks, boy?
- SpongeBob: I-I-I...
- Patrick: I'll tell ya about the hooks. You ride 'em up, and up, and up, then you gently float down.
- Mr. Krabs: And do ya know what happens when ya don't float back down?
- SpongeBob: Gift shop?
- Mr. Krabs: Worse! Ya end up vacuum-packed, in a can of tuna! With nothin' to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise!
- SpongeBob: All I know is Mr. Krabs said... [Patrick eats the cheese off the hook] Patrick, don't do that!
- Patrick: Cheesy! No danger here.
- Mr Krabs: I need a sailor's promise! Repeat after me: Yoho! Yoho! Near the hooks, I'll never go!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Yoho! Yoho! Near the hooks, we'll never go.
- [A hook comes down and pokes Mr. Krabs in the butt]
- Mr. Krabs: YOOOWIE! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! [rubs his butt]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahh! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! [rub their butts]
- Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way!
- SpongeBob: I always go to work this way.
- Patrick: You're not going to work today, we're gonna go play Hooky!
- SpongeBob: But, Patrick, we promised.
- Patrick: Well, I had my fingers crossed.
- SpongeBob: You don't have any fingers, Patrick.
- Patrick: Well, that Mr. Krabs is just a big dummy! We played on those hooks all day long, and nothing happened to us!
- SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs said--
- Patrick: Look, SpongeBob. Are you gonna listen to a big dummy, or are you gonna listen to me?
- SpongeBob: Uuuuuummmmmm...
- [final lines]
- Patrick: [voice only, in a can of tuna] Hello? Does somebody have a can opener?
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II [1.20b]
[edit]- Barnacle Boy: [takes away the conch signal from SpongeBob] Alright, that's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged.
- Mermaid Man: [while crawling on the walkway of SpongeBob's house] Must answer clarion call! [collapses]
- Barnacle Boy: We're exhausted!
- SpongeBob: [while tearing up] I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy! I didn't mean it! I just wanted to spend time with you! You're my heroes! [starts crying]
- Barnacle Boy: It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my sulfur vision! [tries to use his sulfur vision to destroy the conch but is unsuccessful. He tries again, but he still doesn't succeed] Well, I'll destroy it when I get back to the Mermalair. Uh, and as for you... [puts the conch in his pocket]
- Mermaid Man: [gets up] Barnacle Boy, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow, or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. [takes out a picture. The image shows Barnacle Boy as a kid holding a lollipop; chuckles]
- Barnacle Boy: You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot.
- Mermaid Man: [walks up to SpongeBob, still crying] Maybe the conch signal is too much responsibility. [SpongeBob stops crying] But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?
- Barnacle Boy: What?
- Mermaid Man: [while he and SpongeBob are running to the Invisible Boatmobile] To the Invisible Boatmobile! [Barnacle Boy becomes angry]
- Atomic Flounder: If I weren’t retired, I’d-I’d-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! ...Do that!
Cast
[edit]- Tom Kenny as SpongeBob SquarePants/Sub Driver/Dad/Chef/Young Mermaid Man/Bill/Cop/Guy #1/Fish Guy/Skinny Fish/Billy Fish/Photo Fish/Mom/TV Fish/Hot Sauce Drop/Guy in shower/Vender Fish/Kid/Customer/Fish #1, #2, #3/Guy/Guy in shower
- Rodger Bumpass as Squidward Tentacles/Old Coot #2/Doctor/Customer #1/Fish #1
- Mr. Brown as Mr. Krabs/Customer #1/Customer #2
- William 'Bill' Fagerbakke as Patrick Star/Old Coot #3/Student/Bartender/Fish #3
- Carol L. as Sandy Cheeks/Singer/Tina/Wife
- Carlos A. as Castle Fish/Loser/Marshmallow Fish/Fireman/Guy #1/Guy at Party #2/Eel/Surfer Fish/Fish #5/Atomic Flounder
- Dee Bradley Baker as Lifeguard/Pants/Loser #2/Bubble Bass/Customer #2/Customer #4/Cop #2/Husband/Jimmy/Incidental #1, #2, #3/Talking Gary/King/Fish/Fish #3, #4/Soil/Glow Fish/Bus Driver/Fish #2, #4, #6/Hot Dog Fish/Guy #2, #4, #5/Tongue/Green Fish/Vendor/Old Lady
- Doug Lawrence as Customer/Ice Cream Fish/Larry the Lobster/Plankton/Customer/Customer/Driver Fish/Villain/Old Coot/Intern/Guy/Cop/Newsie/Customer/Customer/Guy #2/Fish/Sports Guy/Guy at Party #1/Clerk Fish/Sick Fish/Fish #1/Ice Cream Guy/Driver Fish/Fish #3/Fish #4
- Jill Talley as Karen/Customer #3/Woman
- M.J Catlett as Mrs. Puff
- Sirena Irwin as Mom/Real Estate Agent/Girls #1/#2/Little Fish/Girl #1, #2/Mom Fish/Girl #1/Lady Fish
- Lori A. as Pearl Krabs
