SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3
- Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run | Main
SpongeBob SquarePants (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned a movie, followed by several short films, and video games.
The Algae's Always Greener (1.1)
- [Karen projects holographic meatloaf, Plankton pokes it with a fork]
- Plankton: Oh, goodie. Holographic meatloaf again. [slams his fists on a table] When do I get to have some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's as big as a whale!
SpongeGuard on Duty (1.2)
- SpongeBob: I'm every bit as cool as Larry and if I'm not, let me be struck by... [lightning flashes overhead] ... A flying ice cream truck. [the "flying ice cream truck" plummets in his direction] AND LIVE! [The actually flying ice cream truck stops just above SpongeBob, then drops onto him gently]
- Larry: [through megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.
Club SpongeBob (2.1)
- SpongeBob: Magic Conch? What do we do to escape the kelp forest?
- Magic Conch: Nothing.
- Patrick: The shell has spoken!
- Squidward: NOTHING?! We can't just sit here and do nothing! [sees that they are doing nothing; groans angrily]
My Pretty Seahorse (2.2)
- Mr. Krabs: Believe me, boy. I know what its like to lose a friend.
- SpongeBob: Really, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: I was five years old, me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar...loved it like a brother.
- SpongeBob: What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: Then one day, at the beach, [starts to sob] IT WAS SO HOOOOT... and I was so thirsty, I spent it on a soda...! Uhhuhhuhhuh... MY BEST FRIEND!!!
Just One Bite (3.1)
- SpongeBob: Hey, everyone! Squidward says he doesn't like Krabby Patties! Haw!
- [Everyone laughs]
- Squidward: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
- SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say.
- Customers: ..."The only people, who don't like a Krabby Patty, have never tasted one"!
The Bully (3.2)
- SpongeBob: Hi. I'm SpongeBob!
- Flats: Hi, SpongeBob. I'm gonna kick your butt.
- SpongeBob: [gasps, then giggles] That joke was almost funnier the second time!
- Flats: No, I mean it.
- SpongeBob: [giggles again] That time it almost seemed like... [Flats tears off his chest hair revealing "I MEAN IT".] You really did mean it.
Nasty Patty (4.1)
- Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
- SpongeBob: Duped!
- Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
- SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
- Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
- Squidward: How are you doing that?
- SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet.
- Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?
- Patrick: Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.
- SpongeBob: And... imagination! [forms a rainbow with his hands]
- Squidward: Are you trying to say I have no imagination?! I have more... "imagination" in 1 tentacle than you 2 have in your whole bodies!
- Patrick: That's good! Now all you need is a box.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV (V.I)
- [The two are trying to reverse the effects of a shrink ray on Mermaid Man's utility belt]
- Patrick: You know what the problem is?
- SpongeBob: What?
- Patrick: You got it set to "M" for "mini"... [turns the "M" on the belt upside down] ...When it should be set to "W" for "wumbo"!
- SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think "wumbo" is a real word.
- Patrick: Come on! You know. I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me, wumbo! Wumbo, wumboing ...
- Squidward: [thinking] I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.
- Patrick: ...Wumbology - the study of wumbo?! It's first grade, Spongebob!
- Spongebob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.
Doing Time (5.2)
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to rob the bank]
- SpongeBob: Alright! Put the money. In. The. Bag! PUT IT IN!
- Bank Teller: Umm, you're facing the wrong way, sir.
- SpongeBob: [turns around, laughing] ALRIGHT, GIVE ME THE MONEY!!!
- Bank Teller: Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?
- SpongeBob: Uhh, savings.
- Bank Teller: May I please see some identification?
- SpongeBob: Sure. [gives him a card] Here ya go.
- Bank Teller: Thank you. [The card is shown to be SpongeBob's Jellyfishers Club Membership card; SpongeBob gives Patrick a thumbs up] Sir, we are showing a balance of $0.00 for both of your accounts.
- SpongeBob: Oh.
- Bank Teller: Next!
Snowball Effect (6.1)
- SpongeBob: Squidward! You're just in time to enlist in my army! Join me, and we'll defeat the Pink Menace!
- Patrick: That's me!
- Squidward: Thanks but no thanks Major Stupidity. You and General Nonsense over there will have to fight without me!
One Krab's Trash (6.2)
- Patrick: That looks like a toilet plunger I threw out yesterday!
- Mr. Krabs: That ain't no toilet plunger! This here's an antique! It's, um... uh... [turns the rubber part of the plunger upside-down] ...A 17th-century soup ladle, see?
- Patrick: Wow, was I using mine wrong! How much?
- Mr. Krabs: $5.
- Patrick: I've only got $7.
- Mr. Krabs: Deal.
- Patrick: Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.
As Seen on T.V. (7.1)
- Mr. Krabs: What in Neptune's name is going on?!
- Squidward: We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: What you're doing is throwing away me money! I told you to rent, only, what is absolutely necessary!
- Squidward: This is all necessary!
- Mr. Krabs: Then what's that useless junk?!
- Squidward: That's the useless junk for scene, uh... 28.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh well, then how do you explain that? [sees another Krusty Krab] A second Krusty Krab?!
- Squidward: Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy!
- Mr. Krabs: Well, you got me there. But why do we need him? [points to a clownfish]
- Squidward: This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs.
Can You Spare a Dime? (7.2)
- Squidward: [to SpongeBob, after quitting] You know, there's something I've been wanting to tell you from the day we first met - goodbye.
No Weenies Allowed (8.1)
- Sandy: Back in Texas, we call ice cream "frozen cow juice."
Squilliam Returns (8.2)
- Squidward: Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. [He imagines Squilliam as a hot underwear model.] OH NO, HE'S HOT!
Krab Borg (9.1)
- SpongeBob: There you go! Enjoy your– Say, you're not a robot, are you?
- Customer: No... I'm not.
- SpongeBob: Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere.
Rock-a-Bye Bivalve (9.2)
- SpongeBob: Patrick, breakfast is ready.
- Patrick: All right. All this parenting stuff makes me hungry. [lifts the table to gobble up food, then burps] Hey, Junior. How you doing today? [smells the stink] SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick.
- Patrick: Kid's got a stinky.
- SpongeBob: Can you take care of him? My hands are kind of full.
- Patrick: [Drinks a coffee while Junior begins to cry] Wish I could, but I'm gotta get going.
- SpongeBob: Going? Where are you going?
- Patrick: Going to work. I'm the dad, remember?
- SpongeBob: You mean I have to do this baby stuff myself?
- Patrick: I'll give you the break when I get home. Don't you stop being adorable. [laughs as he close the door]
- SpongeBob: Okay…
- [SpongeBob dips his brush into one of the cans of paint and tentatively approaches one of the walls]
- SpongeBob: All right, Patrick, let's get started painting this wall, with the permanent paint that we're not allowed to get on anything but the wall! Well... here we go. [A time card reading "One hour later" appears on the screen]
- Narrator: One hour later...
- SpongeBob: [sweating profusely] Just a few more seconds of mental preparation, and I'll be painting this wall. [The next time card reads "Two hours later"]
- Narrator: Two hours later... [SpongeBob is still standing in the same spot, and not a drop of paint has touched the wall]
- SpongeBob: I'm getting to the painting. [The next time card reads "Three hours later"]
- Narrator: Three hours later...
- Patrick: [pulls the time card out of the scene] Could you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.
Krusty Krab Training Video (10.2)
- Narrator: But for every good employee, there is one who is not so good. [about Squidward] Let's see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!" button. There's a name for employees like this, but we'll call him... "Squidward".
- Patrick: [reading his name tag that says, "HELLO, MY NAME IS PATRICK" upside down] Kirtap si eman, Y, M, O, 77, eh. I don't get it.
- Mr. Krabs: No, you dumb bunny! It says "Hello, my name is Patrick"!
- Patrick: [shakes his hand] Nice to meet you, Patrick!
- [looking at discussion cards]
- Mr. Krabs: What does yours say, Plankton?
- Plankton: Um... Oh, yes. "Discuss the secret formula for the Krabby Patty." [the card actually reads, "Where are you from?"] Ahem... How interesting.
- Mr. Krabs: Nice try, Plankton.
- [SpongeBob rings the doorbell and the same con-artist who sold them a bunch of candy bar bags appears.]
- Con-artist: Yes?
- SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
- Con-artist: I don't recall, but it looks to me that you boys have a lot of bags there. You two ladykillers are too smart to be without one of my patented candy-bar-bag-carrying bags.
- Patrick: We'll take 20!
- Barnacle Boy: I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra!
- SpongeBob: [holding in laughter] Patrick.
- Patrick: [also holding in laughter] What?
- SpongeBob: I thought of something funnier then 24.
- Patrick: Let me hear it.
- SpongeBob: 25.
Ugh (Episode 14)
- Patchy: Like I was saying, prehistoric times were the greatest. It was a simpler time with simpler pleasures. Your clothes always match. [cut to Patchy with a paintbrush] You can draw on the walls and nobody would yell at ya. [holds up a club] It was much easier to hit a baseball. Oh yeah, prehistoric times were the best.
Narrator: Hooray. It looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire, but they will soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned.
- Squidward: Snelly's a purebred.
- Patrick: Wow, a snail made out of bread!
- Mr. Krabs: You guys wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the aft! I'm going home! You guys ain't cool, you're lame!!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Lame?!
- Mr. Krabs: Lame! You're NERDS! GEEKS! CREEPS! And BABIES!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Not 'babies!' [suck their thumbs]
- Mr. Krabs: I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night! So good night to ya! [starts to leave]
- Patrick: I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid.
- Mr. Krabs: The what?
- Patrick: I said, "I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid."
- Mr. Krabs: "Panty raid"? [walks back to them] You're talkin' about girls, right? [pause] Girl girls...?
- Patrick: Yeah.
- Mr. Krabs: And you're talking about raiding their dressers... for their underpants, right?
- Patrick: Oh, yeah.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, count me in! If this works, I'll take back what I said about you two bein' lame!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Not lame!
Born Again Krabs (16.1)
- SpongeBob: Wait just a burger-flipping second! [Flying Dutchman turns around]
- The Flying Dutchman: [angrily] Who dares back-sass the Flying Dutchman!?!
- SpongeBob: That would be me: SpongeBob BacksassPants.
I Had an Accident (16.2)
- SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy. Watch me do the Grouchy Squidward.
- Squidward: Stop naming moves after me.
- SpongeBob: [imitating Squidward] Everyone's an idiot except for me!
- Squidward: Well, it's true. [drinks tea]
Krabby Land (17.1)
- SpongeBob: You said you would bring Krabby the Clown. But all I saw out there was... Cheapy the Cheapskate!
- Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! [rubs the clown nose on his shirt, which turns red] Now, put this tomato in the oven before it spoils.
- Squidward: Well, I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub. I suppose you two are going to stew up some twigs and rocks.
- SpongeBob: Nope, we've got something even better! Marshmallows! [holds up a bag of marshmallows, takes one and eats it] Mmmm-mmmm! Just like the astronauts eat!
Missing Identity (18.1)
- SpongeBob: The most important meal of the day; serving it up Gary's way! Baa! Enjoy buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years and I don't even know what it tastes like. [tastes the snail food; his face turns green] Bleah! *Echos*
- [In snail food headquarters]
- Woman: What is it, Peterson?
- Peterson: I don't know, I feel... a disturbance.
Plankton's Army (18.2)
- Plankton: Can I have the secret formula?
- Mr. Krabs: No.
- Plankton: Okay. [walks away]
- Mr. Krabs: [voiceover] But he was persistent!
- Plankton: [comes back] Pretty please?
- Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh.
- Narrator: Last week, a never-before-seen episode of SpongeBob SquarePants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch the SpongeBob SquarePants Lost Episode. [an aerial shot of the town appears] Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate.
- Patchy: That's it? That's the Lost Episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles!
- Potty: What a rip.
- Patchy: SpongeBob betrayed us! [throws away SpongeBob merchandise] I'm sorry I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place. I'm gonna get rid of all my SpongeBob stuff. All of it! All of it! All of it! I'm gonna run away, that's what I'll do, run away! [runs out the door crying]
- Potty: Sheesh, what a hothead.
- Announcer: And now, the real lost episode!
- Potty: Patchy, come back! There's more!
- Patchy: Really? [shuts the door while reentering again, quickly going in reverse, completely undoing his rage, then sits back down] Hooray! Let's watch!
- SpongeBob: "Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!
- Fish: No, they didn't.
SpongeBob Meets the Strangler (20.1)
- SpongeBob: [looking at the clock] Wait for it…
- Computer Voice: On Time Percentage - 100%
- Squidward: Another day, another migraine. [laughs] Mi–
- Computer Voice: On Time Percentage - 12%
- Squidward: –graine.
Pranks a Lot (20.2)
- SpongeBob: Wow, invisible spray!
- Patrick: [looking confused] But I can see it.