The Simpsons Game

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search
For other uses of "The Simpsons", see The Simpsons (disambiguation).

The Simpsons Game is a video game based on the animated TV series The Simpsons. In the game, Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie make their way through various levels and worlds on a quest to save themselves from video game purgatory. (For the PS2, PS3, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS and Nintendo Wii)


  • Mmmmm... white chocolate.
  • [waking up from a dream about the Land of Chocolate] Not dreaming, not dreaming, not drea-- Wha--? DAMMIT, I WAS DREAMING! Why is life so unfair? All I want is the ability to eat everything in sight and turn into a giant ball! Is that too much to ask?! DAMN YOU, REALITY!
  • Here's to alcohol: the cause and solution to all life's problems!
  • I don't apologize. I'm sorry, but that's the way I am.
  • Cheating. Is there anything it can't do?
  • You can't win if you lose! Think about it.
  • (angrily) Way to go! Way to ruin lives!
  • (When in the French zone of the Eating Contest) In order of crate: Hold the attitude!
  • Aliens? I bet they're here to take our jobs!
  • [to Bart] Believe in yourself, boy! Even if I don't!
  • If we get in trouble, hide in my fat folds!
  • Okay, I'm in this stupid Japanese game. But I'm not eating sushi - unless it's covered in chocolate and there's no sushi in it.
  • This mansion is even bigger then the inside of Snoopy's dog house!
  • This is one super-fly crib!
  • DAMN THIS GODFORSAKEN PLACE! Video game-making nerds are getting rich and all I can do is DIE and DIE and DIE and DIE - EACH DEATH MORE PAINFUL THAN THE LAST! [starts crying]


  • Bart, what are you doing in front of a video game store? (gasps) Buying a video game?
  • We've got to show Quimby that our kids won't be exposed to senseless violence! Lisa, burn that statue!
  • If this is a video game, where do we put the quarters?
  • Fight to end violence! Literally!
  • That really burns my beehive.


  • I'll break, you enter.
  • Reading's for nerds. Hop in!
  • "The Simpsons Game"? The only Simpsons game I can think of is the one where we pretend Dad isn't an alcoholic.
  • On behalf of the town, let's go kick some alien butts... if they have butts to kick.
  • I had to do so many double jumps I'm really tired.
  • Come back when you have better A.I.


  • An ancient Japanese village. I love learning about any culture, except American.
  • No game is safe from an industry that's always changing. Sure The Simpsons Game is fun, with its unique upgradable character abilites and its hilarious self-referencial cutscenes, but what about when the Xbox 720 comes out? Or the Playstation 4? No one will want to play us then!

Mr. Burns and Smithers[edit]

  • Burns: If you want to make an omelet, you have to wreck a few planets.
  • Smithers (inside Medal of Homer): Mr. Burns gives me penny candy. What do you give me?
  • Mr. Burns [Over a PA System] What's that? You don't want Christmas off? Well, all right.
  • [After Bart and Lisa stop Mr. Burns from cutting down Springfield Forest.]
Burns: All I wanted was to destroy our delicate ecostystem. And this is the thanks I get. (sighs)
Smithers: I'm sorry, sir. Want me to get some goons to rough up Al Gore?
Burns: I'd like that.

Kang and Kodos[edit]

[A spaceship arrives on Earth. Kang and Kodos are onboard.]
Kodos: Well, we're here. And it only took 300 deca-Sols!
Kang: You're the one who made a stop to visit our mother in space!
Kodos: Why do we alway argue on space-cations?
Kang: You're right. Let's kill and space up.
[They proceed to lead a massive Rigellian invasion on Springfield.]

[Bart, Lisa and Sea Captain stop the dolphins (under Kang and Kodos' control) from attacking Springfield.]
Kodos: They foiled our plot. We must have revenge!
Kang: Revenge!
Kodos: Vengeance!
Kang: Revenge!
Kodos: Payback is ours!
[An oven dings]
Kang: The mini-eggrolls are done.
[They take out a tray of eggrolls and start eating them.]
Kodos: Eggrolls!
Kang: Delicious!
Kodos: Hot! Revenge!
Kang: Revenge!
Kodos: Eggrolls!
Kang: Dipping sauce!
Kodos: Eggrolls!
[Slight pause]
Kang: Revenge!

(Watching Homer beat the "large crotch" of the now-lifeless Lard Lad statue)
Kang: Shazbot! How could Lard Lad lose to that guy?!
Kodos: Don't yell at Lard Lad! You really want to yell at me! (Begins to cry) I screwed this whole thing up!
Kang: You're right. I do blame you!
Kodos: (Cries, causing her helmet to quickly fill up with tears)

[Sideshow Bob steps on a rake while encountering Homer and Bart, causing it to swing up and knock him out. Kang and Kodos watch on a screen.]
Kang: [to Kodos] I told you to pick up your space-rake!
Kodos: No matter. It was foolish to send a former TV clown to do an alien's work. We will have our revenge.
[They both laugh maniacally, until Kang steps on another rake. It swings up and hits his helmet, and he frowns at Kodos.]
Kodos: Sorry, my bad.

Bart: Guys, look! The UFO opens its hatch after every four laser bursts. That's the weak spot where we need to fire!
(In the UFO)
Kang: Hey, Kodos, that ugly kid's right! Why are we exposing our weak spot after every four laser bursts?
Kodos: You're right. Why do we even need to expose our weak spot at all?
Kang: [towards Bart] Thanks for the heads up, Earth dumbass!
Kodos: Screw fighting one family! Why don't we just blow up the whole town? They can't stop us from doing that.
Kang: Sounds good to space-me!

Other Characters[edit]

Comic Book Guy: [at the eating contest] With great hunger comes great responsibility.

Apu: GOOAAALLL! We have reached our GOOAAALL!

Krusty: Can anyone tell me what Sideshow Mel is?

EA executive producer: A mob of parents!? [And really, a senator appears] A s-s-s-s-Senator! Quimby, you promised me no mobs! You said this place was full of slobs who would suck up our sexy sleaze with a smile. Consider yourself unbribed! (Leaves the room)

Kent Brockman: [watching Lard Lad fight Homer and Bart] The way Lard Lad charges his laser reminds me of my wife with a credit card! [laughs]

Mr. Sparkle: Now I must return to my corporation, where I am mascot for celery flavored soy chip! Sel-Soy kills the hunger demon, but graciously adopts his children! Sel-Soy! Sel-Soy!

God: God's got game!

Ralph Wiggum: [emerging from a dark shadow] I drank blue juice from under the sink.

Rod Flanders: [in a Lord of the Rings set environment] I like Narnia better.

Moe: [as a Lord of the Rings type character] Oh, for the love of Sauron!

Moe: [as a Lord of the Rings type character] My name's Orc Moe and I'm here to say I'm gonna kick your ass in every way!

Moe: [as a Lord of the Rings type character] My name's Orc Moe and I'm here to say you're gonna die tomorrow or today!

Otto: Don't make me go 'Metallica' all over your asses!

Bender: Aw, I need a sexy robot nurse!

Bender Aw, My shiny metal ass!


White Chocolate Rabbit: Excuse me, fatty. You're eating our world!
Homer: Hey! You look like that rabbit thing from that book about a girl named Alice who goes to Wonderland! What was it called? Oh yeah, Snow White in Stupidtown!

Bart: Hello, pathetic store nerd. One copy of Grand Theft Scratchy, please.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Sorry, sir, that game is rated M.
Bart: No problem,I have ID!
(Bart hands over a card)
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: This is a Cal's Calzone Zone Frequent Calzone Eater's Card!
Bart: There's a free calzone in it for you!
(Squeaky-Voiced Teen hands Bart the game)
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: (Whispers) This never happened.
(Bart leaves the store)
Bart: (chuckling to himself) Teenagers are so dumb!

Bart: You've got video game powers on your side. It's like cheating but... cheating.
Homer: Woohoo! Cheating!

[Groundskeeper Willie kneels in front of the half-eaten candy replica of the Statue of Liberty, as he and the other losers clean up after the eating contest.]
Groundkeeper Willie: You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! Goddamn you all to Hell!
Comic Book Guy: Hey, less references, more mopping!

Alien 1: This human has tiny pieces of paper which gives him big, big savings. We must study him!
Alien 2: Study him with anal probing?
Alien 1: Of course with anal probing! What else would we do?! Talk to him?!

Homer: Oh my god! It's a nerd!
Will Wright: That's right. The nerdiest nerd in all the computerverse! (Nerd laugh)
Lisa: Dad! That's Will Wright. Designer of Sim City and The Sims.
Will Wright: Don't forget my biggest flop: Sim Sandwich. Its failure drove me mad. Mad!

(8-bit Simpsons have just been revealed)
Homer: Wow. We look so pixely!
Bart: And poorly rendered.
Marge: Which one's supposed to be me?
Lisa: [to Will Wright] Don't destroy them! They may be obsolete but they're still... alive.
8-bit Homer: Help! He's crazy!
8-bit Bart: If he destroys us, we'll never escape from Krusty Island!
8-bit Marge: I'm Marge!

Homer: You can't do this!
Will Wright: Of course I can! I'm Will Wright, bitch!

(Homer and Bart have sneaked on the alien ship)
Homer: If we get in trouble, hide in my fat folds!
Bart: I'd rather just get killed, thank you.

(Bart and Homer have just released Cletus from the aliens)
Bart: Cletus, are you okay?
Cletus: I think they done busted my stinkbone!
Homer: Damn those rectally obsessed savages! Damn them!!!

Marge: Where are we?
Lisa: We're in the game engine. If our life's a video game, then this is the factory where it was made.
Homer: That's ridiculous! I'm not a video game character, I'm a real-life person with dreams and feelings...
(He accidentally walks off a ledge and falls, only to reappear next to them again)
Homer: All right, fine. I'm a video game guy.

Bart: It's Sideshow Bob! (Bart and Homer scream)
Sideshow Bob: Don't bother crying out in terror. In space, no one can hear you scream!
Bart: We're not in space.
Sideshow Bob: Well, we are on a spaceship.
Homer: Not the same thing.

Lisa: Oh my god! It's the mothership!
Bart: This must be the level boss for this part of the game.
Homer: The boss?! Quick, everybody look busy! (Puts on business glasses and pretends to write on a clipboard)

(Lenny and Carl are up a tree bird watching) (Bird chirps)
Lenny: Hey, that sounds like a tree swallow.
Carl: No, it sounds like a yellow crowned heron.
(Saw noises)
Carl: Oh my god! That sounds like a chainsaw!
Lenny: No, that sounds like a buzzsaw.
(The tree falls with them on it on a conveyor belt)
Lenny: Hey Carl, why do we fight so much?
Carl: Sometimes I think it's all we have left.

Martin Prince: I must hasten home to play my new carjacking game. (Stops a car in front of him) Give me your ride, jerk! (throws Flanders out of his car while Flanders screams and drives off)
Marge: Ned are you hurt?
Flanders: Nothing a smile and some medical attention can't fix!

Lisa: This manual tells us how to use superpowers.
Marge: You mean I can talk to whales like Aquaman? Or do whatever Hawkman does?
Lisa: No, it says you have the power to convince crowds to do whatever you want.
Marge: Just like Oprah!

Homer: That was the greatest day of my life! Man, all my life I've wanted to be a living garbage disposal, and today I was!
Marge: Homie, don't you think you could put your powers to better use?
Homer: [smirking] Oh, like what? Eat terrorists and barf flowers? What did you do that was so great?!
Marge: For your information, I rallied the town to ban a very violent video game.
Bart: Mom, if kids don't play Grant Theft Scratchy, they'll never learn any real world skills, like how to sell guns or hunt for hidden packages!
Lisa: You should talk, Bart. I heard you destroyed half the Natural History Museum. And that's my favorite place to find solace!
Homer: Well, while we're on the subject of yelling at each other, your little stunt with the loggers has put an army of Regular Joes outta work! Way to go! Way to ruin lives!

[Homer and Marge are having a romantic moment in a fantasy-style game, when they are interrupted by a two-headed dragon (Patty and Selma) attacking some hobbits (Rod, Todd and Ralph)]
Marge: Come on Homer! We've got to save those midgets!
Homer: But Marge, I can't control myself! You're one sexy MILF!
Marge: The word is "elf", and no snuggling 'til we do the right thing!
Homer: Lousy sexy Marge...

Bart: Dad can I have some wine? All the other kids are doing it! (Camera cuts to a French baby drinking from a bottle of wine)
Homer: Sorry, son, you're an American kid. You have to get your booze from an older creep hanging outside the liquor store.
Young Grampa: [tearfully] God bless America!

Sea Captain: Thanks for the help, kids, I've had a lot of fun. I almost never appear this much in the series...
Bart and Lisa: Huh?
Sea Captain: ... of events that constitute your lives.

Kent Brockman: (Being filmed) Good evening, Springfield. Kent Brockman here, chasing local imbecile Homer Simpson and his deliquent son Bart, who have picked a fight with an out-of-control Donut Mascot statue. [to Bart] Bart Simpson, are you and your father insane?
Homer: (Grabs the mike) Hi, Lenny, I'm on TV! I said your name on TV - don't tell Carl! Unless he's watching this, in which case: Hi, Carl, don't tell Lenny I said your name!

Homer: Hey do you like donuts too?
8-bit Homer: Sure do. Y' want one?
Homer: (Eats an 8-bit donut) Pixely. You're all right, old weird version of me.

(A French village is being attacked and quickly surrenders, sending up white flags)
Homer: (Feminine voice) Oooh! Look at me! I´m France! I´m a scared girl! I don´t like being bombed and attacked!
Bart: (laughs)

Marge: What a pretty level. I like the theme of fantasy.
Homer: Ooh, I've got a fantasy. Now that we're finally away from the kids we can (whispers)
Marge: (smiles) You're so bad! You're going to ruin this game's T for Teen rating.

8-bit Lisa: Did you get the keycards?
8-bit Bart: And how many points did you get?
Bart: Videogames don't have points anymore!
8-bit Homer: No points? Then how can you tell if you're doing good in a game?
Lisa: Well, you make progress through the objectives of the game. For instance, we collected the four keycards.
8-bit Homer: FOUR POINTS?! That's a pretty sucky score! I got eight million on a Centipede machine in a Pizza Hut once, but four?! Pathetic!
8-bit Bart: Look, how many lives did it take you to get these cards?
Bart: Lives? Whaddaya mean?
Homer: Well, I died a lot. And I mean a LOT! But it's not like I have a limited number of lives or anything.
8-bit Homer: INFINITE LIVES?! Then how is the game even hard?! What's the point if you can just play forever?!
8-bit Bart: The world that I grew up in is gone...

(In Matt Groening's compound)
Bart: Before we beat him, let's take a leak on his lawn!
Homer: Way ahead of you, boy!
Bart: (laughs)
Matt Groening: (sees them doing so) So they want a war, huh?! Well, then it's a war they'll get! Violet, send out the super toon defence lawyers!
Violet: Yes, Mister Groening.
Matt Groening: It's "GREY-ning"!
Violet: Are you sure?
Matt Groening: No.

Bart: I bet you our creator is a thousand foot Godzilla with big boobs and he breaths fire snot.
Matt Groening: Think again, your creator is America's most beloved animation visionary.
Homer: Seth MacFarlane?

(After defeating Matt Groening, Homer and Bart kick him as he cowers on the floor)
Lisa: Bart, Dad, you just vanquished your own creator! The philosophical intercalations would make Eugène Ionesco's head spin!
Homer: Hmmm... You make a provocative point, Lisa. And furthermore, KICK HIM!

[After snatching God's memory card]
Bart: Okay, God! Stop the Springfield destruction and give us some answers, or these saved games go in the drink!
God: NO! Stop! I'm on the final boss fight in Oblivion, I can't start again from the beginning!


The Simpsons

Wikipedia has an article about: