The Patrick Star Show/Season 2

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SpongeBob SquarePants: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run / Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie / Plankton: The Movie / Search for SquarePants | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral (s1, s2) / The Patrick Star Show (s1, s2, s3, s4, s5, s6, s7) | Specials: SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout, The Tidal Zone, Kreepaway Kamp, Snow Yellow, Sandy's Country Christmas, SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up

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The Patrick Star Show is an American animated television series and a spinoff of SpongeBob SquarePants. The show features Patrick Star and his family hosting a talk show.

Episode 1

The Patrick Show Cashes In [2.1a]

Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here live at the premiere of The Patrick Show season [holds two fingers] 2! Let's take a look!

Patrick: [off-screen] Are you ready for season 2?

Attendees: Season 2! Season 2!

Episode 2

Episode 3

10 And 1 Toilets [2.3a]

Squidina: Hey, Patrick. Didn't you say there were 11 puppies.

Patrick: Uh-huh.

Squidina: Well, I only see eight.

Patrick: [looks, then shrugs] I don't know. Math is hard.

Squidina: Look, there's only three puppies now.

Patrick: [looking around] Oh, where'd the other 12 go?

Squidina: I don't know. [grabs Patrick's shirt collar] And let's never take our eyes off... [looks behind, gasps] THE PUPPIES! THEY'VE BEEN TOILET-NAPPED!!! What do we do?

Patrick: The one thing we can do.

Patrick and Squidina: [jump up and scream] Go get Mom! [run off]

Episode 4

Episode 5

Movie Stars [2.5a]

[SpongeBob and Patrick are in a tent, cooking sausages on sticks over a fire.] Patrick: ♪ In our tent, we are roughing it! ♪ SpongeBob: ♪ And our pillows, we are fluffing it! ♪ SpongeBob and Patrick: [fluff their pillows] Fluff, fluff! Patrick: ♪ Our tummies, we are stuffing it! ♪ [they eat their pillows] SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪ 'Cause way out here, we're roughing it! ♪ [Something is heard growling outside.] SpongeBob: Huh? It sounds like something's growling! Patrick: Must be my tummy. I'm still hungry, no matter how many weenies I eat! [pokes the stick through the back of his mouth, and the sausage falls off] Can I have another one? [The growling grows closer and a shadow appears at the tent's flaps. Something sniffs the sausages and licks them up.] SpongeBob: A sea bear! [screams] Patrick: [grabs onto SpongeBob, screams] SpongeBob: [takes out can] Here, shake my can of lucky pennies at it! If that doesn't scare it off, we can pay it to leave! Patrick: [shakes can outside] Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. [They look outside their tent. Bubble Bass grabs the can and eats a hot dog.] Patrick: Oh. [laughs] It's just Bubble Bass. [Bubble Bass is about to eat the can, but looks inside, then throws it away.] Bubble Bass: Ah--ugh. [pats stomach] Fine smoked meats, gentlemen. [zoom out to show the line] Waiting in line makes me hungry. SpongeBob: Oh, yeah! You're gonna need a hearty breakfast if you're going to see... [inhales, deflates as he speaks] The new Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Pets Movie: "Mermaid Worm & Barnacle Barnacle: Episode 6: The Bubble Blowers Revenge, Part 2"! [wheezes] Manager: [comes outside, excited] Good morning, patrons! Are you ready to see the new Mermaid Worm & Barnacle Barnacle movie? Moviegoers: [cheering] Bubble Bass: Ah! Ready! Patrick: Me, me, me, me, me, me! Manager: [puts hands on hips] Well, too bad. Screening's cancelled. All of our employees took the day off so they could see the movie too. [Two patrons in line look at the ushers, who smile nervously.] Ushers: [nervous laughter] Moviegoers: [grumbling] Manager: So unless I can find two simpletons [points at the theater] who want to work for free-- SpongeBob: [appears in front of the manager] Sir, look no farther! Patrick: [pushes SpongeBob down] And no mother! SpongeBob: We'll work for free! Patrick: [to SpongeBob] Buddy, let me handle this. [to manager] Hey, we're not working for free. Double that, and you got yourself a deal. Manager: [pushes them away] Fine, you'll do. You can all see the movie now. Moviegoers: [cheering] Manager: [points at SpongeBob and Patrick] Except you two, of course. You two go tear the tickets and check for people sneaking in outside food. [He steals the outfits of the two ushers.] Woman in line: Oh! [The ushers cover themselves, embarrassed. The manager slaps the outfits on SpongeBob and Patrick.] SpongeBob: [saluting] Aye, aye! Patrick: [saluting] Sir, yes, sir! [A line forms in front of SpongeBob.] SpongeBob: [clears throat] Tickets, pwease. [tears Bubble Bass's ticket] Thank you. Enjoy the movie. [tears another ticket, then a woman's purse] Have a nice viewing. [tears the two ushers in half] Ushers: [scream, then hold their severed heads] SpongeBob: [chuckles] Enjoy the movie, you four. [They walk inside. Patrick is outside the door.] Patrick: No outside food is getting past me. [sees an old lady] Halt, villain! Old lady: Huh-huh? [Patrick takes off his hand to reveal a nose. He sniffs a sandwich out of the old lady's purse.] Old lady: Oh! Patrick: [clicks tongue] Bad old lady. [eats sandwich] Old lady: [grumbling] [Bunny, Squidina, and Cecil walk up. Patrick stops Bunny.] Patrick: Hold it! You may be family, but you won't get perforation treatment from me. [He sniffs a three-layered cake out of Bunny's hair.] Bunny: Oh! Oh... Patrick: Very disappointing. [eats cake] [He picks up Squidina and finds a slice of pizza taped to the back of her head. He peels it off.] Squidina: Hey! I learned that one from you! [Patrick drops Squidina and eats the pizza.] Cecil: [chuckles, nervously] So, son, uh, how's the new job going? [Patrick pulls his tongue, he yelps] Patrick: [looks at the food on Cecil's tongue] Aha! Just as I suspected. [takes it] Cecil: [tongue being pulled] B-but, son, we're blood! Patrick: Gravy is thicker than blood, Dad! [drinks gravy and smashes the dish, lets Cecil walk inside] Enjoy the show! Manager: [pointing at SpongeBob and Patrick from inside the theater] Pink guy and square boy, go man the concessions stand. Customers need their official, theater-approved snacks, pronto! [throws Patrick in] Hi-ya! SpongeBob: [runs inside, panting] [Patrick flies headfirst against the popcorn machine. He crashes and stands upright. SpongeBob runs beside him.] Bubble Bass: Hmm. One popcorn please, uh, with a hint of butter. Patrick: [fills bag of popcorn] Coming right up, sir! [pumps butter onto it] Bubble Bass: That's good. Patrick: [keeps pumping] Bubble Bass: That's enough butter. Patrick: [keeps pumping] Bubble Bass: No more, thanks! Patrick: [keeps pumping, overflowing the container] Bubble Bass: Stop! [The popcorn bag has swelled with butter.] Patrick: The butter will cover up the taste of the sea rats. [rats in helmets crawl through the popcorn machine] Trust me. Bubble Bass: Eww! [bag explodes butter on him] Could I get a napkin? SpongeBob: [runs behind cash register] One napkin! [He presses a button on the register and it hits him in the face. He presses it again and the register hits him over the head. The third time, a boxing glove punches him in the face.] SpongeBob: [beaten up] Okay, forget it. [pushes napkin onto table] It's on the house. [rat steals the napkin] Manager: [over speaker] Get those snacks moving! It's almost showtime! SpongeBob and Patrick: Aah! [SpongeBob throws snacks as Patrick sprays the soda machine at the people in line. They laugh and eat the snacks.] Bubble Bass: [laughing] [The manager stands outside the projector room.] Manager: Let's go! Those movie reels won't spool themselves! SpongeBob and Patrick: [running in] Yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir! Manager: [blows whistle, shuts door] SpongeBob: [nervously] I don't know how to do this. Patrick: How hard can it be? [They see a giant projection machine and reels on shelves.] Patrick: Hmm. [chuckles] Nothing to it. Just follow my lead. [He picks up a reel, inspects it, and tries bashing it against the machine. SpongeBob does the same. The theater's projector turns on. SpongeBob, then Patrick, run past in silhouette on the screen, struggling with the reel tape. SpongeBob runs with scissors. A reel rolls past. Patrick runs covered in tape. SpongeBob takes out a knife and bashes Patrick with the dull edge.] SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelling] [Patrick tries to put the reel's tape into the machine. He and SpongeBob get sucked between the other spinning reels. Cut to a poster reading Curse of the Mummies outside the theater.] Daughter: "Curse of the Mummies"? [screams] Mother: Oh, don't worry, honey. Mummies aren't real. [SpongeBob and Patrick come out, completely wrapped in reel tape.] SpongeBob: Let's go find the boss. He's gonna be so proud! Mother: [screams, her daughter holds her] Daughter: Why do parents lie? [walks away] Manager: [runs to them] Okay, you two! We've got a 3D short playing before the main show, but I didn't pay for a fancy 3D projector. So I need you two to make sure the short "feels" 3D! By throwing stuff at the audience! [He gives them a box of "3D Props" with rocks, soccer balls, arrows, and scissors.] Patrick: Hey, um, [takes out scissors] some of these look pointy. [The movie projector shows "And Now a Special 3D Experience" then "Put On Your 3D Specs!", then footage of a fish with them falling onto his eyes.] Film announcer: Put on your 3D specs! [The short starts. An old man is caught in a meteor shower.] Old man: Oh, no, a meteor shower! So many meteors! [People run past, screaming. SpongeBob and Patrick walk in front of the audience. They glance at each other, then the short, then start throwing rocks.] Audience: [painted noises] Purple fish: [gets his glasses knocked off] Wow, it feels like an actual concussion! [gets hit again] Cecil: Oh, these glasses aren't working! [The short now shows two monsters rampaging and roaring. When they throw arrows, SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the curtains and shoot them at the audience.] Audience: Ooh. Ahh. Cecil: [adjusts glasses, then gets hit with an arrow] That's better! [Live-action footage of a wave is shown. Water splashes over the audience, from Patrick squeezing it out of SpongeBob's mouth.] Patrick: [laughing] [The short shows a man in a speedy car driving down a hill.] Man: Good thing I just got my pilot's license. [laughs, drives off a ramp, and screams] Bubble Bass: These effects are hardly believable. SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoaaa! [they drive a boat into Bubble Bass's face and rev the motor] Bubble Bass: [raises finger, beaten up] I stand corrected. [They crash the boat into the wall and fall out. The manager yells at them.] Manager: This isn't a drive-in theater! You've got to set up the next reel! Moviegoers: Shh! SpongeBob and Patrick: [quietly] Sorry. Manager: [grabs moviegoer] Oh, shush yourself! [throws them out of their seat, making them yell] [A kid in the seat behind hops over and grabs the popcorn left behind.] Manager: No break! Projector! Now! SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelp] [They run back into the projector room. The reel is unspooling.] Movie announcer: And now, our feature presentation! SpongeBob and Patrick: [panicking] Where's the next reel? [frantic chatter] SpongeBob: [comes out of a pile of reels holding one] Ooh, I think I found it! Patrick: [takes one from a stack] Oh, hey, [it has an anthropomorphic popcorn and drink drawn on it] this one looks good too! [stack crushes him] SpongeBob: How do we know which one is which? Patrick: [putting both reels on] SpongeBob, I say, let the projector decide. [The movie starts, showing Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle running.] Mermaid Worm: Quick, Barnacle Barnacle! We've got to save the litterbox before it's too-- [The slide switches to an ad for hot dogs.] Movie announcer: Why not enjoy a hot dog? [Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle are now eating hot dogs.] Moviegoers: [cheering] [The movie continues, showing a monster rampaging through a city. It grabs a handful of people and licks its lips. The slide switches to an ad for popcorn.] Movie announcer: Don't you think it's time for a popcorn? [The movie continues, with the people now held in a popcorn bucket. The monster grabs one with its tongue and eats them.] Moviegoers: [excited chatter] [The movie now shows Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle tied up by a vampire squid.] Mermaid Worm: [grunting] You'll never feast on our blood, you vampire squid! [grunts] [The slide switches to an ad for drinks.] Movie announcer: Refreshing soft drinks at the concession stand now! [The vampire squid is now drinking Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle out of a cup.] Mermaid Worm: S-so c-c-cold. [the vampire squid drinks them] Moviegoers: Eww! Brown moviegoer: That is not okay! Squidina: This is the most blatant product placement I have ever seen. [scoffs] Good thing that stuff doesn't work, right, Dad? [Cecil is drinking from a variety of soda cans, including from a hat and tied to his shirt.] SpongeBob and Patrick: Phew. [sing-song] Time to watch the movie! [They tear off their usher uniforms, revealing their usual clothes. They rip those off, turning into Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star.] Patrick: And our favorite seats are empty! [He and SpongeBob leap out of the projection booth and into the theater. They crawl on the floor and take their seats in front of Bunny, Squidina, and Cecil. In the movie, Mermaid Worm is talking to a girl worm.] Mermaid Worm: Mermaid Worm Girl, I think I love you. Mermaid Worm Girl: Oh, yeah? Prove it. [Before they can kiss, a man with a tall top hat sits on front of SpongeBob and Patrick, blocking their view.] Mermaid Worm and Mermaid Worm Girl: Muah, muah! Muah, muah, muah! [SpongeBob and Patrick move their heads, but can't see the screen.] Mermaid Worm: Why, that's just a mask! Moviegoers: [gasp] Mermaid Worm: You're not really Mermaid Worm Girl! [A bonking sound is heard.] Moviegoers: Oh! SpongeBob: What? Oh, man, we're missing major plot twists! Patrick: This guy should take his [pokes hat] stupid hat off! Manager: [face appears in a container in the back of the top hat] How's this for a plot twist? Get back to work! SpongeBob: [stammering] B-b-b-but we did everything! Patrick: [crying] We've been good ushers and we wanna watch the movie! Manager: Ushers should be ushering! [He reaches for them and falls. SpongeBob and Patrick run away. The manager chases them around between the seats.] Woman: Oh! SpongeBob and Patrick: Excuse us! [see the manager and scream] [The manager looks for them. They come out of Bubble Bass's mouth and back against the movie screen.] Manager: Running away from your responsibilities? You two should be gluing the half-eaten food back together! SpongeBob and Patrick: [whimpering] Mermaid Worm: Halt, evil doer, or face the wrath of Mermaid Worm! The utter stupidity of these pathetic, [raises fist] small-minded simpletons is not for you to exploit. SpongeBob and Patrick: [gasp, bathed in light] We're pathetic! Manager: [to screen] Hey! You keep out of this, movie! [to SpongeBob and Patrick] And you two, [runs towards them] what do you think I'm not paying you [jumps] fooor? [SpongeBob and Patrick pull down the movie screen, and the manager flies inside.] Moviegoers: [gasp] Manager: [in movie, groans] Where did those two hooligans go? Mermaid Worm: Ahem. Manager: Huh? [Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle are next to him.] Mermaid Worm: I said, ahem! Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle! I've never seen you before. Barnacle Barnacle: [chatters] Mermaid Worm: Yes, Barnacle Barnacle, that makes sense. He must be... a bad guy! Manager: What? Why is the boss always the bad guy? [screams and gets attacked by them] [Bunny, Squidina, and Cecil are watching the movie and eating popcorn. SpongeBob and Patrick land next to them.] Patrick: Got any candy bars, Mom? Bunny: Ooh, check my armpits. [Patrick reaches under Bunny's armpit and takes out a chocolate bar.] SpongeBob: Does anyone have a plate of spaghetti? [someone gives him one] Ooh. Mmm. Manager: [running, in the movie] Hey! No outside food in the theater! [Everyone throws their snacks at him.] Manager: [yelping, gets attacked by Mermaid Worm and Barnacle Barnacle again, screams] [Mermaid Worm punches the manager in the face. His loose teeth spell out "The End."] Mermaid Man Announcer: The end! [film burns up] Patrick: That was pretty good! What did you think, Bubble Bass? [The sea rats are squeaking and covering Bubble Bass. He is reduced to a skeleton.] Bubble Bass: The ending felt random. [iris out on his face]

Dr. Smart Science [2.5b]

[The episode begins with a pan through space.] Narrator: Dr. Smart Science! With Professor Patrick! [Patrick's head appears spinning on a TV as words fly by. Two lightbulbs appear next to it. Suddenly, the music cuts out as it shows him spinning against a green screen in a motion capture suit. The word "Gravity" comes loose from a string and hits Patrick on the back of the head.] Patrick: [groaning] Squidina: All right, that's a wrap on the intro! [She tears Patrick's motion capture suit off, showing a lab coat underneath. Patrick spins and falls behind a table.] Patrick: [grunts] Science. It's all about matter and energy. So if something is the [touches screen] matter with you, fix your energy with [six of his arms hold up crystals] crystals! [looks at a small, gray rock] Hey, you're just a rock. Rock: [cries a single tear, grows live-action mouth and face] I'm doing my best. Patrick: Well, do it somewhere else! [grunts and throws rock outside] [Cut to Sandy using multiple layers of a telescope to inspect a plant outside.] Sandy: A six-leaf sea clover? [picks it up with a claw] Talk about a scientific anomaly. [puts it in a beaker, which gets smashed by the rock] Ow! [alarm on her backpack goes off, yelps] Doggone! My pseudoscience detector is going nuts. [arm whirs, dings and points to house, Sandy gasps] And it's coming from the Star family house! Rock: Patrick's selling crystals again. Sandy: I should've figured. He's as dense as a rock. Rock: Hey! I resemble that remark! [Sandy drops the rock and prepares herself. Cut to Patrick walking in front of a blackboard.] Patrick: We now return to one of my favorite scientifical [pulls down an astrology chart] topics: [points to it with a stick] astronomy! If you've ever thought, "coming up with my own personality is too hard," you're gonna love this! [Patrick points to an illustration of SpongeBob as a centaur, drawing back a bow and arrow.] Patrick: This sea horsey man is called [puts hand under it] "Saggy Terry." If you were born on a Tuesday in Jan-tember, Saggy Terry says you'll be [waves hands] very unlucky! Unless you order [the astrology slide is shown against an infomercial backdrop] Patrick Star's Scientific Guide to Astronomy. [the word "FREE!" drops down against a black backdrop] Order now and we'll throw in this free [screen flips around to show a crystal] healing crystal! [Cut to Old Man Walker, in a room full of Patrick merch and wearing a tinfoil hat, dialing his phone after watching the ad.] Old Man Walker: Hot diggity! I can cancel my doctor's appointment! [Cut back to Patrick's bedroom door.] Sandy: [opens top half of door] Hush your pie hole, Patrick! [slams bottom half of door] That's not astronomy! Patrick: Huh? Sandy: It's [snaps his pointer stick] astrology! And astrology ain't scientific. You can't go spouting off any old cockamamie thing and call it science. Patrick: Well, but I have a lab coat. Sandy: No, no. [sprays him with a bottle of water] No pseudoscience. Patrick: [hisses like a cat] Sandy: All right, kids, Sandy's here, so get ready for some genuine [swings fist] real science! [Cut to an intro slide saying "How Does That Work?!". Patrick is in the corner, drooling.] Narrator: How Does That Work?! Patrick: [flickering lightbulb appears above his head] Uh... [Cut to Patrick and Sandy standing on both sides of a covered object.] Sandy: Say, Patrick, have you ever wondered how [takes off cloth to show a radio] a radio works? Patrick: [waving hand, excitedly] Ooh, ooh, ooh! No! Sandy: [unsure] Okay, well... [happily] Wouldn't it be neat if we could [takes out magnifying glass] look inside and see how it works? Patrick: [interested] Yeah! [He takes out a giant wooden hammer and smashes the radio.] Sandy: Ah! You pulverized my radio! [shot of the broken radio] Patrick: [inspecting] Where are all the elves that [rubs head with hammer] play the instruments? [A drone with a hand and spray bottle comes down and sprays Patrick. He screams as he gets sprayed with water.] Sandy: [pressing button to squirt Patrick] No pseudoscience! No! [Patrick shields himself with the hammer. Cut back to the intro slide.] Narrator: How Does That Work?! Patrick: [flickering lightbulb appears above his head] Uh... Sandy: [holds up two fingers] Take two! [Cut to Patrick standing in an X-ray machine Sandy puts the screen over his stomach and grabs a lever.] Sandy: All right, Patrick, you ready to see something you've never seen before? [She flips the switch. An X-ray shows Patrick's stomach with a fork, slice of pizza, cupcake, and torn-up dollar bill in it.] Patrick: Hey, I have seen this before! The TV is showing my lunch! Sandy: Oh, Patrick, [shakes head] that's not a TV. It's an [eyes sparkle] X-ray [gestures to her body] of your insides. Patrick: [gasps] That's inside me right now? [He laughs, pushes the X-ray away, tears off his lab coat, and sticks his head into his belly button.] Sandy: What in tarnation is he doin' in there? [pushes X-ray back] [Patrick's head is in his stomach.] Patrick: Pizza! [eats pizza] Ah. [pizza comes back down through his stomach] Ooh! More pizza! [eats it] Ah-- [pizza comes back down] ooh! Sandy: What the-- [Patrick is heard eating the pizza] kids, [points] I don't know how he's doing this, [crosses arms] but that is absolutely not how the digestive system works! [The screen transitions to Patrick and Sandy wearing goggles and at a table with a baking soda volcano.] Sandy: All right, Patrick, time for a real easy experiment: [shot of volcano] the volcano! And we're fixin' to make it erupt with a chemical reaction derived from [holds containers of both] baking soda and vinegar. Patrick: [scratches back of his head with goggles] So that's how volcanoes work. Sandy: [chuckles, nervously] It's not a real volcano. It's a model! Patrick: Nuh-uh! [gestures to a female model] This is a model! Model: Pose! [poses, camera shutter clicks] Sandy: [gives him containers] Here, you need to add precisely [reaches for a sponge and paper towels] one teaspoon of baking soda-- [alarm sound effect plays] [Patrick is holding a giant spoon of baking soda, with his goggles on them.] Patrick: One tea-spork of baking dust! [puts it in, goggles fall back on his head, starts stirring it] Get ready to learn! [Baking soda foam floods the house. GrandPat is pushed up to the top.] GrandPat: Hmm? Ow! [Baking soda falls down the screen. Sandy wipes some of it off her shoulders. Patrick is standing under a tarp.] Sandy: And now for our next real science topic... [pulls the tarp off Patrick, who is holding a sign that reads "Static Electricity"] Patrick: [struggling to pronounce] Status, uh, eel-- Sandy: Static electricity! [takes GrandPat, who has a lightbulb hat and slippers, out of some baking soda] GrandPat Star will demonstrate how to build up a static charge by shuffling his feet. GrandPat: Mm-mm! Ha! [shuffles his feet on the carpet] Sandy: Just keep at it and we'll check back in on you in a little bit. GrandPat: [laughs] I'll give it the ol' sawtucket shuffle! [starts sparking] Sandy: For our next real experiment, we'll demonstrate that plants can hear. Patrick: [squints] Wait, [leans forward and pretends to hear as an ear painting is behind him] what? [A plant is in decorated room with classical music playing. It is drawing on a chalkboard.] Sandy: We played this specimen only classical music, [adjusts knob on jukebox and a fish runs away] and look how it has affected its growth. He's even devising a theorem for Neptune's Paradox. [The music slows down as Patrick draws pyramids and UFOs on the chalkboard.] Patrick: [stops, then looks at Sandy] Pardon me. [Without saying anything, Sandy holds up her spray bottle and sprays Patrick. Patrick doesn't react.] [A plant with a nose ring and spiked boot is rocking out on a couch.] Sandy: [covering ears] We played this one punk rock. [steps over pile of dirty clothes] Whoo! Now it refuses to clean its room and keeps talking about [makes air quotes] "fighting the man." [The plant knocks over a speaker. Cut to a small sprout with a painting above it.] Sandy: And this is our control group. We don't play it music at all. Patrick: Oh, well, here's something that's not music! Squidward! [puts Squidward next to the plant] Sandy: Oh, Patrick, I don't know. Squidward: Oh, it's no trouble. I love playing for an audience that can't walk away. Plant: [whimpers] [Squidward plays the clarinet badly. The plant grows quickly.] Sandy: Creepin' kudzu, look at it grow! I guess the plant likes it. [The plant growls and bites Squidward.] Squidward: [sputtering] Sandy: Or not. [The plant spits out Squidward, sending him through the walls of the house and into space. Patrick looks at the scene on a crystal ball.] Patrick: This crystal ball [cut to show him rubbing Sandy's helmet] said that would happen! [Sandy sprays him with water again. Transition to a live-action space background. Patrick, dressed like Carl Sagan, talks to the audience.] Patrick: Space. In the vast biggy-ness of our universe [gestures to stars] lie billions and billions of dots. [points to small star] Some dots are small. [Squidward flies by, screaming.] Patrick: Some dots are loud. [takes the ring off Saturn] And this dot has its own donut! [flicks planet away and eats the ring] [Saturn zooms past the S.S. Super Minnow. Pat-Tron is playing Pong on a screen. A monitor descends with Saturn and a ? mark.] Pat-Tron: Captain, [turns his head around, still playing the game] there's an anomaly with the planet Saturn. Quasar: Put it on display, Pat-Tron. [looks at the screen to see Patrick] Oh, no! It's a Celestial Patrick, Devourer of Worlds. [activates alarm] Battle stations, Pat-Tron! [points] That gastric giant must be [hits fist against palm] stopped! [objects come out of the ship] Charge capacitors. Raise shields. [voice gets high-pitched as Patrick looks at the tiny ship] Engage ion thrusters. Patrick: Ooh, a sprinkle! Quasar: Batten down the hyperdrive! Patrick: [eats the spaceship] [Zoom out to show Sandy watching this on TV.] Sandy: This ain't science! It's barely science fiction! [She presses a button on her remote. Her treedome opens and a rocket comes out. She flies up Patrick.] Sandy: [angrily] Patrick! Patrick: Aww, [touches fingers together] are you gonna spray me again? Sandy: I want to, [holds out arm with empty spray bottle] but there's no water in space. [arm whirs and retracts, ship flies away] Patrick: No water? Uh-oh. [Patrick shrivels up in space and turns into a yellow star. Zoom out to show Patrick with a lab coat, looking through a telescope.] Patrick: And that is how a star is made. Isn't astrology fascinating? [Zoom out to show him standing on the TV, Sandy taps her foot.] Patrick: Aww, man. I'm doing it again, aren't I? Sandy: Mm-hmm. Patrick: [sprays himself with water, whimpers] [Suddenly, electricity shocks the outside of the house. Light streams out of the windows.] Sandy: What the? What in tarnation is going on? [GrandPat is still shuffling around inside.] GrandPat: Mm-hmm! Work it, work it, work it! Sandy: [slaps forehead] Oh, no! We forgot about GrandPat! He done got [eyes go blue] static supercharged. GrandPat: Hmm-hmm! [ding] Ah! [laughs] [He floats into the air. The lightbulb breaks. He gets shocked and turns completely blue. His eyeballs are blank white. He comes out of the house in a burst of electricity.] GrandPat: [cackling] Cower before me, Bikini Bottom! [laughs and flies to the city] Witness my [lifts buildings] unlimited power! [slams buildings to the ground] Sandy: We gotta fight electricity with electricity! [She rips up the carpet, rolls Patrick in it, and puts him on a treadmill. She turns it on and holds Patrick against it. Patrick becomes supercharged and flies into the wall.] Sandy: Did it work? [Patrick sparks. His body turns blue and his eyes go blank. He explodes the house and comes out in a beam of electricity.] Sandy: [comes out of rubble] Go get 'em, Patrick! [falls over] [Patrick flies to Bikini Bottom and faces GrandPat.] Patrick: That will be enough, GrandPat. GrandPat: Eh, go suck an egg! [throws boatmobile] Patrick: [boat flies behind him] I see. Well, I guess I'll solve this through the process of... [grabs house] elimination! [GrandPat is filing his fingernails. The house smashes him into the ground. Patrick hits him with it a few more times, smashing him deeper into a hole.] Patrick: Feel the weight of the evidence. [GrandPat breaks the house apart and throws the pieces at Patrick.] GrandPat: [cackling] Patrick: [dodges pieces] Missed me. Huh? [A man in a bathtub is stuck to Patrick butt.] Man: Oh. [chuckles] Pardon me. I'll just be going. [takes water and jumps out, screams] GrandPat: [appears behind Patrick's head] Surprise! [laughs and blasts Patrick] [Patrick dodges some more lightning blasts, then farts out a beam of electricity at GrandPat. Electricity blasts fly around the city. Fred is impatiently waiting for a chicken leg on a barbecue to cook. The lightning fries it.] Fred: [laughs] My leg! [electricity fries his legs to a single bone] My leg! [Cut to Slappy downtown with his cell phone.] Slappy: Oh, rats. [shakes phone] I forgot to charge my phone. [electricity strikes him, reducing him to a skeleton] Go for Slappy. [disintegrates as he walks away] [GrandPat throws a ball of electricity that knocks Patrick out of the sky.] Sandy: [runs to him] Patrick! Are y'all okay? Patrick: [tired] Just taking a little [gives thumbs up] super power nap. [collapses] [GrandPat laughs, grabs a bus and some buildings, and adds them to a giant ball.] GrandPat: Hey, Patrick, wanna learn about gravity? [cackles] Sandy: Talk about a failed experiment! GrandPat: Ooh, this day is turning out just like my horoscope predicted! Patrick: [gets up] Horoscope? But that's... [grunts and looks angry, blasts back off into the air] GrandPat: [laughing, sees Patrick] Huh? [Patrick raises a spray bottle full of water.] Sandy: Yes, Patrick. [eyes sparkle] It's pseudoscience. Patrick: Strudel science! Sandy: Eh, close enough. [Patrick sprays GrandPat with the spray bottle. He gets electrocuted and falls to the ground, the ball of objects crushing him. Patrick lands on the ground and unzips his superpowered body, revealing his usual outfit underneath.] Patrick: Wow, Sandy, we did it! We used science to stop him and save the day. [Metal thunks. GrandPat comes out of the ball.] GrandPat: Ha! You didn't stop me! [charges electricity] Nothing can stop-- [Sandy takes a crystal out of a bag and slams it on GrandPat's head. He gets the energy sucked out of him, babbles, and falls over.] Sandy: [holding bag] Gee, I reckon pseudoscience is good for something after all. So if you've released a super villain due to your own scientific negligence, [walks to a shelf of crystals as an infomercial screen appears again] try out our latest assortment of gems and essential oils! They're great for bonkin', bashin', and smashin. When science attacks, they're sure to be a [swings fist] knockout! Patrick: [as an anvil cut-in appears] Call now and we'll throw in other heavy objects! [Cut back to Old Man Walker watching TV. He picks up the phone.] Old Man Walker: Yes, hello? I'll take your heaviest object. [A crystal with "The End" chiseled on it crushes Old Man Walker and sparkles.]

Episode 6

Episode 7

Big Baby Patrick [2.7b]

[After Patrick literally eats SpongeBob's ice cream]

SpongeBob: NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH ME EAT THE ICE CREAM, AND WANT YOUR OWN SO BAD THAT YOU'LL GROW UP AND STOP BEING A BABY!!!

Episode 8

Episode 9

Best Served Cold [2.9a]

Grim Reaper: Curse that GrandPat Star, [crumbles water cup] eluding me for centuries. I'll get him one of these days.

Ice cream man: Hmm. [bell dings, gets idea] Hey.

Fentin, Gladys, the Grim Reaper, and Squidward: Huh?

Ice cream man: [points to them] You all hate the Star family?

Fentin, Gladys, the Grim Reaper, and Squidward: Oh, yeah. / Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Ice cream man: [stands on table] Well, so do I. I say we team up and finally get revenge on them, once and for all!

Fentin, Gladys, and the Grim Reaper: [raise hands] Yeah!

Squidward: Yeah! Yeah, that's a good idea!

Plankton: [appears under Walter] You know, the Chum Bucket is a great place to hatch a revenge scheme. It's also a great place to [takes out chum] buy chum, [points to them] which none of you did! You bums get out of here! [points to table] And leave those free waters!

Tattoo Hullaballoo [2.9b]

Bunny: [her shoulder over Cecil] Well, I think that worked out, wouldn't you say? [Skip's lower body is now a motorcycle.] Leilani: And how. [giggles, hops onto Skip] Skip: From now on, just call me Skip the Scooter. [drives into a tattoo sunset labeled "THE END," and laughs as the scene irises out]

Episode 10

Too Many Patricks [2.10a]

Patrick: Huh? [faces moves through head, looks through bushes, then smashes them] Patrick has caught the scent of food! [salivating, pupils darting] And he's hungry! Orange fish and blue fish: [scream, run away and drop hot dogs] Patrick: [eats hot dogs, holds out pinkies] Ah. [grabs grill, to yellow fish] Oh, hey, nice tongs.

Much Tofu About Nothing [2.10b]

Todd: May the best food product win.

Shmeat: [speaking quickly] Yeah, well, that's not you, it's me, see? Tofu's not even a food, is it? Is tofu food? I don't know.

Episode 11

Face-Off/Model [2.11a]

Cecil: [walks in, carrying a tray of burnt food] Presenting the Cecil Breakfast Special: [close-up panning shot of the burnt food] burnt pancakes, burnt toast... and, to wash it all down, burnt orange juice. Let's dig in. [makes a chef's kiss, as Bunny and Squidina stare in wonder at the food] Mwah. Patrick: [walks into the room, only visible from the neck down, and yawns] Morning, Dad. [waves]

5-Star Restaurant [2.11b]

[The episode opens at the Krusty Krab, where a bell rings as Mr. Krabs picks up a platter from the kitchen window.] Mr. Krabs: Order up! [heads to Patrick's table] One ultra-double mega Krabby Patty! Patrick: [excited] Oh! Mr. Krabs: With cheese. Patrick: [seeing his reflection on the platter] Oh! Mr. Krabs: [opens up the platter to reveal a very grotesque Krabby Patty, winces] Patrick: [drools and yells excitedly, licks lips] Mr. Krabs: Well, [chuckles] I'll just be [points away] going. [moves away as the grotesque patty falls apart] Patrick: Huh? [suspicious] Hey. [Mr. Krabs stops and looks behind, sweating] There's something wrong here. Mr. Krabs: [approaching again] No refunds! I mean, [chuckles] what ever could be wrong with this perfectly good patty? [chuckles] Patrick: There's no [holds up a sock] cheese on it! Mr. Krabs: [wiping sweat from forehead] Phew. Yeah, well you'll need to [points to the kitchen window, where an employee hat and smoke can be seen] take it up with the new frycook. He's still gettin' his sea legs. Patrick: [getting up, determined] Don't mind if I do. [heads off] Mr. Krabs: [puts the grotesque patty in a meal carton] Ah, that's still good. [gives the box to a kid with his mother]

Episode 12

At Home, on the Lam [2.12a]

Patrick: [drooling over the diorama with hypnotic eyes] Bunny: [gasps, grabs Patrick by the head] Oh, no, you don't! [wipes away the drool with a cloth] This diorama is going to the Klopnodian Chocolate Fest tomorrow. So don't you dare take a single bite, or else-- [grabs Patrick's cheek] look at me-- there will be consequences. [thunder rumbles, lets go of Patrick's head] Understood? Patrick: [gulps] Yes, Mom. Bunny: That's my good boy. [picks up Patrick and throws him into the other room] Now it's off to bed with you. Patrick: Whoa! [crashes off-screen] Bunny: [walking out of the kitchen] Got to get up bright and early for the festival! [looks at the diorama before turning the lights out and leaving] [The sun slowly rises before a rooster is heard crowing.] Patrick: [yawns, scratches himself, then falls off his bed and onto a stool in front of a mirror; humming while combing his eyebrows] Huh? [drops comb, looks at chocolate-covered hands] What the--? It can't be. [licks hand] Oh! It's chocolate. Bunny: [opens bedroom door] Patrick. You haven't seen my war diorama, have you? Patrick: [sweating as Bunny gets up to his face] No, why do you ask? Bunny: [grabs Patrick's mouth and licks the chocolate from it] Just as I suspected-- Klopnodian chocolate. Patrick: [getting in front of Bunny] But I didn't eat your doily-rama! [grabs Bunny's dress] I swear! Or, at least I don't remember. Bunny: Oh, Patrick, you lied to me. And now it's time for the consequences! Patrick: [instantly runs away] Bunny: Oh, Patrick. You can run. [pulls down a zipper on her head to reveal herself in a war-like outfit] But you can't hide. [whistles to summon Tinkle, pulling out a pair of underwear from a laundry basket] All right, Tinkle. Catch Patrick's scent.

Pick Patrick's Path [2.12b]

Squidina: Sorry, but you can only vote for the options on the screen. Let's see those results. [the meter's dial jiggles back and forth until it goes to cookies] And cookies win! [Patrick gasps, smiles, eats the cookie icon, and then sucks the entire plate with his mouth. He looks at the broccoli and smacks it away. He takes the broccoli's plate and sniffs it.] Patrick: Hmm. [throws plate away, it shatters] I could get used to this voting stuff. [burps] Squidina: Well, that's great 'cause there's plenty more where that came from. [Patrick smiles. Cookie transition to Patrick standing outside, next to a microphone and speaker.] Squidina: So for our next vote, [points to camera] you get to decide. [points to stereo] Does Patrick sing a cute little song? [leans in] Or [gestures to hot coals] does he walk on a bed of hot coals? Patrick: [gasps] [A leaf falls onto the coals and bursts into flame. Two icons show up and Squidina points at them.] Squidina: Vote now! Decide Patrick's fate! [the dial goes to the song] Looks like it's gonna be... [the dial goes to the coals] hot coals by a landslide! Well, there you have it, folks. Patrick: Are you guys sure this is what you want? Squidina: [over a shot of the viewers] Of course they're sure, Patrick! Democracy never fails!

Episode 13

Time to Eat [2.13a]

[A shot of the Star house is seen. Inside, Patrick is watching two paint splotches on a wall, wearing a foam finger, paint bucket hat, and waving a flag.] Patrick: [laughs] Woo! Go, go, go! [to audience] My, oh, my, this is a tight race, folks. [pokes some paint] Which of these two paint colors will dry first? Will it be [intense close-up as Patrick touches it] Beige the Brisk Blur or [intense close-up as Patrick touches his foam finger against it] Turbo Throttle Tan? [points to self] I'm betting all my green on [points to the left paint sample] beige. [pats stomach, takes off foam finger to reveal his real finger shaped like it] This excitement is sure making me hungry. [starts eating popcorn, chomping] Oh-ho, it's so good. [Squidina is watching. She nearly falls asleep, but catches herself. Two lawnies are asleep and snoring, and the third falls on the ground face-first.] Squidina: Psst, [pokes him] uh, Patrick, I'm not sure watching paint dry is, uh, quality entertainment. Patrick: [reaches his fingers through the bottom of the bucket] Oh! [looks through the hole] Out of snacks already! [puts hand on cheek] I can't watch this race without snacks! Give me one sec, folks! [Patrick dashes and hits the paint wall. He stumbles backwards, tripping over his paint bucket and making the curtains fall.] Patrick: [groans woozily, lifts up the tiki stand in his room and throws it] Aah! Snacks? [jumps in a toilet and comes out of the dinosaur foot] Oh, snacks? [appears in front of screen] Snacks? [looks under display] Here, snacky, snacky! [picks up volcano display] Hmm. [gets blasted by the eruption, revealing his skull; he shakes his face back to normal] Barnacles. There are no snacks in my room at this time. [He throws the volcano away and a guy is heard screaming. A buzzer goes off.] Patrick: Time? [gasps, looks at time closet] Time closet. [pokes the buttons] There's gotta be all sorts of snacks [door opens, claps his hands and runs in] throughout all of time. Squidina: [puts on her bike helmet with a camera] Ooh, a time travelogue food show. Now this'll be quality entertainment.

Cleanin' House [2.13b]

Patrick, Squidina, Cecil, and GrandPat: Welcome home! [The camera pans over to the clean living room.] Bunny: Oh, I was hoping you'd leave something for me to tidy up. Oh, look at the carpet! [spots a bump in the carpet] I'll just fix that. [giggles as she lowers her foot to step on the bump] Patrick, Squidina, Cecil, and GrandPat: No, no, no, no, no!

Bunny: [steps on the bump, making the house inflate and explode into trash, off-screen] I just love my fabulous, filthy family.