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The Scarlet Pumpernickel

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The Scarlet Pumpernickel is a 1950 Looney Tunes cartoon short in which Daffy Duck tries to sell an over-the-top drama script to a Hollywood director, in which he envisions himself as a swashbuckling vigilante named the Scarlet Pumpernickel, trying to rescue his love interest, the Fair Lady Melissa, from a forced marriage to the Grand Duke (Sylvester).

Dialogue

[edit]
Sylvester: And who might you be, thirrah?
Daffy Duck: Mayhap perchance, foppish that I am, I might be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
Sylvester: You?! The Scarlet Pumpernickel?!
[Sylvester and Porky burst out laughing, but Daffy simply raises his eyebrows at the audience.]

Sylvester: The Scarlet P-p-pumpernickel! En garde! [Hero and villain cross swords]
Daffy Duck: Riposte!
Sylvester: Café au lait!
Daffy Duck: Champs-Élysées! Ha ha, ya ain't got a chance! I'm the hero of this picture, and you know what happens to the villain!
Sylvester: So what's to know?
[Melissa screams in fear as the two start swashbuckling. The scene fades to J.L's office]
Daffy Duck: Fight! Fight! Fight!
J.L.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, then what?
Daffy Duck: Then what, then, what... Oh, and the storm broke in all its fury and the dam broke!
J.L.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, then what?
Daffy Duck: The cavalry rode to the rescue, but they were a little too late.
J.L.: THEN WHAT?!
Daffy Duck: The volcano erupted, and threw lava over everything in sight!
J.L.: Then what?
Daffy Duck: The price of foodstuffs skyrocketed!
J.L.: Is that all?
Daffy Duck: [crawling out from under his pile of pages, overcome with exhaustion] "Is that all"?! There was nothing for the Scarlet Pumpernickel to do, but blow his brains out, which he did. [shoots through his hat] It's getting so you have to kill yourself to sell a story around here!
[edit]
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  Feature films     The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie  (1979) · The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie  (1981) · Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales  (1982) · Daffy Duck's Fantastic Island  (1983) · Daffy Duck's Quackbusters  (1988) · The Looney Tunes Hall of Fame  (1991) · Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation  (1992) · Space Jam  (1996) · Tweety's High-Flying Adventure  (2000) · Looney Tunes: Back in Action  (2003) · Baby Looney Tunes' Eggs-traordinary Adventure  (2003) · Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas  (2006) · Looney Tunes: Rabbits Run  (2015) · Teen Titans Go! See Space Jam  (2021) · Space Jam: A New Legacy  (2021) · King Tweety  (2022) · Taz: Quest for Burger  (2023)
  Short films     Bosko, the Talk-Ink Kid  (1929)
  Television series     Tiny Toon Adventures  (1990-92) · Taz-Mania  (1992-95) · The Plucky Duck Show  (1992) · The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries  (1995-2002) · Baby Looney Tunes  (2002-05) · Duck Dodgers  (2003-05) · Loonatics Unleashed  (2005-07) · The Looney Tunes Show  (2011-13) · New Looney Tunes  (2015-2020) · Looney Tunes Cartoons  (2020-24) · Bugs Bunny Builders  (2022-present) · Tiny Toons Looniversity  (2023-present)