SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 (Main) | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral / The Patrick Star Show

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SpongeBob SquarePants (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.

Episode 1

The Algae’s Always Greener [3.1a]

[Karen projects holographic meatloaf, Plankton pokes it with a fork]

Plankton: [sarcastically] Oh, goodie. Holographic meatloaf again. [slams his fists on a table] When do I get to have some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's as big as a whale!

SpongeGuard on Duty [3.1b]

SpongeBob: I'm every bit as cool as Larry and if I'm not, let me be struck by... [lightning flashes overhead] ... A flying ice cream truck. [the flying ice cream truck plummets in his direction] AND LIVE! [The actually flying ice cream truck stops just above SpongeBob, then drops onto him gently]

Larry: [through megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.

---

Frank: [notices Patrick struggling in the water] Holy cow! Somebody's drowning!

SpongeBob: [lounging at the top of the lifeguard tower] Oh, no, that's not possible. The lagoon is closed. [tied up group of fish angrily walk over to the tower]

Scooter: Dude, get your butt in the water!

SpongeBob: If there was anyone in there, we'd hear them.

Patrick: Help, help! [SpongeBob stands up and takes off his shades] I can't swim!

SpongeBob: Somebody would be screaming that they're drowning.

Patrick: I'm drowning! I'm drowning!

SpongeBob: They would have to have crossed the line...

Patrick: I'm drowning ‘cause I crossed the line!

SpongeBob: [looks at the angry fish and takes out a pair of binoculars] Okay, I'll take a look, but just to prove to you that... [his eyes become huge and break through the lenses of the binoculars] ...PATRICK ISN’T DROWNING! [sees Patrick drowning]

Episode 2

Club SpongeBob [3.2a]

SpongeBob: Magic Conch? What do we do to escape the kelp forest?

Magic Conch: Nothing.

Patrick: The shell has spoken!

Squidward: NOTHING?! We can't just sit here and do nothing! [sees that they are doing nothing; groans angrily]

My Pretty Seahorse [3.2b]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, your story has touched me heart. Believe it or not, I know what its like to give up a best friend.

SpongeBob: You do?

Mr. Krabs: I was five years old, and me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar...loved it like a brother. Me and that dollar went everywhere together.

SpongeBob: What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: [sniffles] And one day at the beach, it was so hot and I was so thirsty! I spent it on a soda! [sobbing] My best friend! [crying]

[Squidward sobs some more because of the onions again]

Squidward: What? Would you get out of here?!

Mr. Krabs: The point is, son, sometimes, you have to set things free even though it's hard. [points to Mystery] Look at her. She misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a live horse. [two customers spit out their patties]

SpongeBob: Alright, Mr. Krabs, I understand.

Episode 3

Just One Bite [3.3a]

SpongeBob: Hey, everyone! Squidward says he doesn't like Krabby Patties! Haw!

[Everyone laughs]

Squidward: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.

SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say.

Customers: ..."The only people, who don't like a Krabby Patty, have never tasted one"!

---

Squidward: What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage?

[Frank with a big belly walks up to the trash can with a partially eaten Krabby Patty]

Frank: I wish I could eat this, but I'm so darn full. Oh well. [drops the patty in the garbage]

Squidward: I had to say garbage... but, okay!

[Squidward runs to the garbage can. He sees the Krabby Patty. He inhales deeply and eats almost everything in the garbage can. When he lifts up his head, he suddenly realizes the Krabby Patty ends up being the only thing left in the garbage. He extends his tongue, revealing all the trash he ate. He spits out what's in his mouth and grabs the Krabby Patty. SpongeBob runs over and grabs it out of his hand.]

SpongeBob: Oh no, what's this doing here?! This patty should be cremated! [runs to the furnace and throws it in and cries. Squidward walks up] I know you didn't like him, but... it means so much that you came. [runs off]

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SpongeBob: And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry? And... [grins very smugly]

Squidward: No, no, wait... it's not what you think. Th-this is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me, I... Listen, I am telling you... You better listen to me, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?

The Bully [3.3b]

SpongeBob: Hi. I'm SpongeBob!

Flats: Hi, SpongeBob. I'm gonna kick your butt.

SpongeBob: Whoa! [giggles] That joke was almost funnier the second time!

Flats: [gets close to SpongeBob] No, I mean it.

SpongeBob: [giggles again] That time it almost seemed like... [Flats tears off his chest hair revealing "I MEAN IT".] …you did mean it.

Episode 4

Nasty Patty [3.4a]

SpongeBob: Maybe we oughta tell our guy about the phony impostor.

Mr. Krabs: You loony loofah, he is the impostor! We've been duped!

SpongeBob: Duped!

Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!

SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!

Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!

Idiot Box [3.4b]

Squidward: How are you doing that?

SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet.

Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?

Patrick: Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.

SpongeBob: And... imagination! [forms a rainbow with his hands]

Squidward: Are you trying to say I have no imagination?! I have more... "imagination" in 1 tentacle than you 2 have in your whole bodies!

Patrick: That's good! Now all you need is a box.

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Policeman Inside Box: Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

Squidward: What do they want with me? What did I do? [gasps] Obviously I violated some new box kicking law! [walks out of his house showing the green box] Look, officers, everything's okay. I won't do it again!

Criminal Inside Box: You'll never take me alive, coppers!

Episode 5

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV [3.5a]

[The two are trying to reverse the effects of a shrink ray on Mermaid Man's utility belt]

Patrick: You know what the problem is?

SpongeBob: What?

Patrick: You got it set to "M" for "mini"... [turns the "M" on the belt upside down] ...When it should be set to "W" for "wumbo"!

SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think "wumbo" is a real word.

Patrick: Come on! You know. I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me, wumbo! Wumbo, wumboing ...

Squidward: [thinking] I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.

Patrick: ...Wumbology - the study of wumbo?! It's first grade, Spongebob!

Spongebob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.

Doing Time [3.5b]

[SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to rob the bank]

SpongeBob: Alright! Put the money. In. The. Bag! PUT IT IN!

Bank Teller: Umm, you're facing the wrong way, sir.

SpongeBob: [turns around, laughing] ALRIGHT, GIVE ME THE MONEY!

Bank Teller: Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?

SpongeBob: Uhh, savings.

Bank Teller: May I please see some identification?

SpongeBob: Sure. [gives him a card] Here ya go.

Bank Teller: Thank you. [The card is shown to be SpongeBob's Jellyfishers Club Membership card; SpongeBob gives Patrick a thumbs up] Sir, we are showing a balance of $0.00 for both of your accounts.

SpongeBob: Oh.

Bank Teller: Next!

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SpongeBob: Patrick, she has lost it! She's completely institutionalized. She's forgotten what it's like to live on the outside, to not be in prison!

[cut to a fish caught in traffic, then miserably working at a cubicle, and then solemnly looking out his window]

Wife': Coming to bed, honey?

Fish: Yes, dear...

SpongeBob: We've gotta remind her that there is a life other than this!

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Prison Guard No. 1: What the barnacle is going on?!

Mrs. Puff: Get away from me, get away!

Prison Guard No. 1: What are you talking about, Puff?!

Mrs. Puff: You can't fool me! You're SpongeBob and that guy who likes the chili! [rips off the guards' faces]

Prison Guard No. 1: Let's face it, Puff. You've gone off the deep end.

Episode 6

Snowball Effect [3.6a]

SpongeBob: Squidward! You're just in time to enlist in my army! Join me, and we'll defeat the Pink Menace!

Patrick: That's me!

Squidward: Thanks but no thanks Major Stupidity. You and General Nonsense over there will have to fight without me!

One Krab's Trash [3.6b]

Patrick: That looks like a toilet plunger I threw out yesterday!

Mr. Krabs: That ain't no toilet plunger! This here's an antique! It's, um... uh... [turns the rubber part of the plunger upside-down] ...A 17th-century soup ladle, see?

Patrick: Wow, was I using mine wrong! How much?

Mr. Krabs: $5.

Patrick: I've only got $7.

Mr. Krabs: Deal.

Patrick: Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.

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Mr. Krabs: [reads the tombstone Squidward was looking at] Here lies Squidward's hopes and dreams. What a baby.

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Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!

Smitty: That's disgusting! We just want the hat back.

Episode 7

As Seen on T.V. [3.7a]

Mr. Krabs: What in Neptune's name is going on?!

Squidward: We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: What you're doing is throwing away me money! I told you to rent, only, what is absolutely necessary!

Squidward: This is all necessary!

Mr. Krabs: Then what's that useless junk?!

Squidward: That's the useless junk for scene, uh... 28.

Mr. Krabs: Oh well, then how do you explain that? [sees another Krusty Krab] A second Krusty Krab?!

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy!

Mr. Krabs: Well, you got me there. But why do we need him? [points to a clownfish]

Squidward: This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs.

Can You Spare a Dime? [3.7b]

Squidward: [to SpongeBob, after quitting] You know, there's something I've been wanting to tell you from the day we first met - goodbye.

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[two puppets appear on the TV screen]

Puppet 1: Hey, where you going?

Puppet 2: To my job.

Puppet 1: You have a job?

Puppet 2: Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day!

Puppet 1: Say, where can I get one of these jobs?

[the camera pans down to reveal that it's SpongeBob handling the puppets behind the TV screen]

SpongeBob: [voicing puppet 2] Oh, they're everywhere. Especially if you're green and have six tentacles. [voicing puppet 1] Thanks! I'm gonna go look for one, so I can stop [normal voice] mooching off my friends, and they can get back to their lives!

Squidward: This isn't my show! SpongeBob, the remote control's broken. Get over here and fix it!

SpongeBob: [completely had it; flips the TV away] I've got a better idea! Why don't I call someone whose JOB it is to fix it! You know why? Because when I need a JOB done, I get someone with a JOB to DO THAT JOB!

Squidward: [pause] What're you saying?

[SpongeBob loses it, and takes Squidward while still in bed, bursts out of his house and runs to the Krusty Krab screaming]

Episode 8

No Weenies Allowed [3.8a]

Sandy: Back in Texas, we call ice cream "frozen cow juice."

---

SpongeBob: Hey, what about me? i was in that scrap.

Reg: Ho ho, i saw you running. when you get in a real fight, then we'll talk.

SpongeBob: Well then, I guess it's time to take it up a notch. :[shadowboxes, then proceeds to crack his knuckles, resulting in him snapping all of his fingers in half]

---

"SpongeBob": [has a cool black wig] What's shakin', my man?

Reg: Not much. Say, haven't I seen you before?

"SpongeBob": Doubt it. I'm a drifter, just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I'd check it out.

Reg: Nice try, kid. I know it's you.

"SpongeBob": What're you talking about? [Reg pulls his hair, but it's real hair]

Reg: Aha!

[The real Spongebob arrives in a rainbow clown wig, revealing the Drifter isn't him]

SpongeBob: Hey, everybody, what's goin' on? [the Drifter gets angry as Reg tries to fix his hair]

Squilliam Returns [3.8b]

Squidward: Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. [He imagines Squilliam as a hot underwear model.] OH NO, HE'S HOT!

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Squidward: Alright, listen up. Men, Squilliam Fancyson will be here in twenty minutes. Therefore, we need to turn the Krusty Krab into a fancy restaurant as soon as possible. [Patrick appears with an army hat] Patrick, what are you doing here?

Patrick: I thought the Corps would help me straighten out my life, sir!

Squidward: The Corps? What the... Pat, this isn't the... oh!

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Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you gotta take 'em out of the... [gasps] Holy fish paste, what is that?! [sees a grotesque pile of goop with gross things sticking out of it]

Mr. Krabs: That's the appetizer.

Squidward: But I thought you said you were the head chef on the S.S. Gourmet.

Mr. Krabs: Did I say that? No. I cleaned the bathrooms on the Gourmet. I was the head chef on the S.S. Diarrhea.

Episode 9

Krab Borg [3.9a]

SpongeBob: [runs over to the phone] Hello, Operator? Get me the Navy!

Operator: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service.

SpongeBob: Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!

---

SpongeBob: There you go! Enjoy your– Say, you're not a robot, are you?

Customer: No... I'm not.

SpongeBob: Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere.

Squidward: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how?

SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.

Squidward: They poop on the robot?

SpongeBob: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.

Squidward: I never thought I'd say this, but, SpongeBob, let's get that poop!

Rock-a-Bye Bivalve [3.9b]

SpongeBob: Patrick, breakfast is ready.

Patrick: All right. All this parenting stuff makes me hungry. [lifts the table to gobble up food, then burps] Hey, Junior. How you doing today? [smells the stink] SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick.

Patrick: Kid's got a stinky.

SpongeBob: Can you take care of him? My hands are kind of full.

Patrick: [Drinks a coffee while Junior begins to cry] Wish I could, but I'm gotta get going.

SpongeBob: Going? Where are you going?

Patrick: Going to work. I'm the dad, remember?

SpongeBob: You mean I have to do this baby stuff myself?

Patrick: I'll give you the break when I get home. Don't you stop being adorable. [laughs as he close the door]

SpongeBob: Okay…

Episode 10

Wet Painters [3.10a]

[SpongeBob dips his brush into one of the cans of paint and tentatively approaches one of the walls]

SpongeBob: All right, Patrick, let's get started painting this wall, with the permanent paint that we're not allowed to get on anything but the wall! Well... here we go. [A time card reading "One hour later" appears on the screen]

Narrator: One hour later...

SpongeBob: [sweating profusely] Just a few more seconds of mental preparation, and I'll be painting this wall. [The next time card reads "Two hours later"]

Narrator: Two hours later... [SpongeBob is still standing in the same spot, and not a drop of paint has touched the wall]

SpongeBob: I'm getting to the painting. [The next time card reads "Three hours later"]

Narrator: Three hours later...

Patrick: [pulls the time card out of the scene] Could you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.

---

SpongeBob: [accidentally creates a giant paint bubble] Barnacles! What could be worse than a giant paint bubble?!

Patrick: Oh, I know! [uses a bubble wand to blow another giant bubble] Two giant paint bubbles!

SpongeBob: No! [the two bubbles merge into one] Patrick?

Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: I don't think this bubble can get much bigger!

Patrick: Nonsense! [inflates the giant bubble with a bicycle pump]

Krusty Krab Training Video [3.10b]

Narrator: But for every good employee, there is one who is not so good. [about Squidward] Let's see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!" button. There's a name for employees like this, but we'll call him... "Squidward".

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Squidward: Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else.

Narrator: Ah-ah-ah, Squidward, remember what Mr. Krabs says.

Mr. Krabs: The money is always right!

Patrick: The ceiling is right, Squidward. You're not a very good employee.

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Plankton: [as he is getting picked up by Mr. Krabs; in a high-pitched voice] Felicitations, malefactors! I am in town to find my minions! And I just know how to speak their lang- [Mr. Krabs flicks him outside the Krusty Krab] AAH!

Party Pooper Pants [3.11]

Patrick: [reading his name tag that says, "HELLO, MY NAME IS PATRICK" upside down] Kirtap si eman, Y, M, O, 77, eh. I don't get it.

Mr. Krabs: No, you dumb bunny! It says "Hello, my name is Patrick"!

Patrick: [shakes his hand] Nice to meet you, Patrick!

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[looking at discussion cards]

Mr. Krabs: What does yours say, Plankton?

Plankton: Um... Oh, yes. "Discuss the secret formula for the Krabby Patty." [the card actually reads, "Where are you from?"] Ahem... How interesting.

Mr. Krabs: Nice try, Plankton.

Episode 12

Chocolate with Nuts [3.12a]

[SpongeBob rings the doorbell and the same con-artist who sold them a bunch of candy bar bags appears.]

Con-artist: Yes?

SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?

Con-artist: I don't recall, but it looks to me that you boys have a lot of bags there. You two ladykillers are too smart to be without one of my patented candy-bar-bag-carrying bags.

Patrick: We'll take 20!

---

SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.

[Patrick knocks on the door. Incidental 60 opens the door]

Incidental 60: Hello?

Patrick: I love you. [A harp plays as the customer slams his door shut in disgust]

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SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, focus. [knocks]

Incidental 37B: Yes?

SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.

[Patrick's eyes zoom in and out on the customer]

Incidental 37B: Why is Chubby here staring at me?

Patrick: Focusing.

Incidental 37B: Back up, Jack! [slams the door on Patrick's eyes]

Patrick: Oof! [moves his eyes around] Nice place you got in here.

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V [3.12b]

Barnacle Boy: I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra!

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TV narrator: A subsidiary of Viacom.

Episode 13

New Student Starfish [3.13a]

SpongeBob: [holding in laughter] Patrick.

Patrick: [also holding in laughter] What?

SpongeBob: I thought of something funnier then 24.

Patrick: Let me hear it.

SpongeBob: 25.

---

Mrs. Puff: What about the teacher? [grabs Patrick's drawing of her. She then appears identical to Patrick's drawing] As if I really look like this!

Clams [3.13b]

[The Jaws theme plays]

Mr. Krabs: Oh no. SpongeBob, quick, reel it in! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor! Every sailor knows that means death!

Ugh [3.13]

Patchy: Like I was saying, prehistoric times were the greatest. It was a simpler time with simpler pleasures. Your clothes always match. [cut to Patchy with a paintbrush] You can draw on the walls and nobody would yell at ya. [holds up a club] It was much easier to hit a baseball. Oh yeah, prehistoric times were the best.

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Narrator: Hooray. It looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire, but they will soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned.

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Potty: Just When to Show you, there's no hard feelings and I got you a present from prehistoric times.

Patchy: Oh, What is It, A New Loincloth?

Potty: No.

Patchy: An Enlarged Forehead?

Potty: No.

Patchy: Oh, What is it?! [Potty opens the door, revealing a T-rex, which growls at Patchy. Patchy screams, his eyes bugging out, he runs out, the t-rex giving chase] Potty! [he continues screaming as he runs off. Potty watches from the window, with popcorn and a soda]

Potty: [squawk] This is great. [the dinosaur has grabbed Patchy, who screams. Patchy is on his side, his feet inside the t-rex's jaws]

Patchy: Well, thanks for watching SpongeBob B.C. kids. Bye! [he continues screaming, then laughing] Now he's tickling! Cut it out, you rascal! [he continues laughing]

Episode 15

The Great Snail Race [3.15a]

Squidward: Snelly's a purebred.

Patrick: Wow, a snail made out of bread!

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Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, I bet you can’t tell me the difference between a cow and the Holocaust.

SpongeBob: Hmmm…

Patrick: You can’t milk a cow for 70 years.

Mid-Life Crustacean [3.15b]

Mr. Krabs: You guys wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the aft! I'm going home! You guys ain't cool, you're lame!!

SpongeBob: [gasps] Lame?!

Mr. Krabs: Lame! You're NERDS! GEEKS! CREEPS! And BABIES!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Not 'babies!' [suck their thumbs]

Mr. Krabs: I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night! So good night to ya! [starts to leave]

Patrick: I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid.

Mr. Krabs: The what?

Patrick: I said, "I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid."

Mr. Krabs: Panty raid? [walks back to them] You're talkin' about girls, right? [pause] Girl girls...?

Patrick: Yeah.

Mr. Krabs: And you're talking about raiding their dressers... for their underpants, right?

Patrick: Oh, yeah.

Mr. Krabs: Well, count me in! If this works, I'll take back what I said about you two bein' lame!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Not lame!

---

Mr. Krabs: We used to beat people up for saying things like that! Everything's all topsy-turvy now.

Episode 16

Born Again Krabs [3.16a]

SpongeBob: Wait just a burger-flipping second! [Flying Dutchman turns around]

The Flying Dutchman: [angrily] Who dares back-sass the Flying Dutchman!?!

SpongeBob: That would be me: SpongeBob BacksassPants.

I Had an Accident [3.16b]

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy. Watch me do the Grouchy Squidward.

Squidward: Stop naming moves after me.

SpongeBob: [imitating Squidward] Everyone's an idiot except for me!

Squidward: Well, it's true. [drinks tea]

---

Sandy: That is it, SquarePants! We're gonna find you something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside.

Sandy: Trampoline!

Patrick: Ice cream!

Sandy: Underwater surfing!

Patrick: Two ice creams!

Sandy: Ferris wheel!

Patrick: [the two ice creams are now melting] Still two ice creams!

Sandy: Clam wrestling!

Patrick: [washes an old man in a tub] Washing an old person!

Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun.

Old man: It is for me!

Sandy: Nothing's working, Patrick!

Patrick: What do we do?

Old man: I say we take a bath!

SpongeBob: Is it too late to go back inside yet? [the gorilla rips SpongeBob in half]

1st half of SpongeBob: It's too late. [the gorilla screeches] Patrick? Sandy?

Patrick and Sandy: [still in the bag] Yes, SpongeBob?

1st half of SpongeBob: I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore. [eye shrinks] But I'm terrified of gorillas now.

Sandy: [shaken] Ah, that's okay, SpongeBob. Us too.

1st half of SpongeBob: You know what I don't understand though? [move over to the second half of SpongeBob]

2nd half of SpongeBob: What?

1st half of SpongeBob: What's a gorilla doing underwater in the first place? [the gorilla's eyes widen once he realizes this]

Gorilla: [man's voice] Oh! Well, it's funny you should, I mean, you see, George, they're on to us! [A zebra rushes onto the screen]

George: Let's get outta here! [the gorilla gets on George and rides away with him. Patrick, Sandy, and the two halves of SpongeBob are watching the gorilla ride on George into the sunset. Text reads: The End. The screen zooms out to reveal a live-action family watching the episode on TV in confusion. The father turns to the mother and gives her a confused look. He shakes his head, and eventually turns off the TV.]

Episode 17

Krabby Land [3.17a]

SpongeBob: You said you would bring Krabby the Clown. But all I saw out there was... Cheapy the Cheapskate!

Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! [rubs the clown nose on his shirt, which turns red] Now, put this tomato in the oven before it spoils.

---

SpongeBob: Gee, I wonder what Mr. Krabs has been up to since I saw him last and then went home to do nothing of particular interest 'til this very moment'.

The Camping Episode [3.17b]

Squidward: Well, I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub. I suppose you two are going to stew up some twigs and rocks.

SpongeBob: Nope, we've got something even better! Marshmallows! [holds up a bag of marshmallows, takes one and eats it] Mmm-mmm! Just like the astronauts eat!

---

Squidward: Are you crazy? A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!

Both: No! [the sea bear comes back and resumes mauling Squidward]

SpongeBob: Don't run! Sea bears hate that!

Squidward: Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just limp home, then.

Both: No! [the sea bear comes back and resumes mauling Squidward]

SpongeBob: They hate limping more than running!

Squidward: Well, I guess I'll just have... [the sea bear comes back and resumes mauling Squidward]

SpongeBob: I should have warned you about crawling! [the sea bear comes back and resumes mauling Squidward]

Squidward: What'd I do that time?

SpongeBob: I don't know, I guess he just doesn't like you!

Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else!

SpongeBob: Here, draw a circle! [tosses Squidward the stick]

Squidward: Okay! [the sea bear comes back and resumes mauling Squidward]

SpongeBob: That was an oval! It has to be a circle!

Episode 18

Plankton's Army [3.18a]

Plankton: Can I have the secret formula?

Mr. Krabs: No.

Plankton: Okay. [walks away]

Mr. Krabs: [voiceover] But he was persistent!

Plankton: [comes back] Pretty please?

Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh.

Missing Identity [3.18b]

SpongeBob: The most important meal of the day; serving it up Gary's way! Baa! Enjoy buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years and I don't even know what it tastes like. [tastes the snail food; his face turns green] Bleah! [Echoes]

[In snail food headquarters]

Woman: What is it, Peterson?

Peterson: I don't know, I feel... a disturbance.

Patrick: Sorry, people.

Betty: You've managed to kill eleven minutes.

The Sponge Who Could Fly [3.19]

Narrator: Last week, a never-before-seen episode of SpongeBob SquarePants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch the SpongeBob SquarePants Lost Episode. [an aerial shot of the town appears] Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate.

---

Patchy: That's it? That's the Lost Episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles!

Potty: What a rip.

Patchy: SpongeBob betrayed us! [throws away SpongeBob merchandise] I'm sorry I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place. I'm gonna get rid of all my SpongeBob stuff. All of it! All of it! All of it! I'm gonna run away, that's what I'll do, run away! [runs out the door crying]

Potty: Sheesh, what a hothead.

Announcer: And now, the real lost episode!

Potty: Patchy, come back! There's more!

Patchy: Really? [shuts the door while reentering again, quickly going in reverse, completely undoing his rage, then sits back down] Hooray! Let's watch!

---

SpongeBob: "Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!

Fish: No, they didn't.

---

SpongeBob: I guess I spoke too soon.

Episode 20

SpongeBob Meets the Strangler [3.20a]

SpongeBob: [looking at the clock] Wait for it…

Computer Voice: On Time Percentage - 100%

Squidward: Another day, another migraine. [laughs] Mi–

Computer Voice: On Time Percentage - 12%

Squidward: –graine. [laughs]

---

Tattletale Strangler: Oh, forget the key! Let's climb through this window. I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, kid?

SpongeBob: [SpongeBob is wearing cleats] Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible! [jumps onto the Strangler]

Tattletale Strangler: Cleats?! [SpongeBob's feet land on the Strangler's eyeballs. The Strangler screams in pain] Get your feet out of my eye sockets!

SpongeBob: I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!

---

SpongeBob: So, Patrick’s the strangler? Gee, do you think you know a guy?

Tattletale Strangler: HE’S NOT THE STRANGLER!

SpongeBob: He’s not?!

Tattletale Strangler: [rips off the fake mustache] I AM!

Pranks a Lot [3.20b]

SpongeBob: Wow, invisible spray!

Patrick: [looking confused] But I can see it.

Cast

• Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, Narrator, Old Man, Fish #83, Flower 2, Old Man Jenkins, Gary, Old Man, Police, Astronaut, Mrs. Puff's Dad, Writer, Fish #3, Fish #4, Jellyfish, Mad Fish, Skater Fish, Fish #1, Old Fish, Tall Fish, Line Fish #1, TV Announcer, Patchy, Announcer, Elderly Woman's Mom, Maitred, Geek Fish, Pillow Fish, Dirty Bubble, Fish #1, Robot, Choir, Old Fish #2, Scout, Old Fish, Pinch-o-matic, Peterson, Cousin #1, Grandpa SquarePants, Fish #86, Fish #1, Geek Fish, Poo Fish, Eyeball #1
• Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick, Copy #1, Moses, Fish 12, Fish #48, Fish #2, Octa-Skeleton, Spitoon Server, Big Crab, Clerk, Roger, Cavey, Choir, Mail Fish, Angry Fish, Cook, Patrick's Grandpa, Vendor Fish, Fish #1, Fish #2
• Rodger Bumpass as Squidward, Fish 4, Teen 1, Doctor, Professor, Doc, Daddy, Big Fish, Smart Fish, Diver Dick, Choir, Mayor, Deejay, Jake, Doctor, Phone Fish, Gym Fish
• Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Eyeball #2, Fish #4
• Lori Alan as Pearl, Girl Fish #2
• Mr. Lawrence as Plankton, Larry the Lobster, Hillbilly Fish, Fish 3, Hillbilly Fish, Announcer, Fish #41, Reporter, Cop #1, Mayor, Teller, Reporter, Reporter, Tomato, Fish #2, Salad Fish, Lou, Fish #2, Chocolate Fish, Announcer, Fish #6, Hick Fish, Fish #1, Choir, Fish #1, Mickey, Vendor, Librarian, Old Man Jenkins, Fish #27, Fish #40, Fish #1, Bank Robber, Anchor, Hair Piece Fish, Fish #1, News Fish
• Dee Bradley Baker as Fish #41, Drowning Man, Seamonster, Spitting Fish, Wish Fish 1, Pilot, Ranger, Flats' Dad, Bathroom Fish, Priest, Angry Man, Customer 1, Ghost, Trash Fish, Paramedic, Mailfish, Pilot, Criminal, Health Inspector, Guard #2, Garbage Man, Truck Fish, Vendor, Roach, Fish #1, Fish #2, Umbrella Fish, Fish #4, Smitty, Business Fish, New Narrator, Delivery Fish, Mr. Doodle, Fish #1, Short Fish, Commercial Announcer, Squilliam, Appetizer, Fish #4, Fish #10, Animatronic Server, Fish #2, Vendor Fish, Fish #2, Computerized Voice, Scallop, Worm, Baby Fish, Customer, Hoopla Fish, Husband Fish, Fish #1, Officer Dude Fish, Late Fish, Con Fish, Fish #2, Fish #3, Fish #5, Fish #1, Mail Fish, Southern Fish, Teen Fish #2, Restaurant Anchovy, Sandals, Clam, Monster, Choir, Announcer, Referee, Snellie, Old Fish #1, Hotrod Fish, Old Woman #2, Fish #37, Krabby Patty, Fish #60, Fish #1, Iron Butt Fish, Horse, Sea Bear, Sea Rhino, Robot, Clem, Cousin #3, Farmer Jenkins, Fish #376, Fish #92, Fish #41, TV Announcer, Cop #1, Drycleaner, Shop Keeper, Fish #3, Smell Fish, Time Fish, Surfer, Toast Fish
• Sirena Irwin as Annette, Old Lady, Fish #152, Magic Conch, Fish 5, Teen 2, Flower 1, Woman Fish, Cop #2, Prisoner #1, Cop #1, Prisoner #2, Mrs. SquarePants, Hat Fish, Girl Fish #1, Girl Fish #2, Fish #3, Kid Fish, Minnie Mermaid, Wife Fish, O'Malley, Lady Fish, Lady Fish #2, Elderly Fish, Squid Lady, Lady Fish, Teen Fish #1, Choir, Old Woman Fish #1, Mom, Girl Fish #1, Nurse, Fish #42, Fish #1, Mom, Girl Fish #7, Fish #6, Fat Mom, Woman Fish #1, Woman Fish #2, Whoopie Cushion, Fish #5, Cop #2, Robot
• Tom Wilson as Customer #1, Customer #2, Flats, Cop #2, Johnny, Donna, Reg, Customer #1, Tough Fish, Bald Fish, Fish #3, Clerk Fish, Fish #4, Patrick's Father, Football Fish, Fish #2, Monroe, Waitress, Customer, Boss, Strangler
• Carlos Alazraqui as Surfer, Fish #107, Shark Dad, Dude Fish, Fish #1, Kevin Fish, Janitor, Guard #1, Prisoner #3, Late Fish
• Sara Paxton as Baby Fish, Kid Fish, Kid Fish, Kid Fish #1, Kid Fish, Kid Fish #1
• Tom Welker as Mystery
• Mary Jo Catlett as Mrs. Puff
• Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy, Helen
• Steve Kehela as TV Narrator, Narrator
• Ernest Borgnine as Mermaid Man
• Tim Conway as Barnacle Boy
• Susan Boyajin as Nurse, Wife, Cop #3, Lady Fish #1, Elderly Woman
• Kent Osborne as Weenie #2, Stunt Robot, Fish #41, Clown
• Paul Tibbitt as Weenie #1, Fisherman, Mama Krabs
• Rodney Bingenheimer as The DJ
• Sergio Restie as King Neptune
• Kevin Michael Richardson as King Neptune
• Stephen Hillenburg as Potty, Miner
• John Rhys Davis as Man Ray
• Martin Olsen as Chief
• Jonathan Silsby as Pupeteer
• Mark "Biz" Burke as Stunt Dancer
• Dennis Hoerter as Stagehead
• Jesse David Corti as Kid Fish #2, Boy Fish #103, Boy Fish #151, Kid Fish #2
• Brian Doyle Murray as Flying Dutchman
• Frank Welker as Gorilla
• Andre Sugliuzzo as Stunt Gorilla
• Scott Heathcote as Dad
• Dale Horowitz as Mom
• Roxanne Sarlak as Girl
• Christian Trimble as Boy
• Austin Stout as Kid #1
• Jill Talley as Karen, Cousin #2, Cousin #4
• Paul Lutz as Store Clerk
• Dylan Haggerty as Newscaster
• Jeanette Miller as Mrs. Johnson