SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3

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SpongeBob SquarePants Season 3

Episode 1[edit]

The Algae's Always Greener (1.1)[edit]

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, where are you!? Shield me with your forehead!

[Karen projects holographic meatloaf, Plankton pokes it with a fork]
Plankton: Oh, goodie. Holographic meatloaf again. [slams fist on table] When do I get to have some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's as big as a whale!

Mr. Plankton: All mine... it's finally all mine... the patties, the wealth, the noteriety, the-- [notices Alternate-Dimension Spongebob] SpongeBob, what are you doing here?
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: Um... well, sir, just that it's Tuesday again and I was hoping for... my... [quickly] ...Weekly performance review.
(Mr.) Plankton: 'Review'?
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: Oh, yes! Please, sir! Please!
(Mr.) Plankton: But I've never reviewed anything... except for those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.

Nat: You...!
(Mr.) Plankton: Me!?
Nat: You think this is funny?!
(Mr.) Plankton: In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Nat: [holding what looks like a "normal" Krabby Patty] Well, Mr. Funnyman... is this how you get your sick kicks?
(Mr.) Plankton: What? It's just an ordinary Krabby-- [zoom in the patty to reveal that it has grossed-out things] Oh, my goodness! SQUIDWARD!
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: I tried, Mr. Plankton... I really did.
(Mr.) Plankton: Oh, what now?!
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda and I gave him a large! I GAVE HIM A LARGE! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! Soiled it, soiled it, soiled it, soiled it, soiled it...! [continues]
(Mr.) Plankton: [points finger at Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob] I command you to stop that. Stop that and return to your post! [pokes at Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob] Where's the off button on this thing?!
Alternate-Dimension Pearl: That's it, daddy! I've decided I'm going to run away! Run away and find a new daddy!
(Mr.) Plankton: Make it stop!! [an alarm goes off] What? Did I say the secret word?

Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: But sir, there's gotta be something I need to improve on. ANYTHING!
(Mr.) Plankton: All right, the sauce.
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: [takes a step back] ...What?
(Mr.) Plankton: The sauce, I don't know. You're using too much sauce, okay? Review's over. [Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob's eyes grow squinted and slanted, lips become distorted, and starts to spasm back and forth with his arms, making noises as if he's about to sob] What? [more stuttering] What's the matter with you? All I said was a "little too much sauce", it's no big deal, really. [more stuttering] What do you want from me? A promotion?!
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: [turns instantly normal] A pro-! A promo-! A promotion?!
(Mr.) Plankton: Eeh, sure, kid. You're, uh... you're on register now.
Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: [a lit fuse having appeared on his head as if he were a bomb] [gasps] Register! [explodes]
(Mr.) Plankton: Glad that's over.

Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: Victory screech!

Alternate-Dimension SpongeBob: Phone call, Mr. Plankton.

(Mr.) Plankton: I don't understand, is there a gas leak in here?

Plankton: AAAAHHH!! [rips off shirt] It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy.
Note: This episode is focused on Plankton.

SpongeGuard on Duty (1.2)[edit]

Larry: [on being a lifeguard] You know, SpongeBob, the girls and the big chair are great, but the best part is knowing that you're the only thing standing between these good people.
Crowd: [cuts to annual hot dog chug, then back] GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO...!
Larry: ...And a watery grave and that's what it's all about. Their lives are in your hands now... 'cause I got a date with a tanning booth!

SpongeBob: I'm every bit as cool as Larry and if I'm not, let me be struck by... [lightning flashes overhead] ...A flying ice cream truck. [the "flying ice cream truck" plummets in his direction] AND LIVE! [The actually flying ice cream truck stops just above SpongeBob, then drops onto him gently]
Larry: [through megaphone] Please, do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.

Patrick: Being a lifeguard is so dumb! All they do is blow, blow, blow on their stupid whistles, rub, rub, rub that white stuff on their noses, and show off their gross misshapen bodies!! [Patrick's enormous belly pops into view]
Fish: Dude, put that thing away! There are, like, children here!
Patrick: [tucks his belly into his pants, then his feet triple in size] (angrily) I'm going to the snack bar.

SpongeBob: Besides, what's the worst that can happen? [imagines everybody in the lake turning into tombstones] AAAAHHHHHH!!! [runs into the lifeguard tower, rings the bell, and activates his Ghost Driver] EMERGENCY! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WATER! HURRY! EMERGENCY! OUT OF THE WATER! [the entire crowd runs out of the water] EMERGENCY!

Patrick: (inside Spongebob) HELP! I'm drowning, I've got butt cramps, I still want ice cream and now it's DARK!

Episode 2[edit]

Club SpongeBob (2.1)[edit]

SpongeBob, Patrick: [singing] Welcome to our club! Welcome to our club! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squidward! Welcome Squid...!

SpongeBob: Aw, cheer up Squid, it could be worse!
Patrick: Yeah, you could be bald and have a big nose.

Squidward: I'll have you know, I am a member of over twenty exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom!
Patrick: What'd he say?
SpongeBob: I don't know, something about his nose?
Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will never fit in!

SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell, will I ever get married?
Magic Conch: Maybe someday.

Squidward: Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery? (An inside joke about the length of many SpongeBob episodes)

SpongeBob: Magic Conch? What do we do to escape the kelp forest?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
Patrick: The shell has spoken!
Squidward: NOTHING?! We can't just sit here and do nothing! [sees that they are doing nothing; groans angrily]

Squidward: Uh, hello there. Magic Conch, uh, I was wondering... uh, should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
Magic Conch: Neither.
Squidward: Oh, then... how about the soup?
Magic Conch: I don't think so.
Squidward: Could I have anything to eat?
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: "No"?! What do you mean "no"!? I'm starving here!
Patrick: [takes Magic Conch] Here, let me try. Magic Conch, could Squidward have some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
Magic Conch: No.
Patrick: Hmm... could I have this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
Magic Conch: Yes.
Patrick: ALL RIGHT! [eats sandwich like a vacuum cleaner; belches] ...Sorry, Squidward.
Squidward: Give me that! [takes it back] Could I have something to eat?
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?!
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?!
Magic Conch: No.
Squidward: Can't you say anything else but "no"?!
Magic Conch: Try asking again.
Squidward: Can I have something to eat?
Magic Conch: [mockingly] No!

Forest Ranger: All right, Magic Conch, what do we do now?
Magic Conch: Nothing.
SpongeBob, Patrick and Forest Ranger: All hail the Magic Conch! (sit down and do nothing)
Squidward: [looks defeated and exhausted] ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!! [sits down with them]

My Pretty Seahorse (2.2)[edit]

Mr. Krabs: Believe me, boy. I know what its like to lose a friend.
SpongeBob: Really, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I was five years old, me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar...loved it like a brother.
SpongeBob: What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Then one day, at the beach, [starts to sob] IT WAS SO HOT... and I was so thirsty, I spent it on a soda...! Uhhuhhuhhuh... MY BEST FRIEND!!!

Episode 3[edit]

Just One Bite (3.1)[edit]

Squidward: [hands a customer his tray of food] Here you go, sir. A King Size Ultra Krabby Supreme with the works, double batter fried... [puts a stick into the food] ...On a stick.
Harold: Thanks! [walks off]
Squidward: Barnacle head.
Harold: [coming back] Pardon me?
Squidward: [holds up a mayonnaise bottle] You forgot your mayonnaise. [sets it on the Harold’s tray]
Harold: Thanks. [walks off and sits at his table]

SpongeBob: Hey, everyone! Squidward says he doesn't like Krabby Patties! Haw!
[Everyone laughs]
Squidward: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say.
Customers: ..."The only people, who don't like a Krabby Patty, have never tasted one"!

SpongeBob: [trying to get Squidward to eat a Krabby Patty] If you try it, you'll love it!
Squidward: Try one of those radioactive sludge balls you call food? Next, I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick!
SpongeBob: [to Patrick, who is dressed as a cowboy] Sorry, Patrick. [Patrick whimpers and walks away]

SpongeBob: But it's good for you.
Squidward: Good for you? That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
SpongeBob: No, Squidward, I meant... good for your soul. [A halo appears over Spongebob's head, and a heavenly background is displayed. An angelic choir is heard singing serenely]
Squidward: Oh, puh-lease! I have no soul. [Background turns to flames; an evil, demonic laugh is heard. Squidward gets a shocked look on his face]

SpongeBob: [holding the Krabby Patty out to Squidward while Squidward is in the restroom] Just smell it!
Squidward: If I didn't want it out there, what makes you think I find it more appealing... IN HERE!?!

Squidward: [snatching the Krabby Patty away] Give me that! When I die, you stay away from my funeral.

The Bully (3.2)[edit]

SpongeBob: Hi. I'm SpongeBob!
Flats: Hi, SpongeBob. I'm gonna kick your butt.
SpongeBob: [gasps, then giggles] That joke was almost funnier the second time!
Flats: No, I mean it.
SpongeBob: [giggles again] That time it almost seemed like... [Flats tears off his chest hair revealing "I MEAN IT".] You really did mean it.

SpongeBob: Why would Flats want to kick my butt? I didn't say 2 words to the guy.
[Flashback]
SpongeBob: Hi. I'm SpongeBob!
[Present]
SpongeBob: 1, 2... Oh, no, that's 3! What am I gonna do?

SpongeBob: Hey Flats, you feeling better?
Flats: W... wh-hat...? Where am I?
Doctor: Why, you're in the hospital. This young boy saved your life. He performed CPR for five hours straight.
SpongeBob: Yeah. They said you'd be okay after the first few minutes, but I just wanted to be sure.
Flatts: Wow, I'm touched. I'll have to remember that when I'm kicking your butt. [SpongeBob is shocked] Are those flowers for me?
SpongeBob: [Running off] AAAAAAHHHHH!!! HE'S STILL GONNA KICK MY BUTT!!
Harold: [to an old man] How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man!?
Old Man: I love the young people!

Episode 4[edit]

Nasty Patty (4.1)[edit]

Realistic Fishhead: We interrupt this can-can to bring you this important message.

Mr. Krabs: Why, that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty ever spawned!
SpongeBob: I call it... the Nasty Patty!

Realistic Fishhead: We interrupt your laughing at other people's expense to bring you this important news bulletin.

Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!

SpongeBob: Ew! Gross! Germs! It's all icky and corpse-y!

SpongeBob: I'll never survive in prison! They'll mop the floor with me!

Mr. Krabs: Now SpongeBob, when we get to the Krusty Krab I want you to take that "shovel..." [winks at this word] ...And stuff-- I mean, "stow it" in the freezer. Understand?
SpongeBob: I understand, Mr. Krabs, but what do you want me to do with the bo...?
Mr. Krabs: [clamps his claw over SpongeBob's mouth] --Ttles of soda(?)! 'Bottles of soda', same thing, put 'em in the freezer. [The officer stares at both of them puzzled, the 2 laugh nervously.]

Mr. Krabs: [after the officer asks for ice] Ice?! You want ice? Is that what you want?! You want ice?!? Is that what you want?
SpongeBob: The dark deed you requested is done, sir.
Nancy O'Malley: I'll get it myself. Ice is in the freezer, right? [Mr. Krabs rushes to the freezer door and blockades it.]
Mr. Krabs: THERE IS NO ICE! There's never been any ice! Ice is just a myth!
Nancy O'Malley: Step aside. You people act like you’ve committed a murder.
Mr. Krabs: ...Okay, I confess, SpongeBob killed him!
SpongeBob: What?! You can't pin this whole rep on me!
Mr. Krabs: He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too if you hadn't come along!
SpongeBob: It was all Mr. Krabs' idea!
Mr. Krabs: Put him down now! He's a mad dog!
SpongeBob: HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! It's not what you think!
Nancy O'Malley: What are you 2 talking about?
Mr. Krabs: We killed a health inspector!! Buried him, and then stuffed his body in the freezer!

Mr. Krabs: [after finding out that the health inspector isn't dead after all, and that the Krusty Krab has passed the health inspection] Come on, everybody! Krabby Patties at half price! Well, not really.

Narrator: [at the end] Well, that's the story. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?

Idiot Box (4.2)[edit]

Squidward: How are you doing that?
SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet.
Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?
Patrick: Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.
SpongeBob: And... imagination! [forms a rainbow with his hands]
Squidward: Are you trying to say I have no imagination?! I have more... "imagination" in 1 tentacle than you 2 have in your whole bodies!
Patrick: That's good! Now all you need is a box.

[Squidward turns on the television]
Narrator: ...It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly. [Squidward changes the channel to a mathematics related program]
Professor: The equation is illustrated here, by this box. [Squidward changes the channel]
Male Fish: I couldn't afford you a present this year, so I got you this box. [shows her a box]
Female Fish: [joyfully] That's what I got you!
Squidward: Isn't there anything on that isn't about BOXES!?! [Squidward changes the channel]
Announcer: ...And welcome back to Championship 'Boxing'!
Squidward: [laughs] Well, I guess this is okay. I mean, it's not really about boxes. [2 cardboard "boxes" start sliding at each other in a "boxing" ring... literally] I give up.

[Squidward opens the box]
Squidward: All right, where is it?
Patrick: [comes out of Squidward's green hat box] Here I am!
SpongeBob: Where's what, Squidward?
Squidward: Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me! Where's the tape recorder?
SpongeBob: We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!
Squidward: Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!" me!
SpongeBob: But we don't!
Patrick: [holds up a small, white, rectangular box in his hand] We have a tape recorder box.
Squidward: [takes the small, white box from Patrick and throws it off] All right, make way you two, I'm coming in.
[Squidward enter the box]

Episode 5[edit]

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV (V.I)[edit]

[The two are trying to reverse the effects of a shrink ray on Mermaid Man's utility belt]
Patrick: You know what the problem is?
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: You got it set to "M" for "mini"... [turns the "M" on the belt upside down] ...When it should be set to "W" for "wumbo"!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think "wumbo" is a real word.
Patrick: Come on! You know. I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me, wumbo! Wumbo, wumboing...
Squidward: [thinking] I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.
Patrick: ...Wumbology - the study of wumbo?! It's first grade, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.

Doing Time (5.2)[edit]

[SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to rob the bank]
SpongeBob: Alright! Put the money. In. The. Bag! PUT IT IN!
Bank Teller: Umm, you're facing the wrong way, sir.
SpongeBob: [turns around, laughing] ALRIGHT, GIVE ME THE MONEY!
Bank Teller: Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?
SpongeBob: Uhh, savings.
Bank Teller: May I please see some identification?
SpongeBob: Sure. [gives him a card] Here ya go.
Bank Teller: Thank you. [The card is shown to be SpongeBob's Jellyfishers Club Membership card; SpongeBob gives Patrick a thumbs up] Sir, we are showing a balance of $0.00 for both of your accounts.
SpongeBob: Oh.
Bank Teller: Next!

[The scene goes back to SpongeBob driving in mid-air with the police behind them. The boat crashes into the truck full of punch, knocking it over, and spilling again]
Officer Malley: Freeze! Your joyride's over, punk. [police officers walk over]
Mrs. Puff: No! What? [policemen grab SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: No! What are you doing? Help! Help! [As the officers carry him to the jail vehicle, he kicks his legs.] No, no, please! I have a snail to feed! I can't go to jail now! This is not a good time! No, please, please! I'm not a criminal! [They throw him into the back of the police car then drive off]
Mrs. Puff: I can't believe it. It was all a dream. I'm not going to jail!
Officer Malley: Why would you go to jail? You already did your time.
[The camera zooms out to reveal Mrs. Puff wearing prison striped clothes with a ball chained to her ankle]

Episode 6[edit]

Snowball Effect (6.1)[edit]

SpongeBob: Squidward! You're just in time to enlist in my army! Join me, and we'll defeat the Pink Menace!
Patrick: That's me!
Squidward: Thanks but no thanks Major Stupidity. You and General Nonsense over there will have to fight without me!

SpongeBob: Score one for the boys back home!

[Squidward answers his door to find Patrick with a mouthful of snow trying to tell him something]
Squidward: Oh. Patrick. What an unpleasant surprise.
[Patrick tries to mime what he needs to Squidward]
Squidward: [with mock enthusiasm] Oh, boy, nothing like a game of charades.
[At last Patrick regains his ability to talk properly]
Patrick: [in one breath] I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow, but the snow melted and turned into water and I drank all the water, now I'm better.
[There is a brief moment of silence]
Squidward: [deadpan] Fascinating. [shuts the door in Patrick's face]
Patrick: [knocks on door again] Can I use your bathroom?
Squidward: Patrick, go use your own bathroom.
Patrick: I don't think I can make it, please?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please.
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please.
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please!
Squidward: All right, make it quick.
Patrick: ...That's okay.

SpongeBob: Can I be Mr. Krabs?
Squidward: No! Wait, why?
SpongeBob: He's a good leader.

One Krab's Trash (6.2)[edit]

Patrick: That looks like a toilet plunger I threw out yesterday!
Mr. Krabs: That ain't no toilet plunger! This here's an antique! It's, um... uh... [turns the rubber part of the plunger upside-down] ...A 17th-century soup ladle, see?
Patrick: Wow, was I using mine wrong! How much?
Mr. Krabs: $5.
Patrick: I've only got $7.
Mr. Krabs: Deal.
Patrick: Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.

[Mr. Krabs draws a picture of a ghost on a piece of notebook paper. Attaching it to a piece of string, he dangles it over SpongeBob's bed, through an adjacent window]
Mr. Krabs: [in a haunting manner] OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!
SpongeBob: OH MY GOSH! A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!! AHHHH!!
[Mr. Krabs, remembering that the opposite page was recently used as list of groceries, flips the page over]
Mr. Krabs: I'm not a shopping list... I'm a ghost!
SpongeBob: AAAH!

[Mr. Krabs sees Squidward place a bouquet of flowers on a grave. After Squidward walks away, Mr. Krabs moves closer and reads what's on the headstone]
Mr. Krabs: "Here Lies Squidward's Hopes and Dreams." What a baby.

Mr. Krabs: Just think about what Spongebob said-- what was it?
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
Mr. Krabs: No...not that...
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] You'll never guess what I found in my sock last night! Go ahead, guess!
Mr. Krabs: No, no, no, no, no!
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] It was his hat, Mr. Krabs! HE WAS NUMBER 1!

Smitty: Hey, man. That's my hat. Give it back!
Mr. Krabs: No, way! Lie down, bone boy! Play dead!
Smitty: I guess I'm gonna have to take it from you.
Mr. Krabs: Right! You in what army? [many skeletons surround Mr. Krabs]
Smitty: Only the army of the living dead.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! I've seen this on the night show! You fellas take turns nibbling on me innards, than you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!
Smitty: That's disgusting! We just want the hat back!

Episode 7[edit]

As Seen on T.V. (7.1)[edit]

Mr. Krabs: What in Neptune's name is going on?!
Squidward: We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: What you're doing is throwing away me money! I told you to rent, only, what is absolutely necessary!
Squidward: This is all necessary!
Mr. Krabs: Then what's that useless junk?!
Squidward: That's the useless junk for scene, uh... 28.
Mr. Krabs: Oh well, then how do you explain that? [sees another Krusty Krab] A second Krusty Krab?!
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy!
Mr. Krabs: Well, you got me there. But why do we need him? [points to a clownfish]
Squidward: This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs, "Amy" (Pearl) and "Jen" (Squidward): The Krusty Krab! Come spend your money here!

SpongeBob: Next thing you know people'll start opening doors for me!
[A man opens a door to go inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob thinks that the man is holding the door open for him]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Why sir, I'm flattered!
Man: [smells the air] Really? I don't smell anything.
Spongebob: [laughs] You're on your way kid!

Narrator: 3:28 AM.

Old Man Jenkins: Hey, I saw you on TV last night.
SpongeBob: You did?
Old Man Jenkins: Yeah, you were in a commercial! [Match-cut to a commercial for "Bran Flakes" that Old Man Jenkins saw]
SpongeBob: You're right, I was! Wow, he recognized me! Well, I have to go to work. See you later, old man!
Old Man Jenkins: Yep, see you later Bran Flakes! What a nice cereal box.

Mr. Krabs: I've never felt such a strange combination of pity, and indigestion.

Can You Spare a Dime? (7.2)[edit]

Squidward: Well, I've never seen it!
Mr. Krabs: Are you prepared to say that with your hand on a stack of interpretive dance quartilys!?
Squidward: Of course I'm– What are you saying?
Mr. Krabs: Me? I ain't sayin' nothin', that would manner to anyone who would be able to take a lie detector test!
Squidward: You're saying something!
Mr. Krabs: Heavens to Betsy, no. It's just that me lucky dime's gone missin' and you've been working the register all day.
Squidward: Are you accusing me of something?
Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are 3 possibilities - 1, you stole it... 2, you stole it? OR 3, YOU STOLE IT!
Squidward: I didn't take your precious dime!
Mr. Krabs: Show me your tentacles.
Squidward: What?!
Mr. Krabs: I wanna see empty suction cups.
Squidward: [squeezes Mr. Krabs eyes with his tentacles in anger] Here, here, here! See 'em?! [walks away enraged]
Mr. Krabs: You, you can't do that to me! I'm your boss!
Squidward: Not anymore, Mr. Krabs! I QUIT! [throws hat down but hat falls in slow motion]
SpongeBob: [gasps] No! [saves hat on a pillow] Whew.
Squidward: I'm out of here!

SpongeBob: Remember, if you need anything, I'm here for you because you and me? We're like brothers, only closer. [lifts up his shirt and reveals a vein connecting him and Squidward]

Squidward: [to SpongeBob, after quitting] You know, there's something I've been wanting to tell you from the day we first met - goodbye.

Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary, Squidward is not a free-loader and he'd never take advantage of me!
Narrator: 3 weeks later...
Spongebob: He sure is having a hard time getting his confidence back...
Narrator: Many months later...
Spongebob: I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough...
Unknown Guy: So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting, and they had to hire a new one.
Gary: [wearily] Meow, meow, meow... (He's still not looking for a new job, isn't he–?)
SpongeBob: I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!
Squidward: SpongeBob, where's my lemonade?
SpongeBob: Coming, Squidward...?

SpongeBob: [presenting a glass of lemonade to Squidward] Here you go, Your Majesty.
Squidward: I can't drink that!
SpongeBob: Why not?
Squidward: Are you blind? Just look at it! [The camera zooms in on the glass of lemonade.]
SpongeBob: What about it?
Squidward: That lemon has 3 seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered.
SpongeBob: Fine, I'll just take it out! [plunges his hand into the glass]
Squidward: NO! NO! IT'S ALREADY CONTAMINATED BY THE BAD LEMON! It won't work.
SpongeBob: Hmm... [muttering] That's 2 things in this house that won't work.
Squidward: Then go fix them. [SpongeBob angrily crushes the glass in his fist.]
SpongeBob: [louder] 2 Things that won't... work!

Squidward: [sees soup with the phrase "GET A JOB" in alphabet letters but then he slaps it out of SpongeBob's hands] Ah! Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Now, you've ruined my appetite, go fetch me something to read!
SpongeBob: Oh, okay. How about THIS!?! [holds up job listings in newspaper]
Squidward: [gasps] GET THAT AWAY FROM ME. You know that I'm allergic to newsprint!
SpongeBob: [chuckles] You know, when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands, it reminded me of something a friend of mine did... AT HIS JOB! [SpongeBob's alarm blows him away]
Squidward: 4:00. Time for my stories. Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around. [SpongeBob rolls in a TV and turns it on]
[SpongeBob is putting on a puppet show through his TV unbeknownst to Squidward]
"Puppet #1": Hey, where ya goin'?
"Puppet #2": To my job!
"Puppet #1": You have a job?
"Puppet #2": Why wouldn't I!? I am not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day!
"Puppet #1": Say, where can I get one of these... "jobs"?
"Puppet #2": Oh, they're everywhere. Especially if you're green and have 6 tentacles!
"Puppet #1": Thanks. I'm going to go look for one so I can stop... mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!!
Squidward: [trying to change the channel] This isn't my show! SpongeBob, the remote control is broken! Get over here and fix it!
SpongeBob: I've got a better idea! Why don't I call somebody whose job it is to fix it? You know why? Because when I need my JOB done, I get someone with a JOB to DO THAT JOB!!
Squidward: ...What are you saying?

Episode 8[edit]

No Weenies Allowed (8.1)[edit]

Sandy: SpongeBob's acting jumpier than a rattlesnake in a pickle barrel. Wait...what?

Sandy: Back in Texas, we call ice cream "frozen cow juice."

[SpongeBob, while karate-fighting Sandy, has accidentally landed in a picnicking family's potato salad]
Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad! [SpongeBob shoots away] THREE DAYS!!

[SpongeBob is ready to attack Sandy again, but then he realizes she is nowhere in sight]
SpongeBob: Sandy?
Sandy: Oh, I'm sandy, all right. [emerges from the sand beneath Spongebob's feet] I'm very sandy.
Spongebob: [while sent flying into the air] Oh, I get it, she's Sandy, that's also her name, and she's covered in... yes!

[SpongeBob and Sandy come across a long line of tough-looking fish]
Sandy: Hey, what's everyone waiting' in line for?
Gruff Sailor Fish: Ahoy, fair lass. It be the line to get into the Salty Spitoon, the roughest, toughest sailor club ever to be built under the seven seas. Only the baddest of the bad can get in. You need to have muscles. [reveals his powerful muscles] You need to have muscles on your muscles! [reveals smaller muscles on his larger muscles] You need to have muscles on your eyeballs! [sticks out his eyeballs and reveals his eyeball muscles]

Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?
Sandy: How tough am I? [rips off his tattoo, which reads "MOM", off his chest and puts it back upside down, so that it now reads "WOW"]
SpongeBob: Wow...
Sandy: Got any more tattoos?
Reg: Uh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead in.

Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?
SpongeBob: How tough am I, you got a bottle of ketchup?
Reg: Sure. [hands SpongeBob a bottle of ketchup]
SpongeBob: It's on! [takes the bottle and struggles to open it] Now, if I could just run this under some hot water...
Reg: Get outta here! This place is too tough for you!
SpongeBob: "Too tough for me!"? That's ridiculous! I'll have you know that I stubbed my toe once while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for 20 minutes!
Reg: Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place.
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut Juniors?! Are you telling me that I belong at Weenie Hut Juniors?!
Reg: What? Sorry about that. I was actually pointing to the one right next to it.
SpongeBob: Super Weenie Hut Juniors?!

Drifter: What's shakin', my man?
Reg: Not much. Say, haven't I seen you before?
Drifter: Doubt it. I'm a drifter. Just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough. Thought I'd check it out.
Reg: Nice try, kid! I know it's you!
Drifter: What are you talking about?
Reg: [pulls on the drifter's hair] Aha!
SpongeBob: [in a clown's wig] Hey, you guys. What's going on?
Reg: [tries to fix the drifter's hair, but can't] Uh... you can go on in. Sorry about that. [to SpongeBob] And what do you want?
SpongeBob: I'd like to gain access to your social club please. I believe my hairdo is in order? [Reg takes the wig off him]
SpongeBob: [chuckles nervously] So, where do you stand on the whole Bald vs. Shaved debate?

SpongeBob: Hey, what about me? I was in that scrap.
Reg: Ho ho, I saw you runnin'. When you get in a real fight, then we'll talk.
SpongeBob: Well then, I guess it's time to take it up a notch. [shadowboxes, then proceeds to crack his knuckles, resulting in him snapping all of his fingers in half]

Robotic Waiter: Care for another sundae, weenie?
SpongeBob: I am not a weenie!
Robotic Waiter: I'm sorry sir, but my sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie.
SpongeBob: That's impossible!
Nerd 1: Relax, you're among friends.
SpongeBob: My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr.'s!
Patrick: [slurping a soda] You tell 'em, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing here?!
Patrick: I'm always here on Double Weenie Wednesday.
Nerd 1: Actually they moved Double Weenie Wednesday to Friday.
Nerd 2: And besides, today's Monday.
Patrick: Oh, so it's Mega Weenie Monday?
Nerd 1: Uh, that's now on Sunday.
Patrick: Barnacles!
Nerd 2: Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s has a Mega Weenie Monday.
Nerd 1: Uh, no, you're thinking of Monster Weenie Monday.
SpongeBob: I don't have time for this!

Nerd 1: Hey, how come you never help us with any of our problems?
Robotic Waiter: I am a robot, not a miracle worker.

SpongeBob: I don't care if you're the demon seed of Davy Jones! You're goin' down, Tubby! [Patrick starts to tear up]
Patrick: Tubby? [Patrick's sadness is quickly replaced by fury and he snarls with rage] NOBODY CALLS ME "TUBBY"!

Reg: I never thought I'd say this, but go ahead in.
SpongeBob: Really? I can go in? Oh, my gosh, I never thought this moment would come! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, am tough enough to get into the Salty Spitoon! This is the happiest day of my life! [walks into Salty Spitoon]
[Cuts away to the inside of ambulance, where SpongeBob is injured and Sandy stands beside him]
SpongeBob: Sandy? [groans] What happened?
Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: [at hospital] What happened?
SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: Boo-boos, eh? Hmm... I think you guys want that hospital. [points to other building]
SpongeBob: WEENIE HUT GENERAL?!

Squilliam Returns (8.2)[edit]

Squidward: Please, Mr. Krabs, you got to help me! When they get here tonight, they’re going to see I’m just a big phony and a loser!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the world’s smallest violin. [music plays as he moves his claw together]
Squidward: This is serious.
Mr. Krabs: I know, this really is the world’s smallest violin. [a close-up of the extremely tiny violin is shown] See?

Squidward: '(Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear.)' [He imagines Squilliam as a hot underwear model.] '(OH NO, HE'S HOT!)'

Mr. Krabs: Squi... Squi... Squi... Squilliam? [picture of a unibrow appears over his head] The guy that made millions, doing what you wish you could do?
Squidward: Don't rub it in.
Mr. Krabs: Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners!

[Inside Spongebob's thoughts]
Boss Spongebob: Just got an order from the boss: dump everything that isn't about fine dining!
Spongebobs: Everything?!
Boss Spongebob: Everything!
[Show the Spongebobs getting rid of everything]
Boss Spongebob: Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?
Other Spongebob: You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.
Boss Spongebob: One more crack like that, and you're outta here!
Other Spongebob: No, please! I have 3 kids!

Episode 9[edit]

Krab Borg (9.1)[edit]

TV: We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of "Night of the Robot".
SpongeBob: Hurry, Gary. The scary robot movie's on.

SpongeBob: There you go! Enjoy your– Say, you're not a robot, are you?
Customer: No... I'm not.
SpongeBob: Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere.

Mr. Krabs: I feel completely recharged!
SpongeBob: That sounds like Mr. Krabs. [spies on him]
Mr. Krabs: [to his radio] Come on, little buddy, play it again. [shakes his radio] Please? 1 More time, for me.
SpongeBob: That was strange. Mr. Krabs was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged". [giggles] If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... A ROBOT. Nah.

Mr. Krabs: Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.
Radio DJ: Hmmm... which one, man?
Mr. Krabs: The one that goes... "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep".
Radio DJ: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop".
Mr. Krabs: "Bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bee-bop", not "bee-boo-boo-beep… bop… beep… boo-boo-bop"?!?
SpongeBob: [shrieks] Oh my gosh! Why was Mr. Krabs making all those beeping sounds, could it be that he's... A ROBOT? Nah! [gasps]

SpongeBob: Let's see, in the movie, the robots didn't have a sense of humor - They couldn't laugh. Hey, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [runs up to the counter] What is it, boy?
SpongeBob: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it.
Mr. Krabs: Is it true, Squidward? Is it hilarious?
Squidward: Umm... yeah, sure.
Mr. Krabs: Well, let's hear it, lad.
SpongeBob: Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Squidward?
Squidward: [chuckles nervously] Uhh, it went... umm, uhh... let's see, uhh... why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?
Mr. Krabs: Why?
Squidward It was rated 'Arr'. [laughs] Arr! Because it's... about... pirates?
Mr. Krabs: [pauses] I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work! [walks off]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Not even a chuckle. See, Squidward? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... A ROBOT.
Squidward: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, SpongeBob. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Krabs is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you...?
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [runs up to the counter again] What? What is it, boy?
SpongeBob: Squidward's father... never hugged him. Isn't that sad? [fakes crying]
Mr. Krabs: Yes. I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can hug himself during his break. Now, get back to work! [walks away]
SpongeBob: Just like the robot in the movie, he couldn't cry, either!
Squidward: SpongeBob, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much!
SpongeBob: That's the final test, Squidward! The love test - robots can't love.
Squidward: No, wait, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: HEY, MR. KRABS!!
Mr. Krabs: [runs up to the counter yet again] What is it, SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you!
[Long pause, Mr. Krabs makes a blank expression on his face]
Mr. Krabs: ...Get back to work, Mr. Squidward. [walks away]
SpongeBob: [gulps] Squidward?

Squidward: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how?
SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
Squidward: They poop on the robot?
SpongeBob: Yeah, you know, get straight poop, ask questions, get information.

Squidward: I never thought I'd say this, but Spongebob, let's get that poop!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, hello boys! What can I do for you? [SpongeBob and Squidward angrily lock Mr. Krabs' office door and start walking to him] Heh-heh. Why did you lock the door? Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?!
[Outside, a fight is heard inside; back inside, it reveals Mr. Krabs tied to a chair]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instant!
Squidward: Shut up! [slaps Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones! What the heck is going on?!
Squidward: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! [slaps him again]
SpongeBob: I can't take it! [runs off, crying]
Squidward: SpongeBob, are you okay?
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!
Squidward: No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. [Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair]
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
SpongeBob: Right. [slaps Mr. Krabs]
Squidward: SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear? [slaps him again]
Squidward: SpongeBob, let me handle this. [turns a light on Mr. Krabs] Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. [Squid slaps him again]
Squidward: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I am Mr. Krabs! I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I AM!
SpongeBob: This is one stubborn robot. [pause]
Mr. Krabs: [yells] WHAT?! [his yelling knocks over the light] YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!
Squidward: We don't think, we know.
Mr. Krabs: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I. AM. MR. KRABS!!
Squidward: [to SpongeBob] He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.
SpongeBob: I got an idea. Keep an eye on him, Squidward. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks. [walks off and then comes back with a blender] If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will.
Squidward: Uh, SpongeBob. That's a blender.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking to his radio before. He called it his "little buddy".
Squidward: Oh, really? But it on the table, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: You're gonna interrogate me blender? You're crazy.
Squidward: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. [holds up a bat]
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! What are you gonna do with me blender?! That cost me money!
Squidward: [to the blender] Where's Mr. Krabs? [pause] Not talkin', eh? [smashes the blender]
Mr. Krabs: NOO!! That cost me $24.95!
SpongeBob: I guess it didn't know anything.
Squidward: Go get the toaster. [SpongeBob pulls out the toaster.]
Mr. Krabs: No, not me toaster! That cost me $32.50! [Squidward smashes the toaster; SpongeBob pulls out a food processor] $62.67! [Squidward smashes the food processor; SpongeBob pulls out a coffee maker] $4– Well, actually, that one was a gift. [Squidward smashes the coffee maker] NOOOOOOOO!!

Squidward: Uh, SpongeBob? How did that movie of yours end?
SpongeBob: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just their... imagination. [chuckles nervously as if he anticipates Squidward to be angry at him, then checks his watch] Hey, it's time to feed Gary. [He runs out while Squidward smiles nervously at Mr. Krabs and sweeps all the broken pieces on the floor using a broom as an angry Mr. Krabs becomes infuriated about being accused of being a robot; scene cuts to exterior shot of Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: [growling in rage] GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, SQUIDWAAAAARRRD?!?!?!?!

Rock-a-Bye Bivalve (9.2)[edit]

Patrick: I think somebody's hungry!
SpongeBob: Is it true? Are you hungry? I've got just a thing. How would you like a Krabby Patty?
[yelping]
Patrick: SpongeBob SquarePants, are you crazy? That's not the right food for a little fella like him!
SpongeBob: Of course not. I don't know what I was thinking. What he needs is a tiny Krabby Patty. [belching] Huh? No one's ever turned down one of these before.
Patrick: Let's try a donut. [hissing]
SpongeBob: French fries?
Junior: Uh-uh.
Patrick: A donut? [blowing raspberry]
SpongeBob: All we have left is this apple.
Worm: Hello, sea creatures! I bring you greetings from Apple World!
SpongeBob: Of course, Scallops love worms!
Worm: Huh, wait! We will bury you!
SpongeBob: Well, you should be good for the rest of the-- [crying]
Patrick: What now?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Aww, don't cry.
Patrick: Do something, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Uhh, uhh, uhh... Blah-blah-blah, look at the funny face! Doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, look at the funny face! Look at the funny face!
Patrick: Wait! I think I might know the problem. [Junior stops crying]

SpongeBob: I am a happy sponge!

Patrick: I want to be the mom!
SpongeBob: I don't think you can be the mom, Patrick. Because you never wear a shirt.
Patrick: You're right. If I was a mom... [the camera draws back to reveal Patrick's hairy, obese, unsightly form] ...This would be kinda shocking. (And disbursing.) [lifts his arms, revealing armpit hair] Just call me Daddy!

SpongeBob: Patrick, breakfast is ready.
Patrick: All right. All this parenting stuff makes me hungry. [lifts the table to gobble up food, then burps] Hey, Junior. How you doing today? [smells the stink] SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick.
Patrick: Kid's got a stinky.
SpongeBob: Can you take care of him? My hands are kind of full.
Patrick: [Drinks a coffee while Junior begins to cry] Wish I could, but I'm gotta get going.
SpongeBob: Going? Where are you going?
Patrick: Going to work. I'm the dad, remember?
SpongeBob: You mean I have to do this baby stuff myself?
Patrick: I'll give you the break when I get home. Don't you stop being adorable. [laughs as he close the door]
SpongeBob: Okay…

Patrick: That guy got hit in the head with a coconut!

Spongebob: Patrick, what about my break?
Patrick: Oh, yeah. Your break. Tomorrow. I promise.
Spongebob: Uh, okay. Tomorrow.
Narrator: Tomorrow.
Patrick: Whew! Another rough day!
Spongebob: Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you're home after working all day! I can't wait for my break!
Patrick: Work is a killer! I need my chair.
Spongebob: Patrick, I really need my–
Patrick: Tomorrow for sure.
Narrator: Tomorrow for sure.
Spongebob: Patrick!
Patrick: I'll give it to you eventually.
Narrator: Eventually...
Spongebob: Uh...?
Patrick: Uhh...
Narrator: Uhhh...
[Patrick is watching TV after he gets back from work]
SpongeBob: [angrily confronts Patrick] Patrick Star, we need to talk!
Patrick: Just 1 more minute, I gotta--
SpongeBob: Don't "1 more minute" me, Mr. Man! [angrily turns off the TV]
Patrick: Hey, I'm missing the coconut!

SpongeBob: You haven't been helping at all with Junior! We made a commitment and you're not doing your share! You never do anything!
Patrick: I changed his diaper!
SpongeBob: Yeah, once!
Patrick: He's only this big. How many diapers could he possibly use?
SpongeBob: [angrily opens up a trash can full of diapers] Hmmm?
Patrick: Oh, that's not so much.
SpongeBob: [angrily points to a pile of diapers in the trash] Hmmm...?
Patrick: So?
SpongeBob: [furiously opens the fridge, diapers tumble out] Hmmmm? [angrily pulls the cover off the couch, revealing it to be diapers] Hmmmmm!? [angrily tears some wallpaper off, revealing diapers behind the wall] HMMMMMM!?!
[Last he furiously shows a huge pile of diapers outside, which looks a garbage dump, Patrick gets upset]
Patrick: I have no idea. WHAT KIND OF FATHER AM I?! I make it up to you, Buddy. I promise.

SpongeBob: So What's the plan for today?
Patrick: No More Fooling Around. From Now on, I'm Super Dad. I'll work straight through lunch so I can get home on time. So make sure y'all save a big ol' stinky diapers for me to change, and You can take the night off, Pal.
SpongeBob: Great. So I'll see you at 6:00.
Patrick: 6:00.
SpongeBob: 6:00.
Patrick: 6:00.
SpongeBob: 6:00.
Patrick: 6:00!
SpongeBob: 6:00!
Patrick: 6:00.
Narrator: 12:00 Midnight.
Patrick: [laughing foolishly] Oh, Boy. That was some party. Hi, SpongeBob. Hey, Junior. [SpongeBob gets ticked off and taps his foot] What… what?
SpongeBob: Oh, nothing.
Patrick: What a relief. For a sec, I thought you were mad at me.
SpongeBob: [Grabs Patrick by his shirt] Didn't you remember what you said to me this morning?
Patrick: Something about root beer, right?
SpongeBob: No.
Patrick: Wait, Let me guess… (Okay.) I give up.
SpongeBob: Does "You can take the night off, Pal" ring a bell?
Patrick: [blows a raspberry] I don't need this.
SpongeBob: WHAT?! Where do you think you're going?!
Patrick: I'm going back to work!
SpongeBob: "WORK"!? [turns red angrily while growling]
[SpongeBob catches Patrick watching the coconut show]
Patrick: [laughing] He got hit in the head with 2 coconuts!
SpongeBob: So this is work?
Patrick: You know, it's not easy as it looks. Sometimes I got movie antenna, sometimes I lose the remote, and sometimes my butt itches real bad.
SpongeBob: Oh. You poor, poor thing. [turns red in anger] By the way, you forgot your... briefcase! [furiously dumps ice cream and donuts on Patrick]
Patrick: Oh, so this is a thanks I get for working overtime.
SpongeBob: OVERTIME!?
[Patrick and SpongeBob are having a huge fight when the scallop's chirping interrupts them]
Patrick: There's that stupid noise again!
SpongeBob: Oh, that's not a stupid noise, that's just Junior about to jump out of that 2-story window. [he and Patrick see Junior teetering on the edge of the window of SpongeBob's house]
Patrick: Oh… [all at once Patrick and Spongebob are struck by what's happening]
SpongeBob and Patrick: JUNIOR!!

SpongeBob: Did you catch him?
Patrick: [looking sadly at his empty hands] No.
Patrick and SpongeBob: [crying] We're bad parents!

[As SpongeBob and Patrick watch the scallop fly away]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick. He doesn't need us anymore.
Patrick: This is the hardest part of every parent's life, I assume.
SpongeBob: Despite all we've been through, it was worth it.
Patrick: Yeah… Let's have another. [SpongeBob looks alarmed]

Episode 10[edit]

Wet Painters (10.1)[edit]

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Check this out. Two ordinary Krabby Patties. But when expertly tossed with the skill of a champ, they become...
Patrick: [SpongeBob tosses the patties and Patrick lands on them at sliding] A one way ticket to PAIN!!! [slams into a wall]

[Mr. Krabs sees the pandemonium SpongeBob and Patrick are causing in the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: What the devilfish is going on here? Time is money! And if you boys is wasting time, then you're wasting money! And that's just sick.
SpongeBob: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?
[Squidward smiles sheepishly and hides his face behind the magazine he's reading]

SpongeBob: Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [gazing around at Mr. Krabs' numerous valuables on the walls] Mr. Krabs sure has a lot of expensive treasures to drip paint on. Do you think we should take this stuff off the walls?
Patrick: No way, SpongeBob! We're not getting paid to move stuff.
SpongeBob: Patrick, we're not getting paid at all.
Patrick: Well, that's what I said. We're not getting paid, and that's final!
SpongeBob: Okay, we'll just paint around this stuff.
Patrick: Good. Just don't pay me.

[SpongeBob dips his brush into one of the cans of paint and tentatively approaches one of the walls]
SpongeBob: All right, Patrick, let's get started painting this wall, with the permanent paint that we're not allowed to get on anything but the wall! Well... here we go. [A time card reading "One hour later" appears on the screen]
Narrator: One hour later...
SpongeBob: [sweating profusely] Just a few more seconds of mental preparation, and I'll be painting this wall. [The next time card reads "Two hours later"]
Narrator: Two hours later... [SpongeBob is still standing in the same spot, and not a drop of paint has touched the wall]
SpongeBob: I'm getting to the painting. [The next time card reads "Three hours later"]
Narrator: Three hours later...
Patrick: [pulls the time card out of the scene] Could you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.

[SpongeBob sees, to his great horror, a giant paint bubble floating in the air]
SpongeBob: Barnacles! What could be worse than a giant paint bubble?!
Patrick: Oh, I know! [takes a bubble wand out of his pocket, dips it eagerly into his own can of paint, and blows out a second paint bubble] 2 Giant paint bubbles!
SpongeBob: NO!!
[The two bubbles merge together to form one colossal bubble]
SpongeBob: Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I don't think this bubble can get much bigger!
Patrick: Nonsense! [starts blowing up the bubble even more with a bicycle pump]
SpongeBob: PAT, NO!!

[SpongeBob and Patrick tried everything to get the paint off of the dollar, But it didn't work]
SpongeBob: Nothing's working!
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob! We're not cavemen! [walks over to a computer] We have technology!
[Patrick picks up the computer and angrily grunts as he smashes it on the dollar, But it didn't work either]
SpongeBob: It didn't work.
Patrick: This is all Mr. Krabs' fault! If he hadn't hung that stupid dollar in the first place! I mean, it's not like it looks any different from a regular dollar! Why hang it?! You could just stick any old dollar bill up on the wall, no one would even know the difference! You might as well just reach into my wallet, pull out a dollar, and put it on the wall! And it wouldn't even--
SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick, get your wallet out!
Patrick: [fishing his wallet out of his back pocket] I don't see where you're going with this-- Hey, a dollar!
SpongeBob: Our butts are saved, Patrick! Now all we have to do is-- PATRICK! NO! [Patrick puts it in a vending machine] Patrick, no...! Why did you put it--? [the dollar comes back out of the machine] AAH! GRAB IT, PAT! GRAB IT, GRAB IT! HURRY! HURRY! [Patrick puts the dollar back into the machine] Noo! Pat, no! [the dollar comes back out again] GET IT, PAT, GET IT! GET IT! GET IT, PAT! GET IT! [Patrick puts the dollar back in again] Noooo-hoooo!
Patrick: [chewing a candy bar] Want a bite?

Mr. Krabs: Criminy-Jim-Jam! You messed up my dollar... rama. [walks up to a carefully assorted display of dolls, SpongeBob and Patrick kneel looking dumbfounded] All the dolls in this doller-ama were perfectly aligned. [aligns a doll] ...And you boys thought I wouldn't notice! Oh well, I guess no harm done. Ah well, boys, you're free to go.

[Mr. Krabs sees SpongeBob hanging from the spot where his first dollar is supposed to be]
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob: Oh, just... you know... "hanging around".
Patrick: [flashing a thumbs-down] Boo!
Mr. Krabs: Get down onto the floor, boy. [SpongeBob stretches out his body, so that his feet touch the floor. Mr. Krabs is not amused]
Mr. Krabs: All right, now you're just being silly.

[Mr. Krabs sees his paint-covered dollar]
Mr. Krabs: Did you two get paint...all over me first dollar?!
SpongeBob: We're sorry, Mr. Krabs!
Patrick: We're sorry, sorry!
Mr. Krabs: ...And then did you draw on it with CRAYON?! [A smiling face is seen scrawled on the front of the dollar. SpongeBob looks at Patrick, who holds up a crayon innocently]
Patrick: I thought, you know, maybe he'd buy it.

Mr. Krabs: [angrily] All right boys! You know what I'm gonna do now?!
SpongeBob: [scared] You mean our butts?
Patrick: Can I use mine 1 last time? [Mr. Krabs takes his dollar and gives it one great big lick. When he puts it back on the wall, every last trace of paint and crayon is gone]
Mr. Krabs: [satisfied] There we go, good as new. [Patrick and SpongeBob are dumbfounded, and start babbling]
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I lied. This paint actually comes off with saliva.
SpongeBob: [beaming] Oh, I get it, Mr. Krabs. You told us the paint was permanent so me and Patrick would be more careful and not get paint on anything!
Mr. Krabs: Nah, I just like to mess with ya! [Mr. Krabs bursts into gales of laughter. SpongeBob and Patrick both scowl, and walk out the front door in a huff. Mr. Krabs laughs so hard that saliva sprays out of his mouth, causing the paint to ooze down his walls. When he's finally stopped laughing enough to see what's going on, his house is a mess] Aw, crud. I really gotta learn to say it, not spray it.

Krusty Krab Training Video (10.2)[edit]

Narrator: As you can see by this graph...
[A live-action giraffe is shown]
Narrator: Ahem... graph!
[Shows a graph of the Krusty Krab]
Narrator: You have been employed in one of the most successful restaurants in Bikini Bottom. But it didn't that way over night,because the store closes at 6:00.

Narrator: Sounds like a lot of--
Random little fish: [interrupting the Narrator] Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of--
Random little fish: Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a--
Random little fish: Hoopla! HOOPLA! [Narrator throws brick at fish which knocks him out]
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of hoopla to make over one Krabby Patty right? [laughs] Haha, WRONG!

Narrator: But for every good employee, there is one who is not so good. [about Squidward] Let's see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!" button. There's a name for employees like this, but we'll call him... "Squidward".

SpongeBob: Does this mean I get to make a Krabby Patty now?
Narrator: No, you can't make a Krabby Patty without understanding the phrase... P.O.O.P.
SpongeBob: "P.O.O.P"?
Narrator: Once you understand P.O.O.P, you'll understand your place at the Krusty Krab, but what does P.O.O.P mean? [SpongeBob shrugs]
Narrator: It's actually a carefully organized code. Watch closely: "People Order Our Patties".
SpongeBob: Ah, P.O.O.P!

Narrator: Ah, P.O.O.P, you never let us down!

Mr. Krabs: Now are you gonna order something, or just stand there, 'cause there's a standin' fee.

Patrick: Squidward! Your ceiling is talking to me!
Squidward: Are you going to order something or make friends with the panelling?
Patrick: Uh... I'll have an uh... uhh... [falls asleep]
Squidward: [snapping his fingers to wake Patrick] Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else!
Narrator: Uh, uh, uh, Squidward. Remember what Mr. Krabs said.
Mr. Krabs: "The money is always right!"
Patrick: The ceiling is right, Squidward. You're not a very good employee.
Squidward: [irritated] Fine! May I please take your order?!
Patrick: I'll have a... uhhh...

Plankton:[while escaping from Mr.Krabs with a krabby patty]You'll never catch me Krabs,not when i shift into maximum overdrive![increases a little the speed but Mr.Krabs catch him]
Plankton:I knew i should got it on turbo...

[Patrick still cannot decide what to order]
Narrator: Psst. Squidward. Just remember: P.O.O.P.!
Squidward: Patrick, if I could make a suggestion, why don't you order a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Great idea, Squidward! One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: [sighs] Is that for here or to go? [gasps, covers his mouth]
Patrick: Uhhh... [Squidward bangs his head on the cash register repeatedly]
Narrator: Don't worry, Squidward, it's all part of the job.

Narrator: [to an estatic Spongebob, who is hoping to start making a Krabby Patty] Are you ready? [SpongeBob nods vigorously] Are you sure? [SpongeBob nods so fast he nearly severs his head] Okay! The Secret Formula is- [episode ends]

Party Pooper Pants (Episode 11)[edit]

Patchy: Ha, ha! Looks like it's smooth party sailing for SpongeBob so far. Now it's time for me to get my own party underway! Gather around, ye scurvy landlubbers, it's time to learn the peg legged dance o' happiness. [lays out a dance mat] Oh, it's quite simple really, all you need is a peg leg and some patience. And my instructional video series, only $29.95.
Potty: Bawk! How tacky.
Patchy: It's a $40 value, Potty! A $40 VALUE!!!! Now, it's very easy and loads of fun.
Salt Water Sam: Hey, everybody, the band's here!
Patchy: Band? What band?
Potty: The band I hired for the party. [Patchy was laughing]
Patchy: A jolly idea, Potty. A little live musical get me shindig dug. Who'd you get? Barnacle Bill and the Seven Seas?
Potty: No.
Patchy: Seaweed Sally and her cackling turtle?
Potty: No.
Patchy: Oh, oh, I know: The First Mates.
Potty: No.
Patchy: Salt Water Sam, featuring the Brine Brothers.
Potty: No.
Patchy: Rusty hinges and the Boys from the Brig?
Potty: They broke up years ago.
Patchy: Well, who else is there?
Potty: The Bird Brains!
Patchy: Oh.. ha he huh?
Potty: The Bird Brains. They're better than all those other bands.
Patchy: But they're just a bunch of birds!

Patrick: [reading his name tag that says, "HELLO, MY NAME IS PATRICK" upside down] Kirtap si eman, Y, M, O, 77, eh. I don't get it.
Mr. Krabs: No, you dumb bunny! It says "Hello, my name is Patrick"!
Patrick: [shakes his hand] Nice to meet you, Patrick!

[looking at discussion cards]
Mr. Krabs: What does yours say, Plankton?
Plankton: Um... Oh, yes. "Discuss the secret formula for the Krabby Patty." [the card actually reads, "Where are you from?"] Ahem... How interesting.
Mr. Krabs: Nice try, Plankton.

SpongeBob: I can take losing the topic cards and the phone in punch bowl... but I was supposed to lead the bunny hop! THIS IS A BUNCH OF BARNACLES!! I'M BREAKING IN!!!

Episode 12[edit]

Chocolate with Nuts (12.1)[edit]

SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir. Can we interest you in some... [holds up chocolate bar] Chocolate?
Tom: Chocolate...? Did you say "chocolate"?!
Patrick: Yes, sir! With or without nuts?
Tom: Chocolate?! Chocolate?! CHOCOLAAAAATE!!! CHOCOLAAAATE!!! [terrified, Spongebob and Patrick run away he then chases them while madly screaming 'CHOCOLATE!!!']

[SpongeBob rings the doorbell and the same con-artist who sold them a bunch of candy bar bags appears.]
Con-artist: Yes?
SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
Con-artist: I don't recall, but it looks to me that you boys have a lot of bags there. You two ladykillers are too smart to be without one of my patented candy-bar-bag-carrying bags.
Patrick: We'll take 20!

[SpongeBob knocks on the door, and Sadie comes out]
Sadie: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?
SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
Sadie: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
SpongeBob: One chocolate bar, coming up! [He attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants] I know they're in here somewhere.
Sadie: I don't have time for this. [She goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]
SpongeBob: I got it! One chocolate bar for the nice—
Tom: [offscreen] CHOCOLATE!!!
SpongeBob: —lady. [Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while madly screaming 'CHOCOLATE!!!']

SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good. [They knock on a door]
Blue Fish: Hello?
Patrick: I love you. [The blue fish slams the door shut]
SpongeBob: I think you laid it a teensy bit thick there, 'ol pal. Let me give it a try. [rings the bell]
Blue Fish: Please, g-go away!
SpongeBob: Hey, uh... [coughs] Ho-how ya doin'?
Blue Fish: How am I doin'?
SpongeBob: Wanna buy some chocolate?
Patrick: WE GOT 'EM NOW!!
Blue Fish: Sorry, chocolate is sugar, and sugar is bubbling fat. Isn't that right, blubber boy?
Patrick: [his stomach is bubbling; he laughs] It tickles.
Blue Fish: [holding up a photo of him as a very obese 13-year old] As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. [Patrick takes the photo] You can keep that for $5.
Patrick: [holds up cash] I'll take 10!

SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, focus. [walks up to house and knocks on door, the tenant answers]
Purple fish: Yes?
SpongeBob: Good evening, sir. We're selling chocolate bars. [Patrick's eyes zoom in and out of his head towards the customer]
Purple fish: Why is chubby here staring at me...?
Patrick: Focusing... [the customer backs into his house with Patrick's eyes following him]
Purple fish: ...Back up, Jack! [slams his door on Patrick's eyes and they look around]
Patrick: Nice place you got here!

Mary: Yes?
SpongeBob: Hello, young lady! [Patrick giggles] We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?
Mary: MOM! [Mary's mother, just a brain and spinal cord of a creature, pulls up in a wheelchair.]
Mary's Mother: What, what?! What's all the yelling? [SpongeBob and Patrick react] You just can't wait for me to die, can you?
Mary: They're selling chocolate!
Mary's Mother: They're selling chocolate?
Mary: Yeah!
Mary's Mother: What? What are they selling?
Mary: Chocolate!
Mary's Mother: What?
Mary: Chocolate!
Mary's Mother: I can't hear you!
Mary: They're selling chocolate!
Mary's Mother: They're selling chocolate?!
Mary: YEAH!
Mary's Mother: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!
SpongeBob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating, it's for--
Patrick: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever!
Mary: No, no, no...
Mary's Mother: Live forever, you say? I'll take one! [Disgusted, Mary hands SpongeBob the money.] Come on, you lazy Mary! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
Mary: [to SpongeBob] I HATE YOU!! [slams door]
SpongeBob: [to Patrick] If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!
Patrick: Hooray for lying!

Con-artist: Such nice boys, it does my heart good to... [unwraps bandages] ...Con a couple class-A suckaroonies like those 2. Ha, Ha!

SpongeBob: I can't understand what we're doing wrong.
Patrick: I can't understand anything. [munches on a chocolate bar]

Patrick: [reads the billboard] "Eat Barnacle Chips. They're delicious."
SpongeBob: [referring to Barnacle Chips] They are most certainly NOT delicious!
Patrick: Not the way I use 'em!
SpongeBob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day.
Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!
Tom: [offscreen] CHOCOLATE!!! [SpongeBob and Patrick run away again]

SpongeBob: Let's face it, Patrick. We're failures.
Patrick: I can live with that.
SpongeBob: Let's change our names to "Why" and "Bother".

[Tom appears right behind them]


Tom: CHOCCOOLLAAAATTEE!!!!! [SpongeBob and Patrick are on the ground, begging Tom not to hurt them. Laughing like a maniac] Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... [calms down instantly] ...I'd like to buy all your chocolate. [holds up a mountain of cash]
[Chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's pants, followed by a Hershey kiss, then he and SpongeBob melt like chocolate]
SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V [Mermaid Man vs. Barnacle Man] (XII.II)[edit]

Barnacle Boy: I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra!

Barnacle Man: I say if you're not going to give me the respect I want as a hero, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain. A villain, who is... EVIL!!
SpongeBob: Evil?
Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Patrick and Sandy: Evil!? [Mr. Krabs slaps Mermaid Man]
Mermaid Man: EVIL!!!
Barnacle Man: I'm crossing over to the dark side! [points to dark side of Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: Why should I waste money lighting the whole store?

Spongebob: Holy oil spill, It's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis, Man Ray and The Dirty Bubble!

Mermaid Man: A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles. Hmmm! [KA-BRAN!] Goes right through me every time.

Mermaid Man: Who wants to save the world?
SpongeBob: I DO!
Sandy: I DO!
Patrick: I DO!
Squidward: I DON'T!
Mr. Krabs: Oh yes, you do... no world means no money! Now go save the world OR YOU'RE FIRED!

[Mermaid Man is introducing SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy and Squidward to the original costumes of the International Justice League of Super Acquaintances]
Mermaid Man: Once you put on these costume, their fantastic powers will become yours.
Sandy: Wow, I didn't think superpowers worked that way.
Mermaid Man: Sure! Power's all in the costume! Why else would we run around in colored undies?
Squidward: I can think of III good reasons.

Barnacle Man: You've lost, Mermaid Man, and the Superhero/Supervillain Rulebook says 'you have to give in to my demands'!
Mermaid Man: Okay. What do you want?
Man-Ray: World domination! Tell him we want world domination!
Dirty Bubble: Oh, and make him eat dirt, hmm hmm! [Man-Ray looks at him questioningly] ...In addition to the domination thing.
Barnacle Man: #I, I want to be treated like a superhero, not a sidekick... #II, I want to be called "Barnacle Man"... and #III...
Man-Ray: Come on, domination.
Barnacle Man: ...I want an adult-size Krabby Patty.
Dirty Bubble: Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt?

The Chief: It seems we have some information on the whereabouts of Evil.
Elastic Wasteband: The whoseabouts of what?

Episode 13[edit]

New Student Starfish (13.1)[edit]

Mrs Puff: Come on now, tell the class your name. Don’t be nervous. [Patrick gets nervous] We just want to know your name. [Patrick gets more nervous]
Patrick: Uh... 24!

SpongeBob: [holding in laughter] Patrick.
Patrick: [also holding in laughter] What?
SpongeBob: I thought of something funnier then 24.
Patrick: Let me hear it.
SpongeBob: 25.

SpongeBob: I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU A STUPID STAR!!!
Patrick: I'm sorry I got you trouble and got you moved to the back of the class and got your good noodle star removed and shot the spitballs--
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, your apology is so long!
Patrick: Me too! Let's save Roger!

Ugh (Episode 14)[edit]

Patar: Patar unga squag (he hugs and squishes squog)

Prehistoric Krabs: money money money money


You can run

But no can hide

When worlds collide

You'll laugh so hard

You'll swear you've died

When worlds collide

Hold my hand

I'll be your guide

When worlds collide

Buckle... buckle... buckle up for the sweetest ride

And prepare to have your mind blown wide

When worlds collide

When worlds collide, it's a curious thing

Bet you never heard a robot and a caveman sing

In his metal chest are some working parts

How is that different from my beating heart?

I'm from the future, and I'm from the past

But that don't mean this friendship wasn't built to last

He was made in a lab, and I was born in a cave

So let me hear you holler for this inter-era rave


Squidward: Future!


Potty: Word!


SpongeTron: I am SpongeTron.


You, you, you, you can run

But no can hide

When worlds collide [Patchy shuts his mouth with his hook. The lighting returns to normal]


Patchy: Well Potty, I guess you were right. The future is cool.


Potty: Just to show you there's no hard feelings, I got you a present from the prehistoric times.


Patchy: Ooh! What is it? A new loincloth?


Potty: No.


Patchy: An enlarged forehead?


Potty: No. [Potty flies off]


Patchy: Aww, what is it? [Potty opens the door, revealing a T-rex, which growls at Patchy. Patchy screams, his eyes bugging out, he runs out, the t-rex giving chase] Potty!!! [he continues screaming as he runs off. Potty watches from the window, with popcorn and a soda]


Potty: [squawk] This is great. [the dinosaur has grabbed Patchy, who screams. Patchy is on his side, his feet inside the t-rex's jaws]


Patchy: Well, thanks for watching SpongeBob B.C. kids. [waves] Bye! [he continues screaming, then laughing] Now he's tickling! [he laughs] Cut it out, you rascal! [he continues laughing]

Episode 15[edit]

The Great Snail Race (15.1)[edit]

Squidward: Talk to me.
Mailman: Package, sir.
Squidward: [looks at the package] Oh boy, it's finally here. Thank you.
Mailman: No, thank you Mr. ..."Tennisballs".
Squidward: That's "Tentacles"! [slams door]
SpongeBob: Squidward's last name is "Tentacles"?
Patrick: Poor guy.

Squidward: Snelly's a purebred.
Patrick: Wow, a snail made out of bread!

SpongeBob: Well, I guess I can't enter Gary in that (the Bikini Bottom Snail Race). Sunday's laundry day.
Squidward: No, you can't enter Gary because he's a mutt. [Gary is seen in the appearance of a hillbilly]
SpongeBob: Yeah, you got that right. Gary's no-- Hey! What makes you think Gary can't compete?
Squidward: Papers. [holds up his snail's certificate]
Patrick: [reads the certificate] Hmm... "Property of Squidward... Tentpoles."
Squidward: That's Tennisballs! I mean... TENTACLES!

SpongeBob: [in a personal trainer uniform] Looks like we're going to start our training now, ladies. [laughs] I call you a lady to humiliate and demean you. It's a motivational tool we coaches use.
[Cut to Sandy walking down a road. She suddenly halts and looks confused]
Sandy: Hmm, I don't know why, but I think I'll kick SpongeBob's butt tomorrow.

SpongeBob: Patrick, your snail is a rock.
Patrick: Yeah, thanks, I know. He's got nerves of steel.

Announcer: And what a beautiful day for this sport of kings of which I am a huge fan... Seriously, I'm just a fan. I was on my way to my seat, the door was open--
Perch Perkins: Hey, what are you doing?! [the fan runs out, Perch chuckles] Sorry about that, folks.

Patrick: [to his pet rock at the race track] Don't worry Rocky. Take your time.

SpongeBob: Oh Gary, I'm sorry! Why didn't you tell me I was pushing you too hard?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: You did? Oh Gary, why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: You did?

Snellie: Meow. [Snellie turns around and heads straight to Gary to help him]
Squidward: What?! [Gary notices Snellie racing towards him and he is back to normal now]
SpongeBob: Gary? [Gary and Snellie start purring at each other] Oh!
Crowd: Aww!
Perch Perkins: [laughs] My oh my. Folks, I have never seen anything quite like this. It seems Snellie, the leader, just went back to comfort Gary. [Squidward walks up to where the snails are at]
SpongeBob: Looks like you and I are in-laws, eh, Squidward?

Patrick: Don't worry, Squidward. I know how much you wanted to win, so I had the trophy engraved to you.
Squidward: Gosh Patrick, thanks. [reads the inscription] "The First Place Snail Racing Cup Presented To Squidward... TORTELLINI"?! Will I ever win?
[They all laugh; then Sandy appears and kicks SpongeBob's backside, sending him flying out of the stadium in doing so.]
Sandy: THAT'S FOR YESTERDAY, SQUAREPANTS!

Mid-Life Crustacean (15.2)[edit]

Mr. Krabs: Well, little patty. We're 2 of a kind. We've both lost our luster. [eats patty] Hmm... so THAT'S what I taste like.

Mr. Krabs: We used to beat people up for saying things like that! Everything's all topsy-turvey now.

SpongeBob: Hey there, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready to party?!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party?
Patrick: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, Patrick?
Patrick: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to par...?
Pearl: [runs by crying] --Stop it! Just stop it, you're embarrassing me, Dad! [cries more]

Mr. Krabs: You guys wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the aften! I'm going home! You guys ain't cool, you're lame!!
SpongeBob: [gasps] Lame?!
Mr. Krabs: Lame! You're NERDS! GEEKS! CREEPS! And BABIES!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Not 'babies!' [suck thumbs]
Mr. Krabs: I may be old, but even an old bag of shells like me knows that you haven't suggested one cool thing all night! So good night to ya! [starts to leave]
Patrick: I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid.
Mr. Krabs: The what?
Patrick: I said, "I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid."
Mr. Krabs: "Panty raid"? [walks back to them] You're talkin' about girls, right? [pause] Girl girls...?
Patrick: Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: And you're talking about raiding their dressers... for their underpants, right?
Patrick: Oh, yeah.
Mr. Krabs: Well, count me in! If this works, I'll take back what I said about you two bein' lame!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Not lame!

Episode 16[edit]

Born Again Krabs (16.1)[edit]

SpongeBob: Wait just a burger-flipping second! [Flying Dutchman turns around]
The Flying Dutchman: [angrily] Who dares back-sass the Flying Dutchman!?!
SpongeBob: That would be me: SpongeBob BacksassPants.

Flying Dutchman: OK Krabs, I'll let you stay. But first, help me settle a bet. If you had to choose between SpongeBob and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you take?
Mr. Krabs: That depends. How much money we talking about?
SpongeBob: MR. KRABS!!
The Flying Dutchman: $0.62.
Mr. Krabs: I'll take the money!
SpongeBob: MR. KRABS!!!

Mr. Krabs: Look, Squidward! Money!
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I can't believe I'm saying this, but how could you trade SpongeBob for $0.62?!
Mr. Krabs: You think I could've gotten more?

I Had an Accident (16.2)[edit]

[The episode begins when Patrick is screaming while flying on his sandboard, then bashes his body on mountain. The word "DEAD" flashes, also making a "dead" sound effect, Screen zooms out, revealing that Patrick is only playing a video game with his character while sandboarding down Sand Mountain]
Patrick: Aw, I got dead again! This game stinks! [hits a rock and flies and screams then bashes his body on mountain just like on his game]
Sandy: See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain.

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy. Watch me do the Grouchy Squidward.
Squidward: Stop naming moves after me.
SpongeBob: [imitating Squidward] Everyone's an idiot except for me!
Squidward: Well, it's true. [drinks tea]

Sandy: [yelling] SpongeBob, land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!
Spongebob: [takes pants off while falling] Like this?
Patrick: [yelling] No, your other bottom!
Sandy: [to Patrick] Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?
Patrick: Not until 4:00.
[SpongeBob lands hard on the ground and breaks his butt into a thousand pieces.]
Sandy: Ohhh... That's gotta hurt!
Patrick: [turns head back] Do it again, I wasn't looking!

SpongeBob: Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world?
Sandy: What y'all doing sitting in the middle of the floor like that?
SpongeBob: Oh, living out the remainder of my life, in safety. If you guys were smart, you were join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was the one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor, and so I simply decided that I'm never leaving my house again.
Sandy: That's crazy talk!
Patrick: That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk! [blabbers gibberishly blabbing. Sandy punches his head into his body to shut him up] Sorry.

Patrick: [after SpongeBob refuses to leave his house] I guess I'll have to find a new best friend... Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: No! [slams window shut]

[Patrick and Sandy are holding a cake in front of SpongeBob's house]
Sandy and Patrick: ♪ '3 cheers on your birthday, SpongeBob! 3 cheers for you!
Sandy: Now you got to blow out the candles and make a wish.
SpongeBob: I don't need the wish, Penny. Everything I could ever want is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the joy of staying indoors. [singing] ♪ I know of a place where you never get harmed. ♪
♪ A magical place with magical charms. ♪
♪ Indoors, indoors! ♪ [sustained] ♪ Indoors...! ♪ [normal voice]
Take it away, Penny! [A brief pause, showing his personified Penny clearly doing... nothing.]
Patrick: [shedding a tear] That Penny has the most beautiful voice.
Sandy: That is it, SquarePants! We're gonna find something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside! Trampoline!
Patrick: Ice cream!
Sandy: Underwater surfing!
Patrick: 2 ice creams!
Sandy: Ferris wheel!
Patrick: Still 2 ice creams!
Sandy: Clam wrestling!
Patrick: Washing an old person!
Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun.
Old Man: It is for me!

Episode 17[edit]

Krabby Land (17.1)[edit]

Mr. Krabs: Krabby Land: Where a kid can have fun...for the right price!
SpongeBob: I've been taught the true meaning of summer.
Narrator: Later...

SpongeBob: You said you would bring Krabby the Clown. But all I saw out there was...Cheapy the Cheapskate!
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! [rubs the clown nose on his shirt, which turns out red] Now, put this tomato in the oven before it spoils.

The Camping Episode (17.2)[edit]

Squidward: Ah, Squidward, you've waited a long time for this. A soft bed, warm tea, a good book, and two whole days with no [imitates SpongeBob's laugh].

Squidward: Well, I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub. I suppose you two are going to stew up some twigs and rocks.
SpongeBob: Nope, we've got something even better! Marshmallows! [holds up a bag of marshmallows, takes one and eats it] Mmmm-mmmm! Just like the astronauts eat!

SpongeBob: [as an astronaut] SpongeBob to Patrick, help yourself!
Patrick: Yummy! [takes a marshmallow and crams it into his mouth] Patrick to SpongeBob, the deliciousness has landed!

Squidward: Well, you 2 "astronauts" can eat marshmallows. I'm going to have a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls, just as soon as I can get my can opener.
SpongeBob: But Squidward, didn't you take a can opener with you when you hiked out here?
Squidward: Why would I bother? We're 10 feet from my house.

[Spongebob starts playing on a song on his guitar.]
SpongeBob: I call this one "The Campfire Song" song.
Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song.
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song.
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong.
But it'll help if you just sing along.
Patrick: Bum bum bum...
SpongeBob: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song [Patrick not keeping up]
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, Patrick!
Patrick: SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I---
SpongeBob: Squidward...! [Squidward says nothing] ...Good!
It'll help...
It'll help...
...If you just sing along! [SpongeBob screams and breaks his guitar; Patrick slams a drum over his head] OH, YEAH!! Now, wasn't that relaxing?

[Squidward starts playing sour notes on his clarinet.]
SpongeBob: Oh, no! [takes a marshmallow and a slingshot and takes aim] I'll save you, Squidward!
[SpongeBob fires the marshmallow into Squidward's clarinet. It goes all the way into the back of Squidward's throat. At once the music stops and Squidward falls over backward. SpongeBob rushes over and kneels at Squidward's side]
SpongeBob: [frantically] Squidward, are you all right? [guides Squidward's jaw up and down] That's it, chew, chew! Now swallow. [Squidward swallows, and gasps loudly for air] There, better?
Squidward: [angrily] Better?! I was just fine until you launched that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!

SpongeBob: Oh no, Squidward, sea bears are all too real! It says so in the Bikini Bottom Inquirer! [holds up the magazine]
Squidward: [reads cover] "I Married a Sea Bear"?
Patrick: Yeah, and Fake Science Monthly! [holds up the magazine]
Squidward: [reads cover] "Sea Bears and Fairy Tales Are Real"? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Patrick: Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!
SpongeBob: Patrick's right, Squidward. Sea bears are no laughing matter. Like, once, I met this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy's cousin--
Squidward: You're right! I should be more careful.

Squidward: Why don't you tell me all the things I shouldn't do, if I want to keep the sea bears away?
SpongeBob: Okay, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet.
Squidward: Okay. And...?
SpongeBob: Never wave a flashlight back and forth really fast.
Patrick: Flashlights are their natural prey.
Squidward: You're kidding.
SpongeBob: Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.
Squidward: [jotting down notes onto a pad of paper] Go on!
SpongeBob: Never eat cheese.
Squidward: Sliced, or cubed? [Patrick and SpongeBob have a quick discussion]
SpongeBob: Cubed. Sliced is fine.
Squidward: Yeah? Yeah?
SpongeBob: Never wear a sombrero...
Patrick: ...In a goofy fashion.
SpongeBob: Or clown shoes.
Patrick: Or a hoop skirt.
SpongeBob: And never...
Patrick: ...Ever...
SpongeBob: ...ever...
Patrick: Guh!
SpongeBob and Patrick: ...SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!!
Squidward: Wow! It's amazing how so many things can set a sea bear off.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [hugging each other] They're horrible!?!
Squidward: And... all of a sudden, I have the sense we're all in danger.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Why?
Squidward: I don't know. [disappears and returns two seconds later wearing a sombrero, a hoop skirt, clown shoes, and holding a flashlight in one hand and a platter of cubed cheese in the other] ...Just a feeling!
SpongeBob: No.
Squidward: Yes.
SpongeBob: No! [Squidward starts screeching like a chimpanzee]
SpongeBob and Patrick: SQUIDWARD, PLEASE DON'T!! [Squidward screeches like a chimpanzee louder, leaning left and right.]

[Squidward has just been pummeled by a vicious sea bear]
SpongeBob: Quick, jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle before he comes back!
Patrick: Yeah, sea bears often attack more than once!
Squidward: Are you kidding me? A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE!
SpongeBob and Patrick: NO!! [The sea bear comes back and starts mauling Squidward again.]
SpongeBob: Don't run! Sea bears hate that!
Squidward: Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just limp home, then. [stands up and limps towards his house.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: NOOOO!! [The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up even more.]
SpongeBob: They hate limping more than running!
Squidward: Well, I guess I'll just have to-- [The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up again.]
SpongeBob: I should have warned you about crawling. [The sea bear attacks Squidward yet again.]
Squidward: What'd I do that time?
SpongeBob: I don't know. I guess he just doesn't like you!
Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else! [SpongeBob throws Squidward a stick.]
SpongeBob: Here, draw a circle!
Squidward: Okay. [The sea bear comes back and attacks once more.]
SpongeBob: That was an oval. It has to be a circle!
Squidward: Move over! [bruised and bandaged, joins SpongeBob and Patrick inside their anti-sea-bear circle. The sea bear comes back, but then notices the circle, so he cannot attack. Instead, he merely growls angrily at Squidward, and leaves.]
Squidward: Hey, it worked! You guys saved my life! [They cheer]
SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm glad it was just a sea bear. This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros.
Squidward: What attracts them?
Patrick: The sound of a sea bear attack. [Scene zooms out to reveal a sea rhino snorting, right next to them]
SpongeBob: Good thing we're all wearing our anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments, right, Squidward?
Squidward: ...Huh?

Episode 18[edit]

Missing Identity (18.1)[edit]

SpongeBob: The most important meal of the day; serving it up Gary's way! Baa! Enjoy buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years and I don't even know what it tastes like. [tastes the snail food; his face turns green] Bleah! *Echos*
[In snail food headquarters]
Woman: What is it, Peterson?
Peterson: I don't know, I feel... a disturbance.

Plankton's Army (18.2)[edit]

Plankton: Can I have the secret formula?
Mr. Krabs: No.
Plankton: Okay. [walks away]
Mr. Krabs: [voiceover] But he was persistent!
Plankton: [comes back] Pretty please?
Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, why don't you hose out the men's room?
SpongeBob: With pleasure, sir!

Plankton: AH-HAH!
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! You knew I would never distrust a dollar!
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. Now hand over the secret krabby patty formula!
Mr. Krabs: Or what?
Plankton: I don't know. I'd never thought I'd get this far.
Mr. Krabs: Well, then, allow me to suggest your next move.
Plankton: [while being flushed down a toilet] Yeow! Curse you, Kra-a-abs!

Karen: It's not that big a deal. You just require a little help. Maybe some henchmen?
Plankton: Henchmen?
Karen: Yes. All you need to do is surround yourself with muscular tough guys that will do whatever you say.
Plankton: I like the sound of that. I'll canvass all the seediest lowbrow dives in town to find my minions. And I know just how to speak their language. [to some big guys playing pool] Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropiate the formulary for the preparation of affordable comestibles! Who will join me?!

Plankton: I'd like you to meet my computer wife, Karen.
Clem: Golly, she is purdy, Sheldon.
Karen: Sheldon?
Sheldon Plankton:[annoyed] Yes, that is my first name. [Karen cracks up; Plankton keeps an angry face]
Karen: Sheldon?! [continues laughing]
Sheldon: [still has an annoyed face] Will you please-?!
Karen: [still laughing] Sorry!
Sheldon: All right, as I was saying... [Karen starts laughing] Okay, we all know Sheldon is a funny name.
Karen: [calms down] Okay, okay. I'm done. No more.
Sheldon: Good. Ahem, to continue. [turns away from Karen; he doesn't see the screen she brings down behind him; the word "SHELDON" appears on the screen] Only you can bring honor... [the family laughs, Plankton turns around to look at the screen; it is blank] ...and dignity... [the word "SHELDON", with a finger pointing at plankton, appears; the group laughs and Plankton turns around to look at the screen, which is now blank] ...back to the Plankton family. [as soon as Plankton speaks, another "SHELDON" sign appears, with an arrow pointing at Plankton; he turns around to look at the screen and shakes with fury; as he starts to speak, another "SHELDON" sign appears] For years, it has been my goal to acquire the secret formula for... AHA! [points at the screen] Okay, that's enough! [unplugs Karen] Bottom line: we invade the Krusty Krab so I can steal the formula.

Sheldon J. Plankton: Victory, thy name is Plankton! [turns around, revealing a paper taped to his back which says "SHELDON"]

Plankton: Attention, Krusty Krab management. This is your better speaking.
Mr. Krabs: What?!
Plankton: I have the restaurant surrounded. Give me the secret formula or I'll destroy the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: [walking outside] You and what army, bug?
Plankton: [laughing] What army? What army? Look around you, Krabs!
[We see the billions of other Plankton surrounding the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: You planted grass?
Plankton: "GRASS"? [he laughs evilly, and all the other Plankton join in]
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh.

Mr. Krabs: Curse you, Plankton, and your ability to join together to form a working human ear!

Mr. Krabs: Wait! You can't look at the formula!
Plankton: Begging won't help.
Mr. Krabs: I'm telling you! You won't be able to handle the truth! There are some things in this world that weren't meant for mortal eyes!
Plankton: Eye.
Mr. Krabs: Eye.
Plankton: I don't care. Drumroll, please! [taps a snare drum] Finally, after all these years, I'm about to find out what makes a krabby patty taste so good! The secret recipe for one krabby patty is a pinch of salt...
Mr. Krabs: No, Plankton!
Plankton: ...three teaspoons of chopped onions...
Mr. Krabs: I'm warning you!
Plankton: ...A cup of love...
Mr. Krabs: Don't do it!
Plankton: ...Mixed together with the most important ingredient of all: four heaping pounds of freshly ground... uh, plankton?! [looks at Mr. Krabs in shock]
Mr. Krabs: ...I warned ya. [Plankton runs out of the Krusty Krab, screaming in terror.]

Squidward: Let me guess. It's at home... under your mattress. [Mr. Krabs gasps, then runs home at top speed.]
Mr. Krabs: Curse you, Squidward!

The Sponge Who Could Fly (Episode 19)[edit]

French Narrator: [first lines] Last week, a never-before-seen episode of SpongeBob SquarePants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch the SpongeBob SquarePants Lost Episode. [an aerial shot of the town of Ecinio appears of 692-145] Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate.

French Narrator: Remembering SpongeBob.

Patchy: Walk five fathoms past Don's Import Store & Delicatessen. Half a league to the forked tree. Oh. Now, all that's left is... Huh? The seven trials of Monkey Lagoon?!
[lowers the playground full of children]
Patchy: Merciful Neptune, only for SpongeBob. Only for SpongeBob! Whoa! [he goes by riding back and forth on a small green horse while yelling] Whoa! [goes up and down on see-saw] Whoa, whoa! [he slides down, yelling excitedly with hands up, then hitting the ground, the getting spun on a merry-go-round while screaming, then climbing on monkey bars with a kid punching on the back, then a giant climbing thing with kids with a group of kids laughing at him then finally screaming, then it gets pushed on a swing by a little girl then screaming when the swing returns with a hook attaching to it]
Patchy: We made it. We survived the trials. Oh, I'm really gonna dig this lost episode. [chuckling] Dig it, get it? [laughs devilishly]
Potty: [covering in sand] You stink.
Patchy: And I just got out of the shower. [laughs again, then a shovel sticks in the ground and hits something] Hey, Potty, I think I hit something. [camera zooms out, revealing a large treasure chest sitting in the sand] Clever, bury your treasure above the surface.
Potty: Brawk! [squawks]
Patchy: [opens the chest with a golden glow shining on it] This is it! [the man with a construction hat sits in the chest, holding a VHS tape, then taking it, then the mans cups his hands] I don't know what it means either, [slams the top the chest of a man] but I got it what I came for. Come on, Potty, time's a-wastin'. [he runs off, jumping around and shouting excitedly again]

Patchy: [runs to the house, still excited, holding the VHS tape up] Yeah! Popcorn, [slams a bag of popcorn on the table] soda, [puts a cup of soda on the table] pickled garlic. [puts a jar of pickled garlic down on the table, next to the other things, then runs and sits down] Hurry, Potty, hit the remote.
[dropping the egg while hitting the remote, and the VCR player turns on]
Patchy: [grabs the popcorn] This is gonna be great. [a countdown, starting at ten, appears on screen] I can't believe it, more SpongeBob. [starts eating the popcorn, then a countdown makes its way down to five] This is so exciting! [laughs, shaking the popcorn, while flying everywhere, then the countdown ends] Here it comes.
Potty: [off-screen] Pipe down.

Patchy: ["Walk Cycles" ends on TV screen, then he stares blankly at the color bars on TV] That's it? That's the lost episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles!
Potty: What a rip.
Patchy: [growls in anger, then steams burst out of his ears in rage] SPONGEBOB BETRAYED US?! [knocks over his SpongeBob frames] I'm sorry that I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place! [throws his SpongeBob toys off of his bed] I'm gonna get rid of my SpongeBob stuff! All of it! All of it! [rips out a SpongeBob underwear] All of it! I'm gonna run away, that's what I'll do! Run away! [runs away while crying]

Potty: Jeez, what a hothead.
Announcer: And now the real lost episode.
Potty: Patchy. Come back-- there's more.
Patchy: Really? [shuts the door while reentering again, quickly going in reverse of the VHS of what he did earlier to get his SpongeBob stuff, then sitting back down] Hooray! Let's watch.

French Narrator: Here we see the proud jellyfish hunter. He stands motionless to lure the jellyfish into a false sense of security. And when his prey ventures to close, he springs into action.
[boing]

Old Man Jenkins: I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines!

Spongebob: Why am I doing this? I don't even know you.
Dennis: We went to elementary school together.
Spongebob: Dennis!?

Monroe: Hey, there he is! [SpongeBob flies faster] He's getting away!
Purple Fish: No, he owes us favors!
Monroe: Get him!!
[The angry crowd chases after SpongeBob, until they reach the cliff.]
SpongeBob: I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields! I'm gonna make it!
Nat: He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now!

SpongeBob: Well, it was fun while it lasted.

SpongeBob: Did Patrick just? [laughing] Nah!

[last lines]
Patchy: Wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
Potty: Let's watch it again.
Patchy: That's a great idea, Potty. Where's the remote? Where's the remote? Oh, I lost the remote! They should make those things... Eh...
Potty: Brawk!
Patchy: My remote! Thanks, stranger!
Mrs. Johnson: Don't mention it, Patchy!
Patchy: Now, which one of these cockamamie buttons is rewind? [a juggling clown juggles the balls with cheering at the circus appearing on TV] No, that's not it. [switches to a weatherman at weather channel on TV] D-oh! Wrong again! [switches channel to black and white horse, football, blob movie, giraffe in Krusty Krab Training Video, anemone from Your Shoe's Untied, and Tyrannosaurus Rex battling Triceratops on TV]
Potty: Brawk! Let me do it.
Patchy: No, get away! [the lights go out] That's the light switch! Give me that! [the light turn back on while fighting with Patchy and Potty with the remote, then switching to the mariachi band]
Potty: Brawk! That's the mariachi band button!
Patchy: [growling] I hate technology! Rewind, darn you. [meanwhile, the VCR player starts spitting out of the matchine]
Potty: Brawk! Failure ahoy.
Patchy: No! Stop! Stop! Oh, blasted infernal machine! [gets tangled up while falling over, then struggling] Oh no, I've ruined the lost episode! Now it's lost forever!
Potty: Brawk! Lost forever!
French Narrator: Oh, boy, what a loser. Well, I guess the lost episode will remain lost. But, tape or no tape, as long as there are stars in the sky, SpongeBob will live in our hearts and in our minds. Now get lost. I mean, bye. No really, get lost.

Episode 20[edit]

SpongeBob Meets the Strangler (20.1)[edit]

SpongeBob: [looking at the clock] Wait for it…
Computer Voice: On Time Percentage - 100%
Squidward: Another day, another migraine. [laughs] Mi–
Computer Voice: On Time Percentage - 12%
Squidward: –Graine.

Spongebob: Oh, bodyguard. My body is in your guarding hands.

Spongebob: Don't mention it, Strangler. I mean, bodyguard. Now where do I put my key?
Narrator: 20 minutes later.
Spongebob: Well, I can't find them. Do you wanna look?

SpongeBob: Hmm, let's see, paper towels. [takes a roll off the shelf] This one says "best paper towel around". [takes another roll off the shelf] This one says "best paper towel in town". Hmm. [comparing the 2] In town, around, in town, around. [turns to his "bodyguard"] What do you think, bodyguard?
"Bodyguard": [irritated] Whichever gets us to your house quicker!
SpongeBob: I'll take both!

Clerk: [gives Spongebob his dry cleaning] Here you go, Mr. SquarePants.
SpongeBob: Hmm...
Clerk: Is there something wrong?
SpongeBob: I'm not sure these are my pants.

"Bodyguard": For all we know, he could be the Strangler.
Patrick: I'm the Strangler? I should've known! I gotta turn myself in! [runs out to the police station, smashing though SpongeBob's house's wall on the way]
Spongebob So Patrick's the Strangler. [the Strangler starts fuming] Gee, ya think you know a guy.
"Bodyguard": He's not the Strangler!
Spongebob: He's not?
Strangler/"Bodyguard": [tears off phony mustache] I AM!
SpongeBob: Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?
Strangler: Aw, it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store! [Everyone rushes in]
Squidward: Did somebody say "party"?

Spongebob: Bodyguard, bodyguard!
Strangler: Look, kid, I'm not your bodyguard! I'm the Strangler! See? [points at his wanted poster]
SpongeBob: AAHH!! THE STRANGLER!!!
Officer Nancy: Good work, SpongeBob. You put the Strangler behind bars.
Strangler: At least, I'm safe from that yellow idiot.
Patrick: [in the same cell as the Strangler] Hey, Mac. What're you in for?

Pranks a Lot (20.2)[edit]

SpongeBob: Wow, invisible spray!
Patrick: [looking confused] But I can see it.

[SpongeBob and Patrick are fighting over the invisible paint, they accidentally make their clothes disappear]
Patrick: Hey, the invisible spray works!
Tom: [drives the tour bus up right next to them] And on your right if you look, you'll see 2 naked guys fighting over a can of spray paint! [the passengers laugh as the bus drives away]

Narrator: Several bad puns later...

Patrick: We're not ghosts! The nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs!

Mrs. Puff: Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [giggles] You will soon be mine!
[The cake mysteriously eats itself; Patrick's chocolate coated mouth floats by and burps, before wiping itself clean] Oh... [Inflates, then releases air as she flies all around] GHOOOOOOOOOOSTS!!!

Squidward: GHOSTS!!!
Surfer Fish: Ghosts!
Debbie: GHOOOSTS!!
Fred: GHOSTS!!!
Lonnie: Ghosts!
Francis: GHOSTS!
Sandals: [with a piece of toast] Toast.
Harold: [on the toilet] GHOOOOSTS!!

SpongeBob: That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me. What a guy.
Patrick: Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: [a white, round light shines on SpongeBob and Patrick] The Krusty Krab presents... Live Nude Pranksters! [shown shining the light on them from the crow's nest] Starring the "Bikini Bottom Ghosts"!

SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Yeah?
Spongebob: We should have bought the whoopie cushion! [groans]