The Scarlet Pumpernickel

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The Scarlet Pumpernickel is a 1950 Looney Tunes cartoon short in which Daffy Duck tries to sell an over-the-top drama script to a Hollywood director, in which he envisions himself as a swashbuckling vigilante named the Scarlet Pumpernickel, trying to rescue his love interest, the Fair Lady Melissa, from a forced marriage to the Grand Duke (Sylvester).


Sylvester: And who might you be, thirrah?
Daffy Duck: Mayhap perchance, foppish that I am, I might be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
Sylvester: You?! The Scarlet Pumpernickel?!
[Sylvester and Porky burst out laughing, but Daffy simply raises his eyebrows at the audience.]

Sylvester: The Scarlet P-p-pumpernickel! En garde! [Hero and villain cross swords]
Daffy Duck: Riposte!
Sylvester: Café au lait!
Daffy Duck: Champs-Élysées! Ha ha, ya ain't got a chance! I'm the hero of this picture, and you know what happens to the villain!
Sylvester: So what's to know?
[Melissa screams in fear as the two start swashbuckling. The scene fades to J.L's office]
Daffy Duck: Fight! Fight! Fight!
J.L.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, then what?
Daffy Duck: Then what, then, what... Oh, and the storm broke in all its fury and the dam broke!
J.L.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, then what?
Daffy Duck: The cavalry rode to the rescue, but they were a little too late.
Daffy Duck: The volcano erupted, and threw lava over everything in sight!
J.L.: Then what?
Daffy Duck: The price of foodstuffs skyrocketed!
J.L.: Is that all?
Daffy Duck: [crawling out from under his pile of pages, overcome with exhaustion] "Is that all"?! There was nothing for the Scarlet Pumpernickel to do, but blow his brains out, which he did. [shoots through his hat] It's getting so you have to kill yourself to sell a story around here!

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